Her phone rings at the worst possible moment, when Haruka is pressed against Makoto from behind, her hand down the other girl's pants, with Makoto's muffled moans filling the quiet of Haruka's bedroom.
Makoto is self-conscious in this way, and she's always careful to stifle any sounds she might make when Haruka touches her. Haruka doesn't really mind, as she knows it's something Makoto will grow out of with time.
And despite Makoto's attempts, she can't stop all of her involuntary reactions when Haruka plays with her body like this. She's wired tight with mounting pleasure, and her hips cant in minute little motions with every shift and press of Haruka's fingers.
Even without verbal confirmation, Haruka knows that Makoto enjoys every second of her administrations, for her talents don't revolve solely around the pool.
For a moment, Haruka is content to ignore her phone and continue pleasuring her girlfriend. They hardly ever get to do this when they're at Makoto's house, as Ren and Ran could burst in at any given moment.
Makoto is pliant and warm and enticingly slick and yet…
It's her mother's ringtone.
Makoto's little noises take on a frustrated edge as Haruka withdraws her hand, fingers trailing through thick curls in her ascent up Makoto's fluttering navel. "I have to answer it." Haruka murmurs, pressing a kiss to Makoto's mused hair. "It won't take long."
"Better be important." Makoto says as Haruka crawls over her and slides off the bed. Her eyes aren't entirely focused, and she hooks an arm around the pillow she's lying against as she struggles to track Haruka's movement.
She isn't wearing a shirt, it having been long discarded, and Haruka can see Makoto's heart pounding against the skin of her chest even as Harula roots through her purse for her phone, being careful to keep the hand that was previously occupied with fingering Makoto completely to herself.
Haruka must be crazy, leaving her girlfriend like that just to talk to her mother.
"Hey, Mom." She says upon answering the call, leaning against the wall near the door and keeping her gaze firmly on Makoto. She's not sure if the other girl notices, as far-gone as she seems, but after a moment, Makoto starts sliding her thighs together, and rosy, bitten lips part with a helpless whimper before she buries her face in the pillow. "What's up?"
"Hi, sweetheart." Wherever her mother is, it's definitely loud. Haruka has to strain to hear her. "What are you up to?"
"Not much." Haruka says, allowing her voice to take on that dead, toneless quality her parents have probably come to expect. The tingling throb from before that was threatening to overtake her is starting to subside somewhat, and that simply won't do. "I was just sitting down to eat dinner."
"You're disgusting." Makoto groans from the bed.
"Oh, well, I won't keep you then. I was just letting you know that Dad and I will be back in town next Friday to get you."
Haruka's quirked smile instantly vanishes. "Oh."
"How have you been? Do you feel any better than you did the last time we talked?" Her mother sounds worried, and Haruka is somewhat angered by it. She's been sick for years and it's taken her parents this long to finally ask the right questions.
"I'm… I'm fine." Haruka says after some hesitation, and Makoto's minute grinding motions cease. "I feel a lot better."
She lifts her head from the pillow, blinking blearily over at Haruka. Her expression is no longer clouded with barely restrained lust but open concern.
"Haru." Makoto says quietly, and Haruka's throat tightens.
"That's good to hear, baby." The noises from the other line rise in a roaring crescendo of sound before her mother speaks again. "Make sure to pack what you want to bring with you when we leave. We're going to put the house on the market, and whatever's left inside goes to the buyer."
"Okay." Haruka replies, staring hard at Makoto's exposed collarbone.
Her grandmother had left the house to Haruka in her will, but the blue-eyed swimmer doesn't have any energy left to fight with her parents about selling the home she grew up in.
Part of Haruka wants to preserve the memories. The other part simply wants to burn the house to the ground with everything in it.
"Well, that's all I had. Your father's in a meeting right now, otherwise I'd put him on the phone."
"It's okay. I know how busy you guys are." Haruka says.
Makoto's frown deepens.
"Alright, Haruka, I'll talk to you later. I love you."
"Love you, too." Haruka says shortly before she hangs up, tossing her phone back into her purse flippantly.
Makoto watches her approach the bed once more through slightly hooded eyes. "What did she say?"
"Nothing." Haruka replies, swinging her leg back over Makoto's body so she can straddle her hips. Makoto moves with her so she's lying on her back, but she doesn't look reassured. "It doesn't matter."
Makoto knows better than to argue, though that doesn't stop her from switching tactics. "Please don't lie to your parents when they ask if you're okay. You have to let them help you."
Haruka shrugs. "I've only had myself to rely on for so long. It's easier."
"Don't say that." Makoto says softly, reaching up to take Haruka's face in her hands. "You have me now, remember?"
"Like I could forget." Haruka replies, reaching up to grasp one of Makoto's wrists. She turns her head slightly to plant a kiss to the center of her palm, and she begins to rock her hips slowly, deliberately, trailing the fingers of her free hand, still slick with the evidence of her girlfriend's previous arousal, down Makoto's arm. "Can we not talk about this? I just want to make you feel good, Makoto."
"It isn't just about me." Makoto says again, but her eyes lose most of their intensity as Haruka continues to rock against her bare stomach. "Be selfish for a change, Haru."
"I'm the most selfish person I know." Haruka shifts, guiding Makoto's arm above her head on the pillow as she bends over to kiss her girlfriend solidly on the mouth. Makoto sighs into it and wraps her free arm around Haruka's shoulders, fingers twining into the short hairs that rest at the nape of Haruka's neck.
"You can't hide from me." Makoto breathes when they part. Haruka hooks a finger into the waistband of her sweatpants, and Makoto lifts her hips off the bed so Haruka can have an easier time of removing them. "You try, but you can't."
Haruka slides down Makoto's body, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses down her chest and stomach, pausing in her descent only to graze her teeth over the patch of skin at Makoto's hipbone that always sends her moaning to the ceiling.
That's the scary thing about her relationship with Makoto, made even more frightening by the fact that Makoto herself recognizes it.
Haruka has survived so far by hiding, from her parents, her classmates, and herself. If no one could see how broken she was, Haruka had a better chance of ignoring her own shortcomings until the last possible moment.
Then Makoto came along and changed everything. She shined a bright light into every darkened crevice where Haruka's monsters chose to hide, forcing Haruka to realize every single one of them for herself. Makoto can see her sickness, but she still loves her despite it, and she wants to help her.
Thank you. Haruka thinks as Makoto falls to pieces under her fingertips. Thank you for not giving up on me.
A bright light shines into her room, forcing its way into Haruka's subconscious and dragging her up and out.
"Get up, loser, we're going on an adventure."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Haruka mumbles to herself, one eye peeking open as she reaches up to push away the flashlight Rin is shining in her face. "How did you get in here?"
"You really should start locking your doors." Rin says conversationally. She's wearing a hoodie and a pair of running shorts, looking for all intents and purposes that it isn't an ungodly hour. "Hey, no going back to sleep! We came all this way to include you."
"We?"
"Yeah, Nagisa, Rei, and Makoto are downstairs."
Haruka is slightly more awake at the mention of her girlfriend, but not enough to get her out of bed. She slides her bare legs together under the blankets, gripping at her pillow as she glares up at Rin hatefully. "There's no way you got Makoto to leave her house at night. When we have school tomorrow. Without her parents' permission."
"Took a lot of persuasion, but once I said we were gonna kidnap you, she was all too willing. C'mon, don't let your girlfriend down."
"She should've known I wouldn't want to come." Haruka huffs, flipping over so she's facing the wall and her back is to Rin. "Go away."
The redhead heaves a giant sigh, and the floorboards creak as she shifts her weight. "Okay, Haru. Have it your way."
Rin's footsteps are loud and heavy as she leaves the room, closing the door behind her, and Haruka relaxes, closing her eyes and settling in for, hopefully, another few hours of undisturbed sleep.
But things almost never go her way.
Her door opens again not too long after Rin leaves. "What's the deal, Haru-chan? Rin-Rin said you don't want to come with us!"
Haruka sighs, opening her eyes to glare at the wall.
If there's one thing to be said about Matsuoka Rin, it's that she doesn't play fair.
"Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise." Nagisa says for the umpteenth time. She and Rin seem to be the only ones who know where their destination is, and they share a knowing look as they trek through the dark, deserted streets.
Haruka scowls, though she doesn't say anything else as Makoto's fingers tighten around her own, urging her to just go with the flow. Rei yawns on her other side, probably the most dead of the group. She often says she needs at least eight hours of sleep to function properly, and Haruka imagines that it was only her inclination toward Nagisa that made her decide to come.
"You always could've said no, Haru." Rin calls over her shoulder.
"She says that like I actually had a chance against Nagisa." Haruka grumbles to Rei and Makoto.
"I'm sure something good will come out of this." Makoto says, always the optimist. Haruka would rather they were all at home, Makoto especially so she can catch up on all the sleep she lost thanks to her nightmares, but if they're forced to be awake, at least they'll be sleep-deprived together. "Rin and Nagisa seem to be pretty excited."
"How can you tell?" Rei asks drily. She's nearly as thrilled as Haruka to be out of bed at this hour. "They just seem smug to me."
Makoto laughs. "Well, I've known them longer, I guess. It's in the way they walk."
Rei says something in reply, though Haruka isn't really listening as the two of them start to converse back and forth. She's starting to pay more attention to their surroundings, and the further they trek, the more she starts to remember.
She and her grandmother walked this path dozens of times, hand in hand, just as Haruka is walking with Makoto now. The realization makes Haruka's buzzing eyes widen, because she hardly remembers anything from back then.
"We're going to the swim club, aren't we?" Haruka asks, loud enough for Rin and Nagisa to hear.
"Oh, boo, Haru-chan ruined the surprise!"
"You aren't serious." Makoto says, clearly exasperated. "You dragged all of us out of bed at eleven at night just to take us to the club?"
Rin and Nagisa stop walking, and while Rin keeps her back to them, Nagisa turns just enough so that they can see her face.
She looks so sad, suddenly, and Haruka exchanges a glance with Rei while simultaneously tightening her hold on Makoto's hand.
"I heard from one of my coaches at the Academy that they're gonna tear the club building down soon." Rin says. Haruka can't place her tone. "I thought we should… I don't know, pay our respects or something."
"That makes sense, but why did I have to come?" Rei asks after a few moments of silence. Makoto and Nagisa seem genuinely upset, though Haruka stays quiet mostly out of respect. "I didn't swim here with you guys."
"Eh, who cares?" Rin says flippantly, beginning to walk again and leaving the others to trail after her. "You swim with us now, and that's what matters. Let's move it before we're spotted, ladies."
From the outside, the Iwatobi Swim Club doesn't look all that spectacular. Haruka stares up at the building, trying to conceal her disappointment. Since she reconnected with Makoto, Nagisa, and Rin, the club has been a sort of enigma, a hazy staple of their friendships with each other.
The other three speak of it so fondly, and while familiar, it just seems to be a regular building to Haruka.
"What if it's haunted?" Nagisa says suddenly, when the five of them have been standing in the courtyard longer than is really necessary. "I mean, it's been abandoned for a few years, right?"
"Well, shit, Nagisa." Rin side-eyes Makoto when she says it, and Haruka shoots Nagisa an annoyed glance. "You could've kept that one to yourself."
"Ghosts aren't real." Rei says, tucking her arms close to her chest and rubbing at the bare skin on her arms, as if she were cold. Haruka might have believed that if it weren't summer. "And I think we would know if someone had died here in the past."
"But," Nagisa says lowly, standing on her tiptoes to drape an arm around Rei's shoulders, gesturing at the air with her other hand in an elaborative manner, "what if someone did die and that's the reason the club shut down. What if there was a conspiracy to keep the truth hidden from us?"
"Maybe we shouldn't do this." Makoto says. She usually is the voice of reason during their exploits, but there is a hint of reluctance in her voice as she stares at the abandoned building through the dark. She really does have an overactive imagination, and Nagisa's earlier comment hadn't helped any. "We could get in trouble."
"Live a little, Makoto." Rin says. "No one's gonna care that we're here. And if there are wayward spirits wandering the halls, you've got your girlfriend to protect you."
Haruka rolls her eyes, though Makoto does clutch to her a little bit tighter.
"Yeah, Haru-chan will protect you, Mako-chan! But don't worry, I brought a bag of sugar from home to ward off any ghosts."
"You're thinking of salt, Nagisa."
The building smells of dust, and it's cold despite the warmth of the night. The five of them trek through the dingy halls carefully, and Makoto makes sure to keep behind Haruka, holding on to the fabric of her dark-blue cardigan despite the impossibility of them getting separated.
It comes as no surprise to Haruka that the building is infested with mice, and Rin cries out and swears every time one crosses her path. Nagisa never hesitates to laugh at the intensity of the redhead's reactions, and Rin threatens to ditch them more than once, though Haruka sees through her bluff.
Her idea though this may have been, Rin is just as creeped out by the abandoned building as the rest of them.
"Does any of this ring any bells for you, Haru-chan?" Nagisa asks after nearly fifteen minutes of exploration.
"Not really." Haruka places a hand on the wall, fingering a large spot where the paint has worn and chipped off due to negligence.
She's actually impressed by her ability to bury the things she doesn't want to face. Aside from the general route, nothing else about the club is striking a chord within her.
Haruka had felt a sense of déjà vu when they walked into the lobby, when Makoto gestured to a desk and told her that Coach Sasabe – the man who apparently helped them all to refine their abilities as children – used to sell little trinkets before and after practices.
"We both wanted the same dolphin toy." Makoto had said. For a moment, she hadn't been nervous about their surroundings but instead calm as she looked back on what was apparently a fond memory. "I took a different one in the end, but you were so stubborn about it. Do you still have it?"
Haruka had only shrugged, somewhat discouraged by her lack of memory, and made a mental note to look for the little dolphin toy when she went home.
"I bet you'll change your tune once you see the pool." Rin says, and her voice echoes throughout the hall. "I refuse to believe you forgot everything."
"Did you have a bad time here, Haruka?" Rei asks. She hasn't said much, instead choosing to spectate quietly and nod along whenever Nagisa says something that absolutely demands some form of response. Haruka wants to ask if Rei's confessed yet, but not when Nagisa is around. "Usually memories are repressed due to a traumatic event."
"I think I had good times here." Haruka replies, though she leaves it at that.
It would be too hard to explain that she'd only wanted to forget anything good that involved her late grandmother. It was easier to believe that she'd always been sad than to face the reality that she'd had happiness and lost it. That would only make the ache unbearable.
Rin directs them back to the main floor, and they walk down multiple flights of stairs that lead them to a door that looks like it hasn't been opened in a long time. Nagisa is the one who reaches for the handle, and they all cringe at the permeating sound of rusted door hinges shrieking in protest at Nagisa's enthusiasm.
"Hey!" Nagisa exclaims, and she glances back at Makoto, still safely concealed behind Haruka, with excitement in her eyes. "It's the trophy room."
It's easily the best-kept room Haruka has seen so far, so someone must care enough to maintain it despite the general disrepair of the building. It isn't a big room, with three walls covered in pictures and lined with trophy cases and a fourth comprised of windows that look out over the pool, which, much to Haruka's chagrin, is drained of water.
Makoto finally decides to release her hold on Haruka's cardigan, most likely feeling safer now that they're in a closed space. Still, Haruka extends her hand to her, which Makoto immediately takes with a slight smile on her face.
"Oh, wow, it's my old man." Rin is standing in front of the wall of pictures with Rei at her side. Nagisa is rummaging through a cardboard box on the other side of the room, though she glances over her shoulder when Rin speaks. "I forgot this picture was here."
"He swam in a relay here, too, didn't he?" Nagisa asks, though she's back to examining the box's contents. "Wasn't that the reason you joined the club in the first place?"
"You got it."
"You look a lot like him." Rei says kindly, and Haruka leads Makoto over to them, wants to get a better look at the photograph.
All the boys in the picture have hair ranging from darker blacks to lighter browns, but only one has the same all-consuming, shit-eating grin that Haruka has come to associate with Rin. Once she realizes that, the resemblance is almost uncanny.
Rin makes a sound between a laugh and a snort as she bumps her hip against Rei's. "Thanks, Rei. Everyone says Gou and I look more like our mom."
"It's the hair." Nagisa chimes in.
"Look, here's our picture." Makoto says, reaching out with the hand that isn't grasping Haruka's to point at a frame a row below the one Rin's father's is in.
Rin and Rei scoot over to crowd at Haruka's left side, but the blue-eyed swimmer is too busy staring at the photograph to be bothered that her space is being invaded.
She knows that Makoto, Nagisa, and Rin are there, smiling in triumph after a relay well-won, but all Haruka can see is herself, smiling, laughing, Makoto under one arm and Rin under the other. It's clear that they are best friends, that they love each other and the sport, and Haruka can only marvel at how happy she looks…
… and despair at the fact that she can't remember that moment.
"You guys look so little." Rei says, and there's something akin to awe in her voice. "Makoto! Haruka was taller than you?"
"At one point, yeah." Makoto laughs. "I used to hide behind her when I got scared. Well… I guess I still do, actually."
"I was about to say." Rin sniggers.
"Here's the trophy we won!" They all turn at the sound of Nagisa's voice. She stands up from her crouched position beside the box, holding a moderately sized trophy in her hands with a pleased smile on her face. "It still looks brand new."
"That day was literally the best." Rin says. "And I've been to the Sydney Opera House."
"Sometimes I still can't believe we won." Makoto adds. "I think it had a lot to do with you and Haru, though."
"Oh, whatever, your backstroke has always been unrivaled. And I've never seen anyone use their arms completely when swimming breast like Nagisa does."
They go back and forth like that, complimenting one another in taunting voices, and Nagisa and Rei laugh like it's the funniest thing they've ever seen, but Haruka stays silent.
She's felt this before, the awkward hesitance of being an outsider, but it seems much more potent now that she's in the club building, has seen the picture of the four of them after the relay and the trophy they received for being the best.
Haruka hadn't recognized her younger self in the picture.
She knows that Makoto, Nagisa, and Rin accept her for the way she is now, but she can't help but be sorry that she isn't the girl they swam the relay with all those years ago.
"Why do you look so sad, Haru-chan?" Nagisa asks, and Haruka jolts slightly as she's pulled from her thoughts.
"I want to swim." Haruka replies immediately. The other three might believe it, but she's almost positive that Makoto sees through her.
"Too bad the pool is drained." Rin says sourly. "What I wouldn't give to race you where it all started, Haru."
"Hey, I have an idea!" Nagisa says, shoving the trophy into Makoto's chest. The green-eyed girl lets go of Haruka's hand to take it, and Haruka wipes the sweat that Makoto's warmth created onto her jeans. "C'mon."
She heads for the door that leads to the pool, and the others follow after her. The pool area is more open than any room they've seen so far, and in theory, it should smell better. But the air is musty and stale, smells of ancient chlorine, and Haruka wrinkles her nose as Rei lets out a loud sneeze.
"Well, this just isn't right." Rin exclaims, voice muffled by the hem of her hoodie, which she has pulled up over her nose and mouth. "Nagisa, you have awful ideas."
"It's not that bad!" Nagisa exclaims, spinning around to face them all. "Okay, get in a circle and sit down. We're gonna play a game."
"What game?" Makoto asks, though she does as she's told, setting the trophy down on the rusted tile beside her and crisscrossing her legs. Haruka, Rin, and Rei all follow suit, and Nagisa and Rin place their flashlights in the middle of their little circle.
Nagisa waits until they're all situated before revealing her grand scheme, which she cheerfully announces to be Never Have I Ever.
"Can you be any more unoriginal?" Rin sighs, and Nagisa leans over to poke her arm a few times, most likely striving to annoy. "God, I haven't played that game since I was in Australia."
"You guys know how to play right?" Nagisa asks, addressing Haruka, Makoto, and Rei. The three of them nod, and that settles the deal. "Okay! First one to put down all ten fingers loses. Rin-Rin, you go first."
"Never have I ever gone down on another girl before." Rin says immediately, grinning wickedly at Rei's exasperated shout of, "Way to start off gentle!"
"I thought the point of the game was to keep yourself in it." Haruka says drily as Rin lowers one of her fingers.
"Eh, I'm gonna lose anyway." Rin says with a shrug. "I've done a lot of shit. Indulge my curiosity while I'm still in the game."
Haruka resists the urge to roll her eyes and curls her thumb into her palm. After a few beats, she sees Makoto's pointer finger lower from the corner of her eye.
"I knew it!" Rin cackles. "Aw, Mako-chan, you've grown up."
"Stop." Makoto groans, though there's a tight-lipped smirk on her face when Haruka spares a glance. A few weeks ago, Makoto would've been blushing to her ears and trying to lie her way through this. Haruka thinks that maybe she hasn't been a good influence on her girlfriend. "You're so nosy."
"That's so weird to think about." Nagisa says, mostly to herself, shifting her gaze between Haruka and Makoto. "Was it good?"
"Nagisa!" Rei exclaims, shooting Haruka a glance.
Haruka wants to shout for Rei to confess, but of course, she doesn't. "Try it out one day and see." She says instead.
Nagisa giggles, and Rei looks just about ready to pass out on the spot.
"Okay, your turn, Makoto." Rin says.
"Okay, um… never have I ever gotten a serious reprimand at school."
Haruka thinks things over while Rin and Nagisa lower a finger each, but she is able to keep her remaining nine fingers up this round. She might have been the poster child for problem students for a few years, but no teacher or administrator ever said anything to her about it.
"Never have I ever worn makeup." Haruka says, and she feels more than a little triumphant when everyone aside from her lowers a finger.
"I still don't believe that." Rei says.
"No ever taught me how to wear it properly." Haruka explains before she can think better of it. "Besides, it's way too much effort."
"Maybe we should all not wear makeup for a day." Nagisa chimes. "I wouldn't mind getting to sleep in a little more."
"We have to take it off before practice anyway." Rei adds.
"Alright, we get it, Haru wins at life." Rin cuts in, and Haruka smirks. "Your turn, Nagisa."
Nagisa purses her lips and furrows her brow as she thinks. She's obviously taking this very seriously. Then, all at once, her back straightens, and somewhat wild edge takes hold of her expression. "Okay, I've got it. Never have I ever had a crush on Rei-chan!"
She lowers one of her own fingers immediately, and for a while, no one says anything. Haruka can't help but glance at Rei, whose violet eyes have gone wide as she stares at Nagisa's hand. Nagisa seems pretty proud of herself, though it's obvious she wants Rei to say something.
Haruka and Makoto share a glance.
"I'm not even surprised." Rin says. "We're all about as straight as this circle."
It takes another moment, but then Rei's shoulders start to shake and she snorts and everyone simultaneously bursts into fits of hysterical laughter.
Even Haruka can't help herself, though she turns to bury her face in Makoto's shoulder as she struggles to contain herself. Her stomach and face hurt, and she can't even remember the last time she laughed this hard.
But the moment doesn't last. The sound of a door opening breaks through their laughter, and Makoto screams, latching onto Haruka in a vice-grip, who is so startled she doesn't really know how to react.
"Whoa, whoa!" A voice says, one that Haruka doesn't recognize, but she can't turn around to see who it is with Makoto clutching at her as she is. "Easy, girls, I didn't mean to scare you!"
"Coach Sasabe?" Rin is on her feet, flashlight gripped tightly in one hand as if she'd prepared to use it to protect them all. "What the hell are you doing here? It's nearly midnight!"
"I could ask you the same question." Haruka manages to crane her neck around to get a look at the intruder. Something about him seems familiar, from the way his blond hair is styled to the slightly exasperated expression on his face. "I was heading home and saw that the front door to the building was open. You do realize this is trespassing, Rin?"
"Kinda slipped my mind."
Haruka glances up into Makoto's face, which had paled considerably when Coach Sasabe walked in. She's regained some color, and she smiles sheepishly as she lets go of Haruka.
"Well, I'll be damned." Coach Sasabe says suddenly. "Is that you, Haruka?"
"Um… yes?" Haruka replies, turning to look at him once more, and Rin snorts.
"Man, I haven't seen you were barely up to my waist. You still swimming?"
The man seems genuinely interested, and Haruka feels badly that she doesn't quite remember him. Another memory the others share that she and Rei don't.
But it somewhat hits her then that what they're doing right now is making their own memories, new ones that Haruka and Rei can take part in. Haruka can accept the haze that is her past if she has more moments like these to look forward to.
"Yeah, I am."
"Well, good for you! Your freestyle was the best I'd ever seen for a rookie. Would've been a damn shame to let all that talent go to waste. Now I feel the need to tell you girls that you should leave before you're all caught."
Haruka smiles and nods before turning back to her friends, who seem to have recovered from the scare of Coach Sasabe's entrance. Nagisa stands up before offering a hand to Rei to help her to her feet, which the girl accepts, and Haruka has a feeling things will work out for them.
"Still upset you had to come, Haru?" Rin asks.
Haruka shakes her head and stands, picking up the trophy they all won together as children. "Not really. But wake me up again and you're dead."
Rainy days were bad ones.
Multiple factors came together to create her overall mood, the sound, the smell. It all reminded Haruka of her grandmother, and for a long time, that was the last thing she wanted.
They used to sit under the awning over the porch, she and her grandmother. They would stick out their hands and let the drops land on their skin. Her grandmother never smiled more than she did when the sun was gone, hidden behind countless layers of the darkest clouds Haruka had ever seen.
Her own love for water came from her grandmother. The woman carried the scent of rain with her everywhere, like a perfume, and Haruka's worst day came when she realized the house no longer smelled like her.
Rainy days made the ache unbearable. Haruka would close every window in an effort to keep out the scent, and she would listen to music at the highest level to drown out the downpour.
In doing so, Haruka never dealt with the problem. She buried it as far down as it would go and refused to acknowledge it until she almost lost Makoto and her friends because of it.
But perhaps it was the best possible thing. Her friends have made her realize that memories aren't a bad thing, that they can actually soothe the ache, if only Haruka lets them.
And so on the next rainy day, when Makoto is sitting on Haruka's bed with Tinker in her lap, Haruka unlatches her window for the first time in years and pushes open the pane.
She wants her memories.
Rain is good again.
It's eating her up inside, the anxiety and guilt, the idea of not knowing how Makoto will react when Haruka tells her that she'll be gone by the end of next week.
She's tried to tell her multiple times since Coach Sasabe found them all in the club building two days ago. She wants to give her girlfriend time to come to terms with it, or else she might never forgive Haruka for up and leaving so suddenly. But whenever Haruka tries, her throat tightens and the words won't come.
Haruka's always been a coward, but for Makoto, she needs to be brave.
She waits until she simply cannot stay silent, lest she allow her emotions to overcome her and cause Makoto to worry.
They're in Haruka's bed, not really doing much of anything. Makoto's on her back, eyes closed as she dozes lightly. Haruka's curled up beside her, one arm tucked close to her chest while the other is draped over Makoto's stomach.
Haruka finds herself staring at nothing, thinking about just as much, and her eyes are unfocused, a blur of the skin of Makoto's neck and jaw and the wall. She can feel Makoto's pulse from where she's tucked into the curve of her jaw, and Haruka blinks sluggishly, her own heart pounding under the knowledge of what she's about to do.
No more waiting.
"I need to tell you something."
Makoto makes a small noise of acknowledgement, a slight hum that thrums against Haruka's cheek. The blue-eyed swimmer waits a few moments, summoning her courage, before she says, "I'm leaving."
Makoto keeps breathing, still drowsy from the warmth and quiet of the afternoon. "Where are you going?"
"Away." Haruka mumbles, pressing closer to the warmth of her girlfriend's body. "With my parents."
Nothing about the way Makoto feels changes, but Haruka is too scared to lift her head and see the expression on her face.
"When?"
"After prelims. I'll probably leave the next day." Makoto starts to shift, but Haruka panics and tightens her one-armed grip, refusing to let her move. "I can't stay here." Haruka continues in a rush, fighting past the steadily growing burn behind her eyes. "I'm getting better, but there's so much that I'm not ready to deal with. I just… I don't want to be alone. And I know I have you and the others, but it's not the same, Makoto, it's not."
"Haru." Makoto says, but she trails off, reaching up to lay her hand over the arm Haruka has wrapped around her.
The silence is consuming, and Haruka is unnerved by it. The memory of the state she was in when she initially wanted to leave is enough to keep Haruka from changing her mind. She never wants to get that bad again, and she truly feels that going with her parents will be the best thing.
Truthfully, Haruka misses her mother and father fiercely. Even if they did leave her alone, they're still her parents, and they still take care of her despite being so far away. They pay the bills and call whenever they can.
Her parents tried. They just didn't know that their daughter responds better to physical presence than she does far-off intentions.
"We'll make it work."
Haruka hesitates, certain that she's hearing things. "What?"
Makoto laughs a little. "Did you think I was going to freak out? It's okay if you go with them, Haru, you don't need my permission."
Haruka shifts so she's propped up on an elbow and stares down at Makoto incredulously. Her green eyes are slightly wet, but the small grin on her face is impossibly reassuring.
"I don't want to leave you." Haruka murmurs.
"You won't." Makoto says with conviction. She understands what Haruka is really saying. "Leaving Iwatobi doesn't mean leaving me. We still have our phones, you know.
"You helped me overcome my fear." Makoto continues softly, running her thumb over the fine hairs on Haruka's arm. "So, I'll help you overcome yours, no matter what it takes."
Haruka is floored. It can't be that easy. Makoto is good, but she can't possibly be this accepting.
But this is what Makoto is good at, exceeding Haruka's previous expectations, so the blue-eyed girl really shouldn't be surprised.
"I love you." She finds herself saying, and she doesn't flinch away when the weight of the words become known to her.
Makoto only smiles wider, eyes crinkling at the corners, and Haruka doesn't know why she expected anything less. "I love you, too, Haru. Always have."