CHAPTER TEN: WORSE THAN COMPLICATED

Time alone was a precious commodity for the Captain and virologist, given their duties onboard the ship and his responsibilities to his kids. Over the next few days, they only got a few opportunities for private moments. They were doing their best not to raise anyone's suspicions, taking advantage of Rachel's well-known relationship with Sam and Ashley. She tried to slip away from her lab each evening in order to do something with the Chandlers; they'd have dinner or play games or - like tonight - share stories at bedtime.

Tom sat at the desk in the kids' room and listened as Rachel told Ashley and Sam about her first trip to Paris as a little girl. The kids were curled up with her on Ashley's bed, Sam leaning on her left shoulder and Ashley on her right. Their eyelids slowly drooped more and more as they heard about visiting the Eiffel Tower and sailing on the Seine. It saddened Tom to think that his kids would never be able to experience those things themselves. What would the world be like by the time they were adults? What stories would they be able to tell their own children?

Eventually Rachel looked up at him with a little grin. "I think they're out," she whispered. Both children's eyes were closed, and he enjoyed seeing them so innocent and peaceful. A couple months earlier, he'd doubted whether they'd ever be this happy and secure again.

Tom pulled Sam into his arms in order to transfer him up to his own bed while Rachel carefully extricated herself from Ashley. She couldn't help but admire how gentle Tom was with the ones that mattered most to him, especially since she knew how fearsome he could be with an enemy. He seemingly effortlessly lifted his son to the top bunk and gently got him settled. After pulling up the little boy's blanket and kissing his forehead, he repeated the process with his daughter. The Captain could be a giant teddy bear or a grizzly.

Once Tom was finished, he turned to Rachel. The look in her eyes was unreadable, but she offered him a smile. He returned it, pointing to the hatch with a nod of his head. They stepped out into the hall and Tom carefully closed the door behind them. "What were you thinking about in there?" he wondered.

Rachel's smile didn't fade, but she shook her head. "Nothing important…" She was a bit embarrassed to share her musings. "I should get back down to the lab."

"You can't stay a little while longer?"

She shook her head. "I didn't mean to be gone this long; I had some tests running." Paris had been the second story of the night; just hearing one hadn't been enough for the children.

Tom relented. "Okay, I know I can't argue with that." He'd already come to terms with the fact that she was just as important to the world as she was to him.

Rachel smiled before glancing down the p-way to ensure it was empty. She rose up on her toes to give him a brief peck on the lips. "Goodnight."

Tom grabbed her arm as she started to step past him and reciprocated with a longer, more passionate kiss. Just because he understood that she needed to leave didn't mean that he wanted her to. "Goodnight," he replied when they parted.

Caught up in their own little world, neither of them heard another officer's footsteps retreating away down the corridor.

Blood. Mayhem. Screaming.

Rachel shot awake from another nightmare, feeling sick to her stomach and like her heart about to beat out of her chest. Realizing that she was safe in her lab, she slowly started to calm down. She wearily dragged her hand through her hair as she tried to push the memories from her mind.

Dawn was still a few hours away, but she wasn't going back to sleep. She went to the wardroom to get a cup of hot water for tea before wandering out to the flight deck for some fresh air. A thunderstorm was raging in the distance; by the light of a couple lightning strikes, she realized there was someone else already out by the railing.

"What are you doing up, luv?" she asked Bertrise.

She shrugged. "Couldn't sleep." Her 'home' was a berth down among the enlisted sailors. Bertrise didn't mind the cramped quarters since she enjoyed being surrounded by interesting people. A room by herself in officers' country would have been terribly lonely. But sometimes - especially after a nightmare - her windowless middle bunk felt like a coffin. She didn't need the reminder that, if not for a lucky bit of DNA, she would have been dead months earlier.

Rachel's attention went back to the weather ashore as lightning flashed again. "That's quite a storm."

Bertrise nodded. "Yeah…"

"So, what was your nightmare about?" Rachel smoothly asked before taking a sip of her tea. It was far easier to deal with someone else's problems instead of her own.

Bertrise sighed, wishing that she wasn't so transparent. She and Rachel had spent a great deal of time together over the past few months, and therefore knew each other very well. "The ship I was on before. But it was nothing." She didn't want to admit the twist to this particular dream - that she'd seen Rachel's body among the decaying corpses on the Octopus. The scientist's recent illness had been a very close call that Bertrise's subconscious wouldn't let her forget.

"It's not nothing," Rachel told her. "You've been through many frightening things. I'm constantly amazed by how well you've adjusted. You're far braver than I am."

Bertrise shook her head. "No, I'm not. I'm scared."

Rachel took her hand. "We all are, luv."

She sniffled. "I'm afraid of what would happen to me… if something happened to you."

Rachel looked out toward shore. "Do you know what I thought the first time I saw you?"

Bertrise shook her head. "No."

"That you were a miracle." She smiled. "A bit unfair, I know, but you were the solution I'd been waiting for. Then I got to know you, and realized you're even more. You're so smart and kind and caring, and I wish with all my heart that we had something more to offer you. At your age, you should be thinking about friends and boys and university, not… this." She gestured behind them to the ship.

Bertrise looked away shyly; Rachel knew she never gave herself enough credit. The teen was selfless and had an insatiable curiosity that hopefully would serve her well. The best thing Rachel could do for her future was to share as much knowledge as possible and just hope Bertrise could find something to make her happy.

"I'm certainly not planning on going anywhere," she continued, "But if something were to happen, I know you'll be okay. The others here will make sure of it, and I know how incredible you are."

Bertrise smiled slightly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, luv. You've been a great help to me in so many ways, and I'm very glad to have you here."

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." They both went back to watching the storm for a long moment. "So," Bertrise eventually spoke up, "What is going on with you and Captain Chandler?"

Rachel kept staring straight ahead. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Bertrise just smiled. They did indeed know each other very well.

The weather improved during the morning to a beautiful, sunny day with a clear blue sky. However, as the hours passed, Tom noticed a new storm brewing on the bridge. Everyone was doing their jobs, but there was a definite tension in the air. Every question received as short of an answer as possible. Everyone's etiquette was impeccable. The Captain finally realized it was all in response to the XO's mood. While Mike wasn't riding anyone harder than necessary, it was clear that he wasn't putting up with any crap that day.

"Is that fire drill still in the schedule for Thursday?" Tom asked him at one point in the afternoon.

"If that's still what you want to do."

Tom nodded. "I do." With everything that had been happening recently, they hadn't been drilling as much, but he wanted to ensure the crew was ready to handle anything. A fire at sea was always a great fear for any ship, and getting land-based assistance wasn't an option anymore.

"Aye, sir. Whatever you want." There was an edge to his voice that Tom wasn't used to and didn't like. After a moment of thought, he tipped his head toward the door.

"Let's get some air," he told the XO. "Lieutenant, you have the bridge."

"Aye, sir," Alicia Granderson replied.

Once outside, Tom carefully approached what he thought was the cause for his friend's mood. "What's going on, Mike? Did you hear something about your family?" That seemed like the most likely explanation.

He grimaced. "No, sir. No word yet." There hadn't been any word from his wife or daughters in weeks, and thinking about that just soured his mood further.

"You have something else you want to get off your chest, then?" Tom wondered.

"Do you?" Mike fired back. Tom frowned, confused. "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

He had a feeling he would regret it, but wanted to get to the bottom of what was going on. "Granted."

"I saw you last night in the p-way," the Commander revealed. "With Dr. Scott." Her name was practically a sneer.

Tom sighed. "I'm sorry; I didn't intend for that."

"To be making out with her in the middle of the hallway or to get caught?" Mike wondered.

"Both." They should have known better. He definitely should have known better.

Slattery raised an eyebrow. "So the two of you aren't… That was just a lapse in judgement?"

"No, we… I don't know exactly what we are, yet, but we're trying to figure it out."

Mike shook his head in disgust. "I can't believe you. I mean, seriously, you can't even wait three months to replace the love of your life?"

"I know it hasn't been that long!" Tom snapped. "Okay? I know it hasn't been long since Darien…" The word wouldn't come, stuck behind a pile of guilt that he'd been trying to push away. "If you think it isn't tearing me up inside…"

"Not enough, apparently. Or is she just so good in the sack, you couldn't help yourself?"

Tom glared. "That's way out of line," he growled at his XO, unconsciously clenching his fists.

"So is you playing house with the first available warm body," Mike shot back. "It's a slap in the face to every person on this crew who is const - " He choked on his tears and it took a moment before he could speak again. "Constantly praying for and mourning all the people we care about!"

Tom was rendered absolutely speechless. He'd been spending a lot of time puzzling over how a relationship with Rachel would affect his kids, but he'd thought he was prepared for his officers' reactions. Ire over the timing or doubt that he could separate his personal and professional lives seemed natural. He felt like he could handle those. But Mike brought up an issue that he'd never considered. Despite losing his wife, Tom had the rest of his family safely with him, and now had someone to share that family with. No one else had received the same opportunities. It seemed the saying that 'rank has its privileges' had gone way too far.

Mike had turned away, trying to get himself back under control. Usually when he was on duty, he could put aside thoughts of his dead son and missing wife and daughters in order to function. It was mainly at night that their memories haunted him. But everything was imploding now. "Permission to be dismissed, sir?" he gritted out.

Tom nodded, still stunned and lost in thought. "Go ahead." He watched as his friend quickly headed back inside.

Rachel had been right; 'complicated' wasn't even close to an adequate term for the situation they found themselves in.

TBC...

A/N: Trading fluff back for angst. Ideas and comments are always welcome ;-)