Please don't kill me for the contents of this chapter, if you do, you'll never see what comes next.
Also, HA HA! This is totally out on time!
Zuko caught Iroh's sleeve as the old man passed, following the others into town for supplies. They were at another in a long line of small farming communities, with barely enough food for the people in them. But they needed food and they needed to avoid towns large enough to send news to Azula.
"Uncle." His voice was soft and serious. It reminded Iroh so much of Ursa, when he saw her first after her marriage to Ozai. No longer the soft-spoken and smiling young woman that both boys had known since childhood. She was fit as well as Ila to be the wife of the Fire Lord in that moment. It had startled him so at the time and set him on edge.
Iroh wasn't certain he'd ever heard Zuko sound so serious and so like a leader. No longer was it about what Zuko wanted or needed or desired, and you could hear it in his voice. The sorrow at letting go of the things he wanted in favor of what was best for everyone else, for those he could help.
Iroh was glad to see Zuko growing, becoming the sort of leader Iroh knew he could be, but the sorrow in those light gold eyes worried his old heart and chilled him to his bones.
"Uncle." Zuko started again. "There is a large town, on the other side of that hill, I remember it," the soft smile didn't reach his eyes. "you insisted on going to their festival." Iroh nodded, urging the boy on even if he wasn't certain he liked where this was going. "We'll travel there next. They," He jerked his head in the direction of the small group, Toph was pointing and laughing at something Sokka had done and Katara was shaking her head while Aang was laughing and playing with a group of dirty children even younger than he. "they won't listen if I suggest it but they'll listen to you. We'll go there next and I'll leave. I can vanish in a town of that size and it will be one less mouth for their meager savings."
"No!" Iroh burst out before he could stop himself.
"Yes. They'll be glad to be rid of me. I'm nothing more than fire-breathing scum. The waterbender has hardly slept a wink since I've been here and her idiot brother is going to break his neck if he keeps glancing over his shoulder like that."
"Aang needs to learn Firebending, you said that yourself. And it was right!" Iroh wished he knew that magic words that would make everything alright, but he wasn't certain any amount of power could do that.
"He does. You'll teach him still and he will be happier, they all will. They like you." Zuko tried to scoff but Iroh could hear the pained undercurrent. It was the same the prince's voice had held after his father banished him, after Azula tried to arrest him.
"They'll like you too if you give them a chance."
"It is a lie, they would never. I will never be more than a Firebender, than Prince Zuko the Banished and the Scarred to them. They've taken to you though, you can make them laugh and smile and put them at ease." he snorted. "You're good at that."
"It only takes a smile." Zuko raised one eyebrow and said nothing for a long moment.
"I've already made up my mind. Besides they can hardly support the beast they ride on, let alone six mouths, seven if you count that rat with wings." Iroh couldn't help but laugh at that. Momo had tried once to perch on Zuko like he did with the others, but neither had come away from the experience unscathed. "They could do with less troubles. I wanted to help the Avatar and this is how I can be of help. I am not a great Firebender. They have no need for me."
Iroh recalled Toph's words from that day so long ago—it seemed like ages ago—and took a deep breath. "I need you." He whispered, grabbing Zuko's shoulders and giving him a good, hard, shake. As though that would make him believe.
Zuko's mouth twisted up into a sad sort of smile.
"We will see one another again, someday." The words were empty and useless and both of the men knew it. "I'll stay until the next town. They must see me off or they'll think it's only a trick to capture the Avatar." He looked off and then back. "Well, they'll think that anyway. But I could do with another night or two to say goodbye, it is not often I am treated like a prince and an outcast at the same time."
"Aang will be sad to see you go."
"Maybe. But it would surprise me if he even noticed I was gone the way he's always mooning over the Waterbender."
"Zuko..."
"Iroh!" Katara panted lightly, having just run up to them. "We were worried, you fell behind." She told him, keeping one eye focused on Zuko. Was it really just his smile? Just that he was willing to smile and laugh and joke with them that they could forgive him the crime they hated Zuko for? Or was it something more. For Sokka it might be the stigma that being a Firebender carried and it might be the fact that he cooked that made Iroh safe in the boy's eyes.
Toph saw more than any of them, even the old general, but she was wary of Zuko, and maybe she had a right to be. With his temper it would take only one mistake and someone like Toph or Sokka who couldn't Bend at all would be done for.
Or maybe it was simply that it had been Zuko who had hunted them. Other than faceless soldiers that had attacked them along the way and Azula and her friends Zuko was the only Firebender they had directly fought and that carried a special stigma all of it's own. They could possibly forgive him one day for being different, just as they had forgiven Iroh and come to trust him even though he wielded the most unruly of the elements.
They couldn't trust him until he proved worthy of their trust, but Zuko wanted nothing to do with earning trust. Begging and groveling for it like some peasant. He had done that with Ozai for most of his life and it had never worked, he had no reason to believe it would work now.
Iroh wasn't even certain if there was any deed large enough to wipe their slate clean, to make them forget the pain and suffering Zuko had directly caused in their lives. It was a hard sin to atone for and Zuko wanted little to do with atonement, it was a weakness in the world in which he had been raised. As much as it pained Iroh maybe there was no way to reconcile the differences between Aang and his friends and Zuko.
Iroh felt his shoulders sag and he waved Katara on, murmuring softly:
"Oh, don't worry about me, I'm old and I seem to tire out rather easily these days, Zuko was just being kind and keeping an old man company while he rested. I'll catch up with you and the others in a few moments." Katara looked disbelieving, but she nodded warily and trotted off to where Sokka was standing with one hand on Toph's shoulder and one hand on his boomerang. The Earthbender looked annoyed at this development, but she also looked just a little bit wary.
Katara passed the two of them, and Toph shook off Sokka's hand and followed after her, leaving Sokka to run and catch up. "They'll be happier without me." There was a note of hurt buried in the simple statement.
"You have to give them time to warm up to you, trust is not something that comes overnight." Iroh pointed out, wishing that he could change Zuko's mind, if no other time than in this one thing.
"They like you, they'll take good care of you and probably treat you better than I do. I can take care of myself Uncle." Zuko assured the older man.
"I know you can Prince Zuko." And Iroh bowed his head ever so slightly, turning away and walking slowly toward the town. He wasn't going to change Zuko's mind and while he wanted his nephew with him and he didn't want the two of them to separate, the decision showed true thought and consideration on Zuko's part. He wasn't certain he wanted to discourage that sort of thing in the young prince by begging him to reconsider.
Zuko closed his eyes and turned away breathing long and low through his nose. Why did it seem that the "right" decisions were harder to make and hurt more than the poor decisions made for selfish reasons? He recalled the town well, and it was a good size to disappear into: large enough that even someone scarred like him could disappear, but small enough that they might not receive word about the scarred and banished prince with a price on his head.
It wasn't anything like what he wanted for himself, he wanted to regain his honor, but the only way to do that was to help the Avatar. And the way to do that was apparently to stay far, far away from the young boy and his distrustful friends. There was the familiar anger, burning away furiously in his chest, but he would prove to Iroh that he listened to the old man's lessons on occasion. He would ignore the anger in favor of knowing that he was doing the right thing.
The little group wanted nothing to do with him. The Earthbender and the Waterbender were needed to train the Avatar just like Iroh was, and the warrior Sokka was there because the Waterbender was probably spoiled with love and needed her family.
Zuko didn't need anyone and he wasn't needed there, so he'd leave. He was only getting in the way as it was.
He had been cast out of his first home and he'd left behind his first family with his head hung in shame, but this—his second family—one he would leave willingly, on his own and with his head held high. He would not scramble for a place in it if they did not want him, and he would make a new life for himself. If no one could accept him he would accept no one.
They had not taken well to the idea of passing near Qu-gong, citing that it was too large and word of Aang would spread too quickly and endanger them all. When Zuko stepped up and explained that he wished to leave the group, and this was the best place for him to vanish they changed their mind quickly.
Aang had the decency to at least half-heartedly try and talk Zuko into staying. The two girls were silent but both smacked Sokka when he scoffed "good riddance." They did share a quiet look that seemed almost like they were relaxing after being on constant guard for too long. Zuko was certain that the Waterbender would finally be able to sleep now that he was gone.
"If that's really what you want." Aang murmured, glancing around at his friends, as though thinking that surely one of them would speak up if he just pleaded enough with those big gray eyes of his. He might have been surprised at their silence, but Zuko was not. Iroh merely looked disappointed. The little lemur floated down from the trees and landed on the monk's bald head, looking around for a moment and then hissing at Zuko before skittering off again.
"It is my decision." Zuko answered. They were packing up, intending to move on yet again, trying to stick to small towns, but it seemed as though they were all willing enough to make the minor detour that the one-time prince had suggested.
Anything to be rid of him it seemed, though he supposed he shouldn't blame them so much as he did. He had done nothing else aside from chasing them for so long, nearly capturing them or killing them several times. If he was honest with himself he wouldn't trust someone like him to join his uncle and he in their travels.
That didn't help any with the pain of another rejection by another family.
They packed up Appa faster than ever before and were in the air within only a few moments. Aang sat on the beast's head, veering off toward the town. Toph was sandwiched between the two Watertribe peasants, and Iroh sat next to Zuko.
"You could change your mind." He offered, his voice cracking ever-so-slightly. "It might break Sokka's heart. But they will grow to like you." Iroh assured him quietly. Zuko just shot a look that said it all. His mind was made up and it pained both of them, but this was what he would do.
They landed far enough from town that no one saw Appa, but close enough that it wouldn't be too long a walk for Zuko.
Iroh wanted to walk Zuko into town and he didn't have the strength or the desire to turn the old man down. The old man—in one of the few instances that really made Zuko question his sanity—invited Katara and Toph along, insisting that he would need an escort back and who better than two lovely ladies.
Zuko never understood that, Toph was too young to really be considered a young lady and she seemed the least likely person in the world to want to be called lovely. Katara might be old enough, but he wasn't certain she was what you would call lovely...or even pretty.
With the two of them going, Aang and Sokka insisted on coming and so it went from him leaving quietly and with dignity to the whole group walking him off—as though making sure he left and stayed gone.
At least it offered to remind him that this was the right idea and he shouldn't be doubting himself. The walk was awkward and miserable at best, filled with the mistrust he was—sadly—starting to get used to around these people.