Alrighty. First off, an apology to the readers of my story "Never Ending Questions." It has come to my attention that NEQ is in serious need of revision and continuity aid. I didn't have a clean timeline when I began for many reasons, the first being that I was much less experienced as a writer, and the second being that I never expected such a large turnout of support, especially from total strangers. For this reason, I hope to rewrite the chapters as best I can, correcting continuity, and allowing for a better side-story (Needles of Time) to be written. Once I have the continuity fixed and the chapters edited to 'not being absolutely horrible', I will do a mass-edit/update and include a summary of what changed in the accompanying new-installment. I estimate this will happen around chapter 12, as 11 is nearly spilling out of my head as I type it. Keep an eye out for this, and feel free to give me harsh pointers about things that should be changed. Obviously, for plot reasons, some people must remain dead, but that doesn't mean that I can't write about it a little better. This is one of those (very) rare occasions where I will accept sharp retorts, comments, corrections, criticism, and complaints. Take advantage of it, as it probably will not surface again for a while.
Secondly, I'd like to thank the readers of NEQ with open arms and wide smiles. I've reached 1k hits! It's one of the reasons that I'm caving in and doing a revamp of the chapters I've already written. If it's going to be widely read, I'd rather it be well-written and widely read. Nothing more embarrassing that reading through the first few chapters looking for continuity-fails and seeing all of the tiny little characterization and writing flaws. They say the artist is her most cruel critic, and I would be hard pressed to disprove that. So, this is a heads up and a thank you. As a further reward, I hope to release Chapter 12 soon (Goal deadline Mid-June 2011) to say "Thanks for sticking by, even when I wasn't very good at telling the story you seem to like so much."
One thing I've noticed in my plot-correction is that I've been incredibly mean to Sango in NEQ. I don't know if I can stand to be that horribly mean to her. I have several options: Keep Miroku alive, keep Miroku alive just long enough to sire her children, or keep Miroku dead. Miroku is one of my favorite characters, and I realized I was being incredibly cruel to the poor girl who has literally lost everything with the death of her (probable) fiancée. Her brother is dead, her sister is missing and presumed dead, her entire village is dead, her family in that village is dead, her fire cat is dead (or maybe not, if Miroku ends up surviving), and now I've killed off Miroku. How cruel. The only other problem with his death is that he doesn't need to be dead for plot purposes, and almost works better with him alive. I don't know what I was thinking when I killed him off, and I hope it doesn't cause too much trouble to 'un-kill' him. DX
Now, with nothing further to mention, aside from the fact that I don't own Inuyasha, or a soothing koi pond, I give you chapter 10!
Kouga had arrived only yesterday morning, but the afternoon sun was already beginning to slip away into evening, and he hadn't said anything to her beyond their first meeting. In a way, Kagome understood the wariness and hesitation, but this was a little over the top. She'd already spoken with both Hakaku and Ginta about small little topics, but she felt like they were skirting around the major ones and leaving them for Kouga.
Who, she was beginning to suspect, was avoiding her.
Kagome frowned and looked out the round window in one of Sesshoumaru's 'drawing rooms', though why they were called such she had no idea. Her eyes fell on the wolf in question, glaring pensively into the pond in Sesshoumaru's garden.
Why is he avoiding me? Is there something he wants to tell me, but is afraid I won't be able to handle it?
Kagome felt her resolve harden to steel as her thoughts mulled over the reasons for his skittishness, and entirely too un-Kouga attitude to let it go on for much longer. She picked absently at the corner hem of one of her sleeves, and watched him slip into what she suspected was a meditative posture.
If Sesshoumaru has told him not to say anything about certain things, that would certainly explain his evasiveness. But really, he looks like he's about to burst if he can't see me or say anything for much longer.
Her thoughts turned, and her emotions became more irate, frustrated with Sesshoumaru for limiting her access to the outside world to such an intense degree. Curling her hands into small unimpressive fists, Kagome continued to convince herself she was ready to hear about the past as it related to Kouga; regardless of her actual state of preparedness.
"Lady," a familiar voice pulled her from her thoughts and back into the room.
"Yes, Katsushiro?" Kagome's response came automatically, not immediately catching the title that had been slipped in so sneakily.
"What is it that has captured your attention so solidly?" Katsushiro's voice only feigned curiosity, she could see very well what, or rather -who-, had garnered Kagome's attention.
Kagome replied by dodging the question, and asking one of her own, "Didn't I tell you stop calling me that?"
Her friend's smile quirked upwards slightly, "I will call you whatever you wish, on the condition that you tell me the target of your attention."
Kagome's attention shifted entirely back inside the room as her brain registered the full cunning of Katsushiro's inquiry. Damn. Well, never mind that. She chuckled lightly, "It's not that important, you may call me Lady if you really want to."
Katsushiro's eyebrow lifted, nearly as incredulously as her tone of voice, "Oh, isn't that Lord Kouga?" Her voice feigned interest and curiosity, digging for a point of reaction from Kagome. "I heard he came to visit you yesterday. Was that who had come to see you after Sesshoumaru-sama bade me 'occupy my time elsewhere'?" Katushiro could have nearly cut Kagome's aura with an imaginary knife after how tense she became following Katsushiro's pressing curiosity.
Kagome laughed uneasily, trying in vain to lighten the importance of the meeting, "Yes, he is an old friend of mine from before -" she cut off, realizing the passage of time was different between her and the rest of the world. "My disappearance," she ended lamely, wondering if Katsushiro would continue in her current vein.
Naturally, curiosity would not rest, and Katushiro continued to pester Kagome. "Oh wow! Did you know he was a Youkai Lord back then?" Katsushiro didn't leave much time for Kagome to process that little nugget of information before plowing forward. "It's incredibly rare for those two to talk, even to exchange correspondence, as I understand it. So, to have warranted a personal visit from the Lord of the Southern Lands, I expect you were a rather close friend of his in the past, right?" Katsushiro nearly had sparkles flying from her eyes at the reaction her comments had triggered in Kagome.
It took most of Katsushiro's attention to keep from giggling, so when Kagome responded, Katsushiro had a difficult time not spluttering and coughing on disbelief. The look of soft memory in Kagome's eyes went totally unnoticed, but the words were all that mattered, "I suppose so, he used to claim me as his woman quite often, but he's changed now." Kagome added in afterthought, "I wonder what's changed."
I miss the times where I could just worry about that sort of thing instead of having to worry about politics and dancing lightly around Sesshoumaru. Her thoughts became sardonic as she added, I guess Jii-chan was right: "No matter how bad it is now, it can -and generally will- get worse eventually."
Again, her tears surged forward unbidden as thoughts of her family resurfaced.
Katsushiro, unfortunately, misunderstood the source of her sadness.
"Lady Kagome?" Her tone was hesitant, unsure, and really afraid of having the few tears spill over into a downpour. When Katsushiro received no response, she took a deep breath and tried to explain things as she 'soothed' Kagome, "I know it must come as a shock to you, but there are rumors of another female in his pack that has gained his favor."
The explanation was quite tentative, and Kagome was quite confused, but she said nothing. Katsushiro's valued explanations and wisdom often came in oddly phrased delivery, but she'd never experienced it to this degree.
"Kagome, he probably hasn't grown away from you because he's come to dislike you, but rather because there is someone else on his mind," Katsushiro stumbled and searched for a better way to explain things, "The thing is, Kouga- Lady Kagome?"
Kagome couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out of her throat unbidden when Katsushiro had finally made sense. She'd become so immersed in her thoughts that she hadn't realized Katsushiro was talking about Kouga, and not her grandfather. Peeking another glance at her worried friend between breathless giggles, Kagome took pity on the youkai who had become her close friend, "I don't like Kouga in that manner." She raised her hands to make her point clear, "I was just wondering why he was avoiding me after taking such efforts to come see me... especially because it's been so long since he's seen me last"
Katsushiro's expression was priceless. A comical blend of relief, confusion, and humor preceded her hesitant confirmation, "So, you aren't upset that he might be courting someone else?"
Kagome's lighthearted giggle sealed the deal, "Of course not! I'm glad he's finally stopped pestering me about it. Besides, he deserves to be happy with someone who understands him, not someone who missed out on ten years of his life and wasn't even interested in him in the first place."
Katsushiro's skeptical gaze told Kagome she'd picked up on some of the lingering sadness in her tone when she mentioned missing a decade of his life, but Katsushiro also had faith in Kagome. She knew Kagome wasn't lying, but that also meant Kagome was sad about missing a decade of life for those around her. Knowing better than to bring up delicate subjects -that didn't surface on their own or from her lord stirring them around- Katsushiro quickly dropped the subject.
Kouga snarled under his breath, he was being positively childish, but it didn't stop him from being anxious about speaking with Kagome. There were many things, he decided, that he wanted to talk to her about, but none that could easily come up in conversation. The wolf lord had never been one for small-talk, and he wasn't sure he could keep up a perfectly neutral conversation for very long.
He wasn't afraid, that'd be stupid, and even more childish. Kouga was just at a loss for how to continue safely. A tactical uncertainty and nothing more.
The pensive, moody youkai had spent the hours that bled the afternoon into evening and then slipped into twilight glaring at the lake in meditation. Clearing his thoughts had not always been helpful, or rather, it was always helpful when it worked, but not always certain that they would be cleared.
His nose told him of her approach before the sound of her footsteps reached his ears. Smiling wryly, he supposed he should have expected it, Kagome never liked avoiding a problem too long if it could be addressed, and Kouga was fairly certain that she'd been keeping an eye on him off and on during his staring contest with the lake. It must have taken her a while to gather up her courage and face her troubles.
Frowning, Kouga realized in a small epiphany that he would also need to follow her lead in the choice of topics. Just because she was reaching out to initiate conversation that he'd fled from, did not mean that she was ready to hear some of the more gruesome truths of the decade she'd lost.
Kouga waited, feigning ignorance, until she was even with his rock.
When she approached, he felt his words stick in his throat, and he discovered he couldn't have spoken even if he had been able to decide which words to use. At her continued silence it seemed she might be having the same sort of hesitations.
He flicked his gaze over to her, dressed in an understated soft green yukata, worrying her bottom lip as she tried to think of something to say.
Making a small noise in his throat, he patted the space next to him on his flat rock perch in invitation. It was still warm from the sun's rays, and quite smooth to the touch – suitable for sitting upon even with delicate clothing.
He watched her mild surprise shift into hesitant acceptance as she climbed onto the rock next to him. He reached out a hand to steady her at the elbow, but it was an unnecessary precaution.
Quietly, they sat there in nearly companionable silence as the stars twinkled into existence. Realizing the silence was thickening into awkwardness, Kouga began abruptly, as though in the middle of a story.
"We searched for you, for a long time, Kagome," his voice cracked a little despite his efforts to avoid it, and a little of that old fear and anxiety slipped into his tone unbidden. "We thought something horrible had happened, we feared the worst," Kouga felt a little guilty about excluding details, but there was enough truth in his statement to not be entirely false. He had looked, and he did spend several years doing so, and he wasn't alone either.
Those weren't exactly pleasant memories, and Kouga had begun to tremble a little, which was entirely unlike who he had become. He had gotten better at conquering his emotions, it had been absolutely vital to survival once those dear to him had started dying; but in the presence of quiet, wavering Kagome, everything rushed back to meet him from the chasm he'd beat it back into.
Her small touch on his hand surprised him, and when he looked at her wavering blue eyes, he could see various emotions swaying in her depths.
In that instant of utter invulnerability on both of their behalfs, Kouga gathered her into his arms and sought the one thing he'd been craving ever since she'd disappeared and then later come back from the dead. Comfort.
Kouga buried his nose in her hair and breathed deeply, trying to resist the swirl of emotions that pricked at his eyes, only barely holding out. In that embrace and what it healed for him, Kouga realized that she had become part of his pack, if only by extension, and that he had craved assurances of her safety and reality more than anything else. She was safe, he exulted, not quite caring who saw his rather emotional display on the rock beside the lake.
Ah, finally! A Kouga who isn't part blood-male! It's taken me a long while to do that, and hopefully even if you don't understand the reference, you can recognize that in this chapter Kouga is more like himself. If I'm still missing something, please please please include that in your review as well as a suggestion for Miroku's fate. Even if you only spare a few words ("Kouga's emotions are still a little strange, and bring Miroku back for good!") that'll give me some sort of direction to take for the story and my characterization practices!
~YaslanaGirl
p.s. - Thanks to my wonderful friend and editor-when-I-let-her for helping me with this chapter. We've both been through a rough spot with finals and getting sick, and healing, I'm grateful that we can be there for each other.