Beautiful Disaster

"Love the life you live, and live the life you love"

-Bob Marley

Jacob sat in his room with his head in his hands. Once again his heart was burning for the one person he needed. He couldn't help but feel resentment towards Edward for putting him in this position. Edward was causing him to wallow in self pity and guilt. He wasn't sure if he had crossed the thin line between love and hate but he was pretty sure he was close.

Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over

"What the hell are you doing here?" Rachel growled at Alice and Jasper who had come to their house to visit Jacob. Rachel was irate at their audacity to show up at her house after everything they put Jacob through.

"We came to see Jacob," Alice said in a strong voice. To her Jacob was still their family it didn't matter if Edward was around or not.

Rachel was standing on her porch so that she was looking down on them. She folded her arms across her chest glaring at the pixie and her emo boyfriend. Leah strolled out of the house over hearing their fight and came to stand beside Rachel with a mocking grin on her face.

"That's not going to happen," Leah said smiling.

Both Leah and Rachel were known around La Push to be tyrants, they had openly welcomed it. Both of them stared at the Cullen's with matching scowls on their faces.

"Would it be too much to ask to have a few words with him?" Jasper asked gently sensing the hostility rolling off of them.

"Yes," Rachel hissed furiously, "Last time you leeches had a 'few words with him' he tore up my fucking house!"

"We apologize, but it really is important that we speak with Jacob," Alice said calmly.

"If this has anything to do with Edward he doesn't want to hear it," Leah chimed in. "If it's pack business talk to me about it,"

"Look, I understand if you think you are protecting him and all that jazz but if you could please tell him we are here that would be great," Alice said her voice gathering edge to it.

"What part of he doesn't want to see you do you not understand leech?" Leah snarled.

"He hasn't said that you are telling me that. For all I know you could be lying. So if you could please tell him we are here." Alice said intolerantly.

"Are you calling me a liar?" Leah accused taking a step forward. She was getting ready to phase and rip the bitch is head off.

"Hell no, you leeches ripped him a part and left him for dead. Now I suggest you get the fuck off my property before I have Leah throw you off it," Rachel growled.

Alice and Jasper shared a look before turning around and leaving.

"Fucking bloodsuckers," Leah said shaking her head and returning back towards the house.

Flashback

Jacob ran his hand through his unruly hair. He leaned against his motorcycle in Fork's high school parking lot waiting to catch a glimpse of Edward. Absentmindedly he ran his hand over his grease stained faded light blue jeans. He folded his massive arms over his rippled chest intimidating the students walking past him. Jacob's eyes narrowed as he saw a silver Volvo pull into the parking lot.

Bella stepped out of the passenger seat of the car her face lighting up as she glanced at Edward. With his windswept hair and golden brown orbs he scanned the parking lot before picking up Jacob's scent. He shoved his hands into his pockets agitated at Jacob's boldness to show up at their school. Unaware of Jacob's presences Bella pulled Edward into an embrace.

Jacob started seeing red. He wanted to break every single bone in Bella's body so that she wouldn't be able to hug Edward like that again. He watched as the lovely couple walked hand in hand towards him and he couldn't help but let a scowl form on his face. Jacob wanted to claim Edward right then and there but knew he couldn't because of all the bystanders.

Looking around cautiously Bella planted a heated kiss on Edward's mouth. Infuriated Jacob felt like his heart was about to explode as he watched their lips dance together. Edward made no attempt to break the kiss and that only enraged him further.

Forgetting why he came there Jacob jumped on his motorcycle and tore through the parking lot leaving a trail of dust and smoke behind him. How could Edward be so callous with his feelings? Did he not know how hard it was for Jacob to not want to rip out Bella's throat every time he saw them together?

His mind was swirling with thoughts and feelings that he had no control over. What if Edward didn't want him as an imprint anymore?

That thought alone tore him to shreds as he began to imagine his life without Edward in it even as a friend. Just a few months ago they had officially began seeing each other romantically and Jacob wasn't willing to ever give that up. He rode his motorcycle towards a cabin deep in the woods wanting to clear his head.

"Why were you there?" A husky voice said once Jacob cut the engine. He knew Edward would be there waiting for him but his sweet voice still caught him off guard.

"You already know why I was there Edward," Jacob said annoyed. He got off his bike and made his way into the cabin.

The cabin itself was a gift from Esme to Edward hoping that he would find the right girl and settle down with her. Originally it was for Edward and Bella but he had never found the time to bring her here plus it was his secrete place with Jacob.

Naturally the whole place smelled like pine and was decorated moderately stylish and very cosy. The fridge was stocked with all kinds of food and the closets were stocked with clothes for both of them. Edward spent so much of his time here he rarely went home. Most of the family assumed he spent his time here with Bella and he did nothing to discourage that idea.

"I can't do this anymore," Jacob said stopping in the living room and turning around to face Edward. He couldn't live and watch Edward so happy with Bella. It was more than just breaking his heart, the pain was excruciating. It was devastating to know that in public Bella could call her his and all Jacob had were whispers and promises in the dark.

"I love her, what more do you want to me to do?" Edward said coldly. He wanted to be with Jacob openly but he refused because he was afraid of what his pack might think.

"I don't know. All I know is that I can't do this anymore. When I don't know where you are or always wondering if you're with her it kills me. I can't do it." Jacob said quietly.

"This is what you wanted," Edward said growing angry. Of course he didn't want to be with Bella anymore it would only hurt her in the end.

"I know I did want this but now….To see her touch you where I've touched you and kiss you how I've kissed you…It's too much." Jacob said closing his eyes lightly.

"What are you saying?" Edward asked unsure of the point of this conversation. He knew that physically it made Jacob sick to even think about him and Bella.

"I'm saying I can't be with you anymore," Jacob whispered forcefully. "I can't be the one that you see a few hours every day because you need to spend time with her. I can't just make love to you and know that when I wake up you won't be there!"

Edward's eyes turned into slits as he took in all of Jacob's words. He was breaking up with him. Well Edward wasn't going to allow him to get out of their relationship so easily.

"I know for a fact you don't mean what you're saying," Edward growled. "I love you and you love me end of story."

"No, Edward. What part of I can't be with you anymore do you not understand!" Jacob snarled growing frustrated.

"The 'can't' part!" Edward yelled at him. "Look, I know it's very hard for you believe me I do, but do you think I actually want to kiss Bella? Her lips taste like sand paper to me now."

"It doesn't stop you from kissing them," Jacob seethed.

"You know what? This is bullshit. It's fucking bullshit, okay, and it's getting us nowhere!" Edward screamed.

"Break up with her," Jacob stated testing Edward's love for him.

"What?" Edward asked shocked at his bluntness.

"Do it, tell her you love her but it's not enough,"

"I can't,"

"Why not?"

"You know why, I just can't. She'll be heartbroken and Charlie will kill me."

Jacob rolled his eyes at his comment.

"Then you don't love me" Jacob said sadly.

"I do, babe, I do, but I just need-give me some time please." Edward said taking a step towards Jacob. "We both need time. This is a lot to handle once you tell your pack then I will finally break it off with Bella for good I promise."

Jacob turned his head away and nodded at Edward. He guessed that in many ways he wasn't being fair. Edward had never complained about not being able to be with him in public. Edward placed a light kiss on his cheek before starting on Jacob's dinner.

The next day Bella called and invited Jacob over to the Cullen's house for dinner. Reluctantly Jacob had agreed. He didn't want to go because he wouldn't be the one who Edward introduced as his partner, that title would belong to Bella. Grinding his teeth together he and Bella drove in silence towards the Cullen's house.

"This means a lot of to me, Jake. I just really want you and Edward to get along." Bella said breaking the silence between them. Jacob grunted a response before exiting the vehicle. The pixie ran out of the house to greet Bella with a hug and a kiss.

"Alice, this is Jacob-"

"Yes, the dog I know," Alice said. Jacob's gut twisted in his stomach as Edward's sister had called him a dog. Is this what they really thought of him? They didn't even know him.

"Alice," Bella scolded her friend. Jacob began to feel like nothing, worse than nothing. "I'm sorry," Bella breathed. The three of them made their way into the house and were greeting by Carlisle and his wife Esme.

"What stinks?" Rosalie said turning up her nose at the sight of the werewolf.

"Rose," Carlisle warned and then turned to smile at them. Jacob had yet to saw three words and he already felt unwelcomed. Deciding to play their game he scowled at her.

"What?" She said innocently "It's not my fault if he stinks,"

"Hey, Rosalie, what do a blond and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up." Jacob said seethed.

Bella and Alice both snickered while Rosalie glared at him. Emmett, Jasper and Edward all came downstairs to greet Jacob casually. Jacob watched with jealous eyes as Edward gave Bella a peck on the lips. He growled softly when the peck took longer than usual.

"Edward, do you want to show our guest around while we prepare dinner?" Emse said breaking the tension in the room.

"Oh, Bella I have to show you this new dress Rosalie and I got," Alice pulled Bella and Rosalie up the stairs into her bedroom leaving Jacob and Edward alone together.

"Would you like a tour?" Edward asked. Jacob nodded never taking his eyes off of Edward. They walked slowly around the house just basking in each other company. When they came upstairs Edward pulled Jacob into his room and locked the door.

They started kissing frantically wanting to tear off each other's clothing. Jacob sighed softly when Edward's mouth found it was to his neck. They hadn't been together in four days because Jacob was busy with the pack and Edward had to entertain Bella.

Honestly Jacob hated the secrecy and the lies but he didn't want to have to deal with the consequences right now. Jacob gasped as Edward bit into his neck leaving a mark. Edward wanted so badly to feel Jacob in his hands.

Slowly Edward started unbuttoning Jacob's pants. Alarmed Jacob grabbed Edward's wrist not wanting to go any further in his house with his whole family and Bella there.

"No," Jacob breathed.

"I want you, so badly," Edward said capturing Jacob luscious ample lips with his own. Thrusting his tongue in his mouth he grew excited at the whimpering noises Jacob was making.

"Edward!" Alice called from downstairs. "I hope you and Jacob haven't killed each other yet!"

Edward broke apart from Jacob panting. He pressed his cold forehead against Jacob's as he made himself to calm down.

"We better go," Jacob said breathlessly. Edward placed one final soft kiss against Jacob's lips basking in the warmth of it.

"You are the only one who has my heart. Don't you ever think otherwise," Edward whispered forcefully. They fixed themselves before coming down the stairs and sitting at the dinner table with the family. Conversation was flowing nicely but Jacob had hardly said anything.

"So how's school Jacob?" Carlisle asked.

"Jacob doesn't go to school," Bella said answering for him. "He graduated a semester early and just got a scholarship to go to whatever school he wants." She said proudly. Jacob felt somewhat annoyed that Bella would just tell the leeches his business. Edward's jaw dropped. Jacob had neglected to mention all of this to him.

"Oh? That's great. I bet your family is proud. How are your mother and father?" Esme asked.

"My mother is dead." Jacob said evenly. "My dad is stuck in a wheelchair but he's doing fine."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Emse said sadly.

"So, Jake, what school are you planning to attend next year?" Edward asked trying to keep his voice casual.

"I'm not sure, Eddie." Jacob said giving Edward a lopsided smile.

"Well, maybe you could go to Dartmouth or University of Washington," Edward pushed. He had always wanted to go school with Jacob.

"Yeah, Jake" Bella beamed. "With your grades you could totally get in,"

"I don't think those schools are for me," Jacob said quietly.

"He's right, I'm pretty sure they have a policy about dirty animals." Rosalie said across the table. Her words cut him like a knife. To Edward's family all he would be seen is was dirt.

"Excuse me," Jacob said standing up and walking out of the room.

"Rosalie," Carlisle said in an angry tone. "That was uncalled for,"

Bella stood up to go after her friend but Edward suggested that he go and get him. Bella nodded unsure if she should let him knowing their bad history together. Edward raced out the house and found Jacob walking down the drive way just about to enter the forest.

"Wait," Edward said standing in front of Jacob blocking his exit. "I'm sorry about Rose she just takes some getting use too,"

"Get the hell out of my way Edward," Jacob growled not in the mood to listen to him.

"No," Edward said firmly. "Not everyone thinks the way she does,"

"Oh, really 'cause when Bella just told you all those things about me I saw your jaw drop. It's bad enough I have everyone around me thinking I'm less than nothing but to have you too...It just puts the icing on the cake now does it?" Jacob said agitated.

"I was surprised that's all. You never say anything about yourself," Edward argued. "Plus, I had to hear that you weren't even in school from Bella."

"It doesn't change the fact that you think I am less than shit," Jacob fumed.

"That's not true and you know it" Edward said angrily.

"Then why did you want me to go to those prodigious schools? So that I can what become like you? Fit in your prefect rich country club world?" Jacob growled.

"I want to help you strive for the best. You can do whatever you want! I just want to be there every step of the way. I don't care what you do as long as I can be a part of it."

"You know having nice things-fancy things it's never going to happen for me." Jacob said sadly.

"I don't give a shit! I really don't." Edward said smiling. "Now get your ass back into the house!"

Jacob debated for a while before following Edward back into the house. They held hands until Edward opened the front door and they reluctantly had to let go.

End Flashback

Jacob walked down a familiar path towards Sam's house. He knew the pack would be there and he desperately needed their help. When Edward had left he had spiralled into a deep depression and he needed help running his business because doing it alone has become impossible for him.

Dragging his feet up in the wooden steps he remembered a time where this place felt like a second home to him. But now it was nothing more than a memory, a foreign land filled with hollow laughter and faded comradeship. Knocking on the door he could hear the pack squabbling over food and the T.V remote.

"Come on in," Sam called. Walking through the house Jacob ran his hand through his chin length hair. He had considered cutting it but decided against it.

"Jake, you don't have to knock," Sam said smiling at his brother. He always felt a surge of pride when Jacob was around him. It made him feel like a father seeing how great his son had become.

"Oh," Jacob said his voice sounding dead. "I came here to ask you guys a favour,"

"Why do you grab some food? We'll talk," Sam said planting a firm hand on Jacob's shoulder and stirring him towards the kitchen. Sam knew Jacob wasn't eating because of the prick Edward but he felt that it was his duty to make sure his brother was healthy.

Jacob nodded to the pack members before sitting down and chewing on a muffin. Food that had once tasted so good to him now repulsed him in every way possible. He just couldn't stomach it anymore. There really didn't seem like a point without Edward around. After forcefully choking down a muffin he turned to Sam ready to talk.

"Whatever you need, we're here for you," Sam said beaming at him.

"Okay, well as you know I run a business in Seattle. I just need some help running it for a while. I don't need just anybody I need people I can trust. It would only be for a week before I let Rosalie take over. I would need the oldest members of the pack because it's not like the pups can do any work around the office. Ever since he left I have been unable to go back to work and there are many things that need to be taken care of." Jacob said.

"I'm in," Embry said. "I can get off work with my vacation time,"

"Yeah, count me in also," Quil said.

"What the hell? I'm on call anyway," Paul said grinning at Jacob.

"Alright, I'm in too," Sam said finally. "If this is what you want. When do we leave?"

Three hours later Jacob was crammed into an elevator with four of his pack brothers. Their massive bodies made the whole elevator suffocating to Jacob. Before they hit his floor Jacob had broken out into a sweat. It had been three months since he had been to his apartment in Seattle, their apartment.

Sam put his hand on Jacob's shoulder sensing his distress. The doors opened and Jacob led the way to his flat. The mailbox and filled with letters and news papers overflowing. He didn't bother looking at them because some of them were addressed to Edward.

He opened the door and the house was still in perfection condition. Everyone gasped as they entered the house amazed at its vastness. Jacob had called Rosalie earlier so that she could arrange for the two guest rooms to have two more single beds in it.

"Damn," Paul said loudly, "Jakey did good,"

"Is this a fountain of chocolate?" Quil exclaimed pointing to the fountain that was in the middle of kitchen counter. Jacob shrugged and nodded he didn't know how to turn that damn thing off so he just left it.

"Make yourself at home," Jacob said throwing his bag down on the couch and walking towards the kitchen.

"This is the ultimate bachelor pad," Embry said looking out towards the balcony.

"Very nice," Sam said coming to sit on a bar stool.

"Are you guy's hungry? Thirsty? The office is closed right now so how about we freshen up for a while then we hit the clubs, does that sound good to you?"

They all sung in agreement. While pouring Sam a drink Jacob noticed a picture sitting on the mantel of Edward and him together. He had almost forgotten how beautiful Edward photographed and began to have a mini heart attack. Speed walking towards the mantel he quickly turned that picture down before he realized that there was another one sitting beside the lamp. He ran around the whole room frantically turning all of the pictures down and stuffing them into draws so that he wouldn't have to look at them.

The others watched him sadly as he tried to rid himself of the pictures of Edward. Without saying another word Jacob grabbed a bottle of whiskey and vodka and walked into the master bedroom slamming the door behind him.

Jacob sat on his bed and took a long swing of the vodka in his hand. He wanted to forget so badly. To have to be reminded of Edward's existence in his own home was beyond agonizing for him. Resting the whisky down on the night table he saw another picture of Edward. In this photograph they shared a passionate kiss both of them enthralled in the moment.

He pulled the picture into his hands and stared at it memorizing the curves of Edward's flawless face. Pain tore through his body and he took another sip of his liquor before he realized that he had drunk the whole thing. Lazily he grabbed the whisky and drowned that down in a matter of seconds.

It was seven o'clock at night and Jacob had yet to return from his room. Sam looked around and saw that everybody was dressed waiting for him. He understood that this might be hard for him but it was best he got out to take his mind off of Edward.

"Maybe one of us should go get him," Embry said worriedly. He had hoped things would get better for his friend.

"Yeah, Sam you go," Paul said gesturing towards the closed door. Sam walked towards the door before it swung open and Jacob stood before them in a button up shirt and jeans.

"Ready?" Jacob asked his voice groggy and dragged with exhaustion.

Before any of them could answer the door bell rang. Jacob walked dizzily towards the door and opened it. Coming through was door was a man the same size as Jacob but he had creamed coloured skin, the palest blue eyes that any of them has ever seen and bleach blonde hair that fell into his eyes.

"Hey, Jake, you haven't been home in a while and when I saw your car I thought I'd come and say hi-" Michael abruptly cut himself off when he realized that Jacob had company.

"Oh, sorry" Michael said lamely.

"It's fine, come in," Jacob said pulling the lean muscular man into the house. Jacob ran his hand over his face he felt like shit. "These are my friends from the reservation, that's Sam, Paul, Embry and Quil."

Michael nodded at them before turning back to look at Jacob.

"You don't look so good, hung over again?" Michael asked making his way to the kitchen to make him some coffee. Sam watched as Michael made his way around Jacob's kitchen as if it was his home.

"Yeah," Jacob said rubbing his forehead. "We were just about to head out,"

"Okay, are you sure cause-"

"I'm fine," Jacob snapped at him. Then he sighed realizing that he was being a jackass. "Do you want to come?"

"I don't want to intrude," Michael said smiling.

"Yes you do, that's why you're here." Jacob quipped grabbing his jacket. He grabbed two sets of keys. "I don't have enough room in the Porsche for everyone so Sam, you can take the BMW, and Michael and I will ride in the Porsche." Jacob said throwing the keys at Sam and heading out of the room.

Music blared as they sat at a private table in the back. Knowing the owner of the Club Jacob was able to get everybody in for free.

"Well guys, it's time to find me a nice lady," Embry said getting up and heading towards the dance floor. Quil, Paul, Sam and Jacob all had imprints so we just sat around talking before ordering drinks.

"Jake, I noticed I didn't see Edward with you," Michael said low in Jacob's ear.

"He's out of town," Jacob lied.

"Oh? Again?" Michael probed.

"Yeah, he's really busy." Jacob said hoping that would be the end of the conversation.

"Too bad," Michael said. He couldn't help but stare at the beautiful native next to him. Openly bisexual he had never really taken such a strong interest in a man before he was usually all about one night stands. But Jacob was truly something else. Ever since he moved next door to him Michael had wanted to claim him as his own.

Deep down he knew Jacob would never leave Edward. He had seen them together and the love radiating off of them was almost infectious. It was like they were one soul sharing two bodies. He wished that Jacob would look at him the way he does at Edward.

Edward walked down a long corridor that smelled like urine and blood. The stench wasn't the only thing that made Edward stomach turned. Deep within the long hallway he could hear the thoughts of the person he loathed with his life. The one person he was there to kill.

Victoria.

More of Eddie's POV next chappie.

What do you think about Michael? Is he worth keeping?

Let me know please REVIEW.