So I've started a six man acting troupe. We've just written the first script, it's super funny. It's a twilight parody, now, I love the books...but the movies...don't even get me started.
IMPORTANT: My math is horrible, I'm sorry, terribly sorry. But I'm positive with this set of numbers (at the end of this chapter): Hermione will be 36 and Draco 35.
Disclaimer: I own the plot!
The Day Before Hermione's Birthday: This is a Thursday.
Jauclin and I headed toward the VIP section of Zabaione, owned and operated by "the great" Blaise Zabini. It was opening day and the moment we reached the apparation spot we were bombarded with bloody flashes of all the bloody cameras in London. Don't get me wrong, the attention was much appreciated. But Jauclin and I hadn't come with the intention of being the next rumor in the tabloids. I was really starting to regret letting her wear the number she was wearing. The hem was too high, the top too low, it sparkled too much, and accentuated everything Granger gave her. Damn Granger.
"Remind me to marry famous." Jauclin posed for a camera. I grabbed her elbow and tugged her down the aisle way.
We had our own table. Of course, I had to donate and arm and a leg to get said table, but at least I didn't have to call in advance to get my table. It was already there waiting for me. My name was on it and everything, "Malfoy" was engraved in gold on the brick behind the table. Fancy.
"Draco Malfoy." I glanced up at the Pure-blood.
"Blaise." I grinned. Not lying, it was nice to see someone who didn't have the title 'Professor', even if it was Blaise Zabini.
"How've you been, mate?" He patted my back and handed me a menu. Mate? I wouldn't go that far.
"Not bad, could be better, but I'm standing." I said as I flipped to the beverage section.
"And this must be the forever lovely Jauclin." Did you hear the husk in his voice? Because I did.
"She's still seventeen, Zabini."
Zabini clapped his hands together, "Right. Well, I'll have someone come out for your orders. Enjoy."
Jauclin glared at me after Blaise hurried away. "You ruin my fun."
"And you my appetite." I looked up at her. "He's old enough to be your dad."
"I know," She frowned then smirked wickedly. "Kind of sexy, isn't it?"
She couldn't have been serious. Jauclin broke into a fit of giggles at the look I was giving her. Good. That meant she was only kidding...I think.
"Look who's talking." Oh Merlin, I hated when she did that. You know, turned things around on me. "If I remember right, you lost your virginity to a woman three times your age." Mother. Remind me to thank her later.
"That was different." Not really. "I was on a mission for him and it was an accident."
Jauclin's laughter caused several important people to look over. I grinned at them, inside I was dying. Just imagine sitting down to dinner with your daughter at the most eloquent spot in town...and having a conversation about the loss of your virginity. And it's not like I was going to turn around and ask her about her virginity. I'd die of anxiety.
"What? She tripped and you fell?" She cackled. "I'm sure."
Dear Merlin, please make the conversation go away. Thank you, Draco Malfoy.
Jauclin fell silent. SCORE! One for Draco and zero for the opposing forces.
Jauclin looked three tables down before commenting. "Today was certainly interesting."
Six hours earlier:
Rain clouds ruined what could have been a perfect afternoon. I watched them cover every inch of the sky as I poured the dead worms into the Black Lake. Someone was finding it entertaining to kill all my live ingredients, it had been going on for the past two weeks, imagine that. This was the sixth batch. Each time I hide them in a different place, but the next day when I go to get them out for a class, my worms are dead. So I fixed those little brats, they've been doing book work this past week. Two essays due at the start of the next class, and three essays and one research paper for those lucky enough to be in the Advanced classes. All the book work hadn't stopped whoever was doing it, but it gave me a sick satisfaction knowing that everyone was suffering. Really, all someone has to do is fess up, I wouldn't even give them a detention. Hell, I'd probably applaud them on finding every spot I used for hiding, but no, these rodents have to be difficult and go all James Bond on me. Their loss. Maybe if I could get my hands on those nifty quills Umbridge used...oh, yeah...that would get them talking. I smirked at my own thoughts as the last of the dead worms fell into the Black Lake, the squid loved those things.
A few of the students were litering the lawn, a few first years, but mostly seventh and sixth years. A Slytherin boy caught my attention and gave me a thumbs up while his companion, a younger Hufflepuff girl, stuck her nose up and turned away from me. That's what it had been like for the past few weeks. They either loved or hated me. One could not get use to the feeling. Especially when Jauclin and Autumn were part of the clan that hated me, they looked at me as if I was the worst piece of crud imaginable. Well, they clearly forgot about McLaggen and...
Potter followed a bright bob of red hair up the steps that lead from Hagrid's hut. I stared at them. You've got to be kidding me. I watched as the redhead stopped, spun on her heel, and held out her arm while telling Potter something. Boy Wonder looked around the grounds before he kept walking. After Weaselette had walked about ten paces, mind you. Odd? Yes.
"Dad thinks she's pregnant."
I about crapped my pants at the sound of Potter's Spawn's voice. Didn't anyone teach kids not to sneak up on people like that?
"She's been acting funny all summer." Little Potter watched his dad disappear into the castle. "But if she was pregnant, wouldn't she be fat?"
I shrugged, "I suppose she would."
"They're here because of me, in case you were wondering." Little Potter started walking toward the castle. "Because I know you were."
I cocked an eye brow at him. This was pathetic. I was having a conversation with an eleven year old, my longest conversation of the week might I add.
"You talk people you generally wouldn't when you're curious." Potter paused and let me walk through the door first." Jauclin told me."
"You talk to Jauclin?" I asked skeptically.
"Jauclin talks to people when she's curious, too."
"Don't you have somewhere to be, Potter?" I looked around. I really shouldn't have been giving him the cold shoulder. He was my means of conversation. "Where's Autumn."
"I don't know." He turned left and I followed. "We were doing homework when I got Dad's owl, and I said I wanted to come and find you. Then she turned my homework into mud and ran somewhere." Little Potter was leading me to Pansy's room, it was the only classroom in the corridor we were in. "Professor, does that mean I still have to turn my homework in on Monday?"
"You still have all weekend to redo it, Potter."
"Yeah, a weekend I could spend playing- GEOFF!" The little twit spotted his hero and took off running. "I can get you my Dad's autograph!"
Little Potter caught up with the older Gryffindor just as Jauclin walked out of Pansy's room. She froze in mid-step and stared at me, like she was debating whether or not to tell me why she was in Pansy's room. Part of me wanted to dock ten points from Slytherin just to get her to yell at me or something, or say something about the massive zit on her lip. But then, if I docked the points she could always not talk to me for an even longer time...and the zit on her lip..well, that could easily be something worse than a zit. Which she wouldn't talk to me about anyway.
"-if you had worked harder to keep him interested in the subject!" Jauclin and I glanced at Pansy's door. I joined the prima donna, I loved arguments.
"I guess he takes after his mother." When Potter spat those words, Jauclin and I moved closer to the door.
"Don't you dare blame this on me!"
"He's more concerned about your damn mood swings than what matters!"
"Are you saying I don't matter?"
"If the broom buzzes..."
Jauclin took advantage of the momentary silence. "James is failing D.A.D.A. And instead of considering the fact that maybe he's doing it to get attention, they'd rather blame each other."
"Potter and Weaselette are having trouble in paradise."
"Trouble doesn't even begin to cover it." The half-breed joined us.
"Don't tell me how to raise my son, Parkinson!"
"She can tell her how to raise someone else." Jauclin muttered. I shoved her and Teddy snickered.
"Don't yell at her!"
"Don't defend her!"
"Don't tell me what to do!"
"What are they? Eight?" Jauclin said softly.
"You're never home for me to tell you what to do!" I could just imagine the looks Pansy was giving them. "Your always at the Pitch or running errands for Hermione or Ronald or her, and I'm left all alone to take care of your child! There you go, Parkinson, you want a reason why James is failing, look at his father." Who knew Ginny Weasley was packed full of venom. Oh yeah, I did, the scar on my right shoulder reminded me everyday.
"Me?" Potter snapped. "Don't even get me started on why she's in responsible for James doing poorly. On second thought...let's see, there's the firewhiskey and not just the ones in the cellar, I'm taking about the hidden stashes: under the sink, behind the billions of shoes in her closet, in the "perfume" bottles she has all over her damn half of the bathroom. Not the drinking? Maybe it's that man, I mean, maybe it's all the men that walk through the house when I'm not home. Oh don't look so surprised, Ginny, James isn't dumb enough to stay in his room just because mummy says to."
I had been so engrossed in their conversation I didn't even realize my partner in crime was no longer at my side. Instead, she was comforting a sobbing James Potter. He was shaking while silent tears made tracks down his cheeks. Well, this was certainly a sight I never thought I'd see. Jauclin glared up at me, that was more like it. But she was glaring at me for the Potters' behaviour and not because she was consoling a little Gryffindor first year, I knew there was a heart somewhere in that glacier that is her soul. Jauclin patted James' head as his first audible sob came out. Okay, my parents didn't even fight like that and they fought more than anyone did in either of the Great Wars. They never brought me into their marital problems, and for that I was forever grateful. Not that I would have ended up a basket case if they had, well, actually I probably would have. But I wouldn't have had anyone to cry to, I mean, it's not like I had anyone like James does. I supposed Pansy would have sufficed. I just would have ended up sleeping with her at the end of my sob story.
I frowned. Pansy. Numero Uno on my shit list.
Being the great guy my parents raised me to be, I softly knocked on Pansy's door before opening it.
"I'd hate to break up your heart-to-heart, Potter and Red." I opened the door wider. "But neither of you obviously know who matters."
"James." Ginny said.
James glared at the two of them. It was a good one, too. One that reminded me of who his best mate is. "I hate you!" I didn't know if it was directed at Potter, Red, or Pansy, but one of them was going to feel the cold shoulder of the tot for quite a while.
"I always loved family reunions." Jauclin, of course, commented.
Harry chased after James who took a B-line for the nearest classroom, and Ginny, after recieving a glare from the mother of my children, followed the two. Jauclin, Teddy, and I walked into the room. The word awkward comes to mind. The youngest scrutinized each other the women.
"Doesn't it make the three of you feel better to know that other people are just as far off their rockers like you all?" Jauclin asked. "Because, I know, it makes me feel loads better knowing James is suffering through family ordeals with me."
"This isn't an ordeal, Jauclin." I snapped.
"Oh, please," She rolled her eyes in a very Granger-like manner. "This is the definition of ordeal."
.
"Why'd you shag Pansy?" Jauclin voice tore through the silence as I slowly sipped my drink. Okay, I hadn't been expecting that.
"I don't have to explain my intention with you, Jauclin."
"Yes, you do." I looked up at her. "Because believe it or not, I'm the only one you've got. Professor Knox hates you, and I'm not talking that school boy hate, I mean the bloke really hates you. Autumn won't talk to you because she knows you're the reason mum's hurting." Trust me, I noted the use of 'mum'. "And Pansy, well, she won't admit it, but she knows it was a mistake. I don't know what game you two were playing at, but it obviously didn't work. If you're trying to make her jealous or get her to see that it's not McLaggen she wants, then you missed the mark. You know, she might have been jealous if you'd just flirted with Pansy like most normal men. But shagging Pansy, that's a whole new level of low, even for you dad. Because, you see, you hurt mum. And I'm sure any hope you had of getting back together with her is lost."
The waiter came up with his fancy notepad ready for our orders.
"I'll see you tomorrow during class." Jauclin stood up, gave some change to the waiter, and headed back into the sea of photographers.
I was immobiized. I think I was just schooled by my daughter. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I could have sworn she was actually standing up for the woman she called 'mum'.
Hermione's birthday
Vienne was the first to hand in her composition book, she always was, even before Flint who tried her hardest to beat Vienne. No one ever beat her marks either. Not even Pennifold who triple checked everything before he was ready to even consider turning something in. Vienne Delacour was the Hermione Granger of her year, except Vienne was more pleasing to the male population than Granger had been. What I mean is that Vienne knows her way around a zipper...if you catch my drift, of course you do. These were two of the numerous reasons why Jauclin hated her. Although, I highly doubt Vienne ever liked the prospect of shagging someone twice her age. Then again...I didn't know this class as well as I thought I did. Knox was next to turn his composition book in. Jauclin burned holes into the back of his head as he got up, a feeling I'm sure he was fully aware of. After he gathered his books, he glanced down at a piece of paper in his hand, and then took off without casting so much as a peek at the blond who was staring at him.
I loved teenage drama.
Not really. That was sarcasm. Actually, it's quite nauseating.
The blond started tapping her toe wildly before she had enough. She slammed her book and turned it in. I handed it back to her. She was never done early.
"Finish the assignment and then you can go."
Jauclin shoved the book back to me. "I'm finished." She said in one of those tones you're not supposed to argue with. Well, unfortunately for her, I don't take orders from bad-tempered blond's with a zit the size of Africa on their lip.
"No, you're not." I handed her the book nicely. "Now, sit down and finish you're work or you'll spend your friday night in detention with McLaggen."
Jauclin glanced around the classroom at all the students who appeared to not be listening. But you know they were. They're a bunch of seventeen year olds, their ears were trained to eavesdrop. But Jauclin obviously missed the memo in her turning seventeen guide.
"Listen, Professor, if I don't turn this composition in and go after my lunatic of a boyfriend, he is going to do something that I'll make sure he regrets. You don't want your favorite daughter to wind up in Azkaban, do you?"
"Professor." I glared at Jauclin before looking at the half-breed. "I'm sure Jauclin is finished." Jauclin was just as shocked as I was. "See, we started on it last night. She sneaked a peak at your lesson plans." I opened Jauclin's book to the page last written on. Well, what d'you know. The half-breed was rather skilled at charms.
I took both of their compostion books and watched as Jauclin fled the room in a rush. Teddy Lupin was whipped.
.
"Well, don't you look rather smashing." Pansy said sarcastically as McLaggen fixed his tie in the mirror.
McLaggen didn't pick up on the mockery. "I'm taking Hermione to Zabaione for her birthday. I have a secret source who reserved us a table and everything. It cost me half of my savings, but she's worth it."
I smirked. Liar. First of all, it was I who bought the table for Granger, just like the one I had bought under the Malfoy name. But McLaggen wouldn't know that. He probably just thought one of his daddy's friends bought it for him, because he's Cormac McLaggen and people live to please him...And it didn't cost a life savings. More like ninety galleons, but it's not like the thick-headed prick would know that. He'd much rather make himself seem more important than he actually was. I wonder what he'd do if he knew I was the one who paid for the table.
"I'm meeting her there in an hour. Then I've rented this nice cottage for us to spend the weekend at. Breathtaking, just like her." I knew what he was doing. It wasn't working. Pansy and I had big plans for McLaggen, and spending a weekend with Granger wasn't part of that plan.
"See, mate," I got to my feet and walked over to the idiot. "You still can't get it right."
I undid his tie and then readjusted it so it wasn't crooked like it had been. "Granger doesn't love you." He made no move at my words, because that's all he thought they were. Words. "She never has and never will. You repulse her, always have and always will."
"I think you have me confused with yourself." McLaggen spat.
"No." I shook my head and tightened his tie. I made it pretty damn tight, too. "I'm talking about you. Which brings me to my next point, you won't spending the weekend with Granger."
Pansy sent a limb locking spell flying at McLaggen and it hit him square in the back. "You'll be partying with the Cannons in Amsterdam at their weekend rendezvous. I'll tell you how my weekend goes." I patted his chest.
Pansy was my true partner in crime. Sure, I shagged her and what not, but it was casual, it meant nothing to either of us. It was more like letting go of some pent up nerves...in a ferociously sexual kind of way. And sure, we told each other that it was a part of the plan to get Granger jealous, but we both knew the truth, and apparently Jauclin did, too. Anyway, Pansy got her hands on some kind of potion that led people to believe whatever they were told, courtesy of boy wonder. I didn't know what she had to do to get it, but the important thing was we had it. And when McLaggen walked back into Hogwarts on Sunday night, he'd think he just spent the best weekend of his life with the worst team in the world.
.
Granger was sitting in her corner booth when I walked into the VIP section an hour and ten minutes after the time McArse-face was supposed to show up. Supposed to. The candles, had they been muggle candles, would have been half way melted by now and Granger's temper would be ready to pounce on the first person who tried striking a conversation up. Hopefully she'd be willing to pounce on a bit more than my conversation. I asked their waiter who passed me how long she'd been sitting there and his answer was nearly an hour and a half. Perfect.
"I don't know what's more pathetic," She froze with her wine glass half way to her lips, lips that were painted red... in case you were wondering. "You treating yourself to birthday wine, or, well, no. That's as pathetic as it gets." Red means she was expecting to get shagged.
"What are you doing here?" Had she been crying? After living with Jauclin for seventeen years I knew when girls had been crying. There's a different tone to their voice, it's not something a man should want to hear.
"It's a Friday night," She wouldn't even look at me. Granger had to have been crying. I bet her eyes were all puffy, red, and nasty. "Besides, I'd much rather spend tonight here then out partying with the bloody Cannons like your idiot."
Granger's head whipped around SO fast, I was certain it popped. And her eyes weren't puffy nor nasty, but I wouldn't put it past them to turn red at any second. I could literally see the pissiness rising up in her. No, pissy is too nice of a word. Granger's expression spoke pure hatred. Well, I liked the looks of this evening already.
"Cormac's where?"
"He got this letter from someone an hour or so ago, and the idiot started rushing around the dorm like a mad man." I lied, it was too easy. "Babbling on about partying with the Cannons. If you ask me, I don't know what he's so thrilled about."
"Partying with the Cannons." Granger repeated to herself.
I sat down in the booth with her, she didn't argue so I figured it was fine, not that I would have left if she did object. She was too busy sorting out information in that head of hers, probably calculating ways to get rid of that useless piece of rubbish once and for all. For ten minutes straight she sat there muttering "with the bloody Cannons" over and over again, oh the things I do for this bint. While Granger was off in her own little world, I had the waiter start a tab under the surname McLaggen, and anything we ordered tonight should be directly charged to him, scribbling down everything I said the waited nodded. So I ordered the finest wine Blaise had in stock, which of course would cost McLaggen a few or more Galleons.
"It's my birthday." Granger said once the waiter left.
"Way to be, Captain Obvious."
The glare she sent be would have even the toughest seeking shelter. I was immune.
"He knows it's my birthday." Yes, yes, lash out. Make yourself see what an arse this prick really is."He said he had big plans and he goes and ruins everything so he can party with some bloody Quidditch team that no one in their right minds would bet even a sickle on!" I nodded. "This is all my fault." What? Slow down. Oh Merlin, please tell me she isn't one of those girls.
"You're fault?" I was dumbfounded. "Granger, this is hardly your fault. McLaggen's the ogre. He's obviously too daft to see what's been right in front of him, and this only goes to show that he's not worth it. He should have known this was a big day for you and you wanted to spend it romantically. It's his fault. Not yours."
A smirk crept over Granger's face. Fuck.
"You're such a softy." Then came the snicker. "'He's obviously too daft to see what's been right in front of him...'." More snickering.
"You're such a bint."
Okay, I was hoping to get to some GOOD stuff, but there's no way I can cram it in here. If I did the chapter would go on forever, I'd bore half of you with the table talk, and scenes before the other stuff and scenes after. And I'm sure you guys don't want that. So next chapter, I PROMISE, you'll get a little of what you've been waiting for.
Anyway, the Draco/Pansy thing isn't really a thing. It was that one night and they over exaggerated the rest to make Hermione jealous. That's it. I promise she won't make anything worse...someone else is going to take care of that. Also, I'm really debating who I want Pansy to end up with. I love the idea of Pansy and Harry, it just works...and I originally made Knox so Pansy could have someone, but I don't know anymore. I'll work it out and surprise you:)
My parents are out of town the weekend so instead of partying like any irresponsible child would do, I'm going to write the next chapter. That way you don't have to wait too long for the next update.
A few chapters ago Draco brought up Ron and Hermione got sour, why do you think that is? What do you think happened between Ron and Hermione?