Danger Zone
I doze off a little before dawn. I dream of Ranger. I dream of Batman. I see a lot of familiar faces. I walk past friends and strangers. I know I am looking for something or someone. I know I know where to find it. Or her. Or him. I am inside a big domed city. The air is cool, everything is black and white, and nobody looks at me or talks to me. I see Robin and the Joker kissing. My mother dresses like Mary Poppins. Morelli is a pink and blue were-rabbit and his tail is cotton candy. The world swirls around me and I start feeling panic. I think I've just seen Tatts Man walking by with a bright red sunflower in his hand. His ugly tattoos dance and crawl all over his body and keep changing colors. But I don't know where Ranger is. I need to find Ranger but I don't know where to find him. I feel cold and small and lonely. I am frightened and scared and desperate. I need to find Ranger and keep him safe. I start running. Tears flying away from my face. I keep running through the darkness. The road is long and straight and the street lamps are dim. There's no stars and no moon. "Romeo!" I cry, "Romeo!" My voice ringing in my world. My voice disappearing in the soft darkness. I have to find him. I keep running. I am not out of breath. I have to find him. I have to find him!
I wake up and blink. Sunlight splashes through the window and everything is quiet. My face is still wet from my tears. I check the clock on the bedside table. 9:47. I'm hungry and need to pee but I am afraid to leave the bed. What if I break the balance the moment my foot touch the floor and make something bad happen? What if something bad has already happened while I was sleeping? What if Tank was too sad and too devastated to wake me? What if something has happened to Tank? I should have waited up. I shouldn't have fallen asleep. I hold Ranger's pillow closer to my heart. I suck at waiting and Ranger's pillow smells just like him. I close my eyes for a minute and take a long calming breath. I frown in confusion and get out of bed. I'm still worried sick but I'm tired of being silly. And why the Hell was I calling Romeo in my dream?
I sit down on the toilet and yawns. I know my hair is a mess and I'm still sleepy and really tired. I know life is no fairy tale. At a certain point of our life, we all have to change and learn to make adjustments. Running away screaming into the Land Of Denial won't solve anything; it'll only prolong your pain and drain all your courage. And most of the time your prayers won't be answered. Life sucks and tragedies do happen. You are on your own. You're always on your own. And there's no guarantee for happiness. Yeah, welcome to the grown-up world, Stephanie. I roll my eyes, flush the toilet, and feel the tingling sensation at the back of my neck. I stumble out of the bedroom door. My heart stops when the door silently opens. I hold my breath as Ranger walks in. No, he isn't limping. No, he doesn't appear to be hurt. He doesn't look exhausted or beaten or worn, but he's not smiling. And he has this quietness about him that makes me want to wrap my arms around him and hold him tight to my soul till the world ends and the universe ceases to exist. I take a small step forward. He drops his keys and guns and knife and takes off his boots. I take another step closer. Our eyes meet. For a long long time we do not say a word.
"Looking a little crazy, babe," Ranger finally says. His voice deep and soft, barely louder than a whisper. His eyes dark and deep and bright and gentle and make me want to trace a finger along his jaw. I want to come closer but somehow stay where I am. He walks toward me slowly like a majestic Siberian tiger or a sleek black jaguar. I'm not naïve. He's not innocent. We both knew the game we were playing. We both knew there would be a price to pay. We were both a little scared. We were both uncertain. And now things have changed. I have changed. And so has he.
It's never about sex.
It's always about love. And trust.
He gathers me into his arms. I place my hands on his chest and close my eyes as he kisses me. His kiss deepens and I melt. He's so hard and so warm. He's so perfect. He's so real. He's magic. Pure strong magic...I open my eyes and gasp. Ranger raises his brow at me. I gape at him and don't know what to say.
I forgot to wash my hands.