Chapter Ten: Revelations

Ana returned to Gideon's penthouse and before she could explain he suggested that she shower and change into something comfortable. She took her time in the shower letting the hot water soothe her. She dried her hair and pulled it back in a simple braid then dressed in sweats and one of Gideon's Cross Industries, Inc. t-shirts. It made her smile because the material was soft and smelled of Gideon.

Gideon was sitting on the sofa in the living room. He had opened a bottle of wine and prepared a fruit and cheese plate for them to enjoy. He smiled as he stood when she entered the room. Even without makeup and wearing her comfy clothes she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He opened his arms and beckoned her to come to him. They embraced tightly and Ana savored his warmth.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you Gideon. You don't deserve this." She said into his chest. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "I don't want to hurt you."

Gideon wiped the tears from her face. "I'm a big boy, Ana. You didn't hurt me." He softly kissed her lips. "Would you like a glass of wine?" She nodded and took a seat on the sofa. After he poured her a glass he handed it to her. "I owe you an explanation." She declared then took a sip of the white wine. "I met Christian when I was finishing my Senior year at WSU at Vancouver. My room-mate was scheduled to interview him for the college newspaper but she caught the flu and she asked me to go in her place. I went and found him over-confident, arrogant, and extremely handsome. He says he fell in love with me during that interview because I challenged him. I went back to Vancouver to my little college life and the next thing I know Christian Grey is at my work, giving me his private phone number, and agreeing to a private photo session for the article. I learned later that he had run a background check on me and found out all my personal information such as where I worked and if I had a boyfriend. He was stalking me I guess you can say. After the photo session he asked me out for coffee and we talked. He sent me expensive books and he did save me from an over amorous friend who thought he was in love with me. Christian took me to his hotel room and watched over me for the night while I slept off my first drunk." She had to laugh. "He invited me to Seattle to his apartment and even flew me there in his helicopter." Gideon was frowning thinking that Grey was trying to impress the girl with his wealth. "Of course I was in seventh heaven. This good looking guy was paying attention to me. I never considered myself a pretty girl like Kate or those perfect super-models. I was just little Ana Steele, book worm and nerd. I never had a boyfriend and only been kissed by a boy twice in my life. Christian took me to Seattle not for a date, but to explain the relationship that he wanted me to have with him." She stopped to see Gideon's reaction. He just sat back and waited for her to continue. "Gideon, I know you are a very worldly man and know about alternative lifestyles…and what I am about to tell you has to remain between us forever. You can't never tell a soul about this or use it for any purpose. Do you agree?"

"Of course, Ana. I would never betray you or your confidence." He said leaning forward and taking her hand.

"Christian took me to Seattle to show me his playroom…his BDSM playroom. He wanted me to be his submissive. He had me sign a NDA and then he gave me this contract that outlined that relationship that he wanted. It was just to be sex and punishment. Of course, I tried to be the cool and confident young woman of the world, but I was scared to death…not of him per say, but because I was still a virgin."

"Ana!" He exclaimed. "Did he…did you lose your virginity in a scene?" He knew a little bit about the lifestyle.

"No, when I told him that I was a virgin he freaked out. He really wanted this between us, but he didn't think a girl should lose her virginity in a non-vanilla way. He took me to his bedroom and made love to me instead of his usual fucking hard, as he called it."

"Did you sign the contract?"

Ana shook her head. "I never did. He knew I wasn't a sub. I did go to his playroom a few times because I did agree to become what he wanted, but we never got around to signing the contract. He took a belt to me once to show me how bad his punishments could be and I left him. I didn't want to be beaten. We were separated for five days and then he came back after me offering a different relationship. A boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that still had some kinky fuckery to it, but he got rid of the most severe instruments like canes, whips, and belts and he tore up the NDA. I enjoyed the toys and I will admit I enjoyed the flogger when administered lightly. We were engaged on his birthday and started to plan our wedding. I wanted a long engagement because I was starting a new job at WP and we needed time to learn about each other. We had moved so fast, that we didn't know each other except physically. As my career took off and I had more responsibilities we began to fight more and more. He would end up sleeping alone until he couldn't stand it anymore then came crawling back apologizing until I forgave him. Our last fight was over the fact that he went to a BDSM club and rented a sub for a scene. He was photographed beating this woman with a cane and those photographs were sent to me at my place of employment. I broke off our engagement and gave him back the ring and all the gifts that he had given me. I didn't want anything of his to remind me of his betrayal and to me renting a sub was a betrayal even if he didn't fuck her." She took another sip of her wine. "He used to call me baby and at times he treated me like one. He wanted to control every aspect of my life which caused our fights. He suffocated me and I let him because I loved him. I just couldn't live with or marry a man that I could no longer trust."

"Why do you think that I wouldn't want you anymore? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I think he has ruined me. I can't…and you said…I am scared of you, Gideon. I adore you, but I am frightened of the pain you could cause me if you decided that you didn't want me anymore." She stood up and began to pace before him. "Today you bruised me and I won't lie, it hurt, but I liked it, I got off on it. It was when you called me baby that I freaked. I need to know that you are not in the
lifestyle. I can't do that anymore. I don't mind a hard fuck, but I won't be abused or hit."

"Goddess, I am a dominant but I don't hit women for sexual pleasure. I do like to fuck hard and I am sorry that I hurt you. I like to have the upper hand in a sexual relationship, but honey, what we have is more than sexual. I love you, Ana, and I want you to love and trust me." He went to his knees before her. "When you are ready I will be more than happy to accept that love and trust."

Ana looked down at him. "You don't think I am sick and twisted because I let him do the things that he did?" She sniffed. "Or, that I liked a lot of it?"

"Honey, I like to play also with toys and you know I like to fuck hard. I just don't want to hurt you in any way. You are too precious to me. You are a lady and deserve to be treated like one. You are the one, Ana. You are my one and only." He took her hands and held them tenderly in his own. "I have not lived a monk's life, you know that. I have fucked a lot of women in my life, but that is all that is was. It was just fucking. I never dated my fuck buddies and I never fucked my female friends. I never brought any woman back here to my penthouse or had them in my office like I have with you. I kept a hotel room in one of the hotels that I own for those hookups." He looked down at her long fingers. She was so delicate yet he knew her to be a strong woman, probably the strongest woman he had ever met. "I never wanted a relationship. I just wanted to fuck and go. But, then you came along and changed everything. You made me grow a heart. I wanted you and I still want you. If you don't want me to call you baby, I won't. If you aren't ready to say the "L" word, I will wait until you do. All I know is that I can't live without you in my life and beside me not just in my bed, but in all aspects of my life."

Ana fell in love with him more at that moment. "Gideon, I do care a great deal for you and I do …you know…the "L" word…I just can't say it. I said it to him and he broke my heart."

Gideon pulled her close and wrapped his arms about her waist and laid his head on her stomach. "I will marry you someday, Ana Steele. You take your time, and when you are ready and feel more secure then you will be able to say it." He kissed her belly. "Someday my sons will rest in here." He looked up her to see her shocked reaction. "I want to have babies with you when you are ready."

"Gideon." She breathed. Marriage and babies with Gideon Cross? She didn't expect that. Christian wanted to marry her, but he said very little about babies. He never wanted to discuss them having a child, but Gideon was saying babies. "I would love to have your babies."

They began to laugh and she hugged his dark head and placed kisses upon his dark hair. She joined him on the floor and they rolled upon the carpet kissing each other hungrily. She was pulling at his clothing wanting to feel his warm flesh. She could never touch Christian like this. He tolerated her touch for awhile, and then he would pull away. The man had dark issues that she could never break through. In the back of her mind, she wondered if Gideon had dark issues that caused his night terrors. He hinted at them once in awhile, but he had never shared what caused them.

"Ana, whoa…slow down." He didn't push her away, but held her hands up to his mouth and kissed her fingers. "You need to tell me about your nightmares. I hear you crying sometimes at night."

She lost her smile. "You tell me about yours and I will tell you about mine."

Gideon lost his grip on her hands and they dropped away from him. How could he tell her why he had to take medication to sleep and squelch the nightmares that plagued him? She would never understand. She would think him damaged. She would leave him. "I can't."

"You can't or you won't, Gideon?" She asked lowly. She had shared her past with him but he couldn't tell her about nightmares. "If we are going to have any chance of a future and have the family that you want we have to be honest with each other."

"Ana, it's too horrible. You don't need to know. You would hate me."

She sat up and stared down at him. Just like Christian! She had to pull the truth out of the man about his childhood and the abuse that he suffered through. What was with her attracting broken

men that didn't want to or couldn't share their grief and fears? Did she send out a signal for such men? She got to her feet and went back to the sofa and poured more wine into her glass. She stared out the window admiring that city skyline against the afternoon light. Once again she was in a relationship with a man who did not trust her enough to share his fears. "I think I should go back to my apartment for tonight. We need space."

"No!" He said too loud. She jumped at the sound of his hard voice. "You can't leave me."

"I'm not leaving you, Gideon. I'm just giving us some space to breathe."

"You leave me and I won't be able to breathe. Ana, no…don't leave here. If you need space, use the guest room…but don't walk out on me."

"You don't trust me." She whispered. "If you did, you would want me to know all your secrets if only to protect myself from whatever it is." She became stoic and didn't show any emotion. She sat looking forward and swirling her wine in her glass. She could hear him breathing hard. He was in a fearful state. "I won't leave. I promise, Gideon, I won't leave."

He slowly came to his feet. She was staying but she was already gone emotionally. He could see her shutting down. She couldn't say "I love you" and he couldn't tell her why he had night terrors. They were a fucked up couple. Maybe that is why they worked so far, but was it enough to keep them together? Would she ever trust him enough to say that she loved him and would he trust her enough to tell her why he wakes up screaming? Would their pasts ruin their future?