THE RULES

"Oh man", Johnny groused, "I hate these dang rules." Shaking his head in despair.

"Really. What rules are those?" Roy looked at Johnny as they drove to Rampart for supplies. Still clueless on what was nagging his partner this time.

"The rules where if you have a team, one of them always has to get hurt," Johnny stared at his partner. "And I'm it." Putting both hands on his heaving chest.

"Hey, I get hurt too, you know," Roy interjected. "I get hurt too." Well maybe not as bad, but I still get hurt.

"Yeah sure you do. You don't get a deadly virus, blown up, bit by a snake, attacked…" Johnny counted off on his fingers

"Hey I've been blown up too you know, Johnny. I ended up in the hospital. Hey my tonsils grew back," Roy pointed at his throat. "I wouldn't call that nuthin. Plus I got blown up rescuing you."

"Oh yah Roy like that compares," Gage whined. "I mean it's not like you could have died. Oh, no poor widdy Roy, boo hoo."

Roy glared at his partner. "What is your problem today anyway?"

"Problem! Problem! Chet doesn't call me the danger magnet for nothing Roy. IT's just those damn rules. Every partner, I mean look at Laurel and Hardy, The Lone Ranger and Tonto, Ginger Rodgers and Fred Astaire, Gene Autry and Pat Buttram, Ranger Jace Pearson and Ranger Clay Morgan, Frank and Jesse James and now us." Johnny took a breath.

"Well it doesn't matter anyway," Roy sighed and rubbed his nose.

"What do ya mean it doesn't matter anyway? This is my life were talking about!" Johnny said excited and then muttered. "Doesn't matter anyway. And I'm the nut."

"You know Johnny were not real," DeSoto pointed out the obvious as he backed into Rampart.

"What do ya mean, we're not real. I don't know about you pally, but I'm real," Johnny shouted to Roy. "I'm real, man. I'm real and you're the nut!"

"Johnny we're figments of someone's imagination. We're named after streets for crying out loud," Roy always the smarter one of the paramedics, that's why he's the senior paramedic.

"Yeah well. What about Rampart and everyone else?" Johnny was starting to wonder if his friend had gone off the deep end.

"They don't exist Johnny. There's no such thing as Rampart or even Station 51," Roy said with conviction.

"Well I beg to differ with you pally. There is the hospital and well you can see for yourself it's not in somebody's head," Johnny snorted knowing he had gotten his point across.

"Hey I'm just telling you what I know, okay. Considering I'm the senior partner in this squad, here," Roy said proudly.

"Yeah what's up with that? Whose bright idea was it to make you the senior partner? Sheesh just because I go to the second class and…"

"Yeah, I have no idea why they made you so damn annoying though," Roy shook his head. "Someone couldn't write you as a normal type guy, no got to make the show interesting while driving calm, cool collected Roy DeSoto crazy."

"Show? Roy what show are you talking about? Me," the seemingly confused paramedic put his hand to his chest, "ME I'm a trained paramedic. What about you?"

"You're delusional, hell I Think we all are," Roy sighed and bit his lower lip.

"Well speak for yourself pally. I'm going to get supplies, talk to Dixie and try to get a date with some cute nurses. You're welcome to have your nervous breakdown in the squad. I'll let Brackett know," Johnny opened the door and slammed it.

Roy closed his eyes and counted to ten, hoping a new partner would walk through the ER doors, someone organized and unemotional. Yeah that's the ticket a guy a guy named

"DeSoto," Craig Brice slid into the squad. His voice neutral and unemotional. "I'm your new partner."

"Thank God the writers' heard me," Roy clasped his hands in prayer and looked at the roof of the squad.

"Um well, shall we," Brice indicated they should leave the hospital.

"Yeah I think we shall," Roy had a great big grin on his face.