Chapter Nine

Elizabeth forced a smile through her rising anxiety and nodded once to Carson before leaving the infirmary. From the sympathy gleaming in the eyes that looked back at her however, it was clear that the doctor could see straight through her façade.

--

It had been over nine hours since John and Teanna had stepped through the 'gate to Teanna's home planet, Porta. So far there had been no contact with them. John had said he would check in as soon as he knew Teanna's father's condition.

After four hours Elizabeth had started to feel a little uneasy. That seemed, to her, to be sufficient time for John to have seen Irlan and reported back. She tried to dismiss her fears though, reminding herself that they were visiting family, not on a dangerous mission.

Another two hours passed and found Elizabeth sitting beside Jake in the infirmary speaking quiet words of how they would speak to his Mommy and Daddy soon. The reassurance was more for herself than for the little baby boy.

And now, after another three hours without contact she had decided enough was enough. Perhaps John had just forgotten, amidst all the worrying and sadness surrounding Irlan's illness. Sitting around distressing herself was not helping anybody. She would dial Porta, speak to John and then get on with running the city.

Entering the control room, she asked the technician on duty – a Malcolm Townsend – to dial the 'gate and she waited beside him, already reprimanding herself for her paranoia.

She watched the constellations on the 'gate light up as each chevron engaged, counting them one by one, trying with each step to quash a rising fear within her.

Six… and she took a deep breath…

"Chevron seven will not engage," Malcolm said suddenly, the tone of his voice conveying the frown he wore on his face.

"What happened?" Elizabeth asked, glancing down, first at the technician and then at the DHD.

"I don't know why, Ma'am, but we couldn't establish a connection with the Portan 'gate… I'll try again."

While Malcolm began the dialling sequence again, Elizabeth's mind raced with possible scenarios, choosing to focus on 'minor technical fault on Porta' as that was the least painful – and most logical – explanation for why John had not been in touch.

However, armed with the knowledge that her gut instinct was usually right, particularly when it came to John being in trouble, she was finding it difficult to convince herself that this was the actual explanation. So before chevron five had engaged for the second time, she had called John's team and Major Lorne to the control room.

Rodney must have been nearby, for he arrived just as the seventh chevron failed to lock again.

"Rodney," Elizabeth spoke to him before he had chance to ask what was going on. "We're having trouble connecting with the Stargate on Porta."

"Still no news from Sheppard?" the scientist asked as he moved to examine the DHD.

"No," Elizabeth said, trying to keep her fears out of her voice.

"I'm sure he's fine," Rodney said as he continued to work, surprising her a little with his uncharacteristic reassurance, "It's likely there's a technical problem with the Portan 'gate. If we can't dial in, then he probably can't dial out."

"That's what I was thinking," she said, managing to summon a little relief at hearing Rodney echo her thoughts.

Rodney continued to study and test, Major Lorne arrived, and another unsuccessful attempt at dialling the 'gate was made. Rodney was just trying a connection to a different planet – to make sure the fault was not with the Atlantis 'gate when Ronon and Teyla jogged in, slightly out of breath.

"Our apologies, Dr Weir," Teyla began, "We were running near the south pier."

"It's okay," Elizabeth smiled.

"Do we have a mission?" Ronon asked, looking at the now active wormhole.

"Not yet," Elizabeth said, looking to Rodney for an explanation of his findings.

"There doesn't seem to be a problem on our end…" he obliged. "There must be a problem on Porta."

Elizabeth nodded and was about to speak when Lorne beat her to it.

"We can take a jumper through to a nearby planet, and fly across from there… See what the situation is."

Elizabeth's eyes caught his as he explained the exact plan that she was about to suggest, and it constricted her chest to see that the Major seemed to share her unease.

There was no evidence to suggest that this was anything more than an unfortunately timed error with a Stargate. However something was telling her it was more than that. And apparently that same 'something' was also speaking to Lorne.

-----

The tears had started to fall down Elizabeth's cheeks the minute Lorne failed to check in at the designated time.

She was standing beside Jake's cot in the infirmary, trying to smile at the child who was wriggling so contentedly beneath her hand as she played with his tiny fingers and looked into eyes that were so much like John's.

Based on Rodney's calculations, four hours would give them time to fly to Porta from M6H 351, a 'gated planet in the same solar system, to check out the situation and to fly back to M6H 351 if necessary to update Elizabeth. If Rodney was unable to fix the problem straightaway, Lorne would make sure to return to the 'gate within that four hours to tell Elizabeth that they would be staying longer.

The lack of contact could only have a negative explanation.

She lifted her other hand and wiped the moisture from her cheeks when she heard footsteps approaching her.

"Elizabeth?"

Carson.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed her lips into a brave smile and half turned so that he could see her profile. Jake would provide a reasonable cover for her not looking at him fully.

"Hi, Carson," she said quietly. "What can we do for you?" she asked, her words aimed at the doctor, but her tone aimed at Jake, knowing that even a young baby could pick up on distress in tone of voice, and she did not want to upset him.

"You could get some rest," Carson replied. "But I know you won't do that, so you could at least go and have a cup of coffee and something to eat."

"I'm fine, Carson," she said, smiling at Jake as he waved his hands at her.

"Major Lorne's news will remain the same whether you eat or not," the doctor acknowledged. "Your ability to deal with that news, however, will be affected by how alert you are. Hungry and tired will not help anyone."

"I really don't think I could successfully achieve either sleeping or eating," she told him softly. "I just need to know, Carson. One way or the other. This state of limbo is driving me insane."

"I know love," he said, stepping closer to her and gently placing an arm across her back.

"I've just got such a terrible feeling – " her voice cracked as it collided with a sob, and Carson turned her to pull her into his arms.

-----

The unscheduled 'gate activation warning sounded minutes later, and the expressions on the faces of all four of her colleagues did nothing to alleviate Elizabeth's sense of loss.

John and Teanna were not with them, and they had returned as a team in the jumper without prior radio contact. Clearly any news they had to report was not something they thought she should hear over the radio.

She watched the jumper clear the 'gate and then moved silently into her office.

-----

Major Lorne and the others found her minutes later, sitting behind her desk, staring straight ahead, her eyes glazed over.

Lorne knocked on the window as he entered, sure that she would not want them all to see her in this lost state.

Her head snapped round to face them as if the sound had startled her. He smiled sympathetically and mouthed 'sorry', before leading Sheppard's team into the room.

Elizabeth stood and came round the desk to stand in front of them. "I take it it's not good news?" she asked in a voice more quiet than he had ever heard from her.

Lorne had seen Elizabeth worry about John on several occasions, and you didn't need to be a genius to see that there was more than a platonic connection between the two leaders. She seemed incomplete whenever the Colonel was missing, and he hated that he was about to deliver information he knew was going to devastate her.

It had already devastated him and the three people who had accompanied him to Porta.

Elizabeth had steadied herself against the edge of the desk, and Lorne realised he had not yet answered her question. Mustering his military training, he made eye contact and explained what they had found.

"The town where Teanna's father lived was completely destroyed," he began, his voice laden with the pain it had caused him to see it, "We were unable to connect to the 'gate because it was amongst the wreckage."

"Destroyed how?" Elizabeth asked, her face pale.

"Fire mainly," Lorne replied. "We didn't have time to study it thoroughly, but I'd say there must have been an explosion near the 'gate."

"Were there any – " Elizabeth's voice almost broke. "… Did you see anyone?"

Lorne shook his head once, his expression solemn.

"We visited the nearest towns," Teyla explained, "But there was no sign of any of the people we have met before… And no one could remember seeing or hearing anything. Their towns are further from the 'gate for a reason. They always feared the sacred archway. They believed such destruction was inevitable."

"I'll take teams two, three and four and examine the ruins more closely, see if we can find any clue as to what happened," Lorne offered, eager to find any proof that John and Teanna might still be alive somewhere, but also keen to spare Elizabeth the duty of speaking or thinking. She was becoming even paler with every passing second and he desperately wanted to offer her some reassurance.

She nodded, almost imperceptibly, her eyes glazed over and not really focussed on anyone in particular.

"We'll be going as well," Ronon announced in such a tone that it was clear no room was left for discussion.

Lorne glanced behind him to the members of Sheppard's team, and found them all displaying the same determination Ronon had voiced. He nodded understandingly then turned back to Elizabeth.

She had come to focus on him now, and he could see a thin mask of professionalism barely holding back her emotions. "Have three and four," she said quietly, her voice small despite her obvious attempts to remain in control, "scan the surrounding areas for any sign of the townspeople leaving; Rodney, try to establish what happened to the 'gate – stargates are not easy things to bring down; salvage the DHD if possible and note any evidence that – " She stopped, her lips trembling and eyes watering as she took a breath for courage. "… Any sign that the people didn't… manage to escape."

A heavy silence hung over the office as the true depth of that prospect overwhelmed everyone present.

Summoning strength from the only thing they possibly could right now – hope – Lorne nodded briskly. "We'll leave as soon as the teams are ready."

Elizabeth nodded in return, grateful for both his response and the team's unspoken support. "I'll be in the infirmary. Radio before you go."

-----

Elizabeth's legs froze as she entered the infirmary and Jake's cot came into view. The full impact of the news she had received, and of the nature of the mission Lorne and the others were currently preparing for, suddenly hit her, and felt like lead around her ankles. She couldn't move.

Through the transparent side, she could see the tiny child squirming around in his bed, and tears streamed down her cheeks. Wrapping her arms across her abdomen as another wave of nausea hit, she rested the full length of her back on the wall, and closed her eyes against the images of John and Teanna in here just weeks ago welcoming their newborn baby.

While part of her refused to believe that John was gone, and was persistently screaming for her to have faith, and not to give up hope, a greater part of her just seemed to know that the search of Porta would prove fruitless. He would not be coming back to her.

Opening her eyes, she looked back to the cot.

He would not be coming back to his son. And neither would his 'wife'.

She pushed away from the wall, and wiped her face as she approached Jake. Securing the blanket around him, she lifted the tiny bundle into her arms and rocked him gently.

"We will hope beyond hope," she whispered, her voice squeaking with emotion, "that they come home… But if that cannot be – " she paused to swallow, and trailed a gentle finger along Jake's cheek. "I'll take care of you… You will always have your Aunty Elizabeth…" she vowed, using a title John had bestowed upon her last week. She pressed her lips to his forehead, holding them there for a few seconds until she realised her tears were dripping onto his skin. Pulling back and tenderly wiping them away, she recalled when John and Teanna had asked her to watch over Jake while they were offworld.

"Will you take care of him for us while we're gone?" John had said, clearly anxious about being away from his son so soon.

"John, don't look so worried. He'll be fine," she'd assured him with a wide smile. "…and you'll be back before you know it… But of course I will take care of him while you're gone…"

Fresh tears now trailing down her cheeks, she held Jake closer, stroking his little fingers as she whispered, "… I promise."

TBC…