Chapter Ten: The Return of Peeta Mellark

. . .

When I woke up again, I saw my mother sitting in front the couch dabbing my face with a warm washcloth. I had so many questions for her but I also had mostly just plain resentment and contempt for this woman. I felt conflicted; she was my flesh and blood, my family, and yet I didn't even want to see her ever again. I felt like she had abandoned me and suddenly, I felt the same way I felt before right after my father died in the mines. He didn't exactly abandon me the way Peeta and my mother had but the fact of the matter was that he left me alone to raise Prim while my mother went through her depression.

"How are you feeling, Katniss?"

I shrugged, honestly not feeling all that much better. "Where's Haymitch?"

An odd look reaches her eyes when I ask about him and then she takes off the washcloth before looking away uncomfortably before she begins to try to unwrinkle her dress she's wearing.

"I sent him away."

Those four words burned into under my skin as I tried to work out what she meant, but already knowing deep down what she meant. She was always doing this, always trying to control my life and the people in it. My anger began to rise and I felt a heaviness in my chest as panic began to surface.

"Where? Where did you send him away to?"

She looked back at me with disapproving mother eyes. "Away, Katniss. He's not doing you any good here… he's letting you waste away and I can't… I can't lose another daughter."

Ignoring the dizziness I felt when I stood up and the brisk chilliness in the air, I turned on her, pushing back tears that were threatening to fall. "Where is he?! Where is Haymitch?"

She slowly stood up and placed a hand on my arm but I took a step back, determined to get answers. "Stop it. Don't you dare touch me… tell me where the hell he is! This is his house! You can't just… send him away somewhere!"

"You can't talk that way to me! You're my daughter and I'm your mother and I know your situation with Haymitch. I can't let you two stay together like you were, Katniss. It's not right! He's old enough to be your father!" My mother argued, her own fire rising up inside of her.

I can feel myself begin to rip apart at the seams that were holding me together. Haymitch had been my stitches after Prim died and my mother left to District 4. He had been keeping me alive and in love and now he was gone. Why hadn't he been able to stand up to my mother, though? I didn't understand; why didn't he even try to fight for me? I always figured she'd be intimidated by Haymitch's appearance but apparently, he had just caved. I shoot daggers at her and wish that looks really could kill.

"You had no right! I am old enough to make my own decisions! I love him and he loves me and age shouldn't matter!"

"You're still 17, Katniss! By Panem law, you are still in my care!"

I shake my head in disbelief. None of this can be happening right now. Haymitch can't really be gone. Where would he even go? I can't imagine him even going to the Capitol. He hated it as much as I did.

"I'll be 18 in two weeks and if I was still in your care, then where the hell were you?! You were in 4 taking care of people in the hospital but why didn't you take me with you if I was so damn important to you?! If you loved me much, then why didn't you take me with you there instead of abandoning me here and leave to rot and have night terrors of Prim? You don't think her death affected me as much as you?"

I was screaming at her now but I couldn't stop. My hands shook with anger but knowing I could never actually hurt her. I know that Prim would never have wanted me to do that. She looks at me with an almost fearful expression and even goes as far to take a step back before her courage comes back.

"You don't understand… she wasn't your child. She was your sister! You didn't –"

"I didn't what, mother," I immediately cut her off. "I didn't… raise her?! I didn't keep her alive? Don't you dare tell me what she wasn't to me! She was my best friend and the only person I loved here since dad died! You were never there for us after his death! You crawled inside yourself and became stone! If it hadn't been for me and Gale, she would've died!"

Her lip is trembling and tears are rising in her own eyes. I know my words are cutting her like glass but I can't help it. She must know that she wasn't mother of the year. She had to know.

"Maybe…. Gale is a better match for you instead of Haymitch," she abruptly changes the subject.

I can't believe what I'm hearing now. This is not happening. This is a nightmare. I'll wake up and Haymitch will be lying beside me, holding me close to him and my mother won't be here. Maybe even Prim will be alive.

"This isn't about Gale! I don't want anything to do with him! Did you know that he's working with the Capitol and he's even trying to help them create another Hunger Games? How does that feel, to know that all of our efforts to bring them down is shot to hell and that Prim died in vain?!"

She brings her hand to her mouth and she looks shocked to the point of distressed by this news. Something tells me that no one had told her and that District 4 didn't have the greatest source of communication with anyone else. I thought for sure Gale would've told her his plans.

"Katniss… this is… wrong. You being with him wasn't right! I had to do something! Haymitch living with you is just… not right. This is because your father left you and you're just looking for a father figure."

I look at her in disbelief. "You have to be kidding me, mother! No! Don't even make this into me having… 'daddy issues'," I air quote the last two words. "Because that's not what me being with him is! I love him and like it or not, we were happy together! Tell me where he is!"

"Katniss, what are you thinking of doing? You can't be serious! You're sick and you need to rest!"

I gently push her aside and despite my condition, I manage to walk into Haymitch's bedroom and get a thermal long sleeved winter shirt on and then my jacket that Cinna had made for me. I leave on my hunting pants and then begin to get my boots on. I know I need to find him. I need to tell him to come back.

"Maybe if you hadn't told him to leave in the first place, I wouldn't have to go anywhere! This is your fault! You can't control my life like this! I'm going to go find him and bring him back here!"

She begins to follow me around the house until she eventually grabs my arm and stops me from moving around. "I-I'm… I'm sorry, Katniss," she just about whispers, her cold hands finding their way to my cheeks. "I'm sorry."

I search her face, my heart racing as my head keeps reminding me that I'm wasting time with every passing minute I stay here. "For what…?" I test her.

She looks at me with a saddened look that is laced with determination and concern before she calls out. "Gale! You can come in now…"

I turn to the door and look to see Gale right in the middle of the doorway. My mom planned this whole thing. She knew I was going to want to look for Haymitch, I begin to realize. She planned Gale to stop me.

I walk past her quickly and then over to the door in front of Gale. "Get out of my way, Gale!"

"Your mother's right, Katniss. You can't go right now. You're sick, and you need to rest for awhile. You need to get your strength back…"

I made a move to duck under his arms that were blocking my escape but he grabbed me around my waist quickly and pulled me back into the house. I couldn't help but feel like a prisoner in Haymitch's home, and that was the last thing I ever wanted to feel.

"No! Let me go, Gale! Damn it! Stop! I need to go find him!"

He hung onto me so unnecessarily tightly that I could feel bruises begin to form on my hips from his grip. "No you don't, Catnip! You need to rest! Haymitch called your mother for a reason!"

I'm still fighting with him, fighting to stay in the area of the open doorway so I at least still have a chance to escape but it's not looking good. I'm so close that I can feel the brisk cold air on my face, giving me goosebumps on my arms. He picks me up and I'm doing everything I can think of in my current state; scratching, punching, biting wildly. I have one mission and I know if I don't get out of here right now, Gale and my mother are going to lock me in here forever so I can't find Haymitch.

I'm about to give up hope when I feel Gale's grip loosen and then drop, as I end up doing onto the floor as well. I look up behind me to see what caused him to let me go and I see Peeta, elbowing, punching, and then getting Gale into a locked position with one arm behind his back at an almost painfully awkward angle and then I hear him cry out in pain.

"Katniss! GO! You need to go find Haymitch!"

I look at him, utterly bewildered. How did he know about Haymitch leaving? I quickly get up and slowly head towards the door backwards, looking at the three people in my life, all that I used to love at some point a long time ago.

"Peeta, what's going on?" I ask him desperately. "What's happening?"

"I was caught by one of the Heads from the Capitol when I left and they told me about how they're going to reinstall the Hunger Games again… you need to stop it!"

I was still confused and not making any connections as my mother just watched us with an uncertain but fearful expression, as if she was unsure if she wanted to tango with batshit crazy Peeta. It was right now as Peeta had Gale still in the lock that I was grateful for all the training we had gotten before our Games and right before we went into combat. I didn't have to worry about Peeta getting hurt by Gale.

"Peeta, I don't understand! What does Haymitch have anything to do with this?! Is he at the Capitol too?"

"Katniss, the Capitol is making him mentor whichever kid gets picked for the next Hunger Games! You need to take them down again!"

It finally clicked and it made sense. Haymitch was still a Victor and he still had to mentor the ones who were picked from District 12. Or was the Capitol just going to assign him to mentor a person from a random District? Either way, it didn't look good for him, and even me. In my state, I knew I wouldn't get far before I was either caught by someone or died from starvation.

"Come with me, Peeta," I found myself almost begging. I had said this in such a soft voice though that I didn't think he had heard me.

Peeta looked at me with an unsure expression. "What?"

I was quiet for awhile before I gathered up my courage and said the proposal louder. "Come with me! I won't get far alone!"

He glanced at my mother who predictably just stared back at him, helpless. Then he looked down at Gale who couldn't even see him, but was still whimpering in pain, before he finally looked back at me.

"No… you can't afford to have me come with you. I might… kill you or get you killed. Just go, Katniss. You can do this alone!"

I shake my head, knowing that he doesn't even fully believe what he just said. He is just trying to look out for my best interest, for whatever reason. I swallow hard, feeling unsure of myself for the first time in awhile but the urge to look for Haymitch is so strong. I need help. I do, even though I hate to admit it to myself. Peeta and I have had our confrontations but if nothing else, he's good for manpower. His muscles are stronger than mine, he knows basic combat maneuvers, he can shoot, and he can stop me from doing something stupid. I know that he's someone useful that I could really use right now.

"Peeta, we need to go. Let go of Gale and let's go right now!" I urge him, hearing my heartbeat pounding in my ears. "Help me and I'll owe you! Please!"

His expression changes and I know that I won him over with me owing him part. At this point, I am so desperate to go find Haymitch and stop the Games that literally do anything. He releases Gale from his hold and backs out before taking my bow and arrows that are outside the door, and then looking at them cautiously, as if Gale is going to try to stop us. I stand behind Peeta, using him as a human shield in case Gale decides to try anything, but to my surprise, he doesn't.

I watch Gale nurse his shoulder and fall to his knees, grimacing in pain. My mother goes over to the door and shuts it before I can only guess she attends to him. I look at Peeta and search his eyes before I gently take the bow and arrows from him but he stops me.

"You can't shoot them…"

I feel like this is that one moment in our first Games together where he took my braid between his fingers and affectionately slid them down my hair, but he doesn't do that right now.

"You can't either, Peeta," I speak softly, carefully so I don't ensue another attack from him.

He begins to walk quickly with me hurrying to catch up and we're both quiet for a long time before he turns to me, still walking. "Maybe… you can teach me? If I'm going to be with you through this, I need to be able to fight until we can get our hands on guns or something."

I swallow hard and feel my heart stop. I begin to think about how much dangerous Peeta could potentially be with a bow. It's not even other people that I'm worried about, but myself. I wouldn't even normally care about my well being if I didn't know that Haymitch was alive, and somehow, Peeta was my connection to the Capitol, and therefore, he was also my connection to the man I love. I had no choice but to trust him.

"Yeah," I nod, searching his face. "I think that's a good idea too."

He gives me a weak smile and I can tell that he knows exactly what I'm thinking but doesn't dare say it. If either of us actually says what might happen if Peeta had a full blown rage episode and then turned the bow onto me, then it might make it happen. At least that's what is going through our minds.

We begin to run towards the train station through the cold. Since the end of the rebellion, I know that the new government made the Capitol train accessible to anyone who wanted to take it there. It wasn't as much as a luxury than a dare.

I stood by Peeta, close at his shoulder just after I looked around the station and realized that there were several Peacekeeper copycats around. My guess was that they were just downgraded to make sure that there were no muggings or stabbings instead of really working for the Capitol but they still had tasers and batons and still looked pretty damn intimidating. He must have sensed my uneasiness because I felt Peeta gently place a hand on the middle of my back to guide me onto the train.

Once we got on and found our seats, I looked at him."Why are you helping me? The last time we saw each other, you tried to kill me."

He sighed softly and ran a hand through his hair before he looked back at me. "I'm helping you because… no more kids should have to die to make the Capitol happy. It shouldn't go back to how it was. Your sister shouldn't have died in vain if they're still going to keep up this massacre of innocent lives."

I nod in admiration of his selflessness and I'm starting to like him more as a friend than I liked Gale. At least Peeta believes in a true cause that would save thousands of innocent lives. Gale actually believed that the Hunger Games was a way of population control and Peeta really believed that the Games was just another version of Hell on Earth. He had my back during the rebellion and hearing him say that made me know that he had my back now.

I pour both of us mugs of hot chocolate that they still have fresh on the train for anyone, not even just for the Games tributes, and give one to him. We dip our hot rolls into it and begin to eat and talk just as the train begins to start up and roll forward.

"What's the game plan once we get there?"

He thought for a moment before finishing off a roll. "I guess we find an abandoned house, take it as our own, and… practice shooting some. I'm sure we can find some food somewhere."

"That's not what I mean, Peeta," I said patiently, taking a second and even a third roll. "I mean, what about Haymitch? How are we going to help him get back to District 12 if they have him pretty much hostage?"

Peeta's eyes looked terrified but I knew he was trying to keep a calm composure for my sake. "I don't know. I haven't thought it all out yet…"

I sighed and shook my head, beginning to feel like our efforts were going to be useless. A sinking feeling was growing in the pit of my stomach and I had a bad feeling about all of this. I had doubts with all the holes in our superficial plan to save Haymitch. I ran my fingers through my hair and then placed my face in my hands, feeling cold and exhausted.

"How much do you love him, Katniss? Haymitch, I mean."

I looked at him curiously and almost a bit cautiously. "A lot. I love him a lot, Peeta…"

He nodded in understanding, maybe feeling the same love for me at one point. "We'll find him, Katniss. We'll find him and take him back home and he won't have to be a pawn in the Capitol's games anymore."

"What if he decided to go against them? What if they killed him? I'm… really scared, Peeta. If anything happened to him… I don't know what I'll do."

Peeta looked at me with sadness laced in his eyes. "I promise we'll find him but you need to try and trust me right now. Don't do anything stupid and help train me with your bow. If you can do those things, then I think we have a shot."

I didn't have any choice right now except to believe him. He's right; I need to trust him to find Haymitch but it's difficult when he's tried to kill me several dozen times. He knows this, I know he knows this, but at least while I'm with him, I have a chance of getting him back. I give a weak smile, nod, and then take another drink of the hot chocolate, simultaneously warming my hands before I stare out the window, wishing I had Haymitch to call me sweetheart in his sarcastic tone and encourage me right now. He kept me alive after we came back the first time, and the second time, so now as far as I see it, it's my turn to help him, and pray that the Capitol hasn't brainwashed him too.