Finally she stepped back, wiping tears from her face. Then she saw the large wet spot on the front of his shirt. She let out a small laugh that died quickly and sounded foreign coming from Lily, whose laughter was usually full of life and happiness. "Oh, James, I'm sorry," she said, pointing at his shirt. "I-I didn't mean to cry all over you."
"You really think I care about that, Lily?" he asked, looking down at her. He took her hand. "Come on. Why don't we go up to the tower? You can sit down there, and it'll be quiet-"
She wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "I can't," she said softly. "I can't be alone. I can't think about this. But I can't go to class either."
James stood there for a moment. Then he tugged on her hand. "Come on. I know what to do."
He started walking off, still holding her hand, and she didn't bother trying to get away. Quite honestly, she had no idea what to do, so if James did, that was fine with her.
They went down a flight of stairs and walked through several corridors until they reached a portrait of a bowl of fruit. James tickled the pear, then helped Lily through the door that materialized.
She looked around, then looked up at James. "What are we doing in the kitchens?" she asked warily.
"Just wait," he replied. "We won't be here for long."
He grabbed a basket off a shelf and started filling it with food. He put in six different flavors of ice cream, two bars of chocolate, and half a chocolate cake as well as two sandwiches and several bottles of pumpkin juice. Under his breath he muttered an incantation to keep the food cold, then turned back to Lily, grabbing her hand again. "Come on. I have everything we need here to feed a small country. I think we're good."
Lily smiled faintly at the lame joke, but she was too tired and sad to be amused. "James, what are you doing? I'm so tired, I'm not in the mood for excitement."
He paused, then put down the basket and wrapped his arms around her. Slowly she relaxed into his hold, her head resting on his shoulder. "I know," he whispered into her hair after a moment. "I know. I was just trying to think of a place where there would be people around, but no one to ask questions. And I thought you might want some comfort food at some point."
She nodded into his shoulder and finally pulled away. "Okay," she said quietly.
He took her hand and led out the door, through the castle, and out the front doors. Sun hit them in the face, blinding Lily with its brightness. How could the sun still be shining when everything in her world seemed so dark?
He led her over to a tree just a few yards away from the edge of the lake, and then he sat down. All around them, people were stretched in the grass, talking to their friends, studying, or sleeping. There were indistinct voices and soft sounds all around, enough to drown out her thoughts, but, just as James had said, no one to ask her questions.
She tilted her head back against the tree and closed her eyes. In the shade she felt better, and the gentle breeze dried her cheeks and cooled her eyes.
James studied her for a moment, and for just an instant, he saw her face relax and become peaceful as she closed her eyes. Then it tensed up again, as though she couldn't block out the memories, and she sat up with a start. She wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her forehead on her knees. She felt a hand rubbing her back soothingly, and she leaned instinctively towards James.
--
An hour later, Alice found them there (after searching the entire school for Lily), still sitting the same way. Lily was curled up, her head on James' chest, apparently asleep, and James had his arms wrapped securely around her. As she watched them, he tightened his grip on her and dropped a soft kiss on top her head. She smiled to herself, and then walked quietly over, making sure James could see her. When he did, he smiled slightly.
"What's going on?" she asked softly, trying not to wake Lily.
James sighed. He was trying to decide if Lily would want him to tell Alice or not. Finally he said softly, "Her parents her dead. That's what McGonagall called her out of class to tell her. She was crying and I guess she cried herself to sleep." He smiled faintly. "I haven't moved in ages; I was too afraid of waking her up."
Alice sat down on the grass hard, shocked. "Oh, god," she moaned softly. She put her head in her hands for a moment, and then sat up. "What can I do?" she asked softly, not wanting to wake her friend. "Do you need anything?"
James shook his head. "I'm fine. And as long as she's asleep, I think we should let her stay that way. No need to bring her back into all this pain any sooner than necessary."
Alice nodded. "You're right. Send a Patronus to me or one of the others if you need anything. And I'll give them a heads-up, so they don't give her the third degree."
James nodded. "That's probably a good idea," he said softly.
Alice leaned over and kissed Lily softly on top of her head, then stood and walked away.
James watched her go, then copied her motions and dropped another kiss on top of Lily's head.
--
Another hour passed before Lily began to wake up. She shifted her head and then slowly opened her eyes and looked around.
"James?" she asked. "Potter, why am I sleeping next to you under a tree near the -" she cut off as the memories of the past few hours came rushing back. "Oh," she said softly, pain etched in her voice. She sat up slowly and stared out at the lake for a few minutes. Then, with a great deal of effort, she dragged herself to her feet and started towards the lake.
James stood up after her, his muscles protesting after staying in the same position for so long. Then he hurried after Lily. When they reached the edge of the lake, he let her keep going. She started slowly around the edge and he lagged behind, feeling that she needed to be alone for a few minutes. He sat down at the edge and watched her walk.
Lily was grateful that she didn't have to ask to be alone. She appreciated everything he was doing for her, but now she needed to be alone. She walked slowly, watching the now setting sun set reflecting off the surface of the lake. Images kept flashing through her mind. She remembered her father holding the back of her seat as she learned how to ride a bicycle, running after her, and grinning proudly when she looked back after he let go. She could see her mother placing a cake that said HAPPY 8th BIRTHDAY LILY! in front of her, candles glowing. Then, very clearly, came one particular memory. She was seven years old again, and it was a few days before Christmas. She, her mother, and Petunia had been in the kitchen baking cookies, and her father had come crashing through the back door, holding fifteen bags of groceries.
He dumped them on the table as Lily's mother laughingly brushed the snow off her husband's head. He grinned as a lump of snow hit him in the face, then wrapped his arms around his wife, dipped her dramatically, and kissed her. Lily and Petunia had laughed as their father released her, pulled off his coat, and reached for one of the bowls of partly finished cookie dough, which he began stirring enthusiastically. He reached for the flour to add some to the bowl and accidentally knocked the bag over, covering both Lily and Petunia in white powder.
"Dad!" Petunia shrieked as Lily reached for the bag of sugar. "Oh, yeah?" she said, grinning. And then she proceeded to throw the sugar at her father, turning his hair white. The whole kitchen rapidly became a food fight, and hours later, if someone had walked in, they would have found all four of them sitting on the floor, covered in the various ingredients for sugar cookies, eating the few that had already been made along with a jar of frosting.
The tears made their way down Lily's cheeks as she remembered how happy they had been that day. She couldn't bear to think that they would never be together like that again. Then again, she reflected sadly, we haven't been together in a long time anyway. She sat down in the grass, halfway around the lake now, and slowly trailed her fingers through the cold water, leaving ripples behind. That's me, she thought unhappily. Make ripples and then leave them behind and let someone else clean them up. I threw the fact that I was a witch at my family and then ran off to Hogwarts and let my parents deal with the fallout, and look what I did. They're dead now because of it.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped, shocked. Quickly she wiped the tears from her face and turned around to find James there. She looked around and realized that she must have been sitting there for hours: it was dark out now and she could barely see James in the dim light from the moon.
"Lils, we should probably go back to the castle. It's almost nine."
She turned back to the lake and watched the water ripple for a minute. Then she nodded. "Yeah, I guess we should." She let him help her to her feet, and then seemed to see him for the first time. "Have you been sitting outside all this time?" she asked softly.
He turned his head away. "Well, yeah," he replied softly. "It's probably one of the last nice days we'll have before winter…thought I'd, er, take in a little sun and…" he trailed off as Lily smiled faintly. He wasn't fooling her.
"Still have that food?" she asked softly. "I think I'd rather eat out here than in the Great Hall, if you don't mind."
He grinned at her. "Of course!" he nearly shouted. "Of course, it's right here," he said, holding up the basket he was carrying.
She smiled faintly and took the sandwich he offered her and they both sat down again. For a few minutes they ate in silence. Then James said softly, "Do you want to tell me about them?"
Lily put down her half eaten sandwich and sat silently for a minute. Then she said softly, "They were wonderful. I'm not going to pretend we didn't fight, James, because we did. Believe me, we did. There were times when I was sure I hated them."
She paused again. "But they were my parents. I can still remember my father teaching me to ride a two-wheeler, and going shopping with my mom in London. When I was little, and I had a bad dream, my dad used to pick me up and carry me downstairs. He'd make hot chocolate, and then he'd put in chocolate syrup because he knew I liked it that way. Then he'd turn on the t.v. and we'd play checkers until I fell asleep on the couch."
She took a deep breath, then continued. "And they were so in love, James. In love with each other, in love with their kids, in love with life. That's exactly what they were. They were very…alive. They loved doing spontaneous things. You know, one time, when I was ten and Petunia was thirteen, we got up for school one morning, but when we went downstairs our parents said we weren't going. They let us skip school, and they took off from work too, and we went to an amusement park. We spent the whole day there, going on all the rides, winning stuffed animals, and eating all the junk food that we could manage. It was…magical."
She stopped and wiped the tears from her cheeks. As she sat silently, she felt a hand close around hers and squeeze gently. "They sound like wonderful people, Lils. I'm wish I could've met them."
She smiled at him through her tears. "I actually think they would have liked you, James. You have the same…passion, I guess, the same passion for life that they had."
They lapsed into silence, but he held onto her hand, stroking the back of her hand comfortingly with his thumb.
After a minute Lily seemed to come to her senses. "We should get back," she softly, gently pulling her hand from his grip. "It's late, and it looks like there's a storm coming."
Sure enough, when James looked, the night sky had turned that funny purple color that appears only during a storm.
Sighing, he put the rest of Lily's sandwich back in the basket and stood up. Reaching down, he took the basket in one hand and Lily's hand in the other and headed back to the castle.