Everyone is gathered around the table, listening to Emi tell them of their fandom selves and their fan girls. Kankri can't stop smiling.
Kankri: Am I really in ALL the fangirls hearts?
Emi: Yup. It's because of your adorable sweater.
Porrim: I was the -one wh-o made that sweater.
Emi: I'll get to you. Let's see, Kankri was cute, Damara was….suggestive, Rufioh was loved both in and out of the comic, Mituna was adorable and Meulin was an older Nepeta.
Emi: Porrim: The fanguys love you. You are….as one might put it….large chested.
Kankri: *sigh*
Emi: Latula, you are the rad skateboarder. Your adoration for Mituna brnigs all the fanboys to the yard.
And they're like, you wanna sink ships?
Emi: Dang right, I wanna sink ships
I'll sink them, but not my OTP.
Emi: Rave?
NO. Tell Aranea how booky she is.
Aranea: I figured this would happen. One lecture then everyone makes you a Kankri.
Aranea: I feel this stereotype is not only 8arring 8ut it also unfairly shows me as the nerd, in which I am not. I am someone who gives out advice and happen to enjoy a good 8ook. It's not my fault that I know so much. I think the fan8oys are just jealous of my overall academic maturity.
Kankri: Y9u make it s9und like it's a 6ad thing.
Aranea: It kind of is. Why do you think Karkat hates you?
Kankri: 9h. #feelings hurt
Emi: Poor Kankri. Horuss….sympathize with Equius.
Horuss: Awwww
Emi: Kurloz, you are also a scary guy. Not as much as Gamzee though. The fangirls adore your relationship with meulin.
Gamzee: HONK
Gamzee: honk
Emi: Karkat?
Karkat: GOT IT. Karkat take Gamzee into the closet and shoosh paps for about 5 minutes. Nepeta and Equius hold onto each other.
Emi: It's okay. You guys are safe here.
Safe! And…
Emi: Sound!
You guys should really try bursting into song. I'm sure broadway trolls agree with me.
Terezi: :?
Emi: You wouldn't like them.
Who's next?
Emi: Cronus. He's the troll straight out of grease. Fangirls…do they love him?
I sure don't. I'm sure someone does.
Cronus: Hear that Meenah?
Meenah: She's delirious Cro. That biznasty ain't true.
Yea it is. Fanguys like you too. It's the gangsta lifestyle.
Meenah: I AM one bitchin gill.
Yup. Now mituna, here's all the candy you could ask for. Run my child. Run free!
Mituna: Y35! F1N4LLY 50M30N3 G1V35 M3 5UG4R!
Emi: Finally?
Karkat and Gamzee walk out of the closet, Gamzee looking a lot better.
Kanaya: Karkat, Mituna Has Just Been Handed Multiple Pounds Of Sugar. Do You, By Any Chance, Have A Way To Shoosh Pap him Later On?
Karkat: I'M NOT HIS FUCKING MOIRAIL! ONLY KURLOZ CAN DO IT!
Kurloz: *nods* :)
Emi: While Mituna goes nuts, Eridan and Cronus, watch The Ampora Family.
Emi: Karkat and Kankri, you can watch Raising the Vantas Family on my phone.
The trolls sit in front of the devices and watch the videos. At the end, Cronus laughs.
Cronus: I remember this! After four days Eridan gavwe up.
Eridan: I did not! You gavve up!
Emi: And dadscar watched the whole thing.
Cronus: NO, he left after hour twvo.
Emi: Karkat, how did you like your video?
Karkat: IT EXPLAINS A LOT ACTUALLY.
Kankri: I f9und it very demeaning. The Signless was a smart and l9yal father wh9 knew what he was d9ing. He was never in such predicament that was applied to that vide9. The 6eing wh9 wr9te that didn't kn9w the Signless pers9nally and p9rtrayed him in a way that implied his as untrustw9rthy and easy t9 misplace things. As his figurative s9n I can personally c9nclude that 6lah 6lah 6lah 6lah 6lah 6lah….
His rant went on for another minute until Emi snapped out of her derp.
Emi: Alright, alright, I get it. You didn't approve of it. Next dare.
It's from livvykitty, who I answered earlier:
*casually strolls in* Hey, y'all! Before I even start on truths or dares...
Emily: Hey. *poke* You read the intro to my truth or dare. If you remember, I asked for a third cohost. Eridanisnotonfire and DSF are on board. Wanna join? If yes, I just need your profile.
Okay! Hm...
Jane: You must quote only Gir from Invader Zim.
Rose: Are you flushed for Kanaya? Lesbianest here.
Everyone: WATCH PITCH PERFECT. It's the most amazing movie in existence. Also, please note that leading characters Jesse and Becca remind me of John and Fem!Dave.
That is all for now!
Emi: Alright Jane, you can only quote Gir.
Jane: Who?
Emi: It's a little green alien for an old tv show. My friend has shirts with Gir on them.
Jane: Well, alright.
Jane: Uhhh…I'm gonna roll around the floor for a little while. KAY?
Emi: We'll work on it.
So, Rose? Are you flushed for Kanaya?
Rose: I guess it is a good time to announce it.
Kanaya: Are You Implying That We Become Matesprits?
Rose: I guess so. If that isn't too much to ask.
Nepeta: I mew it!
Emi: I dub thee….Ronaya!
Kanaya: *blushes*
Meulin: Shipp-beep-ed!
HOLD UP. PITCH PERFECT?
Emi: Cover your ears!
SQUUUUUUUUUUEUEEEEEEEEEE!
Emi: We love pitch perfect.
Dave: There's a girl me?
Emi: Yup! Yo kinda look like Sam.
John: Whoa. You know, Dave, I'm not a homosexual….
Dave: Don't John. You are not dating my fictional genderswap.
John: I can dream!
Emi: ….
Pitch perfect time!
*After pitch perfect*
Latula: no d1gg1ty!
Meenah: I gotta bag it up!
Feferi: Sollux! Stop calling me Fat Amy!
Sollux: Eriidan dared me two.
Eridan: Did not!
Eridan: Wwhatevver
Emi: Okay, really, stop with the whatever.
Nepeta: Equius, can you sing?
Equius: N0.
Nepeta: Mew can sing with me!
Equius: I will not participate in such f00lery!
Emi: *gasp*
Emi: Singing isn't foolery!
Eridan: Wwhatevver.
Emi: NO ONE ASKED FOR YOUR COMMENTS ERIDAN!
Eridan: Wweh.
TENSION!
Emi: Good grief…
The next dares are from Pachimew,
MUAHAHA! I HAVE DARES, FEAR ME!
Mituna: I'm glomping you. Then...either make out with Cronus or the author makes you non-retarded for the rest of this chapter and the next one! (Easy choice much?)
Kankri: From now on, every time he goes on a rant, please shove this *Holds up bucket* on his head.
John: You are the most adorable derp I know.
Dave, Dirk: I want a cute/embarrasing brotherly bonding moment from you two!
Roxy: Here's some vodka. Engoy. *Emjoy *Enjuy *Fuck (Hahaha, intentional misspellings...)
Jane, Feferi: Bake a cake!
Jake: DIRKJAKE, KISS HIM, NOW
Sollux: GEMINI FOR THE FUCKING WIN!
Eridan: I hate you.
Karkat: KARKITTY! Wear cat ears and a kitty tail for three chapters!
Nepeta: Here is a Homestuck shipping chart for you to fill out at your leisure!
EVERYBODY! SPECIES SWAP FOR THE REST OF THIS CHAPTER AND THE NEXT FIVE! (Trolls become humans and vice versa)
I shall return...in the meantime, Pachimew out!
And yes I AM insane. HAHAHA WHAT IS LIFE WHEEEEE!
Emi: Ultimate Fear! Level up!
The power level! It's over 9000!
Emi: alright Mituna. Wanna be smart? Or make out with Cronus?
Mituna: UHHHHHH….
Mituna: CR0NU5!
Even Mituna is bad at easy questions.
Emi: Really?
Mituna: Y34!
Emi: Alright….closet time I guess.
Mituna runs into the closet, Cronus falling behind.
Cronus: Do I havwe to?
Emi: Yes.
Cronus: Fine
Cronus walks into the closet, dragging his feet. Latula growls.
Emi: Oh snap! Tension!
Gdshjtlhdfnsre;qwkuerfnyhsr
Emi: Yes.
Emi: While they are doing that, Kankri, no rants.
Kankri: I find that m9ti9n undesirable and impractical c9nsidering the utter disrespect 9ther reviewer have placed up9n me. I feel the need t9 describe my em9ti9ns 9y 6lah 6lah 6lah 6lah—
Emi plunks a bucket on top of Kankri's head .
Kankri: What is this? H9w c9uld y9u put an 9bject of such sexual n9ti9ns 9n my cranium?
Emi: I said, no rants!
Vriska:….
Aranea: Would you like me to fill in while you are in such a st8?
Kankri: Please.
John: I am adorable aren't I?
Eridan: You're as adorable as I am.
That's a compliment?
Eridan: Oh. I see howw it is.
Alright dave. Brotherly love time.
Dave: Hug me brotha!
Dirk: Oh yea!
The two run into each other's arms. Dirk spins Dave around, constantly yelling the words 'Strider hug!'
Dave: Okay, you can put me down.
Dirk: Never, little man.
Emi: I'll take that.
More vodka? She's had enough.
*Girl completely ignores me and drops in a bottle of Vodka.*
Roxy: I luve you!
Roxy: *Love
Roxy: *you
Jane: Doom doom doom!
Better. Now, Fef and Jane, cake time!
Feferi: Oh buoy! Glub.
Jane: :)
John: Cake? Oh no….
I have some mix in the cabinet. While you guys do that, I'll get Mituna.
Emi: I got this.
Emi opens door to find Mituna and Cronus in deep embrace.
Latula: tun4!
Mituna: HUH?
Cronus: Damn.
Cronus? Run.
Cronus: Fuck!
Latula jumps on her skateboard and starts to chase Cronus across the house. The ruckus causes pieces of burnt wall, Sollux…, to fall off. The whole house is a wreck.
Emi: I don't even care anymore. Dirk, Jake, go.
Dirk: God, I love this!
Jake: One day me lips are going to fall straight off!
And I will laugh.
Jake: Hey! Why the dickens would you do that?
It would be funny.
Anyway, Sollux, Pachimew likes your zodiac.
Eridan, she/he fucking hates you.
Eridan: Wwhy must evveryone despise me?
According to the fandom, you are a total jerk who has no quadrents.
Feferi: I think I would fit well in this findom.
I already am. Karkitty, put on cat ears and a tail.
Karkat: FUCK NO!
Emi: More like fuck yes.
Do it.
Karkat: FINE. Karkat puts on the costume and Nepeta purrs.
Nepeta: You look purrty Karkitty.
Karkat: NO I DON'T.
Nepeta: If mew say so….
He doesn't look pretty.
Karkat: HEY!
He looks ADORABLE!
Karkat: I WALKED STRAIGHT INTO THAT ONE.
Emi: Pretty much. By the way, you have to wear this for 3 more chapters.
Karkat: FUCK!
Emi: Nepeta, here is your shipping wall. At the end of the day, tell me your ships.
Nepeta: All right!
Nepeta takes the mini wall and sits on Equius's lap. He frowns.
Equius: Nepeta, did y0u have t0 menti0n…
Nepeta: Yes.
Aradia: 0_0
(( Due to the length and major changes, i'm going to skip that last dare. Sorry!))
Rose: Wait, that's not fair!
John: Can't you make YOURSELF a troll, Em?
Emi: I guess.
Emi starts to shake and wind flies around her. Yes! Her troll form!
When Emi can be seen again, she has slightly shorter hair and olive blood. She is wearing a black skirt and a neon pink shirt with the leo sign. Emi how has grey skin and pointy teeth similar to Karkat's. He horns are tall and nubbed at the ends.
Nepeta: Wow.
Emi: How do I look?
Karkat: I'M SURPRISED. YOU ACTUALLY LOOK SOMEWHAT OKAY.
Emi: Is my tongue…teal?
Eww!
Terezi: H3Y!
Sorry. I'm not used to seeing myself with a teal tongue.
Emi: Me neither. I guess I'll be like this for….two chapters? That sounds pretty good.
Kankri: That s9unds like a very…..Kankri falters when he sees Emi holding up another Bucket.
Emi: One more dare then,
It's from obsessivefangirl 03.
Okay this is a dare my moirail gave me to put:
"I dare Sollux to drink mind honey with Gamzee"
Emi: Your moirail has good taste. Sollux, bring me a jar of honey!
Sollux: Great.
Gamzee: HONK
Gamzee: honk
Emi: Quick! Honey!
Narrator takes two spoonfuls of honey and shoves them into the trolls' mouths.
Sollux: Oh no!
The trolls shake and with a final bang, the room explodes.
Emi: Cliffhanger! Up ahead!
Yup. I'm leaving you guys with a cliffhanger. What will happen next? We'll find out tomorrow!