Chapter 10

"I've been taking pills- painkillers- for my leg ever since the accident," Shay told Hermann in between sobs. "I was taking them the way the doctor told me to and then I started taking a few more... I just wanted the pain to go away... I think I have a problem."

"Okay," he said. "It's going to be okay. I'm going to go find Cindy- she just took the kids on a walk. We only have two of them today. Do you know how easy two kids are? Anyway, I'm going to tell her that I'm taking you home."

"No. I can't go home. I said awful things to Mills, Casey, Dawson, and Severide. Especially Severide. They probably hate me."

"Listen, Shay, we all say things we don't mean. We all get into fights and we all go through stuff, but we're a family."

"Christopher, I think the kids are hungry," Herrmann's wife said. "Oh hi Leslie. Do you want to join us?"

She shook her head. "No, thank you."

"Actually, why don't you take the kids out to eat? I'm going to take Shay back to our place for a little while."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Shay said as she forced a smile. "I don't want to interrupt your plans."

"As far as I'm concerned we owe you one. You helped Cindy when she was pregnant."

"Are you sure?"

"It's fine," Cindy assured her.

When Herrmann and Shay got to his place, he went to the kitchen to get her some food. She looked like she hadn't eaten in weeks. He also called Severide to let him know that Shay was safe.

"Here," he said, handing her the sandwich.

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat. You look like you're wasting away." He waited until she took a few bites before saying, "I called Severide."

"Does he hate me?"

"No. He's worried sick about you. He said that you just ran off and no one knew where you went."

"I thought he would hate me."

He sat down next to her. "Like I said before, we're a family. You and Severide have fought before, right?"

She nodded.

"And you've always gotten past it. He loves you."

"I love him. I just got scared. And I was ashamed. I'm a paramedic who has a problem with painkillers."

"You messed up. But you'll get through this. We're going to help you."

They talked for a little longer, and then he let her sleep. She needed the rest. Not long after, Severide came to get her.

"How is she?" Kelly asked.

"She needs her friends right now especially you. But I think she's going to be okay. She knows she has a problem, and she wants help."

"Thank you for talking to her, and thanks for calling me."

Severide shook Shay gently trying to ease her awake. "It's time to go home, Shay."

"Kelly?" She asked, trying to wake up.

"Yeah. It's me."

"I'm sorry," she said, sitting up. "I'm sorry for all the things I said. I'm sorry that I pushed you away."

"It's okay," he said, squeezing her hand. "We can talk more about this at home, but I'm not mad. There isn't anything you could say to make me stop loving you."

When they got home, he took her up to her room and they sat down on her bed. "Why didn't you think you could talk to me about this?"

"I'm sorry. I just wanted the pain to go away. I wanted everything to go back to normal."

"And you thought pills were the answer?"

"It was stupid. Like I told Herrmann, it started out as just one or two extra, but then I couldn't stop."

"You could have told me. I would have helped you."

"I felt like such a hypocrite. I moved out when you were using painkillers. And I was doing the exact same thing you did."

"See, there's a reason by we're best friends. We're so much alike- we even have the same problems," he joked.

She smiled. "Thanks for wanting to help me. I really am sorry."

"Stop apologizing. I was never mad at you. Will you just promise me that you won't keep anything else from me?"

"I won't. Thanks for being my best friend."

She leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around her. "I love you, and I don't know what I would do without you," he said.

"I love you, too."

He kissed her forehead. "Get some sleep. We're going to get you off these pills and get you back to work."

He turned off the lights in her room and watched as she went to sleep. He quietly closed the door and sat down in front of her door. The tears he had been holding back slowly streamed down his face. He couldn't believe this was happening.

After a few minutes he quietly opened her bedroom door, and she was peacefully sleeping. She was going to go through withdrawals soon, but at least she was getting rest now. He went downstairs and tried to find something to watch on tv, but he couldn't focus. He finally gave up and went to bed. A few hours later, he heard Shay in the bathroom.

It was what he thought: she was in withdrawal. After she finished getting sick, she looked up at him. "Kelly, you don't have to be here. I'm fine."

He grabbed a washcloth, and he leaned down and put it on her face. She was clammy and she was shaking. "You don't have to be strong, Shay. Lean on me."

"I'm so cold."

"I'll get you a blanket." When he came back with a blanket and a glass of Sprite, she had just finished getting sick again.

"Here," he said, handing her the glass. "It'll help."

After a few minutes, she said she felt better and thought she could go back to sleep. He helped her up and wrapped the blanket around her because she was still shivering. He helped her climb into bed, and he was about to leave when she grabbed his arm.

"Kelly, will you stay with me? I need you."

It was the first time since all of this started that she admitted she needed help. It was progress. Finally. "Yeah. Of course I'll stay."

He climbed into the other side of the bed and wrapped his arms around her. "You're going to be okay," he assured her as they both drifted off to sleep.