hey guys i am so sorry alot of things have been going on lately and i had writers block which was stressing me out as well as exmas and assignments. please forgive me and i am starting next chappie but its not going as i expected so yeah...

and huge thanks to Dary , you are my hero. to be honest with you all she is one who inspired me to write with her kind words and reassurance i finished this chapter:)

and a special thankyou to me beta mai who gave me feebck on the chappie.

some of you may think this is a depressing chapter, but i do promosie things will get better:D

love you all and don't forget to review as for the previous chappie i have not so much feedback, just be honest with me it really helps..

anyways enjoy

tearswillfallxo

With everything going on inside of me I built up the courage to look at Alice and truly tell her what was going on. She had been left in the dark for too long. Now it was my turn to let everything out that I had been holding onto like the remains of a scent that starts to fade. I could feel my self shiver even though it really wasn't that cold and took a couple of deep breaths and then gazed into those hazel orbs and felt the weight being lifted of my shoulders.

I dropped my gaze down to floor and released another shaky breath.

"Alice I suffer from agoraphobia" I said as I felt a tear graze my cheek.

"Bella, I… I … I don't understand" I could hear the fear in her voice.

"Alice it means I suffer from a ph-ob-ia" I said stressing on the word.

"Bella what is this phobia" I see Alice was trying to understand but I wasn't providing much information for her to understand the situation.

"Agoraphobia is when a person fears they might have an anxiety attack and can't be in

Crowds for fear of panic" I could feel the lump in my throat swelling up and I didn't at all feel comfortable with where this situation was going.

"Oh Bells…. But how" Alice hugged me

"Alice, I really don't know… I just started to isolate myself from crowds of people and tried to look invisible and this is where it left me" I said fearfully. I then felt myself erupt into tears and released myself gently from Alice.

"Bella do you want to talk about it" I felt the anxiety of Alice's question lingering in my mouth.

"There's nothing to talk about Alice I am no longer the same carefree child I once was I suffer from other things as well" I murmured

"Bella, please talk to me, please…" she said as her voice broke.

"Alice, no don't cry for me it's not worth it"

"Bella, what do you mean that is not worth it. …you're my best friend and I want to know what happened, I can't stand this my brother and you are having a tough time and you both just leave everyone in the dark. Please Bella if not me just for yourself just release it, you know I wont judge you" she muttered

"I am not afraid of the rejection, but you going to look at me differently with pity and I don't want any of that" I sighed

"If you think that's what I'm going to do I'm not, yes sure I will feel sorry for you but I will never treat you as someone else, Bella believe me when I say this you're no different from me. You may suffer from a phobia but I believe that your no different just hurting in ways and you need to let go of it all" she took her hand in mine

"You'll always be my best friend and I want you to know that I am sorry for pressuring you" she kissed my cheek and slowly walked out the door

"If you need me just call, bye Bella" she mumbled and left the piece of paper on the table.

God Bella how could you be so stupid I thought to myself… you let your best friend just go like that yet again without putting up a fight. But in total honesty I wanted her back by my side, I just couldn't find my voice to tell her that I didn't want her to leave. As I was packing my bags I saw a purple box with diamond hearts covering it making them sparkle in the sunlight. My hands lifted the latch carefully and a beautiful melody flew through the room. Inside was a scrapbook covered with photographs and drawings. I opened the book to the first page and there was a picture of my mother holding me with my hand clutched onto half of Edward's hand. A lone tear slid down my cheek and onto the paper blurring the caption below "Edward and Bella's first moment".

Just staring at the picture made me want to cry and hide under the pillow and pretend everything was alright. I flicked through the next page and there was the most beautiful photograph I have ever seen. It was of Edward on the swing and me lying in a scenic meadow. I couldn't take my gaze of the photo, it was so serene and we both looked so carefree as if nothing could harm the two of us in our enchanting world. I really wish that I could go back to my childhood and change everything that happened in the past, I just wish that things could be the same…

Flashback:

Bella five, Edward seven

The lush green meadow was bright and almost vibrant with colors you could never imagine. The light, lime, supple grass that I lay under felt as though I was resting on a cloud but it also tickled me. I suppressed a smile and smelt the fresh air of daisies surrounding me, this is pure bliss. I almost forgot that I wasn't by myself I ran my fingers delicately over the flowers and propped myself up on my elbows to watch my best friend Edward Cullen swinging on the swing. He wasn't aware that I was looking at him; he looked so young and blithe swinging back and forth with his emerald eyes glistening in the sun. His bronze, messy hair flopping all over the place, making him look serene. His childlike face depicted that he was still a young child free of worries. He slowly closed his eyes and was singing our favourite song.

"Put your faith in what you most believe in two worlds, one family trust your heart" and his soft singing faded, yet I couldn't leave my gaze from him. He opened is eyes and had a huge grin on his face, I could faintly see his dimples. When he saw me just staring at him shock was written all over his face. I felt embarrassed and ashamed at what I had done so I ran behind the oak tree and gripped my knees tightly to try and stop the tears from falling. I could hear Edwards's melodious voice calling my name…

"Bells, where are you, I'm not angry with you please come out, please" I heard the urge in his voice, yet I couldn't move myself, afraid of what was going to await me. Bang and he was there sitting next to me, I could feel our bodies touching ever so slightly.

"Bella, please just look at me" he asked with so much desperation that I would have lifted my face, but I thought he'd think I was a baby so I shook my head.

"Why Bella, you know I'm not angry, I'm not going to do anything" I could feel him shift slightly and now he was right in front of me. He released my hands from my knees and raised my face so I was directly gazing at him.

"Now, Belly would you care to tell me what made you cry" he asked curiously

"N-ot-thing" I stuttered

"Come on Bells, please you know it doesn't bother me that you looked at me singing. In fact I am happy that you were the one listening because you are my bestest friend in the whole world and you will always be" he said grinning from ear to ear.

"Really, you won't ever want a new best friend that isn't a baby or a girl" I asked nervously looking at the landscape surrounding the two of us.

"Really really Bells no one will ever replace my spider monkey" he softly chuckled

Oh how I miss those times where it was just the two us in our carefree world. Stop thinking like that Bella the past is the past and Edward will never want you back after all you have done. Even through all this hardship I try to think about whether Edward and I will ever be friends again. I truly wish that but deep, down inside I know I hurt him too much to even acquaintance with him. As I was packing the box up and placing the last of my clothes in the hospital bag there was faint knock on the door.

"Come in" I replied

In a flash I saw the bronze hair that I thought I'd never see again.