AN: Thank you all so much for your faves, alerts, and reviews! It keeps me motivated to continue on with the story. I haven't had time to respond to all the reviews yet, I've been very busy. Forgive me please. I will get to you all as soon as things calm down. This week looks promising. :o) Thank you to my wonderful, wonderful betas – TheUnderStudy and TeamSwitzerland28 for all their amazing work! That's all I got for now! Have a wonderful week everyone!
Long way from home,
lost by an echo,
I'd never have known
I've got pictures to prove I was there,
but you don't care.
Out Of Reach – The Get Up Kids
Bella
I pulled up in the parking lot of Forks Coffee Shop right next to a shiny silver Volvo. I wasn't thrilled to be here. I wished I could avoid this conversation all together, but I know it needed to be done. I walked inside of the cafe and passed the partition that separated the front from the open and brightly lit interior where I saw Edward sitting at a corner table looking desolate.
I took a deep breath and walked to the table and sat down quickly. He looked up startled, obviously lost in thought, not noticing I had come in. His eyes lit up, but the shocking condition of his face threw me off. He had two crescent shaped bruises under his eyes and his nose was red swollen and had a skin colored bandage that seemed to be holding it into place. My mouth dropped open.
"What happened Edward?" I gasped.
He had a fierce look in his eyes and looked as though he was contemplating something.
"I was at the distribution center and a box fell." he said bitterly.
I covered my mouth with my hands and my eyes were wide with surprise. "Wow, that... looks... awful." I confessed.
He smiled a little at that and said "You see why I had reluctance about coming here?"
I smiled back. "I've been bruised for a couple of days myself. It's not so bad." I joked. I felt sorry for him. I've never seen him look all banged up before. It still didn't change the fact that he has been a complete jerk. In truth, he got what he deserved for working yesterday. I felt the fury start to replace the compassion I had. He took his hands and placed them on the table.
"Bella, there are no words for the amount of guilt I have about yesterday. I was an idiot, I was confused as to whether or not you even wanted me around since you packed your things and left... I just want you to know I love you so much and I want us to work. I know we can. You just need to give it a chance." He pleaded.
"I've been giving you chances Edward." I pronounced every word slowly through my teeth.
"I've given you chances each and every time you come home late, drunk. I gave you chances every time you broke a promise to me. I gave you chances all the nights you wouldn't even bother coming home, and each time that work became more important than us. If either of us needed to give us a chance it was you. I'm done giving chances Edward." I snarled. He gave me a pleading look.
"I cannot lose you Bella. You are my heart and soul, I work hard for us. Everything I do even if it doesn't seem like it at the time, is for you. For our future." He explained. It wasn't a good enough argument.
I gave him an exasperated look. "Oh please, you know that's a lie. Your father has you on a leash and you're too afraid to break it." I spat.
He nodded his head. "It's true, Bella, I am afraid of him but only because he controls so much of our lives. The money, the house, my car..." He started to explain but I interrupted.
"Oh give me a break Edward. We are college graduates and we could do something on our own and be happy. The money means nothing when we are both miserable." I started to shake with anger.
"Your father didn't make you curse me out when I needed you. You did that. While my heart was being torn apart, you didn't even think for a second it was urgent. I was just a needy little girlfriend bugging you. That is unforgivable Edward. I never call you at work unless it's important, you didn't even take the time to ask."
He looked ashamed, the black eyes making the look even more pitiful.
"I know, I know. It is unforgivable Bella. I completely agree. I was such a dick head and I shouldn't have done that. You've never given me a reason to behave like that. I was just in an intense conversation with my father... There is no excuse valid enough to make it right, I know that." He lamented.
Just then a waitress came up and said "Hi sorry about the wait you two looked involved, I didn't want to interrupt." she explained. I looked up at her and she seemed to recognize me and her smile faltered.
"Oh, Isabella Swan right? Oh honey I am so sorry to hear about what happened to Charlie. He was such an amazing man."
I took a deep breath and wondered how many times people were going to say that to me before it got tiresome.
I exhaled a long breath and thanked her then ordered berry cobbler and a coke. She took the order down and looked at Edward awkwardly as she obviously recognized him and had a hard time not wincing at his face. He looked extremely uncomfortable.
"I'd like the same please." She smiled and gave him a quick nod and walked back to the counter. Before we could say anything else she was back with our drinks and two plates of cobbler from a batch that had just been made. I thanked her again and took a bite of it. It was heaven on a fork. I smiled at the memory of my dad bringing me here and eating cobbler with him. I pushed the urge to cry down and got focused back on the task at hand.
"I know you say you're sorry. I just can't completely forgive you right now. I'm not saying never, and I will need someone with me at the funeral. I would imagine that you would be the person next to me. I don't know where we stand of course because I feel like any promises we made to each other are lost." his eyes filled up with tears when I said this and it caused me to pause and I almost took it back because it hurt to watch him in so much pain, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Tears were falling from his eyes and he gave me a sorrowful glance.
"I'm going to quit my job Bella." He announced. "I'm going to quit it because working there isn't worth losing you. I love you so much. I will die without you. Please don't give up on us. Please." he begged.
The words shocked me and I looked at him critically.
"Don't do that. Don't tell me that as an attempt at saving a relationship that may not have any future. The fact is Edward, I don't know if I have enough love for you to keep this going anymore." I said trying to not sound heartless, and failing.
He shook his head "You do have enough love for me, you do. I know it Bella. I know that we are meant to be together. I would give up everything for you. I'd live in a box if it made you happy, just don't leave me. Please." he pleaded and grabbed my hands holding them gently in his.
I looked into his eyes and saw the panic. It hurt me to see him so lost.
"I can't make any promises Edward. I'm sorry." I responded.
"Is it Jacob Black? Is he the reason you can't make me promises?" he said bitterly. The sudden change in his emotions scared me. I withdrew my hands from his and glared at him.
"Jacob has nothing to do with anything. How in the world would you even consider such a thing?" I asked baffled. His eyes were enraged with a jealousy that I couldn't comprehend. I shook my head at him. "You're losing it Edward." I snapped.
"Yeah, sure I am. I think it's quite the coincidence that he comes back into town and suddenly you want nothing to do with me anymore. So is he a better fuck than me?" he growled.
I felt as though he had just slapped me in the face. I shook my head in disbelief. "What? What in the hell is wrong with you? What happened to us Edward? A few years ago we were great! I saw a future; a bright shining future with us, a house, and kids. In the span of a little over a year it's gone to shit. Now you're accusing me of cheating on you?" I asked in disbelief. His eyes fell to the table.
"I'm sorry, he just... He came by the house this morning, to question me. You know... about your father. He mentioned he saw you and my imagination got the better of me." He explained this but never looked up from the table. I sat there and just shook my head at him.
"What is wrong with you? I mean, really, what are you going through some weird phase or something?" I sat back in the chair and pushed my plate away, my appetite lost.
He finally looked up at me with a guilty expression. "I'm fucking everything up aren't I?"
"Yeah, actually. You are." I sat there glaring at him, all pity for his broken nose gone.
"Well for the sake of our relationship can you at least stay away from Jacob? Or is that asking too much." he asked flatly.
"The fact you even have to ask something so stupid just shows me how little of a chance we have Edward. I could understand your logic if the roles were reversed and I was the one coming home late, or not coming home at all. You have some nerve to ask me to not be around someone who is out there trying to find my father's killer. Of course I am going to be around him. I don't give a shit if you don't like it."
"Don't be a bitch Bella, it doesn't suit you." he said looking away angrily. My mouth dropped open and I just about screamed. I held back and instead I gathered up my things.
"I'm going to forget you said that. I am going to go back to Angela's house and then tomorrow. I will stop by your house and we can talk like civilized adults or we can end things right then and there because let me tell you something Edward. I am dealing with way too much to have to deal with your bullshit too." I said and stormed out of the restaurant.
I returned to Angela's house angry. More than angry, I was infuriated. He had some nerve! He sits there playing this victim and trying to play on my sympathies throwing empty promises at me and then had the gall to accuse me of sleeping with Jacob? I walked into the house and started pacing the floor with so much adrenaline I didn't know what to do with it. Angela walked out of the kitchen with a smile on her face that quickly dropped when she saw me.
"Oh wow. What happened Bells? Are you alright?" she asked
"No, I am far, far from alright." I said walking from the hallway to the end of the couch and back again.
"Edward is such a total douche bag." I grumbled. Angela took me by the hand and pulled me to the couch and forced me to sit next to her.
"Explain." she commanded. I looked at her and she pulled back a little. "Okay Bella don't kill me with your evil eye." She joked and I slightly smiled. I held up one finger to her grabbed the throw pillow with my other hand and put it to my face and screamed as loudly as I possibly could when I was finished Angela had an astonished look on her face. I took a deep breath then relayed the events of my entire day. By the time I had finished I was worn out but still had a ton of anger surging through my veins. Angela just sat there in shock shaking her head. Finally she broke the silence.
"Wow, Bella. I don't even know how to understand all that you just said. I mean, I have had my doubts about Edward for a while now, but for him to say all that?"She was in disbelief. I took a minute and noticed Alice wasn't around.
"Where is Alice?" I asked.
"She went to dinner with her father. She'll be staying there tonight. She wanted me to tell you that she will be back here first thing tomorrow."
"Oh. Okay." I said simply then I remembered her date with Tyler last night. I wondered how it went.
"So, how was your evening?" I grilled. She blushed. I smiled.
"It was good. He's a pretty awesome guy actually. I always had him pegged as the jock jerk type but he isn't. He's really sweet." I had an encouraging smile.
"I have always liked Ty. I am surprised you didn't tell me sooner, how long have you been dating?" I wondered.
"Oh, well, he asked me out about a week ago and we made plans for last night, but I almost canceled because of, well..." She stopped.
"Yeah. I'm glad you didn't. You need someone new. You haven't really dated since Ben. That was almost 2 years ago."
"Yeah, I know. It has been awhile. Not like there's a ton of single men here in this little town." she explained. I agreed.
"How'd your talk with Jacob go?" She asked.
"Oh, it went, well, good. I'd say it was... interesting." I said and felt the blood start to rush up to my face the thought of his mouth so close to mine caused goosebumps.
Angela's eyebrows raised and she cocked her head to the side."Did he explain himself?"
"Yeah, I mean, I guess he didn't want to get between Edward and I. I think he thought it would cause problems or something." I answered.
"So, then you guys are friends now? Not to pry or anything." She giggled.
"Yes, I think we are... friends... now." I said with a smirk.
"He's has, um, grown up a lot. I noticed." Angela added slyly. I felt the heat crawl up my face.
"Me too. I really noticed that myself." I said trying to hide a smile. Angela giggled.
"So..." Angela encouraged.
"Okay. Okay. I think the wine was an awful idea. I felt like jumping him almost the whole time." I confessed putting my hands over my face as I said it trying to hide my blush.
Angela's smile widened. "Really? Did he notice? What did he do?"
"I think he must have noticed because we nearly kissed, twice. The first time his phone rang, and oh, I think he might have a girlfriend. Then the second time I had to stop it before it got that far because, well, I think he might have a girlfriend and how am I supposed to feel right now? I am so confused Angela. I mean for years I've been craving his friendship and now I'm craving him. I don't want to use him if he is just a rebound effect from having a bad relationship with Edward..." I stopped rambling.
"It's not a rebound effect Bella. I know this because when you two were friends..." she put her fingers in the air to emphasize "friends". "You two were completely in love. I don't know if you knew it or not but everyone saw it. Ask Jessica Stanley, she tried to get with Jacob, but he said you had his heart, and then Mike, he tried for years to get with you, but you only had eyes for Jacob. I was amazed that Edward even turned your head." She explained. Her insight had me stunned. I had his heart?
"Wow. But that was years ago so much has changed." I responded.
"I don't think much has changed Bells. You're both older, more mature. If anything this could be a very good thing."She advised.
"I had his heart? So then he must have been heartbroken when..." My heart fell to the ground. "Oh my god. I am a monster. I didn't even realize. I mean I felt like he was mine, but I never fully examined that. I always took it for granted that he would be around. Then he wasn't. How could he have stayed my friend for as long as he did?" I sat on the couch stunned. Angela was looking at me like I was an alien.
"Are you seriously that blind? Wow, you never realized Jacob was in love with you? You didn't see his flirtatious looks at you? The way he spoke to you?"
"He flirted with a lot of girls though. I would always see him flirting with them and stuff. I thought he just liked being single. I... I mean that night we almost kissed. .." I said in a daze. Could it be? He had said he had cared too much. Did he love me too much to watch me be with another guy? Oh god I was sick to my stomach thinking of how that must have affected him.
"Bella. You two had some serious chemistry back then. He flirted to make you jealous, obviously, but you were so secure with him you never got jealous." She analyzed.
"Why have you never brought this to my attention before?" I scoffed at her.
"You had Edward, why would I try to ruin that? As long as you were happy, I was happy. I never realized it was because you were blind. Had I know that then, I would have spoken up." She answered.
I was speechless. I couldn't even imagine, I tried to think of how I might have reacted if the situation was reversed. If I had realized the depth of my feelings for Jake then, and he went from one night almost kissing me to dating someone and pretty much acting like nothing in the world was different. I would have been so angry. I would have... I would have run away too, probably sooner than he did. At least he stuck around for a few years. My head was spinning. I need to talk to Jacob. I need to know if this was all true and if he truly had the kinds of feelings for me that Angela claims he did.
"Well, I think there's a whole new discussion I need to have with him." I said softly. Angela sat closer to me throwing her arm around my shoulders.
"I rented seasons one through six of Sex And The City. If you call him I'll be in my bedroom watching them. You won't hear a peep from me." She hinted. I smiled at her.
"Okay. I'm going to go make a phone call, but if he can't make it, we are sooo watching that together out here." I declared. I stood up, walked to my bedroom and called Jacob dialing his phone number slowly feeling even more nervous than I had yesterday.
"Hello?" I heard his husky voice answer.
"Hey Ja.. uh.. ahem.. Jacob?" I stuttered. Smooth one Bells.
"Bella? Hey, I was about to call you." he said sounding beautifully cheerful. My old Jake.
I sighed for a moment. "Good to hear. I was wondering..." I stopped and had to check myself to make sure this is what I really wanted, as so much has happened the past few days I wasn't sure I was thinking straight. I decided I was but he interjected.
"I was hoping that we could get some dinner tonight. I know its short notice but I wanted to let you in on some good news. I figure you could use some."
I paused for just a moment sort of surprised. "Where do you want to go?"
"How about Smoke House? It's been awhile since I had the salmon." he suggested.
"That sounds great. I'll meet you there? What time?"
"I'll pick you up at 8." he said in a sexy voice. I smiled.
"Okay. See you then."
I hung up the phone and looked at the time. It was 6:45pm. I walked out to the living room to fill Angela in on my plans. She gave me the thumbs up and laughed at me.
"What is so funny?" I asked flustered.
"You look like a giddy teenager." She smirked. I blushed and went to my room to get ready.