I do not own EUReKA. Not the characters, not the sets, not the storyline's...nothing.

I Do Over...Again

Chapter 10: An Unrequited Love

Allison knew she couldn't put if off any longer. The seed had been planted and there was no turning back now. Deep down she'd known all along that she didn't want to marry Nathan again. Over the last few months she hadn't really felt like herself. Usually so assertive and sure, she had turned into an indecisive weak-willed woman which was the total opposite of her personality.

After she'd collected herself, she called Nathan and asked him if they could meet at his place. It was urgent that she speak to him and it couldn't wait until later. She didn't want to give him the chance to ask her to think it over, or try to change her mind. If she didn't do this now, she never would.

Walking up to his front door, she went to push the doorbell. She had a key but didn't feel comfortable using it now. Just as the bell rung, the front door swung open.

"Allie." Nathan ushered her inside, concern prominently marring his features.

"I called over to Henry's and he said that rehearsal was cancelled because you'd gotten sick. Are you okay? Is it the baby?"

Allison shut her eyes momentarily, please don't talk about the baby she thought, she needed to get through this and didn't want the baby to be a factor in her decision.

Twiddling her thumbs anxiously she asked, "Nathan, can we sit?"

Allison noticed his expression change from concern for her to unease. "By your tone this isn't going to be good."

They sat down on the couch facing each other, both fearful of what was to come.

"Nathan, I don't know how to tell you this but to just say it. I want to be upfront and honest with you."

Allison momentarily paused and exhaled deeply, her eyes downcast.

"I don't think we should get married."

She wasn't sure what his reaction would be–confusion, anger, sadness. Oddly enough he smiled.

"Oh Allie, you're just scared. I understand things didn't work out for us the first time and you're feeling a bit hesitant. I know you're worried about leaving Eureka and finding a new job. Not to mention the stress you must be feeling now that we're having a baby. Trust me, everything will work out fine."

"Nathan, you don't understand. I don't think we should be together any more."

"Is this because I took the job without telling you? Maybe I should have talked to you first, but I thought this would be the best move for all of us. I told you that I couldn't pass this opportunity up."

"And I don't want you to. You deserve that spot Nathan, you're going to do great things."

Nathan cupped the side of her face with his hands. "I think the stress of everything that's been going on might be affecting you. Why don't you take some time to clear your head? We can always push the date back."

Using her forearm she swatted his hand away. "Don't you dare patronize me Nathan Stark. I wanted to come over here and have a civil conversation with you, explain how I feel."

He observed her with the look she knew all to well, but had never given to her. He was being condescending. "And I hear you Allie."

He reached out for her again but she slid further down the couch. "Yes, you hear me, but you're not listening to me."

He seemed to be growing irritated as evidenced by the timbre in his voice. "Allison, do you love me or don't you?"

"I do Nathan...but not like I used too." She offered him a tentative smile and hoped he didn't perceive it as pity.

He stood abruptly. "If you loved me, you'd come with me. You'd marry me."

"I'm sorry Nathan. I know you don't want to hear this but, I've been lying to myself for months hoping that my feelings would change and they haven't."

He turned away from her, the realization of the situation becoming all to clear. "I should have known this was coming." Shaking his head in disbelief he continued, "It's him isn't it? It's Carter."

"This isn't about Carter..."

He interrupted her, the preposterousness of her statement visible in his demeanor. "The hell it isn't. Ever since that goody two-shoed dimwit arrived in town everyone's been under his spell. I just never thought you'd be gullible enough to fall for it."

Allison tried to remain calm, "Nathan if it'll make you feel better to attack Carter that's one thing, but if you want to blame anyone you blame me."

"Then explain it to me because this makes no sense."

"It wasn't just one thing..."

He cut in, not with a question, but a statement. "So, it is Carter then."

Allison knew it was no point in pretending any longer. If she wanted to be honest with him, she had to start by being honest with herself.

"In part yes...but whether you believe it or not, Carter was not the deciding factor." Allison walked over and placed her hand on his forearm in an attempt to console him.

"Nathan, I'm not being deceitful when I say I still love you. Sadly, I think it has more to do with the man you used to be. We don't want the same things anymore...I don't think we ever have. I want the house with the picket fence. I want friends and family surrounding me. I want Kevin and this baby to have as much of a normal childhood as possible. I love what I do at GD and what I help contribute to the world. I've worked hard to get where I am and I won't just give that up."

He sounded utterly defeated. "What about the baby?"

"Nathan, this child is yours. We will love this child, and raise this child. I know it won't be easy, and you'll be a part of everything that goes on in it's life. This child is lucky to have you for a father."

Nathan spun on her, his face darkened. "Is this some last ditch attempt to get me to stay here?"

"No, of course not."

His pitch softening, he pleaded. "Allie, come with me. We don't have to get married, I just want you by my side."

"What if I asked you to stay with us?"

"I can't. I've wanted this for so long...more than anything I've ever desired."

"Including us?"

"No, I didn't mean..."

"It's okay Nathan, I understand. It's just like before. You decided for us, you wanted what was best for you. Truth is, I'm not the only one who longs for something else."

Allison removed the engagement ring from her finger, placed it on the end table and walked out the door never once looking back.

She just wanted to go home and crawl under the covers, but knew there were many difficult tasks ahead of her. The most important was to break the news to Kevin. She had to talk to General Hammond and hope she still had a job left. She had to cancel the food, the flowers, the music and inform the guests that the wedding had been canceled. Not to mention that she had to spend another two weeks in town with Nathan.

Besides, there was Carter. What would she do about him? Though she'd told Tess, Grace and Jo that she didn't want to leave him, that didn't mean that he would care at this point. She had rejected him so many times that she may be too late.

No doubt these next few weeks would be tough not just on her but everyone involved.

Arriving back home she was overjoyed to see Jo, Grace and Tess' cars parked outside. When she entered she saw they had set up all the items ready for a good old fashioned gab fest. They'd already begun calling guests and told them that the wedding had been called off giving no explanation. They cancelled the music, flowers and the food–Vincent was upset, but he understood. Henry had taken Kevin over to Carter's place. They figured she'd want some time alone to contemplate where to go from here. Carter ever helpful was glad to look after him and said Kevin could spend the night. He'd order pizza, they'd watch a game and he didn't want you to worry. He and Zoë would keep an eye on him.

Allison was so thankful to have friends like these. They sat with her, they talked, they laughed, they cried. By the time they ended the night, she was exhausted. Though her body was tired, her mind couldn't rest. She really hadn't wanted to hurt Nathan that way but, it was for the best. If she had moved with him to D.C. it would have been a repeat of their first marriage and a colossal mistake.

The next morning Allison awoke feeling sick to her stomach. This pregnancy was really doing a number on her. She hadn't remembered being so sickly with Kevin. To be frank, that wasn't the only reason she felt ill. All through the night she had been thinking of what to do about Carter. Should she approach him or wait? Should she say anything at all? God, why was she so uncertain when it came to him. Knowing that laying there contemplating wouldn't solve her problems she slowly got out of bed. Finally able to calm her stomach with saltines, she dialed his number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Carter."

"Allison? Hey...how are you? Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm all right. How's Kevin doing?"

"He's in the bathroom washing up. He seems fine, just worried about you. I'm worried about you too. We all are."

"I know you are. Thank you so much for letting Kevin stay over. I just needed some time alone. You didn't tell him anything did you?"

"No, we just told him you weren't feeling well. Zoë kept him occupied anyway, and you don't have to thank me. Kevin's my buddy, I'd do anything for him."

"Well, I'm going to have some breakfast and get dressed. Can you bring him home around twelve. I need to talk to him."

"Sure, of course. Is there anything I can do?"

Allison smiled to herself. "No, but thanks Carter."

Hanging up the phone, Jack couldn't help but wish he could be there for her right now. Not just emotionally but physically. He just wanted to give her a hug to let her know that even though she and Nathan had made a tough decision, she wasn't alone and she had friends who cared about her. He wanted her to know that if she needed to talk, he would be there. Jack hoped that the news wouldn't be to rough for Kevin to hear. Yes, he and Nathan didn't have the best of relationships but he did love him–regardless of the act he tried to put on. Jack asked S.A.R.A.H. to make them some waffles, eggs and extra bacon–Kevin was going to need it.

Rolling up to Allison's, Jack stopped Kevin as he reached for the door handle.

"Hey buddy, hold up a second."

"Yeah?"

"You know you can talk to me right?"

"Uh...yeah?"

"I mean if you're having any problems or anything like that."

"Sure...? Are you all right?"

"Yeah. Come on, let's go."

He walked Kevin inside, greeting Allison as she sat at the kitchen table. Though she had a smile on her face, he saw that her eyes were glum. Jack wanted to talk to her, to comfort her, to be there for her, but he knew that this time was for her and Kevin. So reluctantly he bid them goodbye and headed back home.

Allison embraced Kevin holding him tight until he requested she let go. As she pulled back, looking into his eager face she let him know there was something important she had to speak to him about. She sat him down and explained the decision she had come to. They were not moving from Eureka and she and Nathan were no longer getting married. She told him that it was her choice and he shouldn't hold any grudges against him.

Kevin listened intently, nodding at the appropriate times, asking questions when necessary. He didn't seem upset...or pleased for that matter. Allison figured he wasn't sure how to react. Her little man, so smart, so mature, so loving, was only concerned about her. Asking if she was okay, if she needed anything. Allison knew then that they would be okay.

That Monday the town was abuzz with the news of the wedding that never was. Sure Eureka was populated with the elite in the scientific community, but they were human after all and everyone loved a bit of gossip. Though no one confronted Allison directly or stared and whispered as she went about her daily business, they were unnecessarily sweet to her as if she were a fragile vase which was annoying enough.

She managed to make it through the work day mostly undisturbed. She assumed that many of the staff didn't know what to say or how to approach her. At first she was a little put off by it, but once Grace came and spoke to her, she realized that the staff was trying to give her some space. Grace said everyone she'd encountered today had asked about her and hoped that she was doing okay.

After a long day at work she headed over to Café Diem to pick up dinner for her and Kevin because she sure wasn't up to cooking today. Upon entering, she came face to face with Nathan. They had managed to avoid each other all day–it wasn't intentional, they were just busy with their own assignments. Allison felt like she'd just walked into an old wild west movie. Two gunslingers coming face to face, the patrons fell to a hush.

One thing about Nathan, as arrogant as he was, he was never one to cause a scene. He was polite, speaking to her about work like nothing out of the ordinary. The customers grew disinterested once they realized that no fireworks were going to happen. Allison hoped this was a sign that he had come to terms with her decision and was being an adult about it...this was not to be the case.

The next few days he seemed to take a turn for the worse. The ridicule and mockery he usually subjected Carter to was directed solely at Allison. Oh it was never anything nasty or vicious, but snide little comments here and there. Allison chose to ignore them knowing that it was his way to deal with his pain. The only error he made was to carry on his childish behavior in front of Carter.

Avoiding another near catastrophe, the evening ended late for Allison. Other than security, the only people remaining in the facility were Allison and Jack and he only hung around because he didn't want Allison leaving that late alone. Yes, Eureka was perfectly safe–if not for the science experiments gone awry, he intended to keep an eye on her whether she wanted him to or not.

Leaning back in her chair, Allison was glad to finally be done, "I'm so tired, I feel like I could sleep for a month."

Seated in the chair opposite her, he rose to his feet. "Come on, I'll drive you home."

"Carter you don't have to do that."

Jack extended his hand toward hers, "I know, but it's late, you're tired and I..." He never got to finish his sentence as he was interrupted by Stark who seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

"Well, what a surprise. You two...together again." The look on his face one of exasperation.

"What is it Nathan?" Allison inquired not in the mood to deal with his attitude.

"I saw that your car was still here and I thought I'd be a gentleman and walk you out but I see the Calvary is here." Gesturing toward Carter.

"That's very amusing Nathan."

"No, I see it now. Why would you want to come with me and be part of what could possibly be the most unprecedented, lucrative research possible? Instead you want to stay here with the lost Hardy Boy."

"Nathan!"

"Allison it's okay. He doesn't bother me. Never has, never will. I'll just think of this as a going away present."

"See Allison, Sir Galahad can take care of himself."

"Nathan, you're embarrassing yourself."

"I think you should be the one embarrassed. You want to stay and be stifled creatively than thats up to you. While you're here being governed by political and military constraints, I'll be making history with very little interference. You know Allison I actually feel sorry for you. For someone who's supposed to be a genius you're not acting very smart."

Jack stepped in front of him having heard enough of his verbal abuse her. "Stark, that's enough."

"Back off boy-scout." Stark shouted at him then proceeded to shove Jack's shoulder.

Jack was taken aback for a moment. Did he really just put his hands on him? Grinning, this was the excuse Jack had always been looking for. He lunged forward only to be thwarted by Allison who stood between them, holding them at arms length.

"I will not have you rolling around on the floor like two adolescents." She glared at them both, effectively getting her point across.

Allison turned to Nathan and implored. "Go home Nathan."

When he didn't move, his sights still set on Jack, she asked again, this time more compassionately. "Please, Nathan. Go home."

He whirled around and left out in a huff, cursing the entire way.

Allison turned, "And I want you to calm down."

"I'm sorry. Come on, let me take you home." Jack was only sorry he didn't get the chance to punch Stark in his smug face.

The rest of the week was tense to say the least. Thankfully Allison never had another problem with Nathan being smart with her. They were cordial to each other and handled the business of the day professionally. They met late in the afternoon to schedule a time for him to come over and pick up his things. They reviewed projects he was working on and who the assignments should go to. The entire time they talked, they never delved into anything person. They both knew it would be to hard to talk about.

That evening Nathan came by to pack up his belongings. There wasn't much there–mainly some clothes, hygiene products, and work items. She sat with him and they talked for quite some time about how they would parent living so far away from each other. Both understood the complexities of the issue, but promised that regardless of where they were or who they were involved with, they would parent this child and make decisions together.

Allison summoned Kevin downstairs so that he and Nathan could have a heart to heart. Nathan told Kevin even though they had not been extremely close, it by no means meant that he didn't love him or care about him. He assured him that he would always be there for him. He told him that he was sure that Kevin would be brighter than both of them put together and would be available to him anytime he called. Kevin, good kid that he was hugged Nathan and told him he'd miss him too.

The next few days were quite an adjustment for Allison–she was alone again. She and Nathan had pretty much severed all contact his last week in town. She knew she had Kevin and her friends but it wasn't the same. Even with all the support she received, she felt something was missing. She wanted to talk to Carter.

Oh, she'd seen him on a daily basis and talked to him about work, kids, and the goings on in town, but it was never anything serious. She hadn't immediately rushed to him after she split with Nathan afraid of what he would say. She was hoping he would've pursued her, but since that didn't appear to be the case, she decided to make her move.

Allison asked him to come over for dinner under the guise of needing his advice on what to do for Kevin's birthday–which was three months away. Kevin planned to eat dinner at a friends, so they had the house to themselves.

Jack arrived precisely at seven, sparking grape juice in hand. "I know you can't have wine, so I thought this would be more appropriate."

Allison couldn't help but laugh–she loved his sense of humor.

Dinner was delicious, he helped her cook the two of them navigating as if they were like a well oiled machine. Each doing their own part without instruction from the other like they'd done this hundreds of times before. Their conversation engrossing, the ease at which she was with him blah. Allison hadn't laughed so hard or had such a pleasant night in a long time. Allison was so pleased that the first part of the evening had gone as she'd intended. As he helped her clean up the dishes, she made up her mind that this was the right time to discuss the prospect of them.

Allison looked up at him shyly, her eyes level with his chest–she had on her flats and the obvious difference in their height was grossly apparent.

Her palms sweating she nervously began, "Carter...I have to be honest. I called you over here with an ulterior motive in mind."

"Everything okay?" His expression to her open and warm.

"Yeah, everything's fine." Allison paused her mouth momentarily gone dry. "I was just wondering...I was wondering, how you felt...about me."

Jack was taken by surprise. He hadn't expected her to ask that question.

"Well, I care about you of course. You know I'd do anything for you and Kevin."

"I know. Um...before, you told me how you felt about me. Do you still feel the same way?"

"I uh..." Jack stammered, not sure of how to address her. "Honestly you kinda caught me off guard."

His expression rueful he began, "Allison I won't lie, I did love you...I mean I do love you, but I'm a bit hesitant. I know I was never upfront with you in the beginning, but I did eventually express my feelings to you and you didn't reciprocate. What if this is just a reaction from what's happened between you and Stark."

She avowed to him, "It's not. I can assure you of that."

"I don't want to hurt you Allison, but you have to see my side of things."

Allison bowed her head, nodding slowly, crushed by what he'd said. She spoke softly to him. "It's okay, I understand. I have no right to just assume that you would run into my arms after the way I've treated you. I haven't been fair to you all these years. I knew you were interested in a relationship with me but I spurned you each time."

Jack placed a finger under her chin and lifted her head. It caused him pain to see her look so sad.

"Allison whatever happens between us, remember I'll always be there for you...no matter what. I just need some time to think about it."

Allison chocked back the tears that had been forming. She whirled quickly and resumed drying the dishes so he wouldn't see the disappointment on her face. He offered to stay and sit with her until Kevin came home but she told him she'd be fine and was gonna lay down for a while.

Once he arrived home, Jack grabbed a beer and slumped on the couch. If any of their friends had been privy to their earlier discussion, they would probably think he was nuts. Allison, the woman he had yearned for and wanted for so long, the woman he fell in love with at first site had just asked him to be with her and he said he needed more time. Jack knew how it would appear to an outsider, but he had obvious concerns. He had been rebuffed so many times before. He didn't think his heart could take another blow.

The first thought to pop in his head after her confession was that he was runner-up. With she and Stark breaking their engagement, was he her only option. He didn't know who had broken up with whom, he wasn't going to pry. If Allison wanted to share that information with him, he would lend a sympathetic ear. Or, did she feel because Stark was leaving, it be beneficial that there was a strong male influence in Kevin and the new baby's life. What if she was just feeling sorry for him. All this time he had been longing for her, was she awarding him for his persistence. Jack knew none of these reason where true, but he couldn't help feel like second best. He feel asleep on the couch, Allison on his mind.

Allison woke early the next day deeply depressed. It didn't help matters that the sky was ominously gray, reflecting her current mood. Her thoughts continually replaying her talk with Carter last night. She had hoped that her confession to him would be the beginning of something wonderful for them. She moped around most of the morning trying to find something to occupy herself with.

Tess called around eleven-thirty that morning to check in on her. Allison told her she was fine and just wanted to spend the day doing some housework. Not twenty minutes later Tess arrived at her front door, ice cream in hand. Tess grabbed two spoons, kicked off her shoes and they sat on the couch reminiscing.

"Al can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"At the rehearsal you said you didn't want to leave him."

Allison couldn't help but smirk as a picture of Carter formed in her mind.

"We'd all have to be idiots not to know who he is."

"I guess you would then."

"So, have you spoken to Jack."

Allison shrugged her shoulders. "I tried. Carter came over for dinner last night and I asked about us and he said he needed to think about it."

"And?"

"And, that's it."

"So, you're telling me that you...Allison Blake, strong, determined, brave, is giving up that easily." Tess shook her head in disbelief. "I never thought I'd see the day."

"I'm not giving up, I just want to allow him time to make an uninfluenced choice."

"Are you sure that's it?"

"Let me ask you. You don't think it's strange we're sitting her talking about him and the two of you were in a relationship."

"Al, it wasn't a relationship. It was a few dates. And it's no stranger then you and Jack talking about Nate together." Tess sighed heavily, "Allison do you love him?"

Allison knew it was written all over her face for she'd felt the glow rise from inside. "Yes, more than I've loved any other man."

"Then what are you gonna do about it?"

A smile spreading across her face, Allison felt a strong urge come over her. "Tess can you stay here with Kevin?"

"Sure. Were ya going?"

She leapt from the couch and bounded up the stairs yelling at the top of her lungs. "To get my man!"

Next - Chapter 11: What I Wouldn't Do For Love