Chapter 10
Maximum Payne
The ship had arrived at Peach's castle in no less than 10 minutes. Max unglued himself from the seat, stepped out, and clicked the car alarm on. He approached the front gate guards, who apparently looked impressed by his ride.
"Daaaamn! What is that?" said one.
"Kick @$$ ride!" said the other.
"We've no time for that. Your lives are in danger." Said Max
Their smiles dropped, and they looked at each other.
"That can't be, we heard Bowser got injured recently." Said the first one.
"It's not the usual suspects today. Gentlemen, what I'm about to say may shock you…" he said as he reached inside his pocket for Peach's crown. "Look at this and listen to me carefully."
The guard grabbed it, and examined it, and his jaw dropped open.
"WHERE DID YOU-?" he said
"Peach herself gave it to me. Now listen…" he said as he told them about the oncoming danger.
"Oh no! We can't take those guys by ourselves!" said the second one.
"I don't expect you to. That's my job…" he said as he whipped out his pump-action shotgun. "We gotta get everyone to safety, especially the king. So come on!"
They opened the doors and all went in. The second guard started alerting the castle, while the first one took Max to the king. Max heard some kind of loud bell sound as he ran with the little toad person. They busted into the king's chamber, and gave him quite a start. It wasn't everyday some dude bursts in with a shotgun.
The king, a small mustachioed toad person with a crown, stared at Max, but mainly at the weapon in his hands.
"What is the meaning of this?!" he said
"Your majesty, you're in grave danger…" said Max. He began to calmly explain the situation, and the king looked puzzled.
"But why? Why would they do such a thing now?" he said.
"Hell if I know. All I know is that your daughter sent me to save you." Said Max, as he showed the crown to him. The king examined the crown, and jumped out of his seat.
"Oh my! This really is hers! That means she's safe isn't she? Please tell me how she is, we've been worried sick!" he said
"She's fine. In fact, she's hiding out somewhere, which is what we should be doing now." Said Max
"Where is she hiding?" he said
"I don't know, they couldn't tell me. But that's not important now!" said Max as the alarm bell sounded in their area. "We need to get you to safety! Get to the vault!"
The king knew that he was serious. Peach doesn't just give the vault information to just anyone. She only gives it to those who've been trustworthy. Besides, he just looked cool.
"All right… Sir… I didn't catch your name." he said
"The name's Payne. Max Payne. Come with me if you want to live." He said Terminator style.
The king and his guards started towards the vault, and Max checked around the castle for people who didn't know about the alarm. He made extra sure that every nook and cranny was checked out. Finally he went to the basement with the king again.
"Max Payne? Aren't you the same person who single-handedly took on the mafia?" asked the king
Max half smirked, and nodded. "So you've heard of me? Word spreads I see."
"Quite. Aren't you coming?" he said.
Max shook his head and said," 'Fraid not your highness. I'll be the one shooing them out of the house."
He cocked back his shotgun and slung it over his shoulder. The king looked a little worried. He believed in Max's capabilities, but he wondered if his castle wouldn't turn into a crater war zone first.
Seeing this, he said," Don't worry your majesty, I'll try not to wreck anything."
The king took one last glance before the door shut behind him.
* * *
Zelda and about 5 of her personal troops were heading up the hill to overlook the castle. She motioned for one of them to hand her the binoculars. She took a look around, and noticed most of the lights were turned off. A bit strange since it was so early. She took out her radio and called in to Daisy.
"Daisy, It's me, do you read me? Over." Said Zelda.
"Yea I do…SHHHH be quiet!" she said, apparently talking to someone else too.
"Who's that? Did you get Falcon? Over." Said Zelda.
"Yes, this numbskull is making too much noise." She said.
"You know, you both never told me what we were doing." Zelda heard someone else say.
"Now who was that? Over." Asked Zelda.
"That was his sidekick Johnson. Don't worry about him." Said Daisy
"Just make sure he doesn't get in the way. Now to the plan at hands. You'll make your way in around the right side, and my men and I will sneak in the upper left side. Then Operation Humiliation will commence. Over." Said Zelda.
"Then we do our thing, and you do yours. Then rendezvous back at your place." Said Daisy.
"Roger that. And Daisy? Try and use more radio talk please? At least try and sound professional. Over and out."
Zelda then looked out the binoculars again, making sure no one was there. Suddenly, she noticed a couple of dark shadowy figures sneak in the back door. She watched them closely as they sneaked in, one by one. She couldn't help wonder what they were up to. She motioned for one of her troops to come next to her and take a look. He saw them to, and then he pointed out a bunch of expensive looking cars drive up around the castle. This sparked up some more curiosity in Zelda. She decided to radio in to Daisy.
"Daisy? Did you see those weirdoes go into the castle? And do you see the cars? Over." She said
"I sure do. What is that? Over." Said Daisy.
"I don't know… And who knows what they're up to. Over." Said Zelda
"What if they came for Peach too? Over." said Daisy.
"Or they could be burglars. Over." Said Zelda.
"Maybe…" said Daisy. Just then a horrible thought came to her mind. "Zelda? What if they came to…hurt her?"
Zelda could tell by the worried expression in her voice that she was not playing around. Personally, physically hurting Peach was not what she wanted to do. Far from it. She just wanted to humiliate her, and make her pay for all the humiliation Peach's caused her. Sure she does loose her temper all the time, and fights with her, but it was always the spur of the moment kind of thing. Just then another thought hit her.
What if they came to hurt her, or worse? Even I know she makes a lot of enemies. What could these people want with her? And if they did do something, the blame would probably come to me and Daisy. We do have a bad rivalry history anyway. This could cause a big time war between our kingdoms, and that's the last thing I want…it's not like I care about her… it's just that…well…so I do care, just a bit. But I won't let anyone know. Besides, if anyone has the right to hurt her, it's me. And I won't stand for those intruders. We have to alert the castle, and save this for another day. Yes, we'll save this for… oh, tomorrow.
"Hello? You still there?" said Daisy.
"Yea, sorry. Listen, we need to get in there and stop those guys. They'll ruin everything. We'll save the mission for tomorrow. But for now, we must… ugh, I hate to say it, but save the princess. I mean how bad would it make us look to do this to her while she's injured, or dead even? Over." Said Zelda.
"I was thinking the same thing. So tomorrow it is then? Over." Said Daisy.
"Yes, save it for tomorrow. Let's go. Over and out." Said Zelda.
Zelda and her troops advanced on the sadly dark castle. She couldn't help this feeling like no one was there in the first place; it just looked too quiet. As they approached the back of the upper left hand corner of the castle, she noticed a light turn on in one of the windows. It seemed more like candlelight, but then again, it seemed like a beam of light. She didn't know what that was, but didn't think any more of it.
There was the small moat in the front they still had to pass, and they just so happened to have grapples on them. Zelda and her troops swung their hooks, and latched on to the top of the castle. She and her crew then swung across the moat, and scaled the wall. They pushed open a window and went inside a dark room. They all recoiled their hooks and put it back in their backpacks. She stopped for a sec to breathe the air. She'd never really been out adventuring herself, and frankly she quite enjoyed it.
Why should Link have all the fun? I should do this more often.
She had never felt so alive before. She liked the idea of more adventure, and promised herself to do it more often. Right now she was on top of the world. Everything seemed to be going as planed, and nothing could disturb her in her moment. Everything… except that man who came out of the shadows with a shotgun pointed at her face.
* * *
It looked like the Mafia was just on time. They had their covert ops guys coming in the top floor, just like Max had expected. He was ready though. He caught them off guard, and they had seconds to live.
"P-please don't k-kill me!" said the female one.
"Ha! Funny. I'd laugh if I could remember how." Said Max.
"Really! We're unarmed! You wouldn't shoot an unarmed girl now would you?" she said.
"Looks like you came equipped. Nice pack." Said Max as he nudged at her pack.
"Umm… Princess? What should we-" said one of the stooges in the corner.
"Princess? You're a princess?" said Max.
"Yes. I am. I am Princess Zelda of Hyrule castle." She said.
"Princess Zelda eh? I've heard of you. Peach was telling me all sorts of things about some weird bitchy lady. That's you isn't it?"
She gritted her teeth and resentfully said," Yea… That's me."
He smirked and pointed it at her still.
"In that case, she'd probably want me to wound you, just for breaking and entering." He said.
She started to sweat, and shook nervously. Then they heard a noise outside. It sounded like creeping, or sneaking. The second Max let his guard down, Zelda flicked her magical wrists and a jet of wind shot the gun out of Max's hands.
"HA! Never look away from me, Zelda the great!" she said
Max reached inside his trench coat and pulled out his duel inagrams, then pointed them at her. Being caught off guard, she started sweating and shaking again.
"Zelda the great?" he said with a smirk. "You know, I was just kidding about the wounding part. But just for that I'm going to have to frisk you for weapons, sweetheart."
"WHAT?!" she said.
The guards stirred, and Max pointed the weapons at them. "Look, I don't trust you. I don't trust any of you. If you want me to let you off, you're going to have to cooperate with me. It's standard police procedure."
"But, but…" said Zelda.
"I think you'd better do it." Said one of the guards who was nervously eyeing the guns.
"Don't think I'd let you guys off either. All of you, Hands against the wall, NOW!"
They all did as they were told. Max then patted them all down for concealed weapons.
"You all seem clean. But I don't trust you. I think it's cavity search time."
"WHAT?!" said all of them.
"You heard me, all of you! Drop em! NOW!" he said as he clicked his inagrams.
Reluctantly, all of them dropped their pants and stood in their underwear, facing the wall.
"Well aren't you lucky? I gotta get some white gloves from the kitchen. You stay here, all of you. And if any of you moves so much as a muscle…I'll blow your knee caps off."
Zelda just stood there, shaking in anger. Max quietly locked the door and left the room. He knew exactly what they would do. They'd tell him that they were on his side; they'd want to help him; they'd get in his way; then they'd get killed. He couldn't let innocents get hurt, and it was for their own good anyway. Now to find the intruders.
* * *
Johnson and Daisy were sure they saw someone exit a door. He could only guess that was one of the intruders. Falcon was too busy looking in a mirror he brought, cleaning his teeth. He had this strange feeling he'd be doing all the dirty work against his will again. And he wasn't to far off from that. Daisy grabbed his arm and swung him in front.
"Ok brave Johnson. You take the lead!" she said.
"Wait a minute! I'm the hero here! And I make the decisions!" said Falcon
"Fine," said Johnson. "Be my guest."
"Yes! And as the leader, I say: Willy! Take the lead!" he said.
That was pointless. But he had an ego the size of the Lylat System. He had to feel like he was the boss, or in charge, even if he's not.
So Johnson took the lead. He was a pretty good sneak, and listened closely. He heard voices coming from the room where the man came out. They approached the door with caution, and he placed his ear over it. He heard voices arguing inside.
"So… we're really going to sit here and wait?" said one
"OF COURSE!" said another one. "That guy looks crazy. Who knows what he'll do!"
"Grr… Typical Riffraff!" said a snooty female voice. "That man was only looking for some excuse to see my royal undergarments! And STOP LOOKING YOU!"
"Sorry Princess." Said one.
It sounded like Zelda. They said princess, so it must be her.
"It's Zelda, sounds like they've been captured." Said Johnson.
"By the itchy butt crack of Aphrodite! We must rescue her!" said Falcon.
"It's locked." Said Johnson.
"Then stand back Eugene! FALCON-" he yelled.
Johnson grabbed his arm and said," NO Shhhh! Be quiet! Don't attract attention here!"
"Yes, you're right, good thinking Jeffery." Said Falcon.
Johnson reached inside his side pouch for what he needed. He always carried nifty devices such as: A pen light, a small lock pick set, an electronic lock pick, batteries, and other useful devices. He grabbed his penlight and lock pick, and masterfully unlocked the door. They all stepped in and their mouths dropped open.
There were 5 people wearing black shirts, all with their pants down. Some of them wore hearts on their boxer shorts. Another one wore a thong for some reason, while another wore an exotic tiger bikini bottom. Zelda had the funniest briefs though. Hers was an official "Legend of Zelda" panties, with a big Triforce symbol on her butt, and pictures of her and Link outlined across the elastic. This moment was too much for Johnson and Falcon to resist. They both pulled out their miniature 'Blackmail' cameras and took several pictures.
"Hello?" said Zelda, who didn't turn around.
"Oh Zelda, turn around and smile please." Said Falcon.
"HUA?!" said Zelda as she turned around. When she did, Falcon and Johnson took a snap at her again. "WHAT THE-?"
Daisy couldn't help but start giggling. Johnson and Falcon quickly put their cameras away. And Zelda stood there, in shock.
"HOW-LONG-WERE-YOU-THERE?!" Zelda uttered in sheer horror.
"Not too long, they just came in, and WOW, what a surprise!" said Daisy.
"FOR YOUR INFORMATION! I WAS BEING HELD AGAINST MY WILL! AND FURTHERMORE-!" Zelda yelled.
"SHHHH!!" said Johnson as he covered her mouth. "Shut up you! You wanna attract attention or what?"
Zelda stared at him as though he was the rudest person in the world. She looked him right in the eyes and said," How dare you! Daisy! Who is this little degenerate?!"
"That's Johnson. Falcon's sidekick." Said Daisy.
"Johnson is it?! Well then Mr. Johnson, you've just gotten on my bad side! And you should know, that's not the side you wanna be on. Mark my words you little rapscallion, you'll rue the day you messed with me!"
"Whatever." He said, walking away and waving the back of his hand at her.
She continued to stare at him, for even daring to be insolent to her. But Johnson couldn't care less, there were more important things to do anyway. Suddenly, the silence was broken by the sound of gunfire. Rapid firing semi-automatic weapons.
The shot was so loud and so sudden, that both Daisy and Zelda jumped at the same time into Johnson's arms. Obviously, he wasn't strong enough to carry them both, so they fell and sat on him.
"Ger off e. GERR OFF E" said Johnson with Daisy's back on his face. They got off, and Johnson got up and dusted himself off. Then the gunfire sounded again, and they jumped back on him.
"By the Flaky head crust of Hermes! It sounds like a war zone down there! Quickly Cassidy, we must calm this down… Harold? Hey! Quit fooling around!" said Falcon as he saw the girls sitting on him. "Lucky Dog. And I thought Daisy liked sitting on my face only."
* * *
The mob had pulled out all the stops on this one. Boshis, alien-lizard looking things, and these strange Pig-Cops came along for the ride. They had guns, flamethrowers, and explosives. Luckily the castle was stone and hard to catch fire, but unfortunately he wasn't hard to catch fire.
As Max stood from the top floor looking down at the oncoming mob, he couldn't help wonder who the masked people in black were. He had only gotten a glimpse of them separating. He wished at the moment he had an explosive to throw down there. Instead he got out his duel inagrams, and started firing. He managed to whack about 4 before they sent a return fire. He dogged to the left and kept shoot dodging until he made it to the middle again, and back into the door. He looked around in the guest room to find a place for cover. He quickly grabbed a couple of thick tables and barricaded himself near the door. Suddenly, they burst in from two doors, one from the side, and one from the front. Max used the tables for cover as he dived in and out of his cover to make shots. He took a couple of hits, but it didn't bother him too much, he quickly took his painkillers to heal up. Some of the alien-lizard looking things went to the front row toting the flamethrowers. Max's table would burn with these, and he knew he'd have to make a break for it. He busted open the door as he felt the warmth of the scorching flames behind him. They didn't let up though; they chased him down that hallway. Max had to run backwards and fire at them. The lizard men had pretty thick hides, and headshots worked but were hard to do. A huge jet of flame came his way, and he jumped to the left, narrowly escaping the flame. He sent a return fire back at it.
*BOOM*
He accidentally hit its flame pack instead, causing a big explosion. The shockwave sent him flying into a wall. Slowly he got up, and shook his head. The others were pretty far behind him, so he kept going. Away tactics were always the best when you're outnumbered.
Suddenly, Max noticed that down the hall to his left was one of those masked people. This person was covered in some sort of black thermal suit. They had a mask, and night vision goggles covering the eyes. This person definitely looked like a black-ops. Probably up to something secret, or devious. Whatever it was, it wasn't good.
This person did notice Max. Max noticed the small frame and the chest. This was a female in a suit. She pulled out a silenced pistol at him, and shot. She connected twice before he could even pull out his shotgun. He did move to avoid the third shot, but she was very quick. She charged him, knelt and fired again. Max moved, and returned fire, his first shot missing. He pumped and shot again, missing again. She jumped in midair and somersaulted over Max's head, landing behind him. Before he was able to turn around, she had gotten him again. Luckily for him, the healing was still in process.
Max couldn't continue to fight like this; she was way to fast for him. He evasive dodged until he went behind a door. He heard shots coming and trying to tear through the door. Behind the door, he noticed a strange looking doorstop, he picked it up and said," Fire in the hole!"
He threw it out, and he had gotten the reaction he expected. She moved out of the way to avoid it. He then ran out, and caught her off guard.
*Blam! *
It was over. He was the winner. Somehow, that didn't comfort him. He went over to her stone cold body, and lifted the mask. He revealed the face of a woman. She somehow looked different from the rest. She didn't look like she was from the mob; in fact, She didn't look like she belonged here at all.
She's not from the mob. The style's too different from the mob. I'm willing to bet that whoever these people are, they've got different motives.
He didn't have time to think about it anymore. He took more painkillers, and then moved.
No sooner had he moved, then another black-ops came in. This one was a guy. He noticed the dead one on the floor, then pulled out his rifle. Max dodged into the doorway he was previously going. He then hid behind the doorway to ambush the guy. He followed Max into the doorway, and Max from the side smacked him hard with the butt of his shotgun. He fell on his back, and Max wasted no time in pumping the gun. He was about to fire, but surprisingly the guy was still in the fight, and kicked the gun out of his hands. He rolled up to his feet, pulled out a knife from his boots, and charged Max.
Max grabbed onto his arms, and they locked onto each other. The man backed him against the wall and forced the knife to Max's throat. Closer and closer came the knife, until Max kneed him in the stomach. The guy drew back against the opposite wall, and threw the knife. Max barely moved in time for the knife to hit the wall. The guy pulled out his other knife, and tackled Max. This time, they were on the floor struggling. And once again, he tried to force the knife to Max's face. Max wasn't as strong as this guy, and he was getting closer, and closer to his neck. Max didn't know what else to do. The guy was stronger than him, and the knife was almost on his flesh. Suddenly, the guy was pulled off.
* * *
Falcon and Johnson had noticed people fighting on the floor. Johnson recognized the one on the floor. He was that same guy with Peach when Gannon had asked for the car. Falcon ran to help out, Johnson followed. Falcon grabbed the man off with his great strength. Falcon had his him by the back, and tossed him over to Johnson. As the guy came flying towards Johnson, he readied his arm, and gave him an extremely strong elbow smash. The guy bent backwards, and Johnson turned him around, kneed him in the groin. With his body bent forward now, Johnson grabbed his face, pushed it back, seeped his leg, and he hit the floor hard, knocking all the air out of him.
"Tony! BATTER UP!" said Falcon.
Johnson knew what this meant. They had combos they had both made up. Johnson picked up the guy, who could hardly stand now, and held him by the arm.
"FALCON PUNCH!" yelled Falcon as he Falcon punched the guy. The Fire falcon sent the guy flying. He smashed against the wall making an indention of him.
"Good work Frank." Said Falcon.
The man they saved got up, dusted himself off, and just stared at them both.
"Thanks," he said. "You're that Falcon person right?"
"YES!" said Falcon as he smiled ecstatically. He stood there, as though waiting for a cue. He nudged Johnson and said," Pssst! Say it!"
Johnson was always annoyed by this," And I'm his trusty sidekick Johnson."
"Uh hua," he said, apparently not impressed. "So what are you guys suppose to be in those getups? Superheroes?"
Johnson and Falcon looked at each other, then smirked.
"You could say that. More like superheroes for hire." Said Johnson.
"YES! As long as there is money or sex, WE'LL BE THERE!" said Falcon.
"So what you're saying is," said Max. "You guys are dressed like superheroes for some reason, but are more like mercenaries, or bounty hunters?"
"Don't think of it in a bad way. I mean even Superman had to pay the rent somehow!" said Falcon.
Max smirked and said," I see, but-"
He was interrupted by the sound of gunfire. They all backed up and returned fire, Falcon with his trusty berretta sidearm, and Johnson with his desert eagle. Max took a suicide dive forward at the attackers, which almost made Johnson cry out to him. He handled himself well, nailing each one of the attackers, and crippling them. Max took a leap backwards, again nailing the onslaught of creatures that came from the door.
Johnson didn't know who or what those things were. He glanced at Falcon who, like him, had a puzzled look on his face. He could have sworn though, that one of those creatures looked like a Yoshi.
"MOVE!" yelled Max. A grenade came through the door, and they all ran out the back way.
*BOOM*
They made it safely to the other room. As Johnson got up, he turned around, and stood face to face with none other than Zelda.
"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU GUYS DOING?!" she yelled. "I'm hearing gunfire, explosions, and crashes! What are you doing?!"
"Trying to stay alive if you don't mind!" said Johnson.
"Well try and keep it down won't you?!" she said.
He hoped that she wasn't serious, but apparently she was.
"AND YOU!" said Zelda. "How dare you leave us there like that! And exposing me like that was uncalled for! I-"
"Lady! I don't give a shit about your problems. Right now you either shut up, and cooperate; or face about 40 mobsters, all equipped with guns bigger than mine. The choice is yours." Said Max.
There was a fury inside Zelda that Johnson could tell was just itching to get out. She was just about ready to explode completely. Being a princess, she must not be used to being treated like this. Obviously, her parents had spoiled her rotten. But even Johnson had to admit; she looked pretty hot, even when she was angry.
"There's only 1 thing to do then!" said Falcon. "We must call for reinforcements! Aaron! Prepare the Falcon phone!"
"You have the cell phone dummy!" said Johnson.
Falcon checked his belt, and found it. "Well I'll be! Good work Glenn."
Max looked at Johnson and asked," Out of curiosity, since when did you get so many names?"
"Don't worry about it." Said Johnson. "He's really bad with names. And I mean reeeeelly bad! Although he does remember the names of all the girls he's slept with."
Falcon waited, and someone picked up. Falcon said," Hello! Pizza Hut? Yes, it's me, your favorite customer. Gimme 3 large pizzas, with extra pepperonis, 4 cheeses, and a side of breadsticks to go! And make it snappy!"
He hung up and smiled. Max, Daisy and Zelda stood there, flabbergasted.
"YOU ORDERED PIZZA?! NOW?! WHAT'S THE USE OF THAT?! WHAT THE HELL IS THE PIZZA GUY GOING TO DO?!" Yelled Zelda.
"What is he gonna do? Bleed on them? Then hope they'll trip on it?" said Max.
"Relax guys," said Johnson. "It's today's password for backup."
"Password? Backup?" said Daisy as she shook her head.
"We have a small heroes guild. During an emergency, if we need backup, we give the special code for the day, and help is on the way!" said Falcon with a big toothy grin.
Suddenly, 3 pig cops busted in. Taking everyone by surprise, they all jumped to the floor. Zelda, disgusted by the mutant pigs, shot out a wind spell from her hands. The spell blew the pigs over, making them drop their weapons. Johnson, Falcon, and Max took advantage, and took a couple clean shots at them.
When they walked back, Max gave Zelda a little smirk to show his appreciation. Zelda, returned the smile.
"Impressive," said Max. "My mistake for not letting you come earlier. I apologize."
She folded her arms and said," Well thank you. That's all you had to say."
Even Johnson had to admit, she wasn't bad, just misunderstood at times.
"Wow! Good job Zelda! That didn't suck!" said Daisy.
Zelda's eye twitched as she said that.
"Yes! Very nice work for a scrawny, little, A-cup, lady like yourself!" said Falcon as he saluted her.
Zelda clenched her fists, and looked at Falcon harshly. Johnson interrupted this by saying," Hey, we'd better move now. They're still coming, we gotta hold our grounds somewhere until backup comes."
"I know where," said Max. "There's a staircase that goes to the tower. We'll hit the top floor, and take to the high grounds."
"Sounds like a plan! So, let's get our thumbs out of our asses and go!" said Johnson.
They went down the hallway and up a small flight of stairs. They approached a set of double doors, and heard noises inside.
"What's that?" said Daisy.
"Probably my men," said Zelda. "I told them to wait for me upstairs."
Johnson wasn't so sure though. He grabbed Zelda's wrist to stop her from barging in. He motioned for her to be quiet, then pressed his ear against the door. Inside, he heard the sound of spray painting and laughing. He didn't know what that was, so he told them to ready their weapons. They burst in with their weapons pointed out. Inside was quite a surprise.
* * *
They walked in and saw, none other than; Jak and Daxter; Crash Bandicoot; and the man from Grand Theft Auto 2. They had all broken in through a window on the side. Each one of them had a can of spray paint in their hands, spraying very rude and inappropriate messages on the wall about Nintendo. They were obviously vandals, and very zealous about the rivalry between the Nintendo universe and Playstation universe. Their sudden presence had startled them so much, that they dropped their cans and raised their hands.
"Aaaah! Don't shoot!" said Daxter, the little prairie dog looking thing. Jak was a young looking adventurer with elf ears like Zelda's. Zelda didn't approve him although.
"Well, well. If it isn't Timon and Pumba." Said Zelda.
"Eh, it's Daxter and Jak." Corrected Daxter.
"Bah!" said Zelda. "Same thing!"
Zelda wouldn't normally have minded vandalizing Peach's castle, but the fact that it was from Playstation, the fact that the writing applied to all Nintendo, and the fact that it applied especially to her, made her angry.
Max however had his eye on the man from Grand Theft Auto. And Falcon kept eyeing Crash Bandicoot. Max slowly walked up to the guy with his shotgun pointed at him and said," I've been looking for your ass for a long time. Now I've got you, caught in the act. Out of everything you've done, I thought vandalism was on the bottom of your list."
"I swear! We don't know this guy!" said Crash "He suddenly joined up with us as we came! I don't know him!"
"I'm not interested, there's a 5 million dollar reward on this guy. And I've finally got you."
"WAIT A MINUTE!" said Falcon. "FIFTY MILLION BIG ONES?! On this guy?… Hey! Now I remember hearing about this guy! Well since we helped out, how's about we spit that reward?"
"No dice," said Max. "I've spent too long tracking him. This one's mine boys."
"Now wait just a minute!" said Daisy. "We helped too! We want some money!"
"Yea! I ought to charge you for this!" said Falcon.
Zelda smirked as they argued. They didn't know that she had a limitless supply of money in her kingdom. All they'd have to do is kill a couple of monsters and they drop rubies. She turned her head to the window as she crossed her arms. She looked out and saw something strange. It looked like a bunch of flying turtles, each carrying something big and black. In front, she saw a big flying machine with a clown face painted on it. Inside was a Koopa with a magic wand in his hands. She recognized this as the Koopa Troopa. Except Bowser wasn't there for some reason, it was one of his seven children. This one happened to be named Wendy Koopa, a very ugly looking female Koopa with an annoying voice. Zelda didn't know too much about them, but she did know they were trouble, and heading this way.
Max was searching that guy, and he pulled out a note that read: From the boss, we have a job tonight going down at the Mushroom kingdom. Meet us there, and we'll give ya a piece if you need it. We want you to go inside and take care of business. Get in any way you can, just stop any resistance we got there. We don't want any freakin' problems goin' on. You've always done good on the job, so doos us proud. –Watoad
"So, you work for them eh? This'll be fun." Said Max.
"Uhh, guys?" said Zelda.
"Not now! We're discussing how we'll spit the reward!" said Falcon.
"Guys!" she said louder.
Max started marching the guy towards the door. Zelda noticed a barrage of black bullet things being fired from the turtles holding cannons. She'd heard they were called Bullet Bills, but it didn't matter because they were headed this way.
"GUYS! WE'RE GETTING SHOT AT!" she yelled as she pointed out where.
"Oh SHIT!" said everyone else.
Everyone ran for the door on the opposite side of the room. The man however, jumped out the window, escaping everyone. Max was about to chase after him, but he had to cross the room since he ran the opposite direction. He didn't have enough time to avoid the shots, and turned back.
*BOOM*
The shockwave of the exploding bullet bills sent Max flying through the door. They checked if he was all right, and started running. The Koopa troopa must have been seriously pissed off for them to do such a thing. They didn't stop there though, shots kept hitting the corners and blowing holes in the sides.
Suddenly, they heard the sound of gunfire outside. As they passed by another window, Zelda had another glimpse of what had happened. The mob had shot at the flying Koopa Troopa. That wasn't all though, there was a small ground brigade of the Koopa Troopa coming from the front. Then, coming from the opposite side, she noticed a small brigade of soldiers, whom she recognized as her own troops. It looked like her father had suspected something and went looking for her, but either way, this was not the place for them to be.
"GUYS!" yelled Zelda again. "LOOK!"
Everyone's jaw dropped as they saw what was happening outside. The Hyrule troops had noticed a war zone at the castle. The leader drew his sword, pointed and probably told them to charge. Hyrule and the Mushroom Kingdom were allies after all. To top it off, they heard the sound of a different helicopter above their heads. The chopper circled the castle, then was shot down by the mob. The pilot and the passengers had ejected in time. They heard sounds on the roof, which was right above them.
"It's them!" said Falcon. "Our backup is here!"
"Good, this place is turning into a hell hole." Said Max. "And as for you, I'd suggest staying out of the way. We'll deal with you later."
Jak, Daxter, and Crash all shook their heads.
"Falcon, we'd better tell them where we are." Said Johnson, talking about the people on the roof.
"Good thinking Dexter. Let's do." Said Falcon.
Falcon and Johnson didn't go far, because their guests had appeared before them that second. There was three people standing there, they were: Juno, from his Jet Force Gemini; Joanne Dark, Mega Man, and none other than Duke Nukem.
"Those alien bastards are gonna pay for shooting up my ride!" said Nukem.
Juno nodded and held up his weapon.
"Ready to kick butt!" said Mega Man.
They all smiled as they met their new comrades. Zelda noticed Max touch something in his ear and talk.
"Uhh, Peach?… Yea I know…Uh hua…Ok listen…Yea I know!" he said. "Ok, about the castle…Well…You're not gonna believe this…"
Maximum Payne
The ship had arrived at Peach's castle in no less than 10 minutes. Max unglued himself from the seat, stepped out, and clicked the car alarm on. He approached the front gate guards, who apparently looked impressed by his ride.
"Daaaamn! What is that?" said one.
"Kick @$$ ride!" said the other.
"We've no time for that. Your lives are in danger." Said Max
Their smiles dropped, and they looked at each other.
"That can't be, we heard Bowser got injured recently." Said the first one.
"It's not the usual suspects today. Gentlemen, what I'm about to say may shock you…" he said as he reached inside his pocket for Peach's crown. "Look at this and listen to me carefully."
The guard grabbed it, and examined it, and his jaw dropped open.
"WHERE DID YOU-?" he said
"Peach herself gave it to me. Now listen…" he said as he told them about the oncoming danger.
"Oh no! We can't take those guys by ourselves!" said the second one.
"I don't expect you to. That's my job…" he said as he whipped out his pump-action shotgun. "We gotta get everyone to safety, especially the king. So come on!"
They opened the doors and all went in. The second guard started alerting the castle, while the first one took Max to the king. Max heard some kind of loud bell sound as he ran with the little toad person. They busted into the king's chamber, and gave him quite a start. It wasn't everyday some dude bursts in with a shotgun.
The king, a small mustachioed toad person with a crown, stared at Max, but mainly at the weapon in his hands.
"What is the meaning of this?!" he said
"Your majesty, you're in grave danger…" said Max. He began to calmly explain the situation, and the king looked puzzled.
"But why? Why would they do such a thing now?" he said.
"Hell if I know. All I know is that your daughter sent me to save you." Said Max, as he showed the crown to him. The king examined the crown, and jumped out of his seat.
"Oh my! This really is hers! That means she's safe isn't she? Please tell me how she is, we've been worried sick!" he said
"She's fine. In fact, she's hiding out somewhere, which is what we should be doing now." Said Max
"Where is she hiding?" he said
"I don't know, they couldn't tell me. But that's not important now!" said Max as the alarm bell sounded in their area. "We need to get you to safety! Get to the vault!"
The king knew that he was serious. Peach doesn't just give the vault information to just anyone. She only gives it to those who've been trustworthy. Besides, he just looked cool.
"All right… Sir… I didn't catch your name." he said
"The name's Payne. Max Payne. Come with me if you want to live." He said Terminator style.
The king and his guards started towards the vault, and Max checked around the castle for people who didn't know about the alarm. He made extra sure that every nook and cranny was checked out. Finally he went to the basement with the king again.
"Max Payne? Aren't you the same person who single-handedly took on the mafia?" asked the king
Max half smirked, and nodded. "So you've heard of me? Word spreads I see."
"Quite. Aren't you coming?" he said.
Max shook his head and said," 'Fraid not your highness. I'll be the one shooing them out of the house."
He cocked back his shotgun and slung it over his shoulder. The king looked a little worried. He believed in Max's capabilities, but he wondered if his castle wouldn't turn into a crater war zone first.
Seeing this, he said," Don't worry your majesty, I'll try not to wreck anything."
The king took one last glance before the door shut behind him.
* * *
Zelda and about 5 of her personal troops were heading up the hill to overlook the castle. She motioned for one of them to hand her the binoculars. She took a look around, and noticed most of the lights were turned off. A bit strange since it was so early. She took out her radio and called in to Daisy.
"Daisy, It's me, do you read me? Over." Said Zelda.
"Yea I do…SHHHH be quiet!" she said, apparently talking to someone else too.
"Who's that? Did you get Falcon? Over." Said Zelda.
"Yes, this numbskull is making too much noise." She said.
"You know, you both never told me what we were doing." Zelda heard someone else say.
"Now who was that? Over." Asked Zelda.
"That was his sidekick Johnson. Don't worry about him." Said Daisy
"Just make sure he doesn't get in the way. Now to the plan at hands. You'll make your way in around the right side, and my men and I will sneak in the upper left side. Then Operation Humiliation will commence. Over." Said Zelda.
"Then we do our thing, and you do yours. Then rendezvous back at your place." Said Daisy.
"Roger that. And Daisy? Try and use more radio talk please? At least try and sound professional. Over and out."
Zelda then looked out the binoculars again, making sure no one was there. Suddenly, she noticed a couple of dark shadowy figures sneak in the back door. She watched them closely as they sneaked in, one by one. She couldn't help wonder what they were up to. She motioned for one of her troops to come next to her and take a look. He saw them to, and then he pointed out a bunch of expensive looking cars drive up around the castle. This sparked up some more curiosity in Zelda. She decided to radio in to Daisy.
"Daisy? Did you see those weirdoes go into the castle? And do you see the cars? Over." She said
"I sure do. What is that? Over." Said Daisy.
"I don't know… And who knows what they're up to. Over." Said Zelda
"What if they came for Peach too? Over." said Daisy.
"Or they could be burglars. Over." Said Zelda.
"Maybe…" said Daisy. Just then a horrible thought came to her mind. "Zelda? What if they came to…hurt her?"
Zelda could tell by the worried expression in her voice that she was not playing around. Personally, physically hurting Peach was not what she wanted to do. Far from it. She just wanted to humiliate her, and make her pay for all the humiliation Peach's caused her. Sure she does loose her temper all the time, and fights with her, but it was always the spur of the moment kind of thing. Just then another thought hit her.
What if they came to hurt her, or worse? Even I know she makes a lot of enemies. What could these people want with her? And if they did do something, the blame would probably come to me and Daisy. We do have a bad rivalry history anyway. This could cause a big time war between our kingdoms, and that's the last thing I want…it's not like I care about her… it's just that…well…so I do care, just a bit. But I won't let anyone know. Besides, if anyone has the right to hurt her, it's me. And I won't stand for those intruders. We have to alert the castle, and save this for another day. Yes, we'll save this for… oh, tomorrow.
"Hello? You still there?" said Daisy.
"Yea, sorry. Listen, we need to get in there and stop those guys. They'll ruin everything. We'll save the mission for tomorrow. But for now, we must… ugh, I hate to say it, but save the princess. I mean how bad would it make us look to do this to her while she's injured, or dead even? Over." Said Zelda.
"I was thinking the same thing. So tomorrow it is then? Over." Said Daisy.
"Yes, save it for tomorrow. Let's go. Over and out." Said Zelda.
Zelda and her troops advanced on the sadly dark castle. She couldn't help this feeling like no one was there in the first place; it just looked too quiet. As they approached the back of the upper left hand corner of the castle, she noticed a light turn on in one of the windows. It seemed more like candlelight, but then again, it seemed like a beam of light. She didn't know what that was, but didn't think any more of it.
There was the small moat in the front they still had to pass, and they just so happened to have grapples on them. Zelda and her troops swung their hooks, and latched on to the top of the castle. She and her crew then swung across the moat, and scaled the wall. They pushed open a window and went inside a dark room. They all recoiled their hooks and put it back in their backpacks. She stopped for a sec to breathe the air. She'd never really been out adventuring herself, and frankly she quite enjoyed it.
Why should Link have all the fun? I should do this more often.
She had never felt so alive before. She liked the idea of more adventure, and promised herself to do it more often. Right now she was on top of the world. Everything seemed to be going as planed, and nothing could disturb her in her moment. Everything… except that man who came out of the shadows with a shotgun pointed at her face.
* * *
It looked like the Mafia was just on time. They had their covert ops guys coming in the top floor, just like Max had expected. He was ready though. He caught them off guard, and they had seconds to live.
"P-please don't k-kill me!" said the female one.
"Ha! Funny. I'd laugh if I could remember how." Said Max.
"Really! We're unarmed! You wouldn't shoot an unarmed girl now would you?" she said.
"Looks like you came equipped. Nice pack." Said Max as he nudged at her pack.
"Umm… Princess? What should we-" said one of the stooges in the corner.
"Princess? You're a princess?" said Max.
"Yes. I am. I am Princess Zelda of Hyrule castle." She said.
"Princess Zelda eh? I've heard of you. Peach was telling me all sorts of things about some weird bitchy lady. That's you isn't it?"
She gritted her teeth and resentfully said," Yea… That's me."
He smirked and pointed it at her still.
"In that case, she'd probably want me to wound you, just for breaking and entering." He said.
She started to sweat, and shook nervously. Then they heard a noise outside. It sounded like creeping, or sneaking. The second Max let his guard down, Zelda flicked her magical wrists and a jet of wind shot the gun out of Max's hands.
"HA! Never look away from me, Zelda the great!" she said
Max reached inside his trench coat and pulled out his duel inagrams, then pointed them at her. Being caught off guard, she started sweating and shaking again.
"Zelda the great?" he said with a smirk. "You know, I was just kidding about the wounding part. But just for that I'm going to have to frisk you for weapons, sweetheart."
"WHAT?!" she said.
The guards stirred, and Max pointed the weapons at them. "Look, I don't trust you. I don't trust any of you. If you want me to let you off, you're going to have to cooperate with me. It's standard police procedure."
"But, but…" said Zelda.
"I think you'd better do it." Said one of the guards who was nervously eyeing the guns.
"Don't think I'd let you guys off either. All of you, Hands against the wall, NOW!"
They all did as they were told. Max then patted them all down for concealed weapons.
"You all seem clean. But I don't trust you. I think it's cavity search time."
"WHAT?!" said all of them.
"You heard me, all of you! Drop em! NOW!" he said as he clicked his inagrams.
Reluctantly, all of them dropped their pants and stood in their underwear, facing the wall.
"Well aren't you lucky? I gotta get some white gloves from the kitchen. You stay here, all of you. And if any of you moves so much as a muscle…I'll blow your knee caps off."
Zelda just stood there, shaking in anger. Max quietly locked the door and left the room. He knew exactly what they would do. They'd tell him that they were on his side; they'd want to help him; they'd get in his way; then they'd get killed. He couldn't let innocents get hurt, and it was for their own good anyway. Now to find the intruders.
* * *
Johnson and Daisy were sure they saw someone exit a door. He could only guess that was one of the intruders. Falcon was too busy looking in a mirror he brought, cleaning his teeth. He had this strange feeling he'd be doing all the dirty work against his will again. And he wasn't to far off from that. Daisy grabbed his arm and swung him in front.
"Ok brave Johnson. You take the lead!" she said.
"Wait a minute! I'm the hero here! And I make the decisions!" said Falcon
"Fine," said Johnson. "Be my guest."
"Yes! And as the leader, I say: Willy! Take the lead!" he said.
That was pointless. But he had an ego the size of the Lylat System. He had to feel like he was the boss, or in charge, even if he's not.
So Johnson took the lead. He was a pretty good sneak, and listened closely. He heard voices coming from the room where the man came out. They approached the door with caution, and he placed his ear over it. He heard voices arguing inside.
"So… we're really going to sit here and wait?" said one
"OF COURSE!" said another one. "That guy looks crazy. Who knows what he'll do!"
"Grr… Typical Riffraff!" said a snooty female voice. "That man was only looking for some excuse to see my royal undergarments! And STOP LOOKING YOU!"
"Sorry Princess." Said one.
It sounded like Zelda. They said princess, so it must be her.
"It's Zelda, sounds like they've been captured." Said Johnson.
"By the itchy butt crack of Aphrodite! We must rescue her!" said Falcon.
"It's locked." Said Johnson.
"Then stand back Eugene! FALCON-" he yelled.
Johnson grabbed his arm and said," NO Shhhh! Be quiet! Don't attract attention here!"
"Yes, you're right, good thinking Jeffery." Said Falcon.
Johnson reached inside his side pouch for what he needed. He always carried nifty devices such as: A pen light, a small lock pick set, an electronic lock pick, batteries, and other useful devices. He grabbed his penlight and lock pick, and masterfully unlocked the door. They all stepped in and their mouths dropped open.
There were 5 people wearing black shirts, all with their pants down. Some of them wore hearts on their boxer shorts. Another one wore a thong for some reason, while another wore an exotic tiger bikini bottom. Zelda had the funniest briefs though. Hers was an official "Legend of Zelda" panties, with a big Triforce symbol on her butt, and pictures of her and Link outlined across the elastic. This moment was too much for Johnson and Falcon to resist. They both pulled out their miniature 'Blackmail' cameras and took several pictures.
"Hello?" said Zelda, who didn't turn around.
"Oh Zelda, turn around and smile please." Said Falcon.
"HUA?!" said Zelda as she turned around. When she did, Falcon and Johnson took a snap at her again. "WHAT THE-?"
Daisy couldn't help but start giggling. Johnson and Falcon quickly put their cameras away. And Zelda stood there, in shock.
"HOW-LONG-WERE-YOU-THERE?!" Zelda uttered in sheer horror.
"Not too long, they just came in, and WOW, what a surprise!" said Daisy.
"FOR YOUR INFORMATION! I WAS BEING HELD AGAINST MY WILL! AND FURTHERMORE-!" Zelda yelled.
"SHHHH!!" said Johnson as he covered her mouth. "Shut up you! You wanna attract attention or what?"
Zelda stared at him as though he was the rudest person in the world. She looked him right in the eyes and said," How dare you! Daisy! Who is this little degenerate?!"
"That's Johnson. Falcon's sidekick." Said Daisy.
"Johnson is it?! Well then Mr. Johnson, you've just gotten on my bad side! And you should know, that's not the side you wanna be on. Mark my words you little rapscallion, you'll rue the day you messed with me!"
"Whatever." He said, walking away and waving the back of his hand at her.
She continued to stare at him, for even daring to be insolent to her. But Johnson couldn't care less, there were more important things to do anyway. Suddenly, the silence was broken by the sound of gunfire. Rapid firing semi-automatic weapons.
The shot was so loud and so sudden, that both Daisy and Zelda jumped at the same time into Johnson's arms. Obviously, he wasn't strong enough to carry them both, so they fell and sat on him.
"Ger off e. GERR OFF E" said Johnson with Daisy's back on his face. They got off, and Johnson got up and dusted himself off. Then the gunfire sounded again, and they jumped back on him.
"By the Flaky head crust of Hermes! It sounds like a war zone down there! Quickly Cassidy, we must calm this down… Harold? Hey! Quit fooling around!" said Falcon as he saw the girls sitting on him. "Lucky Dog. And I thought Daisy liked sitting on my face only."
* * *
The mob had pulled out all the stops on this one. Boshis, alien-lizard looking things, and these strange Pig-Cops came along for the ride. They had guns, flamethrowers, and explosives. Luckily the castle was stone and hard to catch fire, but unfortunately he wasn't hard to catch fire.
As Max stood from the top floor looking down at the oncoming mob, he couldn't help wonder who the masked people in black were. He had only gotten a glimpse of them separating. He wished at the moment he had an explosive to throw down there. Instead he got out his duel inagrams, and started firing. He managed to whack about 4 before they sent a return fire. He dogged to the left and kept shoot dodging until he made it to the middle again, and back into the door. He looked around in the guest room to find a place for cover. He quickly grabbed a couple of thick tables and barricaded himself near the door. Suddenly, they burst in from two doors, one from the side, and one from the front. Max used the tables for cover as he dived in and out of his cover to make shots. He took a couple of hits, but it didn't bother him too much, he quickly took his painkillers to heal up. Some of the alien-lizard looking things went to the front row toting the flamethrowers. Max's table would burn with these, and he knew he'd have to make a break for it. He busted open the door as he felt the warmth of the scorching flames behind him. They didn't let up though; they chased him down that hallway. Max had to run backwards and fire at them. The lizard men had pretty thick hides, and headshots worked but were hard to do. A huge jet of flame came his way, and he jumped to the left, narrowly escaping the flame. He sent a return fire back at it.
*BOOM*
He accidentally hit its flame pack instead, causing a big explosion. The shockwave sent him flying into a wall. Slowly he got up, and shook his head. The others were pretty far behind him, so he kept going. Away tactics were always the best when you're outnumbered.
Suddenly, Max noticed that down the hall to his left was one of those masked people. This person was covered in some sort of black thermal suit. They had a mask, and night vision goggles covering the eyes. This person definitely looked like a black-ops. Probably up to something secret, or devious. Whatever it was, it wasn't good.
This person did notice Max. Max noticed the small frame and the chest. This was a female in a suit. She pulled out a silenced pistol at him, and shot. She connected twice before he could even pull out his shotgun. He did move to avoid the third shot, but she was very quick. She charged him, knelt and fired again. Max moved, and returned fire, his first shot missing. He pumped and shot again, missing again. She jumped in midair and somersaulted over Max's head, landing behind him. Before he was able to turn around, she had gotten him again. Luckily for him, the healing was still in process.
Max couldn't continue to fight like this; she was way to fast for him. He evasive dodged until he went behind a door. He heard shots coming and trying to tear through the door. Behind the door, he noticed a strange looking doorstop, he picked it up and said," Fire in the hole!"
He threw it out, and he had gotten the reaction he expected. She moved out of the way to avoid it. He then ran out, and caught her off guard.
*Blam! *
It was over. He was the winner. Somehow, that didn't comfort him. He went over to her stone cold body, and lifted the mask. He revealed the face of a woman. She somehow looked different from the rest. She didn't look like she was from the mob; in fact, She didn't look like she belonged here at all.
She's not from the mob. The style's too different from the mob. I'm willing to bet that whoever these people are, they've got different motives.
He didn't have time to think about it anymore. He took more painkillers, and then moved.
No sooner had he moved, then another black-ops came in. This one was a guy. He noticed the dead one on the floor, then pulled out his rifle. Max dodged into the doorway he was previously going. He then hid behind the doorway to ambush the guy. He followed Max into the doorway, and Max from the side smacked him hard with the butt of his shotgun. He fell on his back, and Max wasted no time in pumping the gun. He was about to fire, but surprisingly the guy was still in the fight, and kicked the gun out of his hands. He rolled up to his feet, pulled out a knife from his boots, and charged Max.
Max grabbed onto his arms, and they locked onto each other. The man backed him against the wall and forced the knife to Max's throat. Closer and closer came the knife, until Max kneed him in the stomach. The guy drew back against the opposite wall, and threw the knife. Max barely moved in time for the knife to hit the wall. The guy pulled out his other knife, and tackled Max. This time, they were on the floor struggling. And once again, he tried to force the knife to Max's face. Max wasn't as strong as this guy, and he was getting closer, and closer to his neck. Max didn't know what else to do. The guy was stronger than him, and the knife was almost on his flesh. Suddenly, the guy was pulled off.
* * *
Falcon and Johnson had noticed people fighting on the floor. Johnson recognized the one on the floor. He was that same guy with Peach when Gannon had asked for the car. Falcon ran to help out, Johnson followed. Falcon grabbed the man off with his great strength. Falcon had his him by the back, and tossed him over to Johnson. As the guy came flying towards Johnson, he readied his arm, and gave him an extremely strong elbow smash. The guy bent backwards, and Johnson turned him around, kneed him in the groin. With his body bent forward now, Johnson grabbed his face, pushed it back, seeped his leg, and he hit the floor hard, knocking all the air out of him.
"Tony! BATTER UP!" said Falcon.
Johnson knew what this meant. They had combos they had both made up. Johnson picked up the guy, who could hardly stand now, and held him by the arm.
"FALCON PUNCH!" yelled Falcon as he Falcon punched the guy. The Fire falcon sent the guy flying. He smashed against the wall making an indention of him.
"Good work Frank." Said Falcon.
The man they saved got up, dusted himself off, and just stared at them both.
"Thanks," he said. "You're that Falcon person right?"
"YES!" said Falcon as he smiled ecstatically. He stood there, as though waiting for a cue. He nudged Johnson and said," Pssst! Say it!"
Johnson was always annoyed by this," And I'm his trusty sidekick Johnson."
"Uh hua," he said, apparently not impressed. "So what are you guys suppose to be in those getups? Superheroes?"
Johnson and Falcon looked at each other, then smirked.
"You could say that. More like superheroes for hire." Said Johnson.
"YES! As long as there is money or sex, WE'LL BE THERE!" said Falcon.
"So what you're saying is," said Max. "You guys are dressed like superheroes for some reason, but are more like mercenaries, or bounty hunters?"
"Don't think of it in a bad way. I mean even Superman had to pay the rent somehow!" said Falcon.
Max smirked and said," I see, but-"
He was interrupted by the sound of gunfire. They all backed up and returned fire, Falcon with his trusty berretta sidearm, and Johnson with his desert eagle. Max took a suicide dive forward at the attackers, which almost made Johnson cry out to him. He handled himself well, nailing each one of the attackers, and crippling them. Max took a leap backwards, again nailing the onslaught of creatures that came from the door.
Johnson didn't know who or what those things were. He glanced at Falcon who, like him, had a puzzled look on his face. He could have sworn though, that one of those creatures looked like a Yoshi.
"MOVE!" yelled Max. A grenade came through the door, and they all ran out the back way.
*BOOM*
They made it safely to the other room. As Johnson got up, he turned around, and stood face to face with none other than Zelda.
"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU GUYS DOING?!" she yelled. "I'm hearing gunfire, explosions, and crashes! What are you doing?!"
"Trying to stay alive if you don't mind!" said Johnson.
"Well try and keep it down won't you?!" she said.
He hoped that she wasn't serious, but apparently she was.
"AND YOU!" said Zelda. "How dare you leave us there like that! And exposing me like that was uncalled for! I-"
"Lady! I don't give a shit about your problems. Right now you either shut up, and cooperate; or face about 40 mobsters, all equipped with guns bigger than mine. The choice is yours." Said Max.
There was a fury inside Zelda that Johnson could tell was just itching to get out. She was just about ready to explode completely. Being a princess, she must not be used to being treated like this. Obviously, her parents had spoiled her rotten. But even Johnson had to admit; she looked pretty hot, even when she was angry.
"There's only 1 thing to do then!" said Falcon. "We must call for reinforcements! Aaron! Prepare the Falcon phone!"
"You have the cell phone dummy!" said Johnson.
Falcon checked his belt, and found it. "Well I'll be! Good work Glenn."
Max looked at Johnson and asked," Out of curiosity, since when did you get so many names?"
"Don't worry about it." Said Johnson. "He's really bad with names. And I mean reeeeelly bad! Although he does remember the names of all the girls he's slept with."
Falcon waited, and someone picked up. Falcon said," Hello! Pizza Hut? Yes, it's me, your favorite customer. Gimme 3 large pizzas, with extra pepperonis, 4 cheeses, and a side of breadsticks to go! And make it snappy!"
He hung up and smiled. Max, Daisy and Zelda stood there, flabbergasted.
"YOU ORDERED PIZZA?! NOW?! WHAT'S THE USE OF THAT?! WHAT THE HELL IS THE PIZZA GUY GOING TO DO?!" Yelled Zelda.
"What is he gonna do? Bleed on them? Then hope they'll trip on it?" said Max.
"Relax guys," said Johnson. "It's today's password for backup."
"Password? Backup?" said Daisy as she shook her head.
"We have a small heroes guild. During an emergency, if we need backup, we give the special code for the day, and help is on the way!" said Falcon with a big toothy grin.
Suddenly, 3 pig cops busted in. Taking everyone by surprise, they all jumped to the floor. Zelda, disgusted by the mutant pigs, shot out a wind spell from her hands. The spell blew the pigs over, making them drop their weapons. Johnson, Falcon, and Max took advantage, and took a couple clean shots at them.
When they walked back, Max gave Zelda a little smirk to show his appreciation. Zelda, returned the smile.
"Impressive," said Max. "My mistake for not letting you come earlier. I apologize."
She folded her arms and said," Well thank you. That's all you had to say."
Even Johnson had to admit, she wasn't bad, just misunderstood at times.
"Wow! Good job Zelda! That didn't suck!" said Daisy.
Zelda's eye twitched as she said that.
"Yes! Very nice work for a scrawny, little, A-cup, lady like yourself!" said Falcon as he saluted her.
Zelda clenched her fists, and looked at Falcon harshly. Johnson interrupted this by saying," Hey, we'd better move now. They're still coming, we gotta hold our grounds somewhere until backup comes."
"I know where," said Max. "There's a staircase that goes to the tower. We'll hit the top floor, and take to the high grounds."
"Sounds like a plan! So, let's get our thumbs out of our asses and go!" said Johnson.
They went down the hallway and up a small flight of stairs. They approached a set of double doors, and heard noises inside.
"What's that?" said Daisy.
"Probably my men," said Zelda. "I told them to wait for me upstairs."
Johnson wasn't so sure though. He grabbed Zelda's wrist to stop her from barging in. He motioned for her to be quiet, then pressed his ear against the door. Inside, he heard the sound of spray painting and laughing. He didn't know what that was, so he told them to ready their weapons. They burst in with their weapons pointed out. Inside was quite a surprise.
* * *
They walked in and saw, none other than; Jak and Daxter; Crash Bandicoot; and the man from Grand Theft Auto 2. They had all broken in through a window on the side. Each one of them had a can of spray paint in their hands, spraying very rude and inappropriate messages on the wall about Nintendo. They were obviously vandals, and very zealous about the rivalry between the Nintendo universe and Playstation universe. Their sudden presence had startled them so much, that they dropped their cans and raised their hands.
"Aaaah! Don't shoot!" said Daxter, the little prairie dog looking thing. Jak was a young looking adventurer with elf ears like Zelda's. Zelda didn't approve him although.
"Well, well. If it isn't Timon and Pumba." Said Zelda.
"Eh, it's Daxter and Jak." Corrected Daxter.
"Bah!" said Zelda. "Same thing!"
Zelda wouldn't normally have minded vandalizing Peach's castle, but the fact that it was from Playstation, the fact that the writing applied to all Nintendo, and the fact that it applied especially to her, made her angry.
Max however had his eye on the man from Grand Theft Auto. And Falcon kept eyeing Crash Bandicoot. Max slowly walked up to the guy with his shotgun pointed at him and said," I've been looking for your ass for a long time. Now I've got you, caught in the act. Out of everything you've done, I thought vandalism was on the bottom of your list."
"I swear! We don't know this guy!" said Crash "He suddenly joined up with us as we came! I don't know him!"
"I'm not interested, there's a 5 million dollar reward on this guy. And I've finally got you."
"WAIT A MINUTE!" said Falcon. "FIFTY MILLION BIG ONES?! On this guy?… Hey! Now I remember hearing about this guy! Well since we helped out, how's about we spit that reward?"
"No dice," said Max. "I've spent too long tracking him. This one's mine boys."
"Now wait just a minute!" said Daisy. "We helped too! We want some money!"
"Yea! I ought to charge you for this!" said Falcon.
Zelda smirked as they argued. They didn't know that she had a limitless supply of money in her kingdom. All they'd have to do is kill a couple of monsters and they drop rubies. She turned her head to the window as she crossed her arms. She looked out and saw something strange. It looked like a bunch of flying turtles, each carrying something big and black. In front, she saw a big flying machine with a clown face painted on it. Inside was a Koopa with a magic wand in his hands. She recognized this as the Koopa Troopa. Except Bowser wasn't there for some reason, it was one of his seven children. This one happened to be named Wendy Koopa, a very ugly looking female Koopa with an annoying voice. Zelda didn't know too much about them, but she did know they were trouble, and heading this way.
Max was searching that guy, and he pulled out a note that read: From the boss, we have a job tonight going down at the Mushroom kingdom. Meet us there, and we'll give ya a piece if you need it. We want you to go inside and take care of business. Get in any way you can, just stop any resistance we got there. We don't want any freakin' problems goin' on. You've always done good on the job, so doos us proud. –Watoad
"So, you work for them eh? This'll be fun." Said Max.
"Uhh, guys?" said Zelda.
"Not now! We're discussing how we'll spit the reward!" said Falcon.
"Guys!" she said louder.
Max started marching the guy towards the door. Zelda noticed a barrage of black bullet things being fired from the turtles holding cannons. She'd heard they were called Bullet Bills, but it didn't matter because they were headed this way.
"GUYS! WE'RE GETTING SHOT AT!" she yelled as she pointed out where.
"Oh SHIT!" said everyone else.
Everyone ran for the door on the opposite side of the room. The man however, jumped out the window, escaping everyone. Max was about to chase after him, but he had to cross the room since he ran the opposite direction. He didn't have enough time to avoid the shots, and turned back.
*BOOM*
The shockwave of the exploding bullet bills sent Max flying through the door. They checked if he was all right, and started running. The Koopa troopa must have been seriously pissed off for them to do such a thing. They didn't stop there though, shots kept hitting the corners and blowing holes in the sides.
Suddenly, they heard the sound of gunfire outside. As they passed by another window, Zelda had another glimpse of what had happened. The mob had shot at the flying Koopa Troopa. That wasn't all though, there was a small ground brigade of the Koopa Troopa coming from the front. Then, coming from the opposite side, she noticed a small brigade of soldiers, whom she recognized as her own troops. It looked like her father had suspected something and went looking for her, but either way, this was not the place for them to be.
"GUYS!" yelled Zelda again. "LOOK!"
Everyone's jaw dropped as they saw what was happening outside. The Hyrule troops had noticed a war zone at the castle. The leader drew his sword, pointed and probably told them to charge. Hyrule and the Mushroom Kingdom were allies after all. To top it off, they heard the sound of a different helicopter above their heads. The chopper circled the castle, then was shot down by the mob. The pilot and the passengers had ejected in time. They heard sounds on the roof, which was right above them.
"It's them!" said Falcon. "Our backup is here!"
"Good, this place is turning into a hell hole." Said Max. "And as for you, I'd suggest staying out of the way. We'll deal with you later."
Jak, Daxter, and Crash all shook their heads.
"Falcon, we'd better tell them where we are." Said Johnson, talking about the people on the roof.
"Good thinking Dexter. Let's do." Said Falcon.
Falcon and Johnson didn't go far, because their guests had appeared before them that second. There was three people standing there, they were: Juno, from his Jet Force Gemini; Joanne Dark, Mega Man, and none other than Duke Nukem.
"Those alien bastards are gonna pay for shooting up my ride!" said Nukem.
Juno nodded and held up his weapon.
"Ready to kick butt!" said Mega Man.
They all smiled as they met their new comrades. Zelda noticed Max touch something in his ear and talk.
"Uhh, Peach?… Yea I know…Uh hua…Ok listen…Yea I know!" he said. "Ok, about the castle…Well…You're not gonna believe this…"