My Heart is an open book

by cab4five

4o years after the end of the Vietnam War. While helping his parents pack up during a house move, a 16-year-old boy finds his Grandfather's journal amongst other papers and things in an old cardboard suitcase. He had never met the man but through the words on the old pages young Nick Hudson, meets his relative and learns about the man… not just the decorated solider… Finn Hudson

10. Chapter 10

A/N: This is part 1 of the 2 part final chapter.

Though I do hope, it does not ramble on too much and bore you all, then just an epilogue to follow.

As always, I own nothing but the plot, OC'S and mistakes that slip through. Any music used belongs to the very talented writers and singers who own the rights to it, as do the glee or other known TV characters; I just like to borrow them from Misters' Murphy, Brennan, Falchuck and Gelbart.

I will apologize in advance if this upsets anyone, I have tried to keep it as factual as possible but it involves a real problem (PTSD) that many brave people in our communities face everyday.

XXXXXXX

Chapter X

Rach was right dinner that first night I was home was indeed made up of all my favorites, roast beef with gravy, baked potatoes, carrots, beans and to please both my wife and my mom I even enjoyed some broccoli and cauliflower in white sauce… Well… when I say enjoyed… it was probably more the fact I was with my family and the food was fresh not reconstituted mush. Followed for dessert by Mom's special double layer chocolate sponge cake, filled with whipped cream and strawberries and covered by the yummy creamy chocolate icing she calls garn-ache or something.

The evening was spent just enjoying being home and catching up on what my family had been doing the last two years. Rach was never far from my side and even at the dinner table I held her hand or touched her in some way, I just needed to be close to her. I was still sore and of course with two women who loved me more than anything in the world. I could not fight the attention they were giving me, (not that I wanted to anyway) fussing over me and making sure I was comfortable and not in any pain. My dad just watched the going's on with an amused twinkle in his cinnamon eyes, every now and then just looking straight at me and nodding as if to say, 'I am so happy you are home in one piece, just let the women folk fuss son, it easier than fightin' it. '

They all loved the gifts I brought for them, Rach dashed off to our bedroom to don the cheongsam, and I was 100% right in my thinking she would be beautiful, she even pulled her long hair into a sort of top knot bun thingie. Finishing off the sexy oriental look with a pair of high-heeled shoes that I did not even recognize, but decided she needed to wear more often, because they really showed off her gorgeous long tanned legs. Then as she walked down stairs, I jumped off the sofa and scooped her up, pressing my lips onto hers. Completely ignoring my parents who were busy reading the manual for the Kodak Polaroid camera I got for dad, (I thought it was real cool it developed the photographs inside while you waited, huh, who'd have guessed that was even possible) and making a point of not looking our way. As much as I had missed my parents, I 'needed' to be with Rach.

I started back up the stairs letting my feet lead the way as my mouth was stuck to Rach's neck and the little not so quiet moans, she was making, demonstrating to me of her own needs, were going straight to my dick and I was rock hard before we even reached the landing.

I felt Rach wrap her legs around my waist and grind her center against me making a purring noise and raking her fingernails through my still short hair, pressing her soft lips against the scar on the side of my neck.

"Oh baby girl I have missed you so much, I need you Rach, I need you to just be there and love me and take away the images in my head, and make me, me again can you do that for me please baby?"

The wall around the dam keeping my emotions was weakening and was about to burst, I could feel it. My eyes were stinging with tears I was trying to keep at bay.

Without saying a word, my tiny brunette angel, just slid down my body, and took my hand, her other one raised to cup my cheek, she leaned up to press a soft kiss on my puffy lips and then said in her beautiful voice filled with love. "I will always be here for you baby as what ever you need me to be, but honey without you I have not been me either, so let me love you baby."

My mouth slammed against hers and our tears fell together as I again lifted her up bridal style and made the distance to our bedroom in record time, shutting the door and turning the lock the second we were over the threshold. By the time, I had reached our bed. Rachel had undone all my shirt buttons above my belt and was groaning with frustration at the buckle. Placing her on the covers, I kicked off my shoes, undid said annoying buckle, tore my trousers, and half open shirt and undershirt away from my thrumming and overly sensitive body, my cinnamon eyes never leaving the woman reclined against the mountain of pillows. Her big brown eyes moist with the depths of feelings, that I knew without any shadow of doubt were endless and all for me. I have felt the love she has for me since we were 14 years old and now at 27, it is reciprocated completely.

Rach was letting me take charge, just watching me, once my clothes were gone and I was standing in front of her stark naked, my dick at full quivering attention. I watched her face, her pink tongue poking out and licking her full lips as her eyes raked over my naked body. I cringed at her gasp when her brown eyes land on the still vivid red, raised scars on my neck and right side of my chest. Then when her eyes land on the gold star inked over my heart, her eyes glistening with emotion, leave my body for a moment to lock with mine then move back to my chest. I am hoping she isn't upset… my fears are groundless, when in one swift movement she lifts her arms, pulling the red and gold dress from her naked body and dropping it over the side of the bed, the action causing the pins in her hair to fall out letting her silky brunette tresses tumble around her upper body. Then opening her arms up granting me what I have wished for, for the past two years.

Our bodies join in the ultimate pinnacle of pleasure, remembering without missing a beat the well-rehearsed dance. Our mating was quick and hard and all about the need to be close, purging from our hearts, minds and bodies the feelings of loneliness and separation, that have built up over the time we have been apart. I knew I wouldn't last long this time and as I asked my love to come with me I looked down into her shining brown orbs, and saw everything I was feeling reflected back at me. From the moment, I felt her muscles squeezing my dick from inside her body, I thrust as hard and as fast as I could, until I came with a hoarse grunt of her name and released my fluids deep inside of her needy and receptive body. My face falling into her neck and kissing the warm vanilla scented skin, nipping her as my passion overtook me. After we calmed down and I rolled over on to my back, not letting go of Rach, I pulled her tenderly to rest on to my chest, our bodies still connected and as our breathing slowed down, I looked at her through teary eyes and ran my large hand through the strands of her soft coconut scented hair. Whilst she used her fingers to wipe away my tears placing little butterfly kisses all over my face and neck then after a little while tracing with one small soft finger the star inked over my heart, before placing a kiss over it and saying in more breath than actual words... "Our baby girl…?"

I nod and say just as softly, "I never want to forget her… I know we never got to know her but she was ours and I loved her from the moment you told me she was coming…" my words are cut off as Rach, her big brown eyes flooding with tears whispers,

"I love you so very much Finn and I am so very happy and thankful you came home to me and I feel the same way love, it was so hard trying to deal with all of that when you were away, but I knew I had to be strong, and even though we missed out on knowing her. I know next time will ok and we will tell our future babies all about their big sister."

I leant up as much as my sore neck would allow and kissed her, my hands sliding up her body and pulling her into a sitting position to better enable me to caress her beautiful breasts, the action of her moving woke up Finny jnr , causing my girl to move her hips against mine. Throwing her head back and moaning as I sat up a bit and sucked one hard bud into my mouth, my hand continuing to knead the other. Rach was grinding her center harder against me, and as I felt, myself harden inside her. I released her breast and slid my hands down to her tiny waist, holding her steady while I thrust my hips upwards, earning a loud scream from my love. Rach started to move in a figure eight movement, leaning back so her hands were resting on my thighs. The sounds escaping from her throat were a cross between a purr and a growl and as always when we come together like this. I feel everything!

"Ohh Rach… baby I have missed you so freaking much… I love you" I am crying as I continue to thrust, trying to give Rach what she is asking for after so much time apart, we are both extremely needy and emotional...

"Oh god baby more pleas… just there oohhh yes baby I love you…"Finnnnyyy…"

Rach is crying now as well but before I finish I pull her face down to mine and push my tongue against her mouth asking for entrance, which she grants immediately and as our tongues tangle our hands are caressing any skin they can. I can feel the tightening in my balls as Rach lifts her hips slightly then slamming back down. She does this a few more times until I can't hold back any longer. Dragging my mouth away to get some much-needed air, I tell her I love her once more and press my lips softly this time against her, holding her tiny body along the length of mine. I give her everything I have; I can feel our combined juices, gushing around my dick as I thrust another couple of times until I am spent. Rach is kissing me and sobbing at the same time as trying to speak.

"I-I love you b-baby please d-don't ever leave me a-again, "she holds me as tight as possible in our position. Her wet face pressed against my heart, making kissing motions with her lips against my sweaty skin her left hand running through the thick dark hair covering my chest and again tracing over the golden star. Her hand then slides over to wrap her fingers around my bicep where the tribal band is inked, "it is sexy" she murmurs into my neck before kissing me again. Our ragged breaths subside to the regular rhythm and before long; I know my beautiful angel has fallen asleep. I kiss her cheek and reach down to pull up the bedding, covering our now cooled bodies from the October chill. As my eyes slowly close I am hoping the movie tape in my head, won't start to again play the horrible things I've seen and the lives I've had to take, as I want to forget all of that and get on with my life.

However, I know if they do come back, I will have the love and support of my one true love and soul mate as well as my parents to help me through it. I just hope I am strong enough. I finally close my eyes and making sure, I had a tight hold on Rach, slipped into slumber. Softly whispering my thanks to the gods or the stars or whoever was responsible, for bringing me home in one piece. The only sounds in the room are Rach's contented sighs and regular breathing.

XXXXX

I settled back into life in Lima, as well as could be expected. After speaking to my captain, the doctor and psychologist, at the police department, I was given a month's paid leave, also encouraged to undergo some medical testing, to make sure that I was fit to resume duty. Which thankfully, I passed and by the beginning of December, I was back in my uniform as an officer of the Ohio Highway Patrol, although being winter it was difficult at times to get my motorcycle through the snow so I was instead assigned a patrol car.

My duties were the same patrolling the highways which I was surprised to notice had got busier in my absence, Rach had mentioned in one of her letters that a couple of new sub-divisions, had been built. One called Lima Heights, primarily for the upper middle class families and another a little west of there called Lima Heights Adjacent, where apparently a lot of immigrants and poorer families lived, as it was on the public bus route and closer to the steel plant and other manufacturing factories and business'. Lima had a new shopping mall as well on the east side of town called 'Centerpoint of Lima' which by all accounts it was pretty state of the art with three floors reached by elevators, of shops and food places as well as a cinema complex on the top floor.

Rach had said she had brought some Christmas lights while I was oversees and was going to wait until I was home and able to put them up. I was all excited for this first holiday season back home and decided to stop in at the Wal-Mart store in the new mall on my way home on the Monday a week or so before Christmas to have a look and see if they had anything extra special to surprise my beautiful wife with.

I parked my car as close as possible to the front door so I had plenty of light to see what was going on around me, (even though the doctors had given me the all clear I was still wary of the dark and closed in places). The doctors said it was a form of PTSD and apart from taking meds to calm me down (which I did not want to do as I had heard stories from other guys' about some of the effects they can have on a person, and I did not want to get hooked on anything)

It wasn't hard to find the 'Christmas' section as there were decorations lining the aisles and at the end an area had been turned into Father Christmas's village. Many little kiddies were lined up with their parents waiting, some more patiently than others', for their turn to sit on the man in red's knee and dictate/demand their wish list.

Thankful I could bypass all of that, I found my way to the light and trimmings section and was busy looking at the many new designs and styles, (well new to me anyway) chuckling to my self at the choices. I grabbed a shopper's basket from the stand at one end of the aisle, as I wandered along humming along to the Carol's playing over the PA system. My eyes landed on a star shape light; I thought would look great in the living room window, which faced the street. Also a couple of packets of string lights that flashed, for the gutters and up around the chimney there was even a light up angel and baby Jesus garden ornament that could go next to the front door or on the porch steps. Satisfied with my choices I was heading down the next aisle to where the tree trimmings were. I was bending over looking at the box of baubles on a lower shelf. When a cart knocked into me, I stumbled slightly due to my awkward, downward position, leaning on the shelf as I straightened only to be face-to-face (well chest) with a face from my very distant past and the last person in the world I wished to have any sort of contact or conversation with Quinn Fabray…

She put her hand on my forearm and squeezed it, saying in an excited tone, "Finn? Finn Hudson? Is that you? Oh my god! How are you? You look freaking fantastic honey that uniform makes you look even sexier than I remember; Oh god how I've missed you, we should catch up for a drin…"

I jumped back crashing into the shelf of tinsel, pushing her hand off my arm with my left hand, and shaking it as if I had been burnt, I roared at her to "GET AWAY FROM ME, DON'T YOU EVER SPEAK TO ME!"

I was making quite a scene, gaining the attention of the other shoppers, though at that point I did not care. The instant I saw her face it brought back the memories of what she had done to Rach in high school and then to Sam and in my mind, she is the reason he was gone. I shook my head, spun around, and marched to the counter willing the checkout girl to hurry up. I could have left my stuff, but then thought why I should let the blonde witch spoil the surprise I had been planning for my loving wife. I just wanted to get home I needed my Rachel.

"Hi that will be $12.40 please"

I handed the girl $15.00 and didn't bother waiting for my change, just mumbled out a rushed "keep the change" grabbed my bags and strode off, I didn't even acknowledge the " Gee thanks Mister, happy holidays" she called out happily. I climbed in my car and high-tailed it out of the parking lot, home to Rach.

"Rach, Rach baby where are you, RACHEL?" the minute I enter the house my voice takes on a frantic tone as Rach comes bounding in from the kitchen wiping her hands on her flowered apron, concern etched deeply on her face. She takes my large hand in her tiny one and leads me to the sofa, sending an enquiring look towards Mom and Dad who I noticed from the corner of my eye, watching TV.

Being next to her even for a few moments was already calming me down. Rach was holding my head to her breast and softly singing, ( I didn't really hear the words but just the music of her voice and feeling the vibration of her body was enough to slow my rapid heart beat and still my anger from erupting, all the while she was running her little fingers through my hair.

"Baby can you tell me what happened to upset you like this? Your behavior is worrying me" I nod against her and sit up making sure to keep a tight hold on her hands, rubbing over her wedding bands with my thumb.

I look at her concerned face and feel bad I have most likely scared her I take a deep breath and looking over at Mom and Dad who have identical looks of concern on their faces, I start.

"Yeah well I s-stopped in at the new mall, on my way home I wanted to surprise you with some more lights and stuff an' I found a beautiful star…"

Rach's eyes take in a soft look as she smiles at me nodding at me to continue.

"Well after I got the lights, I was checking out the tree trimmings, and was bending down to a low shelf when somebody bumped into me with their cart. Then as I stood up, I saw… it was Q-Quinn Fabray, and she held my arm and s-said I looked sexy and we should go for a drink…"

"SHE DID WHAT? Oh my goodness what is wrong with that woman, she has a child to care for…" Rach looked ready to storm off to the woman's house and tell her off. Thankfully Mom spoke and made Rach stop

"Finny what happened then dear?" I hear mom ask with a worried quality in her soft voice.

I look at her and Dad and say, "Well I just pushed her away from me and told her to leave me alone and never speak to me again. It was j-just the second I-I saw her face it brought back all the hateful things she did at school and that time she punched Rach… an' then what she did to poor Sam, lying to him like that and … then he joined the Army an'… I had to get out of there before my temper exploded and I hit something…"

"Oh honey I am so sorry you had to deal with that, maybe I need to pay her a visit and tell her a few home truths and to keep her lying cheating paws off my man…"

"NO!" Rach looks taken aback at my harsh outburst. "Sorry Rach, but no baby, please don't go anywhere near her I am ok really I was just angry, the doctors said I would still have bad days, but I promise love I am going to be ok I guess It is just the happiness and family times that Christmas represents, and I… his family you know?"

"I know baby," Rach kisses me softly on the mouth and rubs my back. Making me feel so much better, ( I know I will have more of these mini breakdowns but as long as I have Rach and my parents to help me I know I will be ok). "Now just relax and take it easy until dinner is ready and then after you can show me the new decorations you purchased and we can get them all out and decide where we will put them all. Then the day after tomorrow on your day off, we can hang them and I will even video tape the event for posterity's sake ok?" She leans in to kiss me again then as she gets up says, "I love you Finn and I'll always be here for you."

I watch her as she disappears, Mom following her into the kitchen, I sigh deeply and a happy smile overtakes my face. Dad sits next to me and starts to talk about the game he had been listening on the radio for a little while, and then suddenly changes the subject.

"You know you can talk to me about what you're going through don't you son, I went through the same stuff when I came back from WW2. I know it is hard to come to terms with all the horrible things a man is expected to do during war time and even though it turns your guts inside out, it is one of those things, but you and me are lucky…"

I look at my dad with a puzzled look and my question of how anyone can be lucky after seeing all of that must have been written on my face, cause without me even saying anything he started to talk again.

"We are lucky Finn because you and I had women at home who loved us so deeply that they were the only things that could help chase the memories and noises out of our heads. I mean your Mom was dealing with me going away not long after you were born, her parents were not that close by, and it was difficult to get mail through sometimes. But she is now, and has always been a very strong woman, and she learnt to deal with things, and to be strong for both of us and you, who needed her to be both a Mom and a Dad for the first few years of your life." He pats me on the knee and says

"I know when my old man came back from the war, he was a mess, nightmares and yelling at me and Mother for no reason, but she loved him with the same deep passion that I have seen with you and your Rachel and just like me and your Mom. It's funny how all us Hudson men have all been so damn lucky to find women who love us and stick by when things get tough, and help with anything like a real partnership should be. But my poor Dad, when things got too much would disappear into the backyard and play his trumpet, Man! He could get some sweet music from that thing, but it helped calm him down. They were the only times he played, then of course his lung problems got too much and he could not get enough air to blow… In those days', there was not the help available to returned soldiers, at least for their mental recovery. I don't know what happened to the musical talent but I reckon it skipped a generation, 'cause I can't, sing a single note or find my way around an instrument without a map." Dad ran his hand through his hair and over the back of his neck.

"Yeah I remember Granddad playing his trumpet and wondered why he didn't join a band or something, but I 'spose it wasn't as easy in those days and with life hard enough tryin' to make a living, putting a musical band together was on the bottom of the to-do list. I was sad that granddad did not have the opportunity to play his music. I have always found it a stress reliever." I said

Dad smiles at me and says, "That's why I sound - proofed the basement after you got that set that year."

We both laugh at that and if anyone had taken a photograph at that minute, they would have thought they were looking at a Chris Hudson clone. I have the same dimples and eye color, and looked exactly like him, except his hair was salt-n- peppered now, and parted on the opposite side to mine, which was still short.

Dad continues, "I used to just kick things over, I did have a real dark time about a year after I came home… I kept thinking how could such a beautiful, caring woman as your Mom want to be with, and love a man that did what I did, killing people and the like and what sort of example was I setting for you... I would drink every drop of booze I could find in the house even Mom's cooking sherry… (It is just as well we did not have a lot in the house). Mom tried everything to help me, but I am forever grateful she stuck by me, 'cause if she'd upped and left, taking you with her. It would have been the end of me, and I have tried every single day since to let her know how much I love and appreciate her… However, I got a serious kick in the balls as a wake up call when she got real sick, and needed to stay in the hospital for a few days. You needed me to look after you. Man, it was scary, potty training and such… but it made me see just how much I was needed and loved."

He took a breath and a sip from his glass of beer, and then continued.

"An' I reckon son, if you feel things are getting' too much lock yourself away with your drums and loose yourself in some music for a bit. I know the doctors have explained to you about PTSD, and how small things like a name or smell can trigger it, in some cases a long time after and without warning but you aren't alone Finn, we all love you so very much and are extremely proud of the man you have become."

Listening to my dad talk about having the same problems makes me less worried about things. I nod through my tears as he continues,

"You have your tiny singing angel in your corner son and that little lady will move heaven and earth to help you so don't go getting mad at her if she gives that blonde witch a good talking to. She stood up to her when you were only dating in high school and if Rachel thinks you are going to be upset by somethin' that other woman says, Rachel will come down on her like a momma grizzly bear protectin' her cubs. I know you two have already been through a lot, with the baby an' all, but son you gotta talk to her because she wants to help you deal with the past two years… But sometimes… women folk get scared about saying or doing the wrong thing, after all they can't read our minds to know what is going on in our heads…"

Dad chuckles a bit and says, "I know it seems like they can sometimes... But seriously Finn don't ever be afraid or think you are going crazy if you need to talk to a professional shrink, 'cause they are trained to listen but as long as you talk to those who love you and you let them help you, you should be ok. Now why don't we go and see what wonders, our girls' have cooked up tonight then sort through them lights eh? Maybe this year the Hudson's house can beat the Shawcross' in the best holiday display. "

"Thanks Dad, I know I have help if I need it , but that girl has always gone out of her way to be mean to Rach, without even knowing her and chasing me when I have never shown her the slightest bit of interest, 'cause from the minute I bumped into Rach in freshman year my heart was hers. But to do what she did to poor Sam Evans just to keep her perfect little public image from going down the toilet is just wrong on so many levels… an' what about the kid, how is he gonna feel…"

"Finn please don't let it get to you son, she made her bed NOW she has to deal with all and any consequences, NONE of it is any your concern. As for your buddy Sam, at least he found out the truth and as painful as his passing was he was a hero, like you and every other man the world over who puts on that uniform and fights' for what is right."

I stand up and with tears now running freely down my face and dripping off my chin, I hug my dad whispering my thanks into his neck (shocked a little that I was now a good couple of inches taller than him) and how much I love him, and he returns the words. What neither of us saw however, were our beautiful wives standing in the doorway arms around each other tears streaming down their cheeks and dripping off their chins identical looks of the utmost pride and love etched on their faces.

XXXXX

Rach told me that she had been studying part time as a musical therapist while I was away so she would be able to help me if I needed it and maybe other people as well, and had been helping at the Lima hospital. She was nearly fully qualified now, which would enable her to work in most places.

I have to admit that some nights, the nightmares are horrifying but instead of the faces of soldiers, on their broken and bloodied bodies… I see Rach's beautiful face on every single one. I wake up in a cold sweat my heart beating so freaking fast that I think it is gonna leap out of my chest and my throat is always sore from the screams, of "PLEASE NO NOT MY RACHEL". I then start to cry uncontrollably, great heaving sobs, sometimes stealing my breath until I feel like I am suffocating and need to throw up.

Poor Rach is of course woken up every time, by my thrashing around in the bed and a couple of times, my closed fist has connected with her face. As she tries to calm me, and in my dazed state I start to cry again hating myself for hurting her, she uses all the strength in her tiny body to hold me tight against her naked body and sings to me. It never matters what she sings it could be the fucking telephone book I wouldn't care it is more the soft tone and feeling her beating heart. I wrap my arms as tight as possible around her, pressing my face against her breast, my mouth finds a bare nipple and I suckle like a baby, until my terrors dissipate and I feel like me again. My beautiful girl continues with her singing and stoking my hair until I fall back to sleep.

For a few months, I was fine, and I felt like the old Finn again, I was doing well at my job still and the captain was happy with my results. Rach had started talking about maybe trying for a baby, an idea I was all in favor of and thought all the practice sessions she said we needed any time of the day we were home together, were a first rate idea, ( I'd have to be crazy to turn down a hot lovemaking session with my girl). I was happy, I still had the occasional nightmare and felt strange if I was in dark quiet places, I liked to see my surroundings and hear people's voices, even if it was for only short periods but mostly I was ok. I had started playing my drums again and Rach showed me the songs she had written and asked me to sing with her. I told her then, that I had written some as well it helped fight the darkness a little, but it was not finished yet, maybe one day….

Xxxxx

It was the day before the fourth of July holiday and Rachel was on summer vacation from her job at Lima-Woods Elementary School, most days I took our car to my work at the police station across town. However, today she needed me to meet her at the supermarket 'coz she wanted to do the grocery shopping.

As I pulled into the parking lot, I spotted her sitting at the outside table of the Lima- bean coffee shop, looking around and then down to her wrist where I knew she was looking at her delicate gold wristwatch. I climbed out then locked the door, making my way to my girl a beaming smile on my face. I was a couple of steps away from her when I said in my most serious 'policeman voice'

"Excuse me Miss? I wonder if you could help me with my enquiries." She spins around in her chair, her brow creasing in worry, until she realizes I am playing.

"Why of course officer, how can I be of assistance to such a fine looking member of our brave police force?" she says before pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.

"Well do you mind if I sit and maybe get a coffee first while we discuss things?"

"O-oh n-no not at all please be my guest," she says feigning shyness.

I get the servers attention and order my regular cappuccino with a slice of apple pie and a small chai tea and a fruit Danish for Rach. Once our order arrives, we eat in silence, though I spend the time just watching my wife's beautiful face, as she delicately chews her food. I groan with desire, every time she licks the crumbs off her plump pink lips. Without her noticing I study her, she is dressed in a multi patterned mini dress in bright fun colors of orange, white and purple the length of which makes her tanned legs look twice as long, a pair of white low-heeled sandals on her tiny feet. Her waist length hair was in a high ponytail, and a pair of oversized white sunglasses perched on top of her head. I was amazed at how she still looked as cute as she did in high school, but there was something about her self-confidence, and demeanor that said she was anything but a teenager. Making me so thankful that whatever cosmic forces were working that day, allowed me to find her to love, and be loved so powerfully in return.

I had finished eating, and was just taking a sip of my coffee, when our eyes met over the table and I felt her foot rub along my calf. Nearly choking on my drink I sent her a stern look that said "we can't do 'stuff' here you just wait till I get you home Mrs. Hudson."

I cleared my throat and started to speak but my plan to role-play with Rach was fast floating away on the warm summer breeze. Because her foot, moving higher up my leg and the sexy but coy smile on her beautiful face had me in an amorous mood rather than a serious one.

"A-hem now Miss… er?"

"It's um Mrs. actually." She says as she waggles her left hand causing the sun to reflect off her engagement ring.

"But I really don't know officer, how I can help you today," she giggles cutely trying very hard to keep up the pretence.

I frown and tap my chin with one long forefinger, smirking as I notice Rach's eyes widen. (I know she is thinking of my new favourite way of pleasuring her, because we are on the same page of the foreplay handbook).

"Hmm, well maybe you can't help me I'm sorry to bother you Mrs. ….er? I make to stand when she grabs hold of my left hand rubbing my wedding band.

"Well maybe if you elaborate more on what exactly you are needing officer, perhaps I can assist you, you know I would be more than happy to help in anyway I can."

"I guess it can't hurt to ask, though I really don't want your husband to think I am trying to steal you away from him, though he must be used to it because if you don't mind me saying… you are absolutely stunning, and any man would be the luckiest guy in the world, to have you as his wife. I sure hope he treats you right... now, where was I? Ah, yes … see I was looking for a petite brunette goddess about 5 ft 3 in, with the deepest dark brown eyes. The voice of an angel, I will not go into too much detail of her other attributes, like her super hot sexy body and the biggest brightest smile that makes her glow, 'specially when she gets her way, or her abilities in the kitchen and the bedroom. However, her heart is by far her best feature as it holds enough love in there for everyone she meets… Do you know you are exactly what I am looking for?

But I apologize for bothering you as you are obviously taken and it is extremely wrong and very rude of me to expect you to just dump your husband and run away with me."

"Oh my goodness, Officer… "She looks closer at my badge smiling when she says. " What do you know your last name is Hudson just like mine, do you know what I think?"

I shake my head, smiling just enough to force my dimples out of hiding.

"I am going to take you up on your offer to run away because I like you. I am sure my husband will understand, he only ever wants to make me happy, but if I did not know better I would swear you and he were identical twins. Now I think you can kiss me if you want to."

Through my loud guffaws, I lean forward whispering just loud enough for her to hear. "I want to" and press a deep kiss on her smiling mouth and for a few minutes, we loose ourselves in our own bubble of happiness. Pulling away breathing heavily I stand up and reach my hand out for her left one, squeezing it and raising her hand to my lips and pressing a little kiss over her rings. She picks up her purse and we leave the coffee shop, making our way through the automatic doors inside to the cavernous mall that sells everything from potato chips to fishing lures, bed sheets, saucepans and ladies stockings…

Xxxxx

Then all the progress I had made went right down the fucking drain…

As the next day was July 4, the town leaders, as they did every year, organized a family fun day and fireworks display to be held on the foreshore at the lake. Rach had been busy making a picnic for us to take which included some cold roast chicken, potato salad, bread rolls and apple turnovers and a little container of something, she called hummus, in which she dipped bits of bread roll. She had even made up a thermos of fruit punch with ice cubes to keep it nice and cold, which was perfect refreshment for a summers evening. I wasn't on duty technically but the captain asked all us guys who said they were going to make sure we had our police badge on us just in case of any trouble.

We arrived at the lake about lunchtime and were able to find a spot under the trees, not that far from the water and I realized it was the same spot; we had spent many of our high school dates making out. Senior prom comes to mind straight away and I smirk goofily as I remember what we got up to that night in the front seat of my dad's car.

It was enjoyable and relaxing watching all the people having a good time at the mini carnival, I was leaning up against a tree with Rach sitting between my open legs her back against my chest. We chatted about all sorts of things while we ate. A short while later we took our basket to the car, then wandered about the carnival hand in hand, I won Rach a little teddy dressed in a police officer's uniform on the football toss game. We had some candyfloss and a ride on the Ferris wheel. I had always wanted to kiss Rach when the wheel made it to the top, so I did we even took a photograph or two.

Afterwards we made ourselves comfortable under another tree ready for the fireworks. I was hoping I would be able to cope with the noises and such. When I said as much to Rach, she just assured me that if it become too much we would leave. Once the sun started its magic slide down the sky wall canvas, and the crowds finally settled down, Rach said she needed the bathroom, just before the firework show so she wandered off after kissing me saying in a teasing tone "don't run off with anyone else while I am gone now will you?"

"THERE IS NO CHANCE IN HELL OF THAT HAPPENING BABE; TINY, SEXY BRUNETTES ARE IT FOR ME." I yell after her beaming at her as she blows me a kiss over her shoulder, which I cannot help but make the motion of catching, then putting in my pocket. I laid my head back closed my eyes and was happily dozing. I could hear a disembodied voice of what sounded like a kid yelling for his mom to come back, but I was in my own little world, so I was not paying attention just enjoying the last of the day's sun on my face, and for once peaceful dreams. Waking up with a start when I felt a presence beside me, nuzzling into my neck and a hand rubbing along my thigh, that I knew did not belong to my wife.

I was abruptly forced to full wakefulness by the sound of a voice as familiar as my own, though at this minute it has taken on tight irritated tone.

"Oh for heavens sake woman, have you no shame? Kindly remove your unwelcome, self from MY HUSBAND'S personal space and be on your way."

By now I am fully awake and standing with my arms around Rachel trying to hold her back, because I can see her temper is about to explode.

"Finny baby, it is alright I promise, I am not about to have public fist-i-cuffs with this woman, I am going to calmly gather our belongings and move away , though I fail to see why we should be forced to move and have our evening spoiled… nevertheless we will. At least it will enable me to enjoy my evening with MY HUSBAND, watching the fireworks and celebrating our country's independence.

I would suggest you, Ms Fabray go and find your son who if I am not mistaken is that sad little boy over there crying for you and most probably thinking he has been abandoned.

I would wish you a good evening but I do not feel you deserve the simple courtesy. So I will say again, as you have obviously forgotten our 'conversation' from high school. Finn Hudson is mine… legally since October 1963, but if one really wants to get to the bare facts, then, September 2 - 1955 would be a more precise time line. Is that right honey?"

She turns her face to look at me and I just nod smiling at her spunk before leaning down to kiss her. Trying not to laugh aloud at Quinn Fabray's unbelieving snort and the total disinterest in her son who has now joined his mother, and hanging on so tightly to her skirt, his little fists have turned white.

"Your husband? You are joking right. Why would he marry you?"

"Because Ms Fabray… even though it is none of your damn, (pardon my language) business I love her and I have done so from the first day of freshman year, so go away and leave us alone."

I lean a bit closer so my voice does not carry to the child, and now quite large crowd of expectant firework watchers.

"Have you told your son who is father is? I know it was not Sam Evans because I held him as he was waiting for a chopper to take him to a hospital after he trod on a land mine, and he told me the real story. He died you know only a few hours after we spoke when the enemy shot him and three other good brave men out of the sky. I never liked you in school and certainly not now, so I will reiterate my wife's words go away and leave me and mine the hell alone!

I bend down to pick up our chequered picnic rug , shaking the loose grass off it and take Rach's hand pulling her away from the crowd towards the car, but we get no more than a couple of feet before the loud whooshing signaling the release of the first firework causes me to scream. "RACHEL NO" and drop to the ground pulling Rach as close as possible and covering her tiny body with mine.

The effort knocked the air out of Rach's lungs but she manages to puff out "F-Finn honey it is ok I promise it is just the 4th of July fireworks in Lima Ohio, I am alright and so are you baby, please believe me Finn."

I cannot move I am lying on the ground crying like a baby. Rach finally manages to loosen my hold, sits next to me holding my head against her chest, ignoring everyone and everything… even the fireworks have faded into the background as a dull thumping, and all I hear is Rach once she starts to sing

"When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

And in my hour of darkness

She is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the broken hearted people

Living in the world agree

There will be an answer, let it be

For though they may be parted

There is still a chance that they will see

There will be an answer, let it be

And when the night is cloudy

There is still a light that shines on me

Shine on till tomorrow, let it be

I wake up to the sound of music,

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be…"

"Come on honey let's get you home. I am feeling rather tired and are ready for bed. I allow her to lead me towards the car, afraid to let go of her hand, so she climbs into the car through the passenger side until she is behind the steering wheel, tugging me in behind her, and then reaching over me to shut the door. As soon as we get home, Rach tugs me into the bathroom and turns on the shower, stripping all our clothes off and once we are under the water, steam filling the room she starts to wash me using her vanilla soap and hums what I think is the same song from the park. Keeping her eyes locked on mine, she slowly massages my tense muscles. Her hand moves down my chest, making soothing circles over my skin then angling the hose to rinse off the bubbles. She gets on her knees and begins to kiss my warm body in a line downwards towards my dick, taking the head gently between her lips and slowly bobs her head until I feel myself going deeper into her mouth and touching the back of her throat. She begins to hum again, her hand cupping my sack and gently kneading it, and I feel some of the tension and stress leaving me.

"Baby that feels so good, god I love you, please don't ever stop loving me."

When I can't take anymore I pull her up towards me and slam my lips against hers, whispering "please baby I need you" she smiles and reaches up to kiss me again then turns around bracing her hands against the tiles and presses her smooth round butt against my rock hard member.

I groan as I push inside her at once feeling at peace, my hands find a firm hold on her tiny waist as the water splashes, the sound mixing with our moans and my passion filled groans, echoing against the tiled walls. I pound into my savior, knowing deep in my heart she will always be here for me. I feel my peak coming and pull out turning Rach around, she wraps her arms around my neck and lifts her leg enough over my hip to allow me to slide back in to her tight core.

"I love you so much baby, thank you for you." I pant out. I feel my tiny angel squeezing me and I give another couple of hard thrusts slamming my lips on to hers, her mouth swallowing my cry as I cum, shooting my load deep inside her shaking body.

Without loosing contact, I reach out to turn off the water and carefully lift her out on the bathmat grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her honeyed shoulders then sort of collapsing on the floor bursting into tears, unable to help it or do anything to make myself let go of Rach.

"Shush baby it is ok, I am here and I promise I am never going to leave you, I want to help you sweetheart just tell me how? I love you Finn… honey you will be all right, I love you nothing will hurt me baby."

"J-just keep l-loving me, I-I'm sorry I'm such a useless, needy …."

I hear Rach's voice hitch so I know she is crying as well.

"Finn Hudson, I promised to stick by you in sickness and in health, through the good times and the bad, and I am not going to bail on you now or ever! Honey, none of this is your fault, the things you saw over there and had to do, are bound to upset and hurt you. But you have me and I will do everything in my power to help you get better, because I love you with every fiber of my being and I do not ever want anyone else. You are now and forever more my hero."

"You are mine," I whisper

She kisses my teary face, and stands up causing the towel to fall off her glistening perfect body, and as I look up at her, I can't describe how much I respect and worship her for sticking by me. I know I have problems and maybe it is time to see a shrink. Rach and I had been talking about trying for another baby, and how maybe it will help me, and I dearly want that too but I am scared I will stuff it up and…

"Honey we will get our baby one day, and when we do you will be the best daddy in the world, but for now you are more important, we have plenty of time to have a baby. Now come on love lets go to bed…"

We climb into our bed and as Rachel again holds my head against the left side of her breast, as I suckle her she starts to sing,

"This world don't give you nothing it can't take away

Everybody holding on to something

Nobody wants to fade away

No forgiveness on the streets of this town

I left my patience at a traffic light

There's no denying that I almost lost it

Threw in the towel, too tired to fight

Tonight I need you

More than yesterday

Take me, touch me, hold me like you mean it

Make me come alive

Hurt me, heal me, come and make me feel it

Rescue me tonight

Love me back to life

These days I'd trade sight for feeling

There are days my feeling's gone

Can't figure out whose life I'm living

I don't know right from wrong

When I lost my faith

You found it and gave it back to me

There's a new light on your halo; it took blind eyes to see

That I need you

More than yesterday

Yeah I need you

Take me, touch me, hold me like you mean it

Make me come alive

Hurt me, heal me, come and make me feel it

Rescue me tonight

Love me back to life…"

As she repeats the last verse a few times, I let her nipple slide out of my mouth, and pull myself up the bed a bit, so I am face to face with my angel. Her tears are silently streaming, all I can do is whisper my thanks, and how I wish I had a better word than love because I can't express the depths of my feelings adequately, with just four letters.

The soft kiss she gives me is answer enough.

xxxxx

Things get worse after the July 4 holiday and for a few weeks I completely close myself off from every one, except Rachel. I still went to work but after speaking to my doctors, it was recommended that for a time I be taken off active duty and so I started as a desk officer, which was ok to a certain extent but was as boring as watching the fucking grass grow in the wintertime. Therefore, it gave me more time in my day to think about things. The circle of despair, and feelings of uselessness spinning around in my head non-stop. One particular day after a tough case of an abused wife Samantha Quinlivan and kids, (the husband Evan was an ex-marine) came across my desk. All I could see were the names, (it was too close to Sam Evans and Quinn Fabray and the familiarity must have triggered something in my head). I ran off to the bathroom and threw up until it felt like my internal organs would be next in the toilet, then sat in a corner of the cubical trying to be as small as possible crying like a baby. While my brain was bringing up all sorts of memories of Sam Evans the war and the many, many injured people including the children I saw in Vietnam. Then the movie jumps to mine and Rach's baby girl that we were denied the chance to know. I don't know how long I sat there for but finally I got up, splashed my face with cold water, and told the captain I had to go as I wasn't feeling good.

"Just take care Huddy, and let me know what you're doing man, Let your beautiful wife look after you ok? 'N you'll be ok man." He said as he shook my hand.

I just nodded dumbly as my voice had got stuck in my throat; I was hoping Dean Williams wasn't around when I left. Because he was the only person at the station, who thought PTSD was some sort of 'pretend' sickness. That wimpy pussy's used as an excuse to get out of going on patrol in the cold and snow, and made a point of saying something every time he saw me, and the way I was at the minute he would be lucky to get up of the floor if I saw him. I made it to my car and for a few minutes, just sat there resting my head on the steering wheel. I needed a drink; so on my way home I stopped at the liquor store and picked up a bottle of whiskey…

That one bottle led to two then three maybe more a week, I lost count and before I knew what was happening I was taking stress leave from the force and spending all my days sitting in the basement just looking at my shiny red drum kit. Too fucking scared to even pick up the sticks and hit the bass, 'coz every time I did it sounded like a gunshot in my head. Poor Rach was trying everything she could to help me, and all I did was yell at her, and then after she found my stash of whiskey bottles, I accused her of stealing my stuff and what was her freaking problem with a man having a drink if he wanted, it was none of her business. If she did not like what I did in my own house, why did she bother staying? She would be better off with some fancy smart dude like, that new Lima TV host Rod Remington or what ever his name was, with the suit and slick hair, at least he would not pull her down to loserville, she was a star and she needed to shine, so she should just leave me.

She did the same thing every time I blew up at her, she would just hold my face in her soft little hands and press a kiss on my mouth then say through worried tears.

"I love YOU Finn Hudson and I will never leave you, I know this isn't the real you and one day I will get you back. I know you are hurting baby and I am trying to help you."

Then, she would sing to me it never mattered what it was, but I would pull her tight against me and apologize, repeatedly for being a jerk, murmuring my words through my own rivers of tears that just kept falling and staining her clothes, I know she loves me and is only trying to help. I know somewhere in my fucked up head I still loved her, I would only ever love her, but I was so lost and confused and scared…

"I love you so damn much Rach. Maybe it is time I went to New York where they had special clinics for PTSD. 'Cause I' am so fucking scared one day I will hurt you bad baby and if I did that I would never forgive myself and more than likely kill my self, 'coz if I didn't have you… my tiny star, my life it isn't worth living."

"Finn Hudson don't you ever let me hear you say that, you know I am not me without you and if anything ever happened to you baby it would be the end of me, remember we are Finchel and we will get through this together, besides our babies need to know their daddy was strong enough to beat this.

I suddenly sober at her mention of babies and look from her face to her tiny belly, raising my hand to put over it, when she takes it and lifts it to her mouth, shaking her head and saying softly. "No honey not yet but one day soon"

xxxxx

By October 1968, two months after my breakdown Rach and I have moved into the New York apartment, her parents kept there for visits and such. It was in a nice quiet area not that far from central park. Referrals from my doctor in Lima, the Police doctor and shrink, as well as the records from the hospital, I was patched up in after I was wounded, were sent to a Dr Sidney Freedman, at the New York PTSD clinic.

Rach and I walked in to the pleasant waiting room and I told the receptionist who I was, hoping I would not have too long to wait. I was a bit early 'cause I was very nervous, talking about my problems especially with a stranger. However, Rach promised me I would be ok, and just to answer his questions honestly. She thought my sessions would most probably be a forum for me to talk about things, she promised to come in with me and said if I felt like it afterwards maybe, we could grab some lunch and eat in the park.

I was told the Doctor would see me after about 10 minutes of anxious waiting I had no idea what the Dr. was like or if he would just look at me over the top of his tiny half glasses ( did he even wear glasses?) would I have to lay on a couch? But when I stood up to follow the office lady, Rach's little hand held tightly in mine, I was met by a short, small built man with a mop of tight graying curls and a grey mustache. He immediately held out his hand for a shake and said in a soft, caring voice

"Hello Finn, My name is Dr. Sidney Freedman, but feel free to call me Sidney if it makes you more comfortable, please come in and take a seat in which ever chair you like."

I just nodded and shook his hand then followed him into his office; the light colored walls were covered in frames containing certificates and diplomas and just over his desk. I saw a photo of him sitting with his arms around the shoulders of the doctors that patched me up, Hawkeye and Trapper sitting around what looked like a poker table. I immediately felt relaxed and settled my long frame into a leather club chair Rach sat next to me facing Sidney as he lay on his couch turning onto his side and resting his head on his folded arm, and started to talk.

"Do you have any questions Finn? Before we start proper,"

At my negative headshake, he starts again.

"First up please don't look on these sessions as a typical doctor/patient appointment you aren't sick in the physical sense, it is just that what you have experienced, it just all became too much, and your mind has decided it has had enough and needs to rest for a bit. Therefore, for three hours a week we can just talk about anything you want. If you want to scream yell or even kick stuff over that is fine. Now from your file here it says you are a married and a police officer with the Ohio highway patrol yes?"

I nod and turn my head to Rachel sending her a soft smile, which she returns and squeezes my hand.

"Why don't you tell me a little about yourself?

"Um yeah ok… well I… um was born in Lima Ohio, and grew up as an only child. I was happy, my Dad worked at the Lima Steel plant and my Mom was a nurse. My best buddy Puck, who I met at Kindergarten was always at our house though 'cause his place wasn't real good, with his dad an' all, so I guess it was like having a brother. Anyway I played little league and by the time I was ready for high school my Dad said if I wasn't picked to play QB, then the coach didn't know what he was talking about. Well anyway, at tryouts just after freshman year started I was indeed good enough and got the top spot, coach Beiste really did know what she was talking about, 'cept a few of the other guys refused to listen to her. I helped as much as I could but after a while, they changed their minds 'specially when we started winning games."

"Was her first name Shannon by any chance?" At my nod Sidney goes on "I know of her, and agree that her coaching talents are good enough to get her to a super bowl team, but of course being a woman in a 'man's' world is extra hard. I knew a guy in Korea from Toledo Ohio, is that far from Lima? His name is Max Klinger, man some of the things he used to dress up in always trying to prove he was crazy but I heard after the war he stayed after because fell in love with a local girl, small world huh?"

"Oh man this is amazing you know three people I do and already I feel less nervous."

"Three?" Sidney looks puzzled for a minute

"Well yeah," I point to the photograph of him with Trapper and Hawkeye, hanging on the wall behind him. Making him turn his head and as he gets what I am meaning his face breaks into a wide smile.

"Those two misfits" he says fondly and shakes his head. "I still don't know the total amount they owe me from losing at poker when we were in Korea, but if they are the ones who patched you up then you my friend are one extra lucky guy. They are the best doctors I have seen, in all my years of practice, and like what you have experienced in Vietnam. Korea was hell but those two and the rest of the team made it bearable. I remember one tim…. No we are here to talk about you, tell me how you met your wife hmm"

"Rachel…" I sigh happily; smiling at her sitting next to me my dimples showing up in all their dorkyness, forgetting Sidney is even there, lost in my own world I start to talk about my Rach.

"We met when I literally ran in to her on the first day of freshman year in high school and knocked her to the floor. I fell for her the minute I heard her sweet voice, and did my best even though we were just friends, to protect her from the queen of the bullies…"

All of a sudden, my voice seems to be stuck in my throat, and I grip the arms of the chair so tightly my hands ache and my knuckles turn white. I want to get up but can't let go. My breath stops and my lungs burn with a need for air and the pounding of my heart feels like a jackhammer. Then all of a sudden, I hear Rach's voice and spin my head to the right locking eyes with wide brown ones as she raises a hand and strokes my face.

"It is okay baby I am safe here with you and nothing will hurt or take me away from you."

I lean my forehead until it touches Rach's and feel her lips on mine, my breathing and heart rate slowly return to normal.

"S-sorry I-I need the bathroom… won't be long. I choke out"

"It's down the hall to your left Finn" Sidney says, I nod my thanks. Kiss Rach on the cheek and leave the room.

"Is there some part of that story that has carried on since high school Rachel? It is not breaching patient confidentially, because you are his wife and know more about his background than I do, but if you can give me a heads up?"

"Yes of course, well it was like he said. On the very first day of 9th grade after Finn had accidentally knocked me over in the hall, and well… let me just say from that day. A girl a Quinn Fabray has had her eye on Finn even though he has never shown her the slightest interest she has had it in for me. After Finn joined our glee club, her and her cronies started to pick on our club mates; you know letters, rumors, crude drawings on bathroom walls that sort of thing even going so low as to lock our wheelchair bound friend in a janitors shed. Then Somehow dragging in to her so called 'cool kids group' some football players and other jocks, one of which was Finn's best friend Noah Puckerman, Puck to everyone else, though I know he was keen on her from the outset and perhaps thought that he stood a chance to get her to date him. If he went along with her he even told Finn that the problems we others were having were his fault for joining glee in the first place. Those words really upset Finn as he was finding such enjoyment, in music and a solid friendship with the other glee kids, who were and still are wonderful people. Finn encouraged Noah to join many times but he never did, until sophomore year when he realized that he was wasting both his life being an idiot and also missing finding his inner talent.

Rachel takes a few minutes to calm her own temper down, every so often looking at the door, while Sidney wrote notes.

"After the football team won the championship, in front of the entire school and our parents she made a play for Finn, (she was now a cheerleader and thought popularity was the most important thing in the world). She was always going on about being popular and winning the prom queen crown. As though that would gain her a step up into high society) and give her a perfect reputation, well she and I had an altercation when I asked her to leave my boyfriend alone, and well… she punched me in the face. After that most of her 'friends' stopped their childish nonsense, I also heard that Noah had given her a verbal beat down and told her to stay away from Both Finn and I. He then joined the glee club, showing himself and everyone else he was a good person and could get away from the small town mindset of being a 'Lima Loser'."

At Sidney's questioning look Rachel explains that a Lima Loser was somebody who was never expected to amount to anything and to stay in Lima doing whatever menial jobs they could like pumping gas or living off welfare, even turning to petty crimes, because they were just not interested in helping their own selves.

"Noah was also doing what he could to repair his friendship with Finn. But this girl who expected everyone to bow to her every whim still carried on with her nonsense, trying to spoil the one thing Finn felt comfortable and happy with, his music, then to top it off she tricked Finn's friend Sam Evans ( who was also in glee club). Into thinking he had gotten her pregnant after a drunken football celebration party, just before we all graduated senior year. Her father basically threatened Sam's family with ruin if he didn't marry her"

Sidney's eyebrows rose in surprise at this but he stayed quiet.

"Well to cut a long story short, Finn lost touch with Sam after school and it wasn't until Sam was injured and had been taken to Finn's MASH unit in Vietnam, that the two met up again, and as he laid waiting for the helicopter to transport him to the main hospital. Sam told Finn what had happened and finding out when the little boy was two, that she had lied and he was someone else's responsibility. Sam then filed for divorce and as soon as he had signed the papers, he joined up, and then the helicopter was shot out of the sky … well now, every time she sees Finn she makes a play for him saying she has missed him and other such twaddle.

Finn is reminded each time he has any sort of contact with her or hears a name that sounds familiar to hers or Sam's, and I think, he associates it to what happened to Sam and to a small extent what she did to me during high school, and he has a breakdown. In addition, his love of music has been lost because it made him happy and with all the horrible things that have happened to his musical friends… As well as us losing our baby when I was knocked down, by a mob of anti war protesters, and kicked in the stomach, as we were leaving a concert by his old band mates from college. It all just became too much and as you just saw my singing calms him it always has, but now I am so worried what if he has an episode and I'm not around…?"

"Rachel please…"

Just as Sidney was, about to speak the door opens and Finn walks back in, his face flushed and his hair wet. He immediately makes his way to Rachel tugging her onto his lap and sends Sidney an apologetic look. However, he at least is calmer now.

"Well Finn your beautiful wife has filled me in on what we think is the trigger for your breakdowns a particular name belonging to a woman from your past. Furthermore, I am sure we will help you overcome these problems. I do recommend though that you try to revisit your love of music and if you start to feel low, remembering things, then let the music take you over. I also think a few more visits with me, to help get the rest of it off your chest I am sure you will ok soon. Before our next session I'd like you to try and think of a word or phrase or even a happy memory that you can use as your 'safe word' for you to focus on when the feelings come back, can you do that?

I looked at Sidney then at my Rach nodding and smiling through her gentle tears, so thankful she had told the doctor what went on, I had sort of figured that, that name had been the cause of my breakdowns but I was so glad to have my suspicions confirmed.

"Of course Sidney I can do that so what happens now… wait you aren't going to put me on meds are you? 'cause there's no way I want that."

"No I won't, but I will give you a list of relaxation ideas to help you sleep if you have a bad night, continue to do what you love, talk to your wife and call me anytime about anything. Now have you any questions?"

I looked at Rach again nodding my head at our secret communication , " Um yeah well do you think it is a good idea for me and Rach… to um try for another baby, I-I mean I won't pass on anything or… you don't think it is too soon and I might freak out?"

Sidney blushes slightly at my question before he clears his throat

"Er um well I think if you two have talked about wanting a baby then I think as long as you are able to provide for and love one then by all means try away, I always liked the idea of being Uncle Sidney."

We all laughed at his little joke, "Seriously Finn you can beat these nightmares and feelings of uselessness and depression. You are strong and I can tell you have solid backup and support from your beautiful wife and I am sure you will make a terrific dad, just don't put too much pressure on yourself it will happen when it happens."

Jumping out of my chair, I let Rach put her feet on the floor and reached over the coffee table to shake Sidney's hand pumping it firmly in gratitude for his advice and not trying to fill me up with all manner of pills, like some of the other guys' had told me some doctors did.

"You are welcome Finn, I'll see you same time on Thursday alright?

Rach and I left his office and I felt free of thinking I was going to, go all King Kong type crazy at any given minute, and the thought of a Finchel baby… well man! That just made me smile.

We spent the afternoon in the park enjoying our hot dogs and pretzels from the street venders, talking about the session with Sidney and trying to figure out a good safe word

I had found a position not long after arriving in New York, as a mechanic at a garage only a couple of blocks from home. The owner George Watson totally understood if I needed to leave at anytime as he had suffered PTSD, as had his son Des, but unfortunately Des wasn't strong enough and let the darkness take him over, then just over a year later ended it all by jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge at only 25 years old.

I was doing ok after a few months, oh… I still woke up with nightmares a couple of times a week, but now I could even stay in the workshop, without freaking out. When George introduced a new guy by the name of Jonah Samson, who turned out to be a really cool guy, when he was at school in Atlanta he played QB too, so we had football to talk about.

Rach and I spend a lot of time making love and really enjoying each other, I mean don't get me wrong I have always enjoyed our 'romantic assignations' but lately I have been more into Rach's needs… I know she wants a baby and I do to, but I have just felt like I have been doing all the taking from her and not really giving back.

Rach applied for and was offered a job at the same clinic but working with children and women, some days she comes home so sad after hearing the stories, in some cases, they were family members of returned service personal. I was not surprised to hear of nurses attending her sessions, as I know from my own experiences; the nurses had it just as, if not harder, as they were in the wards with the guys all the time

xxxxx

After every session with Sidney, I felt so much better and after 5 months, I could hear the names, Sam, Quinn or Fabray and not get upset. Sidney was overjoyed and made me promise to keep in touch, but to please feel free to call him or come by and see him at anytime if things changed.

On my way home that night from work after I had my last session with Sidney, I stopped at the florist near our place and picked up a couple of dozen pink tulips to surprise Rach. I walk in the door to hear her singing along with the radio so I cannot help but join in. I have always loved the rock and roll type of music and have a large record collection but there is just something about country music that is so beautiful. Every song, like most music is a story, but country always gets right inside, maybe 'cause the people have really experienced life, I don't know, but I do know I love it, and the guy singing, Glen Campbell has some great songs. True Grit is one of my favorites as is the one playing now, Wichita Lineman.

"I am a lineman for the county and I drive the main road

Searchin' in the sun for another overload

I hear you singin' in the wire, I can hear you through the whine

And the Wichita lineman is still on the line

I know I need a small vacation but it don't look like rain

And if it snows that stretch down south won't ever stand the strain

And I need you more than want you, and I want you for all time

And the Wichita Lineman is still on the line

And I need you more than want you, and I want you for all time

And the Wichita Lineman is still on the line…

And I need you more than want you, and I want you for all time"

"You know it is rude to sneak up on a person and take over their singing don't you Mr. Hudson?" Rach looks at me with a faux pout on her face and her big brown eyes shining with mischief.

"Well yes I am aware of that fact Mrs. Hudson, I do know the police laws you know, but your voice is always so lovely and that song gets me right here" I press my hand over the right side of my chest, and sigh dreamily.

"You are so silly Finny, your heart is on this side" she giggles and is now standing in front of me her little hand over the top of mine, moving it across my t-shirt clad chest till it rests over my heart."

"It is beating really hard." I half whisper while losing my self in her eyes.

"Well do you think if you kiss me it will help the situation? Mr. Hudson, I have missed you today, and I need you, maybe we will be lucky this time."

We have been trying for a baby for months now and I know how sad Rach gets every month when nothing happens. I hope it happens soon 'cause we are nearly 30 and we want to enjoy playing with our kids in the park or chasing a football around, and Rach is worried that the older she gets might mean the baby could have problems or something.

As we pull apart from our intense, kiss Rach slumps against my chest, breathing heavily. I scoop her up and carry her down the hall to our bedroom. Laying her on the bed just looking at her beautiful face. I start to remove my clothes, maintaining eye contact the entire time, while I am getting naked Rach is doing the same thing and as she uncovers her already glistening, bare centre. I can't help but feel my breath, hitch in my chest as I gaze down at her. I hurriedly take off my t-shirt just as she lifts her tank top, leaving her completely naked, her chest heaving, making her gorgeous boobs shake. She is cheekily beckoning me over to her with a tiny finger.

I kneel either side of her body and lean down resting my weight on my hands, pressing my mouth against hers channeling all my love for her in that single action. My lips move off hers and down the silky column of her neck and along her collarbone, nipping her vanilla scented skin every few kisses, smiling at her soft moans and sighs. I continue my travels downwards chuckling deep in my throat at her insistent hip thrusts, as I get closer to where I know she wants my mouth.

"Is there something I can do for you baby girl? I ask innocently

"You know damn well what I want Hudson so please be quick and stop teasing me just put your beautiful enormous cock where it belongs before I die of frustration."

I am always more turned on by her bad girl language so as I position myself at her now dripping entrance I lean up and press another kiss on her mouth and whisper "I love you baby" causing a deep guttural moan to burst from her lips as I thrust inside her. Hoping with all I have that this time our juices mix in the right way to make our longed for baby.

As I push in and out, Rach matches me and our rhythm falls into place as if it is second nature.

"Yes baby harder, faster finny ooohhhh, yes just th… "

"Rach… fuck… I can't hold on much more baby cum with me, oh yeah that's it baby girl, god I love you…"

"Oh my god Finn please, YES, YES YEEEESSSSS! FIIIINNNNYYYY oh baby, I love you so very much baby."

I can't hold back any longer, shooting streams of my semen deep into my love. Our breathing labored, then rolling over still connected to Rach running my fingers through her hair as we lay basking in our love until our heart rates return to normal. More whispered words of love until soft breathing indicates she has fallen asleep. I reach out one arm to gather the bedding, covering up our still sweaty bodies' then turn off the bedside lamp. Praying to the stars to grant us the baby, we so desperately want and need.

Rachel and Finn had, had their prayers answered that night, but it would be another two months before it was common knowledge.

xxxxx

Rachel leaves for work as normal one Monday, looking forward to her session as she had been making great progress with her client Pam, who after being abused as a child, started suffering PTSD 5 years after the events due to being hypnotized in what she thought was a harmless party trick at her friends hens night. Rachel starts their session by singing one of her favourite songs then after the first verse Pam joins in.

"Morning Pam how are you today? Have the sessions been helping you sleep better now you play the music at night?

"Yes Rachel I think they have I put those tapes you made for me in the cassette player and the head phones on and thankfully I don't have as many nightmares. I really cannot thank you enough for all your help; I was beginning to think I was going crazy, because I could not remember why I felt like I did. Now the police are involved and I have your amazing help, I know I can eventually beat it fully."

"That is wonderful news, I am just glad I was able to help you, I know you will be alright. I think you will like this song; it was most probably from before your time but still a beautiful song. Oh my gosh, it makes me feel so old I was only a high school freshman in 1955 when it was released."

"Oh Rachel you aren't old and your voice is wonderful I bet you had all the boys chasing you in school."

Rachel looks down at her left hand and says softly, "There was only ever one boy Pam and I married him, now lets starts shall we? I will sing the first verse as normal and you follow along with the lyrics sheet I put on the chair next to you. Then you can try it by yourself ok?"

Rachel starts the music on the record player and once she starts to sing the words takes her back to the many nights her and Finn would sit cuddled together in her den listening to records.

"I'll never stop loving you

Whatever else I may do

My love for you

Will live 'til time itself is through

I'll never stop wanting you

And when forever is through

My heart will beat

The way it does each time, we meet

The night doesn't question the stars

That appear in the skies

So why should I question the stars

That appear in my eyes

Of this I'm more than just sure

My love will last and endure

I'll never, no

I'll never stop loving you

Of this I'm more than just sure

My love will last and endure

I'll never, no

I'll never stop loving you…"

"Oh Rachel that was beautiful, gosh I hope to one day find a love like that, I could feel the love you have for your husband and I don't even know him, thank you can we go again?"

"Of course Pam, why don't you star…" a knocking on the door interrupts Rachel's sentence and as she turns around a loud squeal leaves her mouth as she bounds over to open it and wrap her arms around the waist of none other than Noah Puckerman.

"Noah what are you doing here? Oh my goodness it is so good to see you… wait does Finn know you are in New York?" Noah cuts her excited ramble off by putting his hand over her mouth trying to hide his own happiness at seeing a friend.

"Whoa, hold up there little Berry, I think you are scaring your friend with your excitement, (he cheekily sends Pam a wink) across the top of Rachel's head making her blush. I will tell you and Finster every thing, what time do you finish?"

"Oh, um in about 30 minutes"

"Ok well you keep singing, fuck I've missed hearin' you work those pipes. I know you were singing for the Puckster, you've been hiding your feelings for me behind Hudson's giant ass for years, but I'm sorry doll I can't do that to Huddy. I'll be back I just gotta be somewhere, but I even let you cook me dinner for old times sake, how does that sound? But don't you go callin' Huddy, I wanna 'sprize my QB 'k?"

"Oh Noah you haven't changed" lowering her voice she says "and FYI it is his dick not his ass that is giant sized." At Noah's scandalized look hearing her speak like that Rachel bursts into loud happy giggles, he shakes his head and sends Rachel a big smile. "Okay Noah, see you later."

"Gosh, Rachel who was that? Was he one of those boys chasing you?"

Through her snort of laughter Rachel says, "No Pam but he is an old friend and he and my Finn have been friends since kindergarten, now how about we run through that song again from the top." She claps her hands reminiscent of Mr. Schue from glee club.

Right on schedule, Rachel walks out the front door of the therapy center 30 minutes later to find Noah waiting for her leaning nonchalantly against the wall smoking a cigarette, sending flirtatious looks at any pretty girl that walked past, throwing the stub on the ground, scrubbing it out with his booted foot as soon as he sees her. Then digging into his leather jacket pocket for a stick of gum throwing the wrapper in a trash can as they pass. Rachel says she needs to stop at the market if she is to make extra for dinner, so after grabbing some ground beef for meatballs and spaghetti as well as a long French stick for garlic bread and a few other things they are on their way. Noah surprising Rachel by taking the grocery bag from her. During the 15-minute subway journey, the pair makes idle chitchat, but not really touching on the past.

As she puts her key in the lock, she motions for Noah to be quiet. Frowning at his eye roll and hand motions to hurry up and his hiss of "Oh for fucks sake Berry"

"Finn honey I'm home, and I brought you a surprise baby, where are you Finn?"

At the sound of his wife's, voice Finn wanders out of the bedroom dressed in only a pair of sweat pants rubbing a towel over his head and shoulders.

"Hey baby," he leans down to kiss her deeply, "Mmm I missed you today how was your session with Pam? Is she getting better?"

As always, Rachel appreciates how handsome her husband is, with his tall solid frame, and toned body. Not to mention his sexy as hell tattoos and the dark hair covering his chest in tight curls, thinning to his happy trail sadly disappearing into his sweat pants… seemingly lost in her lustful thoughts of what his pants are hiding, she does not hear him call her name…

"Er Rach is everything ok baby? You went somewhere on me."

"Hm? Oh yes, she um sounded wonderful we sang an old Doris Day song. I missed you too so much, but Finny… I have a surprise for you stay there ok baby and do not peek."

"Er ok, but babe you know I don't really like surprises or having my eyes closed for too long… Plus I am half naked here, Raacchh?" Rachel ignores his whine as she motions their visitor into the room.

"Aw man still a freaking pussy I see, geez Huddy I thought you mighta grown some big boy's balls by now man." At the sound of the voice, my eyes spring open and a have a mile wide smile plastered across my face

"Puckerman? What the fuck man what are you doing here, Rach baby its Puck." I say excitedly looking over at my beaming Rach, then unable to help ourselves, Puck and I jump around like grade school kids on the first day of summer vacation.

"I know honey," she says through her happy tears and soft giggles. "I ran into him at the therapy center today, he is staying for dinner so I'll go and get started while you two boys catch up." Rach left with a kiss on my cheek and a beaming smile at Puck then headed off to the kitchen.

However before we could talk too much Puck looks at his watch and says, "He has to go but he will be back within 45 minutes".

We fist bump just like the old days before he disappears out the front door. Shaking my head at the day's events, I wander to our bedroom and put on a shirt and some socks, then into the kitchen to see if Rach needs any help with dinner.

"Can you believe it baby? Puck here in New York, was he at the center too or just passing?"

"I don't know honey I was halfway through my session with Pam and there was a knock on the door then Noah walked in. We chatted for a few minutes then he said he had to go but asked me what time I finished and he said he would meet me after and as a treat, I could make him dinner." Rachel playfully rolled her eyes at his demand "Then when I came out there he was, he even came with me to the market and carried the grocery bag the whole time on the subway.

True to his word, Noah arrives back at the Hudson apartment, 40 minutes later. Just as Rachel was dishing dinner up

As fully expected Finn and Rachel are speechless for a few minutes but nonetheless surprised at their friends 'surprise' but even to a stranger, there is no denying the little boy is a Puckerman, because he looks just like Puck , well except for the close-cropped mo-hawk he has shaved his hair into.

"Noah a son? Oh my, he is just adorable what is his name, when did this happen?"

"Well Bossyberry if you give me a chance I'll tell you" Rachel huffs and rolls her eyes at Berry but her interest is too high to let it bother her or point out she has not been a Berry for years.

"I met his Mom in Vietnam she was a nurse, named Peggy Elderbrook about 4 months before my tour was up. I didn't even know about him till she lobbed up on my doorstep, she'd never been with a man before and she said he looked just like me so…, and yes Berry I got one of them paternity tests done which proved 100% he was mine. She said she'd used her contacts with the Red Cross, to track me down and then just left the baby with me, when he was only a month old, without even naming him, signing over all parental rights and telling me to forget her as she was going to forget both me and the kid."

At Rachel's gasp of concern, Puck smiles sadly, "Yeah, well you play with fire long enough I guess one day you'll get your ass burned. His name is Chris, Christopher Noah, and he just turned two."

"Christopher, Puck?"

"Yeah well if it weren't for you man I'dve been stuck as a Lima Loser the rest of my life, so I took a twig off your paper halfway through sophomore year and changed my ways. I even saw that pansy assed play, you were always going on about Berry that had my namesake in it, and have to admit it wasn't half bad."

Rachel interjects through her wet giggle "It is taking a leaf out of ones book Noah"

While I am trying to hold back my laughter, just imagining Puck, the resident badass of McKinley High watching a musical play with fairies and the like dancing around the stage in tights.

Puck rolls his eyes and says feigning sarcasm, "Thank you Berry, well as I was saying his tone now serious, you've always been my hero man, even though it took me a few years to figure it out and stop bein' an ass, so I figure naming my kid after you was the least I could do… I do have one favor to ask though," Puck says nervously.

As he looked across the table at Rachel who was helping little Chris with his dinner a happy contented smile on her beautiful face, (he had always thought the tiny brunette was beautiful and sexy as hell. Even when he was being mean to her at school, but also knew she only had eyes for his giant friend, the same went for him). Finn noticed his gaze and followed it, his own face taking on a sad but at the same time a happy look. He cleared his throat turning Finchel's attention back to him.

"Anything man," I said

"Well before I say anything just understand that I have spent a lot of time trying to figure this out and searchin' all over this damn country for you two. But after seeing you both tonight with Chris…, I-I want you to be guardians for him and later on adopt him and bring him up as your own. I know you will make much better parents than me… I just can't be what he needs, plus unlike you Huddy I don't got a beautiful Jewish, American princess, to love and help me, and that makes all the difference."

We try to interject but Puck holds up a hand indication he has more to say

"I have been trying to cope with my own PTSD, which I am ashamed to admit I tried to fix by partying. I have a dead end job working in a hardware store and trying to care for a baby, leaving him during the day with my crazy half drunk all the time landlady at the shitty boarding house I live in, although I think most of the day the TV is doin' all the baby sittin'. I was too ashamed to go back to Lima and ask my folks for help because I knew how disappointed my Mom would have been with my playboy ways and the fact his mother isn't Jewish. I knew my old man wouldn't care but Mom and Joanie… well I didn't wanna dump my problems in their laps, they had enough of their own. I'm begging you to take him, he is too young to know any different and I know you would do what was right I have the papers all ready to go they just need your signatures, and the judge to ok it.

The lawyer dude who helped me said that if anything was to happen to me and no official guardians are documented Chris would go into care, and I want him to be better than me, have goals and dreams and not be ashamed to be himself. Not get into trouble and passed around from one foster home to another his whole life. Please guys at least think about it spend some time with him, he is a great kid, I really do love him, but…."

"O-oh my Noah that is a big decision to make, I fully understand the troubles you are having with your PTSD and will help you if you need it… but to just sign your child over to us…"

Rach looked at me, tears in her eyes then at little Chris happily munching on his meatballs, his little face smothered in spaghetti sauce, he was totally enjoying himself and completely oblivious to what us grown ups were talking about. Then he looked at Rach held out his hand offering the remains of his meatball to her and said around his beaming Noah smile, "Momma yum"

Rach burst into tears and rushed off to the bedroom, collapsing on our bed with great big breath stealing sobs. I followed soon after, and just wrapped my arms around her shaking body, whispering soothing words into her hair. She calmed down enough to speak after 10 minutes or so, looking at me with pleading eyes, her face puffy from her tears. I know how much she wants to be a Mom, but Puck's request has come from way out of left field and it is gonna take a little bit of time to get used to. She takes a deep breath and blows her nose, before asking me in a soft timid voice

"Finny please go and get the spare bedding for Noah and Christopher and tell him to stay the night. I cannot bear to think of that darling little boy being forced to spend another night in that terrible boarding house with that drunken slush in charge. I will go next door and ask if Mrs. Le'Rayne has some clothes, diapers, and such I can borrow for Chris. I know her youngest Stevie is nearly at kindergarten but I am sure she will have something.

While Rach was next door, I explained to Puck about our baby girl and how Rach was left to cope with everything when I was called up and how we had been trying since I recovered to have our own. By the time, Rachel returned from next door, her arms filled with a paper grocery bag overflowing with clothes, Puck and I have cleaned up the kitchen and given Chris a bath. He was now cocooned in a towel on the sofa watching an animal show about otters on the TV. Rachel unpacks a diaper and plastic over pants and some pins from the bag as well as a tiny undershirt and sleep suit printed with baby dinosaurs, she even puts on a pair of socks that have different colored toes. Making Chris giggle when she tickled his feet trying to get the little sock toes over his wiggly feet. Then lifts him up and cannot help but kiss his chubby little cheek before looking over at the men sitting at the table her eyes glassy with unshed tears.

She tucks the little boy in his makeshift bed smiling when she sees the little teddy bear dressed as a police officer that Finn won for her the other year, sitting on the pillow. After pressing another kiss on his cheek, she stands, switching off the main light just leaving the table lamp on then turning towards the bedroom, stopping at the doorway and looking at Puck, and saying softly.

"I think you and Christopher should move in here for a little while Noah, that way we can all get used to each other. That boarding house is certainly no place for an innocent child, I will start on the spare room tomorrow so please bring over what ever clothes and equipment you have, goodnight."

xxxxx

After a couple of months or so Puck is given the all clear from his doctors and is determined to reenlist in the army, as a chopper pilot just like he was on his first tour, his mind finally at rest over Chris. The adoption is approved by the court Judge, citing Pucks imminent return to the armed forces during wartime and the pleading letter he wrote explaining his request and knowing that Mr. and Mrs. Finn Hudson would be the best parents any child could ask for. The Judge, after doing reference checks on both Rach and I decided that even though the circumstances, were, albeit a little odd, took into account everything Puck had told him and our background history and Rach's training as a teacher. Thankfully, he ruled in our favor, giving Rachel and me permission to legally adopt Chris as our own and change his name to Christopher Noah Hudson as per Pucks adamant instructions.

XXXXX

Rachel had been feeling off for a few weeks and I was very worried about her, but she put it down to the stress of the court appearances and adjusting to life with a toddler. "I promise baby if I am still feeling off tomorrow I will go to the doctor."

I kissed her goodbye on my way to work the next morning and reminded her about going to the doctor, she was pale and I heard her get up in the early hours to go to the bathroom and throw up. In the back of my mind, I was hoping that maybe this time we got lucky and her sickness was due to her being pregnant. I kept my fingers and toes crossed all day. (Which I gotta say made walking a tad painful)

By 10:30am, she was at the local office of Dr. Greenly watching happily, as Chris played in the kiddy corner with some blocks, making what looked like a football field, and by mid morning, her suspicions were confirmed she was indeed pregnant. Her heart filled with glee at her news and she could not wait to tell Finn. She and Chris had decided to go to the zoo after her doctor's appointment, and by the time late afternoon arrived, she was exhausted, so as a treat decided that a takeout dinner of Chinese food was the go for dinner. Chris was asleep in his stroller; she giggled a little at the thought of being pushed around all-day could make a child so tired but he had a ball. She can still hear his happy contagious laugh at the antics of the animals, the otters and the penguins being his favorites by far. He really was an angel and such a loving little boy, considering so much change had taken place in his short life so far. He was so much like Noah it was uncanny even down to his mischievous hazel eyes, cheeky grin and eyebrow wiggle, which on a 2 year old was more amusing than sexy, as Noah always seemed to think it was.

One arm filled with the bag of takeout and her other on the stroller's handle Rachel, thankful more so now than ever that their building has an elevator, pressed the button for their floor, relishing the few minutes of quiet. She knew her husband was home because as she was putting her key in the door his strong baritone voice was singing along with a favourite Glen Campbell song. Rachel stops just inside the door smiling as she listens to her man's beautiful, and dare she say sexy voice, she is so happy to hear him singing again that it brings tears to her eyes. Well, she puts it down to that and not her pregnancy hormones. Chris wakes up demanding to be let out of the stroller's restraints and get to his "Daddy" Rachel shushes him for a few minutes by swapping the bag of food in her arms for his little body and waiting for Finn to get further into the song.

"It's knowing that your door is always open

And your path is free to walk

That makes me tend to leave my sleeping bag

Rolled up and stashed behind your couch

And it's knowing I'm not shackled

By forgotten words and bonds

And the ink stains that are dried upon some line…"

Thinking he has waited long enough Chris squirms out of Rachel's arms and races as fast as his little legs will go into the living room yelling for Finn as he goes,

"Daddy, daddy me momma did sawed odders 'n pengens, at da zoo why yo stop singin' cwisy sing twoo"

Spinning on the spot, I see my family my little boy and my beautiful wife with a look on her face that makes me think she has some wonderful news. I quirk an eyebrow at her just as Chris launches himself into my arms, and she just nods her brunette head smiling through her tears, as she walks through to the kitchen, I hear the clinking of china as she sets out our dinner.

"Did you have fun today little man?" his little head nearly nods off with the speed at which he is shaking it, "More singin' daddy pease." I couldn't resist the pleading look on his face,

"Ok just a bit or Momma will get cross at us for missing our dinner." Chris's hands clap wildly nearly hitting me in the face as I put him down to reset the needle on the record player. Then singing again smiling as Chris tries to follow along, only getting every few words right.

"It's not clinging to the rocks and ivy

Planted on their columns now that bring me

Or something that somebody said

Because they thought we fit together walking

It's just knowing that that the world will not be cursing

Or forgiving when I walk along some railroad track and find

That you're moving on the back roads

By the rivers of my memory

And for hours you're just gentle on my mind…"

"Ok buddy dinner time, come on, the two of us men, gotta look after Momma." Chris claps his hands again and says in his most serious tone, "Yeah momma good huh daddy?"

"The best buddy"

Rachel's pregnancy news makes me so happy; I decided that we needed to go back to Lima. For when our baby arrives, but just 2 weeks before we are due to leave Puck is killed in a chopper crash. One of his buddies from his base sent me a letter informing me of the accident.

Of course, we are devastated by this news but I do not suffer with any problems after the first couple of weeks. Which I spent mostly just wandering around in a daze seeing him and his damn mo-hawk or hearing his voice singing some rock and roll song in my head, and of course every time. I see a football game I can't forget about the numerous games I played as QB with him as my receiver and all the things we'd got up to since we were five years old. I can't understand how I am not as affected, over Puck's death as I was about Sam, I rang Sidney Freedman to get his thoughts and he suggested maybe it is because there is no certain blonde woman involved, and maybe 'cause I'll always have a bit of my oldest friend in Chris, he won't ever really be gone. But what ever it is I did spend all night after the funeral at the bar down town drowning my sorrows so to speak. Sitting at the bar, words were racing into my brain like a freight train, I asked the barman for a pen and couple of sheets of paper and started to write the words down.

We busted out of class, had to get away from those fools

We learned more from a three-minute record baby than we ever learned in school

Tonight I hear the neighborhood drummer sound

I can feel my heart begin to pound

You say you're tired and you just want to close your eyes and follow your dreams down

We made a promise we swore we'd always remember

No, retreat buddy, no surrender

Like soldiers in the winter's night with a vow to defend

No, retreat no surrender…

Now young faces grow sad and old, and hearts of fire grow cold

We swore blood brothers against the wind

I'm ready to grow young again

And I hear your sister's voice calling us home across the open yard

Well maybe we could cut someplace of our own

With these DRUMS and these GUITARS…

No, retreat buddy, no surrender

I attended his funeral along with Rachel, happy but sad at the same time to see Mrs. Puckerman and Joanie. She was very surprised to hear about Chris and the adoption, but was grateful to us for taking care of the little boy, that due to her ill health and now deep grief she would not have been in a position to do anyway, even if she had been asked. Rach gave her a photograph of Puck and Chris taken just before he went away the last time. Mrs. Puckerman also said she hoped we would let her visit with and get to know Chris.

Rach and I were a little hurt that she even had to ask that, and we assured her that we would send photographs and letters on a regular basis, and then told her we were in the process of moving back to Lima due to Rachel's pregnancy. Wondering if, when she was able, could she sort out a few of Noah's favorite things or pictures that, we could put together for Chris later on, as we fully intend to tell him all about his father when he is older.

Thankfully he is too young to understand, and does not suffer with the loss of Noah too much. He asks about him for a while but Rachel and I hug him tightly, trying to keep our tears at bay as not to scare the little boy, and take him outside to see the stars pointing out that the brightest one is Noah.

After our return to Lima, and we get the house organized, I stop by Hummel tire and lube. Burt Hummel is pleased to see me and is glad I am now ok, asking me in a round about way if I was looking for my old job back, as he had been having trouble with a string of dumb asses who didn't know one end of an exhaust pipe from the other. Happily, I explained that I needed the job, as Rachel was pregnant. Also how I was hoping to get back on the Highway patrol, providing I passed all the tests, and if I was ok to rejoin, I would give him plenty of notice when I was leaving, but if I didn't get back in I'd stay. He thanked me for being honest, and said I could start back in my old spot on Monday morning. I thanked him and we then spent a few minutes catching up, I asked how Kurt and Blaine were going, very glad to hear they were both doing very well work wise and personally, becoming engaged about 3 years ago. He said they were working with a group of civil rights advocates trying to change the marriage laws for homosexual people, but so far were not having much success. I said I was sure it would happen one day but as long as they were happy and together, that is all that mattered for now.

Life back in our hometown is great I can even see the name Fabray-Evans on the front of the local real estate office and not have any problems. Rach promises me she will be ok as now that she has Chris at home the only places she goes are the park or the doctors for her checkups every month. I turn my old bedroom with the cowboy wallpaper on three walls (we never did finish removing it all) into a playroom for Chris, he had building blocks and a little chalkboard, even a little canvas tepee. As well as all sorts of balls, I had started to show him some football skills but Rach laughed at me saying his hands were too small to hold the ball. However, I was stoked when it seemed he liked the football the best, making a point to show Rach how wrong she was. She laughed and conceded defeat, telling Chris to make Daddy work for the ball, just for being cheeky. Rach had made sure there were a bookshelf with lots of Dr. Seuss books and a guitar in there as well.

On my days off I start to decorate the bedroom next to ours for the new nursery, Rachel has just passed the five month mark and is just glowing Chris is just over 2 and a half now and as he grows, he looks more and more like Puck everyday.

XXXXX

I was happy being back in Lima, I had reapplied and been accepted back on the Highway patrol a couple of months later and happily donned my uniform again, and I settled back into the job with no problems.

The only concerns I had were about Rach and making sure she was safe and the closer her delivery date got the more nervous I became. 'Cause now Chris was closer to three than two and a half, he was more than ready to go to prekindergarten when the new school year started in September he was full of energy and was always asking questions.

Rach had taken him with her for her checkup at the baby doctors then they were going to the mall and I would pick them up after my shift at the station finished (he didn't know but she was taking him to the cinema to watch the new Aristocats movie).

I had had a busy day, it seemed every speeding driver had decided to come out today and just happened to be on my stretch of the highway. Therefore, by the time I clocked off and arrived at the mall. After ironically, being held up by a drunk driver that my buddy Dave Stewart was dealing with, and made my way to our designated meeting point, (which was by the bright pink coin operated elephant ride). My head was pounding and I was seeing the reports I'd spent all afternoon writing up every time I closed my eyes, not to mention the cramp in my right hand, thank goodness it was Friday and I wasn't on call over the weekend. So I was just thinking about spending the time finishing off the nursery and spending quality time with Rach and Chris and maybe squeeze in some Finchel time, now Rach is getting bigger she is finding sex an even bigger turn on. My mind full of happy thoughts, I arrived at the pink elephant just in time to hear and see my son with tears streaming down his chubby little face, and his hazel eyes wide with terror…

"D-daddy, daddy, momma falled down ….a-an that 'nuver lady wif wite hairs w-was sayin' nasty fings to m-momma 'n push momma ova" he then burst tears.

"What! Where is Momma buddy?" Chris just points in the general direction as I scoop him up pressing a kiss on his cheek and using my fingers to wipe away his tears. He snuggles as close to my body as he can get and nuzzles his damp face into my neck. I am running towards Rach who I see sitting on the bench hysterically calling for Chris…. and standing over her is the only woman in the world who has ever had a problem with Rach…

QUINN FUCKING FABRAY!

"Momma me finded daddy look you be ok now momma, my bwave daddy here now."

I press a hand over Chris's ear and in the darkest voice I can muster, I spit out "FABRAY GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY WIFE BEFORE I ARREST YOU FOR HARASMENT."

Chris shimmied down my body and launched himself at Rachel scrambling on the seat next to her and pressing his teary face into her neck as her arms wrapped around him like a security blanket, in her relief at him being ok she started to tear up nuzzling her face into his hair

"Oh Chrissy honey, I was so worried about you, are you ok baby?" she moves one hand from around him using it to cup his face and wipe his tears I see him nod his head, but not move from his position in his momma's arms he just grips her shirt tighter

A loud snort of incredulity and Fabray says in a malicious tone "How can you be this kids father he is a spitting image of that idiot Puckerman, I always knew she slept with him, and now she is letting you bring up his bastard kid? Oh, my god what a joke, you really are as dumb as a box of rocks Finny. But well I don't mind th…"

I am trying to hold in my temper, before I lash out and thump her; Rach has stood up and pressed Chris back into my arms, rubbing his cheek. Knowing I am about to explode, before turning to the blonde witch.

Standing up to her full height and even though she is heavily pregnant her tone takes on a razor sharp edge.

"How dare you talk about things you know absolutely nothing about, I really do think Ms Fabray you need to take a good hard look at your self. Before you start sticking your surgically enhanced nose in to other peoples business, I am not going to explain myself to you, as it is none of your damn business. In addition, if I hear of you spreading filthy untruths or rumors about OUR son, you will wish you had never crossed my path. I can and will have you charged with slander, thus tarnishing your business reputation in this town, and we all know Quinny that your reputation is all you have ever cared about and will do whatever you can to anyone just to keep it. So do us all a favor and leave us alone."

Fabray is standing slack-jawed at Rach's tirade and just as I move closer, she raises her hand ready to slap Rach.

"You touch my wife again Fabray and I will be more than willing to arrest you"

She bats her eyelashes at me and purrs out trying to sound sexy, while reaching out a hand to rub my arm "Why Officer sexy, do you like the idea of frisking me? Can we do it naked? I'll be all for that, at least I am still prettier tha…"

By now, a large crowd had gathered gawking at the spectacle of one of Lima's best known but least liked business people in the midst of a stand up argument in the middle of the Lima mall. Quinn glances around at the faces suddenly realizing her reputation is at stake, and then swipes a hand over her fancy hair do, saying in an overly fake sweet tone.

"Aw come on Finny I am only catching up with an old friend…"

"Don't try to talk your way out Fabray; I know you and my son does not tell lies. Neither Rachel nor I have ever fallen for your games and we are not going to start now, so take my advice and find a new hobby because picking on MY wife. The ONLY Mrs. Finn Hudson there will ever be, is old news. Now go away so my family and I can get on with our day. Just remember a holiday in jail won't look too good on your business planner, there aren't many houses to sell inside."

XXXXX

Rach had just over a week until the baby was due and she was uncomfortable, her Doctor had ordered her to stay off her feet as she was only tiny and the baby was big, just my luck I passed my giant Hudson genes on to our child. Chris was so excited about the baby and wanted to help with the preparations, he was thinking up names, and every chance he got would spout them out at us. Thankfully, none were definite as he changed his mind every 10 minutes and we really did not our baby called Spiderman, lorax or Astro boy. Mom and Dad are due to arrive on this afternoon's train, Rachel had let her parents know by letter sent to the last address she had in France, but hadn't heard from them, not really knowing where they were at any given time, as they were travelling somewhere in Europe still.

As Chris and I are waiting, we count the carriages on the other trains at the station. "How many on that one buddy? You try counting while I keep a look out for Nanny and Grandy"

"Ok Daddy" pointing with a chubby forefinger he starts his voice dragging out each number "1…,2…, 3…, NANNY, NANNY, Daddy look Nanny an' Grandy." he takes off and in his excitement nearly knocks Mom over with his energetic hugging of her legs.

"Oh my goodness Chris, who is an excited little boy? Hi honey " she says though her giggles leaning up to kiss me on the cheek then scooping Chris into her arms and pressing a series of noisy kisses on his face .

"Hi you guys' how was your trip…?"

Chris interjects with an excited full on ramble at the top of his voice about his nu baby and how he is gonna be the bestest big brudder, meanwhile trying to drag Mom up the platform towards the car, telling Dad and I to hurry up "'case baby is borned 'afor we get's home"

Rach is so happy to see Mom she bursts into tears, "Oh M-mom it i-is so great to see you, you are much too far away then just as she reaches up to hug mom everything happens at once…

Eighteen hours later, our son William Finn Hudson was born a whopping 9 pounds, 15oz. How my tiny wife managed to do that will always amaze me, I was so happy and when the nurse put him in my arms, I started to cry. Rach was still in the delivery ward apparently needing some stitches 'down there'.

"M-mom look it's our baby, m-mine and Rach's b-baby and everything is ok, he is beautiful isn't he?"

"Oh honey he is perfect and he looks just like you did when you were born, look Chris, do you remember" she wipes her tears and then says her voice going all soft, "Ooohh we need a photograph to match the one of you and Finn in your favourite arm chair dear"

Many pictures later, making sure to get some of my boys together and with me, I was left alone with Chris and baby Will, while Mom and Dad went out to get some dinner. Before taking Chris, home. I was just watching Will still holding him in my arms and answering Chris's multitude of questions as best I could, when the door opened and a nurse wheeled my beautiful but exhausted wife into the room.

"Momma, look we gots the nu baby 'n Daddy said me is a big brudder now an' his name is Willam Finn." Chris is trying to get off the bed and over to Rach, but I grab the back of his sweater telling him to wait a bit and let momma get into bed as her belly was sore, and to make sure we were real gentle with her. He watches with wide eyes, first at her very much smaller belly then at Will, then back to Rach, trying to make the connection, as the friendly nurse helps Rach into bed and makes sure she can reach the help button, before congratulating us on our handsome baby then leaving the room.

"Hi baby have you been good for daddy?" Rach opens her arms for Chris to climb into, and as he does, I make sure to keep his feet away from her lower body. "You are right you are a big brother and Daddy and I know you will be the best brother to William, making sure he is safe and loved. Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you already and now we have two handsome boys to love lots and lots.

Rach and Will stay in the hospital for about four days while her stitches heal and the baby nurse was happy with the way baby William was feeding and Rach was comfortable with handling a new born, as obviously Chris was a toddler when he came to our family. However, my Rach was a trooper and took to motherhood, like a duck on the pond or whatever the saying is.

Chris was so good with William (Will for short), and we were very happy to see he showed no signs of jealously at all wanting to help with the baby all the time, he even starting having his afternoon nap again when Rachel and Will had theirs,

Swiping a hand over his forehead and puffing out a big breath claiming "Dis big brudder bizness was vwery hard work"

Little Will was such a good baby, only really crying when he was hungry, (typical Hudson) he and Chris got on so well, although as he grew Will upset Chris by not showing the slightest interest in a football being more interested in the round basketball. The boys spent a lot of their time trying to out do each other on the scoreboard. Chris was hoping to follow a football career, after high school but Will seemed to follow his momma in the academics department, being ahead of his classmates, from the time he started the first grade, funnily enough he was the one to step in and solve any family squabbles. Sitting us all down and calmly listening to both sides and offering sound advice.

Many people thought he was the older of our two boys, probably because; as he was the taller and more solid of the two, and always seemed to be the more mature one. Whereas Chris was into his football and hanging out with his buddies at the skateboard park, doing all manner of heart stopping tricks, and half scaring his mother to death the couple of times she arrived a bit early to pick him up… He got the same look and 'talk' each time about taking risks…

"What would happen if you fell off that ramp thing baby and broke your arm or your leg hmm? You could not play your guitar or football, please promise me you will be careful."

He would answer the same every time his hazel eyes alight with teasing and his tone agreeable just to please his mom.

"Yes Mom, I'll try but man the rush I get when I scream down the half pike or do a flip trick off the top in mid air… it's gnarly Mom"

"Christopher Noah Hudson! Please do not scare me with such things; my god if anything happened to you I would be beside my self."

She would look at him and smile patting him on the leg saying, "You are just like Noah, always taking risks."

They would spend the rest of the drive home laughing and talking about how he and Noah are so much alike.

Once they both reached high school age, Chris being three years older, and Will just out of his teens both boys however were on the same page when it came to their parents 'romantic moments'

As they were totally over catching them, being all sappy and romantic, kissing or slow dancing or kissing or groping each other, or kissing, in some part of the house at any time of the day. With no indication, sometimes all it took was their mom's beautiful voice singing as she was doing her chores that made their dad act like a lovesick goofball. Or other times when her and dad were home early from work the music would be playing but they would be cuddled up on the living room sofa carrying on like a couple of horny high schoolers. The boys got their parents together and as a family did have an embarrassing 'discussion' one Friday night saying they needed to organize some sort of warning system, like maybe a sock on the door knob or had they tried locking the door?

Poor Rach blushed the deepest red I had ever seen, when the boys suggested the sock on the door, and after my laughter subsided , I spoke up in our defense, "We are sorry boys if our … er… um … activities embarrass you, but your Mom is well… just so hot I can't help myself you know."

"FINN HUDSON… don't speak like that in front of our sons' they shouldn't know about such things…" they are only babies she whispers

Both boys burst out in fits of laughter finally calming down enough to speak, Will says " Mom really we are 15 and 12, it won't be long before we have steadies, well Chrissy already has a list to choose from, all those cheerleade… "

Chris reaches over and punches him in the arm and Finn is taken back to his own high school days as he feels he is looking at clones of himself and Puck, they used to carry on the same way.

"OW man that hurt"

"You deserved it dude, I'll have you know I stay away from them cheerios, they are ALL bad news, the quiet ones in the drama and music classes are the ones to watch anyway, I promise to save some for you when you get to high school in a few years."

"Whatever, Will says and makes a half hearted attempt to hit his brother, while turning to their parents, but seriously you two it's like we are the adults sometimes and you two are the horny kids always kissing and groping…"

"That's enough Will, ok we promise to try and tone it down a bit … but you know your mom has a hard time keeping away from me 'cause I'm such a stud…" I can't help but wiggle my eyebrows at Rach who is sitting there mortified by the conversation. She stands up in a huff presses her hands onto her still tiny waist and levels me with a look that says, "You Mr. are sleeping on the sofa"

"That's it I am going to loose myself in the drudgery of the kitchen chores, as obviously the men of this house don't want me to be happy… but FYI if it weren't for our, "Horny behavior" you wouldn't be here." She flounces off, her butt wiggling under her floaty kaftan dress thing draped over her rocking body and her still long hair swaying across her back.

Us guys can't help but burst in loud breath stealing laughter at her dramatics.

"S-stick with t-the theatrical ones son, they are much m-more interesting and passionate anyway. I say as I stand fist bumping both my sons and high tail it after my wife, finding her with her back towards me as she is bent over cleaning out a knee high drawer, and as I grind my hips into her butt her sexy squeal of "OH Finny, yes please" reaches the boys and before long we hear.

"Come on Will; let's go play a video game in the SOUND PROOF BASEMENT" groaning as before they get down stairs the record player is switched on and their mom's loud giggles and dad's moans of "Oh baby you still do it for me" are heard over what ever record was on the turntable.

I scooped up my tiny giggling love and raced up stairs to our bedroom, making sure to lock the door, and tossing her on the bed and as I started to undo my shirt buttons, she without taking her eyes of mine slowly slid the floaty material up her thighs and over her head. Leaving her lying there looking like a goddess, in just a tiny pair of panties and a matching soft pink bra.

My loud groan of desire had me rock hard in an instant I stalked over to her stripping the rest of my clothes off as fast as I could.

I knelt on the bed situating my hands either side of her face, and shifting my long body along the length of hers. Rubbing my dick along her thighs and over her love cave, teasing her and as my mouth found her nipple and started to suck I felt her hands raking through my hair and down over my shoulders, her fingernails, digging into my skin making me groan deep in my throat.

"Please baby touch me, I want you Finny."

A few more minutes of talking to my girls' I raised my head and slammed my mouth over Rach's demanding she let me in, our kiss was deep and sent tingles all the way down my spine, till a need for air forced us apart. I then kissed her again this time soft tender ones as I moved my arms underneath her and held her shoulders as I felt her widen her legs and bring them up over my hips allowing me room to settle my throbbing dick against her tight wet center. Making eye contact I whispered my love for her as I pushed inside, groaning at the way she is still so tight. Rach lifted her hips to meet my thrusts each and every time, our movements never hesitating; we knew exactly what the other wanted. Her moans and sighs sounding as always like the music of angels. We fell off the edge together a few minutes later, gasping for air as though we had just run a marathon.

"God I love you Rach and I am so thankful you are mine, so thank you baby for you and our family."

"I love you too baby more than you will ever know and I will always love you."

"You know we have probably scared the boys for life now, Finn"

"They will be ok baby, but I mean they are both good lookin dudes and the ladies are bound to notice them, but I reckon they will keep to themselves till they find their one just like I found my tiny singing angel in the school hallway."

"Well let's hope they don't knock their girls over and very nearly squish the life out of her."

"Oh honey you wound me, maybe you should kiss my heart better, you know you can if you want to."

"I want to Mr. Hudson very much."

Loud giggles and moans again reached the ears of the Hudson boys who had come up from the basement 30 minutes later in search of food, but instead called for take out dinner, as they did not expect to see their parents for the rest of the evening. They just took their double meat and cheese pizzas and extra large sodas back down to the basement and having organized sleeping bags and pillows, two big bowls of popcorn settled in for a VHS movie marathon on their large color TV. They had a selection of their favorites including Monty python, Rocky, Star wars a new hope and Blazing saddles.

xxxxx

Rachel and I never hid the truth about Noah from Chris, as soon as he could understand we would show him pictures, tell stories and celebrate his birthday and such. Also explaining why he did not look like me whereas Will was a carbon copy of me at the same age, and when he was about 16 years old, we gave him the letter Puck wrote.

"Thanks, Mom, Dad, I'm just going out for a while ok, I promise I'll be ok I just wannna be alone". Rach and I watch as he heads straight into the back yard and the tree house he and Will helped me build a few summers ago. From the kitchen window, we can see as he climbs up the ladder and most probably curls up in his comfy beanbag chair.

Chris takes a few deep breaths to calm his nerves down, turning the thick plain white envelope over in his hands a couple of times, wanting to read it but not wanting to at the same time. He is nervous about what his birth father has to say. Even though his mom and dad told him about Puck years ago, he only has a very vague memory of the man, so he hopes that maybe this letter will fill in some of the gaps and make it a bit more personal. He takes another deep breath and slides his finger underneath the flap pulling out the folded sheets of paper, and starts to read.

Dear Chris,

I guess I should start by introducing myself; I am your biological father, Noah Aaron Puckerman, I was born in Lima Ohio, on August 25 1940, I always preferred to be called Puck, (it was more badass than Noah) but Rachel was the only one apart from my Mom and sister Joanie, who refused to call me anything but Noah. I am Jewish, and not a very good Jew either , much to my Mom's disgust, as I have always enjoyed bacon ( I blame Hudson for that due to the many meals I had at his place) and going out on Friday nights. I don't suppose you remember me but I loved and cared for you the best I could from the time you came to me when you were only a couple of months old, until you went to live with the Hudson's. Obviously, if you are reading this letter then my buddy Finn came through for me, like he has done since we were kids and made sure you got it.

I am sure Finn and Rachel have told you about me begging them to be your guardians and later on adopt you as their own just in case anything happened to me. They wanted to help but it was a big decision on their part… Well all it took to sway them was you offering Rachel a smooched up meatball in your chubby little hand and calling her Momma, the first time you met when you were just two years old. But Chris please believe me when I say I loved you, from the minute your birth mom (who by the way was a beautiful young nurse I met in Vietnam and had a very brief relationship with. But for what ever reason she wasn't ready to be a mom and I didn't even know I was a dad) until she tracked me down and signed you over to me and I did the best I could I promise, but I was suffering from PTSD and knew it would take me a while to get over that. I also knew that you deserved more.

I know Finn had a hard time adjusting after his tour of duty was up too, but where we differed was; he had a Rachel… (I used to call her My Jewish American Princess) a woman who had loved him unconditionally since they were 14 years old. For such a tiny thing, she can be very scary the way she will stand up for her beliefs and those she loves, not be ashamed to be herself and forget about the haters in the world. I am sure you have been witness to some of her long-winded rants and the way she recites the dictionary but her heart is golden and she only ever wants the best for people she loves.

I am also ashamed to say I gave her a hard time when we were in high school. But she never looked down on me or made me feel stupid, ( and boy did I do some stupid stuff) instead she told me I was talented and encouraged me to join their glee club, telling me it would be good for me. She had her own problems with a crazy blonde girl named Quinn Fabray, promise to keep away from anyone with that name, the same goes for cheerleaders Chris, if you ever go back to Lima Ohio, because they are poison. She would stoop to the lowest level trying and I am very happy to say failing every single time to get Finn away from Rachel, even though he never showed her the slightest interest. I am glad I woke up to my self and lost all the interest I had in her, after she slapped Rachel. I will not tell you what happened but one-day maybe they will tell you.

I guess what I am trying so badly to say Chris, is that I do love you really I do, but I just could not do the dad thing. Nevertheless, I hope you will grow up to be a better person than I have been, but then with Finchel as parents, you are bound to be, and you should be proud to call Finn Hudson your Dad. He was also one hell of a QB, and without being too full of myself, I will admit with me as his receiver we could have done some major damage if we would have followed football as a career. It was the same when it came to music, him on the drums and me with my guitar, Man! I can remember some bitchin' jam sessions we had, I hope you inherit those things from me, I reckon you will grow up to look like me, you do now, which isn't a bad thing, the world needs more Noah Puckermans' in it to keep it on its toes. But if you are musical then that is a bonus because Chris… music can get through even when the spoken words can't, just remember that.

Therefore, make sure you try your best to be like Finn, he was the best ever person and friend, any man could ever hope to have because it didn't matter how many medals or commendations a man got it was how he treated others that mattered in the end, and Finn was the best man I'd ever known. He saved me and that in my book makes him a true hero.

I am hoping to reenlist in the army once the doctors say I am ok , I found my place in the scheme of things Chris, and feel like I am finally good enough. I know the people who love me have always known I was a good person, but now… I KNOW I am, and I am happy being in the army having direction and a purpose in life , I know war is a terrible thing and the things a man has to do are sometimes awful and seem hopeless, but it really made me a man, and if I die. At least I will have made peace with my own self, I also know that you … and when I think about it are the best thing I have ever done, will be cared for by good loving people who will help you become a real man too, though I hope when you are grown the world will be at peace.

In closing Chris, please don't hate me for giving you up, I just wanted you to have a good stable life filled with all the good things, and know that as much as I loved you, I couldn't give you that life. I know you will be a decent man when you are grown and hope you remember me in some way

Take care,

Love from your father

Noah Puckerman

Chris could not help the tears that ran down his face in rivers, after reading the letter, of course he had known since he was little that Finn Hudson was not his birth father. Now knowing he was held in such high esteem in the eyes of Noah made him love Noah that much more. Finn was his dad yes, and he loved the tall dorky man with all his 16 year old heart, but now he had two dads, who were both brave, strong men doing in life what they could to help others. Chris Hudson had never been prouder of any one before in his life. He wipes his eyes on his shirtsleeve and tucks the letter back into its envelope, climbing out of the tree house smiling to himself when he sees his parents through the kitchen window, trying not to look like they are waiting for him, anxious expressions on their faces.

The minute he walks in the door, they are sat the table with what Chris can see are empty coffee mugs and his dad 'reading' an upside down newspaper, and his mom folding the dishcloths.

Trying to make his voice light to put their minds at rest he says, "You know you two make the worst spies ever" and before his sheepish looking parents can formulate an answer or excuse. He leans over to hug his mom and says into her neck, "Thank you Momma" He then turns to his dad and holds his hand out for a fist bump and when it was done hugs the man saying softly "Thanks Dad, I am proud of both my Dads' and hope to be just like you when I'm a grownup."

*XXXXX*

A/N: I decided to break this chapter into two parts, mainly due to the length.

Please let me know what you thought. Part 2 will be up in a few days.

Thanks for reading

Cab4five