CHAPTER 10
Summary: Mercedes reveals a past secret to Sam; Sam and Mercedes surprise Finn with lunch because they miss him since he's working double shifts; Stacey's health gets worse and Sam and his family need a miracle
Rating: Mature
Warning: This chapter is dark and hopeful all at once. I touch on a lot of subjects but it isn't all doom and gloom. Strong Sexual Content. Strong Language. Discussion of colorism and weight issues. Please read with discretion.
Author's Note: I want to thank everyone for taking the time to review this story; it means a lot to me that somebody out there is reading and reviewing it! Please excuse any errors.
Loving the Pain Away
Mercedes woke to find Sam staring at her. She touched his face and he smiled a little, his eyes were misty and she brushed away the small tear that was about to slip down his pale cheek. His cock pressed against her thigh, fully erect. The room was silent except for the faint ticking of the antique cherry wood clock she had on her dresser; the morning sun shined on their bodies and for the first time Mercedes realized that Sam had pulled away the covers, he stroked her hips, letting his fingers dip into the slight grooves of her light brown stretch marks, his hair hung loosely around his shoulders. With each gentle touch, Mercedes felt her need increase, a slick wetness gathered between her plump thighs.
She shifted so that she covered him completely, taking him inside her, pushing herself downward, then gently swaying her hips, there were no words, only soft moans and gasps between them, and Mercedes was reaching for him, trying to pull him back to her, away from all those things he carried on his shoulders. He grabbed her hips and held on tight, following her movements, and together they were finding that place where everything was safe and familiar like the first time they kissed under the stars, or when they fell in love with Finn in the greenhouse on that hot summer day; she clutched her huge breasts between her small hands and held them to his mouth, he sucked her big thick nipples, tugging them between his perfect white teeth; and then he took control, gripping her wide hips and, guiding her deeper and deeper... Mercedes wanted him to reach that place where hospitals didn't exist and death was just a myth.
She kissed and licked his muscular chest, teasing his hard pink nipples with her tongue; then she gently sucked that sensitive spot on his neck right below his ear, leaving a passion mark on his damp skin, a purplish bruise that claimed him as her own. Sam gasped and shivered, his back arching off the bed. Then she pressed a soft kiss to that faint, slightly raised scar on his right arm, the one his father left when he was 8 years old because he forgot his bible verse in Sunday school. Sam's eyes filled with tears when she did this and she knew he understood what she was trying to do: love away the pain. Mercedes felt beautiful riding him, throwing her head back, she bit her lip, crying out. She squeezed his cock so sweetly, nice and tight was her fit, and he panted beneath her, slapping her generous ass with his callused hands giving her that pleasant stinging sensation she often craved during their love making.
Each thrust was like a light that guided them together, she gazed down into his green eyes and he was crying, not sad or happy tears, but just letting out everything he carried inside him, and those tears touched her heart, then he looked up at her and smiled, his face flushed red, and together they reached that bliss, shaking, moaning ... she didn't scream, it was more like a soft whimpering cry and Sam came with her as she lay on top of him. Then everything was still and she felt his heartbeat. He held her close, his breath in her ear. They stayed silent as they caressed one another, and they exchanged long, deep kisses and then Sam shifted her to his side and he held her face in his hands, staring at her. There was just this moment, this room, with their bodies pressed together and for now that had to be enough because what existed beyond the walls that surrounded them was too much to bear.
Sam settled his full lips onto hers before pulling away and rising from the bed, he lifted her into his strong arms and carried her to the bathroom where he turned on the shower and they stepped inside. He washed her body, his hands gliding along her wet flesh, and she savored each touch. Sam was meticulous with the task, scrubbing every part of her carefully, lifting each of her heavy breasts and washing the crevices. He then unbraided her hair and grabbed the shampoo from the shower caddy, he positioned her directly under the showerhead, and squirted the peppermint scented shampoo into her dense, kinky curls, she closed her eyes as his fingertips massaged her scalp, the fresh minty aroma, tingling her nostrils. When he was done, he thoroughly rinsed her hair, making certain no suds were left in her springy curls; then he put in the creamy conditioner, waiting a few minutes and then carefully rinsing it out.
She smiled to herself remembering how she once explained to him that rinsing her hair took extra time due to the thickness, he must have listened because he really made sure nothing was left in her hair and that the water ran clear when he was finished. Every now and then he would stop and kiss her, not only on the lips but other places too; no body part was neglected of a kiss or gentle caress. He loved her everywhere. For a few moments, his large hands rested on her soft, abundant belly, a faint smile forming on the corners of his mouth and she knew he was thinking about all of their future babies growing inside her. She placed her hands on top of his and they just gazed at each other. Sam looked so gorgeous under the shower spray, the droplets of water clung to his torso, getting lost in the ridges of his perfect abs.
She reached for him, but he gently stopped her eager hands and then he knelt before her and wrapped his arms around her thick thighs, pressing his lips against her mound, giving her a sweet kiss, and Mercedes ran her hands through his long, blonde hair twisting the tangled wet locks around her fingers. As he kissed her again, she felt his hot breath against her clit and she moaned as her body crept toward that familiar nirvana, a wonderful bliss that coursed through her whenever he began to push her over the brink. Then he slipped his fingers inside her and it only took a few strokes before her knees buckled and she almost came crashing down onto the floor, but Sam's grip was a tight one and he held onto her - he would never let her fall. Then he looked up at her, water running over his face, his green eyes brighter than she had ever seen them. She slowly sank down to where he knelt before her and pulled him in for a kiss, and she tasted herself on his lips, along with the unique saltiness of his skin. This beautiful boy, soon to be man, loved her completely and she was his forever.
Skin Deep
While Sam was downstairs in the kitchen cooking them breakfast, Mercedes was in her bedroom closet, about to step on the scale. She used to keep it in the bathroom like most people, but Sam and Finn gave her such a hard time about it because they hated how she fretted over her weight, telling her that every pound of her was beautiful. While this lifted her wounded spirit, reality finally set in. In three more weeks, her parents would be coming home from Kenya with tales of dying children and National Geographic commentary on the beautiful wildlife. The reason they were in Kenya was to assist in opening up free medical clinics, a cause that Mercedes admired but felt slightly resentful of.
The bathroom wasn't the only place her mother had put a scale; there was one in the kitchen, living room, and the home gym in the basement. Finn almost tripped over the one in the kitchen and Sam put it in the hall closet, shaking his head at the absurdity. Before they could say anything about the living room scale, she put it away in the closet under the stairs. But all of the scales would have to return once Dr. Grace Jones came home; the reason she put them in the kitchen and living room was because those were the rooms Mercedes ate the most. Her mother reasoned that if she stepped on the scale before grabbing a bag of chips, then she would be less likely to eat junk.
Mercedes took a deep breath, closed her eyes and stepped onto the digital scale, the numbers quickly calculated and she was surprised that she had lost 12 pounds. Her mother would be pleased or at least she hoped so. The reason for the weight loss wasn't because of dieting; it was because she was so worried about Sam and then she got that stomach virus, so her appetite had decreased a lot.
"Cedes?"
Mercedes jumped at the sound of Sam's deep voice, she turned around and found him standing in the closet doorway.
"Yes?"
"I came to tell you that breakfast is ready. I made us spinach omelettes," he pointed to the scale, "What are you doing?"
She hesitated then said:
"I'm weighing myself."
He shook his head.
"Why?"
"Sam, I really don't need for you to give me a hard time about this, ok? I have to do this."
He held out his hand to her. "Come here."
She took his hand and he led her out of the closet; he sat down on the edge of her bed and pulled her down onto his lap.
"I want you to tell me about all of this weight stuff."
Mercedes rested her head on his strong shoulder, inhaling his scent of peppermint shampoo and cocoa butter body wash; she chuckled to herself, it was funny to smell her products on his skin. He liked the shampoo a lot and said it made his scalp tingle.
"What do you mean?"
He sighed and held her close.
"I want to know everything. Like why there were scales everywhere, and all that diet crap in the freezer, and even about this whole light skin/dark skin thing, which isn't about weight, but I want to understand or at least try to anyway. I love you, Cedes, and whatever hurts you, hurts me too."
"Sam, you are going through so much right now. I don't want to add anything else to your load. This stuff between me and my mother goes back a long way; it's not something that can be fixed anytime soon, if ever."
Sam kissed her cheek and said: "Baby, I'm not trying to fix anything. I just want to understand better. I feel like there's this part of you that I don't know. And you're right, I am going through a lot right now, but that doesn't mean that your pain should be ignored. Like Finn said, we share each other's burdens. All I know is that I see a beautiful, kind, caring girl who is so blind to her own worth and beauty, it breaks my heart, but what's even worse is that I feel like your mother is the cause."
Mercedes traced the calluses on his hands, she kept her eyes focused on his hands because it was easier that way.
"My mother was born beautiful, and what I mean is that she's like the classic standard of beauty. Tall, willowy, long hair, creamy skin – those traits are praised in her family. The Baptiste sisters were known for their beauty and intelligence. Men chased them. Women hated them. Teachers adored them. That's all she knows. Anyway, when I was born, I didn't look like her at all, and at family gatherings, people whispered about it. Could I really be Grace Baptiste's daughter, I was too big, my features too broad, Hell, I was just too much. Sometimes I think I embarrassed her. But there's even something worse than that."
"What's worse?"
Mercedes got off his lap and went to the foot of her bed and opened up her hope chest that had been passed down in the Baptiste family for at least two generations, it was solid oak and had beautiful carvings of stars and flowers on the top, inside the chest, each previous owner had her name carved inside; Mercedes' name came right after someone who haunted her existence. She pulled out a heavy gray metal box from underneath the fluffy quilts, silk handkerchiefs, and embroidered sheets. Her heart pounded in her ears; this was the first time she ever shared this with anyone. She settled herself on his lap again and he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her against him. Sam was so kind and loving that it brought tears to her eyes. She took a few deep breaths.
"Cedes, you ok?"
"Yeah, just give me a second. This is something that I've never shared and it's really hard that's all."
Sam only nodded and kissed her lips.
"Just take your time. And remember, I love you no matter what. Never doubt that."
Mercedes hands shook as she opened the box. Inside there was a faded red photo album, a VHS videotape, newspaper clippings, a monogrammed silver comb, a gold locket, a pink diary, and a lock of wavy brown hair tied with a red ribbon. She picked up the videotape and handed it to Sam.
"Could you please turn on the TV on my dresser, and put this in the VCR?" They often joked about how Mercedes still had a VCR.
Sam looked at her for a moment and then did as she asked. Then he sat back down on the bed and pressed play with the remote before pulling her back onto his lap and wrapping his arms around her protectively.
The screen flickered a bit. Then a pink bedroom came into view, but the picture was a bit blurry; a few voices could be heard in the background. The date in the corner of the screen was September 14, 1994.
"Mom, that's not how you do it, you push this button to focus," it was a young girl's voice.
"Amelia, I know what I am doing. Go sit on the bed. I have to be back at the hospital soon," a woman answered.
Suddenly the bedroom came into focus and a pretty little girl sat down on the pink canopy bed; she had long, brown hair, big gray eyes, and a creamy complexion with rosy cheeks. She wore faded jeans with holes in the knees and a white Boyz II Men t-shirt.
Sam paused the video. "Mercedes, what is this?"
"Baby, just watch, you'll see" she whispered leaning against him.
Sam pressed play and they resumed watching the video in silence.
"Hi Antoinette, I'm Amelia and I'm going to be your big sister. We thought we would make a video with each person in the family to let you know how much we already love you and you aren't even born yet! Anyway, I'm an only child now but I'm so happy that you're coming." She smiled brightly, then opened her arms, "This is my room. I love the color pink, Boyz II Men, and my favorite movie is the Lion King. I also like TLC but Mom says their song Ain't Too Proud to Beg is bad and – "
"Amelia Arianna Jones, that is a very bad song. Now stay on track," her mother interjected.
Amelia giggled. "Sorry, about that. Anyway, Antoinette, I'm going to teach you everything you need to know. I get straight As at school so you should listen to me. I'm 10 years old and in 5th grade at Lima Elementary School. Next year I start junior high and I'm so excited! I have a boyfriend named Nathan but he's getting on my nerves" she paused then exclaimed, "Oh, I have something for you!"
Suddenly, Amelia jumped off the bed. The camera followed her to her dresser and she opened up a white jewelry box and pulled out a gold locket holding it up for the camera.
"Get a close up, Mom," she says, swinging the locket in front of her.
The camera zoomed in on the locket.
"This is a locket I picked out for you," Amelia explained, "And you see it has your initials on it, MAJ. You know Mom, she's going to be confused, we keep calling her Antoinette. Dad has already named her Mercedes."
"She won't be confused. Antoinette is her middle name and besides it sounds better and that's what we're calling her."
Amelia shrugged and smiled at the camera.
"Don't be confused Antoinette. Whatever I end up calling you, I'll love you no matter what. You're my little sister and I will always look out for you. Mom did you want to say something?"
There was a brief rustling and suddenly Grace Jones appeared next to Amelia, smiling into the camera. She was very pregnant, her belly protruding in front of her; she wore a green maternity dress and her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. Her gray eyes sparkled.
"Hi Antoinette, I'm your mother and I love you. I can't wait to have you and we are going to be a very happy family, I promise. As you can see, you will be here any day now," Grace said pointing to her big belly, "And all of us are so excited! I'll have a longer talk with you later, but right now we have to go."
As they waved at the camera, a loud male voice grumbled off screen:
"I knew you guys would start without me; I said that child's name was Mercedes!"
Amelia laughed, "Oh, Daddy, calm down. We'll figure it out. Don't mind him, little sister, he's a big softy, I swear!"
That was the end of the tape.
Mercedes sat there emotionless, her body numb. Sam turned to her and said:
"What happened to your sister?"
"About two days after that tape was made, my mother went into labor with me, and on the way to the hospital, a drunk driver hit my family's minivan, Amelia died instantly, my mother and father survived and she ended up having me on the freeway; it was on the news and everything."
"Baby, I'm so sorry, but why have you kept this a secret?"
Mercedes sighed. "My family doesn't like to talk about her - especially my mother. After she had me, things sort of went downhill. I mean you lose one daughter and have the other in the same day. It's just too much. But she wants me to be Amelia and I'm not. I can never be her. Sometimes, she would call me Amelia by mistake. She even kept all of her clothes and tried to get me to wear them but none of them fit, I was too big. Then she started yelling at me to lose weight and -"
Mercedes couldn't take it anymore and she began sobbing, all the pain erupted and she cried harder than she ever had. This was the first time she had ever spoken of her dead sister. And Sam held her as she cried, whispering comforting words, and rocking her in his arms.
"Oh God, Sam, I'm so angry! Angry at her for dying and angry at my mother for wanting me to take her place. I get straight As, I try to be a good person, I love with my whole heart and somehow that's not enough. But you should see how she looks at me, like she's trying to fix everything, trying to figure out how on God's green earth she ended up with a daughter like me when she had someone as perfect as Amelia!"
Mercedes didn't expect Sam to have any answers because there were none to be had. He continued to hold her and tell her no matter what her mother or anyone said she was still an awesome human being, and Mercedes took comfort in his words.
"What about your father?" Sam asked.
"He's useless. I know that sounds harsh but he is. We were really close when I was a little girl, but we drifted away from each other. I don't know what happened there. He never stepped in when my mother was sending me to fat camp and letting me know I never measured up – he was too wrapped up in his dental practice to pay attention. I know that he loves me but it's really too late for him to fix anything. Everything is just broken. I always wonder what would have happened if that drunk driver hadn't hit my family that day. Would we all be happy? Would my mother treat me better?"
"Baby, I wish I knew," Sam said.
"My mother never said she wished that I was lighter but sometimes her family would comment on my complexion and ask why I spent so much time in the sun. And they would always say the same thing: 'you're nothing like Amelia.' My mother never told them to leave me alone or that I was beautiful the way I was. I got those lightening creams because I thought the more I resembled my dead sister, the easier it would be for her to love me. But the weight, well, that's a lot harder to do. I know that she loved Amelia for other reasons besides the fact that she looked like her; but she wants me to be her and I can't do it. I've tried and it doesn't work."
"Anytime you try to be anyone other than who you are, it never works," Sam said, holding her close and kissing her cheek.
"I know, sweetie, I guess I just wanted her to love me. Did you see how happy she was in the video before I was born? She loved me then. What was her reaction when they pulled me from the womb? I feel like I disappointed her without even trying."
"So much happened to your family that day. I can't even imagine giving birth to a child on the same day the other one was killed. You're right it is too much."
"That's why we don't celebrate my birthday."
"Really?"
"Yeah, on my birthday my mother goes away and spends a weekend by herself in the country. We can't contact her unless it's an emergency."
"Wow," Sam said.
"I know. And my Dad just gives me cash stuffed in a fancy Hallmark card."
"Cedes, how come nobody knows about Amelia? All of your friends have lived in Lima all their lives; I'm sure their parents know – you said it was on the news."
"Well, think about it, this happened the year most of us were born, it's not like our parents are going to bring it up unless they had a reason to. And you have to remember, I didn't become friends with any of them until we got to high school and I joined Glee club. You know it still amazes me that Finn and I ended up together; we barely spoke growing up and our only interaction was when he was defending me from bullies. He was totally in love with Quinn even when we were little kids."
Sam hugged her close and said:
"Quinn is like the ballerina in the Steadfast Tin Soldier, pretty to admire from a far but not much there when you get down to it."
"I may not be Quinn's biggest fan but even I think that's a little harsh."
"It may be harsh, but it's the truth."
"She's a dream girl," Mercedes said, gazing into Sam's green eyes.
"Yeah, she's a dream girl, but like all dreams you eventually have to wake up and when you do, it's not always pretty."
Mercedes pulled away from him a little and held his handsome face in her hands:
"What kind of girl am I?"
"You're the everything girl. The reality and the dream."
"I love you, Sam."
"I love you too, Cedes, and thank you for opening up to me. That's a lot to keep inside you."
"It is," she admitted, "So now do you understand about the weight thing a little more?"
Sam nodded. "Yeah, I do, but I still don't like it."
"Would it matter to you if I lost weight?"
"No, it wouldn't matter, baby, I just don't like you doing something like this for the wrong reasons, both Finn and I wish you felt better about yourself, stop trying to be someone else."
"Ok, what if I were doing it for the right reasons, say like my health?"
He shrugged. "Then I would be all for it. I don't care about your size, Cedes, I love you for who you are, not because of a number on a scale. Right now, I think you're gorgeous, but if losing weight makes you happy and you're doing it for you and not to fit some stupid mold, then I'll support you all the way. The reason I hate diets is because sometimes it makes people try to reach ridiculous standards."
"Says the man who has abs that could cut glass," Mercedes said, running her hands across his tight, chiseled stomach.
"Yes, I like having the body that I have, but I don't expect the same of every one, and you know beauty is only skin deep, what's on the inside means a hell of a lot more than what's on the outside. My father is living proof of that."
"That's true. But most guys don't think like you do, or if they do, they're my Dad's age, which is why people don't understand why we're together."
Sam shook his head sadly. "People don't understand why we're together because their narrow minded and I don't have time to dwell on their bullshit, I'm too busy loving the most incredible girl in the world."
Mercedes kissed him, her tongue reaching far into his hot mouth and he reciprocated with just as much fervor, the kiss grew heated and soon Sam was tugging on her purple lace panties.
"I need you again," he breathed as he pushed her onto the bed, and removed her underwear, he quickly slipped out of his boxers, exposing his beautiful cock, which was thick and hard.
"What about breakfast?" Mercedes asked as he pushed himself inside her, she hissed through her teeth as he filled her up, stretching her. His blonde hair tickled her shoulders as he leaned forward, covering her voluptuous, soft body with his hard one.
"I've got something else for you to eat," Sam said, raising his eyebrows and giving her a wicked grin.
"I'm sure you do," she said smiling up at him.
"Besides, I need to be inside you, I can never get enough of your sweet pussy," Sam said as he drove himself into her and she met each thrust.
Mercedes kept her eyes on his, and knew the ride would be fast, sweet, and satisfying, Sam had foregone any foreplay and was going in for that instant quickie gratification.
"Yeah just like that, baby, keep on squeezing my dick, like that," he moaned, "Shit, your pussy is tight, just give it me, Cedes…"
Sam was slamming into her and it was so good, Mercedes just let herself be taken with each aggressive thrust as he pummeled her. She squeezed his hard ass, and pushed him even further inside her if that was even possible.
All too soon, they were coming together, with Sam's warm, thick cum, filling her and sliding down her thighs. She cried out at how wonderful it all felt and Sam nuzzled her neck. Then he looked at her with a worried expression:
"Baby, was I too rough, I'm sorry I got carried away and…"
Mercedes placed her hand over his mouth.
"Sam, you were great as usual. You weren't too rough at all. I liked it."
"I didn't exactly warm you up."
She laughed. "It was a quickie, there are no warm ups," she stroked his cheek and said, "Now, Iay back so I can get my breakfast treat," she said.
"Are you sure?"
"You're still hard, and we need to take care of that, besides you said you had something else for me to eat, unless you're taking back your offer," she said, her inner diva surfacing.
Sam grinned. "By all means," he replied and lay back with his hard cock waiting for her.
Mercedes quickly took him in her mouth and he groaned, she loved making him feel good. His cock tasted good and she took him as far as she could without gagging, bobbing her head earnestly, while playing with his balls.
"Cedes, baby," he moaned.
She kept up the pace, hoping her jaw wouldn't get tired, and continued sucking his long, hot shaft.
"Uh, oh, your little mouth feels so good on my big dick, Cedes, oh God, please, oh you're sucking me so good … feels like I'm gonna come.
She stopped for a moment, his cock popped out of her mouth.
"So come, I ain't stopping you, Mr. Evans," she said and took him into her mouth again, and a few seconds later he exploded into her mouth and she swallowed it all.
Sam pulled her up toward him and kissed her hard, letting his hands roam up and down her smooth back before settling on her cushiony ass, and squeezing each cheek.
When they broke the kiss, he was barely breathing, his eyes were lustful.
"That was awesome, Cedes, I love you so much, you give your whole heart each time you love me and I can't even tell you how much that means to me. And what you did for me earlier this morning was beyond awesome too."
"I love you, Sam, and of course you have my whole heart. I don't go halfway either."
Sam smiled and held her close, but then his mood changed and he became somber.
"I want you to talk to your mother about all the stuff you told me today. I know it might not change things, but she needs to know how her treatment ruined your self-esteem."
Mercedes kissed his heart and said.
"I'll talk to her. It's been a long time coming."
"And when it happens, please let me know how it went. Are you going to tell her about me and Finn?"
"Yes, I love you both and you're a part of me. I don't know how she will take it. My father might have a heart attack."
They exchanged soft kisses and murmured words of love to each other. Then Mercedes noticed that it was almost noon and she got an idea.
"I know that both of us have been missing Finn since he's been working all those extra shifts at the garage. Let's surprise him and take him lunch. You can make that chicken salad he loves so much."
Sam kissed her forehead.
"That sounds like a great idea and then afterwards we can go to the hospital to check on Stacey."
"Ok, it's a plan, now we should wash up and get dressed, and no funny business Sam," she said as he lowered his head and took her thick nipple between his big lips and sucked, "What funny business, Miss Jones, ain't nothing going on but the rent."
Mercedes fell back on the bed and laughed at his use of 80s slang; he really needed to stop listening to old school R&B. Then he took more of her breast into his eager mouth and she closed her eyes and sighed. This boy did her in once again.
Blue Roses
Finn was just finishing up changing the oil on a Toyota when he looked up and saw his entire world walk through the door. Mercedes and Sam came breezing in carrying a picnic basket, bright smiles on their beautiful faces and for Finn, nothing else existed except the two of them in that moment when their eyes met his. He wiped his hands on a rag and walked over to them, wanting desperately to hold them in his arms, but he reeked of motor oil. So he kissed each of them on the lips instead. Mercedes wore his favorite red sundress, the one that hugged her in all the right places and Sam looked handsome in his jeans and green polo shirt that brought out the green in his eyes.
"What are you guys doing here?" He asked.
"We miss you, Finn, so we decided to bring you lunch; do you have time to eat with us?" Mercedes asked, her eyes hopeful.
"Of course, I do, I was just about to take a break anyway. Why don't we sit out on the deck in the back yard?"
"Sure, we'll meet you out there," Sam said and taking Mercedes' hand, they went outside.
Finn went into the tiny bathroom in the garage and took off his coveralls and washed his hands. He combed his hair and stared at his reflection. For a second, he questioned what they saw in a big oaf like him, but then he chased the thought away. They loved him and that was enough. He smiled at his reflection and walked out into the back yard. Sam was taking out the sandwiches and Mercedes was filling paper cups with sweet tea. Finn was glad that his mother let Burt splurge on new patio furniture; it was a nice Brazilian wood set complete with a table, chairs and a couple of recliners. It was a far cry from the rickety picnic table they had before.
"Where is everybody?" Mercedes asked as she handed him his drink.
"Mom's at work. Burt went upstairs for a minute, and Kurt dragged Blaine to some vintage clothing shop in West Lima, why?"
"We brought a lot of food; so if anyone wants to join us if they can. And everybody loves Sam's chicken salad."
Just then Burt came out onto the deck, smiling broadly, his white t-shirt tucked carelessly into his jeans.
"Hey there, Miss Lady," he said, reaching down, kissing Mercedes on the cheek, "Don't you look pretty in red. These boys treating you right?"
"Yes, they are, and thank you. Would you like to join us for lunch? There's plenty of food. We've been missing Finn so we came over."
"I'd love to join you," Burt said, sitting down beside Sam, he turned and shook his hand, "How you doing there, Sam?"
"I'm good Mr. Hummel, how are you?"
"Can't complain, Finn has been really helping me out. I had a few setbacks, but things will turn around soon and you all will be able to see each other more."
"Burt, you know I don't mind working these extra hours," Finn said.
"I know you don't son, but you need to have fun when you can, like we talked about."
After everyone had a sandwich and drink and chips in front of them; Burt picked up his sandwich, but Finn grabbed his hand, startling him a bit.
"We like to say grace before we eat. You don't mind do you?" Sam asked.
Burt blushed. "You know that's really nice. Of course I don't mind. Please do."
They all held hands and Sam said the blessing. After he said amen, they began eating their sandwiches, murmuring about how good they were. Finn loved being surrounded by his family like this and he couldn't keep a grin off of his face. The faint scent of roses wafted over them every time the wind blew; the sun shined bright and there wasn't a cloud in the postcard perfect blue sky, and Finn's heart was filled with gratitude.
"Thank you both so much for coming. I missed you too," he said and he reached over and kissed Sam and Mercedes on the cheek. It felt good to be open about their relationship in front of Burt. Why should he be ashamed of those he held close to his heart? Burt smiled at the brief exchange of affection.
"So Sam, are you still working over at Chang's Deli?"
"Yes I am, I really like Mr. Chang."
Burt nodded and took another bite of his sandwich. "He's a great guy. I think he's been living in Lima almost as long as I have. You know I'm sorry about your sister; has her condition improved?"
Sam stared down at the table for a moment then responded:
"She's stable but not much improvement. All of us are praying. If you could too, my family would appreciate it."
Burt reached over and squeezed Sam's hand. "You're already in my thoughts, so I'll just put you in my prayers too, that's no problem at all."
Sam gave him a grateful smile, and Finn put his arm around Sam and hugged him to his side. "Are you going to the hospital today?"
"Yeah, me and Cedes are headed over there after we finish lunch."
"Let me know the minute anything changes, ok?"
"I will I promise," Sam said.
Finn turned his attention to Mercedes. "You're awfully quiet, angel."
"Oh, I'm fine. Just enjoying being here with you," she said and kissed his cheek.
Finn felt that familiar tingle in his belly; he looked into her pretty brown eyes and said, "You're wearing my favorite dress."
She giggled. "I know. I'm glad you noticed."
"How could I not notice? You look gorgeous, Mercy."
She flustered a little, looking away from him in that shy way of hers that made his heart melt, he gently put his hand under her chin and turned her to face him, "I meant what I just said, so I hope you own it." Then he kissed her on the lips.
"Thank you," she whispered in his ear, before pulling away.
Burt couldn't give Sam enough praise about his chicken salad.
"What's your secret?"
"You have to slow roast the chicken first at a low temperature, and then season it with salt, pepper, and rosemary. I like to use garlic too."
Burt took another bite of his sandwich and said, "You should have your own cooking show on that Food Network."
Sam laughed. "Well, I don't think I'm good enough for that, but my Grandma was, she could cook circles around anybody. She died a few years ago."
Finn felt a pang of sadness when Sam mentioned his grandmother because during his breakdown, he confessed that he never got a chance to say good-bye to her. He reached over and held Sam's hand. Sam gave him a sad smile and said:
"It's ok, Finn."
Finn squeezed his hand and resumed eating.
"Hey Sam, what brand are these? I've never tasted such good chips," Burt asked as he popped one into his mouth.
"I made the chips," Sam said.
"My goodness, you can make potato chips? How?"
Sam gave a modest shrug. "It's not that hard. You just need a mandolin slicer and a frying pan, some salt and pepper."
Burt was confused. "Since when can a guitar slice potatoes?"
Sam smiled. "A mandolin slicer cuts potatoes really thin, it's not a guitar. You can get a cheap one at Target."
Burt raised his eyebrows. "Good to know. I really think you should have your own cooking show. You definitely have the talent for it. I mean I love that Kurt can make fancy stuff, but I much prefer regular food like this, not everybody can get into escargot, you know what I mean?"
"I know exactly what you mean," Finn said and reached over planting a kiss on Sam's temple.
A faint rosy blush crept into his Sam's pale cheeks. "Thanks Mr. Hummel, I'm glad you're enjoying lunch."
When everyone was finished with their sandwiches and chips, Mercedes said:
"Finn, we brought you a surprise for dessert." She reached into the basket and pulled out a strawberry amaretto cake filled with amaretto cream.
"Wow, you guys made my favorite cake!"
Mercedes laughed. "Well, I didn't make the cake, I only cut up the strawberries; the master chef over here did all the work."
"Master chef is right, cut me a big piece, will you Mercy?" Finn said eager to dig into the cake, for him the first bite was always the best.
Finn felt like it was Christmas morning as he savored the first bite of that delicious cake, the strawberries were ripe and sweet and the amaretto cream was lighter than air.
"Finn, don't tell Carol I said this, but this is way better than our wedding cake," Burt said as he took another bite of cake.
"Your secret is safe with me," Finn said.
Mercedes rummaged around in her purse and pulled out a bottle of pills and a small tube of cream. She handed one of the pills to Sam.
"Here, sweetheart, it's time for your iron tablet," she said.
"Thanks, Cedes," he said and immediately took it with his sweet tea.
She then unscrewed the cap on the cream and squirted a little onto her hands and spread it on his cheeks.
"Your eczema is starting to flare up again," she murmured quietly and he kissed her forehead as she patiently rubbed the cream into his cheeks.
Finn enjoyed watching them like this, it made him so happy that all of them took care of each other. They brought him his favorite lunch and she wore that killer red sundress just for him; he was a lucky guy. Burt must have thought so too because he said:
"You boys better not let this fine girl go. Take it from me, I know a good woman when I see it, and Miss Mercedes is pure gold," he said.
Mercedes' eyes shined with tears.
"Thank you, Mr. Hummel, that was a wonderful thing to say."
"I only speak the truth, but you are very welcome."
"We don't plan on letting her go, Burt," Finn said as he put his arm around her.
Sam agreed. "No sir, we would have to be insane to let go of her, she means the world to us."
Mercedes wore a smile that was brighter than he had ever seen and Finn couldn't have been happier; Burt was right, their girl was pure gold.
The rest of lunch was spent laughing and joking with one another. Every now and then, Finn would pull either Sam or Mercedes toward him for a kiss or to simply hold their hands. He missed them a lot and this time spent with them felt amazing. Burt excused himself after awhile, saying he had to get started on fixing a muffler. When he was gone, Finn said to them:
"You guys want to see the blue roses my mother just planted?"
"Sure, I love roses," Mercedes said.
Finn put one arm around Mercedes and the other around Sam and the three of them walked over to his mother's flower garden at the far end of the yard, he noticed that both of them smelled like peppermint.
"Ok, why do the two of you smell like you just ate a bag of mints?"
"Does it bother you?" Mercedes asked.
"No, baby, it doesn't bother me, but I am curious."
"It's kind of a long story but to make it short. We used the same shampoo this morning." Sam said.
Finn couldn't help to feel a little jealous when he heard this. He missed those morning showers with them, and part of him wished that Burt and his mom would go on another extended vacation. As if sensing something was wrong, Sam said:
"I was only over there last night because I checked on Cedes and we ended up falling asleep. I had to call my Mom and she wasn't thrilled about it but she's too worried about Stacey right now to care much. We do miss you Finn and we love you very much."
Finn hugged them close to his heart.
"I know you do. I'm fine. I just miss the time the three of us shared together that's all. When we would wake up together. And it's been awhile since we all… well, you know."
They continued on to the flower garden and once they got to the rose bushes and were hidden from view, Sam kissed Finn's neck while Mercedes kissed his lips, their hands roamed beneath his t-shirt, stroking his chest, lightly touching his nipples.
"Mercy, Sam, you guys, we can't go much further as much as I want to." Finn said, gasping for breath, their touches were like fire on his skin.
"We know," Mercedes whispered before kissing him again, "We just want you to know that you are a apart of us. We're connected, ok?"
"Cedes is right, babe, so don't ever let those doubts cross your mind," Sam said and kissed his lips.
Finn only nodded and the three of them embraced, he wanted to feel their bodies pressed against his, and he held onto them tightly, not ever wanting to let go.
"At least all of us taste like strawberries and amaretto cream," Finn said with a chuckle.
"That's true," Sam said laughing.
Finn pointed to the new rose bush.
"There's the blue roses," he said to them.
"They're beautiful, Finn," Mercedes said, her face glowed and right then and there he made a mental note to buy her a dozen blue roses, just so he could see her eyes shine like that again.
"I wish I could give you one, but my Mom would kill me if I cut any of her flowers," Finn said.
"That's ok, baby, I'm glad you showed them to us," Mercedes said, patting his shoulder.
"They are nice," Sam said, "I've never seen roses that shade of blue before."
They stood in the garden kissing and caressing one another until the bumblebees decided to come and Mercedes freaked out, flailing her arms about when one landed on top of her shiny Afro, and Sam laughed as he swatted it away.
"Calm down, Cedes!"
"Oh shut up, Sam," Mercedes huffed as she walked away from them, swinging her ample hips. Finn enjoyed the view of her big, round derriere; he suddenly imagined running his hands all over her bare ass, and his breath caught in his throat. Damn that red sundress!
"Baby, come back," Finn said, trying to hold in his laughter and not doing a very good job of it, Mercedes always did hate insects, not that he blamed her but it was funny to see her lose her cool because she was always so together about everything; it was just another reminder that she needed them and that made him feel good inside.
"Don't be a sourpuss," Sam teased. And she wasn't mad for long and soon the three of them were kissing again until Finn pulled away from them because it was getting late and he had to get back to work.
"Burt needs me," he said.
"We understand. We just hate to leave," Mercedes whispered.
"Don't worry, we'll have plenty of time to spend together soon," Finn said trying to lighten the mood as he tightened his arm around her.
"He's right," Sam said.
They gathered up the trash on the patio table and gave Finn the leftover chicken salad and cake - which he was all too happy to have. He walked them to the car and after sharing one last good-bye kiss with each of them he watched them drive away, his heart breaking a little as the car grew smaller in the distance.
Believe
Sam and Mercedes were curled up on her bed reading the latest Scott Westerfeld novel in the Uglies series. Mercedes was a fan of his books and now she had hooked Sam on them. They took turns reading out loud and though Sam struggled sometimes, Mercedes was always patient, letting him know it was ok to take his time. It was around 10:00 and Sam knew he had to leave soon, though he hated too; it was so cozy, in her big bed, his arm draped around her and her soft voice in his ear. After they had lunch with Finn, they spent much of the afternoon with his family at the hospital. Stacey was a little better, and she was happy to see Mercedes, telling her all about her new book and how much she and her doll Maggie liked it. Stevie was his usual chatty self and even their mother had a few kind words to say to Mercedes though she was quiet for most of the visit. Just as he predicted, Aunt Patty and Mercedes instantly hit it off with each other, joking and talking like two old friends. Aunt Patty made them promise to invite her and Uncle Leroy to their future wedding, which amused Sam; he had no idea how she would take the news of Finn being a part of their relationship, but something told him she would be ok with it; she wasn't one to judge people.
Just then his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out reluctantly and saw that it was his mother; his heart dropped.
"Hi Mom, is everything alright?"
His mother was crying. "Sam, sweetie, come to the hospital. Sugar is in a coma, and things don't look too good."
Sam felt numb. "Ok, Mom, I'm on my way."
"Please hurry, Sam, we need you. Sugar needs you."
He hung up the phone and stared off into space; he couldn't feel his body or anything around him, a loud rushing noise was in his ears; suddenly he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.
"Sam, baby, what is it?" It was Mercedes.
That warm hand and kind voice slowly pulled him back from slipping away completely.
"Cedes, its Sugar. She's in a coma. We have to go to the hospital," Sam whispered.
"Oh my God, Sam," Mercedes said and hugged him. They quickly put on their shoes and as they were rushing out the door, his phone vibrated again. This time it was Finn.
"Hey, babe, I know this sounds crazy, but I feel like something is wrong. Are you ok?"
Sam held back his tears.
"Sugar is in a coma. Cedes and me are going to the hospital."
"I'll meet you guys there," Finn said and hung up.
He turned to Mercedes.
"Finn is going to meet us a the hospital."
"Ok."
The drive to Lima Children's Hospital Center was tense. Sam found it difficult to breathe. He rolled down the windows and felt the night air blowing against his face. He needed to get away, to escape. He couldn't face his sister's death just like he couldn't face his Grandmother's. His stomach was nauseous and the bile was rising in his throat.
"Cedes, pull over the car!"
Thankfully, she asked no questions and she quickly pulled over to the side of the road. Sam hopped out of the car and collapsed on the ground, clutching his stomach, his body was hot. He felt Mercedes' hands rub his back and suddenly he threw up into the grass; she held back his hair as he vomited, tears streaming down his face. Then she disappeared, and returned with a bottle of water, coaxing him to drink it. He did as she asked and the cool liquid felt good sliding down his throat. Finally he stood up and she handed him some tissues to wipe his mouth and face. They got back in the car and they were on their way again, Sam leaned his head out the open window.
"Cedes, what if she doesn't make it? What if this is it?"
"Baby, please -"
"It could happen. I can't say good-bye. I'm not ready to."
Mercedes reached over and grabbed his hand.
"I'm sorry Sam, I don't know if anyone is ever ready for death."
"You're right," Sam said quietly and kissed the back of her hand. "I just don't know anymore. I got no fight left in me."
They were silent for the rest of the ride. When they arrived to the hospital, the parking lot was full so they had to park in the garage, much to Sam's dismay. And that was a chore because they had to roam around the garage just to find an empty space. They finally found a spot on the 4th level and soon they were in the elevator and walking into the shiny halls of the hospital.
When they got to her room, Sam found Stevie curled up next to Stacey, his head rested on her fragile shoulder. His mother was on the other side of the bed holding her hand, her head bowed in prayer or grief, Sam couldn't tell which one it was. Stacey looked as pale as her porcelain doll, her favorite pink quilt was pulled up to her chin. The only sound was the beeping of the monitor. Stevie spotted them first and he got off the bed and walked over to Sam, flinging his thin arms around him.
"She's just sleeping, right Sam? Tell them to wake her up!"
"Stevie -"
"No, she's not dead yet. The doctors say that comas aren't death. We just gotta wake her up. And don't let Mom, take her to that place."
"What place?"
"Hospice," Sam's mother said, as she walked away from Stacey's side and gave him a hug.
"I don't understand," Sam said.
"It's where you go to die," Stevie said, still clinging to Sam, "They make you feel nice about dying."
"Who told you that?"
"I heard the nurses talking about it," Stevie said.
He turned to his mother.
"Mom, is that true? And where's Dad? Does he know what's going on?"
"Yes, it's true. We've exhausted all treatments. They say it's for the best. Your father knows and he is in Indiana delivering a shipment of fiber glass, he should be here tomorrow."
"It's not for the best!" Stevie shouted.
"Stevie, not now, we thought about this long and hard," She said, trying to calm her son.
"What about hope?"
Sam hugged Stevie close to him.
"Stevie, you know that Stacey is dying. We talked about that."
"I know that she's dying. I get that. But if we move her to hospice, it's like we gave up on her. She can hear us. I know she can. And you told me to keep hoping, and I'm hoping and praying, how come nobody else is? Why is everybody acting like she's dead? I know she's just dreaming of angels; please don't send her there."
"Please, Stevie, it's not that simple," Sam said, "I wish it was but it isn't."
"Yes it is, you tell me all that stuff, and you don't do it yourself!"
Sam was at a loss. He turned to Mercedes who stood there with tears in her eyes; she grabbed his hand and squeezed it. Neither of them knew what to say.
Then his mother said to Mercedes: "Thank you for coming. I know Stacey would appreciate you being here."
"You're welcome Mrs. Evans," Mercedes said and hugged her. Sam noticed that his mother stiffened at her touch, but then she relaxed into the hug.
Stevie stared at them then said: "Sing her a song. She loves to hear you sing Sam. Sing her a song, please."
Sam shook his head. "I don't know if that will help."
"Please sing. We gotta keep trying, right? You always told me to keep trying."
"It couldn't hurt Sam," Mercedes said quietly.
"Ok, but what do I sing?"
"Her favorite song. The one about showing you love. I don't know the name, but you remember it don't you?"
"Yes, I remember, it's called I Will Show You Love," Sam responded.
Just then Finn came into the room, his face panic stricken. He rushed over to Sam and Mercedes and hugged them close. Out of the corner of his eye, Sam saw his mother looked bewildered at the scene unfolding before her. Finn then turned his attention to her and said:
"Hello, Mrs. Evans, I'm sorry for what you're going through with Stacey."
"Thank you, dear, have we met before?"
"Yes, I'm Finn Hudson. I play football with Sam."
"Oh, that's right," she said and then she was once again focused on her comatose daughter.
"We're going to get through this," Finn whispered in his ear. Sam leaned into him, grateful that both he and Mercedes were there; he needed them both now more than ever.
He gently pulled away from the embrace and said:
"Can you two help me sing?"
"Of course, but I'm not sure if I know the song," Mercedes said.
"I'll do whatever you need, just tell me what we're singing," Finn responded.
"It's Stacey's favorite song called I Will Show You Love; it's really beautiful. Even if you don't know the words, just do the best you can," Sam said and then he glanced over at his mother:
"Mom, you need to sing too, in fact everyone in this room has to sing, ok?"
"I know the words, Stevie said, gazing up at Sam, "I know all the words cause I used to sing it to her sometimes. But you sing better than me Sam."
Stevie's voice did leave much to be desired, yet that didn't matter in that moment. They needed all the voices they could get and Sam was going to make sure that happened.
"That doesn't matter Stevie," Sam said and kissed the top of his head. "I want to hear your voice too."
They stood around the bed, forming a circle, everyone holding hands. Then Aunt Patty breezed into the room, carrying a tray of coffee and pastries, and they quickly explained what they were about to do. She agreed to sing too, warning them of her limited vocal ability, as she set the tray down on a nearby table and grabbed onto Stevie's hand. The heart monitor beeped incessantly, reminding everyone that she was just sleeping. Sam reached down and kissed Stacey's forehead, her skin felt cold against his lips, and he wished they had another blanket to put on her. He stopped believing in miracles a long time ago; and now he had to try to believe in them again or at least convince himself of the possibility. The last time he believed in anything it was before the rape happened, before Reverend Franklin died on that April afternoon, it was when he lived inside the glass marbles he found in the attic, and his mother still kissed him good night and told him she loved him, and Stacey was a little baby on wobbly legs, clutching his hand and calling him "Tam" because she couldn't pronounce the letter "S," so for the first two years of her life he was Tam and she followed him around, laughing, her eyes shining, and she was his Sugar and he protected her from everything.
Sam began to sing softly, tears slipping down his cheeks, perhaps Stacey could hear them, maybe their voices would bring her back and she could run and play again and tell Maggie all of her secrets.
I will show you love like you've never loved before
I will go the distance and back for more if you just say the word
'Cause you will come alive again
Call the trying times your friend
Pain that you have suffered through
Never get the best of you
You will hope in something real
Won't depend on how you feel
When you call my name, then I will answer, answer
Soon the others followed suit, Stevie's off-key voice in the mix, but somehow it just made everything more beautiful.
Cause I am on your side
Though the wind and waves
Beat against your faith
You were on my mind
When the world was made
Trust in me my child,
Trust in me my child
Sam got strength from having Finn and Mercedes on either side of him; he loved them so much, and their love was helping him sing, even though everything was killing him inside and his heart was broken at least he was alive, despite all the pain, he was alive and he had to keep singing for Stacey's sake.
Walk out on the water
You have no control
Scared of every failure
Sacrifice your soul, please let that go
Cause you have climbed an uphill road
You have worn a heavy load
You have cried through endless nights
Nearly giving up the fight
Watch your dreams like fallen stars
Heartache made you who you are
Looking back you see that I've always been there
Everyone was singing louder now, and Sam lead the charge, he closed his eyes and swayed gently.
Cause I am on your side
Though the wind and waves
Beat against your faith
You were on my mind
When the world was made
Trust in me my child,
Trust in me my child
Where you gonna hide, where you gonna hide from me?
Where you gonna go, where you gonna go that I can't see?
Then Sam realized that this song described all that his family was going through; it spoke to that dark place in his heart.
Cause I have heard your cry
And it breaks my heart, for I love you so
I will never lie
This is not the end
There is still a hope
Cause I am on your side
Though the wind and waves
Beat against your faith
You were on my mind
When the world was made
Trust in me my child,
Trust in me my child
This was the first time he had heard his mother sing in years; she used to sing when he played his guitar; but those days were long gone and he often wondered why she stopped. Stacey was so fragile, her delicate arms were wrapped around her beloved doll. For a horrible moment, Sam wondered if she would be buried with it, then he pushed the thought aside. He wanted to see her eyes, if she would just open her eyes. They sang the chorus again, and Stevie leaned into their mother, singing with all his heart. Then their voices slowly drifted into humming; suddenly Stevie whispered.
"I saw her move."
"Stevie, are you sure?" their mother asked.
"Yes, I saw her hand move."
"Maybe you only thought - "
"No, Mom, I know what I saw; I'm not lying."
Then Sam saw it too, her fingers wiggled a bit. He reached down and touched her cheek and she wasn't so cold.
"Sugar?"
Her body shifted a little.
"Oh my God, somebody go get a nurse," Sam said.
"I'll go," Finn said and hurried out of the room.
Open your eyes, just open your eyes... Sam pleaded silently.
Her eyelids fluttered and then slowly her eyes opened and she was staring at him.
"Sammy?"
He flung his arms around her, crying into her neck. "Sugar, baby, you're awake!"
Stevie and his mother joined him in the hug, and soon they were all crying and hugging Stacey, fearing that if she closed her eyes they would lose her forever.
"Y'all, let the child breathe!" Aunt Patty said in that no nonsense way of hers.
They pulled away from her giving her some air, and she gazed at them with her beautiful grayish green eyes, her cheeks now had a slightly pinkish hue. And Sam was seeing the Sugar he remembered with bright eyes and long blonde hair that turned to white gold in the summertime.
"I heard you all singing. It was so pretty. The prettiest thing I ever heard." Even her voice seemed stronger.
"I told you she could hear us!" Stevie said as he grasped his sister's hand.
"Stacey how do you feel?" Sam asked as he stroked her face, still marveling at the fact that she was awake and talking to them like it was the most normal thing in the world.
She smiled and said, "I feel nice, Sammy, really nice."
Sam laughed and cried, kissing her cheeks and hugging her once again. Then he remembered that Mercedes was beside him and he hugged her too, how could he have gotten through any of this without her? At that moment, the doctors and a nurse strolled into the room, asking everyone to step aside so they could examine Stacey more closely. Finn was right behind them and Sam hugged him too. The three of them went into the hallway because the room was getting rather hot and crowded.
"I think she's going to be ok," Sam said to Finn and Mercedes, once they stood in the hallway under the bright fluorescent lights.
"That's wonderful," Finn said and kissed his cheek. Mercedes wrapped her arm around him and kissed him too.
"I couldn't be more happy for you and your family."
Sam felt like jumping up and down and screaming to the world that Sugar was awake, but instead, he held Finn and Mercedes close to his heart because they were his anchors in the storm and mattered more to him than anyone else; and though he would never admit it out loud, he believed in miracles again.
End Notes
The song I used in this chapter is "I Will Show You Love" by Kendall Payne. Thanks for reading!