A/N: Thanks again for the awesome review, MS-16 Z Jaeger. While I do apologize for our dear Lelouch's absence this chapter, I promise next chapter is going to be very juicy.
Let's continue on, shall we?
I was standing above a huge round abyss, a thin walkway between myself and the darkness below.
"Ben!" Someone shouted behind me, his voice echoing all around the abyss. I turned to see him. My father, the man I hated more than anyone else, save my former master. He stood at the edge of the abyss, stepping slowly onto the walkway, even as blasters trained to his position, ready to fire at my command.
"Han Solo," I said coldly. "I've been waiting for this day for a long time."
"Take off that mask," Han Solo said gruffly. "You don't need it."
"What you think you'll see if I do?" I asked dispassionately.
"The face of my son," He replied firmly. I considered his request for a moment, seeing nothing wrong in the last request of an old man who was about die. Without another word, I raised my hands pressed the buttons allowing myself to slip the mask off, holding the mask in one hand.
"Your son," I said with emphasis, "is gone. He was weak and foolish, like his father. So I destroyed him."
"That's what Snoke wants you to believe, but it's not true." Rage burned through me that he dared use my master name so casually, when the Supreme Leader had been a father to me more than Han Solo had ever been. "My son is alive."
"No," I replied coolly, "The Supreme Leader is wise." Wise enough to give me the power I needed to find my sister.
"Snoke is using you for your power," Han Solo insisted, stepping closer with each breath. "When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you." A final step more and he was in front a me less than an arm's reach away. "You know it's true." He said it gently, as if I would consider his words more if he said it softly. Even so, his emotions gave me pause. Though I could sense this had not been his idea, he still believed that it wasn't too late, that I had not already walked too far down this path, that I already hadn't made this choice a long time ago.
"It's too late," I replied truthfully.
"No it's not." A typical response from a parent who wished to believe only the best in their children. "Leave here with me, come home. We miss you." That gave me pause, because for the briefest moment I remembered when we had been young, she and I, and the few precious moments we'd had together as a family, the brief, happy moments that still called to me.
"I am being torn apart." I spoke it because it was true, the emotions making my voice rough. I'd chosen the Dark, and the reasons I possessed were clear and just, but those moments, those feelings, that life still held a sliver of doubt inside of me that I could not banish, no matter how I tried. "I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it." I looked up at him, his aged face, old clothes, and his hopeful expression. "Will you help me?"
"Yes, anything," My father promised.
I paused for a moment, and then I dropped it onto the metal walkway, the clang echoing around the empty space. Taking the lightsaber from my belt, the one I'd built with my own hands, I offered it to him. He grasped the lightsaber in a firm grip, as if reassuring himself that it was real.
For a moment, I could feel, I could taste the Light again, it felt- good.
But then something changed, at the feeling faded from me as I remembered why I'd gone to the Supreme Leader in the first place. It was because of them, my parents, we were forced to hide, that I was forced to leave my sister there, that I lost her. I couldn't change, I wouldn't change. I had a weakness that Han Solo had tried to exploit, a weakness that the Supreme Leader had sensed. It had to be destroyed, or else I would never find her, I would never be free. I looked at him again, and despite everything, he truly believe I would change, that I would forget all the pain he'd caused me.
For myself, and the sister I had lost, I would not fail.
My hand tightened on the lightsaber, and in one swift, decisive move, I drove the lit beam into my father's heart.
We sat up so fast my head was spinning, a scream choking off in our throat as we were torn from the memory. For a moment, I couldn't tell where I ended and my brother began. I could feel our adrenaline coursing through both of our bodies, the sweat coating our arms and face, our breathing even syncing together in sharp short pants. The pain suddenly flared in my side and grasped onto it like an anchor, throwing myself back into my own mind, my own body.
"Lyssa," His voice ghosted through my mind, the thread connecting hold onto my mind tight, threatening to pull me back under again. "Lyssa, you're hurting. I'm sorry."
"Stay out of my head!" I screamed, and slammed down on my barriers, cutting the warmth of his presence away from me. Even without the thread, I could still feel it, the ghost of the memory, the execution crawling under my skin like an sickening brand on my consciousness. Despite my horror, I could still feel his conviction, the pride as he watched the life slip from our father's eyes, and then his cold, lifeless body slip into the abyss below. The competing horror and jubilation made my head ache. I put my head between my knees and hoped I wouldn't vomit whatever little substance still remained in my stomach. All I could focus on was not allowing my barriers to slip again.
"So you're the little Jedi," A cool, feminine voice said, sounding detached, but oddly curious. I jerked, looking up, only to regret that course of action as my head spun.
I was surprised that there was someone in the room I hadn't sensed, even in sleep. I must have been too far into my brother's mind to sense my surroundings. I'd never gone so deep into his mind before. It was frightening, that my mind had reached out to him, even after I found out that he-
I recoiled away from the thought, flinching, and instead focused myself on the woman with bright orange eyes and even more brilliant green hair. She was wearing a rather unique looking black uniform with a high-necked black top and the Black Knight's symbol splashed across the chest. She was sitting on a large, plush-looking chair, knees up against her waist, revealing white boots.
"Who are you?" I asked, sitting up, realizing I was once again, wearing nothing but medical bandages. I was entrenched in a large bed, a grey sheet covering my lower limbs.
"Why do you just look into my mind and see for yourself?" She asked back, her eyes inquisitive, almost challenging.
"Because it is rude to invade someone's mind unless absolutely necessary," I replied, noticing that she possessed and odd tattoo on her forehead that almost looked like an abstract bird. The woman smiled, but the expression was flat, and held no warmth. Despite not reaching out for the Force to sense her, I sensed that she was older than she appeared.
Much, much older.
"Your connection to your brother must stronger than you realized," The woman said, slowly getting up out of her chair and sitting on the edge of the bed. "If he was able to breach your mind."
"I don't know what you mean." I said coldly. I didn't like what she was implying, or more importantly who she might tell.
"Ten years in Britannia truly have changed you little Jedi," the woman said with a smile. I bristled, not liking the choice of words. "Now calm down. The doctors can check you body, but your control of the Force must be also be checked."
"You're a Jedi?" I asked surprised. There were few in the world who could have enough skill to assess my power.
"No, but I have lived long enough to learn a few tricks here and there." That quieted my concern for the moment. "Now I know Zero wishes to see you, but you and I know how dangerous you will be if not properly centered." Despite not knowing this woman, she made a fair point, one I couldn't ignore, and if Zero had sent her, I wasn't exactly in a position to refuse his request, especially one that made sense.
"Very well," I finally conceded. The woman smiled coldly again and reached out and placed her pale fingers on my temples.
"What happened to me. Why did I collapse?" I asked, figuring that as long as she was getting something out of this, I could as well.
"It seems as though you were in the beginning stages of cryo-sleep when you escaped the First Order, and your body couldn't take the strain." The woman's fingers continued to slide over my temples, and I felt the ghost of a presence in the Force surrounding my mind, but it wasn't intrusive or abrasive. It was cold, and curious, just like this woman. After several more minutes of the careful prodding, the presence disappeared, and the woman removed her fingers from my temples. "You are quite, impressive. I do not think I'd ever seen someone as powerful as you, or as controlled as you."
"I've had a lot of practice," I murmured.
"I see," the woman replied neutrally. "Would you like my help in blocking your brother from your mind?"
"No," I said quickly. Though I had allowed her to check what she needed, I didn't relish the though of someone who felt like her taking up permanent residence within my mind. "It was a lapse, it won't happen again." The woman inclined her head. After a moment of hesitation, I ventured a question "Will you, not tell Zero about this?"
"I'm afraid I have to, for his protection, but considering the lengths our brother has gone to keep you alive, I doubt Zero will tell the others on his counsel." I breathed a sigh of relief. At the very least, Lelouch would keep my secret safe.
"Thank you," I said quietly. The woman didn't acknowledge the words, but instead stood and walked toward the door, and on the way out, she tapped a wall, to reveal a folded outfit nestled in a drawer.
"This is for you," The woman said. "Zero made it for you personally, in case he was ever able to get you out. The belts were an addition after he learned of your lightsabers."
The outfit was, not quite what I was expecting. It was high-necked and black, with a keyhole in my chest and back that dropped down to my thighs, almost like a small dress. The black pants were tight, and the boots were just below the knees. There was a pair of black gloves and I slipped them on. There was a big gold necklace that went around my neck, and it felt heavy against my chest. I slipped on the first belt around my waist, which had a hanging attachment for my first saber. The second belt was actually close to a garter, and slipped into my boot, unnoticed until I needed it.
The effect of the outfit itself was imposing. Except for the flashes of gold in belts and on the boots, it was all black. I imagined it would look even more imposing against my purple lightsabers, although I doubt Lelouch was thinking about that when he made this. As I looked in mirror for the first time since I had remember my past, it hit me that after all of this, I still didn't recognize the girl in the mirror.
I could see my mother in me. My hair was braided and bound at the back of my head, just like hers so often had been when I was a child.
I could see my father in me. I was a rebel just like him, bound not to truly fit in anywhere.
I could even see Aurora Canan, the demure, backstabbing noble whose only life mission was see Britannian fall.
But Larissa had gotten lost, disappeared ten years ago. Even though, in her time, she'd fallen asleep mere moments ago, I'd lived ten years without her values, her morals, or her powers. She was only a part of me, and the only person who'd known Larissa, who'd care for her more than myself was him, my brother.
The temptation to reach out to him, to feel his mind came so hard and fast that I almost didn't stop myself in time. I bit my lip, my hands shaking. I couldn't do that, as much as I wanted to, I couldn't. He'd killed Father and I as much as I wanted to forgive him, wish to forgive him, I couldn't anymore than I could forgive Luke for what he'd done.
The only difference between Luke and my brother, is I wished I could forgive him. He'd been a part of my life for so long, it was hard to imagine being Larissa without him. But I couldn't be Aurora Canan, not when she'd come to represent so much of the things I hated so much. I couldn't just be one or the other.
I suppose I would have to wear both personalities and find out what took to me more.