Ten: The Fire in Him

I never did have any love for the stars. Wicked little lights, Varda's treasures. Too weak they were to harm me, faint and far away, but the light in them was pure, and as such hateful to my eyes. So it was not with pleasure that I flew under a bright, starry sky. The night was cold and the winds were cruel, and the salt spray of the sea burned my eye. With pleasure it was, therefore, that I beheld my destination at last: on the barren shores of Helcaraxë there opened before my eyes a constellation of fiery stars – the campfires of the host of Feänor.

Aye, to Feänor I went, where else would I go? An oath had been spoken, swords had been drawn, the Noldor had defied the will of the Valar. I descended in the shadows, and wrapped my wrings as a cloak around me, and took upon myself the semblance of a noblewoman of Feänor's house. And I looked around me with my eye of stone, and saw in the cabin of a white ship the exiled king, sitting alone, brooding over a map. Stealthily I made my way towards him on foot, and was almost at the gangplank, when a voice called after me:
"Halt! You are not what you seem!"
Galadriel stood there, Finarfin's fair daughter, and already at that time she was possessed of a vision unrivalled among the Eldar. She saw right through elves and men, saw with her heart rather than her eyes. Through me she could not see, and that is how she knew I was of older make than her upstart race. I turned to her:
"Then what am I, wise Galadriel? If you think me a foul shadow of Morgoth's, then call by all means the guards, call at once, ere I do what I will with you."
But she hesitated, for I did not speak as she expected an enemy would.
"I do not know who you are. And that is strange, for I thought I knew the face of every woman in this camp. Would you tell me, please, fair lady, your name at least, for surely if your errand here is honourable, there is no shame in speaking of it?"
"Ah, Galadriel. Your father speaks most highly of you, even after you deserted him, and I see now why that is so."
"You know my father? Did he send you? How did you come here?"
Wise she would be some day, but still she was innocent, lacking the experience that would harden her and make her withdraw from the world rather than embracing all its hardships.
"The Maiar have no need of ships, child. I am a messenger, and I serve a Vala, this I swear, but that is all I can tell you, for my message is secret, meant for the ears of Feänor only. And once he has heard it, he will be glad indeed that secret it remains. Is this answer enough for you, or do you desire more, oh curious little Galadriel?"
"Go, then. But if any harm comes from this, I will seek you out, someday, and you will answer for it, milady messenger."
She did not trust me, not really, but neither did she see through my deception. Later, of course, she would guess which Vala I served, and then she would curse me and her own blindness, but by then I would be far away – and she, most likely, would be stranded and freezing to death.

For of course it was I that planted the seeds of foul treason in Feänor's already traitorous heart. I took full advantage of all the secrets Morgoth had trusted me with, and the words I spoke were, for the most part, true.
"Hail, Feänor Kinslayer! Far has your fame reached, and the wise tremble at the sound of your name. Bright is the fire that burns in you, and gladly do I fly to its warmth."
"Who are you? Your face is fair but your words are foul, and foul is their meaning."
"I am Thuringwethil."
He gasped, and his hand went for the hilt of his sword – he, too, had heard of me. I smiled, and spoke calmly:
"If I wished you dead, then dead you would be. But the fire in you, bright though it be, is not as bright and searing as the fire your hands made. Yes, I know them, the Silmarils. Well you wrought them and pure they are and holy, and the light in them would be my undoing should I ever look full upon it. And that is why I come to you, and I beseech you – come, make haste, take back what was yours once! Take the jewels from the crown of Morgoth, take them far away, and hide them well! For those jewels are the only thing under the sky that could kill me, now that the trees are dead. I fear Morgoth my master, and I do not like him having a means to destroy me so easily, should I ever offer him the slightest displeasure."
"You would betray Morgoth? I dare not believe you – you are a creature of wickedness and lies."
"And the Silmarils, lord Feänor, are holiness and truth. They do not belong with Morgoth. I care nothing for who has them, as long as it isn't him. I am bound to him by invisible chains. I am his slave. My freedom I cannot win, but I can, indeed, betray him. I alone can keep secrets from his prying eyes. I alone can serve two masters at once. For my own sake, for my own selfish reasons, I will help you to win back that which you seek."
I knelt before him, making obeisance. Proud as he was, and blinded by hatred, he believed me, never guessing that what words I spoke, Morgoth himself had put in my mouth for his own dark pleasure.

And I spoke with Feänor, and I gave him the thought that some of his followers could not be trusted, so that he decided to leave them behind and burn the ships. For it pleased Morgoth immensely to sow hatred and quarrels among the ranks of his enemies, so that they would not stand united against him. And to seal our bargain, I kissed Feänor on the mouth, and I lay with him, and the fire in him was warm and pleasing to me, for darkness and corruption lay at its heart, and greed was its fuel. Other meetings and other embraces I promised him as I left, knowing I would most likely never see him again.

For fey was Feänor, fated to die, his fire consuming him slowly from the inside. The long claws of shadows reached over him, and there was no salvation for him anymore. As I flew up into the night I laughed at the stupidity of those blinded by their lusts – I speak not now of his lust for me or any other female form, but of his all-consuming longing for Silmarils. Cursed be the stones, cursed the hand that made them!