The last full moon she would spend at Hogwarts was approaching quickly, along with her graduation. But what could she possibly do after school now? What career possibilities were open to her now? To top it off she was trapped between loving Remus and hating him. He was beautiful but he was weak. He didn't utilize the power he'd been given. He could be strong, strong enough for her even, he just needed to make the choice. But he was content being locked in a shack every month. Lycanthropy was given so that they could be free, so that they could lose control on occasion. It disgusted her that he even fought for control of the beast when he was transformed; nothing that beautiful should be tamed.
But his eyes drew her in like magnets. All he had to do was look at her and she was his, she couldn't resist. Every glance usually ended in passionate love making or, if in public, a frenzied kiss. When he wasn't around, which was becoming more often with the upcoming exams, she felt empty, she felt like she needed to find him, just to have him look at her again. She needed him and she hated him for it.
How could she have let herself become tamed? After every full moon, she would try to resist him, she would try to stand on her own. She needed to be independent. She couldn't submit to him. She couldn't give him dominance. But eventually their gazes would meet and she wouldn't be able to help herself. The wolf became nothing more than an unruly puppy as she fell into his embraces and submitted herself to him completely. He could have done anything to her; she was his. Completely.
A growl escaped her lips at this thought and the second year boy, that had been unfortunate enough to sit next to her for breakfast, jumped and shuffled closer to his classmates. They all knew what she was.
She ignored the boy. She needed to stop the cycle. She needed to find a way to stop herself from falling for him every time he looked at her with those wild, feral eyes.
But how could she do it? How could she leave him without her heart breaking? How could she tell him off without returning hours later to apologize? She'd be miserable without him and he was the only person she had. She'd driven off Sirius months ago, threatening to bite him if he came close to her again. James and Peter had never been close to her, but they no doubt had heard what she'd threatened Sirius and had backed off. Remus. She only had Remus.
She scowled at her scrambled eggs. She needed to do it, even if she was miserable. She had to break his hold over her. She had to get away. She'd have to do it before graduation. But as the days progressed she found herself putting it off. Maybe she needed the full moon's fervor.
Her exams came; she hardly studied. What were N.E.W.T's to her when she wouldn't ever be accepted into society; when there wasn't any career paths open to her? So she wrote her exams, breezed through them without knowing half the answers. She knew Remus was watching her, dismayed that she'd given up, but she just wanted it to be over. She needed to get away.
She'd managed to stay away from him during the course of the exams, just because she was doomed didn't mean that he, with his overwhelming control, was. Maybe he'd be able to do something useful. Maybe.
But after the last exam he found her. He'd been searching for her. His eyes lit up when he'd found her, those eyes. Those damnable eyes that left her weak and warm on the inside. Before he'd even managed to say anything her lips were on his. She needed him. She fought the very idea of it. She didn't need anyone. She hadn't had anyone for years, why would she start needing someone now?
She didn't know when she'd started crying but Remus pulled away when he tasted her tears. "What's wrong?" He asked quietly as he kissed away her tears. She felt her resolve weaken at his sweet gesture. Couldn't she be happy here? Couldn't she be happy letting him be in control. No.
"I'm leaving you." She said, trying to make her words as even as she could. She turned, she was going to leave the encounter at that. She would leave that very night, by broomstick if she had to. She just needed to get away. But he grabbed her arm and pulled her back. She collided with his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around her.
"No. You can't." He said vehemently, his face buried in her neck.
"I have to." She replied, feeling her heart break a little more. She'd wanted this, hadn't she? She'd wanted to feel for him. She'd wanted to feel like she would die without him, and she did.
"No. No. Stay with me. Marry me. We can be happy." He said with conviction. "We can be happy."
"No, Remus. I'm leaving tonight." She said, prying his arms away from her. She couldn't stand it anymore. She needed to go, to get away.
"You can't leave tonight." He said suddenly, "The full moon is tomorrow."
She was already fleeing. She needed to get out. She heard his footsteps behind her as she raced back up to the Gryffindor Tower. With a wave of her wand, the last remaining things she'd left out threw themselves into her trunk. Her broom sitting on top. She began pulling it down the stairs when he blocked her way.
"You can't leave yet." He said hardly. Her heart rebelled. He thought he could boss her around, did he? She raised her wand.
"Get out of my way, Remus." She hissed, brushing the tears out of her eyes with her sleeve. She was sure she was dying on the inside. She loved him, but she needed her own space. She needed to be somewhere where she could be in charge. She needed to control her own life.
"I'm not letting you go." He said determinedly, a hand on each banister of the stairway. He doesn't think I'll hex him, she thought with spite.
"Levicorpus." She said coldly. He was suddenly jerked upside down. He dangled helplessly as she passed. Before she slipped out of the portrait hole she whispered, "I loved you, Remus."