A/N: Another update! I seem to be on a roll update-wise... I've been updating (almost) all of my in-progress stories! Whoo!
Disclaimer: I wasn't even BORN when Star Wars was created, so it's pretty impossible that I own it, right?
Oh, and I hope that all my spelling is good in this chapter, because my spell-checker has disappeared from my computer somehow...
Chapter 10
(Wow! It's actually lasted for 10 chapters and over 10000 words! Whoo!)
Dear Diary,
I have to confess something. I got really angry today and went on another force-choking binge. It was very enjoyable. I haven't force-choked someone in ever so long. Maybe I should force-choke Palpie... no, no. Too easy. And, plus, he might use that scary lightning on me. I HATE lightning. I may hate it even more than I hate sand. Well, I don't know about that... do I hate anything more than sand? Is it possible for me to hate anything more than sand? Perish the thought. Well, I might hate Palpie more than I hate sand. I'll have to think that one over.
Vader
Dear Diary,
Today I went back and read through my entire diary. I am agog, I am aghast at some of the things I have written. And what I have called myself? Let's review... I have signed my name as the following:
THE Vader
Ani
Darth Vadie
Vadie!
Darth Ani
Vady
Vadie-pie
Darth Vader, The Devillishly Handsome Rogue King(I still LOVE that title!)
Darth Vadie-poo
VADER-PIE
Vay-dee
Vadee-poo
Vadey
Darthie
Vadee
Vadi
Darthy
And I can't write any more of them. Those are some of the worst, except for the Rogue King one. How could I disgrace my wonderfully evil-sounding name by doing this? I must have some sort of fascination with coming up with different spellings for nicknames for myself, or something. At least a lot of the time I signed 'DV' or 'Vader'.
DARTH VADER, POWERFUL EVIL INDIVIDUAL WHO DOES NOT SIGN HIS NAME AS WIMPY THINGS LIKE 'VADI'. NEVER!
Dear Diary,
Unfortunately, I was forced to talk with the Emperor today. Oh, gag me. He wasn't tipsy, at least. (For once...) He seemed uglier than the last time I saw him, if that is possible. It was a very un-interesting conversation, mainly sticking to neutral things like the weather and such. I was so tempted to go into a wonderful monologue about how I was going to kill him and take over all of his armies and everything, but I refrained. Soon, soon...
Vader
Dear Diary,
Feeling depressed today. I can't imagine why. I had a strange dream... which I can't really remember, but I'm sure it has something to do with how I am feeling today. Or maybe it is that cheese I had with breakfast. I thought it tasted a bit off..
Vadeiyy(NOOOOOOO! I DID NOT DO IT AGAIN! IT'S THE CHEESE! THE CHEEEEESSSSSSE!)
Dear Diary,
I'm feeling much better today. After I wrote in you yesterday, I went and stared at the wall for a solid hour. It was very relaxing, just staring at the black. Until, of course, I started seeing things. See, that happens to people when they stare at something that is just dark and black. I really can't remember what I saw, anyway.
VaDeR(That looks really stupid, doesn't it?)
Dear Diary,
The memories are coming back again! Curse the memories! KILL THE MEMORIES!
V
Dear Diary,
After my bout with memories yesterday, today I am feeling somewhat improved. Walked around looking menacing today. At several points during the day I stared at a few choice people. It's so fun to watch them realize I am staring and then get all scared! They go back to what they were doing, but they keep looking at me out of the corner of their eye. So fun!
Darth VADER
Dear Diary,
Have been contemplating changing the pronunciation of my name. Maybe 'Darth Vad-air' or 'Darth Vad-eer'. I do like that first one. It sounds rather elegant, does it not?
Darth Vad-air
Dear Diary,
Well! I am most definitely not changing how people pronounce my name! So many people hid laughs when I told them they must pronounce it 'Vad-air'. I had to kill about twenty individuals because they were spreading the joke around! Besides, (as I now realize) 'Vad-air' sounds really wimpy. So weak. Soo... French-sounding. Vader inspires fear. He does not eat snails.
Darth Vader, the Fear-Inspiring Menace (Ooh! I like that title!)
Dear Diary,
Had to fire the entire kitchen staff. They were serving-get this- peanut butter sandwiches on peanut butter-flavored bread, peanuts, peanut juice(whatever the heck that is) and peanut butter ice cream. And they KNOW I am allergic to peanuts! What are they trying to do, kill me?
Allergicly yours,
Vader
Dear Diary,
I haven't eaten anything all day, since I fired the kitchen staff yesterday. I'm so hungry! Well, I did eat some nutrition bar, but it tasted so odd that I threw it away after the first bite. I am, at present, about to go over and do a bunch of interviews. I hate interviews!
Vade
Dear Diary,
I saw a falling star today. I wished on it, naturally. I can't really remember what I wished for, though.
Vadyie
Dear Diary,
I have just realized that lately, I cannot remember much of anything. Does this mean I am getting old? Becoming chronologically challenged? Becoming... senile? No... no... it can't mean that... I'M NOT OLD! I'M YOUNG! I'M YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNGGGG!
Fairly-YOUNG Vader
Dear Diary,
Since my little outburst yesterday, I have become extremely paranoid. I don't want to die! Who does? Who really wants to die? Therefore, I have started exercising, eating right, and drinking these really nasty shakes that are supposedly good for you, but, honestly, they just make me want to empty my stomach, if you catch my drift.
Healthily,
Vader
Dear Diary,
Today I hired a health consultant. Very professional. That title sounds cool, doesn't it? 'Health consultant'? Anyway, I am now on a diet perfectly suited for me. I SHALL LIVE!
Vaderi
Dear Diary,
I realized today that with all the panic I have been going through about my health, I haven't had any chance to think about killing Palpie. None whatsoever. But, today, I am dedicating all my thought to it... I SHALL WIN! I SHALL WIN! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
DV
A/N: I think I might take a break from this for a while. I just can't seem to come up with anything good lately! I don't want to force myself to keep updating regularly and have the new chapters get worse and worse. Therefore, it might be a couple of weeks before I update this again. Hopefully, by then, I will have some ideas.
Replies:(This is becoming a habit on ALL my stories. Oh well...)
DarthGladiator45: Tremble, shudder, hide under the carpet... any reason for Darth Vader to believe you are intimidated by him.
highonlollypops: Thank you.
someone: Good!
SithWorshiper: Cool? Only COOL! Well... I am insulted. So is Darth Vader. After all, his diary is extraordinary, stupendous, wonderful beyond comprehension. It is not "cool". Well, it is, but it is not JUST "cool".