A/N: So it's been a bit longer than usual since the last update, but that's because it's a monster chapter that ran away with itself. It's also written better, thank bejeebus. This installment officially breaks 50k words for this story!

Also, there's a significant author's note at the end of this chapter, so check it out.

Much love to my DeeDee. He poured over this chapter and lets me storyspam him all the time. Best beta/friend EVER. I have entitled this chapter "What Do You Mean It's Not Symbolic?" in honor of him. It's appropriate. You'll see why.

The bark was rough against Sakura's back where her shirt had been torn open. The man who had her pinned to a tree was feeling down her torso in a purposefully meandering search for hidden weapons. Somewhere, Ino was screaming Sakura's name over and over again, high, keening, and desperate.

Sakura's struggled renewed and she broke free just enough to touch the tip of a single finger to the man's wrist. He bellowed in pain and dropped her, clutching his seemingly unharmed wrist to his chest.

"You bitch!" he snarled. "I ought to –"

Sakura didn't give him the chance to finish his sentence before burying her fist in his cranium. She barely registered the sickening crunch as she pushed past his nose and out the back of his skull. With Sakura's arm still extended, the corpse crumpled to the ground, most of his head blown apart in what appeared to be an explosion. Only one mandible remained, flapping uselessly as he fell. A second later, the top of his skull landed somewhere across the clearing.

Sakura was covered in blood and splattered brain matter, but in that moment, it mattered very little to her. "Ino!" she called, looking around frantically.

"She's off to your left!" Tenten shouted from above, engaged in her own treetop battle.

Sakura rushed off to help Ino but found herself in a hospital room instead. There was a sleeping man on the bed and blood staining the sheet under his legs, so much blood that some was leaking onto the floor.

A nurse three times Sakura's age was screaming. "Haruno Sakura, you have to tell us how to treat him before he bleeds out!"

"Where is Shizune?" Sakura said, frozen to the spot.

"Shizune-san isn't here. This is your patient. You have to do something or he will die! He's bleeding from his rectum."

Sakura still couldn't move. "There has to be internal bleeding somewhere."

"Your diagnosis didn't include internal bleeding." The nurse got behind Sakura and roughly pushed her towards the bed. "Help him!"

Sakura pitched forward and almost fell when she slipped on something; belatedly, she realised it was her patient's blood. "My diagnosis was wrong," Sakura rasped, staring down at his pallid face.

"Sakura-san!" snapped the nurse again. "He's still haemorrhaging."

Drawing in a shaky breath, Sakura squared her feet and fired up her palms with healing chakra. "Okay, let's isolate the bleed."

The machines attached to the patient started screeching all at once. "He's going into cardiac arrest," yelled the nurse out into the hallway. "We need some help in here!"

"I could use a little help," snapped Anko, as irritable as ever. "Your little girlfriend is catatonic again." She was hauling Ino through the door of the hospital room, and Ino's stumbles and glassy eyes told Sakura all she needed to know.

But Sakura was confused. Ino had never interrupted her during a medical emergency; the haemorrhaging man had died....

Sakura was out in the woods again, protecting a couple of towns in Fire Country from bandits that had recently grown bold. The reason turned out to be they had bolstered their numbers with a good amount of talented fighters, some of them missing nin, and neutralizing the group was more of a challenge than originally predicted.

When Sakura finally spotted Ino, she saw that a number of the enemy were circling her. On all fours, Ino bared her teeth savagely whenever one of the men got close. Her mouth was bloody, with more blood smeared across her chin and neck, suggesting she'd bitten a chunk out of someone. Ino's left breast was exposed and hanging as she crouched low, someone's blade having sliced her uniform, bindings, and part of her flesh, but she showed no awareness or concern.

The sight of Ino like that broke something in Sakura's chest she hadn't known existed. Sakura was running to reach her but wasn't fast enough. One of the men darted in close, but instead of attacking, he gave a quick fondle to Ino's bared breast. Ino began shrieking as if she were a mortally wounded animal and curled up into the fetal position. As the surrounding men laughed, the perpetrator kicked Ino in the ribs with a malicious sneer.

Before anyone else could touch Ino, half the men were down, three with weapons and two by Sakura's fists. The rest reacted quickly to the new threat, assembling in a battle formation. Sakura didn't care; it didn't matter what tricks they pulled. They would all die.

And then the assault began. Sakura felt a hand touch her shoulder and used the enemy's momentum to flip him. She formed her chakra in a sharp blade in order to end it quickly –

"Sakura! Sakura, please stop. You're hurting me. Sakura, it's only me! Please, don't –"

Sakura's vision cleared. She wasn't in the forest. She wasn't about to kill an enemy. She had her own mother pinned to the bedroom floor, chakra blade poised at her unprotected throat.

Her mother's eyes, the same shape as Sakura's own but bluer in hue, were wide with fear and brimming with unshed tears. "Sakura," she whispered. "Please...."

Slowly rolling off her mother, Sakura looked around; food was strewn across the room and there was a broken tray on the ground. Clearly her mother had tried to bring Sakura breakfast in bed, a nice gesture of the sort she hadn't shown initiative for in quite a while. She almost paid for it with her life.

It hit Sakura all at once. Her chest constricted from the knowledge of what she had almost done. She burst into tears.

Her mother crawled over and gathered her in a hug. "It's okay. It's going to be all right. I'm not hurt."

Sakura took comfort in her mother's soothing whispers as she cried out all the unspent emotion she'd been bottling up lately. Sobs wracked her body as she clutched her mother, probably a little too tightly, but her mother wasn't complaining. Eventually, the tears stopped and her breath came in gradually less hysteric shudders.

"That must have been some nightmare, Sakura-chan," her mother teased, working the tangles out of Sakura's hair with her fingers.

"Who needs nightmares when you have memories?" Sakura said without thinking, still feeling jumbled and spiteful in the aftermath of her dream.

Sakura's mother tensed and pulled away, unable to meet Sakura's eyes.

"I'm sorry I ruined your breakfast," said Sakura, but it did little to assuage the guilt that had little to do with wasted food. "I'm sure it would have been really nice."

"I can make another." Sakura's mother affected a smile as she stood and extended a hand to help pull her daughter up.

They went downstairs, chatting easily as they made themselves breakfast. Sakura was relegated to tasks such as, "Pass me three eggs."

"I wish I could cook like you," Sakura said with a wistful sigh. "Everyone's always telling me what a great cook you are and then giving me this dirty look. I feel like all of your friends talk about me behind my back. 'That Haruno Riko's daughter, well, doesn't she take after her father,' or something like that."

Sakura's mother laughed. "All my friends, huh? And who would they be? It's true you're a terrible cook, but even your father wasn't so bad. I don't understand it myself. Lord knows I tried to teach you."

Sakura crossed her eyes and made a silly face. "I know. I'm a bad kunoichi, I guess."

"Why do you say that?" Riko frowned while she flipped the French toast in the pan. "Most kunoichi eat out, just like you do when I'm not around."

Sakura diverted her gaze by turning around to grab the butter. "It's just that we covered cooking in the Academy. Those were the only tests I ever failed."

"You'll get the hang of it one day. No one ever gets good until she has a family anyway." Sakura's mother placed two full plates on the table.

Sakura raised a skeptical eyebrow as they sat down together. "You really think I'll have a –" She shook her head. "Never mind. Are you going over to the Akimichi house after this, then?"

Sakura's mother's face soured. "Well, she can't come over here, so I suppose I have to."

"Oh, come on, Mom. This is so old. Chouji's mom is a civilian. If you want her over here, she has to have a seal to get in."

"Practically everyone I know is a civilian, Sakura. No one wants to let you put permanent seals on their bodies! That's extreme. I don't understand why only civilians need seals, anyway."

"Well, excuse me for looking out for our safety," Sakura sniped, tearing into a piece of French toast with a bit more gusto than necessary. "And civilians need body seals because they don't have chakra signatures that I can register with the security seals I made. We've been through this. Besides, Akimichi house is a lot closer to the Nara estate so I don't understand why it's even an issue."

"But our kitchen is better equipped." Sakura's mother's frown deepened as she chewed.

Sakura looked around. She left her mother in charge of purchasing for the kitchen. The appliances were good quality but sparse; there were large gaps in the counters for appliances her mother wanted but didn't own yet. "Really? But aren't the Akimichi all about food?"

Sakura's mother sniffed. "Yes, but they're more quantity over quality."

"Are you and Chouji's mom going to be okay cooking together for the whole party?" Sakura giggled. "Or are you going to sabotage her food?"

"I'm very professional, Sakura," said her mother with her nose lifted haughtily. "I can work with anyone, even someone who thinks it's acceptable to serve only meat at dinner – and overcooks it at that."

Sakura laughed. "You're in fine fettle today, Mom. It's nice."

"Is it really so rare?" The corners of Riko's mouth quirked in a wry smirk.

Before Sakura could answer, she was distracted by the sound of the front door opening and shutting. Her muscles tensed instinctually then forcibly relaxed. There was a reason Sakura took precautions with her home.

"Sakura!" called a feminine voice, dragging out her name playfully. "Are you ready to go?"

"You're early." Sakura continued to eat her breakfast without turning around, letting her senses tell her Ino was leaning on the doorjamb behind her.

"I'm not that early. You're not even dressed, Forehead. Oh, hi, Haruno-san. You look nice today."

"Thank you. There's enough for you, too, Ino," Sakura's mother said, gesturing at an empty chair.

"Thanks." Ino had no problem locating a plate and seating herself, being familiar with the layout of Sakura's house. "Oh, gross, Forehead. Your eyes are all puffy! When breakfast is over, we have to go upstairs and fix that. You can't look a mess for my party."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Just shut up and eat, Pig."

Sakura and Ino were standing abreast in front of a modest house in the shinobi district. Ino elbowed Sakura in the ribs.

"You knock."

"No, you, Pig. I hardly even know her."

"Well, I'm not close to her either, Forehead!"

"This whole thing was your idea."

"Fine." With a resigned sigh, Ino lifted a manicured hand to knock at the door.

After a moment, the door swung open to reveal Kurenai with a baby on her hip. "Hi, girls. Come on in."

Kurenai led them through the small main room, cluttered with all the accoutrements of life with a small child. "To the left is my bedroom," Kurenai said, kicking a toy aside to clear a path to the kitchen. "Her crib is in there if she needs a nap later."

"I hope you don't mind if I work a little while we talk," Kurenai said as she put Masako in her high chair and set some cereal on the plastic tray, "but if I give her a snack now, she shouldn't need a meal until I get home."

"No, that's quite nice of you," assured Sakura. "Thanks. Neither of us know a lot about babies, really."

Kurenai laughed, voice deep and rich, and turned to do some dishes. "I figured. Everyone's got to start somewhere. Next time, you can feed her. Now, what is it you wanted to talk about? I assume it's about the party tonight."

Ino and Sakura exchanged glances.

"Actually," Ino said, "it's not that. There's not much to say about that that hasn't been said. Shikamaru and I decided to have a joint birthday party –"

Sakura cleared her throat.

"Fine, I decided we'd have a joint birthday party, otherwise he'd never celebrate anything, the lazy lout. Anyway, more importantly, it's a party to honor Asuma-sensei."

It was Sakura's turn to elbow Ino in the ribs. "Stop hedging, Ino. She knows already. That's why she's getting her hair done and everything and we're babysitting Masako. Get on with it."

Ino fidgeted, inspecting her perfect cuticles and clearing her throat. "Do you know about.... You know about me, right, Kurenai-sensei?"

"What about you?" Kurenai's voice was carefully tempered.

"Well, I think you're aware of my line of work," Ino said.

"You're an espionage specialist. I hear your information gathering skills are exceptional."

Ino laughed, voice harsh. "Information gathering skills.... You could call them that, I suppose. I call them tits and ass."

Kurenai dropped the plate she was holding, but fortunately it didn't break. "Ino!" she hissed, scandalized.

With a glance towards Masako, who was banging her bottle against the high chair and gurgling happily, Ino muttered, "Sorry. My point is that I'm pegged for a particular type of mission, and I can't ... I don't handle it well, because of –" Ino's words died in her throat and she turned her pleading blue eyes to Sakura.

"What Ino's trying to say is that just because she's good at it doesn't mean she likes it. She hates it. We're trying to put an end to those assignments for her, but that's a complicated process."

Without facing them, Kurenai began to dry her dishes. "What does this have to do with me?" Her voice was wary.

"We're working on something new," Sakura said. "The higher-ups are quick to turn to sexual exploitation for recon, but why should someone like Ino have to go through with it?"

Kurenai's towel halted mid-swipe. "We've all done it at some time or another. Ino's not special just because she has to do it more often. You'd rather we risked a whole squad to achieve what one kunoichi can do alone?"

Sakura frowned. "You're missing the point. What we're saying is why does anyone actually have to have sex with the target? It's only important that the target lets down his guard, right?"

Kurenai set down the plate and turned to them. "Where are you going with this?"

Ino spoke, having gathered her nerve again. "I've done enough of these missions to know when information comes out, and let me tell you, it's not mid-coitus. The target only needs to think we've had or will have sex. You're the best genjutsu master in Konoha, Kurenai-sensei. I need you to tell me how to make a man think I've had sex with him when I haven't."

Kurenai looked interested in spite of herself, her red eyes sparkling. "That would be a very complex jutsu, if it's even possible. You'd need something to simulate the physiological effects if it's going to be convincing."

"I'll take care of that end," Sakura said. "There are a number of poisons that can simulate the effects of sex, if I dilute them enough. Experimentation needs to be done, but I know it's plausible."

Kurenai tapped her lips with an index finger. "My specialty is battle genjutsu, though. Deep psychological jutsu are more of a Yamanaka thing."

Ino sighed. "Don't you think I know that? Ideally, Sakura and I could do this ourselves, but neither of us even knows that many genjutsu. We've never created any of our own and we don't know how to go about it. We could really use your help with this, Kurenai-sensei."

"I don't know, girls," Kurenai said, wiping Masako's face where she'd smashed cereal into her cheeks. "Don't think I'm not aware that your little experiments tend to be dangerous. Technically, I'm a civilian now. I can't afford to get into hot water with the Hokage. He could force me back into active duty if I'm not careful, and what will Masako do if I die?"

"But this isn't dangerous at all! Not for you," Ino protested.

"Just like you thought inoculating yourself against truth serum would be safe? I heard that you both almost died in that debacle. I always wondered why you did it, but I guess I know now...."

Sakura's cheeks felt as hot as Ino's looked, but she ignored Kurenai's barb and pressed on. "There isn't any risk in this for you. There's no risk for anyone until we start testing it in the field."

"Which you'll do without approval or consent from your leaders, I assume," Kurenai said.

"We'll never get approval. We'll have to prove it works first so that they don't have any excuse to deny us consent." Sakura met Kurenai's eyes steadily, endeavoring to show how deadly serious they were about this.

"It's not smart for me to associate with someone so casual about breaking the rules we base our way of life on," Kurenai said, looking away. "If things go wrong, you'll blow a mission to attain vital information and it could cost us all. The line between insubordination and treason is thinner than you'd think."

Ino was wavering. Sakura could tell by the way she wouldn't look at either of them, instead picking at her cuticles again. Sakura cursed Kurenai for throwing around words like "treason" to try to scare them out of this.

"We only need someone to guide us overall, but if you won't do it, we'll go it alone," Sakura said, face stony.

"Don't be stupid," snapped Kurenai. "Even with a Yamanaka on board, that's what's dangerous. You two don't know what you're doing. If you go into this blindly you could do serious damage to someone, most likely yourselves."

"Well, that's why we came to you, obviously," Ino said, some impatience surfacing. "We want this kept quiet anyway, but we'll ensure your involvement is minimal, if you help us. Even if one of us is caught out, we'll keep your name out of it."

"Shinobi affairs aren't really my priority anymore. It's just not prudent for me to become involved in something like this."

Ino's jaw jutted out stubbornly. "Fine. It's getting late. Aren't you due at the salon soon?"

Kurenai hesitated, her red-ringed eyes trained on Ino. "Don't think I'm unsympathetic. I know you don't have anyone else to go to for this. You were Asuma's student and he's gone now. Nobody gives out jutsu for free...."

Ino and Sakura said nothing, only exchanged glances. Had they cracked her?

"If you need help, Ino, you can come to me," Kurenai finally said. "Asuma's responsibilities are mine now."

Ino gaped in incredulity. "Isn't that what I just did?"

"That's my answer."

"So you'll help us?" Ino smiled brightly.

"I'll help you, Ino. No offense, Sakura, but I owe you nothing. Your sensei was still alive as of two nights ago because he was at the bar with Genma-san, Raidou-san, me, and the rest of them. Kakashi-san's quite accomplished with genjutsu himself."

"But I can't do this alone! I barely know anything about illusions. Sakura studied them at least a little with Tsunade-sama. I've never even...." Ino turned to Sakura, panic clouding her eyes.

Sakura reached over and put a hand on Ino's arm, giving a little squeeze for reassurance. "We do this together or not at all, if that's what you want, Ino. But you can do it without me. Your chakra control is easily good enough for genjutsu. We can deal with the physiological parts later."

"Thanks," Ino whispered, but Sakura could tell by her weary voice that she had given up. "I can't do it without you, though. It would take too long, for me alone." Ino's lip began to wobble, but she bit it hard enough to break the skin to prevent a crying jag.

Looking uncomfortable, Kurenai stood. "I'll be late if I don't go now. Thanks for sitting." After kissing Masako goodbye, Kurenai swept out of the room. She looked back and said, "If you change your mind, Ino, let me know."

When the front door slammed, Sakura turned to Ino, who was distracting herself by playing peek-a-boo with Masako. "Ino, look at me."

Ino covered her face under the guise of the game. "Why? My idea was stupid. We can't make a genjutsu realistic enough for field use. What was I thinking?"

"Your idea wasn't stupid, and this isn't over."

Ino parted her hands and made a silly face at the baby, who giggled. "It's over. She won't do it. Maybe Kakashi-sensei will, though? He doesn't seem the type. I'd be scared to approach him about it. I know he's your sensei, but...."

Sakura scoffed. "He never taught me a jutsu when he was my sensei. It doesn't matter, though, because Kurenai will do it. Didn't you hear her?"

Ino sat up and turned to Sakura, a frown marring her beautiful face. "What do you mean?"

"She said, 'No one gives out jutsu for free.' She's right, but that goes without saying. Her mentioning it means she has a price, even if she doesn't realise it."

Ino's eyes, the color of a clear summer sky, lit in sudden comprehension.

Sakura grinned deviously. "All we need is an angle."

Sakura put a lot of effort into not thinking about the closet or why she was sitting on the floor of it right now. She drew her knees up to her chest, running her fingers up and down her bare legs as a means of distraction.

Damn. She'd missed a spot shaving. Even though her leg hair was fine and blonde, she immediately imagined twenty different people noticing. Sakura flared up a fingertip with chakra as sharp as a knife and ran it carefully along the curve of her calf. It was dark, though, and she nicked herself.

"Shit." Sakura pressed a glowing palm against the cut on her leg, healing it without thought. Shizune would scold her for wasting chakra on something so frivolous, or she would normally. Tonight, though, she seemed so happy and carefree as she got a little tipsy and flirted with available men. Perhaps it was the dress that gave her such unusual confidence. For the special occasion, Shizune donned a silky black dress just barely brushing her knees. Though the squared neckline was modest, the dress itself was more daring than anything Sakura had seen Shizune wear before.

Shizune looked beautiful, but not as beautiful as Ino did in her little dress of rusted orange and gold. The thought of it made Sakura sick to her stomach.

They'd been getting ready in one of the Nara guest rooms when it happened. Sakura put on her dress. The soft, flexible material was a deep bottle green. The halter top plunged towards a black belt that wrapped around her waist and the skirt ended mid-thigh. The most remarkable thing about the dress was that it left her back completely bare. It was more revealing than anything she ever dreamed of wearing, and she never would have if not for Ino.

Nice clothing was hard to come by in the post-destruction Konoha. Anything not immediately necessary for survival or shinobi function wasn't priority in the reconstruction. Even the restaurants were slow to re-open, and many still had not. Ino had had Sakura out searching for perfect party dresses for a long time, but with the lack of resources, it was hardly surprising it had taken almost a month of shopping for Ino to spot the green dress.

Sakura had only bought it because of the way Ino's eyes lit up after seeing Sakura in it. Ino had always taken a perverse delight in shoving Sakura out of her comfort zone; at first, Sakura balked, but Ino pouted.

"Come on, Forehead. You look great in it and it's not like we'll find anything better!" she'd said, and Sakura had to agree that nothing else they'd found had been remotely attractive. "Please? I've got to look good for my own party and I don't know if I can dress up without moral support." Ino stuck out her quivering lip in such a way that Sakura knew it was an exaggeration. Still, though, Ino was hard-pressed to brush her hair lately, and seeing her so excited about dressing up, it was almost like she was really Ino again....

Sakura caved. That's how she'd ended up behind a dressing screen, staring down at herself and hardly believing all the skin she saw.

"Come on, Forehead!" Ino called. "The dress isn't going to sprout new material if you glare at it."

Sakura scowled. "I was adjusting it so my scar didn't show," she lied, but twisted around to make sure it really wasn't showing.

"Yeah, sure. Now come out and look at my dress! It was such a good find on Tenten's part." Sakura frowned. She and Ino had fallen out before they found a dress for Ino, so apparently Tenten had filled in.

Sakura stepped out from behind the screen and looked around for Ino, who was leaning towards a mirror to adjust her makeup.

Sakura's heart stopped in her chest. From behind, though Ino's hair was shorter, she looked exactly like Kitagawa Mirei. It took Sakura a minute to figure out why, until she looked more closely at the cocktail dress Ino was wearing.

It was Mirei's dress. The realization winded Sakura like a knee to the gut. In hindsight, she should have seen it coming. She fenced a nice dress at a time when everyone was scrambling for one. Someone was bound to buy it. But did it have to be Ino?

Sakura was startled out of wallowing in self-pity with a sudden rattling noise. Someone was knocking on the closet door.

"Sakura, what is going on with you?" It was Ino, and her voice was clipped in annoyance. "You've been weird all night. Everyone saw you run off, you know. People are asking me where you are and I don't know what to tell them. Will you please come out?"

"I just need some time."

Ino sighed, and Sakura could hear a slight tapping noise, probably an impatient foot. "It's been almost an hour."

"I'll be down soon." Sakura had to fight back tears. Ino would never forgive her if she ruined her makeup crying. "I'm sorry."

A pause. "I just wish you would tell me what's wrong, Sakura. That's all."

Sakura didn't reply, and after a time, she heard Ino exit and go back downstairs. With a relieved sigh, Sakura leaned back against the wall, the wood cool against her bare back. She had just begun to relax when another familiar voice disturbed her.

"Sakura-chan, Ino says you're hiding in a closet. Why?"

"I just needed to be alone for a little while, Naruto."

"But there's a party downstairs! There are people and they're all happy and it's nice but it would be nicer if you were there and –"

Naruto could prattle on a bit in the right circumstances, but Sakura couldn't miss how his words were slurred together. "Naruto, are you drunk?"

He chuckled sheepishly from outside the door. "Maybe a little. Kiba said I couldn't out drink him because I have no practice, but I showed him!"

"Good. I'm glad," she said with a weak smile, though he couldn't see it. "If you go downstairs, I bet Hinata will be really impressed with your victory."

"Okay. See you later, Sakura-chan," Naruto crowed cheerfully.

When he stumbled from the room, she gave herself to the relative silence. The party going on beneath her was quite loud, with over one hundred guests, but voices only occasionally stuck out of the texture. The low murmur was quite peaceful, actually....

Sakura must have dozed off, because she awoke to someone softly calling her name.

"Sakura-san?"

"Lee-san?" she asked, surprised. "Did Ino send you?"

"No. I was just worried about you."

"I'm fine, Lee-san. Thanks, though."

He startled her by sliding open the closet door without any pre-amble. Sakura blinked, eyes readjusting to the light. She almost smiled upon seeing Lee devoid of his usual jumpsuit. He was in traditional clothing, a man's kimono and hakama, and even though he wore his sleeves extra long to hide his scarred hands, he looked quite nice.

"You're not fine, Sakura-san. You're hiding in a closet."

Her cheeks flushed and she looked away. "I just – I was only –"

Lee stepped into the closet, sat down next to her, and closed the door. He said nothing.

After a minute, Sakura said, "Aren't you going to ask me why I'm in here?"

"No. Perhaps you just don't like parties. I don't. Everyone down there is drunk except for me, it seems like. Even Gai-sensei."

"Oh, that's right. You can't drink," Sakura murmured, looking at him through the darkness. "But why are you in the closet?"

"I'm in the closet because Sakura-san is in the closet."

Sakura giggled. "That doesn't make any sense, Lee-san."

He shrugged. "I thought you might like some company, that's all."

They sat for awhile in pleasant silence. Eventually, Sakura said, "I think I'm done with the closet now. Would you like to come downstairs with me?"

Lee gallantly helped her up and walked her down the stairs. When they reached the party once more, they were quickly waylaid by Aoba and Raidou, who between them supported a drunken Gai, clad similarly to Lee.

"You've got to take him home, kid," slurred Raidou. "He's going to start crying soon and it'll just kill the mood."

"He's your dad or something, right?" said Aoba, a little dazed.

"I would be honored to be Lee's father!" Gai cried, lurching forward to latch onto Lee. "It is my greatest sorrow that I can only serve as his teacher."

Even Lee looked a little stunned by this admission as he staggered under his teacher's weight. Unimpressed, Raidou and Aoba slunk away.

"I would be honored to be Gai-sensei's son," Lee grunted, tears gathering in his large eyes. He turned to Sakura. "It seems that Gai-sensei requires some assistance. I regret that I cannot stay with Sakura-san, but if there is anything I can do in penance—"

"No laps!" Sakura grinned as an idea came to her. "I just want one thing."

"Anything, Sakura-san."

"I want you to stop calling me Sakura-san."

"But what shall I call you?" He stumbled and was forced to put his arms around Gai's waist to keep them both upright.

"We're friends, so I think you should just call me Sakura. I'll call you Lee."

Lee looked at her, eyes wide. "I ... I am honoured to be counted among Sakura's friends."

"You have been for a long time, Lee." Recalling her conversation with Kakashi-sensei about friends, Sakura felt a twinge of guilt. The truth was that she often overlooked Lee. Everyone did.

Gai burst out into noisy tears. "Oh, the beauty of young love! May your flame shine brightly as your love flowers."

Lee's face grew so red Sakura feared he might actually faint. She giggled. "You better get him home, Lee. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Sakura," he mumbled and then practically fled, towing Gai with him as he fought through the throng.

"Sakura!" a voice called and she looked around to see Shizune waving as she approached. "Want to play Ocho-Kabu with me in the other room?"
"Are you dealing?"

"Naturally."

"Sorry, Shizune. I don't want you to steal all my money."

"Aw, but Sakura-chan, we could really get a racket going between us!"

"I thought your policy was never to take advantage of people who don't know what they're getting in to," Sakura laughed, enjoying a tipsy Shizune.

"But you hate that policy." Shizune pouted, sticking out her lower lip. "You say that's what gambling's all about, remember?"

"I'm not in the mood tonight. Round up some other suckers."

Shizune sighed and shoved her own sake bottle into Sakura's hands. "Here, start having fun!" she trilled before dancing away.

Sakura smiled. When Shizune was gone, Sakura said, "Tsunade-shishou would have been proud." To remind Shizune to her face would have wiped the grin off of it, and Sakura didn't want that.

Finishing off what was left of the sake, Sakura moved into the central space, which was enlarged and re-arranged as much as was possible to suit the party. A makeshift bar was to the left and Sakura moved towards it. She was determined to enjoy the rest of her night to make it up to Ino somehow.

A few familiar faces seemed to have had the same idea. "Hey, Sakura," Tenten said as Sakura ordered a bottle of the fine sake she had made sure would be available. "Nice to see you."

Neji and Shino's nods of acknowledgement came almost simultaneously and Sakura had to bite back a giggle. Trust those two not to use words when caveman gestures would do. Sometimes she wondered why they weren't better friends.

Kiba interrupted her musings. "Yeah, where were you earlier?" He put his arm roughly around a tiny girl with long, sandy gold tresses and breasts that spilled out of the top of her dress. "Anyway, this is my girl Daigo Arisu. Arisu, meet Haruno Sakura."

Arisu let out a horrid sound that Sakura could only describe as a snurk but thought was probably meant to be a girlish laugh. "Kiba, you never told me you knew Haruno Sakura-san!" Arisu simpered, voice breathy and words laden with alcohol.

"Well, of course I do," he said, looking at Sakura in confusion, who shrugged. "I went to school with her, didn't I?"

Arisu squealed and pressed up against him. "You should have said you went to school with somebody famous!"

At that, Sakura actually dropped her sake cup, which was thankfully empty. After she retrieved it, she said, "I think you must be mixing me up with someone else, Arisu-san. I'm hardly famous."

"Oh, no, Sakura-san. You're the Godaime Hokage's apprentice. You're Hatake Kakashi's student, and everyone says he was almost Hokage. You're Uzumaki Naruto's teammate! He's so cute." Then something dawned on Arisu, lighting her green eyes. "Oh my God, Kiba, does that mean you went to school with Uzumaki Naruto?" She hit him on the shoulder lightly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Kiba's face was pulled into a sour expression, as if he'd just bitten into a lemon. Sakura could feel her own features distort similarly. If she was famous at all, it was in name only, because of names. Haruno Sakura, famous by association. Nobody even recognised her in the streets of Konoha, let alone outside of it. Famous. What a joke.

"Yeah, I went to school with him, all right," Kiba spat. "If you suck up to Sakura a little more, maybe she'll introduce you to him."

Arisu tried for a sultry pout. "Aw, don't be sore, Kiba. I like that you know famous people. It only makes you sexier."

Seemingly placated, Kiba allowed Arisu to kiss him. Sakura looked away as they deepened the kiss, feeling vaguely nauseated. She caught Tenten's gaze and rolled her eyes. In return, Tenten smiled.

As usual, nothing ruffled Shino's calm countenance. He just sipped his drink peacefully. Neji, on the other hand, was glaring daggers at Arisu as if she'd offended him gravely.

Before things could get too awkward, a chuunin that Sakura only dimly recognized dragged his girlfriend right through the middle of their group.

Breaking apart from Arisu, Kiba called, "Hey, Saburou, do yourself a favour and take someone else home. That girl's a biter in the worst way possible, if you know what I mean."

The girl, cheeks alight with liquor and probably embarrassment, turned to Kiba with a venomous look on her face. "Go fuck yourself, Inuzuka. With something so small, I wouldn't call it biting. More like nibbling," she said, before grabbing her boyfriend's arm and stalking away. Saburou followed along somewhat reluctantly, giving her a dubious once-over.

"One has to wonder if there is anyone in the room you haven't slept with," Shino said, voice as even as ever.

"Sure there is. I ain't slept with you yet, right, Shino?" Kiba snickered and took a gulp of his beer.

Shino only shrugged. Arisu, unsure of how to take this, took the opportunity to excuse herself to "go powder her nose". She looked at Sakura expectantly but Sakura pretended she didn't understand the implication.

"You're really dating her?" Tenten said, staring after Arisu as she stumbled off in pursuit of a toilet.

Kiba frowned. "What's wrong with her?"

At this, Sakura had to laugh. "She's a moron, that's what's wrong with her. Not to mention a slut."

Staring at Sakura with a blank expression on his face, Kiba said, "So?"

Sakura's jaw gaped at this frank admission, but Tenten's next statement threw her off track.

"I actually meant more that she's a civilian."

"So?" Kiba said again.

"So what's wrong with kunoichi?" Tenten demanded.

A lazy smile spread over Kiba's face, his enlarged canines peeking out of his lips. "Are you coming on to me? That's hot."

"No, you idiot!" Tenten's normally placid eyes were now blazing with fury. "I just don't understand why shinobi men always seek out civilian women. It's stupid. Don't they want someone strong enough to be a real partner?"

Sakura couldn't help but notice Neji was struggling to maintain his disinterested facade. His shoulders hunched with tension and his sake cup shook in his hand.

"I hate to break it to you, Tenten, but ass kicking's not really what a man looks for in a woman," Kiba said, taking another drag of his drink. "Though it can be hot in the right circumstances...." he mused, looking contemplative.

"My fiancé is a civilian. Why? A civilian is most suited to a shinobi's long-term needs," Shino said, tone of voice matter-of-fact. "It is unwise to enter into a union with a woman who is absent just as often as the man is."

Tenten leaned forward, hands toying at her kimono in the places where her weapons pouches would normally lie. "So a shinobi needs a little wife at home to do the housecleaning while he's out on missions, is that it?"

Neji set down his drink on the bar with a thump. "You are mistaken, Tenten. It is improper for a man to become involved with a woman likely to leave behind a motherless child."

Tenten's face crumpled and she turned away to compose herself. Sakura set down her own drink, glaring at Neji's stony visage. "Civilian women die in childbirth, or of illness or accident, just as easily as kunoichi," Sakura said, schooling her features. "That's a pretty close-minded way to think."

Kiba seemed a little bewildered, looking back and forth between the tense "friends". "Geez, everyone's so uptight.... This is supposed to be a party."

"Why don't we go powder our noses, Tenten?" Sakura said, and without a further word, they swept away.

"I'm sorry for getting so worked up," Tenten whispered as they made their way through the crowd. "I think I'm just going to go home now."

Sakura continued walking with Tenten. "Don't worry about it. We've all had a little too much to drink, I think. He's definitely in denial, by the way."

Tenten sighed. "I used to think so. But the longer this goes on, the more I think that even if he is interested in me, he'll never act on it. He's made up his mind and that's that. Neji always was stubborn."

"I think it's a Team Gai thing. You're all like that," Sakura teased as they reached the front door.

"Oh?" Tenten said, raising a skeptical brow. "And here I thought Team Kakashi had that market cornered."

They giggled, then sobered. "Naruto broke him once," Sakura said quietly. "It's your turn next."

Tenten averted her gaze. "Maybe. Goodnight, Sakura," she said, and opened the door to leave.

Unexpectedly, Kakashi was waiting outside the door as if he had been about to walk in but was stalling. "Hello, ladies," he said, eye crinkling in a smile. "Lovely evening, isn't it?"

"I could have sworn I saw you earlier," Sakura said, eyeing him suspiciously. True to form, she spotted a green corner sticking out his weapons pouch – for he had eschewed formal wear in lieu of his normal shinobi gear. "I knew it! You snuck out here to read Icha Icha, didn't you?"

Ignoring her question, he peered over her shoulder. "Has Gai passed out yet? Is it safe?"

Tenten huffed in irritation. "Why are our teachers so immature? Grow up!" she snapped, before pushing past Kakashi and quickly disappearing into the darkness.

Sakura stared after Tenten's retreating form, feeling sorry for her. Neji was really doing a number on her.

Kakashi was unconcerned about Tenten's outburst. "Seriously, has he? I lost a bet."

Sakura sighed. "Yes. Lee took him home already."

"Excellent," Kakashi said, absently reaching over to pat Sakura on the head as he passed. Instinctively, she moved out of range. Kakashi frowned. "Still mad at me, I see."

"Get over yourself," Sakura said, rolling her eyes. "Seriously. I didn't curl my hair for you to mess it up, that's all."

He searched her face for a minute, but shrugged and said, "I'm kind of peckish. Where's the food in this joint?"

"Back in the kitchen. Follow me." She threaded through the crowd, knowing he would rather follow along than ask anyone else. Besides, she ought to check on her mother.

Eventually, they reached a door that Sakura slid open to reveal a dimly lit hallway. "That doesn't look open to the public," Kakashi said, reproach in his voice. "I'm not sure the Nara clan would appreciate—"

Sakura cut him off and ushered him inside. "I'm not the public, and it's just a shortcut to the kitchen. This is a big house. One of the only ones to survive the invasion, you know, because it's so far out in the forest."

They continued on down the hallway without a further word until Kakashi broke the silence. "I was just trying to help. The other night, I mean."

Sakura sighed, annoyed that he brought it up. "I know. I never properly thanked you, so ... thanks, I guess."

"Look, I don't know what you were expecting, coming to me like that," Kakashi said, harshness creeping into his voice, "but there's no reason to avoid me –"

Sakura stopped in her tracks and whirled around to face him. "Avoid you? Who says I'm avoiding you?"

"It's no secret that you hid in the closet for most of the night—"

"And you honestly think that had anything to do with you?"

Kakashi crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, didn't it?"

"Would you really care if it had? That's pretty rich, coming from the emperor of evasion himself."

"I didn't do anything you didn't ask me to do, even if you changed your mind afterwards—"

"Oh, are we role playing now? I'm sorry to say but I'm not sure you're good looking enough to play Dai's part."

Even through his mask, Sakura could see the way Kakashi's jaw clenched as he ground his teeth. "You're being unreasonable."

"Well, you're being conceited! I'll admit that the other night wasn't exactly my finest hour and I overreacted, but the only one holding a grudge is you. You and your mask and your stupid inability to communicate were the last things on my mind while I was hiding in a closet at my best friend's birthday party, I can assure you."

Someone behind them cleared her throat; the unexpectedness of the sound almost made Sakura jump. Further up the hallway, Sakura's mother stood holding a tray of finger food. Her teal eyes were open wide and her mouth was forming a little "o" of surprise.

"How long were you there?" Sakura asked, fidgeting awkwardly. She glared at Kakashi as if it was his fault, and truthfully, he was the jounin. Getting caught up in an argument shouldn't have been an excuse for either of them to drop their guards.

"You were hiding in a closet, Sakura? Was it the nightmares? I know you said they're nothing, but.... I may not be educated like you, but I know when something's not right."

Sakura could feel Kakashi's eye boring a hole into the back of her skull. "Shit, Mom. Do you have to go spilling my business like that? Do I do that to you?"

Riko's ears flared red in embarrassment. "Sorry, Sakura-chan. I'm your mother. When I hear things like my daughter is hiding in a closet, I worry." Seemingly mustering her confidence, she added, "And watch your language."

"Do you really want to know why I was hiding in that fucking closet, Mom? Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura snarled, scowling at them both in turn.

Neither of them said anything; her mother's lips trembled and Kakashi's face was fixed into a hard, almost frightening, expression.

"If you want to know so badly, I'll tell you. Did you see the dress Ino is wearing?"

Clearly confused, Riko said, "The orange one, with the yellow splashes? It's very pretty, but what about it?"

"I killed the original owner of that dress. She didn't need to die, but I had orders, so I preyed on her kindness in order to trick her into an alley. When she was dead, I took the dress and dumped her corpse like garbage."

Sakura's mother dropped the tray she was holding, spreading food all over the floor. It was the second time in one day that Sakura had ruined good food when it was still scarce. Still, she went on, though she knew every word pained her mother.

Her voice unremittingly harsh, Sakura continued, "And then I took the dress off for a man. I killed him, too, and afterwards, I defiled his body."

Sakura watched her mother cover her mouth with shaking hands, shaking her head in disbelief. "Why are you saying this?" Riko cried. "How can you be so cruel?"

Kakashi spoke up from behind, reminding Sakura of his presence. "You're a kunoichi. It won't be the last time you make a kill that sticks with you—"

Sakura let out a barking laugh. "It wasn't even the first. But that's fine. Shouldn't your kills stick with you? Shouldn't they haunt you? Isn't that only just? It was my own damn fault for selling that dress in the first place. It's just that Ino looks just like her. They'd be twins if she had the brown eyes I put in Chiyoko's face—"

Kakashi pulled her around to face him with a rough yank. "That's classified. Don't make me regret letting you—"

Sakura tried to shrug him off, but he wouldn't let her. He was leaning menacingly over her, a basic intimidation tactic she didn't appreciate. "Letting me? If I recall, it was an order no one is too thrilled about."

"You know better than to talk about it in front of civilians – in front of anyone," he hissed.

"Fuck off!" Sakura shoved him away from her, the force sending him backwards with a stagger. She stormed back down the hallway the way they'd come, ignoring the way her mother called after her.

Once back into the party, she sought out the only person she really wanted to see right now – though, judging from earlier, there was no guarantee he was even conscious. Eventually, though, she found him in the main room, along with Hinata, Sai, Yamato, and Genma. They were seated on the floor around a small table, and from the looks of it, they'd been enjoying the alcohol pretty thoroughly.

Hinata looked relatively clearheaded, though, and greeted her as she shoved into a place on the other side of Naruto, disturbing Sai. "Good evening, Sakura-san," Hinata said, the perfect vision of polite behavior.

Naruto ruined that by slopping his drink all over the table in his haste to greet her. "Sakura-chan!" he cried, dragging her name out. "How did you make your hair go in little rings like that? That's neat." Then he gave her a more thorough look and added, "And that dress is nice. It shows off your...." He made a vague cupping gesture at his chest.

Sakura shook her head. "Honestly, Naruto, your tact amazes me."

Sai took his time looking her over, too. "A good way to ingratiate yourself with your friends is to compliment them," he said, "but you taught me that lying defeats that purpose. As your friend, I must tell you that you appear to be a loose woman tonight, Ugly."

Yamato looked distinctly uncomfortable and shifted his arm away from Genma's shoulders, but Genma let out a barking laugh. "Aw, lay off her. She looks good. Even Shizune's dolled up tonight."

Naruto snickered. "You're one to talk, Sai. Just because you're not wearing it tonight doesn't mean that we all don't remember your belly shirt. You look more like a loose woman than Sakura does." His chin lifted as he spotted someone over Sakura's shoulder. "Hey, Kaka-sensei, over here!"

As Kakashi insinuated himself between Yamato and Genma – no ruder than usual, for Kakashi – Sakura stole Sai's sake. He tried to take it back but she just glared at him.

"You call me a loose woman, I take your sake. That's how it works." Kakashi coughed, but Sakura ignored him. If he brought up their argument now she'd kill him, she decided, and started contemplating various ways to do it as she sipped her stolen sake.

Naruto gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Don't pay attention to Sai. You look beautiful, right, Hina-chan?"

Sakura looked at Hinata, curious as to how Naruto's girlfriend would answer such a question. Hinata's smile was strained. "Of course. I feel like a strumpet in comparison, you're so demure."

Scowling, Sakura turned back to her sake. Hinata may as well have called Sakura a slut; Hinata was wearing a full-length kimono that managed to hide even her huge breasts. Quality kimono like the one Hinata was wearing cost roughly as much as Sakura's entire house.

Sakura let the conversation continue around her, but she tuned out until attention was called to the front of the room. Ino was up there, leaning on Chouji in a manner suggesting she might not be able to stay upright herself, and Shikamaru was skulking in the background near Inoichi.

"Everyone! I know we had the more formal remembrance for Asuma-sensei earlier, but there are some other people I need to recognize. First, I need to thank my team for always being there for me." Chouji almost dropped Ino right there, looking stricken, and Shikamaru's scowl deepened. "I also need to thank my father for doing whatever it takes to help me. I know if he had something I needed, he wouldn't hesitate." Sakura stared at Inoichi deliberately and when he met her eyes, he flinched and turned away.

"And thanks to Tenten," Ino continued, "for picking out this lovely dress." To Sakura, the sarcasm in Ino's voice was obvious, but everyone else seemed not to hear it, clapping politely. "And then there's my best friend Haruno Sakura. She is the most loyal person I know, ever since she was a little girl, and she sure knows how to deliver on promises." Sakura blanched and set down her sake cup lest she break it. That blow hurt. It seemed that Ino wasn't done, however, for she said, "And of course I have to thank Kurenai-sensei for being so generous. May Masako-chan grow up to be just like her father." With a sloppy toast, Ino stumbled off into another room.

The party guests cheered and shared the toast, for the most part, but Sakura was staring after her drunken friend. "Damn it, Ino!" She looked around, searching for a glimpse of dark curls hair done up in an elaborate style. "Where is Kurenai-sensei?"

"She couldn't keep the baby out this late," Yamato said, as sensible as ever. "She left some time ago."

"Oh, good," Sakura sighed, relaxing slightly. "It wouldn't do to go insulting her to her face when we still want something from her. I don't know what Ino was thinking...."

Naruto frowned. "Insulting her? That didn't sound like an insult to me. I thought it was nice."

"Oh, come on." Sakura laughed, voice dark. "Ino is the master of backhanded compliments. Don't worry, though, Hina-chan. You're catching up in no time." She raised her glass to Hinata with a nod and then tossed back the last of her sake.

Kakashi spoke up for the first time since joining the table. "Why doesn't Little Miss Sourpuss keep quiet so the rest of us can enjoy the party?"

Sakura stood up abruptly. "Fine. Have fun."

Naruto was the only one who bothered to call after her as she left. She didn't get very far, though, before she was waylaid by Nara Yoshino.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, dear, but you have to collect your mother. She's passed out in one of the side rooms. She was, ah... indisposed."

Though it was the wee hours of the morning, Sakura let herself back into the Nara estate after dragging her mother home to bed. They had both promised to spend the night and help clean up in the morning, so now Sakura was doubly obligated to stay; luckily, the last of the guests were clearing out by the time she returned.

Heavy with weariness, Sakura dragged herself up the steps into the room designated as hers and Ino's. Ino was sitting on the bed, staring ahead with a blank expression written on a face lined with fatigue.

When Sakura entered, Ino's eyes sparked back to life. "Sakura! I didn't think you'd be here."

Sakura kicked off her uncomfortable shoes with a sigh of relief. "I said I would be, didn't I? No matter what you think of me, I at least try to keep my word," Sakura said, annoyance creeping into her voice.

"I didn't mean what I said," Ino whispered, turning her face away. "I'm ashamed of that."

"Just about everyone took it at face value, so don't worry about it. You were drunk."

"I think I still am," Ino said, leaning back on her elbows. "Are you?"

"Probably." Sakura went through the motions of getting ready for bed and Ino followed suit, getting up and crossing over to the vanity. They wiped off their makeup, unclasped their jewellery, and unpinned each other's hair.

After a while, Ino said, "Is your mom okay?"

"Yes, but I don't want to talk about it," Sakura said, slamming down a makeup container with more force than necessary.

Ino set down the rag she was holding, turning to Sakura with new fire burning in her eyes. "So let's do something else." She stood up and without hesitation, stripped off the dress, and flung it across the room.

"Ino...." Sakura mumbled, confused by this sudden turn of events. Her brain assaulted her with jumbled memories of Ino's slicked skin against hers, Ino's eyes full of desperate need, the pain behind them barely concealed as she moaned through her tears.

"I don't know what's in your head, Sakura. I can't read your thoughts like when we were younger. Whatever's going on with you tonight, it started when I put this dress on. So I took it off." Ino got closer, pressing herself along Sakura's front as she reached her arms around Sakura's neck. "You look beautiful in that dress." Ino's breath was hot on Sakura's ear as she toyed with the knot that secured the halter top. "Knowing I picked it out for you only makes it hotter."

Sakura felt the knot at her nape coming undone and the top of the dress fluttered down to sag at her belted waist. She crossed her arms over her chest; unlike Ino, Sakura wasn't wearing a bra.

Ino brought her hands up to pull Sakura's arms away and leaned in for a kiss. It was tender and soft, and Ino's lips were slick with a pleasant-tasting gloss.

Instinctually, Sakura's eyes fluttered closed, but when Ino deepened the kiss, Sakura pulled away.

The hurt look on Ino's face twisted Sakura's stomach. "Ino, I—"

"How could you let me humiliate myself like that?" Ino said, blinking away tears. "What about before?"

Not knowing what to say, Sakura just shook her head. "I'm sorry."

Ino jumped into the bed and pulled the covers over her head.

As Sakura stood, staring at the trembling lump in the blankets and listening to the subdued sniffling coming from it, she had never felt so cruel.

Author's Note: I've received a few inquiries as to "what this story is about", if it's not romance and it's not action. That's difficult to answer – not because I do not know myself, because I do – but because to tell you is to spoil the point in reading it. The way I'm writing this, the reader is intended to discover the characters as they discover themselves. I deliberately withhold a lot of information from my reader, just as the characters withhold information from each other.

But still, since more than one person has expressed this question, I'll make an effort without giving too much away. In many ways, Playing the Game is a classic bildungsroman. This isn't a genre tackled often in fanfiction. Most people are looking for a straightforward plot, but you're not going to find that here. Will there be driving action pertinent to the Naruto plotline? Yes. We're coming up on some swiftly, in fact. The true unifying aspects of the story don't lie on the battlefield, however.

The themes that feature most prominently in PTG include morality, loyalty, and discovery of self identity and sexuality. Playing the Game follows both Sakura and Kakashi's emotional journeys through transitional periods in their lives, but also has a point quite separate from them as people.

And just in case you were wondering: yes, everything is Chekov's gun. I do mean everything. I try very hard not to waste any detail, sometimes even at the expense of story flow.

This story requires cognitive reading, which certainly is not what everyone looks for in fanfiction. I hope this terribly long author's note clears up my intentions somewhat. I did try to warn you all from the beginning that this would not be an easy, romantic read. I spent a long time searching for a story that got into the nitty gritty of dealing with the ethics of this profession and when I came up severely disappointed, the concept of Playing the Game was born. I can't pretend that I always get it right, or that I'm the best writer for this story. I can say that when it's over, I'll be going back and majorly rehauling it for quality. I hope you stick around to watch me mindfuck everyone, everywhere, all the time. What is more, I hope you have even half as much fun reading this as I had writing it.

P.S. Warnings are for pussies. :3333