porky dorky. Thanx to the people that reviewed for the other story, coz it makes me happy. I'm really sorry for complaining. It was stupid. But now I'm really mad, coz 'gia' wrote "you stink crybaby". I TOLD YOU I'D RANT ABOUT FLAMES!!!!!! In the first chapter too. Gia, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOU HAD SPENT A MONTH WRITING SOMETHING THAT YOU THOUGHT WAS GOOD, THEN YOU ONLY GET 4 REVIEWS!!!!!! AND ONE OF THEM, I ASKED THE PERSON THROUGH PM!!!!! YOU WOULD FEEL THAT YOU WRITING WAS A LOST CAUSE!!!!!! And thats how I did feel. So you shut-up! Also, I'm really sorry it took such a long time to put this up. It's just that I came to this part where I was like, what should I write now, that doesn't sound like a just came from Kindergarten. This one is longer than usual chapters for me, so you'll hopefully forgive me for taking such a long time. I'll update Why don't you ask too. thanx. by the way, read chapter 5, which is for awkward. I loved writing that one. I had alot of Happy fun time with that one. And thanks playin'-it-cold for nominating this story for best story, even though it didn't take a place, which I didn't think it would.
Disclaimer- IDO (thanks !) the Sisters Grimm or Charlie and the chocolate factory... But I do own several people's souls due to eBay... hehe, look out George Bush... I have yours too. teehee!
100 ways to Break a leg
54# chocolate
"Hey Piggy?"
Sabrina looked up and scowled. Puck.
"We've ran outta chow. Be a good little girl and lose those last hamburgers by running down to the shops. I'm low in chocolate" Puck demanded smugly.
"We've got plenty of food! And I'm a vego. I don't eat meat. Specially hamburgers" Sabrina snapped back.
"This is not food," Puck protested, lifting the tofu out of the fridge and holding it far from him in disgust "It's... processed... rubbery gunk! And I get extra points on the 'come-back table' for using the long word"
"Why do I have to get it? Get it yourself! I'm busy doing homework"
"You have to do it 'cause it's me or you, and kings don't 'run down to the shops'. And I'm the king of many things" Puck concluded, while brushing the 'dirt' off of his shoulders.
"Oy! Shut up fairy-boy!" Sabrina shouted, getting up from her bed and letting her hands clench into fists.
"BOTH OF YOU GO!!!" screamed a very tired Daphne, "Not all of us can get up this early!!"
"It's 12 in the afternoon Daphne!" said Sabrina
"And...?"
Sabrina sighed "Well I guess I had to go for a walk anyway. Come on Puck"
They walked downstairs and out the front door, scowling as they went.
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They walked in silence, until they got to a small store on the corner of the street. It was painted in a royal purple colour, and had numerous children inside, barrelling chocolates into their shopping baskets. Actually, store isn't the word I'd use for it. Out the front was the small shop, where the children were, but it joined onto a huge factory. Written across the shop window was, 'Charlie Bucket Goods'.
Puck's streak flew past Sabrina, and before she new it, Puck was the size of an elephant. Chocolate painted his lips, and he had countless amounts of candy bars in his hands. He tried to get the food to his mouth, but his stout arms couldn't reach around his large neck. A small girl was revealed- stuck to his rear end- when Puck rolled over. She screamed before sinking into the flabs of his skin.
"MOOORE!!!" Puck ordered the pimply teenager at the counter.
"Would you like fries with that?" trembled the teenager.
"Fries? This is a candy store!" exclaimed Sabrina.
"I'm paid extra for it. I'm afraid I have to- gulp- take your... erm...thing away" Asked the boy pointing to the exit.
Sabrina sighed, "I'd better call granny" She dialled the number and put the phone to her ear. "Hello?... Can I speak to Granny... It's a real emergency... Hi Granny, um, how do I say it, Puck ate a little too much... Well that's the problem, he can't exactly fit out the door... He's pretty big... Oh yeah, he squashed a few kids... Well I can only count the ones I can see... I can see 5... wait, no, there's only 2 now... Ok...I'll see you later" Sabrina hung up and glared at Puck.
"MMOOOORREE!!!!!!!!!!!! I. NEED. FFOOOOOD!!" Yelled Puck again.
Granny pulled up onto the pavement. She stared up at Puck and dropped her purse in horror, "Oh my. I'm afraid that I don't have this much forgetful dust" Relda walked into the shop, followed by Daphne, Red, Canis, Uncle Jake, Henry, Veronica and Elvis. Veronica fainted, while Elvis began to lick the candy remains off of Puck. Red and Daphne managed to yank a few kids out of Puck's flabs, but couldn't manage to get Wendell in time. He died shaking, making Puck to vibrate (Sorry I had to. Bad image...).
Jake managed to teleport him out of the shop, and the Grimm family began home.
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They placed Puck in the living room and all sat around, waiting for a resolution. Suddenly Puck's cheeks puffed up and his eyes widened.
"HE'S GUNNA SPEW!!!! TAKE COVER!!!" yelled Henry. Everyone hid behind the sofas and under the low tables.
Puck let out an enormous belch and 4 golden tickets flew out of his mouth. Sabrina picked up the rappers with a tissue and held them far away from her face, inspecting them.
She began to read a small inscription on one of the tickets;
"I greet you, my friends. I am Charlie Bucket, and this ticket is to formally announce that you are one of the five lucky winners to visit my factory of 'Charlie Bucket Goods'. Come to my factory at 12 o'clock, sharp, on the 5th of July. I will be your tour guide. No parents are to accompany you. There will be endless fortunes of candy and sweets, in my fields of joy. That is your prise. I look forward to meeting you" Sabrina finished reading and looked up at everyone, beaming.
"CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!" screamed Daphne, before she jumped to hug Puck in appreciation. But she was engulfed in Pucks flabs. (A/N: Sorry. Im making it up as I go along. I couldn't help it. BUT NOW ELVIS CAN GO!!!! YAY!!!)
"Whoops" Puck laughed. But yet again, he started to shake violently from his laughter.
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They walked up to the great looming gates of their destination. Sabrina, Red, Elvis and Puck- who had came to his healthy wait again- stared down the long red carpet, where a large man stood. He had sandy blond hair, few freckles and held a leash in his left hand. On the end of the leash was a small orange man with green hair, who was on his hands and knees.
"Come," began the man. "into my factory. I, as you may have guessed, am Charlie Bucket"
Sabrina hesitantly took a step forward, while Puck flew straight past Charlie and tried to kick the factory door down. The other children walked up to Charlie, who immediately inspected them, commenting on their weight.
"There are 4" Charlie stated. "Where is the 5th?"
"I don't know. Maybe you should've checked who you were inviting! It's what normal people do. It helps" Sabrina answered.
"And who are you?" Charlie snarled, pointing to Sabrina.
"I am Sabrina Grimm. This is Red, Elvis and... Puck" Sabrina answered showing him to the others.
"Well. If there are only 4, and it is 12 o'clock sharp, then we must proceed" Charlie tugged on his lead, and his 'pet' oompa-loompa handed him a large key ring. He checked every key, until he came to the end of the ring. "Oh Yes. This door has no lock!!!" laughed Charlie. He pushed open the door and he led the children in. "Do you know why the right key is always the last key you pick?" Charlie asked?
The children looked at each other, confused.
"BECAUSE YOU DON'T KEEP LOOKING ONCE YOU FOUND THE RIGHT KEY!!!" laughed Charlie. Sabrina and Red exchanged glances, nervously, while Puck stood there.
"I don't get it..." Puck stated.
Charlie ignored the comment, and they walked into a room labelled, 'edible room'.
The room was huge. The grass was a brilliant green and felt soft on their feet. There were tree's with candy canes hanging off. There were little cottages, clearly made of gingerbread. There were giant mushrooms, butterflies, flowers, giant candy canes, bushes and the most astonishing of all; a huge lagoon made of chocolate, complete with a waterfall.
"Everything in this room is edible. Even I am edible. But that, my tasty children, is called Cannibalism" smiled Charlie.
Puck ran to a small house and began to eat the fence. "HE'S RIGHT!!!!!" Puck yelled, tears of joy welling up in his eyes.
Elvis ran to the chocolate lagoon and lapped up the chocolate.
"This must be why Charlie is so... large" Red commented looking up at the bid man, who was taking candy canes from a nearby tree and swallowing them whole.
Sabrina looked around the large room. across the lake, was another oompa-loompa. "Look, Red! It's an oompa-loompa."
Red saw the small man and jumped up and down, much like Daphne would do. "SING US A SONG!!!!!" she pleaded. Charlie gave the oompa-loompas threatening looks, and they continued their work.
Charlie in his eagerness, dropped his lead, and the oompa-loompa walked to Sabrina and Red. Puck came over and Elvis followed. The oompa-loompa turned to Charlie, then back to the children. "You have to help us!" the oompa-loompa began. "Charlie was a good boy, but the sin of greed overtook him, and he ate until he became so fat that he got depressed and angry. In a result, he ate his family. When he realised what he had done, he let his anger out on us. Now we are not aloud to sing. We must work, and work, and work without break! If you don't kill Charlie he'll most likely eat you all. He must be killed. If you do kill him, I will reward you with 1 wishes"
"Wait, isn't it 3 wishes?" confronted Puck
"You only get 1 'cause your not worth anything" snapped the orange man.
"So how are we gonna smash him?" asked Red, preventing Puck from giving his long speech about his villainy and fame.
"There is only one way," the oompa-loompa began "W.W.E. wrestling!"
"WHAT? You can't expect a couple of kids to take down a man like him! Specially not in wrestling! We'll drown in his fat! Eternally!" exclaimed Sabrina.
"Do you wanna be charlie poop?" The oompa-loompa said, as though he were threatening to sack them.
"EEEEEEWW!!!!" Red yelled, shrinking back.
Charlie noticed the small circle that the family had created. He waddled towards them.
Puck turned around and stared up at the huge man. "I CHALLENGE YOU TO A ROUND OF W.W.E., Charlie Benjamin Bucket"
"That's not my middle name..." said Charlie, somewhat dumbfounded.
"Oh... Well... Can I ask again?"
"Errrm. Sorry. It only gives you that jolt once... you stuffed it" Charlie said solemnly.
"Err. Sorry... Well will you except my challenge?" asked Puck, scratching the back of his neck.
"Meh, sure"
"THEN PREPARE THE FIGHTING RING" announced the oompa-loompa.
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Puck stared up at his opponent. Charlie wore a brown bath-robe, much too small for him. Puck wore a blue bath-robe.
Sabrina stood on the side lines, with a fold-up chair. "If he swallows you, dig your way out with this" Sabrina suggested, pointing towards the chair. She threw it up into the ring.
Red stood beside her, nervously. Elvis was inside the ring, wearing a black and white striped referee T-shirt.
"LET THE GAME BEGIN!!!" shouted an oompa-loompa in a deep, deep voice.
Charlie threw off his robe, revealing a 'Borat swim-suit'. Puck threw off his robe, uncovering his leotard from 'Blades of Glory'. Where they got suits, Puck couldn't guess.
The components circled each other before Charlie lunged at Puck. Puck dove out of the way, but Elvis was squashed anyway.
"There goes another Ref" sighed one of the oompa-loompas.
Puck took the opportunity, and jumped at Charlie, he transformed, mid-air, into an elephant. He landed on Charlie with full force but sunk into his fat. He reached for the chair. Puck smashed the chair down on Charlie. His fat rippled away and Puck was free. (Sorry about the bad images. Yuk I hate them too)
Puck spun on his heels and returned to his normal form. He grew knives out of his knuckles and ran at Charlie, while Charlie stood up. Puck kept going until he was close enough, where he jumped up and landed on Charlie's chest. He punched Charlie repeatedly until he died.
"Is it me, or was that scene from X men Origins?" Sabrina said, before breaking into tears.
"What's wrong?" asked Red.
"PUCK!!!! YOU IDIOT!!!!!! He was my real father!!!!" cried Sabrina. She jumped up onto the stage and got Puck into a position where he was lying on his stomach, with Sabrina stepping on the small of his back, and pulling his leg up until it was touching his head.
Puck cried out in pain. There were three cracks to follow.
"Just Kidding!!!" laughed Sabrina, "I tricked you didn't I?" She pointed at Puck and laughed comically.
"Errm... Sabrina, I think you just broke Puck's leg. I heard it crack" Red pointed out bluntly.
"No that was just me!" Said someone behind them. Red slowly turned around and saw... A LEPRECHAUN!!!!! The leprechaun did a small jig, while eating his recently popped popcorn.
"Uh Huh..." Red said, looking the leprechaun up and down, "I want my wish now!"
"But I killed him!!!!!" yelled Puck, picking himself of the ground.
"I don't care!" Red snapped.
The head oompa-loompa approached the group. He held a wet, soggy boot. "With this boot, you can wish for anything you want. One wish"
"I WANT NEVER ENDING TIM TAMS!!!!!" screamed Puck.
"As you wish." the oompa-loompa disappeared,and the boot was replaced by a packet of Tim Tams.
Puck rushed to the packet and tore it open greedily. He took one of the chocolate biscuits out and stuffed it in his drooling mouth. One more Tim Tam appeared in the packet.
"PUCK!! Why didn't you think! We could've wished Daphne or Elvis alive!!!" screamed Sabrina. She snatched the Tim Tams out of Puck's hands and threw them into the chocolate lake. Another packet appeared in it's place. Sabrina growled and repeated the action several times before she gave up. "Well how are we gonna get out?" she asked, obviously beaten.
"I d'know. Wheres the door?" suggested Red, looking around. The children walked around, searching for the large wooden door. "That's odd" began Red, "I thought the door was right next to the giant yellow mushroom. It's not there anymore" She was right. The door was not there. It was just another part of the long stretch of wall.
"Do you think the room goes on forever?" suggested Puck.
"No. But I do think that someones trying to keep us here" Sabrina said angrily.
"Nobody keeping the trickster king captive!" exclaimed Puck. He turned on his heals ans began to shape. Puck was throw onto his hands and knees and his feet grew until his converse popped off his feet. His skin turned grey, and toughened. Puck's nose grew long and ended in a large horn, while his forehead thickened. He was now a rhinoceros. "Clear the way girlies. This is gunna be big..."
OMGoat!!!! It's a cliffy. yeah. eh heh. It was getting kinda long, compared to my normal chapters, which are really really short. This chappie is about 300 words. So I'll do another chapter on this or two. It will probably be a while. I'm not really good at the whole 'updating everyday' thingo. Soz. Thanx playin'-it-cold for nominating me. It means the world. And please review 'Why don't you ask'. I need another 5 questions before I can do another chapter. And vote on my poll. Thanx.
-Elligoat