Chapter 10
Walls
Slivers.
Could slivers burn?
Knives.
Heated knives, and ice picks. Shoved, twisted.
Burning. Freezing. Drowning.
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Harsh gasps filled the air. Jolev leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes. An image flashed on his eyelids, and they flew open again. Charles shuddered, and looked to where his teammate lay. Blood surrounded him, and green-blue eyes stared vacantly at the concrete ceiling. The dripping water congealed around him. Jolev felt emotion bubbling up, and he shoved it down.
He wanted to arrange the tall man lying on the floor to a more comfortable position. It doesn't matter, he told himself. He's dead anyway. Sorrow struck him like lightning. The man lying dead was a good, honourable SEAL. Someone he would follow into combat willingly. Someone who had gained his respect through actions. Dark brown hair was matted against his forehead, and dark stubble dotted his chin, forever frozen at the length it was now.
McGarrett wanted to get home, Jolev thought. I guess we'll never get home. Not now. His attention shifted to where they had removed the other limp SEAL. No respect. No dignity.
He deserves that much, Jolev deliberated. He deserves to be taken back home. Charles watched the door where the young man had been pulled out by his feet, leaving a small puddle of blood where he had been laying.
The other SEAL, dead, in the corner, was slowly starting to stink.
Have to get out before he decomposes, Charles pondered the timeframe for when the man would slowly waste away. Charles squeezed his eyes shut, and again, saw the image of Steve's back arching in the air, his eyes wide open, before he collapsed.
A demonstration. Co-operate. And we will not kill you. They had seemed pleased with their work. They had grabbed the limp body and removed it. And not come back, Jolev sighed, and rubbed his knee into the dirt to try to ease an itch.
They haven't come back.
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Pain was prominent. How many times could someone be shot in the head?
It felt like 300.
He wasn't dead.
Water, filling up his mouth; his nostrils.
Air.
Choking.
Was the room moving?
He hadn't been surfing in a while, maybe he finally was surfing. God knows that he missed Hawaii enough to grab a board and—wait. Missed Hawaii? Wasn't he in Hawaii?
No, water.
Pain.
Shock.
His back, arching, his body writhing, trying to escape the pain...the shock. He was shocked?
No, the last time he was shocked was when Danny stopped talking for twenty minutes straight. Turned out he had been eating the whole time.
Danny. Where was Danny? Danny was shocking. Danny ate all the time. Danny's life revolved around food, Grace, and the team. The team? Kono. Chin. Danny. Danny? Danny wasn't here. Danny was in Hawaii. Hawaii? Was he in Hawaii?
He felt himself submerge in water. There was lots of water in Hawaii.
No, Hawaii never hurt his ribs this much. Ribs? He liked ribs. Steak. Barbeque. Saturdays, eating steak with Danny. Danny? Danny was with Grace. Was Grace here? No, Grace didn't like cold, concrete walls, trapping them, and blocking out noises of torture. Torture? Who was being tortured. Grace? Danny? Danny, where was Danny? No, his mind reminded him. You. You're being tortured. Oh.
Well.
At least Danny and Grace were safe.
You moron. What?
Why was Danny talking? Danny was with Grace. Or was he with Kono and Chin. Kono. Beautiful, sweet, kind, angry Kono. Why was she hitting him. No, that's not a woman. Chin?
Maybe he really doesn't like fishing! His mind exclaimed. No, that wasn't Chin either. Chin wasn't here. He was safe. In Hawaii, with Kono.
I'm glad they're safe, Steve said sagely. He was sure if he was able he would nod with himself accordingly, and himself would smile at himself and himself would clap himself on the shoulder, and—God. He sounded like Danny.
You sound like a moron. That voice again. Only a complete idiot like yourself would manage to do this. Danny's voice continued to berate him. Steve ignored the voice. Why listen? Danny angry says the same thing. Stupid...I have a daughter, Steven...I don't want to get shot at!...why me? Why, please, stop...are you completely insane?...What the hell is the matter with you!...not okay...shut up! Don't speak! I don't give you permission to speak!...apology noted...acceptance to come a later date, preferable over beers that you've paid for...steak?
Steak? Right, ribs. Burning.
Why did it hurt so much?
Why couldn't he scream?
Right.
Underwater.
He can't scream.
The only easy day is yesterday.
Don't show them weakness, don't show them fear. Be strong, and be silent. There is always hope in silence.
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Saturday is dawning, and Danny is dreading it with every fibre of his being. Family get-togethers are not his thing. They are still using Steve's house, no matter how much it hurts to walk in, and see the surfaces Steve touched, and lived in. See the memory of a man no longer there. Chin and Kono are trying to be enthused, and Danny knows that it's for his sake, but all he can muster is a small smile, more like a grimace, and sarcastic words of excitement.
"Oh, having a party while my best friend is missing is my favourite way to spend the weekend, how did you know?" and "I am so looking forward to this, it almost makes me forget the rest of the world is screwed up." Danny, for all his moaning and complaining, had still not told his family.
Casey was digging further each day, and each day Danny was pulling back a little more. Visiting his family only during parts of the day was allowing them to clearly see his retreat into himself. Sure, Danny ranted, and Danny yelled, but the remarks were more cutting, the insults stinging more each time. And at the end of the day, the detective could be found staring out into the ocean, as if thinking of Steve would keep him safe.
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Danny smiled for his daughter, and laughed with his father. He baked with his mother and practised dancing with his sisters. He watched movies with Lindsay, and took Chris to Kamekona's. But Danny's eclectic energy that surrounded him, filled him, and transferred to others that he met was diminished. His hands stayed stationary, and his eyes barely sparkled. Grace was the only one who could make Danny easily move and participate.
Chin and Kono, who discovered his ritual by the water, and stood with him, were even slowly pushed away. Danny didn't mean to, just his priorities had changed. The arguments that had supported Jersey so vehemently months ago, and lately had died down, were back in full force. Danny made it clear that his home was not Hawaii, but where Grace was. He made it clear he liked Jersey better. Chin was closest to Danny now, but the man knew that Danny had placed iron walls, reinforced by concrete around his heart. Only Steve McGarrett knew the right demolition tools to use to break down the barrier. Grace was securely protected within the walls, and Kono and Chin had a visitors pass.
Danny's family were allowed observation, but everyone else was firmly shut out of the enigma that was Danny Williams.
Chin would sit with Danny, and Chin would stand with Danny, out in the water. Chin would kneel next to Danny and absentmindedly let salt water drip from his fingers. But Chin and Danny didn't speak until the sun had set and Danny collapsed on a porch chair.
Danny would apologize for his distance, and explain in short, clipped terms his frustrations and his feelings. He would finger a beer and would tell Chin what he wants to say all the time.
I wish he never left.
Danny would close his eyes, squeeze them shut, and Chin would talk back.
I didn't realize how close we were, Chin would admit. And then he leaves and takes everything you thought you knew with him. Chin missed Steve, and the only person he opened up to was Danny. Danny, out on the porch, drinking a beer, and missing Steve. Danny, who barely heard Chin, but focused all his energy to try and understand, because Chin was one of the few Danny still cared for. Danny would let his mind wander while Chin gazed at the stars, or the moon, or the beer, or the water, gently lapping at the shore.
And Chin would talk, and Danny would not, Chin would pause and Danny sigh, and stand up. Chin wouldn't notice. Danny was so caught up in his misery, that Chin felt allowed to finally feel his when Danny was there, trying to listen, and to show he cares. Chin would rant, and show Danny emotion that was normally held back.
Chin would let hot, angry tears roll out of his eyes, and settle in the sand. Chin would talk about anything, and everything. If Kono joined them, she tried to keep spirits light. Danny would walk out of the water as she chatted, before the sun set. Danny wouldn't sit in the chairs, and Danny would tiredly announce; "I'm beat, I'm going to head home." He would always quietly thank them, and disappear to his Camaro.
So Danny was dreading Saturday. Because his family would ask questions, and Kono and Chin would bring their own melancholy, and their family would wonder, and Danny was sure he would cave and tell his family what was happening, why they were so down. But Danny wanted to keep it quiet. He didn't think his family would understand. Wouldn't understand how Danny could become friends with this man quite so fast, why Chin and Kono were mourning him too. Why they were so depressed when he wasn't even confirmed dead yet, and then Danny would snap, and yell. Danny would yell at his family.
Danny would yell about how they don't understand, and how this had set back his life, and how he didn't want their pity, what he wanted was his best friend back. Danny would be in denial, then he would yell about how he's accepted that his friend isn't coming back. And his mother would cover her mouth delicately, and his father would huff, and Lindsay would pat his hand, telling him it would be ok, and Casey would exchange glances with Melissa, who would then burst into tears for her brother, and would hug him. Casey would bemoan the fact that Danny would become withdrawn, pulling back from his family and friends already. She would yell back, ask him since when it was ok for her to lose two brothers, wasn't one enough?
And Danny would storm out. Danny would be angry. Danny wouldn't reply, because to him, it was worse. He had lost one brother to corruption. Danny wouldn't reply, because he had lost another brother. He had lost him to war.
And Danny would be sad.
TBC
Thanks to all the great reviews!
Also, a huge thank you to Shakespeare's Lemonade for being the best beta reader ever, you're awesome!