Thanks for all the reviews! I meant to have this out yesterday, but it was a bear of a chapter for me to write. It reminded me constantly how new I am to writing. I rewrote it several times, but I think this is as good as it's gonna get! ;-)
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All characters from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer.
I am only having a bit of fun and do not own or profit from any of
the characters/story.
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Delivered
Chapter 10
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"But what do I DO?" I practically shouted into the phone.
"There isn't anything more you can do, Jasper. It sounds like Bella was completely overwhelmed and physically shut down as a coping mechanism."
"Carlisle, it has been close to an hour that she's been out. Isn't there something more I can do?" Please I pleaded in my head. I was beside myself with worry.
"Jasper, you've done everything correctly. According to you, and what I can hear over the phone, her vitals are good. Give her a bit more time and I'm sure she'll wake up." I was really having a hard time being patient with Carlisle. It was frustrating that he couldn't help me wake Bella up.
"Hold on a moment, Jasper." I waited with the phone pressed to my ear, stroking the hair of the beautifully exasperating girl that was currently lying in my lap. I just couldn't understand her reaction. What could possibly be so upsetting about Forks? I was sure it had something to do with her past, but at the moment my curiosity was being trumped by my concern for her health.
"Jasper?"
"What?" I answered with obvious irritation. To Carlisle's credit he pretended not to notice.
"Alice said to give her another 23 minutes. She sees Bella waking up by that time, but also says to prepare yourself. Alice sees Bella having a fairly hard day."
I sighed at Carlisle's relay of Alice's vision, although I couldn't say I was surprised. When Bella woke up we were going to face this together.
"Son, I know this isn't the time but I wanted to tell you that I am pleased you have found Bella. I would just caution you to be very careful with…"
"Carlisle, while I appreciate your sentiments, there isn't a chance in hell that I would hurt Bella." I didn't want to hear him tell me to keep my distance from Bella. I wouldn't listen.
"I understand, Jasper, and didn't mean to imply that you would have a problem." He hesitated. "At the risk of upsetting you further, I would like to add how proud Esme and I are of you. Alice hasn't shared everything with us, but I think the fact that you are getting close to a human is remarkable."
"Thank you." And that was all I could say. A lump had risen in my throat and I was unable to express to Carlisle just how much those words meant coming from him. To feel acceptance coming from him as a result of something I was doing right and not as an afterthought to something I had screwed up.
There were a few minutes of awkward silence, and as I was about to say good bye, Carlisle continued.
"Jasper, you mentioned that Bella fainted after learning that we lived in Forks. Is that correct?"
"Yes, she had asked me about all of you and towards the end of the conversation she wanted to know where we lived. All I could feel from her was that she was curious and excited, but as soon as I got as far as telling her we were in Washington her emotions changed quickly. Right before she passed out, I was feeling crushing sadness and failure to the point that my attempt at calming her was absolutely no help at all."
"Hmm. I see." Carlisle was thoughtful. "And her name is Bella. Is that short for Isabella by chance?"
"It is. Isabella Swan." At those words I hear a sharp intake of breath from the other line. "What? What is it Carlisle?"
"Oh, uh, sorry Jasper. I was lost in thought for a moment." He tried to play down his reaction to Bella's name.
"Don't give me that shit Carlisle! Do you recognize her name?" I had to remember that Bella was in my lap to stop myself from jumping to my feet at Carlisle's reaction.
"Jasper, calm down. I just don't want to be hasty here. Yes, the name is familiar but I can't be certain. I will do some research and get back to you. Will you allow me some time and then I will explain my reaction regardless of what I find?"
I held back a growl knowing that being two states away would make it difficult to make Carlisle tell me anything right now. My best bet was to agree to his terms, and hopefully Bella would shed some light on this cluster fuck sometime soon.
"Alright, Carlisle, I'll try to be patient but you know this is killing me." My jaw was clenched.
Carlisle laughed but not in a mocking way, "Jasper, just pay attention to Bella and I'll be calling you back before you know it. Talk to you soon, son."
Before I flipped my phone shut I glanced at the time. Bella should be awake in little more than 20 minutes and I was anxious to know she was alright. I looked down at Bella, enjoying how peaceful she looked and wishing there was something I could do to make the coming conversation easier for her.
It was obvious that her reaction was in response to her past and though I knew it would help for her to talk about it; I didn't relish the pain she would be in when she awoke. As I was watching her I suddenly had an idea. No, it wouldn't fix what she would have to face, but it couldn't hurt.
With that thought I gently moved out from under Bella and quickly ran upstairs to grab her jacket and a thick blanket. It was still unseasonably warm outside, but fall was in the air and I didn't want Bella to be cold. I made my way back to her side and gently slipped her arms through the sleeves of her jacket. I was just about to pick Bella up when my phone vibrated. Thinking it might be Carlisle, I didn't hesitate in grabbing it from my pocket, only to find I had a text message from Alice.
'Awesome idea, Jazz! It will still be rough, but this is really going to help.'
I sighed in relief as I stowed the phone back in my pocket, knowing my idea was going to at least make things a little easier on Bella. I thought about asking Alice for some hints on what the day had in store, but I shrugged that idea off. I only had a few minutes to reach my destination. I bent down and gently scooped my sleeping Angel into my arms and headed out the door.
In order to reach my destination before Bella woke up, I would have to run quickly. I shifted her body so as to cause the least amount of jostling and took off.
Bella was still unconscious when I reached my goal, and once I had everything set up the way I wanted there were only a few minutes left before Alice saw Bella waking up. I had spread the blanket on the ground and had Bella nestled against me. I was lovingly stroking the side of her face when I saw her eyes start to flutter.
As soon as Bella started regaining consciousness I sent out waves of not only calm, but love and security. I wanted her to wake as calmly as possible. I leaned over her so she would only be focusing on me when her beautiful eyes finally opened fully.
"Jasper?" She was confused but not alarmed. Good, that's a start.
I couldn't stop the sigh of relief that came from seeing Bella was awake. "Hey, Sunshine."
"Jasper?" Bella said again, this time a little more concern in her voice. I could feel the realization of what happened coming to the surface. I cupped her face in my hand as I leaned over and softly kissed her lips. "You're okay, Darlin'. I've got you." She looked up at me with her doe like eyes, begging for an explanation.
"Bella, I am helping you to stay calm, but I want you to remember that you're safe and let's just take this slowly." She nodded, her face resting in my palm.
"You fainted, Bella. Do you remember?" Bella nodded again, her eyes starting to fill with tears. I brought her to a sitting position, still keeping her turned towards my body. I cradled the back of her head into the crook of my neck as I felt her body shudder and the tears start to fall.
"Shh. Shh. Go ahead and let it out, Babe. You're safe. I won't let go." I was rocking slowly from side to side, feeling more protective of the small package in my arms than I remember feeling before. What ever monsters plagued her past, I'd face them with her. And if there was a person responsible for causing the pain My Bella was feeling, the wrath of 1,000 newborns wouldn't compare to what I would unleash.
We sat in the same position for some time, Bella sobbing. The silver lining is that she wasn't breaking down. I could feel her emotions, and they were strong but Bella was stronger. She was keeping her head above water.
Finally Bella's shuddering cries began to lessen until she was only slightly hiccupping and drawing in deep breaths. I could feel that she was gaining more control every time she exhaled.
"You let me know when you're ready, Sweetheart. We can sit here as long as you need to, and when you're ready we'll talk. I will help you through this just like you helped me." Bella shuddered again, but the tears seemed to have stopped for now.
"Thank you, Jasper." Her voice was thick and shaky and it broke my still heart.
"It's nothin, Darlin'. I wish I could take the pain away. Will you let me help you? I know it will be hard, but I think it'll help in the long run."
"I-I don't know if I c-can."
"You are so strong, Baby. Why don't you try? If it gets to be too much, we can stop."
Bella nodded into my shoulder. "Will you help me, Jasper? I-I don't know where my strength went."
"Your strength is right here, Bella, and I'm not going anywhere. Take a few minutes and get your thoughts together. There's no hurry."
Bella smiled up at me, and though it didn't quite touch her eyes, it melted my heart. I kissed the top of her head, giving her the time she needed.
A few minutes went by, and I could feel Bella gathering her resolve. I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I knew she could do it. And as I let her feel the faith I had in her, how proud I was of her, she smiled at me again. This time, I could see a little bit of the twinkle in her eyes.
Bella started to sit up, and as she did she jumped, sucking in a large breath of air. "Jasper! Where are we?" Her eyes widened in awe of her newfound surroundings. I had been waiting for this!
I smiled encouragingly at her, taking her hand in mine and rubbing the back of her fingers. "Do you like it? I thought it might help to be in a calming place." I watched as Bella took in our surroundings.
I had brought her to my favorite place in Montana. We were in a natural bowl towards the base of a mountain. There were trees surrounding us, and late season wildflowers covering the ground. Stretched out before us was a glistening lake. It wasn't large, but it was fed by nearby glaciers, causing the water to shine a brilliant blue that most people only experience in the Caribbean. The clouds that had moved in above us gave the water an almost silver hue.
Bella leaned back towards me, surprising me when she slammed her mouth into mine. I tangled my fingers in her hair, pulling her against me. I could feel the warmth from Bella's lips all the way through my body. The love and gratitude I could feel from her gave me hope and I allowed those feeling to flow over both of us. As much as I could get lost in the kiss I knew that now wasn't the time. I gently broke our connection, leaning back in to kiss both of her eyelids and her forehead.
"I take it you like?" I grinned at her.
"Jasper, it's amazing. How-how did we get here?" And though I could still feel her pain, it seemed that she was pulling strength from the awe inspiring location.
"I found it many years ago and it has remained a special place I come to when I need to be alone with my thoughts. I had a feeling you could use a little boost once you woke up, and I can't think of a more deserving person to share it with." I watched her reaction as I brought up the event of earlier today, and was encouraged when she held onto her resolve. "I ran here from the house a few minutes before you woke up." She was confused.
"How did you know when I was going to…" Understanding covered her face, "Alice?" I smiled and nodded. "That's going to take some getting used to."
I couldn't help chuckle at that. Bella was right. All Knowing Alice does take some getting used to, but as I was about to respond, Bella closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.
"I don't know any other way to do this than to just tell it from the beginning." I nodded encouragingly but could feel Bella becoming a little detached as she started her story. I understood that this was another coping mechanism and would allow her to do this however it was easiest for her.
"So as you know my full name is Isabella Marie Swan. My parents were only married for the first few months of my life when my mom, Renee, left my dad, Charlie, and moved to Phoenix. I-I was born in Forks. Charlie was the Police Chief." Bella shuddered, but continued with her story as I started to put the pieces together in my head.
"My mom eventually got remarried to Phil and I spent most of my time with them in Phoenix, only seeing Charlie for a few weeks each summer and sometimes on holidays." Bella looked up at me, and I nodded letting her know to continue.
After another deep breath, "I actually had a pretty normal childhood. Nothing to complain about really. Not long after I turned 15 my mom and Phil had planned a trip for their anniversary and I was going to stay with Charlie for a few weeks – we usually went down to California but this time we stayed in Forks. I had been really disappointed at first, but I remember it turned out to be the best trip I had with Charlie...at least at first."
I noticed as a few tears slid down Bella's face, but she either didn't notice or she was ignoring them. I squeezed her hand gently to remind her I was right there with her. I could feel her emotions start to become troubled, but Bella seemed to be pushing them down, determined to get through this.
"Toward the end of my trip with Charlie, he got a phone call." At this Bella couldn't suppress a sob, but composed herself quickly. "My mom and Phil had taken a detour on their way back to Phoenix to spend a few nights camping." Bella looked up me, "I really have never understood that. Renee didn't camp, but apparently Phil talked her into it, and, well…there was an accident and they were b-both k-killed. I still haven't forgiven Phil, as ridiculous as I know that sounds." I stayed quiet knowing I had to let Bella continue, because as amazing as it was I could feel her growing stronger the more she talked.
"All the details of the accident were really sketchy, but Charlie was going to have some people look into it. He came back with me to Phoenix to get all the arrangements figured out for the funeral and to take care of the house. I was staying with my godmother, Debbie, in Phoenix for a few weeks while Charlie flew back to Forks to resolve some issues there. It was really selfish of me, but I hadn't decided if I wanted to move to Forks permanently or not. Sometimes I wonder – I wonder if I would have gone with him if things might have been different."
"Bella," I finally interrupted. "Are you okay, Darlin'? Do you need to stop?" She only shook her head and kept going.
"Charlie had been back in Forks for two weeks when I got the call. He had been working late and was found the next morning. I-It looked like there was a break-in, but no one was sure. I flew to Forks where some of my dad's friends had planned a funeral." There wasn't any emotion left in Bella's voice and she seemed to be on auto-pilot as she continued the story.
"I stayed in Forks for a little while, and then went back to my godmother's in Phoenix. When I landed at the airport, her daughter was there to get me and to break the news that Debbie…Debbie had fallen down the stairs at home earlier that day." Bella looked up at me again, and I quickly tried to hide the shock on my face. What were the odds of these events all happening to the same person?
"You guessed it," Bella said with a hard, bitter laugh. "I killed Debbie, too."
"What do you mean Bella? It was an amazingly horrible set of circumstances, but none of this could have been considered your fault." I couldn't imagine ever going through something like that, and Bella had to experience every person she loved dying all around her when she was only 15. I cringed internally at the pain this girl had been though.
"Well, I admit looking back on it that I can see that it wasn't my fault." Bella shook her head slowly. "But at the time, all I could see is that everywhere I turned the people around me were dying. I did the only thing I could think to do…I ran. I never even found out what the investigators found out about my parents' deaths." Bella sucked in a shuddering breath. "I stayed in a shelter for a few nights here and a few nights there, but for the most part I lived on the streets in Phoenix. It was all I could do not to kill myself, but I honestly thought it was only a matter of time before fate claimed me along with the rest of the people I cared about."
I couldn't stop the abrupt intake of air at her words. How thankful am I that neither Bella, nor 'fate' succeeded in taking her from me before I even knew she was alive.
There was emotion coming back into Bella's words, "I don't want to go into all the details of being on the street, but after a few months I ran into a group of men that found me. They were really nice at first, told me they worked at a mission for the homeless and offered to get me food." Bella sighed, and seemed to debate on whether she wanted to continue.
"It's okay, Love." I brushed the hair back from her forehead.
Bella nodded half heartedly, "The men led me towards what I knew to be a shelter, but they took a detour at the last minute. They told me I had to earn the right to have any food. I tried to get away, I really did, but they overpowered me ridiculously easily. I remember one of them hitting me and falling to the ground, but it all goes fuzzy after that."
I couldn't stop the low growl in my chest at hearing Bella's words, even though I knew this had happened. It was the same reaction I had the first time she told me about that alley. Bella rubbed my leg, giving me a watery smile.
"The last thing I remember is what you heard your first night in Montana. The men took turns hitting or kicking me, and then Peter and Charlotte saved the day. The rest is history."
At those words, the emotional wall Bella had been trying to maintain came crashing down. She flung herself into my chest, shaking but not crying. "I really should be thankful that Peter and Charlotte showed up before those creeps got the chance to rape me." Bella's words were muffled in my chest, but I heard her clearly. I was thankful for that small bit of grace as well, but I had to swallow another growl.
I rubbed Bella's back, allowing her the time she needed to hopefully start letting go.
"God Bella, I am so sorry that you had to live through those horrible things. You are the strongest little thing I have ever met, do you know that?" She shook her head against my chest.
"I'm serious. Every time you turned around you were hit in the face with more shit. You may not have visible scars like I do, but the types of scars you received can be so much harder to get past." I gently gripped her chin and pulled her face up towards mine.
"You are amazing, Darlin'. Thank you for sharing that with me." Bella's eyes were bright, but the tears still hadn't made another appearance. "Bella, are you okay?"
Bella sniffled a bit, took a deep breath and then pushed back from me. She sat next to me, bringing her knees up to the side of her body and leaned against me. I draped my arm around her shoulders as she looked out over the water for a few minutes. Finally Bella looked back up at me.
"I think I am, Jasper. For the first time since all that happened I really think I'm going to be okay." Tears had finally made their way back to her eyes and were soon running down her cheeks.
"Thank you, Jazz. Thank you for letting me get that out. I didn't think it would help, but…but, it really did. Thank you."
"Of course, Darlin'. I told you, I'll always be there for you." I kissed her lightly on the tip of her nose, gently wiping tears away with a brush of my thumb.
"I hadn't allowed myself to even think about my parents for so long that when I found out you lived in Forks I guess it was just too much. It felt like the last brick in the wall came tumbling down and I just lost it. I completely panicked." I pulled my arms a little tighter around Bella and just let her experience her emotions.
"I didn't think I'd ever be able to go back to Forks, but with you by my side, Jasper, it doesn't sound so scary anymore." She smiled up at me, and I knew that I would do everything in my power to keep her safe.
"Can I ask you a question, Jasper?" I looked down at her expectantly. "You said you lived an hour away from Seattle. From what I remember, Forks is quite a bit further than that." I laughed at the confused look on Bella's face.
"You haven't driven with my family yet." Bella did the calculation, slowly shaking her head in disapproval, but didn't comment further on how fast we must drive.
We stayed by the lake for a while longer, Bella gaining strength and me processing her words. It really did seem strange that all of those events would happen to her so closely together. It gave me an uneasy feeling that I didn't understand.
As I was thinking things through I felt Bella start to shiver. "We should get back, Love. It's getting late."
"I don't want to leave, Jasper. I really love this place."
"We can come back any time you'd like. It will be 'our' place from now on." I kissed Bella's forehead and then helped her climb onto my back for the run back to the house. Half way back I felt her emotions change and knew she was falling asleep. I carefully pulled her around into the cradle of my arms so she didn't slip off my back.
"Sleep, Darlin'. We'll be home soon." And by the time we were back to the house Bella was sleeping soundly in my arms. I carefully transferred her into bed, tucking the covers under her chin.
I was just about to settle in next to her when my phone vibrated again. Looking at my phone I saw who it was and my curiosity kept me from ignoring the call. I silently slipped from Bella's room, answering the phone on my way.
"Carlisle."
"Hey Jasper, how's Bella doing?" He sounded cautious.
"She's much better. We had a good talk after she regained consciousness and I think things will be looking up for her." I said this remembering how much lighter Bella had felt emotionally. It's amazing what opening up to someone can do for a person…I should know.
"That's good to hear, son. Listen, I did some digging on Bella's name and found…"
"Charlie Swan, right? Forks Police Chief?" Carlisle was surprised that I knew this. "Bella told me about her past, Carlisle. It's horrible what happened to Charlie."
"It wasn't just her dad though, right Jasper?" And now I was surprised. How much digging had he done?
"Why do I have the feeling I'm not going to like what you've found out, Carlisle?"
"It isn't good," Carlisle took a steadying breath before continuing. "I spoke with a few of my contacts both in Washington and in Phoenix, Jasper. The things that happened to Bella's family, well, they weren't accidents." I found that I was gripping the phone tightly and forced myself to loosen my hold so I didn't crush it.
"The Coroner's reports showed what appeared to be a bear attack with Bella's mom and step dad, and a knife attack with Charlie. I had the reports pulled, and it is obvious from the pictures and other details that…"
I sucked in a breath, preparing myself to hear the rest of what Carlisle was trying to tell me. I knew that I had had a bad feeling when listening to Bella's story.
"It's obvious to me that it was a vampire attack, Jasper." I growled at his words, fear prickling down my spine.
"I could be wrong, but I don't think I am." Carlisle let out the breath he was holding slowly, "Jasper, whether they realize it or not, I don't think that Peter and Charlotte were Bella's first experience with vampires."
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No worries, everything will become clear as the story progresses!
Thanks again for all the reviews! I appreciate them so much!
I can't believe how many people have read this story! Also, thanks for the input on my chapter length. I hadn't thought they were too long, but was worried after that PM. Thanks for all the reassurance!
The Cullen's should be coming into the story in Chapter 12.
-Jules