Disclaimer: This story is based on characters created by L.J. Smith, as portrayed in the TV series created by Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec. All rights to their respective owners. No copyright infringement intended.
Author's Note: I've made another time-jump here, about a week forward. Elena hasn't heard from Stefan again and she hasn't replied to his text.
A STRANGER IN MY HOME
-10-
Elena was excited for night class. They were analyzing poetry tonight, and their assignment had been to read The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. She had read the poem over and over again. One of the sentences made her reflect on her own life. She wanted to share her thoughts with the class, but it felt too private. She settled for a shallow interpretation.
"You want so much out of life, and there are so many choices. But we never know which is the right one, so we're left feeling confused and thinking 'what if'."
"Thank you, Elena," Elijah said. "You actually raised an interesting point. The popular interpretation is that the poem is a tribute to individualism and non-conformity, that the speaker takes a road few others have taken. But critics have favored the ironic interpretation that the poem is about making personal choices and rationalizing our decisions, whether with pride or regret. According to Frost himself, the poem is intended as a gentle jab at his great friend and fellow poet Edward Thomas, with whom he used to take walks through the forest - Thomas always complained at the end that they should have taken a different path - and seemed amused at the interpretation of the poem as inspirational."
"What of the sigh, then?" Elijah turned to the rest of the class. "I shall be telling this with a sigh – is it a sigh of regret?"
"I believe Frost said the sigh was a joke on those who thought he could ever be sorry for the road he had taken in life," a young male student dressed in a black turtle neck said.
"Well, the irony lies in how the speaker basically says the two roads are so similar, yet claims to be sorry for his choice," Sophie said.
"It's like… why be sorry? When it's done, it's done, you know?" another female student said, popping her gum.
When class let out, Sophie was in a hurry to meet her husband, and the rest of the class also disappeared before Elena had gathered her things. When she was about to leave, Elijah came up to her.
"Thank you for your input tonight, Elena. Have you considered going for your college degree?"
"Um… I don't know yet. It's… I have a lot going on in my life right now."
"Many choices, huh?"
"Something like that."
"I'd like to hear your thoughts on the poem. I feel like you barely skimmed the surface with your answer, and I have a feeling you've thought about this a lot. Am I wrong?"
"No."
"Are you in a hurry to get home?"
Elena thought about it for a minute. The only thing waiting for her at home was Damon, who could care less if she was there or not. "No, not really," she decided on and sat back down.
"So tell me about it," Elijah urged her on.
"Well, I keep reading this same sentence over and over…. "long I stood and looked down as far as I could"… It's like… you have all these choices, but you don't know what the outcome will be of those choices. You know what you have, but you don't know what you could have. It's scary, taking chances on unknown roads. It could backfire. You could end up in some dark gorge from which you'll never escape, or you could find happiness. But if you let an opportunity pass because you're afraid, then you might live to regret it. Who's to say which is the right choice?"
"You realize you're using the third person singular for a gender neutral individual a lot, right?"
"Huh?"
"You keep saying 'you', instead of 'I'. You're distancing yourself from your feelings about the poem."
"Oh. I guess… it's too personal."
"Some of the best works of literature come from drawing from personal experience. Some of the most captivating stories are true, or at least based on reality."
"You're probably right. But I'm not ready to put my life on display."
"That's fair."
Elena said goodbye to Elijah and got in her car. She took out her phone and looked at the text from Stefan again. She owed it to herself to figure out her feelings about Stefan once and for all. Maybe then she'd be able to move on.
Ok. Elena texted Stefan. Seconds later, she got a reply.
Where do you want to meet?
Elena took a deep breath. Coffee shop on Elm Street, two blocks from the court house. Noon tomorrow.
"I'm scared."
"What's wrong?" Damon said as he watched Elena swirling a glass of wine. She never drank. She didn't like the reminder.
"I'm afraid I'll make the wrong choice again. I'm afraid I'll get lost again. I would never have left Stefan if it weren't for you. Who's gonna save me from myself if I go down that same road again?"
"I'll always be there for you, Elena," Damon said carefully.
"You can't be. You have your own life. I've burdened you long enough. I should leave."
"Elena, no!" Damon sat down beside her and took her hands in his, setting her wine glass aside. "I don't want you to leave."
"You deserve more than this. So do I," Elena said sadly.
"Where's this coming from?"
"From me. I've been thinking about this for some time now… I can't stay here forever. I'm tired of being weak."
"Have I made you feel like you are?"
"No. Maybe. I don't know. I just… I depend on you for so much. It's not fair to you."
"What are you talking about? I love… having you here," Damon quickly covered. He couldn't tell her how he felt. He wouldn't do that to her. The state she was in now, her emotions were all over the place. He didn't want to take advantage of her. But she had to know he genuinely cared about her.
Elena slipped her hands out of Damon's grasp and looked away from his sincere and soulful eyes. "I'm gonna go to bed. Good night Damon," she mumbled and headed up the stairs.
Damon was incredibly frustrated. Both with Elena and with himself. The rational part of him told him that Elena was out of balance and that she couldn't see what she meant to him, but his heart was screaming at him to do something. He quickly changed into a pair of sweats and went for a run. Perhaps, if he ran fast enough, he could escape these feelings that were suffocating him.
Elena had a knot in her stomach all morning and she couldn't concentrate. She kept dropping things and making stupid mistakes. When the clock approached noon, she felt as if she was in some old Western, where the gunmen were waiting for the clock to strike twelve. She was meeting her destiny at high noon. She felt waves of panic rushing over her but kept them at bay with Damon's breathing techniques.
When Elena approached the coffee shop, the knots in her stomach had turned to boulders, and the boulders had turned into solid rock walls, protecting her heart. She shut down. It was a strange and oddly comforting feeling. She suddenly felt as if no-one could touch her. She felt strong.
"Thank you for meeting me," Stefan said calmly as he rose from his seat.
"You said we needed to talk," Elena said coldly, sitting down opposite him. "I'm prepared to listen, if that means I never have to hear from you again."
"You look different," Stefan said.
"Oh, you mean no bruises? Yeah, it's new."
"And a new attitude… am I to thank my brother for this?" he said, his jaw clenched.
"What is it you want, Stefan?" Elena said as the waitress set down a plate of burger and fries in front of her. "Thank you," she smiled at the woman.
"I wanted to see you. It's been awhile…"
"Yes. It has. Time has practically flown by."
"Not for me."
"Oh?"
"Every minute without you has been pure torture."
"Huh… much like every minute I spent with you was…"
"Don't be like that, Elena."
"Like what? I'm not allowed to be angry, Stefan? Because I didn't beg you to stop hurting me all the years we were together?"
"I was wrong. I'm sorry, Elena. When you left… I left some terrible messages on your voicemail. I lost control. I got into a fight with my boss and he pressed charges. When you saw me at the court house… I was there for my hearing. I got off easy, the judge sent me to anger management classes and I have to do 100 hours community service. I started going to AA-meetings as well. I'm one week sober."
"Well… that's… great, Stefan. I'm glad you've turned your life around. I'm just sorry it had to come to this."
"Do you think… would you give me another chance?" Stefan sounded almost pleading.
"Stefan… I can't."
"Is this about Damon? Are you sleeping with him?" his voice turned cold.
"No! Is that what you think of me? That I left you for your brother? I left because of you. Because of what you've become. You took something from me, Stefan. Something that Damon's trying to give back."
"What?"
"My life."
"He'll never love you like I do," Stefan said coldly.
"I should hope not," Elena replied with equal coldness. She rose from the table, leaving her plate of food untouched. "Goodbye, Stefan. I hope you have a good life. I just know… I don't want to be a part of it." With that, Elena left a stunned Stefan behind, and as the door to the coffee shop closed behind her, she let out a sigh of relief. This chapter of her life was finally over.
Author's Note: The poem analysis is from Wikipedia, and from my own notes for my English literature class. Elena's thoughts on the poem are all mine : )
About Elena's reaction to seeing Stefan (shutting down)… I do that a lot. Things happen in life, as we all know, and we deal with them in different ways. I've shut down on several occasions where the hurt was too much, and it has kicked me into new bouts of depression every time. So that's where my interpretation of Elena's feelings is coming from… but don't worry, I won't let her get too depressed. I really need to start writing more positive chapters soon… Thank you all for sticking with this story : )