Chuck vs. the Future Redux, Chapter 10 – "Sounds of Laughter, Shades of Life"

CAST (in order of appearance):
River Tam – Summer Glau
Mal Reynolds – Nathan Fillion
Jayne Cobb – Adam Baldwin
Simon Tam – Sean Maher
Zoe Washburne – Gina Torres
Chuck Bartowski – Zachary Levi
Kaylee Frye – Jewel Staite
Major Rick Lorenz – Michael Biehn
Captain Mike Tweedum – Jason Bateman
Sarah Walker – Yvonne Strahovski
John Casey – Adam Baldwin
Bryce Larkin – Matthew Bomer
Alexandra Forrest – Tricia Helfer
Reginald McLellan – Patrick Stewart
Frank Mullins – Damian Lewis

CONTENT WARNING: On a scale of 1 to 10, this chapter's Shipper Apocalypse rating is somewhere around JILL!

2:00 PM, Alliance Mean Time
January 16th, 2519
Eavesdown, Persephone

River Tam had become quite the expert at piloting Serenity in the last year. Though nobody would ever admit it, she was far more of a "leaf on the wind" than Wash had ever been. She could outrun a Reaver ship like it was standing still, and Alliance patrols made no difference to her.

Nonetheless, Mal Reynolds had firmly parked himself in the navigator's seat of the cockpit as Serenity approached Eavesdown Docks. Expert pilot or not, Serenity was his ship, and he would be damned if anything happened to her while landing – especially on as sketchy a planet as Persephone.

Oh, sure, Persephone tried to pass itself off as civilized – "last outpost of the British Empire", people said – but Mal had gotten into a duel on this planet. A DUEL, for God's sake. With SWORDS.

Needless to say, Mal was less than enamored with Persephone. It was why he always carried an extra sidearm when he was on the planet. It was also why there was no POSSIBLE way that Chuck Bartowski was going to take Kaylee Frye off his ship on this planet without a gun.

"Transport Serenity, you are cleared for docking in berth 32I," a controller's voice echoed through the cockpit.

"Copy that," River replied. "Commencing docking procedures."

Mal sighed and rose from his chair. "You got this, little one?"

River turned to him and smiled. "I'm fine, Captain. Go give Chuck a piece of your mind."

Mal glared at River. "Stop reading my mind," he grumbled. "It's creepy."

"You've got a fascinating mind, though," River replied with a grin. "Especially when you think about Ina-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence!" Mal called over his shoulder as he stalked out of the cockpit. Damn psychic, he thought as he walked down the hall – although his thoughts were rapidly occupied by a disturbing sight.

"Jayne!" he hollered. "Do I need to make it a standing order? No grenades!"

Jayne's face fell. "Aw, but Mal!" He held a grenade in the air. "You tellin' me you're gonna give spaceboy a gun, but I can't take my friends along with me?"

Mal stopped in front of Jayne and looked him in the eye. "Listen to me very carefully," he said. "The day we land on Londinium to go give the Parliament a piece of our minds, then you can take grenades. But until then – NO GRENADES!"

Jayne grunted unhappily. "Whatever you say, Mal."

Mal continued through his ship, stopping in the infirmary to get inoculated against whatever bugs might be crawling around Persephone. "You do know that it's redundant for us to do this every time we land on Persephone, right?" Zoe asked deadpan as he entered. "Or so Simon tells me."

"The body metabolizes the vaccine," Simon insisted. "It stays around for a long time."

Mal turned an amused look on Simon. "Look, Dr. Pretty Boy," he said. "I landed on Persephone once, got inoc'd. Next time, I didn't, and I wound up sick and in pain for the next two weeks."

Zoe smiled. "Think that might've had more to do with that girl you picked up at that ridiculous pub, Captain," she said.

"Traitor," Mal grumbled as he rolled up his sleeve.

A moment later, he exited the infirmary, holding a gauze pad against the injection site. A few steps down the hall, and he was in front of Chuck's quarters, which Chuck himself was just emerging from.

"Afternoon, Chuck," Mal said, falling into step next to Chuck. "If you're plannin' to take Kaylee anywhere on this rock, you'll be takin' this with you."

Reaching into his belt, Mal withdrew what looked to Chuck to be a Smith & Wesson .38, but which had a stamp on it that said BLUE SUN. "Ah, I don't think that's such a good idea," Chuck said with a nervous laugh.

Mal sighed. "Not that hard, Chuck," he said. "You aim. You pull the trigger. A bullet departs, and if you can aim anything better than a six year old, your target drops."

"Mal," Chuck replied, "the last time I tried to handle a gun, I managed to eject the clip while trying to turn off the safety."

"Which is why I'm givin' you a revolver," Mal said patiently. "Almost completely idiotproof."

Chuck sighed. "Alright," he replied, holding out his hand. Mal slapped the gun into his hand. Chuck took the gun, and tried to slide it into the back of his waistband – just like he had seen Sarah do a hundred times before.

Unfortunately for Chuck, a .38 isn't nearly as big as the Colt 1911 that Sarah carried – and his pants were far looser than hers ever were. And so, the little replica Smith & Wesson revolver slid straight down Chuck's left pant leg, hit the deck, and discharged. The bullet pinged off the bulkhead, sending both men diving for cover.

"Zhen daoméi!" Mal shouted. "What the hell?!"

"I TOLD you it was a bad idea!" Chuck shot back.

As he spoke, Kaylee came running into the corridor. "Shénme dou shìdàng ma?!" she asked, alarmed. "I heard gunfire –"

"That would be this bèndàn right here," Mal growled, pointing at Chuck.

"Hey!" Chuck shot back. "Bìzui, tamade hùndàn! You're the one responsible for me imitating Plaxico Burress!"

Mal and Kaylee both looked at Chuck, incredulous, neither of them even wondering who the hell Chuck was talking about. "When in the blue hell did you start speaking Chinese?!" Mal demanded.

Chuck shrugged, a grin on his face. "I cheated," he replied.

"And what the hell does that mean?"

Chuck's grin got even bigger. "That would be my secret."

Mal's eyes narrowed, but before the argument could escalate, Kaylee stepped between them. "Chuck, give me the gun," she said quietly. Chuck did so, without argument, and she slid it into a pocket. "Now, come with me," she continued. "I have something to show you, and Captain Tightpants doesn't need to come along."

"I have the feeling I wouldn't want to come along," Mal mumbled as he walked the other direction.

"Ignore him," Kaylee said as she and Chuck walked toward the cargo bay. "He's just in one of those moods."

"Might be because he almost got shot," Chuck replied.

"Nah," Kaylee said. "He's been shot before. I think it's more because he's rather protective of me."

"Well, that would explain why he tried to give me the gun," Chuck said. "Said he didn't want me taking you off the ship without it."

Kaylee smiled. "See? He's sweet, in his own, very strange way."

However, Chuck had stopped listening. "No WAY," he whispered, as he walked into the cargo bay.

Sitting in the center of the bay was a 2007 Toyota Yaris. Red and white, it was decorated in the color scheme and trim of Buy More's Nerd Herd – and it looked like it had just come off a showroom floor. It had been polished to the point that it reflected light, and the windshield and driver's window had been replaced.

"How?" Chuck asked, incredulous. "When?!"

Kaylee shrugged. "I've had two weeks of travel to take care of it," she said. "You'd be amazed at what you can do in two weeks. Changed out all the fluids, filled it up with 97 octane petrolate -"

Chuck turned to Kaylee, a huge grin on his face, and interrupted her. "You are absolutely amazing, baobèi," he said, and then kissed her.

He pulled away, and then headed toward the Herder. He didn't even notice that Kaylee was frozen where he had left her, a stunned smile on her face.

Chuck pulled the Herder's keys from his pocket, hitting the unlock button. The horn beeped briefly, the turn signals flashed, and the doors unlocked. He pulled open the driver's door, sat down, and put the key in the ignition. He turned the key, and the Yaris' little 1.8 liter engine purred to life like it was brand new.

"AWESOME!" Chuck boomed. He rolled down the windows, and put the Yaris into drive. Cranking the steering wheel over to the left, he pulled a very tight donut, leaving skid marks across the deck of Serenity's cargo bay.

He brought the Herder to a quick stop next to Kaylee, whose smile had gone from stunned to very pleased. She leaned into the car, kissed Chuck, and asked, "Where you headed, stranger?"

2:20 PM, Alliance Mean Time
Madrassa, Sihnon

The belly of Enterprise glowed as she sailed into the atmosphere of the more Asian-influenced of the two core planets. "Shuttle Enterprise to Madrassa Control," Major Lorenz spoke into his microphone. "We are requesting clearance for landing."

There was a brief crackle of static, and then control came back. "Enterprise, copy. Please state your business in Madrassa."

"We are a diplomatic mission to Alderaan," Captain Tweedum cracked. Major Lorenz grinned, and keyed his microphone.

"Military shuttle carrying two representatives of the National Security Agency," he said. "They have an appointment with the head of the Companions' Guild."

"Copy, Enterprise. Please hold."

Sarah Walker cocked her head at the request. "Weird," she said quietly. "I wonder why we're being asked to hold?"

Bryce Larkin turned his head and exchanged a look with John Casey. Halfway between Persephone and Sihnon, Casey had begun spiking everything Sarah ate or drank with tiny doses of an extraordinarily powerful tranquilizer. As a result, for the last week, Sarah had been as docile as a woman could be. Consequently, the Enterprise crew had all been much, much happier.

"Enterprise, this is Madrassa Control. You are cleared to land on runway 74 right. After landing, please taxi immediately to the VIP terminal."

"Huh," Tweedum said. "VIP terminal? They must've expected you."

"Yeah, well, it's kind of blowing our low profile," Casey grumbled.

Enterprise touched down on the runway gently and rolled out quickly. Major Lorenz pulled her nose around to the left, bringing the space shuttle to a stop next to –

"Is that a red carpet?" Bryce asked in disbelief.

"Unbelievable," Casey said, as he reached into his pocket. Coming out with a quarter, he said, "Call it, Larkin."

"Heads," Bryce replied, as the quarter fell to the deck.

Tails. Casey grinned. "Looks like it's your turn to take Mullins for his walk," he said.

Bryce sighed. He didn't want to take the Fulcrum man for a walk.

Serenity

Chuck had turned the Herder toward the ramp out of the cargo bay, and was about to accelerate out into the streets of Eavesdown, when he heard a shout. "Wèi!" River Tam shouted. "Chuck! Don't forget your communicator!"

To Chuck's astonishment, River was holding his iPhone. "River, it won't work here," he said, confused. "I mean, thanks, but –"

He was cut off by the theme from the BBC's Torchwood echoing through the bay. "That's impossible," he said, stunned. Nonetheless, he hit the "talk" button and brought the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Since you can't seem to handle a gun, I thought maybe a workin' communications device would be in order," he heard Mal Reynolds say.

"Right," Chuck said. "Uh, thanks."

He ended the call and turned to River. "How, exactly…"

River shrugged. "Just moved around a few wires, made it capable of receiving signals from the ship." She grinned. "It should still work with your AT&T network, too, whatever that is."

Chuck smiled. "You really are a genius, aren't you?"

"I try," River replied.

Chuck shook his head and took his foot off the brake. He waved at River as the Herder rolled forward, and then he accelerated out of the ship. "Betcha Steve Jobs never thought that was possible," he said.

Kaylee looked at him strangely. "Steve Jobs?" she asked. "You mean, the guy who started Apple?"

Almost as quickly as he had accelerated, Chuck brought the Yaris to a halt, turning to Kaylee in shock. "You know who Steve Jobs was?"

"Sure!" Kaylee said. "No Steve Jobs, no Apple. No Apple, no Blue Sun. No Blue Sun, no Alliance."

"Unbelievable," Chuck muttered, taking his foot off the brake again. "And here I always thought it would be Microsoft that would take over the world."

"Oh, don't you worry 'bout that," Kaylee said. "Microsoft owns the computer market."

"Never mind," Chuck grumbled. Reaching out, he snagged the Herder's iPod cable and unspooled it. Plugging it into the bottom of his iPhone, he pulled up iTunes and handed the phone to Kaylee. "Go through here, pick out a song. It operates by touch."

Kaylee took the phone and looked at it, almost reverently. "Hard to believe this is five hundred years old," she said quietly. "It's technology better than what we got on Serenity!"

She scrolled through iTunes quickly, muttering band names as she went. Chuck overheard her whisper Arcade Fire and Bad Religion, and then –

"Who were the Bee Attles?"

Chuck frowned. "The who?" He turned his head slightly. "Wait a second, you mean the Beatles?"

"Spelled B-E-A-T-L-E-S?" Kaylee asked.

"Yeah, that's right!" Chuck said. "How have you never heard of the Beatles? They were one of the most influential bands – well, ever!"

Kaylee cocked her head to the side. "Where were they from?"

"They were a British band –"

"Then that's why," Kaylee interrupted him. "During the war, the Alliance made anything to do with the Independents illegal. The British Empire was part of the Coalition, so –"

"Okay, that just sucks," Chuck said. "Seriously. They were amazing. You need to pick one of their songs."

Kaylee scrolled through Chuck's massive collection of Beatles songs for a moment, and then stopped. "Hmm. This song looks strangely appropriate."

She tapped the iPhone, and a moment later, John Lennon's voice poured into the car. "Words are flying out like endless rain into a paper cup… they slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe…"

Chuck grinned. "Unbelievably appropriate," he said. "'Across the Universe' is a great song as it is. They actually made a movie based on it. It's kinda trippy, but it – oh, hey! Look at that!"

He swerved to the side of the road, bringing the Herder to a halt. "What's going on?" Kaylee asked.

Chuck leaned across her and pointed. They had stopped in front of a store with the sign Earth-That-Was Antiques painted in the window. "THAT's what's going on," Chuck replied.

Companions' Guild
Madrassa, Sihnon

"Major Casey, Agent Walker, sorry to keep you waiting," a striking woman said, walking into the room. "My name is Alexandra Forrest. I am the director of the Companions' Guild. I understand you're inquiring about one of our Companions?"

"That's correct," Sarah replied. "We're looking for a Companion by the name of Inara Serra. We were told that she's something of an itinerant Companion?"

Director Forrest nodded. "Yes, indeed," she replied. "She was one of the best students here, and were it not for her inexplicable need to travel, she would likely be in my position by now." She paused and frowned. "May I ask why the NSA seeks her?"

Casey raised a hand. "Don't worry, Director, she's not in any trouble," he said. "However, it's our understanding that she may be in possession of something that might lead us to another agent – one who has been abducted. We'd like to ask her a few questions about that."

"I see," Forrest replied, still not seeming entirely convinced. Nonetheless, she said, "Inara rents a shuttle from a man named Malcolm Reynolds. He's the captain of a transport named Serenity, which last checked in…" Forrest paused, turning to a computer terminal and tapping the screen a few times. "According to the Cortex, Serenity docked approximately an hour ago on Persephone."

The room fell quiet, but Casey knew that that was exactly the wrong word to say. As he watched, Sarah's face turned such a shade of red that it was almost purple. "Persephone?" she asked in disbelief. "PERGODDAMNSEPHONE?!"

Sarah shot to her feet, and stormed out of the room, leaving a scorching trail of profanities behind her. "That was rather abrupt," Alexandra Forrest said. "She seemed so pleasant a moment ago."

Casey sighed. "My apologies," he said. "We just arrived here from Persephone, and it took two weeks to get here. I'm afraid Agent Walker has had cabin fever, and as far as I can tell, PMS."

Forrest narrowed her eyes. "I've always found men to be rather poor judges of that," she replied, rising to her feet. "Now, as much as you might hate to make the two week trip back to Persephone, that is your best bet to find Serenity, and therefore, Inara. The ship doesn't have a registered home port, but from what Inara has told me, Captain Reynolds does seem to have a certain affinity for the planet."

She turned toward a glass cabinet. "It's inexplicable, really," she said, as she opened the cabinet. "It's my understanding that Captain Reynolds nearly found himself skewered on the business end of a sword on Persephone some time ago, and it was only Inara's intervention that prevented him from winding up dead."

Removing a vial from the cabinet, she returned to Casey and handed it to him. "Tell me, has Agent Walker been traveling with only men?"

Casey shrugged. "Well, four of us," he said.

Forrest sighed and looked toward the ceiling. "Men," she muttered. "Her body is overproducing estrogen to compensate. This drug will cause her body to return to normal estrogen production. She will likely be far calmer than she was just now."

"I'm a fan of that idea," Casey said. "How often do I have to dose her?"

Earth-That-Was Antiques
Eavesdown, Persephone

Chuck felt like he was ten years old again. He was glued to a Lady Pac-Man machine, his eyes fixed on the screen as the little yellow circle with the pink bow on its head moved across the screen, gobbling up white dots.

Then a hand was placed on his, distracting his attention from the game long enough for Lady Pac-Man to run directly into the red goblin. That's when reality came back to Chuck, reminding him that he was in the twenty-sixth century, and the video game machine in front of him was five hundred and forty years old.

"You look so cute, concentrating on the game like that," Kaylee teased him. "Ever seen one of these before?"

"Holy crap!" Chuck said. "A Sony cassette boom box! I had one of those things when I –"

He suddenly realized just how loud his voice was and dropped it by several decibels. "I had one of those when I was a kid. I must've gone through three copies of the Beastie Boys' License to Ill with it. I thought I was SO cool."

"I bet you did," Kaylee replied, smiling. "Come here – I want you to see something."

Chuck followed her to what looked very much like a big cardboard box full of secure digital memory cards – except they all had combinations of English words and Chinese characters on them. "What the heck?" Chuck asked, pulling out a memory cards.

The English on it was quite clear – U2. "No way!" Chuck said incredulously. "What does the Chinese on this say?"

Kaylee gave him a look. "I thought you learned Chinese, buddy."

Chuck blushed. "Just how to speak it," he replied. "And when I said I cheated, it was that whole Intersect thing."

"Ah," Kaylee replied. "I see. Well, this says, Achtung, Baby."

"Oh, that's an AMAZING album," Chuck said, taking the stick back. He dug back into the box, pausing to extract the occasional SDM card. Kaylee joined him, and then stopped a moment later.

"Hey," she said, "these both say the Beatles on them." She handed a card to Chuck. "This one is apparently called Let It Be, and –" she handed him a second card "- this one says that it's 'The White Album'."

"Oh, wow," Chuck whispered, almost reverently. "Those are both fantastic albums. I have to get you those."

Kaylee gave him a funny look. "How do you propose to do that?" she asked. "You're broke!"

"No, I'm not!" Chuck replied with a grin. Dumping a pile of ten SDM cards into Kaylee's hands, he ran outside. Within a minute, he was back in the store.

He strode up to the counter, where a man with a nametag that declared he was "Reginald McLellan, Owner," stood.

"How much can I get for this?" Chuck asked, plunking the Herder's Garmin GPS unit on the counter.

Reginald McLellan picked up the GPS unit, his eyes widening. "My Lord," he whispered. "A genuine Global Positioning System unit! And in perfect condition, too!" He looked at Chuck. "Where could you have POSSIBLY come by something like this?"

"It's, uh, a family heirloom," Chuck replied. McLellan gave him a strange look. "Not a big fan of certain members of my family."

"I see," McLellan said. "Well, this is a piece worthy of my museum. I'll give you ten thousand credits for it."

Chuck raised an eyebrow. "Is that a lot?"

His question was answered when he heard a gasp behind him. "Wode ma!" Kaylee whispered. Clearly, it was a lot.

Ten minutes later, they walked out of the store. Chuck's wallet was 9,962 credits heavier. Kaylee was holding a bag that contained not just the two Beatles albums and the U2 album, but also selections from Arcade Fire, Bad Religion, the Ataris, Switchfoot, the Killers, and a copy of the movie Across the Universe. "Tell me," Chuck said, "why do those look exactly like Secure Digital Memory cards?"

"Well," Kaylee replied, "because they are!"

"Oh, come on!" Chuck shot back. "That's twenty-first century technology!"

"Hey, if it ain't broke, why fix it?" Kaylee asked. "Serenity is nearly fifty years old, but she's a sturdy old girl, y'know?"

"I guess it makes sense," Chuck said. "Do you have something that can read these onboard?"

"Oh, sure!" Kaylee replied. "I have a lot of music – Beethoven, Mozart, Strauss, stuff like that."

Chuck thought for a moment. "Well… if you've got a spare card reader, I think I can probably wire it into the Herder's stereo."

Kaylee smiled. "You'd do that… for me?"

"Well, it is MY car," Chuck said, "so technically, it'd be for me… but yeah, I guess it would be for you, too."

"That'd be nice," Kaylee said softly, as she leaned across to Chuck. Gently grabbing his shirt collar, she pulled him to her, kissing him. The kiss lasted for quite a while, too. It wasn't a super intense, "we're about to die on the docks in San Pedro" sort of kiss… but it was the kind of kiss where one person can tell every emotion going through the other's mind. The kind of kiss where both people involved are totally vulnerable to the other.

The kind that one never wants to end.

Chuck gently placed his hand behind Kaylee's neck and pulled her a little bit closer. Finally, she pulled away, tilting her head back and staring into Chuck's eyes. "Chuck Bartowski," she whispered, "I know I've only known you for three weeks…" She sighed, and closed her eyes. "But I do believe I'm falling in love."

Madrassa, Sihnon

The black government hovercar slid silently to a stop next to Enterprise. The back door burst open, startling Bryce – who literally had Frank Mullins on the end of a chain.

"I cannot BELIEVE we have to go back to Persephone!" she growled "We just spent two weeks flying here from –"

"Oh, would you shut up," Casey growled, walking past Sarah. He jabbed a syringe into her thigh and pushed down the plunger, dumping the full dose of Alex Forrest's estrogen reducer directly into her bloodstream.

Sarah looked at the hypodermic needle sticking out of her thigh, and then up at Casey. "What the hell?! What was… oh… I feel… hmmm…"

Casey caught Sarah as she began to collapse. "I'll get Walker loaded; you take care of Mullins," he instructed Bryce.

As Bryce guided Mullins up the stairs into the shuttle at gunpoint, Mullins said, "You do know that you're violating a whole fistful of laws, right?"

Bryce shrugged. "First of all, we aren't in the US right now. Secondly, even if we were, George Bush is still President… so, what are these laws you speak of?"

Mullins just shook his head – and smiled.

Sure, the inch long shard of glass hurt as it dug into the palm of his hand, but he was quite certain it was going to come in handy very soon.