The vase shattered around Matsuda's ears as he ducked through the doorway to my apartment.
"Very smooth Matsuda, very smooth! You swear to me you'll tell me every detail of this case, keep me up to date all the time, you promised! But I guess I'm just not on the list anymore huh? Honestly, when Misa is more well informed than me there is a problem!" I realized I was screaming and moved to a harsh whisper. "So, did anything interesting happen today that I might like to know about?" Matsuda gave a weak and terrified smile.
"I notice you insult your supposed friend Misa whenever you feel the need to justify yourself." He eyed the broken pieces of vase with caution. I smirked.
"Nice try but you can't change the subject that easily. I want some explanation. Now." I folded my arms across my chest. Matsuda looked at his shoes like they were the most fascinating things he'd ever seen.
"But Lavender, Lawliets home, it wouldn't be right to fight here…"
"Now." I snarled. Matsuda sighed.
"You know for a psychologist you sure have a lot of issues." My anger broke at that and I couldn't resist a snort of laughter.
It was late afternoon of the following day, golden sunlight slanting through the kitchen window and the soft sounds of Lawliet in the next room, clicking his train tracks.
"Lavender, I'm really sorry, this is just another one of the many dumb things I do. I really meant to tell you but we were working all night and I was so tired. I just really want to help, I want to pull my weight so I try as hard as I can but still manage to mess something up. I know this doesn't make up for anything, I did promise but, I'm really sorry." Matsuda's words rushed out of him and he twisted his fingers around his cup of tea. I sighed and plopped down in the chair next to him.
"Its alright, I didn't mean to go psycho on you but I do worry about you. I worry about everyone on that task force and knowing everything that happens gives me this stupid, false sense of security." I paused for a moment in thought, "plus I really liked that vase…" Matsuda rolled his eyes.
I had the whole story out in about half an hour. When Matsuda spilled the beans about another nugget of withheld information though, I quite nearly had another fit.
"I didn't want you to hear about this Lavender! Another kid detective from the same place as L, who could figure out that Light wasn't him in about half a second, you're too fragile Lavender, I didn't want to put you through that." It felt like a slap to the face and I felt an icy sinking in my stomach.
"I think I can be the judge of that." I snapped at him. Was I really that pathetic? I felt sick. How could he think of me like that, as just a weak and useless girl who couldn't handle things that might hurt her? Matsuda gave me his melancholy stare and I realized just how impossible it was to be mad at him, and just how easy it was to be mad at myself.
*
Something evil was happening. I wish I knew what it was. My conciseness slowly floated into being and I identified the source of the evil as the telephone. Ringing. Waking me up.
So maybe in most people's worlds, when your son goes off to spend the night at some other child's house you stay up late or go out. So maybe in some people's worlds 9 at night was a perfectly respectable time to call a working adult. These were not my worlds.
I slowly dragged myself out of bed and then, remembering why I was getting up, made a mad dash for the phone before it went to the answering machine. I barely made it in time and lay gasping on the hardwood floor as a tentative voice on the other end said,
"Hello?"
"Hello, who is this?" I muttered and panted as I scrambled off the floor, rubbing my eyes.
"This is Light, Lavender, I need to ask you for a favor." His composure was just as smooth and flawless as usual. I made an odd squeak of surprise, which I sincerely hope he didn't hear.
"Yes, what is it?" Why did everything I said come out so hostile, more importantly why was I suddenly so nervous around him?
"Well, I know Misa told you about Sayu and…" He paused, "I want to ask you to rejoin the task force, just temporarily, but we really do need your help this time." This had to be a dream. I wasn't entirely sure what the feeling rushing through me was, fear, anger, excitement, shock? I settled upon one, joy. It was like I had final realized that I had been missing this for so long, remembered my longing just as I got my wish.
"Of course, of course I'll help!" Enthusiasm came out in my words this time and I suddenly didn't feel tired anymore. Fighting for justice is fun!
"Thank you Lavender," Light said and it dawned on me just how exhausted he sounded. I felt a wave of pity for the poor guy.
"So, anything you need me to do, I'll do it!" I still sounded like a boy scout, gee whiz!
"Well, actually Lavender, could you come over to headquarters so we can work out this plan?" They were still at work, I suddenly felt embarrassed at my easy comfortable life.
"I'll be there soon." I vowed and hung up the phone. Pajamas were probably not the thing to go out in so I scurried to the closet. That was the moment when I was struck by my lack of anything to wear. These were fashion major clothes, not professional, not Kira investigation. Where did all of my suits go?
I rummaged around in the back of the closet for a while before digging one out. It was a bit old, in fact I had worn it the last time I had been helping with the Kira investigation. I stripped off my pajamas and began to tug it on; I wanted to get there as soon as I could. The skirt seemed tighter than I remembered, had it shrunk? When I tried to fasten the top of it I actually had to suck in and it pinched a bit around the hips.
I stared at myself in the mirror, transfixed. Had I really been so distracted that I didn't even notice the fact that I looked like a hippopotamus? This was terrible and I refused to believe it. Then I compared the sizes and nearly screamed. Did all mothers fail to observe the fact that they had gone up 2 sizes?
I called my sister to yell at her because I had decided to blame someone else for all my problems. She told me that I looked fine and that I had always been freaky about my weight anyways. I called her a fat pig and hung up the phone.
Then I sucked in my stomach and looked in the mirror for a while before I felt guilty and called her back and apologized. Finally I gave up and decided I would just have to wear the death suit and try not to breath. Maybe I could find some more clothes later.
I hobbled into task force headquarters about 15 minutes later, panting. I hadn't wanted to make quite such a dramatic entrance but man, so many stairs!
My boys didn't look good. Matsuda was pretending not to be asleep at his desk. Aizowa's brow was so contorted he looked like he might, in fact have no eyes. Ide, one of the newer recruits, was staring unseeingly at a piece of paper on his desk. Mr. Yagami looked terrible, he was unshaven and his eyes were bloodshot. He looked as old as I had ever seen him. Light was sitting, tight lipped, at the computer and was the only one still actually managing to work.
"Sorry I took so long, shall we get started?" I said, trying to sound cheerful. Light rubbed his forehead and turned around to face me.
"We're flying out to America tomorrow. My father will handle the trade but we need some one to be on the line with him to make sure things run smoothly. I need a professional opinion like yours." Light explained. I was a bit taken aback. Tomorrow was so soon! Then I cursed myself mentally for being such a selfish idiot, of course they had to go soon, they had to go whenever these mafia clowns wanted them to come.
"Alright, when is the flight?" I said simply.
"You're fine with it then? You don't have anything you need to do?" Light sounded as vaguely surprised as he could considering the circumstances. I nodded.
"My sister can take Lawliet and I want to help." None of the men objected, they were too tired to fight a lost battle.
"Thank you." Was all Light said and closed his eyes. Just a murmur of thanks and relief from fear.
*
It felt so strange not to be with Lawliet, not to be worrying about him or thinking about him or planning around him. It made me feel uneasy, disturbingly liberated, exposed.
I squirmed in my cramped airplane seat and wished for the thousandth time that this wretched suit had a bit more room in it. Matsuda was chattering on beside me about how great it was to have me back and how it had really raised everyone's spirits. I wasn't paying much attention, my knees were screaming at me to get out of this plane. Thankfully our captain had just come on the line to inform us that we were beginning our descent towards Los Angeles.
As the plane crept down from the sky at what seemed to me was an immeasurably slow speed I concentrated on the pleasing thought of being in America again. It would be nice to be back.
"Lavender, why didn't you just move back?" Matsuda said, nearly reading my thoughts as always. He sounded a bit nervous, like he almost regretted asking.
"Why on earth would I move back?" I said with a shrug.
"Because you like it here better, you speak the language better, your parents and all of your friends are here, because you lived your entire life here until recently and after that things just went downhill." Matsuda said it all in a rush. I was a bit startled.
"Matsuda, think for one second here please. My home is in Japan. Maybe it's not my favorite country; maybe I could have had a better life somewhere else but not now. It's my home now. My family does live there and so do my friends, you're my best friend dummy! Besides I can always visit my parents here. Honestly, if you thought I would just plant myself back here to have a child of mysterious origins you're nuts! I couldn't have made it without you." I'd been saving that little speech up for quite a while but it had come out a little sappy. It appeased Matsuda however so it did its job, he almost had a spring in his step when we got off the plane.
We all felt glad for a moment, glad to be off of that little plane and glad to be here in the warm breezes of the best bit of America. Then we all remembered why we were here. Nothing like a hostage situation to spoil the mood.
A/N: Yay, more Matsuda goodness! Also: fun with weight loss is still to come… oh and that whole hostage thing, I might mention that again to. I got a review, wooooooo! If someone else reviews it's gonna basically make my day.