Chapter 9: Holding You

Sirius's POV

Remus immediately wanted to go back to work.

I argued with him saying that he shouldn't strain himself but here I am pulling up to a parking meter in front of the little café he works at.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" I asked turning toward Remus who just numbly smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Thank you Sirius."

And with that he slid out of the car and shut the door.

I was still really worried bout the kid. He looked like he was about at start crying at any moment.

I sighed and pulled out of the parking lot.

I hope the kid will be okay.

" Hey Sirius come to pick up Remmie?"

James asked as he opened the door for me to come in.

I nodded and smiled at James. It's been about a week since Remus started staying at my place and after dropping him off at work everyday James and I had become fast friends.

"Seems I've become Rem's unofficial cabdriver."

"Seems you have mate. Well Remmie's in the back room with Lily. I don't think he's been feeling' the best lately. He dropped his tray twice as much as he normally does..."

James said ruffling his already messy hair with a worried look on his face.

"Yeah…I wanted to keep him home but…well…"

"He used the puppy dog eyes right?" James said laughing.

"Sure the hell did. Hey Rem. You ready to go?" I asked as Remus made his way out from behind the counter, he nodded silently.

"Well seeya James…Come on Lupin lets go." I said placing my hand on top of his head as I steered him towards the door.

"Bye Remmie!!" Lily Yelled waving as we left. "See you later Siri!!"

Siri? What the Fuck? When the hell did I get a pet name??

Whatever. I'll kill her next time I pick up Remus.

"Sirius do you want some Coffee?" Remus asked in a tired voice.

"Sure…"I answered eyeing him carefully.

The whole ride back to my apartment I kept glancing at Remus. He looked so pale and all of his movements were sluggish and strained.

Remus padded over to the Coffee maker and flicked it on.

I gave him one last glance and stood up.

"Well if your sure you're alright, I'm gonna go take a shower 'kay?"

"That's fine…"I heard him mummer, not motivated enough to even look at me.

I frown as I make my way to the bathroom.

Stripping, I turned the shower on full blast and stepped in letting the hot water run down my skin.

I don't know why I worried so much.

I mean I don't give a damn about other people. Cause no one gives a damn about me.

But why?

Why is it I feel the need to protect him?

To worry about him ….to care about him.

It almost makes me sick. But than his face appears in my head and that smile and those eyes settle my gut and makes my heart melt.

Gods why does he make me feel like this!?!

I can't stand it…all I want is for him to smile again.

To smile at me again.

'Thump'

"What the fuck was that?"

I turn off the shower and redress in clean boxers and a black t-shirt. I pull on my pants and open the bathroom door to peek my head out.

"Hey Rem! What'd you break?"

No answer.

"Rem?"

I close the door behind me and walk to the living room, no Remus.

Well if he did break something he's probably cleaning it up.

I head to the kitchen only to have my gut explode.

Remus is lying in a heap on the floor.

I drop to my knees and grasp him.

"Rem! HEY REMUS!! "I looked down at his pale face.

There was no movement except for the violent gasping inhales and exhales of his chest. I held him loosely afraid that he'd fall to pieces as his chest heaved.

His small body shook as his gasped for breath. And small pitiful noises escaped his lips making my gut explode all over again.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

Suddenly thin hands gripped my shirt weakly as Remus let out one last heave, which caused his whole body to shake, and I feared he'd shatter to pieces.

"Remus?" I whispered looking down at the smaller boy whose body was now like a rag doll in my arms.

I touched his cheek and his golden eyes opened slightly.

"Sirius…"He whispered so quietly that I almost missed it.

"Hey…" I said quietly a weight lifted off my shoulders.

"Hi…"Remus whispered as his eyes slipped closed again.

I exhaled deeply and held Remus tighter in my arms.

"God damnit Kid stop doing things like this."

"What the…"

I was just about to set Remus down when I felt the small hands tug weakly at my shirt.

Remus's hands clung almost desperately to my shirt and I felt my heart break.

Slowly I tried to remove his hands but he whimpered as I did.

"Please…don't leave me," he murmured.

I just stared down at him. At the thin fingers clutching the fabric of my shirt. At the pale face and the slow rise and fall of his chest.

God…why does he make me feel this way?

"If I have to," I huffed and sat down with Remus sitting in my lap.

He nuzzled closer so his mouth was right next to my ear.

It was quiet and a little uneven…but he was breathing.

I didn't sleep at all that night cause I was too afraid that if I fell asleep the next breath wouldn't come….