Total Phokémon Island

by maycontestdrew

Welcome to Total Phokémon Island. First of all, yes, the 'h' in Phokémon is intentional. Secondly, with Shaymin as your host, a fresh batch of Pokémon will be participating in exciting and potentially life-threatening challenges in order to win bucket loads of cash. There will be blood, sweat, tears, romance, and best of all, drama. Are you up for the challenge? Pokemon SYOC.

10. Chapter 10: The Garden of Thorns

Chapter VII: The Garden of Thorns

Lurantis sat, propped on his bed, grunting quietly to himself as he pressed his temples with his scythes. The room seemed to spin around him, all the furniture scurrying uncontrollably around the room as the walls seemed to cave in.

He felt a sudden jab at his belly and groaned as he clutched his stomach, stumbling off the bed to retreat to the bathroom. Just as he reached the sink, a warm, putrid liquid rose up against his throat, the bitter and acidic taste beginning to force itself into his mouth. Kneeling before the sink, Lurantis choked as the burning and tingling sensation climaxed in his throat, and the contents of the previous night's dinner came spewing out of his mouth and into the sink.

"I'm sick," he hissed to himself, wiping away the remnants of the vomit from his face and splashing water onto his face.

Nauseated, Lurantis staggered back to his bed, almost collapsing with sudden distaste as he found a slip of paper resting there. Without hesitating, he snatched the paper into his hands and read the messy jumble of writing.

"This is what happens to those who mess with the Wheel of Fortune."

Crumpling the paper inside his hands, Lurantis narrowed his eyes as they darted around the room. Who could have placed the piece of paper there? Apart from him, the only other inhabitants of the room were Magikarp and Pancham-

Pancham.

His lip twisted with resentment as he glared at Pancham, who was snoring lightly on his bed, seemingly undisturbed.

"It can't be Pancham," he murmured to himself, barely an intelligible whisper. "Only Ludicolo would be foolish enough to threaten me with the 'Wheel-of-Fortune' shit."

Lurantis leaned over, edging closer to the vulnerable, sleeping panda. Running his scythe down the arch of Pancham's back, Lurantis snickered to himself as he watched the panda shudder from the ticklish yet sharp feeling of the scythe running across his back. Frowning, Lurantis snickered to himself.

"But if it is you, Pancham, don't you dare think I'll have any mercy."

Digging his scythe further, enough for it to hurt but not enough to rip through flesh, Lurantis waited for Pancham to react to the sharp end along his skin. After a moment, Pancham released a small squeal, before curling into a fetal position, his eyelids still snapped shut.

Lurantis didn't care if Pancham was secretly awake and aware of the scythe on his back. If anything, he wanted Pancham to feel conscious of the dangerous position he was in; to know that he would be sleeping in fear if he continued to force Lurantis into goodness. He wanted the weak, pathetic little panda to tremble at the thought of even speaking to him.

After all, fear was the best deterrent of them all.

---

"Twenty eight… twenty nine… thirty… Thirty." Shaymin huffed as her eyes quickly skimmed over her cast, who were tentatively nipping at the berries in their plate. "Only thirty? Someone is missing."

Pancham instantly raised his arm. "That would be Lurantis," he stated before biting his lip. "The poor guy is really, really sick and weak. His legs barely seemed to function."

"His legs barely seemed to function?" Magikarp snickered. "His legs seemed fine when he went running to the bathroom to throw up."

Her eyes widening marginally, Shaymin hushed both Magikarp and Pancham with a fierce stare. "Well… Looks like I'll excuse him from today's challenge. But I'm going to need someone to look after him for the day, so that if he dies, it'll be your responsibility and not mine. Anyone volunteer?"

Without hesitating, Pancham's arm shot into the air again.

"I'll do it!" Pancham declared, jumping from his seat. Before Shaymin could even approve, the small panda darted out of the cafeteria, sprinting back towards his room.

Shaking her head, Shaymin mused, "Looks like Kyogres are down by two contestants now." Her satirical expression was suddenly replaced with a concerned one as she eyed the cast. "Does anyone know if Lurantis has been spending too much time around the trees on this island?"

"Nope," Garchomp answered, her head balanced on her scythe as she stared at the host, stiff and rigid with boredom. "Why would trees be relevant, anyways?"

Shaymin shrugged. "The trees here are poisonous, especially if someone cuts them or anything."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Gastly began, shooting a hesitant glance at Buneary. "We've been surrounded b-by poisonous trees this entire time!?"

"Why are you so surprised?" Meowstic asked with a smirk. "She's allowed us to be eaten by Victreebel, has made us clean a house for her and gives us pathetic budgets of $2. Did you seriously think she gave a shit about us?"

Batting away the comment, Shaymin squinted her nose. "The trees are poisonous so that no one will attempt to burn them down or cut them down for paper or anything. And by poison, it's nothing fatal; contact with the bark will just mean that you will become a little ill. That's all. So stop fussing about, will you?"

0000

"That is genuinely concerning," Lucario noted, eyes large with worry. "I could have sworn that I saw a tree that had bits of its bark chopped off."

0000

Shaymin cackled mischievously."Fear," she murmured, relishing the word as it escaped her lips. "I love how it looks, I love how it feels, I love how it smells and I even love how it sounds. Why, I even love the taste of it!"

0000

"Gastly," Banette called out, patting the vacant seat beside her encouragingly. "Come sit with us." She gestured toward Pumpkaboo and Mimikyu, who nodded their heads enthusiastically.

Flushing slightly from the attention, he began to drift towards them. "Er, sure-" A bellow from across the room cut him off.

"Gastly!"

All four of the ghost-type Pokémon turned to face Buneary, who was glaring at Gastly with her hands propped on her hips.

"Yes, Buneary?" Gastly prodded, biting his lip worriedly as Buneary frowned.

The bunny, in response, arched an eyebrow rather cynically. "Why are you sitting with them, instead of me? Have I done something wrong?"

"Er, no-"

"Good. Then sit down right here." Slamming the palm of her hand sharply against the chair beside her, she eyed him expectantly.

Gastly sighed, tossing a sympathetic glance towards his ghost-type comrades. "Yes, Buneary…" he murmured, almost a whimper, before floating towards Buneary.

"I thought Banette was helping Gastly become more confident," Pumpkaboo pointed out bluntly, lowering her voice so that only the companions on her table could hear her.

"Me too," Banette agreed. "I think he is more confident, in a way. I just think she might be a bit… overpowering and clingy."

Mimikyu nodded her head. "And scary, too!"

"As scary as Jigglypuff?"

"Almost," Mimikyu answered with a rather sheepish smile.

Furrowing her brows, Pumpkaboo tilted her head quizzically. "Why are you even scared of Jigglypuff?"

"They give me the heebie-jeebies." Shrugging, she added, "I just find their eyes so creepy! It's like they can see the depths of your soul. It's like… Jigglypuff is trying to eat me from the inside."

Banette and Pumpkaboo exchanged bewildered glances, but neither dared to question the small Pokémon beside them.

0000

"I know people think my fear of Jigglypuff is unreasonable," Mimikyu confessed, her lips pouted. "But at least I haven't accidentally run over her with the tractor yet!"

0000

"Get out of my seat."

Garchomp stood domineeringly behind Vespiquen, her fists clenched beside her as she watched the bee. When Vespiquen made no effort to move, Garchomp cleared her throat, once again reiterating, "I said, get out of my seat."

"I didn't realise that you owned this seat," Vespiquen replied politely, turning around so she could face the dragonoid Pokémon behind her. "We've all sat in different spots every day, so I assumed that it would be okay to sit here today."

"You assumed wrong," Garchomp retorted. "Now, get out of my seat."

Huffing in resignment, Vespiquen grasped the table, heaving herself up. Just as she was ready to leave the table, she abruptly halted her movement and allowed herself to sit back onto the bench.

"Get out of my fucking seat," Garchomp belaboured, her voice a rough growl as she spoke through gritted teeth.

Blinking back the confusion from her eyes, Vespiquen shrugged nonchalantly. "No."

"What did you say?" Garchomp demanded, leaning forwards. "Do you want to fight me? Is that was this is?"

Heat began to rush into Vespiquen's cheeks as she watched the cast stare at them. A part of her wanted to reach out and punch the Garchomp, teach her what a bully she was being. At the same time, however, she could already imagine how humiliated she would feel if her entire hive had witnessed her intentionally hurt another Pokémon; they would be appalled.

Raising her hands in surrender, Vespiquen once again rose from the seat and began to fly to another vacant seat. She could hear Garchomp snicker behind her, but forced herself to ignore the urge to remark sarcastically or tell the dragon-type off. Rather, she sealed her lips shut and sat on the vacant seat beside Salazzle.

As soon as she was seated, Salazzle turned to give her a baffled stare.

"Why didn't you fight her?" Salazzle asked, her face creased with lines of confusion. "That was the perfect opportunity to teach fire-breathing-bitch-queen a lesson or two. She was totally asking for it."

Vespiquen released a downcast sigh. "It wouldn't be queenly of me."

"Queenly, my ass!" Salazzle exclaimed, slamming her fist onto the table. "Garchomp is angry, and she's releasing all that concentrated fury on you for no reason. You know that she's bullying you, and you need to put a stop to it before she hurts you even worse than she already has. You need to fight back."

"You know I can't do that, Salazzle," Vespiquen muttered, shaking her head dolefully. "What would the Pokémon in my hive say? They would all be ashamed of me. A queen should never act with violence or unadulterated passion."

Shrugging, Salazzle threw a pointed look towards the bee. "So you're just going to be a pacifist for ever?"

"Well, yeah. It's part of the job of being a queen."

"Okay," Salazzle said with a sniff. "But let's say that you're in your hive, and some random Pokémon comes along and burns your hive down. They're so consumed with their own passion that they can't see the disaster they're creating, and they won't listen the peaceful treaty and consoling you're trying to do. Talking to them is literally like talking to a brick wall. What do you do? Let them burn the place down because you're queenly and can't hurt anyone? Or would you stand up and fight for your hive, using the passion and love you have for all your bees?"

Speechless, Vespiquen opened her mouth in an attempt to formulate an answer, but snapped it back shut.

"Exactly," Salazzle snarked, leaning her elbows against the table. "That's what I thought."

---

"Hey Lurantis!" Pancham greeted as he burst open the door to Lurantis' room.

The mantis, who was propped lazily on his bed, arched an eyebrow skeptically at the panda. "Don't you have a challenge to go to?"

"Nope! I'm your nurse for today. From now and on, you can start calling me Nanny Pancham!"

"Apologies," Lurantis snickered with a drawl. "Don't you have a challenge to go to, Nanny Pancham?"

Puffing his chest out proudly, Pancham shook his head. "Nope! I'm here to make you feel better!"

Lurantis restrained his every desire to reach out and fling the panda out of the room. After blinking slowly at Pancham, he spoke, his voice reasonable and calm as he said, "I don't think that is a wise idea. For one, our team will be down by more players. Secondly, you might catch whatever illness I have currently contracted."

"Don't be silly," Pancham scoffed. "The only reason you're sick is because you've been bad, and Arceus tends to punish bad Pokémon using that that thing; Karma or something."

"So?"

Pancham sighed. "So… The only way I'm going to make you feel better is by making you a good person!"

"And why would I want to do that?" Lurantis asked, his voice level with amusement despite the growing creases of frustration that were beginning to line his face.

"Because in the tribe, if there is one person who lacks integrity, the whole group falls apart! We must, as a group, unite to form the best ever team. So you need improve your conscience. Otherwise, you deserve to leave. I've watched every elimination till this date, and it's so heart-wrenching to see all these morally just Pokémon leave. It's just so awful to watch."

"Then don't watch it."

Shaking his head sadly, Pancham only glanced sympathetically at Lurantis. "I have to watch every elimination. I like to silently bless them on their journey while I stand to the side."

"Fantastic," Lurantis remarked sarcastically. "Now I know exactly how to send you off when you get eliminated."

Pancham only remained silent as he squinted his eyes, examining the mantis carefully.

"What?" Lurantis hissed, glancing down at himself. "Is there something wrong?"

"When I look at you, I always feel dismayed," Pancham explained, frowning. "I always feel dismayed at how normal you look. Surely there should be something - pointy ears or a pair of horns - to warn people of your lack of integrity."

The grass-type raised his arms, rolling his eyes. "Scythes."

"Right. Anyways!" Pancham exclaimed, backing away slightly, his cheery demeanour replacing the bitter frown on his face. "We're going to make you good, now! I'm sure there is hope for you. First of all, we're going to start with a game of-"

"No," Lurantis abruptly responded, holding up his scythe.

"Why not?"

Taking a threatening step forwards, Lurantis snarled. "Have you ever considered that maybe there are Pokémon in this world who don't want to change?"

"But… Being good is the best thing that could ever happen to a person! Once you become good, you'll understand that it is the best feeling in the world!" Pancham reasoned, not daring to back away from Lurantis' glare. "Your family and friends will be so happy when they see that you have changed for the better-"

Lurantis interrupted the panda with a loud, brittle laugh. "Happy?" he spat incredulously, shaking his head. "You don't know my parents. If anyone can be classified as evil, it would be them."

"That's alright!" Pancham insisted, balling his hands into fists nervously. "Once you show them that you're good, they will learn to be good and you all can care for each other and-"

"And live happily ever after?" Lurantis finished, grinning satirically. "Don't be stupid. When I was small, even when I was polite, not a single person would pay any attention to me. Even when I was kind, I didn't see a single Pokémon try to befriend me, or show me any sort of care or love. Not even my parents. That's the thing about Pokémon. We only be 'good' so that we can get something else from others. We use it to our advantage, to manipulate. There is no such thing as goodness anymore."

Crossing his arms stubbornly, Pancham pouted. "That's where you're wrong! I mean, come on, there are so many good Pokémon all around you. Not to brag, but take for example, me. Even though you're a bit of a, well, bastard, I'm still taking time out to be nice to you-"

"Oh, indeed you are," Lurantis agreed, suddenly thoughtful. "But you know what? Pokémon like you are the ones I hate the most. I hate your confident and righteous you believe you are; as if you're some sort of hero. Besides, Nanny Pancham, why are you here? Why do you want to make me good?"

Pancham shifted uncomfortably. "Um… Because if you're good, our team will become stronger-"

"Ah," Lurantis sighed, leaning back with satisfaction. "So you're doing it for the benefit of our team. After all, the stronger our team is, the more likely we are to win every challenge, which ensures that you will go further in the game. Isn't that right?"

Upon hearing Pancham's silence, Lurantis snickered.

"See? There is no such thing as goodness. Every act of kindness has selfish intentions behind them."

Pancham leapt up, storming up to Lurantis so that he could jab his finger at the mantis. "That's not true, and you know it! With that sort of attitude, you'll be out of this competition before you even know it! Evil never wins. Never."

"I'm here to show the world otherwise," Lurantis replied, glancing down as his scythes. "I'm here to prove to everyone that evil can win, and I'm ready to destroy anyone who will stop me. That includes you, Nanny Pancham."

The mantis tilted his head to the side, before striding towards the door and holding it open for Pancham. Gesturing at the open doorway, Lurantis smiled politely.

"So I suggest that you leave me to rest and join the rest of our team for the challenge."

It only took seconds for Pancham to sprint out of the room, hurriedly thanking the mantis for holding the open for him as he scurried away from the room.

0000

Pancham sighed softly as he looked out the window. "It's a shame that he's such a sadistic bastard, because he has wonderful manners."

0000

"Erm… So I got some fan-mail today," Jigglypuff began, an expression of horror shadowing her face. "Some sent me a bag of… male private parts."

0000

"Wait, wait, wait," Ribombee said, holding his hands out in front of him. "So someone sent you fan-mail asking for you to be their girlfriend?"

Jigglypuff nodded, frowning. "Erm, yeah. And they gave me a really weird parcel, too."

"What was it?"

"Um…" Jigglypuff mumbled to herself softly, before hesitantly glancing up at Ribombee. "Well, they sent me a bag of- you know what? I can't say it. It's kind of embarrassing. Plus, it's really inappropriate."

Ribombee grinned as he watched Jigglypuff's cheeks blossom with a rosy red colour. "Fine. Can I at least take a guess? Give me a hint, and I'll work it out."

"Fine," Jigglypuff sighed, resolute. "Well, it's something that males have. And it rhymes with ticks."

"Sticks?"

Shaking her head, Jigglypuff gave a sheepish grin. "Nope. Come on, Ribombee, it's something that only men have, and it's used to… do the do."

With a gasp of realisation, Ribombee's jaw dropped.

"Oh! Do you mean… that?"

"Uh-huh."

0000

Ribombee shook his head furiously. "How dare someone give my sweetheart a sack of bricks!"

0000

"Has everyone had their food?" Shaymin asked, raising her voice to drown out the buzz of conversations beneath her. "Because our guests will be arriving any second now-"

"Wait!"

Everyone turned to face Pancham, who had just barged into the room, panting.

"What is it, Pancham?" Shaymin hissed, tapping her foot impatiently as she landed on a table. "You're supposed to be taking care of Lurantis."

"He doesn't want me to take care of him. I'm, um, too nice for him."

The host scowled. "Well, if he's going to be an ass and won't accept some friendly nurturing, we'll give him some unfriendly nurturing. Espeon?"

Arching a brow, Espeon eyed Shaymin with distaste. "What?"

"As the least friendly person here, you're going to be nannying Lurantis for today."

"Whatever," Espeon murmured with a shrug, before strolling towards the exit.

Shaymin clapped her paws together. "Fabulous. Now, I'm going to see where our guests are."

As the host flew out of the room, Garchomp bit her lip and glanced down at the plate of berries in front of her, contemplatively eyeing the food as she thought about Lurantis.

0000

"That's weird," Garchomp noted, furrowing her brows. "Usually, Lurantis is pretty friendly to everyone. I wonder what Pancham and him must have argued about, to have Pancham run back to the cafeteria so quickly."

0000

Sighing heavily, Shaymin began rummaging around her in room, sliding along the glossy floors as she hunted down her flower crown. Her guests were to arrive at any second, and she hadn't even found her crown to adorn herself with. Arceus knew what they would think of her once they saw how plain and un-extravagant she truly was-

"You brought us to that rat's show?!"

Her ears perking suddenly, Shaymin craned her neck to glance out the window. To her horror, her guests had already arrived; there were Solgaleo and Lunala, the two hosts of their very own show, along with their six contestants: Dhelmise, Lycanroc, Hakamo-o, Tsareena, Shiinotic and Pyukumuku.

Rather than bursting through the door and welcoming them, Shaymin shuffled towards the door, pressing her ear against the slab of wood tentatively as she heard them talk about her.

"She's… blah!" The Dhelmise remarked, his voice tainted with disgust.

The Lycanroc, a female one, was calmly rebutting the Dhelmise. "Hey, she's not that bad. There's plenty of worse hosts and you know it."

The Hakamo-o had also spoken, but Shaymin was no longer listening. She could feel heat rushing to her face as she imagined their expressions as they spoke about her. She was blah? What was that even supposed to mean?

"She's unorganised, she has a Bellossom slave, she acts like she does everything by herself and no one is above her," the Dhemise ranted.

Upon hearing his judgemental analysis, Shaymin felt her heart drop for a moment, the smile fading from her face. Was that really what other Pokémon had thought about her?

"If anything, she and the bad Victini should get married!"

As soon as she heard Victini's name, Shaymin felt the ropes of her self-restraint snap. Without hesitating, Shaymin shoved the door open, glowering as she hollered at the Dhelmise, who seemed ready to continue talking shit about her.

"She is right here, asshole!" she cried out, her blood bubbling with fury. As quickly as it had come, the rage flushed out of her body, leaving her breathless and quizzical as she said, "I'll have you know that- wait, is Victini even single?"

"Both good and evil are single, yes," Solgaleo replied. "Thankfully for bad, ehhh for good."

Shaymin blinked back her confusion. Good and evil Victini? She could have sworn there was only one. Arching an eyebrow skeptically, she tilted her head to the side. "I could have sworn that Victini had a thing for Manaphy." After a momentary frown, she added, "Unless, of course, Manaphy went back for the Ditto."

"Oh, the good Victini didn't tell me about that," Solgaleo replied nonchalantly. "Well, I guess he's with her. The evil Victini is still single, and you two act almost the same…"

"Are you suggesting that I'm evil?"

Ignoring Shaymin's glare, Solgaleo asked slyly, "Are you suggesting that I'm suggesting?"

Shaymin opened her mouth to protest, but Solgaleo beat her to it.

"Just know that I can go at this for a long time," he pointed out. "So you might as well just accept it."

Pouting, Shaymin shrugged her shoulders. "Fine. Evil or not, we better get started on the challenge, yeah?"

"Yeah-"

"Wait," the Hakamo-o interrupted, bewildered. "Did you just completely ignore Dhelmise and go into legendary hook-up talk?"

Shaymin didn't bother responding. Rather, she began soaring into the air, passing by the fields of bristling meadows. After a moment of the blissful adrenaline that tingled her veins from flying, Shaymin turned enthusiastically and gestured towards her guests.

"Come on, guys! It's as if you want this chapter to be fifty thousand words or something. Hurry your hulking asses up!"

0000

"You know what they say," Shaymin began, glancing down at her paws, almost shyly. "When you're low on self-esteem, you have to run on gasoline."

0000

Though Shaymin hadn't exactly expected admiration from foreign cast as they gazed at the cafeteria, she certainly hadn't expected the horrified distaste each contestant seemed to have as they stared at the metal linings that barricaded the cafeteria windows.

Dancing past her gardens, Shaymin threw open the door to the dungeon-like building, gesturing for them to follow behind her. "Come in," she sang, ignoring their unimpressed expressions.

Dhelmise, it seemed, was the most unimpressed of them all.

"The fuck is this?" Dhelmise questioned as he entered the building. "Jail?"

"Pretty much," a cynical voice responded. The new guests from Solgaleo and Lunala's show turned to glance at a Salazzle, whose lip was twisted into a frown. "But who the hell are you?"

All of Shaymin's cast were watching the foreign contestants eagerly, with either suspicion or excitement.

Completely unfazed by the attention, Dhelmise snarked. "I'm Mr Fuck Your Feelings. Nice to meet you."

"Hi Mr Fuck Your Feelings," Salazzle snickered in response, ignoring the frustrated glare that Shaymin was throwing at her. "I hate to disappoint you, but there are no feelings to fuck, anyways."

Stoically, Dhelmise replied, "Hey, who said anything about your feelings? That goes for anyone."

Shaymin glanced anxiously at her cast as they watched the foreign contestants. She had forgotten to warn them about the collaboration with Solgaleo and Lunala, and judging by their expressions, they thought these newcomers were potential intruders.

Before any of them could question the foreigners, the Hakamo-o huffed "Hey," she said to Dhelmise, folding her arms as she glared at him. "Thanks for the awful first impression."

Froslass offered a weak smile. "To be fair, it's not like Salazzle really helped with first impressions on our side."

"Speak for yourself," Garchomp retorted. "I think she was pretty spot on."

After examining the Garchomp, the Dhelmise turned to Hakamo-o and quipped, "Hey, look Hakamo-o! It's your long lost cousin that bred with a Sharpedo!"

Seeing both Garchomp and Hakamo-o clench their fists, Skitty pounced onto the table, her voice chirpy and melodic as she exclaimed, "Hi! I'm Skitty, and it's a pleasure to meet you-"

"No, it's not," Shaymin suddenly interrupted, rolling her eyes. "They're jerks; and unfortunately for my cast, today's challenge is actually a collaborative challenge with them! But first, I suppose I should introduce them to you all-"

The Dhelmise laughed a horrible, thrilling cackle, as he spoke. "Jerks? Ha! Allow me to introduce you all to us…" Shaymin's cast watched in amusement as the Dhelmise gestured towards Hakamo-o, his voice cynical as he spoke. "Dhelmise, I swear to Arceus…" Hakamo-o started before being cut off.

"Here, we have…. 'The Serious Bitch'," he introduced, ignoring the glare that the dragon-type was shooting at him. "She's all about the game and well… that's it. She doesn't know what the hell fun is outside of exercising and… she's just now discovering her emotions…"

"I will tear you apart," Hakamo-o threatened, baring her teeth as she hissed.

"And violence," the Dhelmise added with sarcastic cheerfulness, before flouncing over towards Lycanroc. "Here we have 'Ms Wild Thang'. She's all about having fun and getting up close and personal with guys, but don't even think about sex because she's not gonna do shit and uh… hm… I guess that's it."

Shroomish smiled sympathetically as he watched the female Lycanroc - the foreign one - facepalm and blush. "We have a Lycanroc, too," he pointed out, indicating towards the wolf beside him. "He is all about having fun, as well."

Triggered by his name, the male Lycanroc leapt from his seat. "HAS ANYONE TASTED THE NIPPLE SALAD?"

"He reminds me of my third cousin…" the female Lycanroc murmured, her expression blank as she watched the male Lycanroc exclaim something about a 'meat train'.

Waving away both Lycanroc, the Dhelmise once again continued his introduction as he moved towards Pyukumuku. "Here, we have 'The Optimist'. He had a depressing life, but… fuck it, he's looking up in life now, so who cares?"

Shaymin's cast raised eyebrows skeptically, but the Pyukumuku only chuckled bashfully.

The Dhelmise floated next to the Tsareena. "Here we have 'Dumber Than a Sack of Bricks'," he commented. "Nobody knows how she's made it this far in life, but it's happened and… we all have to deal with it?"

"Damn…" Lucario muttered beneath his breath. "She's hot."

Stunfisk, bewildered by Lucario's comment, craned her neck as she analysed the Tsareena. After intensely examining the foreign competitor, she shrugged. "She's average, especially compared to my gorgeous self."

"In intelligence, that is very, very, very incorrect; Tsareena is a million miles below average. But in terms of appearance," Dhelmise began, shuddering dramatically as he eyed the Stunfisk. "You are a disgrace. At least Tsareena has looks to back up her idiocy."

Looking as if she was ready to pounce onto Dhelmise, Stunfisk was held back by Jigglypuff, who protested, "Hey, that wasn't very nice. You shouldn't say that to her. Remember, appearances are subjective!" she remarked, before grinning brightly.

"And Tsareena's lack of intelligence is ob-jective," Dhelmise snarked, before lightly shoving Tsareena forwards. The grass-type instantly fell forward, collapsing onto the ground in a motionless heap.

"Not again…" Tsareena moaned. "Can someone help me? How do you stand up?"

Shaymin's cast exchanged nervous looks as they watched Dhelmise snicker rather proudly.

"Wow," Golisopod stated, releasing a low whistle. "Asshole alert."

"Thanks! I pride myself in my craft," Dhelmise replied happily, before moving towards the final, unintroduced contestant. "Now, onto the next one of us you'll have to suffer through," he said, turning to Shiinotic. "We don't know what the hell to call this guy, but just know that if he's around, you're gonna hear some shit that makes no sense, makes you question your faith in Pokémon-ity, and actually disturbs you when you listen."

"Is that so?" Meowstic asked, a cheeky grin on his face. "It almost sounds as if you're describing yourself, Dhelmise."

Dhelmise glanced at the feline Pokémon before retorting, "Hey, wannabe Top Cat; maybe you should stick to coughing up hairballs."

Before Meowstic could defend himself, he was interrupted by Shiinotic.

"WALLS!" The fairy-type exclaimed.

The male Lycanroc's eyes blazed with sudden excitement. "MEAT BICYCLES!" Incineroar reached out and clamped a mouth of his mouth, and the rest of Shaymin's cast watched with fascinated terror as Shiinotic raised himself onto a table and began to speak.

"WALLS are the euphemism for loud, outraging butt-" Suddenly, his words were cut off.

0000

"Oh, shit," Shaymin gasped, panting for breath. "These guys are terrifying. And no, you do not get to hear what Shiinotic said. That has all been censored due to, erm, maturity and that sort of thing."

A slow grin began to spread up Shaymin's face, the grass-type winking charmingly towards the camera.

"But, if you purchase this series on DVD, it comes completely uncensored!"

0000

"Or you could just watch our episode where everything's uncensored anyway," Lunala explained.

0000

The camera panned back into the cafeteria, where Shaymin's cast were watching with wide-eyed awe at Shiinotic.

"Anyone foolish enough to stumble across them," Shiinotic was explaining with complete conviction. "Will be dismembered and their body will be eaten by the Alolan Diglett that live inside our genitalia… yeah…"

Shaymin's cast blinked in horrified amazement.

"Yep, that's Shiinotic," the female Lycanroc groaned sheepishly, hugging herself. "He got voted out early, but...they brought him back."

Dhelmise broke the trance, saying, "And now that you've had a taste of him, you've met everyone. You should know me by now, so I'm not gonna say anything other than I'm a jackass, smartass, whatever you decide to call me."

"And yeah… those are our contestants," Solgaleo finally said, stepping forwards. "I'm Solgaleo."

"And I'm Lunala," the other host greeted. "We're the hosts of Total Pokemon: Alola."

Shaymin puffed out her chest proudly. "I'm Shaymin, as everyone here should already know. And these guys," she said, gesturing nonchalantly towards her cast. "Are the contestants for my show, but I'm not going to bother introducing all thirty-one of them because, frankly, they're not nearly as interesting as me and we have a challenge to start!"

She watched exasperatedly as Dhelmise attempted to quip a response, before being attacked by Hakamo-o. After thanking the dragon-type, Shaymin began to speak once again.

"So, as most of you have established, today's challenge is a collaborative challenge between my cast and Solgaleo and Lunala's cast."

The female Lycanroc was eyeing Shaymin's Lycanroc tentatively. "So, how is this going to go?" she asked, pointing at him.

Shaymin glanced thoughtfully at the female Lycanroc. "Well, since there are two Lycanroc, the readers are probably going to be very confused. So, to save them from the confusion, my Lycanroc - the weird, meat bicycle obsessed one - has automatic immunity and does not have to take part in today's challenge."

"THERE IS NO FENCE ON THIS FENCE!" The male Lycanroc shrieked, before leaping out of his seat and through the window, presumably to his bedroom. Instantly, the contestants from Shaymin's island began to protest, but Shaymin waved away their objections.

"Remember," she chimed, almost mockingly. "The reader is the number one priority."

Dhelmise floated back into the air, eyeing Shaymin. "You're still breaking the fourth wall? This is a TV show. What are they reading? The TV guide?"

"Your death wish," Shaymin murmured softly, before grinning cheerfully towards Solgaleo and Lunala. "Would you two like to explain today's challenge?"

"Oh, right," Lunala began. "The first challenge today will be to find our cast members in order to add them to your team. It's not going to be permanent; it is simply for today's challenge."

Solgaleo nodded in agreement. "Essentially, our campers will hide and you all will find them. You have to find them twice in order to induct them into your team. And, as you can see, well, only a select few are worth it."

"We won't tell you each one's strengths, so you're just going to have to hope that you get the good ones," Lunala added. "And based on the challenge after this, aggressive players are going to be a necessity."

Haxorus raised her arm. "And what exactly is that challenge?"

"You'll find out when we get to that point," Solgaleo responded, peering intimidatingly at the Axe Jaw Pokémon.

"It better not be something that'll get me dirty," Stunfisk spat, hissing at the legendary.

The entirety of Shaymin's cast turned to face the self-proclaimed model, all of them sighing exasperatedly as they bellowed in unison.

"You're a ground-type!"

Before Stunfisk had the opportunity to protest, Primarina rose from her seat and smiled politely at the three hosts. "The challenge sounds excellent. When shall we begin?"

"When you decide to sit back down," Dhelmise retorted blankly. "I'm just guessing.

Ignoring the Sea Creeper Pokémon, Shaymin declared, "Your time starts now!" She watched with amusement as five of the Pokémon from Solgaleo and Lunala's cast scrambled out of the cafeteria, all except for Shiinotic, who continued to stare at her cast.

Suddenly, children's laughter began to echo throughout the cafeteria before Shiinotic vanished, the pricking, piercing sound leaving chills crawling up the spines of her cast.

0000

"Geez," Vespiquen sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. "I thought our Lycanroc was bad, but it turns out, they have it a lot worse with that Shiinotic of theirs."

0000

Over the loudspeaker, Shaymin's flamboyant voice sounded. "Alright, foreign campers! I hope you're hidden well, because your time is up; campers from my island, it's time to start hunting down your prey!"

Shroomish sighed as he heard this, glancing to his team of five, comprised of himself, Froslass, Stunfisk, Gastly and Buneary.

"We need to find someone who likes potatoes," Shroomish remarked abruptly, his voice sturdy with conviction.

Her face scrunching up with bafflement, Froslass grinned at him. "Why?"

"Because if someone really likes potatoes, they must be a really decent fellow," Shroomish explained jokingly, continuing to hobble after his team.

"Speaking of food," Buneary began, clutching at her stomach. "I'm hungry." She turned to face Gastly expectantly, almost as if she were forcing him to speak.

After a moment, Gastly caught the hint. "Oh! Why are you hungry, Buneary?"

"Because I didn't eat breakfast."

"Why not?"

Buneary sighed exasperatedly. "Because Victreebel's food tastes so bad!"

"I agree," Stunfisk snickered, slithering beside the bunny. "It tastes so bad that I get back aches whenever I eat her food."

Shroomish gave Stunfisk a bewildered glance. "Who gets back aches from food?"

"You're asking the wrong questions," Stunfisk retorted. "The real question is: who makes food so bad that it gives someone a back ache?"

"You know what?" Froslass asked, forcing herself to stifle back a chuckle as she glanced at Shroomish's baffled expression. "I actually have to agree with you on that, Stunfisk."

Rolling his eyes, Shroomish's body suddenly went rigid, and he whispered furiously to his group. "Um… guys? Look at this; one of them is here." Excitedly, he pointed at the tree, where a stream of glossy green hair shone like a beacon in the glaring sunlight.

The team of give paced over to where Shroomish had gestured, before they awkwardly stared at the Tsareena, who was too busy watching the tree to notice their presence.

"Erm… I guess we found one?" Froslass tentatively suggested, watching with unadulterated horror as the Tsareena continued to stand idly.

Stunfisk shook her head stubbornly. "Nope! She's not pretty enough for our team."

"But she's gorgeous," Buneary pointed out. "She might even be equally as pretty as yo-"

"Equally as pretty as who? Finish that sentence; I dare you!" Stunfisk shrieked, snarling at Buneary. "There is no way we are keeping her!"

Just then, the doors of the cafeteria swung open, the three hosts coming outside to assess the situation after hearing Stunfisk's outburst. Lunala was the one to explain the rule.

"You keep whoever you find twice", the Moone Pokemon explained before discovering which of her and Solgaleo's contestants was found so expeditiously. She had to hold back a laugh upon seeing that it was Tsareena that they'd located. "Well, uh… This is unfortunate. You'd better hope you don't find her again."

It was Solgaleo's turn to speak. "Tsareena! Hide somewhere else!"

The ditzy Fruit Pokemon didn't move a centimeter; she continued studying the intricate lines of the tree bark.

Seeing this response, Lunala sighed and glowered at Solgaleo from the corner of her eye. "You know, I expected something like this to happen," she derided. "I told you that we should have brought back Bewear."

Solgaleo rolled his eyes at his co-host's statement. "His voice is grating and he has a child with Mudsdale to worry about. No thanks."

"A child?" Shroomish echoed, his jaw dropping. "Arceus… Your contestants need to carry around some condoms."

Gastly, as if triggered by this, screeched. "My mummy sent me a condom!"

Everyone stared at the gaseous ghost for a few seconds before Lunala snapped them out of the transfixion.

"Well, we told them not to do anything, but teens don't ever wanna listen unless there's incentive," Lunala said with a shrug. "Nothing we can do now."

"Anyways," Froslass began at an attempt to steer the conversation topic back to the challenge. "Tsareena? You're going to have to hide again.

Tsareena only blinked in response. "But I already am! You can't even see me," she said as she moved to the left, now having her back towards everyone.

"But…. We can see you…" Shroomish protested, only to be interrupted from a cackle above.

"Haha, suckers!" Shaymin called out from above as she looked down from the sky. "Looks like you've found her twice! Tsareena is now on your team for the next challenge!"

Tsareena tilted her head to the side in confusion. "What's a team?"

The team that had found her groaned.

0000

"Why, cruel world, just why?"

Froslass groaned and hit her head against the side of the treehouse repeatedly.

0000

"Erm, Magikarp?" Primarina gently asked. "I appreciate that you consider yourself a Lord and all, but how about you actually offer some advice on where to look rather than continuously preach about the Wicked Gyarados?"

Tor shook his head suddenly, spitting at the ground. "Did you hear that, Egg and Ex? She's dissing Lord Magikarp!"

"No, she's not," Ex reasoned. "She's just being nice. What do you say, Egg?"

"Only shooting stars break the mould?" Egg whimpered helplessly, cowering as Tor glared at him.

Before Tor could scowl at his brothers, Magikarp opened his gaping mouths, his warm voice resonating throughout the area as he said, "Ignore Primarina, Tor. Sometimes, the wicked will just tell you things in order to confuse you; to haunt your thoughts long after you've faced them."

"Amen," Tor muttered, bowing his head in prayer.

Primarina exchanged a hopeless glance towards Lucario, who only shrugged. After a moment, a playful smirk grew on his face and he turned to Musharna, winking at her flirtatiously.

"Isn't it ironic, Musharna, that you spend most of your time dreaming even though you happen to be the woman of my dreams?" he asked, almost jokingly.

Musharna, her cheeks glowing with colour, shook her head. "I suppose it is ironic... "

His eyes widening marginally, Lucario's jaw dropped. "Wait, hold up, you actually responded politely to my pick-up line? Does that mean that you like me? Are you my dream girl, and am I your dream man?"

"Oh, Lucario…" Musharna sighed, smiling faintly. "Just because I gaze at the stars… Doesn't mean that they gaze back at me…"

Everyone, including Magikarp, turned to stare at Musharna, who waited in silence for the profoundness of her words to sink in. After a moment, Lucario cleared his throat and gestured towards a nearby cavern.

"Hey? What about this cave?" Lucario called, causing the rest of the group to look towards the deep, dark hole.

Primarina nodded, "Yes, the cave seems to be a place that they'd hide."

"Nonsense. Based on their appearances, they aren't intelligent enough to know that designated spots such as those are too obvious. They must be somewhere that actually requires thought." Magikarp scoffed and began walking- well, splashing away.

"Uh, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, I say we go in there, and kick whoever's ass is in there!" Tor brushed Magikarp aside, yelling into the cave. While he was screaming, Egg and Ex attempted to protest to no avail.

"Tor, I don't think that's the goal-"

"Quiet, you!" Tor snapped, glaring at his brother.

The three continued arguing for a substantial amount of time, the remaining members of the team rolled their eyes and began chatting amongst themselves.

Musharna, ignoring them, began to float into the cave, peering around. "Hm…" she murmured, turning around as she explored the cave. "I certainly sense something here…" Suddenly, she heard a large, piercing crash from the outside, along with Tor screaming profanities at his brothers.

"I guess I better go sort them out…" she muttered to herself, drifting out of the cavern and forcing herself to ignore the prickling sensation of being watched.

As she left the cave, her team members watched her carefully.

"Well?" Primarina asked patiently. "Did you see anything?"

Musharna hesitated. "No… I didn't see anything…"

"My point exactly," Magikarp declared. "Now, let's go." Without another word, he began flouncing away, with Lucario, Primarina and the Egg Brothers stalking behind him, leaving Musharna behind to finish her sentence into the barren air.

"... But I think I felt someone's presence…"

0000

"Like I said…" Musharna whispered to herself, yawning. "I gazed at the stars, but the stars didn't gaze back."

0000

"Will you relax?" Haxorus told Golisopod, who was scavenging around the rigid, rocky shores furiously, tumultuously throwing aside anything in his way. "We're only playing hide-and-seek. We're not out on a witch hunt, you buffoon."

Absol released a low whistle. "Jeez, it looks like someone is a little grumpy. What's up with you, Haxorus?"

Somewhat flustered, Haxorus glanced down at the ground, gently kicking a rock. Sighing, Skitty answered for her.

"Apparently, she can only go so long without a pair of roller-skates on her feet."

"Wait, so lack of roller-skates make you sick?" Krokorok asked, his eye twitching. "That is kind of weird."

Haxorus took her hand and slapped her face. "No, I'm not feeling ill because of that. I'm sick for other reasons."

"Which are…?" Absol prodded, exchanging a startled glance with Krokorok.

Her face flushing hot with embarrassment, Haxorus could only bore her eyes into the ground as her cheeks burned with colour. "I… erm…"

"Her monthly cycle has arrived," Skitty chirped pleasantly, her enthusiasm rather concerning. Seeing Absol and Krokorok begin to back away, she added, "Hey, don't look at us like that! We're females after all. It's not funny. Period. Hah, did you get my pun?"

By then, Absol and Krokorok had already scampered up to Golisopod, beginning to search more intensely than they had been before.

"Boys are crazy," Haxorus huffed, grinning knowingly at Skitty. "But we should probably catch up to them. It looks like Golisopod has found something."

Sure enough, Golisopod was scowling at a hole in the ground, yelling passionately.

"Hey! Runt of the litter!" The arthropod exclaimed. "We know you're down there. You're caught!" Upon receiving silence as an answer, Golisopod growled once again in a demented tone of voice. "I think Pyukumuku is in there. Looks like we're going to have to flush him out…"

"Uh… Doesn't this count anyways, since we saw him jump in the hole and pop up?" Krokorok asked, frowning as he watched Golisopod throw his arm into the hole uselessly.

Heaving his arm out of the hole, the arthropod glared in response. "Shut it, Krokorok. We just need to somehow tag him-"

Suddenly, a squeaky sound was heard from the loudspeaker before Solgaleo's orotund voice was heard. "FOR CLARIFICATION, OUR PLAYERS MUST BE VISIBLE WHEN YOU DECLARE THEM FOUND! NO TAGGING IS NECESSARY!"

Triumphantly, Krokorok grinned at Golisopod. "Told you so."

"Shut it."

0000

"I'm pissed, okay?" Golisopod confessed, flailing his arms. "After Dragonite left, I feel like I'm useless. I need to talk to this stupid Magikarp, but I just can't find the time and I got roasted by a Shroomish a few days ago and all these challenges are stupid and I feel pathetic!"

0000

"Was that really necessary, Pumpkaboo?" Banette asked exasperatedly, though she had to restrain herself from a chuckle. "Now Ribombee is unconscious."

"It's not my fault!" Pumpkaboo protested, her jaw dropping with bewilderment. "He was walking too close to me while I was eating chocolate, so I thought he might try taking some away from me-"

"And so you punched him?"

Pumpkaboo shrugged. "Well, yeah."

Meanwhile, Mimikyu stood a distance away, insistently poking Ribombee with a stick. "He's been knocked out for at least an hour now, I think," she said timidly, keeping a cautious eye on Jigglypuff. "But he's started to move a bit, so I think he might be waking up."

As if on cue, Ribombee jerked up suddenly, his eyes blinking as he snapped himself from his gaze.

"Um… What happened?"

Jigglypuff giggled. "Well, you got knocked out by a weak punch from Pumpkaboo."

Propping himself on his elbows, Ribombee shook his head furiously. "What?! No way. I did not. That's embarrassing."

"I heard you snoring."

"You've got to be kidding me," Ribombee sighed, glancing tentatively towards Pumpkaboo before flopping back onto the ground. After a moment, he shook his head and blushed, fidgeting with his fingers as he asked, "I didn't really snore, did I?"

Jigglypuff snorted. "Like an Ursaring." Holding her hand out affectionately, she heaved Ribombee up, both of them smiling fondly as the warmth spread up their arms from the contact.

"Guys!" Banette called out suddenly, beckoning them towards her. "Pumpkaboo and I see one of the contestants from the other island!"

"Which one is it?" Pumpkaboo asked, peering through the bushes. "Is it that blasted Dhelmise? That scoundrel ought to get himself to a nunnery!"

"Worse," Mimikyu remarked softly. "It's t-the Shiinotic!"

Waving away Mimikyu's concern, Jigglypuff grinned. "That's fine! I'm sure Shiinotic is lovely. We only need to get to know him. We can't judge the book by its cover."

"Yes, but-"

Jigglypuff ignored the small Pokémon, her expression set with determination as she peeked into the shrubs. To her delight, she saw Shiinotic cheerily running around in a circle, his arms wallowing beside him in the breeze and his mouth sealed shut.

With Ribombee trailing behind her, Jigglypuff stepped out of the bushes, their faces dappled with kindness. Banette, Mimikyu and Pumpkaboo, on the other hand, waited in the bushes, shaking their heads in dismay.

"Uh...hi, Shiinotic," Ribombee began tentatively, his eyes constantly darting back to glance at Jigglypuff. "We found you?"

Jigglypuff grinned optimistically. "Yeah. Now you just need to hide one more time, and then we find you and bam! We can adopt you!"

"Are you sure that we even w-want to a-adopt him?" Mimikyu asked, her voice a trembling squeak muffled by the bushes. "He's kinda creepy…"

"Don't say that," Jigglypuff scoffed. "Everyone deserves a chance! He is perfect the way he is. What do you think, Ribombee?"

Ribombee didn't respond, his eyes transfixed towards Shiinotic, who stopped running completely, a wide smile plastered on his face as he stared at the five of them.

"Eek!" Mimikyu squealed, before leaping out of the bushes and darting away. Banette and Pumpkaboo exchanged startled looks before chasing after the small ghost-type, leaving Jigglypuff and Ribombee stranded with the Shiinotic.

"Um… Shiinotic?" Jigglypuff prodded gently. "You can hide again, now."

Children's laughter began to echo around the area again as he took a step forward and his mushroom began to glow. "Only new life can defeat death," he whispered eerily before all three of them were teleported away, leaving a scorching circle in the aftermath.

0000

Pumpkaboo sat in the treehouse, her eyes bulging from their sockets in shock.

"What. The. Fuck."

0000

The three fairy-types appeared in an environment that was pink and light green in coloration, the air around it smelled of mint and manure, two scents that you would never think you'd experience simultaneously. Unusually large ribbons of dark purple and blood red were strewn around the environment, as well as skulls, viscera, and strangely...flowers. The sky was dark, the main light coming from an eery, green sphere embedded in the ground. The three of them were floating in space, each now in their shiny forms, with Shiinotic staring at the couple with his same expression.

"Where are we?" Ribombee gasped, gazing around him in a bewildered trance.

"You are in my realm," Shiinotic said in a slow, eerie fashion as he floated close to them. "I constructed this from my own brain power and imagination. Don't you love it?"

"It's beautiful!" Jigglypuff exclaimed, her eyes dancing as they greedily absorbed her surroundings. "Look at all the flowers!"

"Those are new," he said tentatively. "It seems that you two have brought flowers into my realm of happiness."

Ribombee felt his eye twitch. "Erm… that's lovely, but Shaymin already has lots of flowers in her garden, anyways. So, yeah, if you could take us back, that'd be great-"

"Come on, Ribombee!" Jigglypuff protested. "It can be our first ever date! It's not like we're losing the challenge; we've technically just found Shiinotic in two different hiding spots."

"You should know that things that are brought into my realm are destroyed," Shiinotic said with no emotion in his voice. All of the flowers in the vicinity immediately burst into flames, leaving the ashes to float about.

"That's better," he said with a creepy giggle once every flower was burned. "Now, follow me! We're gonna go on an adventure! Yahhhhhhh," he said as he started floating away.

"Jigglypuff!" Ribombee growled as she dragged him after Shiinotic. "We should probably stop this. Now."

Even Jigglypuff seemed somewhat startled by the harsh bark in which Ribombee had spoken. Ribombee, seeing the hurt on Jigglypuff's face, began to bite his lip.

"Sorry," he stated, glancing at the ground. "Erm… Let's just follow him."

The two proceeded to float after the deranged mushroom, hoping that he'd either lead them somewhere interesting or send them back to reality.

0000

"So, I guess that was my first date with Ribombee," Jigglypuff chirped excitedly. "And Shiinotic was the host. How exciting!"

0000

"Hide and seek," Salazzle huffed, squinting her nose in frustration. "How creative, Shaymin."

The Noctowl shrugged. "At least it has nothing to do with, you know, being swallowed by Victreebel."

"I'm sincerely beginning to wonder whether any of Shaymin's antics are legal," Vespiquen pointed out, biting her lip. "The cast from the other island seemed somewhat appalled by our conditions."

"Pfft, like their conditions could be any better," Incineroar scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Debatable," the Salazzle remarked, as she padded past the tractor. "Though, I suppose we can ask one of them; especially since I have a feeling that there is one nearby."

"You're damn right," A voice called out. Suddenly, a Hakamo-o leapt off the roof of the tractor, folding her arms as she added, "Congrats, you found me."

"Uh, technically, you had revealed yourself to us," Vespiquen remarked.

"Technicalities…" Hakamo-o replied, waving away the statement. "Okay, now I'm gonna hide behind the house, okay? Then you're gonna find me twice, and I'll be on your team."

Salazzle snorted. "You make it sound like we want you to be on our team."

Hakamo-o rose a brow at her comment. "Oh, you're willing to risk having a dumbass in Tsareena, a creeper in Shiinotic, or an annoying jackass in Dhelmise, rather than myself? I mean, if that's what you want, I can just-"

"No, thanks," Vespiquen hastily responded, cutting Hakamo-o off. "We'll take you."

Salazzle rolled her eyes. "Just go hide behind that house already."

Hakamo-o gave her a distrusting look, but decided to go through with her offer, going behind the mansion.

After a few seconds, Incineroar went behind the mansion and picked her up, throwing her over his left shoulder, much to her chagrin.

"Was this really necessary?" Hakamo-o questioned as she was brought back to the front of the building.

"Trust me," Noctowl assured her kindly. "Once you get to know Shaymin, you'll learn that nothing she make us do is necessary. You just kind of roll with it."

"And what happens if you don't?" Hakamo-o asked curiously as Incineroar put her down.

As if on cue, four of them shuddered, causing Hakamo-o to raise a brow.

"Victreebel happens," Vespiquen answered.

Hakamo-o gave them all looks she heard them mention being swallowed by one, but the fear didn't make sense to her. "A Victreebel. Really?"

"You haven't met her. She's just… Putrid and repugnant!" Salazzle commented.

"So, you're telling me that two fire-types, a flying-type, and a bug-type, are afraid of a grass and poison-type?" Hakamo-o prodded. "Really?"

"When it comes to Victreebel, types don't matter," Vespiquen pointed out, folding her arms. "Once you're in her mouth, there's nothing you can do."

"She'll make a man very happy one day in that case," Hakamo-o replied, waving the comment away. "So am I supposed to help you all find others now? Did Shaymin tell you anything she didn't tell us?"

Noctowl glanced down towards her talons. "Well, she did tell us that we're supposed to be on our best behaviour if we want to continue doing more collaborations with other hosts - namely Victini - but apart from that, we're just as lost as you are."

"Let's just head back to the cafeteria," Incineroar suggested, jerking a thumb to indicate the direction.

The six of them decided to go on and head back, not knowing what else they could possibly do.

---

"I honestly hate this," Garchomp growled, shaking her head as she stalked behind Meowstic, Pancham and Zoroark. "And Shaymin is wearing a lovely shade of ultra-bitch today, isn't she?"

Meowstic turned around to shoot her a hesitant stare. "You're remarkably judgemental."

"What's the point of having a brain if I don't use it for making judgement?" Garchomp quipped in response, causing Pancham to whirl around.

"But," the small panda began, waving his hands around frantically. "What's the point of having a heart if you don't use it to spare others from the harsh judgements of your mind?"

"Guys," Zoroark interrupted quickly, holding her arms out defensively. "Stop arguing. We need to find one of the members from the other island- hey!" Abruptly, the dark-type pointed over to a nearby cavern, where the female Lycanroc was standing, her hands propped on her hips.

The Lycanroc huffed before smiling. "Took you long enough."

"Apologies," Zoroark responded, rolling her eyes teasingly. "We thought you would have had more patience."

"Almost forty minutes in a cave when another group of you passed by and only one of them looked in and didn't even find me," Lycanroc retorted. "I think that's enough patience."

"Was it Musharna?" Meowstic asked, sighing. "I bet it was Musharna."

"It was Musharna."

Meowstic, Garchomp, Pancham and Zoroark all exchanged knowing smiles, before Meowstic shrugged his shoulders. "Looks like you better try hiding again," he pointed out. "Then we can see how patient you really are."

"Oh, goody, maybe it'll take an hour of boredom this time," Lycanroc commented, folding her arms. "Look, I'm not about to waste more of my time, and this is coming from a girl who loves playing games."

"Well,"Garchomp began, clicking her tongue. "How about we all save ourselves some time and effort? You tell us where you're going to hide, and we'll find you. That way, you won't have to wait for too long, and we won't have to waste our time trying to find another one of you."

Lycanroc nodded. "Sounds good to me. I'm going to go behind this tree," she stated, edging towards the nearest tree.

"But…" Pancham began to protest. "There is no integrity-"

Meowstic clamped a hand over the small panda's mouth. "Hush now, Pancham. Now, where in the world could Lycanroc be? You don't suppose she is behind that suspicious looking tree, do you?"

Rolling her eyes, Zoroark cut the faux-game short, reaching out until she felt "Lycanroc's" matted fur along her paws. "Found you," she muttered, yanking the fur back, only to reveal it as moss, not Lycanroc at all.

"Wait, where the hell did she go!?" Garchomp exclaimed, bewildered. "We literally just saw her go behind that tree!"

"Perhaps you all should use your eyes and look upwards," Meowstic remarked, pointing to a high branch, where the Wolf Pokémon was sitting with a smile.

Pancham gaped in awe when Meowstic removed his paw from his mouth. "How'd you get up there so fast?!"

"Like I said, I like to play games," Lycanroc commented as she leapt from the branch she was on, landing onto her feet. "Looks like I'm on your team now."

Garchomp sighed, before releasing a long, slow drawl.

"Oh, joy."

---

"Do you think that males have their periods?" Skitty asked randomly, glancing curiously at Golisopod. "Because, based on hormones and mood-swings, I'm pretty sure that some guys-"

"Some guys what?" Golisopod disrupted, tossing a glare towards the cat.

Ignoring the gritty tone in which Golisopod was speaking, Skitty shrugged. "Well, some guys honestly act like they're bleeding from inappropriate places-"

"Hey!" Absol quickly exclaimed, seeing the fury begin to swell on Golisopod's face. His eyes darting back and forth, he hastily attempted to find something to distract the group. To his avail, he heard a small flicker of sound echo from a small patch of kelp. Padding over to the patch, he called out to his group, "I heard something over here!"

"Wow," Golisopod snickered, his voice cold with sarcasm. "Remarkable. You found kelp." Before Absol could protest, the arthropod once added, "Maybe put that miniscule brain of yours to good use and actually help us find these fucks."

"Geez, someone is on his blue period," Absol retorted, shuffling his way back to the others, obliviously ignoring Golisopod's glare.

Suddenly, the patch of kelp released a scratchy sound as the leaves to the side dispersed slightly. Rushing over the the kelp, Golisopod heaved off the kelp, revealing a Pyukumuku.

"Gotcha, runt!" Golisopod sneered as the Pyukumuku released a small, euphemised curse. "And we saw your ass pop out of that hole near that hole, too, so you belong to us now."

The Pyukumuku blinked. "Kay," he replied.

"Well, this was easy," Haxorus noted, watching with amusement as Golisopod's eye twitched.

"Oh, be quiet," the arthropod snapped. "You, the croc, and the pussycat did nothing to help but stand around." With a jerk, he tossed Pyukumuku to Haxorus. "Just tote this loser so we won't have to wait for him to catch up."

Before Haxorus could protest, Golisopod started storming away. Sighing in retreat, the dragon-type stared down at the adorable face of Pyukumuku.

"Hello," Pyukumuku greeted with a chirp.

Unable to restrain a giggle, Haxorus grinned. "Hi." Seeing the faint blush appear on her face, Skitty, Absol and Krokorok peered over at the small Pokémon, crooning at his cuteness.

"Aww, he's adorable!" Skitty exclaimed. "Do you think-"

"PICK UP THE PACE!" Golisopod shouted, causing the others to dash after him.

0000

"Dragonite needs to come back and give Golisopod some love," Skitty remarked, her eyes wide. "I think something is bugging him about Dragonite's elimination or something. Poor guy."

0000

Golisopod folded his arms, glaring at the camera. "I will work out what that Magikarp is up to, or at least get him out of this competition as soon as I can. And the only way I can do that is to get those slack asses on my team to pick up the bloody pace."

0000

Many of the players from both shows had returned to the cafeteria, with Shaymin's cast segregating to one side whilst the foreign contestants moved to the other corner. Neither cast was conversing with one another, as per the request of the hosts. Apparently, it had been to 'save time and stay organised'.

Golisopod and his group returned with Pyukumuku, and, examining the segregation of the cast, Haxorus hastily placed Pyukumuku on the table designated to the cast of Solgaleo and Lunala before moving towards Shaymin's cast.

"Alright, that's four," Lunala said, counting over the cast. "I think that's enough."

"Wait!" Skitty interrupted, frowning. "Not all of our players are back yet! And what about Dhelmise and Shiinotic?"

Solgaleo twitched. "You seriously want to work with them?"

Shaymin's cast watched with curious fascination as Solgaleo and Lunala began to bicker amongst each other regarding their cast. After a moment of hearing the hosts criticise their own contestants, Zoroark finally piped up.

"How many players did you guys even have?" she asked.

"We only chose fourteen," Lunala replied.

"HEY!" Shaymin cried out. "You're not supposed to be asking questions to them until we get to the presentation!"

"Wait, what presentation?" Shroomish asked tentatively.

"You'll see whenever the rest of you find the creep and jackass," Shaymin replied childishly.

Just as the words escaped her mouth, the door to the cafeteria slammed open, and Banette, Pumpkaboo and Mimikyu all rushed into the room before ducking beneath the nearest table. After hearing them whimper for a moment, Shaymin arched her brow at them.

"Um, guys? Did you bring Shiinotic with you?"

"Shiinotic is not coming!" Mimikyu squeaked, peeping from beneath the table. "Not a chance."

Banette nodded her head in agreement. "And neither are Jigglypuff and Ribombee."

Completely bewildered, Shaymin twitched her eye. "But-"

"Please," Pumpkaboo desperately pleaded, glaring daggers at the host. After a moment, Shaymin shrugged her shoulders.

"Alright, fine. But we're still waiting on several of the Kyogres and Dhelmise. They should be able to find him-" Before she could even complete her sentence, the door was shoved open once again, and in came the remaining Kyogres.

"We can't find anyone anywhere!" Tor scowled, storming into the room and slamming himself down onto a bench.

"That's because you were being too stubborn to listen to everyone else."

"Shut up, Ex!"

"G-guys…? Everyone is staring a-at us," Egg stated, flustered by the attention. Everyone glared at the three heads of the Exeggutor, before turning their attention to Lucario, who was floundering for words.

"It's true," Lucario sighed. "We can't find anyone, and we've checked everywhere."

Primarina offered a hesitant smile. "Though, with sleepy Musharna checking most of the places, I'm not exactly sure how thorough our checks here." She gently poked the psychic-type, who, in response, muttered something unintelligible.

"Musharna? Did you say something?" Lucario asked. "Or were you sleep talking?"

"Huh…?" The half-asleep Pokemon murmured. "I'm not a fan…"

Mystified, Primarina poked Musharna once again. "Fan of who?"

"Stephen Hawking."

Magikarp groaned in response, before turning his head to Shaymin. "We give up. What now?"

"Figures that Dhelmise would be the one causing issues," Solgaleo commented as he headed out of the cafeteria to check the cameras, with Shaymin and Lunala in tow.

Shaymin started clicking through the numerous cameras before eventually stopping. Fire burned in her eyes upon finding out where the Sea Creeper was.

"DHELMISE!" she roared in complete and utter anger as she flew to her lodge. Solgaleo and Lunala exchanged looks before shrugging and going back into the cafeteria, where they were met with the perplexed and rather fearful faces from Shaymin's cast.

"Shaymin will be back shortly," Lunala commented as the Gratitude Pokemon's cast started exchanging glances and murmuring amongst themselves.

After a few moments, Dhelmise appeared, relatively unscathed. "I can tell that you all gave up on finding me. Goes to show how crappy you all are at this game."

"Dhelmise, where the hell did you hide?" asked Lycanroc. "You got Shaymin pissed off."

"Eh, I hid in her lodge," Dhelmise responded nonchalantly. "No biggie."

Shaymin burst through the cafeteria doors with a look of bloody murder in her eyes as she glared at the Sea Creeper. Her cast hadn't seen this side of her before, which instilled even more fear in them.

"No one… goes into… my room… EXCEPT FOR ME!" Shaymin roared.

"It's on an island with others so, technically, anyone can go into that boring cabin," Dhelmise replied. "You have normal bamboo floors and a spa at the foot of your bed. There's literally nothing of interest in there."

"Still! You went into my cabin! When you're just a fucking guest on my island!"

"Should've been the other way around. It would've been better if you were on our island. These poor bastards would know what a decent island looks like."

Shaymin growled and Solgaleo stepped in front of her, only for her to glare daggers at him. "Take this from experience. He is not worth it."

Hearing the sternness in his voice and his serious glare, Shaymin grumbled to herself. She took a breath as he moved away from her.

"Okay," she said through grit teeth. "My apologies. Didn't want you all to see that side of me unless you deserved it. Now that all of our intru- I mean guests are here, let's move on to the presentation of what these guys have gone through on their island, who they eliminated, and some of the best moments that I picked out."

"And, why do we care about any of that?" Stunfisk asked bluntly. "These peasants are no better than us. Objectively, WE are the superior ones, most specifically me."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that, honey," Dhelmise responded. "Also, why didn't you two tell us that we were gonna be shown like this?"

"We didn't know. Shaymin told us that she made it up in preparation," Solgaleo said. "It's to formally introduce you all and uh…"

"To show my cast what they could of have had and rub it in their faces," Shaymin chirped. "Plus, I heard that you all watched my show, so...why not show my cast a bit of yours?"

"I have no idea whether to be scared or flattered…" Hakamo-o commented.

"Well, Bellossom edited most of it, so maybe flattered," Shaymin said, shrugging her shoulders.

A blank, white board was wheeled into the room by Bellossom, who went back out minutes later to retrieve a projector and laptop. She set the laptop on the table, connected the wires to it, and a few seconds later, the video began to play.

As the video presented the cast of Solgaleo and Lunala's cast, Shaymin watched in glee as the members of her cast's jaws dropped in horror.

"Why do they have nice islands?!"

"Why do they have a normal Lycanroc?"

"What the fuck, Shiinotic?"

The harsh remarks, fired predominantly towards Shaymin was interrupted by a shrill squeal from Gastly.

"Look! Two of their cast members - Bewear and Mudsdale - are they about to do the- the thing?!" he exclaimed in horror, before darting around in circles. "Bleach my brain! Quick! Quick!"

Shaymin huffed. "I would, if you had a brain. Now, keep watching. Wear the condom your mother gave you on your eyes or something."

The ghost only screeched with terror in response.

"Forget that," Buneary sighed, pulling the ghost-type beside her. "Can we please focus on the fact that they had a sort of pedophile on their show? How is any of this even legal?"

"It's n-not!"

The bunny rolled her eyes, patting the bench beside her. "Just sit your ass down, Gastly."

"I HAVE NO VISIBLE ASS!" Gastly called out.

---

"Wait, so why wouldn't you just let Pancham look after you?" Espeon asked, lazily propping herself onto the nearest bed as she watched Lurantis lounge on his own bed.

The mantis merely shrugged. "It's not of any concern."

"Yes it is," Espeon snickered carelessly. "If you hadn't kicked him out, then I wouldn't have to be babysitting you like some nanny."

"Fine," Lurantis sighed, his tone mildly pleasant despite the twitch in his eyes. "He was going on and on about that integrity bullshit, and I got fed up. That's all."

A sly smirk began to tweak at the corner of Espeon's lips. "That's interesting; especially considering that Pokémon who have a low tolerance for integrity bullshit usually have no integrity themselves."

"And how would you know that?" Lurantis asked, tilting his head to the side.

"Experience."

Without another word, Espeon leapt off the bed, sauntering around the room inquisitively. "I don't suppose you have a chessboard in here, do you? I would like to play some chess."

Lurantis furrowed his brows with bemusement. "I didn't know that you liked chess."

"And I didn't know you were a psychopath. So, let's just play chess."

Lurantis grinned. "I wouldn't call myself a psychopath."

"No?"

"I just have my own way I'm doing things," Lurantis replied before his face twisted into a sneer.

Espeon shrugged, before pulling open a drawer to reveal a chessboard. "I suppose I'll be seeing that for myself," she noted, yanking out the board. "Do you want the black pieces, or the white ones?"

"Black."

"Like your soul?"

Lurantis snickered. "Black like my coffee."

---

Jigglypuff and Ribombee were sitting at a picnic table with a black and white checkered picnic blanket over it, Jigglypuff twiddling a flower in her non-existent fingers. Ribombee was glancing around nervously, not liking the environment or situation Jigglypuff got them into.

"Jiggly?" the Bee Fly Pokemon queried nervously. "I think we need to go. Now."

"Are you kidding me, Ribombee?" Jigglypuff replied, surprised by his insistence. "This is a beautiful place! And Shiinotic is our waiter! Here he comes now!"

Ribombee paled. "He's waiting us?"

"This is my world and you're both living in it~," Shiinotic sang as he approached the couple with a black container.

The odour from the container was putrid, but Jigglypuff didn't seem to notice at all. Ribombee on the other hand, felt like he was about to throw up his breakfast.

"What's on the menu for today, Shiinotic?" Jigglypuff asked cheerily.

Shiinotic chuckled as he proceeded to open the container. As soon as he removed the lid, the repugnant smell began to waft from the container.

"For you, Ms. Pinky, we have a deep fried Wigglytuff heart, complete with clotting blood and acid to taste, along with a side of Bouffalant testes."

The container opened to reveal a bloody heart, split open like a festering wound, black blood oozing from the gaping hole, sloshing onto the table. The stench of curdled milk and vinegar itched at their noses. Jigglypuff poked her meal, shuddering as a length of intestine slithered around the plate, as if it were alive.

"Well…" Jigglypuff managed to say. "This is quite the exotic meal. Isn't it Ribombee?"

"..."

"Ribombee?"

Jigglypuff turned to face her date, and to her dismay, the bee had fallen unconscious on the mat. After a sigh, she forced a smile onto her face.

"I guess he wasn't hungry."

0000

Jigglypuff licked her lips. "That had to be the most unique first date in my life! Ribombee is so sweet. I've decided that if I win this show, I'm going to use the money to prepare for our wedding! Shiinotic will be our priest who helps us make our vows, of course."

0000

Shaymin's cast had been shouting in protest as the video continued and eventually died. Once it had ended, they slowly turned to the five foreign contestants that were visiting their island, several of them glaring, shuddering or simply arching their brows.

"You guys seriously let a pedophile on your show?!" Shroomish blustered in complete shock. "What kind of hosts are you?"

"Saner than the majority of the other ones you haven't met," Lunala replied tonelessly, leaving Shaymin's cast to exchange horrified glances.

"Alright!" Shaymin chirped enthusiastically. "Now that you've gotten to view a bit of their own personal and competitive lives on their show, how about a meet and greet? That way, you get to know who you're bringing on your team."

"Uh… Why would we do that?" Zoroark queried, raising a brow. "Dhelmise pretty much gave an accurate description of how each of them act. We've seen it first hand when we had to find them."

Most of Shaymin's competitors started agreeing with her, leaving the Alolan contestants undeterred.

"Fine by us," Dhelmise responded with a shrug. "I'd rather be back at our hotel with air-conditioning, catered food, a large beach, televisions and exercise equipment than talk with a bunch of boring losers on a tacky island."

"Bitch, my island is not tacky!" Shaymin snapped. "Watch yourself!"

"I will tell them about your box under your bed," Dhelmise threatened, causing a rising sensation of interest to spark within everyone. "So don't even try me."

Shaymin twitched.

"What box are you speaking of?" Primarina inquired innocently.

"None of your business!" Shaymin fired back hastily. After a hesitant pause, she took a breath and turned to Dhelmise. "Okay, fine. I'll leave you be."

"Good reindeer," Dhelmise commented, causing Shaymin's ears and eyes to twitch.

"Let's just move onto the next challenge. Forget the meet and greet," Solgaleo said, stepping in front of Shaymin, who looked as if she were ready to explode.

"Good. The fact that you sinful intruders have trespassed on the island of Lord Magikarp without permission already proves your unholiness," Magikarp snarled. "It would likely rub off onto us."

"Idiot, there is no Lord Magikarp," Dhelmise retorted, causing many of the contestants of Shaymin's cast to widen their eyes.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Pumpkaboo exclaimed passionately. "Lord Magikarp is a God! You have no-"

Before she had a chance to mutter profanities, Shaymin interrupted her. "Okay!" she exclaimed. "Let's not get into the idiocy that plagues my cast. Let's get to the next challenge."

---

All of the contestants were in a gym area. There was a court area in the middle, with red rubber balls lining the center. With this information, one could already infer what their challenge was going to be.

"DODGEBALL!" Lycanroc cheered, rubbing her hands together enthusiastically. "Oh-ho, this is going to be fun."

"Oh yes, handling medium-sized balls, any normal girl's fantasy," Dhelmise commented, causing some of the females from both sides blush and pass him a threatening look.

"Hey, he's not wrong," Haxorus said with a shrug, a blush still on her face.

"Ugh, I'd never do such a disgusting act on a pig," Stunfisk commented.

"No man would want you do that anyway," Golisopod assured, causing Stunfisk to scoff and glare at him.

"Deplorable shrimp," she muttered to herself.

"As you can clearly see, this challenge is going to be dodgeball!" Solgaleo exclaimed exuberantly. "You all should know how the game works, so we're not gonna explain the basics."

"Each team will send six players on the court at a time and you all will well, play dodgeball!" Lunala explained needlessly. "If you get all of the players on the other side out, you get a point for every team mate that is still standing. So say, if the Kyogres were all out, and there are two players left on the Groudons, the Groudons get two points."

"And every round, a special ball will be put on the court. The ball will come with numerous effects," Shaymin explained with a sinister smile. "You may be able to knock all of the contestants on the opposite side out at once. You may be able to temporarily stun whoever you hit. You can cover them in itching powder-"

"Wait," Hakamo-o interrupted. "Isn't that useless if getting hit with the ball gets you out anyway?"

"The special ball is not a ball that can get you out of the game unless it is programmed to," Shaymin explained. "And DON'T interrupt me. Guest."

Hakamo-o rolled her eyes as she folded her arms.

"Now, those are the rules," Shaymin finished. "Don't ask me to repeat because I'm not going to. You should have been listening."

"We'll be going to thirteen points," Solgaleo spoke boldly. "The team that garners that amount first will win the challenge and the losing team will be sending someone home."

"I think that was already insinuated," Salazzle noted.

Shaymin grinned cheerily towards her cast. "Also, all contestants - excluding Lycanroc, Lurantis, and Espeon - must take part in this challenge. Otherwise, the team is automatically disqualified."

"Wait," Hakamo-o started. "THAT'S AN-"

Shaymin cut her off. "Now, without any further ado, let the games begin!"

0000

Stunfisk scowled. "So much for trying to keep my beautiful self clean."

0000

The contestants dispersed onto the court, with the Kyogres, accompanied by Lycanroc and Dhelmise, moving towards the left side whilst the Groudons took up the other end of the court with Tsareena, Pyukumuku and Hakamo-o in tow.

Once they were comfortably scattered into positions, a shrill whistle blew, and the daring Pokémon darted forwards to scavenge for a ball.

Instantly, Golisopod lunged forwards with a mighty roar as he tossed one of the balls forwards. The ball hit its mark, the narrow, bright scales of Magikarp's head.

Growling, Magikarp was teleported out of the arena. Before Golisopod could celebrate, a ball was plunged straight towards his stomach, forcing him to stagger back.

"Who the fuck was that?" Golisopod scowled, clutching at his stomach, his eyes roaming the arena.

Pumpkaboo, a smirk on her face, winked. "No one messes with my Lord!"

Dhelmise groaned. "DON'T START THAT BULLCRAP!"

Meanwhile, Banette was carefully aiming a ball at Tsareena, who was standing idly in the centre of the court, blinking curiously at the Pokémon around her.

Krokorok, standing towards the side of the court, watched in dumbfounded horror as Banette readied herself to throw the ball towards the grass-type.

"Well," he muttered to himself. "I should save her. Tsareena is sort of on my team, after all." After a long sigh, he waved his arms in the air, calling out wildly, "Banette! Look over here!"

Banette's head jerked backwards as she looked up with startled confusion, dropping the ball with surprise. Seeing her vulnerability, Salazzle seized the opportunity, snatching a ball from the ground and throwing it towards Banette, instantly eliminating the ghost-type.

"Nice shot for a bitch who's aching for Hard Scaled Service," Dhelmise teased at Salazzle, earning himself a ball heading his way. However, he swiftly dodged it, causing it to hit Musharna, who was still snoozing away. "Thanks for confirming it!"

Lycanroc groaned. "Dhelmise, could you not antagonize these guys further?"

"Oh come on, it's funny and you know it!" the Sea Creeper replied as he floated a ball in front of himself, deflecting it back toward Haxorus, the original thrower.

Lycanroc sighed before she jumped over a ball heading in her direction.

Towards the edge of the arena, Shroomish was backing away with fear as Exeggutor moved forwards menacingly, kicking three balls in their feet.

"I'm gonna knock that face off of your puny… uh, face!" Tor roared with a sneer.

"That makes no sense, Tor-" Egg started, only to be silenced by Tor's glare.

Before a ball could be kicked towards the fearful mushroom, a ball struck Exeggutor's side, eliminating him from the game.

Looking to the side, Shroomish saw Pyukumuku waving at him cheerily, causing him to sigh in relief. However, that relief was short lived, as he was struck in the face by a ball thrown by Lucario moments later.

"Well done, Lucario," Primarina complimented. "That was a very agile throw."

"Thank-" Lucario abruptly ended his response as he saw Buneary throw a ball straight towards her. "Primarina, look out!"

Primarina glanced around her and saw the danger. Jerking upright, she twisted and attempted to jump away; the ball hurtled, spinning, towards the water-type, until it caught her on the shoulder. With a cry, Primarina fell to her knees, toppling onto the ground before she was teleported out of the arena.

To the side, Incineroar was savagely tossing balls at every contestant he could. A ball clenched tightly in his hand, he approached Mimikyu, who shrunk back with fear.

"Come on, Mimikyu…" she murmured to herself. "No need to be scared…"

Like a snake, the ball in Incineroar's hand lashed out, catching Mimikyu on the point of her chin, knocking her flat on her back.

Not daring to waste a second, Incineroar darted towards another ball and kicked it towards the back of Lucario's knees, forcing him to stumble forwards and gasp in pain before being teleported out.

Just as he was about to attack Pumpkaboo with a ball, the small pumpkin widened her eyes, tears welling from their sockets. She made an effort to reach out and take a ball beside her, but instead ended up struggling feebly in the sand. After a moment, she looked up at Incineroar desperately.

"Please…" she muttered.

For one split second, Incineroar hesitated. The next moment, Pumpkaboo's limp and 'helpless' body was darting forward as she seized the ball and kicked it straight towards Incineroar.

"Fuck yeah!" she jeered, watching bemusedly as Incineroar got hit by the ball, causing him to stagger forward and crash onto the ground. "Acting skills, for the win!"

Salazzle, watching from the side, watched the pumpkin celebrate. With a twist and a mighty shove, she tossed the ball at Pumpkaboo, knocking the pumpkin off her balance and leaving her staggering before she was teleported away.

Before she could reach out and grab another ball, a ball crashed into her jaw, knocking her out of the game. The thrower, Pancham, yelped with joy. He threw another ball at Absol, but the dark-type had dodged just in time.

Suddenly, Noctowl plunged down to the ground and grabbed a ball. Just as her talons tightened around the rubber surface, the ball punctured, leaving Noctowl scowling.

"Screw it," she hissed, before hurtling the ball towards Pancham. The small panda, sapped from his strength and his reflexes dulled from exhaustion, was struck with the deflated ball.

Before the owl could celebrate, she was struck in the face with a ball tossed by Lycanroc, who giggled. Her reflexes and strength were still within her, as she showed no sign of exhaustion.

"Come on guys, you've gotta think off this as a fun game instead of just a challenge!" Lycanroc advised before doing a backflip and grabbing a ball tossed by Krokorok in mid-air.

The crocodile cursed to himself before being teleported off of the court.

"Wow, she is awesome," Absol cooed, eyeing Lycanroc with a dreamy expression.

"Hey! Lover boy! Now is not the time for-" Buneary didn't get to finish as she was immediately cut off by a ball hitting her in the stomach, courtesy of Dhelmise.

"BUNEARY!" Gastly shrieked. The ghost ended up distracting himself due to Buneary's elimination from the game, earning him a ball to the face from Garchomp.

"Way too easy," the land shark commented, folding her arms.

"Don't get too comfortable over there!" Hakamo-o called. "It's not over yet!"

As soon as the words left her mouth, however, a ball smacked her straight in the face, courtesy of Zoroark.

"Looks like it is," Zoroark commented, smiling apologetically as Hakamo-o was teleported out.

On the other side of the field, Absol was staring helplessly at Tsareena. "Come on, Tsareena," Absol prodded. "There is a ball right next to you. Just stand up, move, pick it up and help us out!"

Tsareena only blinked at him.

Sighing, Absol reached out to grab the ball. To his dismay, the moment his hand made contact with the ball, a wave of electricity shocked him, his fur dispersing at rigid angles. After the spark of electricity spread through his entire body, the dark-type found himself unable to move.

"Oh, shit," he muttered. "The ball paralysed me!"

Just as he said it, Skitty began to prance towards that same ball, jumping jauntily as she reached it. "I'm going to hit someone out!"

"No!" Absol cried out as she passed him. "Don't touch that ball! You'll get-"

To his despair, Skitty had already reached out and clawed it, sending the same wave of electricity coursing through her body.

"Paralysed," Absol finished with a sigh, watching the stunned Skitty through his peripheral vision.

Lycanroc, seeing this, couldn't help but to giggle. "Sorry cutie, looks like you three are going to be easy outs," she teased with a wink as she tossed three balls toward the other side, with all three hitting their marks.

"Well, this can only go so well," Dhelmise commented. "I suggest we proceed with caution now. These types of scenarios are cliche as all hell."

"What are you on about?!" Garchomp snapped. "There's three of them left, and five of us. Plus, they have Stunfisk; we have Lycanroc."

On cue, Lycanroc had hurtled two balls straight towards Froslass and Vespiquen, getting both of them out of the game. The Wolf Pokemon, panting, passed the Mach Pokemon a look of wariness. "No, Dhelmise is right. In these cases, there's usually a 90 to 100 percent chance that the final player on the opposing team will demolish us, no matter who they are."

"You guys honestly need to chill," Meowstic huffed, reaching down to pick the ball beside him. "This is Stunfisk we're talking about-" As his paws made contact with the ball in front of him, a blue light began to protrude from the ball, blinding him momentarily as the piercing light shot beams all over the court.

"Shit," Zoroark cursed as a beam struck her feet, effectively rendering her unable to down at her feet, she noticed that ice had begun to develop, numbing her limbs. "I'm frozen!"

Dhelmise groaned in annoyance. "Now what the hell did I say?! Now we're stuck."

"Look at that, guys!" Absol called out from the spectator stands, where all the eliminated contestants had been teleported. "We have a chance!"

"A slim one," Froslass countered. "Do you really think that Stunfisk will get her shit together and start-"

"Eeeeek!"

Everyone abruptly snapped their heads to face Stunfisk, who was squealing as she darted around the court. "Get these filthy balls away from me!" she hissed, smacking the balls forwards as she dashed around the room hysterically.

Every ball she had run into was sent firing into the Kyogres side of the court, rolling sleekly on the wooden floor until it hit Zoroark, Garchomp, Meowstic, Lycanroc and finally Dhelmise, who growled as the ball made contact with him.

"Called it," he snickered, glaring at the rest of the Kyogres.

Shaymin, howling with laughter, clutched her stomach as she boisterously giggled.

"Well," she finally said, wiping a tear from her eye. "In a surprising turn of events, Stunfisk has one a point for the Groudons! Let round two begin!"

0000

Lucario rubbed the back of his head thoughtfully. "I'm going to be completely honest; in that moment, Stunfisk was kinda hot."

0000

After the whistle pierced through the stadium, the contestants from either side were hurtling balls at each other at a rapid pace. With a roar of determination and a rush of his feet, Golisopod had already hit two Pokémon; one ball cannoning into Mimikyu and the other violently thrown ball slamming into Pumpkaboo.

Chiming a gentle melody, Vespiquen had tossed a ball towards Meowstic. The ball hit the feline with a thump, striking him just on the brow.

Suddenly, amongst the crashes and groans, a shrill, bloodcurdling yell echoed around the room.

"How dare you?!" Stunfisk shrieked, her body flattened completely as a ball rested atop her body. "Now I'm going to wake up with bruises all over my beautiful, perfectly tanned bo-" Before she could finish her sentence, she had already been teleported out of the arena.

Lucario, the thrower of the ball, smiled sympathetically before continuing to swing balls back and forth around the stadium, consequently hitting both Tsareena and Buneary.

He threw another ball at Salazzle, who thrusted herself backwards just in time to escape the ball. In response, she aimed a ball straight at him, the round leather material slicing through the air as it smacked into Lucario.

Haxorus scooped a ball from the ground, gawking at its weight. "Why is this so heavy?" she gasped to herself, before flinging it with all her might towards the other team.

The ball, in midair, suddenly exploded, revealing smaller balls flailing in the air, pelting the Kyogres. The smaller balls, like hail, crashed into Garchomp, Primarina and Musharna, sending them stumbling towards the ground before they were teleported out.

Clumsily, Gastly reached down to pick a ball, growling slightly as he realised that he could not pick up the ball.

"Aw, poor Gastly," Ex sympathised, frowning empathetically.

Tor snickered. "The loser can't do anything without that bunny, can he?"

Hearing this, Gastly's facial features began to brim with embarrassment. As Tor continued to jeer at him, his tentative eyes hardened, a sudden wave of wrath washing over him.

"G-guys?" Egg called out suddenly.

Tor hissed at his brother. "What?"

"Inco-o-oming!"

To their horror, Gastly had picked up a ball with his mouth, throwing with with blinding speed towards the brothers, his face glowing with triumph as the ball slammed into the faces of the Egg Brothers.

"Take that, motherfuckers!" Gastly shrieked.

Before he even registered his own burst of excitement, he heard a whoop from the stands on the side.

"Go, Gastly!" Buneary was cheering, waving a fist in the air. Grinning proudly, Gastly turned back to his opponents, reaching down to pluck another ball before firing it towards Banette.

0000

"I just swore for the first time on reality television," Gastly huffed, shaking his head in awe. "And it was fucking awesome!"

0000

Banette rubbed her arm, grimacing as she saw a bruise begin to form exactly where Gastly had hit her with the ball. "Man, Buneary is seriously rubbing off on him, isn't she?"

0000

Incineroar started towards Pancham, throwing his weight into the ball as he threw it. Ducking just in time, Pancham drove the ball in his hand forwards, slamming Incineroar directly in the stomach.

"This feels like revenge from the very first time that I met you," Pancham acknowledged, smiling mischievously as the fire-type was teleported away. Suddenly, Vespiquen was running forward with a ball in his hand, forcing Pancham to dart out of the way. The ball slipped passed him, bouncing onto Magikarp instead.

Meanwhile, Lycanroc had just caught a ball thrown by Froslass, instantly eliminating the ghost-type. Dashing around the room with incredible speed, she suddenly stopped as she realised that many of the Guzzling Groudons were watching her hungrily, at least six of them aiming a ball towards her.

"Sorry, love," Noctowl apologised with a meek smile. "We have to target the threats." Without hesitated, she threw a ball at Lycanroc, accompanied by Golisopod, Krokorok, Skitty, Shroomish and Haxorus.

With elegance, Lycanroc managed to weave past most of the balls, but the one Skitty had thrown struck home, the ball hitting her with a blow on the arm. Gritting her teeth and releasing a frustrated but amused groan, Lycanroc shook her head boisterously as she was teleported out.

Absol had thrown yet another ball, successfully grazing Zoroark's arm. Grinning goofily, Absol stumbled on a ball on the ground, tripping forward and landing on his jaw.

Seizing the opportunity, Pancham instantly reached out and grasped a ball, chucking it at Absol hastily. The ball sunk into Absol's fur, forcing the dark-type to fall hard on the ground before he had the chance to heave himself up.

Glancing around the court, Pancham cursed beneath his breath. On his team, only he and Dhelmise were left, whilst the Groudons still had about eleven of their members left.

His momentary distraction left him vulnerable, and before he knew it, Hakamo-o had flung a ball straight towards him, slamming him against the ribs.

"Looks like it is the eleven of us against Dhelmise," Krokorok noted, analytically surveying the room. "We better watch out; this guy always seems to mean trouble."

"Yeah," Noctowl agreed. "I bet that as soon as one of us picks up a ball, it'll explode and we'll all be automatically eliminated. We'll have to be careful-"

Her calm voice was interrupted by a shriek from the spectator stands.

"What are you doing, Gastly?!" Buneary was hissing, waving her arms in a frenzied heap. "Don't just stand there! Get that asshole out!"

After shooting an apologetic grin towards Noctowl, Gastly called out to Buneary, "But Buneary, we think there might be a trick! I might pick up a ball and it'll be some bad plot twist that gets me eliminated!"

"I don't care! Stop being cowardly and just do it!"

"Don't do it," Shroomish warned, but Gastly was too focused on impressing Buneary to pay any attention to the small mushroom. Though tentative, Gastly grabbed a ball with his mouth and hurled it towards Dhelmise.

Skitty covered her own eyes with her tail. "I can't look. Otherwise I'll go ballistic!" She moved her tail away from her eyes, watching the reaction of her team-mates "Get it? Ballistic? Because we're playing dodge-ball?"

Her joke was ignored; instead, everyone stared in trance as the ball landed on Dhelmise, hitting him square on the face. Everyone waited for some sort of explosion, or satirical message from Shaymin.

To their surprise, Dhelmise was instantly teleported out of the arena.

"Looks like the Groudons have won round two!" Shaymin exclaimed excitedly. "Since there were eleven Groudons left - Golisopod, Shroomish, Haxorus Salazzle, Krokorok, Vespiquen, Gastly, Noctowl, Skitty, Pyukumuku and Hakamo-o - they get eleven points! This means that they are on a total of twelve points!"

0000

Zoroark buried her face into her paws. "Our team is so screwed."

0000

"Okay team," Zoroark sighed, turning to face the contestants in the Kyogres. "We seriously need to up our game, otherwise the Groudons are going to win. Any ideas?"

"I have an idea-" Dhelmised chimed with sarcastic cheerfulness. "How about we-" Before he even had the chance to continue, Garchomp threw a hand over his mouth, keeping him from continuing.

Meowstic nodded in appreciation. "Thank you, Garchomp."

The dragon-type only grunted in response.

"The goal of this game is to receive thirteen points," Magikarp pointed out thoughtfully. "So, if we win the next round without any of us getting eliminated, we will automatically win the challenge, as there are fourteen of us on this team."

"But how can we ensure that none of us get hit?" Primarina asked, worriedly eyeing her team members.

Suddenly, a long, slow grin began to spread up Meowstic's mouth.

"Wait," Meowstic said abruptly, holding his hands out. "So, there were no rules about not being able to use moves or abilities, right?"

Pancham nodded. "Right."

"And Musharna and I are psychic-types, right?"

Pumpkaboo narrowed her eyes. "Where are you going with this?"

Shaking his head, Meowstic's grin broadened.

"I have a plan."

---

"So, have you received any fanmail yet?" Lurantis asked casually, skeptically eyeing the chessboard. He and Espeon, for about two hours, were still facing each other in their first ever chess game. Both of them had always managed to come up with a witty comeback to a checkmate, and both of them had spent at least five minutes thinking through their every move before actually executing it.

"No," Espeon replied with a shrug. "Not many people have, yet. Only you, Gastly and Jigglypuff, I think."

Lurantis arched his brow. "And Pancham."

"Nope," Espeon refuted. "Pancham hasn't received any fanmail; I would have remembered if he did."

"Why is that?"

Espeon snickered. "I've been looking through all the mail. Victreebel has given me special permission."

"Lucky you," Lurantis remarked with a drawl, dismissively waving his arm. "But I'm sure Pancham has received some mail. He said so himself. Someone from outside the show is sending him messages about me?"

"Or," Espeon began, licking her lips devilishly. "Pancham already knows things about you, but he is pretending that he has received letters from a fan so that he can scare you and make it look like he has integrity; he is covering up his nosiness."

The mantis immediately brushed away the idea. "No. The things Pancham found out - those were things that I had hidden very, very well."

"Are you sure about that?"

The way Espeon had phrased her question sent a small flush of panic through Lurantis. He began to wrack his brain for answers, stirring through his memories and replaying every moment of his conversation with Pancham.

"So… The only way I'm going to make you feel better is by making you a good person!"

"And why would I want to do that?"

"Because in the tribe, if there is one person who lacks integrity, the whole group falls apart! We must, as a group, unite to form the best ever team. So you need improve your conscience. Otherwise, you deserve to leave. I've watched every elimination till this date, and it's so heart-wrenching to see all these morally just Pokémon leave. It's just so awful to watch."

With a jolt, Lurantis sat up in his bed, his eyes wide.

Pancham had watched every elimination.

Cursing, Lurantis began to shake his head. He had been foolish! When he had been farewelling Ludicolo, he had removed his veil of charismatic pretence slip from his demeanour, showing his true intentions. Little had he known that Pancham would be sneakily spying from the bushes, watching him with those inquisitive and beady eyes.

Espeon was watching the realisation dawn on Lurantis' face with amusement, before reaching over and tapping her piece - the queen- forward. With a snark, she grinned at the mantis, gesturing down at the chessboard where his king was directly aligned with her queen, vulnerable and exposed.

"Checkmate."

0000

"I should have known it was Pancham sending those notes," Lurantis growled. "So, he has a fighting spirit? I'm so glad. To tell the truth, I've been getting quite bored."

The mantis grinned sadistically.

"Bring it on, Pancham. I'm waiting for you."

0000

"Let round three begin!"

The Kyogres and Groudons stood their ground, segregated by the fine line between their courts. As soon as the whistle blew, the Groudons rushed forwards to retrieve the balls, whilst the Kyogres held their ground.

"That's weird," Froslass commented, examining her opponents. Not a single one of them had moved, yet there seemed to be a unanimous treaty between the members as they remained still. "What are they doing?"

"They've probably given up," Golisopod suggested with a smirk. "Let's just make this quick."

"Kay!" Pyukumuku chirped excitedly.

One by one, the Groudons began pelting the Kyogres with balls, throwing them with as much energy and conviction as they could muster. As soon as the balls began to enter the Kyogres side of the court, however, the balls were suddenly halted in midair, floating about the air.

"What the fuck?" Salazzle spluttered, watching as the ball she had thrown had stopped abruptly, remaining frozen high above the ground.

"Oh," Shroomish finally gasped, pointing at Musharna and Meowstic, who were along the edges of the court, both of their eyes glowing with some sort of psychic ability. "Look at Meowstic and Musharna! I think they're using their psychic powers to make a sort of psychic net in the air; and it's stopping all the balls from landing on them."

Hakamo-o cursed. "Shit! Stop throwing the balls! Stop throwing the balls!"

But it was too late. Glancing around her, she noted that the Groudons had already tossed all their balls forwards. The psychic net that had caught all the balls was beginning to brim with colour, as if the psychic barrier itself was mocking them. Doing a quick count, Noctowl shook her head.

"There are just about twenty balls in that net. What are they going to do? Just keep all the balls in midair and wait for Shaymin to lose her patience?" she asked, bewildered.

Dhelmise snickered, before reaching out and grabbing one of the balls. "You wish." With a swift throw, the ball knocked Noctowl directly on the head, eliminating her.

Suddenly, each member of the Kyogres had grabbed a ball for themselves, hurtling it towards a member of the Groudons mercilessly. Too shocked to react, most of them had been eliminated instantly.

The few that had survived the hail storm of dodgeballs had attempted to throw a ball at the Kyogres again, only for it to be once against caught by the psychic net and ricochet straight back at them.

"Fuck yeah!" Pumpkaboo exclaimed as she aimed her ball at the final member of the Groudons - Krokorok - sending him sprawling to the ground. "We actually did it!"

"Psychic buddies, for the win," Meowstic sighed, visibly exhausted as he attempted to high-five Musharna.

Shaymin stepped down from the podium, alongside Solgaleo and Lunala.

"Well, since the Kyogres completely trashed that round with all fourteen of them remaining in the game, they have reached fourteen points; so they win the dodgeball challenge!"

With a cheer, the Kyogres all grinned amongst each other; even Lycanroc seemed to be enjoying herself as she exchanged a fist-bump with Zoroark.

"Looks like Musharna isn't as useless as she seems," Magikarp murmured, snickering. "Good, then. At least we are saved from another elimination."

After hearing that, Shaymin cackled. "Not so fast, fish fillet! Just because you won, doesn't mean that you've won."

"What do you mean?" Lycanroc asked curiously, glancing tentatively towards Solgaleo and Lunala.

After a sigh, Lunala shook her head. "Well, the rule was that all contestants - excluding Meat Train Lycanroc, Lurantis and Espeon - must take part in this challenge; otherwise the team is automatically disqualified."

"And since not all of your team members were participating," Solgaleo continued. "That means that the Kyogres have actually been disqualified from the challenge. Which means that, in reality, the Guzzling Groudons have won."

"What are you talking about?" Garchomp demanded. "Everyone in our team participated."

Shaymin grinned.

"Everyone?"

The Kyogres all exchanged wary glances, the ball rolling in their heads as they tried to distinguish who had been missing or which member had not taken part in the challenge. Finally, after moments of thought, the ball finally dropped and, in unison, they all exclaimed:

"Jigglypuff and Ribombee!"

---

"That was the best date ever!" Jigglypuff exclaimed giddily, twirling around as she walked alongside Ribombee towards the cafeteria. "We have to do that again sometime."

The bee offered a smile. "Well, maybe we shouldn't have Shiinotic as our waiter next time. He seems to have a slightly possessive streak."

"Yeah, that's true," accorded Jigglypuff. "How did he let us get away, anyways?"

"He was offended that we didn't like his food, or something like that."

Jigglypuff squinted her nose in memory. "Oh, yeah."

Suddenly, Ribombee reached out to hold the pink Pokémon's hand. Smiling pleasantly, Jigglypuff eyed their clasped hands fondly.

"You enjoy making my heart stop, don't you?" she joked.

Before Ribombee could quip a response, Garchomp had burst out from the cafeteria, glaring at them.

"Ribombee! Jigglypuff! You guys better explain yourselves. Our team is waiting for you inside."

The couple exchanged a baffled stare. After a moment of awkward silence, Ribombee asked, "Wait, why?"

"You're the reason our team lost," Garchomp scowled, before marching back into the cafeteria, hissing at the duo.

Within seconds, tears began to shine in Jigglypuff's eyes. "What did we do, Ribombee?" she squeaked in a hushed voice. "How did our team lose because of us? Was it because of our absence?"

"I dunno," Ribombee responded, biting his fingertips. "But what we get eliminated? What if I lose you, Jigglypuff?"

The pink Pokémon held him tight, basking in the warmth of their embrace as she said, "Don't worry, Ribombee. Even if one of us gets eliminated… I will find a way for us to be together. No matter how long it takes. If I have to chase your soul to the ends of eternity, I will. I won't stop, okay? I promise." After a moment, she smiled cheerfully. "Besides, we can't think negatively. We probably won't get eliminated if we calmly explain to them that Shiinotic just took us away without our permission in the first place."

Nodding slowly, Ribombee patted Jigglypuff gently on the back. "Okay, good idea. How about you go and rest; you've had a big day. I'll go to the cafeteria and explain to everyone exactly what happened."

"Are you sure?" Jigglypuff asked, frowning with concern. "I can be there to back you up-"

"No, it's fine. I insist," Ribombee hastily said, waving away her worry. "I can do it. You should rest."

Jigglypuff released an exasperated sigh. "Fine. I'll see you tonight, then?"

"See you tonight."

"Love ya!"

As Jigglypuff pranced away, Ribombee remained silent, not daring to respond to her verbal display of affection. Once she was out of sight, he shook his head.

"And where there is love, there is lies."

---

"Wait, Jigglypuff did that?" Banette asked, blinking back her shock. "But… I always saw her as a nice girl!"

"I did, too," Ribombee sadly muttered, bowing his head. "Her and Shiinotic had a scheme going all along; she wanted to make sure that our team lost. So she lead me away, and every time I told her that we needed to go back, she would laugh and spit in my face! It was awful. I am so, so sorry that we lost."

Primarina shook her head. "Don't be sorry. It obviously was not your fault. I still cannot believe that Jigglypuff would have done that. It's just so… cruel. Why would she want our team to lose, anyways?"

"Because she's a Jigglypuff!" Mimikyu exclaimed with a frustrated groan. "I always knew they were sketchy, but no one would believe me! See? I told you that Jigglypuff are dangerous."

"And to think that I always thought your fear of her was irrational," Zoroark sighed. "I just can't believe it. Why would she purposely make our team lose, and let Shiinotic torture Ribombee at the same time?"

Tor snickered. "Because she's a sadistic little shit?"

"Maybe she just wants revenge on someone who was mean to her," Ex suggested reasonably.

"M-maybe Ribombee is l-lying and this entire thing a hoax to get us to vote f-for Jigglypuff instead of him?" Egg countered.

Everyone glared at him as Ribombee stifled a helpless sob.

"I promise!" Ribombee burst out, fidgeting with his fingers. "She hasn't let me leave her sight since we've become friends, just because she was s-scared I would tell someone that she's been treating me badly."

"So that's why you two were always together," Pumpkaboo pointed out, her jaw dropping. "I can't believe how sly and manipulative she is!"

Musharna nodded sadly. "Yes, it was very clever of her to target Ribombee… Who is probably one of the most timid members too…"

"I'm sorry," Primarina apologised, reaching over to gently nudge Ribomee. "I hope you're okay, Ribombee."

"Thanks, g-guys," Ribombee muttered, flushing slightly from the attention. "I appreciate it."

0000

"I knew it!" Mimikyu exclaimed excitedly. "I knew that Jigglypuff are horrid creatures! But did anyone believe me before? No. But now they do! Take that, pink little ball of evil!"

0000

Ribombee blinked in the confessionals, his face blank and expressionless as he eyed the lens of the camera.

0000

At the campfire, Shaymin stood at her podium, Bellossom beside her. To the side stoof Lunala ad Solgaleo, along with the rest of their cast, waving farewell to the contestants of the Killer Kyogres.

"Before our elimination ceremony today, I would just like to thank Solgaleo and Lunala for participating in this collaboration with us today!" Shaymin exclaimed, gesturing towards the two hosts beside her. "Thank you for an enjoyable episode, and your cast rocks. I wish them all well for the finals. Except Dhelmise. Dhelmise can go and die in an undersized hole."

Before Dhelmise could come up with a witty response, Lunala had already begun speaking.

"The pleasure is ours, Shaymin. Enjoy your elimination."

Shaymin grinned. "You bet I will. Enjoy your journey back home!" As soon as the Alolan Pokémon had teleported out of her island, the host turned to face her contestants, winking mischievously. "And now, for the results of today's elimination!" she announced.

"Lurantis, you were immune for today, so congrats! You get a gracidea!" Shaymin chimed, her eyes alight as she watched the mantis catch his flower. "The Pokémon who received no votes at all today are: Pumpkaboo, Zoroark, Magikarp, Primarina, Exeggutor, Lucario…"

The Pokémon who had their names announced immediately bolted from their seats, moving to the side as soon as they caught their flowers.

"Meowstic, Musharna, Banette and Mimikyu; you're also safe on zero votes!"

The only Pokémon that remained were Ribombee, Jigglypuff, Pancham and Garchomp.

"Pancham," Shaymin began. "It seems that you have a bit of an admirer, because you only received one vote in total; so you are safe. Same goes to you, Garchomp, as you only received two votes today."

Both the small panda and the draconid stoof from their seats, with Pancham tossing a dirty look towards Lurantis whilst Garchomp remained nonchalant.

"Jigglypuff and Ribombee," Shaymin drawled with a smirk. "It's no surprise seeing you two here, really. Especially since you guys were the ones who fucked up the challenge for your team by not even being there! The question is, which one of you is leaving?"

Jigglypuff's eyes were already brimming with tears, the droplets of salty water slowly sliding down her cheek, adorning the blossoming rosiness of her cheeks.

"Ribombee?" Shaymin called out.

"Hm?"

"With only three votes, you are safe for today."

Though her stomach dropped slightly, Jigglypuff mustered a positive smile on her face as she faced her best friend. "Congratulations," she whispered to him. "I'm so happy for you."

"With nine votes to your name," Shaymin began, showing a sympathetic smile towards Jigglypuff. "You have been eliminated."

0000

"It's a shame that I have to go," Jigglypuff sighed. "Especially after my first ever date with Ribombee! But, oh well, I guess nothing lasts forever. I still don't know why Pokémon would have voted for us, when Ribombee clearly told them that Shiinotic had taken us away?"

After a moment of contemplation, an optimistic grin plastered over her face.

"I really hope Ribombee wins, though! He has been an absolute sweetheart."

0000

"Here, Jigglypuff," Ribombee offered, holding out a flower. "I know you like rocks more than flowers, but I decided to give you a flower instead. They're prettier."

Jigglypuff accepted the flower with a melancholic smile. "Thanks, Ribombee!" With a fond glance at the bee, she reached out to embrace him. "I'll miss you!"

"I'll miss you, too."

"I still can't believe that everyone voted for us," Jigglypuff remarked after a moment of silence. "Surely they knew that we weren't responsible for our own disappearance, right? You told them, right?"

"You bet I told them." Ribombee grinned at her, his lips stretching across his face.

Jigglypuff gave the bee a curious look, focusing carefully on the smile on his face. "And what exactly did you tell them? Why are you smiling?"

"Oh, Jigglypuff, have you always been this foolish?" Ribombee spat, snickering. "Do you remember that day when you asked me what friends were for?"

"Yes?" Jigglypuff responded, her voice shaky with worry. "It was a rhetorical question, but you answered it anyways."

Ribombee leaned against the dock. "And what exactly did I say?"

"You said that…" Jigglypuff suddenly trailed off, her eyes widening with horror. "No."

"Yes," Ribombee snarked, hissing with delight. "I said that friends are for backstabbing, manipulating and torturing, did I not?"

"But you were only joking!" Jigglypuff protested, before her tone became a desperate plea. "You were only joking, right?"

Ribombee flicked away her whisper. "The only joke around here is you."

"I can't believe you," Jigglypuff hissed, her voice low with hurt. "What did you tell everyone about me? Did you tell them some awful lie about me that made them all hate me? That made them want to eliminate me? Is that why everyone was giving me these disgusted looks all afternoon?"

"Would you look at that?" Ribombee sarcastically asked with a grin. "Her brain cells are finally beginning to function."

Jigglypuff shook her head. "I… You… I've never wanted to believe that there was any evil in this world, Ribombee. But you," she accused, stopping herself momentarily before jabbing a thumb at him. "You are the closest I have ever seen."

"Ouch," Ribombee responded. "You've wound me, Jigglypuff. Is that honestly the meanest thing you've said in your life? See, this is your problem. You're too nice; too trusting. This was bound to happen to you, and you knew it."

Finally, Jigglypuff's patience snapped.

"You bastard!" she shrieked, her voice echoing across the bay. "I trusted you! Hell, I loved you for a moment! I spent all my time trying to keep you happy and comfortable, and what do you freaking do? You- you-" Before she could bring herself to continue, her released a loud, moist sob, breaking down into tears before him.

"I'm not evil," Ribombee declared, glancing at his fingers. "It's called playing a game. That's what this is, isn't it? A game. It's always been a game. And in a game, there is always a winner and a loser."

Crumpling into a heaped mess on the dock, Jigglypuff glanced up to glare at him. "You'll never win. It's impossible. Evil never triumphs."

"You know what else is impossible?" Ribombee asked. "A bee flying. You see, according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. But the bee flies anyways."

Ribombee then lowered himself, placing his face dangerously close to Jigglypuff.

"Because bees don't care what others think is impossible."

After his final remark, Ribombee turned around, leaving Jigglypuff stranded as the boat came to pick her up. Ignoring the boat, the pink Pokémon huddled into a ball, bawling her eyes out as she thought over his final words to her.

Suddenly, the bushes began to shudder, leaving wisping in the wind as a Pokémon crawled out of the bushes.

"Who's there?" Jigglypuff called out.

"Mimikyu," the small voice squeaked out, before stepping into the light to reveal the small, ghost-type Pokémon. "I'm sorry f-for eavesdropping. Pancham always comes to watch eliminations, but Lurantis wouldn't let him leave so he a-asked me to make sure you and Ribombee were o-okay."

Jigglypuff smiled sadly. "Is that the only reason you came?"

"No," Mimikyu confessed, shaking her head. "I also wanted to see you go because I am - was - scared of you."

"I figured as much," Jigglypuff admitted, wiping tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry for constantly scaring you."

Mimikyu shook her head hastily. "N-no! I'm sorry for being scared of you. If there was a-anyone I should have been scared of, it was Ribombee, not you. I watched what he said to you and I am… sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been prejudiced. I should have been nice to you, because you've always been nice to me. But… I'm just sorry."

Tears had once again begun to sprung in Jigglypuff's eyes, and she reached out to embrace Mimikyu.

"It's okay, Mimikyu. I forgive you. I'm not sure if I can ever forgive Ribombee, but I can definitely forgive you."

Mimikyu offered a sympathetic smile. "I… If you want, I can try getting Ribombee out? I can warn everyone about him- I can try, I don't know, avenging you?"

"You don't have to step out of your way to do that," Jigglypuff insisted. "In fact, it's sort of my fault. I should have suspected that he had other intentions. There were so many clues he left. And our whole conversation about flowers and rocks…. I should have known."

"What do you mean?" Mimikyu asked gently, tilting head to the side.

Jigglypuff gazed into the forest, her eyes following the path that Ribombee had taken. She took a wistful glance back down at her hands, where the flower in her palm had already begun to wilt into a withering, mournful shade of brown. After a shaky breath, she spoke.

"Stones are eternal. Flowers are not."

---

And cut! Another villain introduced! Why are we introducing so many villains? Will you ever know? No. XD Never! I hope everyone enjoyed this (long-ass) crossover! It was such a pleasure to do with my DSG, Dark Arcanine 33! He is so much fun, and you should check out his stories. He is a badass. Plus, only he knows what is in Shaymin's box.

31st Place: Jigglypuff (The Optimistic Idealist) - Her sole purpose was to reveal Ribombee's true intentions to the world, and I wanted to that relatively soon. Lucky for her, Mimikyu is no longer scared of her species!

Enjoy! It's very long - rip rip. Thank you, once again, Dark Arcanine 33! You're the best DSG ever. :D

Review. Please!