Disclaimer: I don't own Total Drama!
Dear Lance,
I really hate you! Seriously, So I'm devoting my whole letter to you! Chris told me I had to write a letter to my family and I figured you would be the perfect person to write to since this is YOUR fault I'm stuck in this hell hole in CANADA!
In case you haven't figured it out by now Lance, It's your younger brother Justin! How are you enjoying that modeling gig in LA? Ya know? The one that was supposed to be mine! The one I was going to take until you tricked me and told me I should come on this show and in exchange for it they would give me free hair products and free promotional advertising that would get me even more gigs in the future?! Well it's been 2 years and guess what! I'm stuck here! Literally! This place is like prison! When I signed that stupid contract with Chris Mclean I knew I was going to be on reality TV but I didn't realize that in these two years, I would go from a smokin' hot 10 to a disgusting ugly 7 on that hotness meter! But I'm sure you knew that I would be forced to stay here when you handed me the brochure! I'm sure you knew that this place would be the worst place on the planet! I think you had this planned for years to get me out of the picture! Just like I found out two weeks after I left you stole my girlfriend Caroline! I can't believe my own brother would do this to me! Seriously, I would NEVER do this to you!...Well maybe I would do this to you but only if I wanted your car or hair gel or something...
So, Let me tell you what my life has become aside from being ugly because of you! Not only have I been forced to hang out with complete idiots who are 1's and 2's on the hotness scale but they actually think they can associate with me! Sadly, after 2 years of not seeing any one else other than ugly people I forced myself to associate with them. I usually end up waking up around 6am because these people are constantly waking me up! Do you know what it's like to get woken up by Chef Hatchet at 6am pounding on your door because Geoff wanted to have a cook out INSIDE on a rainy morning and started a fire in the hallway at 6am?! I DO! How about when you're taking a shower and Sierra comes bursting through the door because she thinks Cody is hiding in there? I know what it's like! She dumped out all my shampoo to look for Cody in the bottle! Why would he be there?! He couldn't even fit! Did I mention that my room is across the hall from DJ's and he decided to cry for hours and hours and hours! I have no idea why!
I'm also going to tell you about my creepy stalker! His name is Owen and it's NOT cute or flattering! I don't know if he thinks I'm his friend, which I'm NOT or his boyfriend which I'm NOT because I'm not gay! but in the past 2 years this guy has followed me everywhere! During the show and here! He tries to eat breakfast with me! He tries to play pool with me! He tries to pick up ugly girls with me! He tries to exchange room keys with me and he has tried at least 4 times in the past two years to take a shower with me! This is what you have done to my life, Lance! You have given me a fucking creepy stalker! Cody should stop complaining about Sierra, at least she's not obese and gassy! At least Cody has CLEAN air! My air is polluted by Owen at least twice a day! I would trade creepers with Cody any day!
The only thing I can think of that is worse than Owen would be Katie and Sadie squealing like morons at every little thing! When those two team up with Trent everyone else goes into their rooms and puts in headphones to drown out the obnoxious music that they play! You see for some strange reason Katie and Sadie are attracted to Trent, which he only talks to them because they do whatever they say and he convinced them to join some weird religion about the number 9! Trent is a freak with two desperate girls who treat him like he is some kind of king! Which he apparently thinks he's the king of 9 or something like that! So Trent plays the spice girls CD 9 times every single day! I have no clue where he got a CD from a band that old and why he likes them but the 3 of them will play that CD 9 times EVERY day and sing along badly! EARTH TO TRENT IT'S NOT 1997 ANYMORE! This also explains why Sadie, Katie and Trent were not chosen to sing in season 3. I chose not to do it for the simple fact that Owen was there! That's my new rule to life! If Owen is there, I'm not going.
The good news is, I managed to find another girlfriend around here! Someone who hates everyone just as much as I do. Granted, she's no Caroline but at least she understands the needs I have to look good. Her name is Anne Maria and she loves Hairspray and tanning! She and I have been going tanning almost every day since she arrived here! If I end up stuck here for the rest of my life I would probably marry her as she is the only girl here who cares about her looks as much as I care about mine.
I'm broke right now, Lance! I spent all my money buying hair products on the internet! However I never lose hope that one day my contract will expire! I spend days looking at my contract finding ways to get out of it! One day Lance, I'm going to see you again and when I do, I can promise you that I'm going to get payback on you for this! Remember the plan we had? We were supposed to become models together and marry really hot supermodels and get invited to the playboy mansion! We both could have done that but NO! you had to get jealous and greedy and steal my first solo modeling gig! One day Lance, I'm going to get payback on you! You are really going to regret screwing me over!
Hope your career bombs,
Justin.
There ya go! That's how Justin got there! His brother tricked him and now he can't get out of the contract! This makes Justin the first contestant to not write an angry letter to his parents. I can see Justin being foolish enough to sign a contract in another country where his parents can't help him. I don't know if Justin has a brother but If he did I can imagine him and Justin being "Bros" and then having a jealous modeling rivalry and trying to screw each other over. I'm picturing his brother maybe a year or 2 older. That was my take on it! Justin doesn't seem like he would have douchey parents...I picture him living a rich kind of life style being super popular and having everything handed to him which would make him the way he is on the show.
I'm either going to do Sierra or Noah next and then I'm thinking Lightning.