'mindspeak'
Chapter Ten:
Harry and Ron were hiding from her. This, among other things, was greatly vexing Hermione. Not only did she have to go searching all over the castle for them, to give them a piece of her mind, she also had to attempt to enact some kind of damage control.
Which, of course, she couldn't do without first finding out what the boys had actually done. It was obvious to her that they had done something, which was more than enough reason for Hermione to tear into them like a lioness would into two chunks of raw meat when she next saw them. Unfortunately, as is said before, she could not actually find them.
Pausing in her quest, Hermione leaned against the nearest wall to gather her thoughts. Or, at least, she tried to. It would have been easier if there hadn't been two bodies in between her and the wall.
"Ah ha!" she cried, whirling around and drawing her wand. "Come out and face me, you cowards!" If anyone had been passing by, she would have looked like a crazy person, ready to do battle with an innocent wall, but Hermione, of course, knew better.
Slowly, reluctantly, the air in front of her shimmered and Harry and Ron appeared, looking ashamed.
"Pasty?" Harry asked, waving the food at her. The boys had a veritable hoard of food underneath the Cloak which was evidently from a recent raid of the kitchens. They certainly wouldn't have managed to grab this much food while fleeing from the Gryffindor table the second the teachers had exited the Hall!
The sight of Ron stuffing baby tomatoes into his mouth as though she was about to take them away cooled Hermione's ire a little.
"Oh, all right!" She grabbed the pasty. "Come along, we have to talk." Tapping her wand five times upon the forehead of 'Udell the Unusual,' she stepped back as the portrait swung forward and gestured for Harry and Ron to precede her.
"Now," she said after the portrait closed behind them and the appropriate Silencing Charms were in place, "tell me everything you did to orchestrate that display, so that I might be able to rectify the damage!" She settled down upon the dusty floor, shuffling over to make room for Harry and Ron, who sat down beside her.
"Oo oos bi orsh en or engree!"
"Ron, cease the hamster impression before attempting to talk! Harry, if you would."
"Maybe we should continue this conversation silently, just in case."
"Oh, very well!"
Mentally, they all felt their strands of consciousness weave together – one of gold, one of silver, and one of red. They all took advantage of the temporary pause in conversation to start in on their impromptu dinner. Hermione spoke first.
'What in the hell did you think you were doing? Have you lost your minds? We need to keep Snape's thoughts away from us! Do you really think he isn't going to work night and day to find the people who humiliated him like this?'
Harry and Ron shuffled their feet in embarrassment and said nothing at first
Eventually Harry met her eye and replied, 'All right, it was a stupid plan, even though it all worked out so beautifully at the time... and we're sorry.' At this point Harry nudged Ron, who nodded before continuing the narrative.
'Yeah, really sorry. Um, so, basically, we lured Snape in with a copy of the spoon, Dean nailed him with blow pipe, we all shanghai-ed Snape up to the Room of Requirement, stole his boots and gave them to Seamus so that he could sing 'Despre Tine' in the Great Hall as Snape.' Ron blushed brightly and stared at his feet.
Hermione eyed Ron coldly. 'As if! Tell me the truth Ronald Weasley, and don't you dare lie this time!'
Harry cleared his throat. 'Actually, Hermione, that is the whole truth, and what's more, it worked!'
Hermione stared, first at Ron and then at Harry, before the awful realisation hit her. They really were telling the truth. Hermione moaned and placed her head onto her knees, rocking back and forth slightly. 'How on Earth am I supposed to clear this mess up?'
'Err, Hermione?' Hermione raised her head and glared at Harry. He swallowed. 'You do know that we can still hear you, don't you?'
'Bollocks!'
'Now, now, Miss Granger! What would your parents think if they caught you using filthy language like that?'
'Shut UP, Ron! Do you have any idea of how much trouble we're in? How Snape is going to barbeque us before he even considers expulsion?' Hermione whimpered a little and hid her head in her lap. After a minute, Harry shuffled over and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Ron did the same on the other side.
'We're not completely stupid you know,' Harry thought after a long pause in which the trio gained silent comfort from each other. 'I've already told Snape that I didn't steal the spoon, and he didn't find anything in our memories that proved we were the spoon stealers, remember? Therefore Snape is going to conclude that we are not to blame and ignore us in favour of going after the 'real' perpetrators. He thinks someone else has the spoon, and therefore will think someone else must have used the spoon to trick him. There's no way he can trace it back to us, especially other people would be able to confirm that we were all in the Great Hall at the time the fun started!'
Hermione stared up at her best friend in astonishment, her mouth slightly open. 'Mr Potter, that's brilliant!' Even in her head, the words sounded a bit dazed. 'And you say there's no way to trace this prank back to us? That we're scott free?'
Harry grinned. 'Yep! I thought it would be a good idea for me to start practicing impossible schemes, so that I'm ready when the time comes for me to finish Voldy off once and for all.' Suddenly, his face fell. 'Shit! Dean and Seamus! They can't do Occlumency!' Harry leapt to his feet. 'I'll go and get them. Anyone here know how to do Obliviate? If not, we're going to have to learn fast before Snape decides to take a peek into their minds!'
Harry leapt towards the back of the portrait, only to be halted by Hermione's voice in his head.
'Harry! Harry! Stop! Ron knows them better. Don't you think he should be the one to go and fetch them? Besides, I want a word with you about something!'
Looking bewildered, Harry came and sat back down while Ron got up to leave, severing their connection as he went. The portrait clicked shut behind him and silence descended once more.
"Hermione? You wanted to talk about something?"
Hermione looked down and bit her lip, wondering how she was going to breach the subject with him. She couldn't just leave the issue alone; it was already annoying enough as it was. No matter how embarrassing discussing it might be, it would be worth it. Taking a deep breath, she began.
"Err, Harry, Ron and I aren't going out together. In fact, we aren't going to ever go out with each other. Ever, Harry."
"Really?" Harry asked, looking dumbfounded.
"Really, Harry," Hermione replied, trying to sound apologetic.
"That's great!"
Hermione gaped at Harry, who was grinning unrepentantly.
He sent her a mock-serious look. "No offence, Hermione, but you and Ron would make a truly awful couple!"
oooOOOooo
Severus Snape snarled. He was very good at snarling. Most of the time, he only did it to garner a reaction out of someone he was intimidating, but this time it was a genuine snarl of anger. In fact, if it wasn't so undignified, he probably would be foaming at the mouth at this point.
His hands were aching from being tied up for so long, and his head was pounding from whatever had knocked him out for over two hours. Severus stormed along the corridor leading towards the staff common room, promising all kinds of dire retribution upon those who were responsible for his humiliation.
Due to the rather large disruption during dinner, Albus had decided that it would be best if all the students finished their meals in the Common Rooms – away from the irate Ministry security guards. After untying Severus (still choking on his chuckles at finding his Potions Professor in such a position), Albus had informed the teachers of his plans and had told them that they would be doing the same in the staff room.
If it had been up to Severus, he would have missed this particular gathering all together as his colleagues were no doubt going to feel obliged to rub his nose in this disgrace as much as possible. However, Severus was hungry, and some imbecile had locked the kitchens.
Severus suspected that it might have been Albus.
So, this was why, at quarter to nine at night, Severus could be found making his way towards the staff room in a very foul temper.
Pausing outside the door, Severus gritted his teeth, listening to the inane chatter on the other side and prepared himself for the ridicule he was bound to be subjected to. The two stone guardians eyed him bemusedly, but quickly looked away when he sneered at them. They knew he wasn't above hexing the living daylights out of them when he was in such a terrible mood. They still bore the scars from their last encounter, two months previously.
Severus took a deep breath, scowled, and flung open the door, letting it bang against the wall as he strode forward into complete silence. Every member of staff was staring studiously at their plates and refusing to look at him. His scowl now more uncertain, Severus took his seat between Minerva and Pomona on the circular table and stared at his own plate, waiting for the storm to break.
Sure enough, after five minutes in which no one moved or said anything, the silence was broken by several loud snorts of laughter and someone started whistling a few bars of a song.
Snarling audibly, Severus head snapped up and he glared at Vector, who attempted to look innocent by shoving a large forkful of potatoes into her mouth to stifle her giggles. Giving a long-suffering sigh, Severus turned and pounded a shaking Minerva on the back to prevent her from choking.
After a couple of minutes, the laughter subsided and Albus waved his hand to gain their attention.
"Now, now, I think that's enough. After all, though it was a rather fantastic prank, I'm sure Severus has already heard more about it than he ever wanted to."
"Quite right!" Severus snapped, shooting Albus a grateful look as he started eating his lukewarm cottage pie. "Thanks to whoever thought up this 'brilliant' idea, I am now the laughing stock of the entire school! Not one of the students will respect me after this; every class I attempt to teach will be undisguised bedlam! Headmaster, you'd better say that you've caught the nasty little creatures responsible for this."
"I'm afraid not." Albus looked extremely apologetic, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. "Whoever's idea this was, they covered their tracks very well. However, I suspect the ridicule was more directed towards the Minister than towards you, Severus. Who knows, some of the students might even come up and congratulate you for giving the Minister a well deserved shock!"
"Humph!"
Minerva passed Severus the pepper in an attempt to stop him from continuing to rant about the kidnapping and his subsequent humiliation. It did not work.
At least, not at first.
"Really, Albus, the troublemakers should be caught and made an example of! Don't you think it's necessa… achoo, achoo, achoo."
Thump.
Albus peered over the edge of the table. "Are you all right down there, Severus?"
"Fine Albus," Severus groaned back from the floor.
Sprout stood up and walked over to try and help him up.
"Ggrrrrrrrrrr!"
Pomona backed hastily out of range.
Severus got to his feet and tried to find his tattered dignity, only to discover that it was no longer present. He was about to leave when Albus spoke.
"One moment, everyone. I would like to hold a staff meeting at four o'clock tomorrow – that should fit in with all of your schedules?"
Severus nodded his consent and strode from the room, wondering if it were possible to brew a potion to prevent blushing.
A/N: Ron's near-incomprehensible words (which, cleverly, I forgot the meaning of almost as soon as I wrote it...): 'You use big words when you're angry.' Just in case you were wondering ^_^