Ch. 9
Decision
His eyes opened and he looked around. Ichigo was in his room in Soul Society. "What the hell was that?" he asked himself. The teen was petrified since he didn't understand what happened. Well, he did understand that the Hollow kissed him…the HOLLOW! He did understand that he was making fun of him after all, but what was puzzling Ichigo was something else. Why the hell was so disappointed when the parasite stopped, or why did he think that Hichigo could even have feelings? Of course the parasite couldn't have feelings! What was in his head?
"Why do I want more?" the teen said with a calm voice.
But he did not find out the answer. He just couldn't pull himself together and answer the question. Ichigo was trembling for five minutes already and his heart was beating crazily in his chest.
He touched his lips with trembling fingers and shuddered. There was no mistake. He could feel it… the sensation of being kissed. Except of his Hollow he never kissed someone and no one kissed him. It was his first, for God's sake!
He had never been this pissed. Indeed, his Hollow finally did it. Hichigo tried, in the past, to annoy him but he never succeed. He tried to kill him, he made fun of him every time they met, he claimed that he'll kill Ichigo and take over his body and kill everyone. But that never worked, actually that made Ichigo hate the hollow more. This time was different, though. Not only that the Hollow stole his first kiss, but he actually made fun of him! The bastard caught him with his guard down.
Why was his face blue at that time anyway? Was he sick? No, he couldn't even GET sick. Whatever the reason was it didn't matter. Maybe the hollow just pretended, maybe that blue…blush or whatever it was, was a trick of Hichigo to divert the teen's attention. Anyway, it worked. Ichigo started to worry about the hollow and the bastard caught the moment and kissed him.
Did he even know that it was the orangette's first kiss? Ichigo wasn't sure of it since hollows were a mystery for everyone. "Maybe he did know." Ichigo thought. "Maybe that's why he did it. Because he knew I will be very pissed if he stole my first kiss!" but he stopped. That wasn't his first kiss. He had his first kiss with… with… Shirosaki, indeed! But the problem was that the hollow didn't force him that time, he was sleeping and…and the teen kissed the HOLLOW! Why the hell did he kiss the parasite? Was he nuts? Was he a pervert?
"I must be a pervert. Lately I'm dreaming only perverted stuff. I'm screwed." Ichigo thought. He was desperate, of course he was! "I have to calm down. That only happened in your mind. He is just trying to push you into a corner and make you go crazy. But that won't happen. I'm smarter than him. I have to be. It's not like he is reading my mind, right? Wait! Maybe he is reading my mind RIGHT NOW, and he is very delighted since he finally pissed me off. Too bad, though, that won't last long, parasite!" Ichigo said with loud voice the last sentence and calmed down.
He wasn't going to fall for Hichigo's tricks.
The teen continued to stare at the ceiling. It was quiet and he asked himself what were the Shinigami doing. They locked him in that house and they were definitely hiding something from him. He was curious, of course, but he just couldn't pull himself together and break the barrier. And speaking of pulling together, he needed the hollow's powers to do it and he definitely didn't want to face the bastard anymore. If he could he would have killed him in that moment, be he couldn't.
And about secrets…not only the Shinigami were hiding something, but his hollow too. He remembered that, before the bastard kissed him, he had his face blue so the orangette tried to find out what happened. But the albino didn't reply sincerely. He was lying and when Ichigo said that he was hiding something even when Ichigo tried to understand him, the hollow was in shock for a few seconds. Then the albino's gaze changed, it became his normal gaze, the insane one. And he attacked the teen. Not to mention that after he stopped for the second time his face was completely terrified. Was all an act? Maybe. But the face Hichigo had when he stopped for the second and last time, that face was too real to be an act. Not even the best actor in the world could make such a terrified face. What if the hollow had a sane side? He was acting strange lately. He was more distant towards the orangette, he didn't even try to kill him when they were in Mashiro, the parasite's territory. Maybe the hollow was only playing with him, but what if that wasn't the case?
Ichigo didn't know what to think anymore. Could Hichigo have a good side too? Was that even possible? The guy was his opposite, so literally he couldn't. But he knew that in this world anything is possible. He, himself, broke the ice in the past. He wanted to win and he did it in the end. Even if his opponents said that it's useless. He won. Maybe his hollow was afraid of his good side. Wait. His good side was Ichigo.
Was Shirosaki afraid of him? Did he try to mask his fear by mocking him? The truth was that Ichigo feared the Hollow a lot at the beginning and even now he couldn't say that he wasn't at least a bit afraid of him.
"If he is afraid of me, then I bet that he will do everything to hide this fact." Ichigo thought.
But that didn't change too much. Ichigo wanted to kill the hollow. Be it fear or anger, the reason, but he still wanted Shirosaki dead. Ichigo had to admit that the hollow was useful lately, but he still wanted him to disappear. He could not trust the parasite, he would be nuts if he did so.
"What's the truth, Shirosaki? Do you really despise me? Are you afraid of me? Is it hard to be in the second place, locked in somewhere where no light reaches you? Does it hurt? Can you feel? How much do you know about this world? I have so many questions…But I know you'll never answer them honestly and seriously." the teen talked to himself but no one responded, of course. "Isn't it painful… your life? You live in such an empty world. That place is emptier than Hueco Mundo. The air I breathed there, the cold floor, the white walls, the pitch black sky and the icy moon…everything scream to me only one word: "Loneliness". Do you feel lonely in that black and white world? You should be the hollow of distruction, you are, but what's with that lonely place? Is that the result of your heart? Your world has changed. What happened? You used to live in my sunny world, with blue skyscrapers. Do I scare you that much? That's why you ran in that empty place? Or is it that you grew up and created your own world? I guess that's it. Your world has no warmth, no hope, no joy. Just black and white. A big place, a maze with no one there. I'm surprised you have light there. Does this mean that you have a hope? Shiro…will you ever trust me?" Ichigo continued to talk to no one.
He was sad, he really pitied the hollow, he would be like Hichigo too if he were in his place. Maybe he should give him a chance.
"It's sad, to be in his place. Being a parasite isn't simple. Maybe I should be nicer from now on. No. Wait. I can't let my guard down. Maybe that's what he wants. No. He is the parasite and I'll destroy him next time we meet. So no more problems." He said firmly. It was the final decision. He wasn't going to accept the hollow. It was too risky.
Ichigo turned his gaze at the window. Outside it was still raining and he was wondering what were the others doing. He wanted to go out but he didn't want to meet his hollow again. So he continued to stare blankly through the window. He couldn't sleep either. What if he entered in Mashiro again? He had to stay awake.
The rain was falling hard and the time had seemed not to pass anymore, and there was no wind to spread the white petals. On a branch, being hidden by the white petals there were two crows. They let a loud croak slip but they didn't move.