Chapter 10: Game of Lies

Loki sat on the floor at the corner of his cell in de dungeons, the prison with the highest security in Asgard, created with the sole purpose of making sure that those who were locked up in it could never ever come out. The god of mischief ignored the food that was magically brought into his cell. Moments like this were the only ones that allowed him to track down time and have an idea of what part of the day it was, since the bright artificial lights never went off. Loki looked tiredly at the plate. The food looked delicious, but he had no hunger or appetite. He had thus, no intention in eating the meal, just like he hadn't eaten the previous two. He was certain Frigga was behind this, the good food, the furniture, the books. He was sure his mother was doing everything in her power to make him feel comfortably. But right now, comfort did not interest him. Just like nothing else interested him.

Loki felt exhausted and yet he could not sleep. His mind was restless while his body was numb. The same thoughts kept spinning in his head, around and around, over and over again, like a tortuous whirlpool of haunting memories and untamable fears. It sucked all his energy up, it drained away all his vitality until he was too tired for anything. His fasting was of course contributing for the weakening of his body and spirit. Loki felt like he was slowly dying. But right now, he didn't really care.

I wish I had seen you earlier, brother.

These were the last words Thor had directed to him and they had punched right into his soul. Words that told Loki his older sibling had given up on him. The raven-haired prince had always feared for this. Deep down, he always had known this day would come. The day that Thor would understand the lost call his younger brother truly was. The day he would turn his back and finally leave him. Loki always had known this would happen sooner or later. Still, he had not been prepared for this.

The short journey from the Bifröst to the Allfather's throne room had been awkwardly silent. And once Loki was brought to the custody of Odin's soldiers, Thor left him without even looking at him one last time. This recollection was enough to make Loki's eyes prick. The raven-haired prince was sure a mean wound had been opened in his heart at that moment and it wouldn't stop bleeding, because the pain simply wouldn't go away. Loki was clearly broken-hearted. It was already bad enough to feel rejected, abandoned and loathed by everything and everybody. But by Thor, it caused such raw pain, that it felt like he was falling down the abyss of void all over again.

Loki was alone. A gasp and a sob escaped his lips as he couldn't hold back the pain any longer. This loneliness that has haunted him all his life had never felt this strong, this confronting, this tangible as it did right now. It scared him to no limit. It made him feel desperate, hopeless and terrified. He felt like a little child trapped in the dark, afraid of invisible monsters luring around him. Only, he was trapped in the most illuminated place he could be in and the monster was himself. The monster he always feared the most.

…

One year later

"No more illusions."

Thor told Loki with a commanding tone, while he gazed at him with an unfamiliar upset look. The god of mischief, too tired of playing games, decided to do what his brother desired.

"Now you see me, brother." Loki softly said and the blond Asgardian did not miss the double meaning in his words.

Thor did his best to keep his cold façade, to keep his perfectly cool posture and hide all the turbulent emotions that tormented him right now; because what was presented before his eyes was disturbing him greatly. Loki never looked his awful before. His always neatly combed hair was disheveled, his always perfectly composed clothing looked old and poor. He was barefooted and there was blood on one of his feet. Thor's younger brother looked defeated, exhausted and old. Thor slowly walked around the cell so he stood closer. The god of thunder had to restrain himself from surrendering to compassion. He had to remind himself this wasn't the person with whom he had fallen deeply in love with, the person he had shared so many marvelous and happy moments together, the person he once most trusted in this world. Thor had to remind himself that this man was a dangerous sociopath who would stab him in the back the first chance he would have.

Yet, he did see him. It was seldom the moment that Loki threw his defenses down and exposed his vulnerability this openly. Thor could count in one single hand the moments he had witnessed such a rare event. He knew he was the only privileged, or perhaps the unfortunate one, to do so.

"Did she suffer?" Loki asked, concern and fear all present in his eyes.

Frigga had died and guilt was already consuming the prince's soul. Guilt for speaking her the false words he spoke, his last words directed to her. Words of cruel denial. Guilt for sending that monster to the royal chambers. It was his most idiotic move ever. He could as well had killed Frigga with his own bare hands.

Thor did not know if the question was genuine or if this was Loki's way to try and win his compassion in order to manipulate him later on. Maybe it was a bit of both. The god of thunder knew his brother too well. He knew whatever feelings haunted his heart right now, rage and thirst for revenge were the most powerful in him. And right now, he needed Loki to redirect his rage to the dark elves. So Thor gave Loki the coldest answer he could give. With a short sentence, Thor eliminated any space to emotional manipulation, so he was the one in command and not the other way around.

I did not come here to share our grief.

It had hurt him to speak out such distant words, because he saw for one second the pain, the sorrow and the helplessness flash in Loki's green eyes. He had to break eye contact, because he could feel himself falter. When he looked back, the coldness and astuteness had already returned to his brother's gaze. Loki had already built back up the façade he always presented to the world. The façade of cold indifference, of mocking pride and overconfidence. The older sibling did not let any of his emotions transpire, because he could see Loki was now observing him closely, studying him to the smallest detail. The god of mischief was clever and he knew Thor better than anybody else. The blond warrior knew the slightest mishap - a word too much, an unconscious gesture, a slight nuance in his voice - would be enough to betray himself.

"When do we start?"

Loki asked after short strenuous silent seconds in which shrewd green eyes pierced the blue ones. Thor's heart had panged when Loki's lips had drawn a small smile and a soft "hum" had escaped his throat before he had spoken out those words. The god of thunder realized he had overdone his well-though discourse the moment he had threatened his brother. He realized, despite his efforts, Loki had seen right through him the moment he said he would kill him. Because Loki knew Thor would be incapable of killing him. He knew there was a part of Thor that still had faith in him. That still loved him and wanted to trust him again. And that fact alone put Loki in the advantage. The blond Agardian swallowed dry. Now they were both playing the same game of lies.

…

"This mortal must be very significant to make you go against all Odin's rules and commands." Loki talked in a mocking tone, while he dressed his official garments. "What's so special about her I wonder… She must be quite something in bed."

"Jane and I never had sex." Thor said annoyed and bit his tongue for giving another answer he shouldn't had given. It all had played out much better and easier in his head.

"What?! You are risking everything you have because of a platonic crush?!" Loki asked actually looking shocked.

"Sex is not everything!" Thor rashly said, while he raised his voice. His infuriated eyes met Loki's shaken and hurt gaze for some seconds. He then broke eye contact and turned his back to his brother.

"I know." Loki whispered and Thor would swear he heard regret his voice. "The Aether is a dangerous weapon in the wrong hands." The god of mischief stated in a matter of fact tone. Thor turned around to face him, a bit surprised his brother had chosen to change the subject this quickly. He noticed he was fully dressed, his hair neatly combed back, looking exactly like it always did. "So, ready to stop Malekith?"

…

Loki had been impressed with Thor's plan in getting them out of Asgard. He had tricked everybody into believing they were escaping with a large ship. Hell, even he, the god of mischief had been tricked.

Loki had also been impressed with Thor's loyalty to Jane. His devotion to this human, this insignificant, but to his brother important mortal, was unprecedented. Loki was sick of jealousy, but above all, he was curious about this Jane Foster. Most of the time he saw her, she was unconscious, but he had felt, literally, how passionate and spirited this small woman was when she had slapped him. In the end, Loki concluded she was especial. She could only be, since Thor sought in her the comfort and happiness his brother could not offer anymore. Unlike him, Jane Foster was good hearted, innocent and altruistic. She was also persistent, determinate and strong, which were the ideal assets for dealing with a person like Thor.

Strangely Loki slowly accepted the fact Thor had found a new love in his life. After all, he had ruined everything that existed between him and Thor. Their relationship had been wrong and forbidden from the start. It had been doomed from day one. Deep down, Loki had always waited in fear for the day they would finally break up. But that didn't mean he wanted to see his brother unhappy, very much on the contrary. He realized that if Jane was the person to make his brother happy, then so be it. He was okay with that.

However, the nature of this relationship did worry him greatly. Loki grimaced as he found it ironic that Thor should end up intertwined again in an impossible relationship. An Asgardian and a Human. The first was to live about five thousand years, the latter would be lucky to even reach one hundred. Thor was going to be confronted with the harshest of all realities. That the Human life was fleeting and oh-so very short. A mere heartbeat. Thor would never be prepared to watch her age so quickly, to lose her so soon. Thor would never be prepared for the pain he would have to carry afterwards. Loki tried to warn his brother about the Human's fleeting existence, but Thor wouldn't listen to him. Ultimately, Loki wondered, when had Thor ever listened to him, anyway?

Finally, Loki had been impressed with Thor's brilliant but absolutely mad plan. It was so full of risks, everything in it could go wrong, and yet, everything did go well. But Loki, the Weaver of Lies, used the risks involved for his own benefit for he too had a plan. A secret plan. One that presented itself as the proof, the confirmation that he was truly a monster. The monster he had learned to accept he was, not so long ago. What Loki had planned went beyond the concept of immorality. It was so obnoxious that even he was surprised he was able to carry it out.

Loki had been impressed with himself and how cruel and calculating he could be. To forge his own death, to be able to pretend he was dying in his brother's arms while Thor tried desperately to comfort him during his final minutes of life. To be able to lay still while Thor cried and released one horrible scream of agony. To deceive and make his brother mourn him all over again. Loki bitterly thought he truly did not deserve Thor's or anybody else's love. It was impossible to go lower than this, but at least Thor would keep a positive memory of him. Thor would remember Loki as the person who sacrificed himself for those he loved. Because in fact, that was exactly what he was doing.

"I'm sorry Thor." Loki whispered as he stood up after he magically broke the sand storm in Svartalfheim, the tempest he had created to make sure his brother and Jane would need to leave his dead body behind.

Loki had planned this carefully out. His brother had Jane now. Even if her short lifespan was only a heartbeat, Loki knew she would make his brother happier in a few decades than he could ever make in long millenia. If she had in mere three days succeeded in changing Thor from an immature and violent warrior to a calmer and wiser prince, imagine how she could impact him in fifty years? Loki had decided to give Thor one heartbeat of love and happiness before the burden of the throne would be fallen to him. Because, after Jane´s death, Thor would finally be ready to rule. Until then, Loki would rule as regent. He had to find a way to persuade the Allfather to step down the throne and give him the power. Odin needed to understand this was a mere temporary action, to lighten up his burden and prepare Asgard for the new king. But before that, he had an unfinished matter to treat with Odin. It was finally time to reveal what Odin truly thought about Loki.

…

"I've returned from the Dark World with news." Loki spoke under the guise of a soldier. Odin stood opposite the throne looking old and tired, increasing the prince's certainty it was time for him to hand over the power to somebody younger and more spirited.

"Thor?" Of course Odin would ask for Thor. His precious perfect son. How it must be biting him to know that his loyal son had committed high treason against him. He pretended he had not found the blond warrior, quickly turning the old king's attention to where he wanted.

"We found a body." Loki casted his eyes down as a strange feeling of triumph and anticipation filled his chest. There was a pause, the short amount of time that Odin needed to figure out whose body it was.

"Loki."

The prince in the guise of a soldier lifted his eyes to look at Odin. This was the moment of truth. It would be revealed to him now, what the king truly thought and felt about his adopted son. So he pretended to leave the room, casting an illusion of the soldier walking away, while he remained in the room invisible to the Allfather. At first, Odin had no kind of reaction. He simply stood unmoving in front of the throne for a while, like if he was frozen in time. He was clearly lost in thoughts, processing the news that had been just given to him. Loki stared a bit curious and heard his name being whispered. Then Odin's hand travelled to his temple, his trembling fingers rubbing it. He covered his mouth for a few seconds and then let his hand fall to his side. Loki realized Odin was breathing heavily and was having difficulties in remaining on his feet. The god of mischief broke the illusion the moment he saw Odin fall over to his side, while the sound of deep breathing filled the room.

"Father!" Loki yelled without realizing it. "Father, please no. Not again!"

He made a short run and bended over to look at the Allfather. It was as he had feared. Odin had fallen into the Odinsleep. Loki's hand hesitantly met his father's and he sighed regretfully. From all the scenarios he had played off in his head, this one had never happened. With a trembling hand, Loki caressed his father's hair. Frigga's death, Thor's betrayal and now the news of his youngest son's death had been too much for him to deal with. Loki cursed his brilliant plan, because he just discovered his father truly loved him. And he was probably going to lose him before he ever had the change to beg for forgiveness.

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