I'm sorry
-Revan
His world was a sea of pain.
Revan's mind felt like it was adrift in a endless void of anguish and turmoil. Dimly he could feel the horrible wound that was pulsing at his abdomen, but it was a distant sensation. Parts of his brain had shut down as a natural instinct to dull the otherwise excrutiating feeling that wracked his body. Now everything was a blurry haze, his subconscious at the forefront as his higher brain functions stopped to let his body fight to keep him alive. It was a familiar and haunting sensation. He could see brief images, memories that were so familiar, yet distant.
Why didn't you help me said a hollow voice. Revan's tensed as he saw a dark swirling image beginning to form.
The vision was muddled and hazy but he could make out a tear stained face that was also splattered with blood. She glared accusingly at him with black pupiless eyes.
You let him die she spat. You are no better than the rest of them.
As was the case in many of his memories, he was helpless to let the drama unfold. The vision changed to reveal a dark desolate world, filled with smoke and haze. A general sense of despair surrounded him.
Do not disappoint me said a cold distant voice. It was achingly familiar, almost perfect in melody yet it made him shudder just to think about it.
Master he thought. Inwardly he grimaced. You had no right to judge me either.
A final image shook into his head. It was a vision of someone very dear to him...someone who he thought he would never see again. The face was young, younger than he was now but to Revan, it was the most beautiful face that he had ever seen.
We're in this together right? She said kindly. Her voice was soft and hauntingly sad. He almost wept to hear the words.
The image faded. Revan tried to reach out at the diminishing form but the figure was swept away like an intangible mist.
He was left alone again in complete darkness.
Revan realized then that he was experiencing his life in flashes, a common reaction to those that were very near death.
He had time to reflect on his own actions that had brought him up to this point.
I did my duty. He thought. The words gave him no comfort. Even with all he had done, what was the life of one Jedi knight against the countless souls that inhabited the galaxy? He had hoped that in the grand scheme of the cosmos and the force that his life had meant something to the Republic...that it would be a better place for his sacrifice. Yet here he was, a broken shell of a man, defeated and no closer to finding peace.
There is no fate he thought bitterly.
Things do not come into balance just because you want it to...there is no bigger picture to the grand scheme of things. People live, they die, and the galaxy remains unchanged. It is foolish to think something guides the hands of the Jedi, Sith, life itself.
And yet...he could not shake that intangible feeling. That something was watching him even now in his darkest place. He once told Ailene that the Jedi Knights were always vigilante and watched over the Republic.
But who watched over the Jedi Knights? The Grand Master? That was a person, and ultimately another figure in the order. There were no higher beings that watched over them...were there?
He felt that presence now that he had told Vandar about, that inescapable sensation that something...somebody of such power was showing the merest suggestion of interest to his rapidly diminishing form. There was a special technique taught to select Jedi with a natural ability to touch the mind of others known as Battle Meditation. It allowed one to reach out to the senses of others and connect to the very core of their being in order to lift their spirits or make them drown in dismay. But this feeling eclipsed that ability by leaps and bounds. The sheer force of this newcomer threatened to overwhelm his very essence. Maybe it was wishful thinking but it almost felt like someone wanted him to survive, to return back to the material world and continue his duty for only in death does a Jedi's duty end.
A sudden haze of images suddenly leapt inside his consciousness again that were unfamiliar to him. He saw an army of warriors fighting in some distant battlefield against columns of Mandalorians, red fire streaking against the sky.
He saw a dark armored figure with a blood black mask leading another bald warrior down dark winding corridors.
He saw a dark haired female garbed in the blackest robes holding a two handed lightsaber, its glow a dark red of malice and hate. Her expression was a one of anger, guilt and hidden desperation.
Revan thought he should recognize these people but his mind would not allow him to focus.
But what he saw then chilled his blood. It was like a gaping maw of nothingness emerging over the horizon of shifting images. A tide of oblivion threatening to swallow everything in its path.
It came closer...closer. Revan recoiled from its cold biting touch his senses naturally repulsed by such an abhorrent enemy to life.
Then there was a flash of brilliant light, the intensity swallowing everything in its wake. It felt like every fiber of his being washed up in a wave of marvelous energy. Revan let his mind's eye focus on a figure in the centre of all the flashing visions, gaining increasing focus and intensity as the other images faded.
It was a female, but no female that he had never seen. Her hair was the purest white, like the finest silk material, impressed upon a pearl white face. Her eyes shone like two bright stars, glorious in her beauty. Revan could almost feel his will being swallowed up by such a powerful force. He felt his unease rise...but it suddenly went away as the figure smiled at him, soothing his fears immediately. She reached out to touch his face and Revan felt a surging warmth simply by her proximity. He felt his pain diminish and his spirit soar. It was if all that was good and just in existence was incorporated into this one perfect being.
You are my undying blade came a whisper into his mind. It felt like a cleansing wind, pure and full of life.
The light that stands against all darkness.
The shield that protects all life.
As it has been and as it shall be until all the time to come.
The words disturbed him. He tried to place it into context but his mind seemed to float in an endless drift. Was the force coming back to take him? Did he want it to? The image faded away. He tried to call out but could not find the words.
No he thought suddenly. He could not die like this...on some remote forgotten world without even seeing the enemy in the face. The Sith from beyond the veil were still out there and the Republic at large had no idea what they were planning. Mreth had said other powers than the Jedi and Sith were out there too. He intended to find what they meant to do with the Republic.
I promised her that I would live he thought. I promised...my Master...that I would live.
He felt another presence now, like a desperate hand reaching out to snatch him out from the void of his darkening unconsciousness. Someone...somebody in the facility was calling out to him from beyond the Force.
My duty is not done, he thought gravely. I must return. He took the invisible hand feeling his senses beginning to rush back to him, a spark of light growing larger every moment now. Cold air rushed into his lungs as he felt himself return to the land of the living. Bright white lights welcomed him back in a painful, jarring sensation.
"By the Force!" Someone shouted in amazement. "He's alive! Revan lives!"
Ciras and Ava were staring down the guard who was posted at the front of the infirmary. They fingered their weapons in undisguised hostility. The guard was posted to prevent unnecessary personnel from cluttering the already overcrowded infirmary and he did not give an inch to the pair.
"Let us in asshole unless you want to become a pincushion." Ava gave one of her patented 'I'm going to mess you up glares'.
Her fellow trooper didn't budge. "I heard that one last week Onasi" he replied using Ava's surname. "And what does that even mean any- "
The soldier was rudely interrupted as Ava kneed him in the groin. The poor victim landed heavily on the floor curling up like a ball.
"I hope that answers your question." Ava taunted as she walked over his prone form. Ciras followed gingerly.
"What is it with you and our dangly parts?" He asked impatiently
"I'm jealous" she replied sarcastically. "If women had balls we could mate with ourselves and men would really be useless then wouldn't they?" She dared Ciras to retort. The other man merely rolled his eyes.
They walked into the room that acted as the main infirmary to the Republic and Jedi expedition. It was littered with bodies covered in blood. Some lay in cots while others merely slumped on the floor, overcrowding forcing the medics to improvise. Many of the bed's inhabitants were moaning in pain, some looking vacant from shell shock. The smell of antiseptic could not mask the odor of death in the room. Medics and volunteers rushed hastily around different beds, shouting for stimulants or blood packs. Some skidded on the slick red floor causing even more chaos. It was not an inspiring sight.
The pair walked towards a particular bed, having found the target of their visit. Three figures hovered over the bed in concern. One was Exon who despite his many cuts and bruises looked fairly hale and healthy compared to the rest of them. Ciras admired the fact that he could take such a beating and still come back for more. From what he had heard, Exon had single handedly rescued Revan from being a bloody mess in the courtyard.
He's become our human transport Ciras thought inanely. Maybe it was the stress but the thought was incredibly amusing to him.
The next figurer was the old man that Ciras had seen fall then rescued by the Jedi. Evidently he was feeling much better now as his grey eyes were sharp and focused. He leaned over the inhabitant's bed in concentration as if performing some arcane ritual. The last figure was Polluck their resident comms specialist. In such dire straights, they had dragged their fellow soldier into field medic duty, having had experience with medicine back in his home world.
The pair drew closer to the Jedi knights.
"How is he?" asked Ciras in concern.
Exon turned around as if surprised by their presence.
"Just checking up on my equally good looking clone" quipped Ciras. He smiled hoping to diffuse the tension.
Exon nodded, smiling slightly.
"He lives by the grace of the Force." Said the warrior. His tone had an edge of wonder as if even he could not believe his own words.
The soldiers saw Revan lying on a blood soaked cot, his face a pale husk. The Jedi's breathing was short and shallow and a livid bruise was evident on his abdomen. The older Jedi's hand was over it as if he could heal the damage just by willing it.
He probably can thought Ciras. Jedi knights had all sorts of powers that he could only begin to fathom.
"I can hardly believe it either" said their comm turned field medic. Polluck held a scanning apparatus over the patient's inert form.
"The trauma plus the blood loss should have done it for him" continued the alien. "Not to mention the fact that his intestines were pretty much ruined when he got there. Bowel damage is usually fatal for humans." He looked at the old Jedi with his strange alien expression. Ciras thought it looked like respect.
"Master Treys here is commendably skilled in the healing arts."
"I did nothing" said the older man. "His voice was brusque and rough. His skin was as tough and callused as an old oak tree on Kashyk.
"This Jedi...Revan you say, pulled himself from the bring of death. I felt his essence slipping as I tried to keep his spirit in place. When he sensed me, his will came rushing back to the forefront."
The older master smiled through his bushy beard. "Even a deathblow cannot kill him. Jedi should be made of sturdier stuff like that."
"You are no slouch either Master" said Exon mildly.
"Bah" Treys replied. "A few lucky blaster shots will not keep these old bones from fighting."
The subject of their discussion stirred suddenly as if all the noise had suddenly had begun to irritate him. He opened his dark eyes to stare at the group of people surrounding him, all their faces crunched in concern.
"How are you feeling sir?" Asked Ciras anxiously.
"Great. The pain is horrible but it's the good kind." His tone was light to take the edge off his words. Ava grinned at the other Jedi's dark humor.
"We came here as soon as we were rotated out of the basement level." She said. "Boss wouldn't give us the permission until we were all good and secure."
"From what I hear it was quite the battle" said Ciras. Mayfield had told him in gory detail about all the heroics of the soldiers in the frontline. He spoke admiringly about the two Jedi as they charged, which briefly looked like it would change the fortunes of the battle. However he also added darkly that a Mandalorian freak had stomped in and tossed Revan around like a discarded doll. And now they were trapped like rats in the facility.
Revan was the most deadly warrior that Ciras had ever seen. If there was someone else that could defeat the Jedi so easily then he didn't want to be anywhere near him.
Fat chance for that now thought Ciras grimly.
"What's the situation?" Revan voice was still weak from the blood loss.
Ciras looked at him uncomfortably. "The Mandalorians took the courtyard. Some of them tried break in but we pretty much got them in a bottleneck."
He grimaced slightly rubbing the stubble on his chin.
"The main entrance has become a fortress of blasters, defense droids and tripwires. Eventually the Mandalorians would be able to break in but we'll make them pay for every bloody inch that they take." Ciras grinned without humor.
"Death before dishonor, that the Hellborn's motto."
Revan nodded absently taking this new development in.
"How long was I out?" Asked Revan. He rubbed his side gingerly.
"About eight hours" said Polluck. "You've been in and out the whole time. Once you went into cardiac arrest and it was a close thing there."
"The Master," he said gesturing to Treys "offered his abilities to keep you stable. He almost lost you more than once as well. "
He looked back at his patient a tone of admiration in his voice.
"I gotta say sir, the fact that you are stable is something of a miracle, Jedi powers or not."
Revan smiled slightly as if experiencing some sort of private joke.
"Revenant indeed" he muttered.
"What's that sir?" Asked Ciras curiously.
"Nothing" said Revan "what's the lieutenant doing now?"
"Actually sir," said Ava seriously, "we also came to tell you about... a development."
Revan looked at her curiously
"About an hour ago...the leader of the Mandalorians...uh Tabot or something gave us an offer. He would spare the remaining soldiers and scientists if we gave up the facility and all its resources."
The soldiers looked uncomfortable.
Revan noticed she missed something else.
"And the Jedi?" He persisted.
Ava glanced at Ciras and nudged him. He looked at her in annoyance before answering.
"He...demanded that the Jedi surrounded themselves to the Mandalorian's... custody."
Ciras' expression told them all what he thought of that.
"I'm proud to tell you that our lieutenant told him to go fondle himself." His grin was genuine this time.
"I'm pretty sure he used different words than that Ciras" said Ava dryly.
Revan remembered the tall monster of a warrior that had defeated him in battle. It was a sensation he was singularly unused to...after leaving his Master. He looked back at the soldiers. "And how long do we have to respond to his...offer?"
Ciras shrugged. "He said he'd give us till sunrise...which is about three to four hours from now."
"Why would the Mandalorians want the Jedi and not the scientists?" wondered Exon aloud. "We wouldn't be able to help them with the weapons. We'd just end up shooting them with it."
"Who knows" snorted Treys. "Trophies probably, to parade around their clan."
Revan assimilated this knowledge without comment. He turned to Exon.
"What do the Jedi say about this?"
Exon looked uncomfortable. "Well Melara is actually taking the exact opposite stance. She is trying to persuade the lieutenant to release the facility into the Mandalorian's custody."
"She's doing what?" asked Treys in disbelief. Exon looked angry as he said the next words.
"Her argument is that too many lives are already lost and the Jedi's duty first and foremost is to defend the Republic's people. Our sacrifice would ensure that the soldiers and scientists could survive the onslaught."
Treys looked like he was going to bust a gut. "Master Melara must have taken one too many blows to the head in the last battle. We give up the facility and there's no telling what carnage the Mandalorians would unleash on the Republic worlds."
Treys turned towards Revan. "Exon told me about that...creature you fought in the lower levels. If what he says is even remotely true then we cannot let the facility be taken by these wretches."
"I agree." Revan's eyes were hooded as he mulled over the possible scenarios that were unfolding.
"Normally I'd agree with you too master" said Exon. Everyone turned to look at him in surprise. "As much as I dislike Melara she does have one valid point. Our first duty is to protect."
He turned to Revan. "You once told me that we must always second guess ourselves, that a Jedi must reflect upon his actions, considering other possibilities." He shrugged his shoulders helplessly.
"Sure, we can fight to the bitter end and hope the Republic forces arrive in time. Or we surrender ourselves and the civilians go free. Other Jedi will take the fight to the Mandalorians."
He looked at Revan as he said those words his deep purple eyes troubled.
"Is that not the noblest way to end this? Mandalorians may be brutal killers but what defines them is their honor. I do not think they would lie about their intentions regarding the people here."
Revan looked at Exon seriously. "You are right" he said eventually. "It would be the noblest outcome." Treys looked like he was going to argue but Revan stopped him first.
"Hear me out master" he said quietly. "It would be the noblest intention, but our duty is not just to these people, it's to the Republic." He stood upright then ignoring the pain in his stomach.
"We let ourselves get captured and the Jedi are dealt another significant blow. We cannot afford to bleed warriors away like fodder anymore. Exar Kun saw to that."
All the Jedi looked grimly at each other.
"What's more," said Revan "If we let the Mandalorians take the facility, there is no guarantee that they will be dealt with in time. They could ally themselves with other clans again and start another war with whatever weaponry they manage to pillage from this facility. The Republic cannot continue to sustain such grievous assaults." Everyone muttered their agreement with this assessment.
"No" said Revan "we have to make sure that this battle stops here. That the Mandalorians are firmly rebuked and will gain nothing from their mission on this world. We must deny the enemy at all costs."
"And the scientists?" asked Exon. "They may be weasely bastards but I do not think they are in league with Sagat. We would be risking their lives with our obstinance."
"We would" admitted Revan. "And that is something I cannot tell them to do. Sagat's life is forfeit but the other scientists should have the choice."
Exon nodded apparently appeased with this line of reasoning.
Revan turned to the soldiers. "Can I assume that the Hellborn will agree with my decision?"
"You bet your ass we will," said Ava fiercely. "They gutted our platoon and took a dump on our corpses." Her eyes were alight with fury. "We won't take that lying down."
"Then all that remains is to convince the rest of the Jedi" said Revan grimly.
"What's left of them" snorted Treys in disgust. "Another two Jedi got caught by the tinheads."
Revan frowned again. "I saw them charge at the enemy line. What was Master Melara thinking?" His eyes were hard with suspicion.
"She told me that he hoped to take out the enemy's armor" said Exon in a low voice. "But such a maneuver had pretty much no chance of success. The Jedi fell back and two more were shot down before they could even reach the end of the enemy line."
"She said that did she? And she didn't lead the assault herself?"
Exon shook his head.
Master Treys spoke up.
"Regardless, the remaining Jedi are her creatures. They have always favored her against an aging old by blow of a warrior like me."
"I can't imagine why," said Revan sarcastically. "It's easy to follow the leader when the leader looks like she'd sleep with you for a favor."
"Aren't some of the Jedi females?" Asked Ciras "I don't think they're susceptible to her…charms"
"Hey I'm straight and if she wasn't such a bitch, I'd do her." Everyone looked at Ava as she spoke the words, all the male's interest piqued.
She shrugged her shoulders as if nothing she said was out of the ordinary. "What? I would."
"Jedi are above that sort of thing" said Exon uncertainly. Revan gave him an incredulous look. "I've had this conversation before so I'll pretend you didn't say that." Exon shrugged.
Revan got off the bloody cot. Exon moved to support him but he merely shook his head.
"Enough. We need to convince the others that the facility has to be defended."
"How do you plan to do that?" Asked Master Treys gravely. "I'm all for defending this place till my last breath but without the other Jedis approval we will be hard pressed to come to a conclusion."
"I have a plan" said Revan. He turned to everyone in the group. "Are you all with me?"
They nodded.
"Good" said Revan. "Then this is what we'll do."