11/24/850

Dear diary,

Today I learned more about Levi.

In the morning, after our routine kissing, Levi sat down. I decided to sit on his lap - I thought the closeness would be nice.

"Petra, get up." Levi said, right behind my ear, a few minutes later.

I got up. " What is it?" Did I overstep?

"Don't sit with your back to me." That was it? I heaved a sigh of relief and sat facing him. I was welcomed with a kiss. "Petra, what do you think I did in the underground?"

He'd told me a sketch of his life. "I guess you stole and beat people up along the way …" He nodded.

"Ral,..." He sighed and leaned back. "I was a killer." A killer!

"You killed people!"

He nodded sheepishly. Could I deal with this fact - the man I love being a killer? Did it matter? Why?

"Why?" He looked at me and his guilt seemed to deepen. "Tell me why before you blame yourself."

"You're not scared?"

"Of what?"

"Me."

"Why should I be?" I kissed him on the cheek.

He held my neck. "I could kill you."

"But I trust you won't."

"How can you forgive me?"

"I love you, that's how."

"So, I get away with murder?"

"Yeah… but not hiding your love." It was kinda funny… He gets away with murder but not having a secret.

"Sorry."

"I told you I loved you twice!"

"I was scared." I scared Levi? I must be quite unique.

"Of what?"

"Of attachment."

"Why couldn't you just tell me?"

"Sorry."

"There were days when I thought you like Hange!"

His face betrayed a 'Hange?!' and what I hoped was an 'Ewww.' "But, what if you couldn't help? What if you made it worse?" What if he was right? It occurred to me that I could be burdening him?

"What if this is wrong?" I tried not to cry as I got off Levi and walked back up to my room.

Levi entered. "Ral…"

"What if I'm wrong? What if I burdened you too much? What if…" I was interrupted by a kiss.

"Then one of us will find out."

"But… why should we? Isn't humanity more important than our feelings? Wouldn't it be easier not to feel? Why should" He kissed me again.

"God, Ral. Don't make me do that again."

"But…"

"You're not a burden."

"But when I die…"

"I'll see. Is a world which lets you die really worth my time?"

"But you're humanity's best…"

"And you're his inspiration." I guess somehow, love was the answer to this problem as well. "Also, if I'm burdening you too much, tell me."

"Not being with you was burden enough." Levi looked at me. "You know, even when I was dying that's what I thought about." He gave me a quizzical look. "I saw Auro die and Annie take away Eren. Then you came and I saw it in your face. I could tell that you wanted to apologize. I wish I could come and tell you how much we forgave you. It was not your fault. All I wanted was to ask if I could've ever gone out with you."

Levi kissed me. "I almost came down to tell you how sorry I was and how I loved you the whole time."

"Touching." It was Mikasa, ruining another scene.

"Like you wouldn't do this to Eren." Levi growled. "What is it?"

"Message from Hange."

"And?"

"We're going to test out the hardening abilities."

That meant me and Eren. This was bad - I thought I was done titan-shifting. Levi was reading my face. "But if you ate Reiner, then you're probably going to be able to harden."

"What?"

"He was the armoured titan." So maybe the power was transferred?

In the end, we found that I couldn't harden. Eren did and Armin theorized that it was in self-defense. Thus, after christmas, further experiments were planned for Eren. Thankfully, my weak titan was spared from Hange's prodding.