"What brings you here?"
Asked Pastor Dean.
"Well sir, I just want to be able to finally accept the fact that he's gone, but I really need help with that"
I responded starting to tear up.
"What's your name kiddo?"
"Pa….Pa…Pa…Parker….. Parker Mckinney."
That's when I lost it, in front of the entire church I fell to my knees and started with tears flooding down my face. No one would understand why I was crying so hard, I didn't tell them about the clothes they gave me…
All of a sudden I heard a door open, and about ten to fifteen seconds after that I felt someone's hands grab my sides and lifted me up. Much to my surprise when I opened my eyes it was my mother, but we were in the middle of a circle, the entire group of people at the church surrounded us. They looked to be praying, some looked like they were being sad with me, and others looked like they didn't know what to do. My mom had put me back down after about ten minutes of hugging me, yes that's right…. I let her hug me, but that's when she saw the clothes I was wearing as well. She gasped and looked at me closely, I saw her starting to tear up and I wasn't sure why…she seemed strong up until that point.
"Parker, you look so much like him. Is there a mirror in here anywhere?"
My mom gasped.
That same man the greeted me at the door brought us back to the clothing where there was a mirror. I cried again once I looked in the mirror… if you were to look at me and Trevor, the only way you'd know which one is which is the fact I'm shorter than him.
Afterwards we went back into the churchy part of the church and listened to the rest of the sermon. When that was done everyone was leaving and just as we were going to leave Pastor Dean stopped us to talk.
"Parker, that was very brave of you. Not a lot of kids your age could admit that."
He said.
"Thank you sir, I miss him….more than anyone could ever know."
"I bet, I lost my brother when I was twelve years old. To this day I still miss him. But Parker, just know Trevor's watching over you, and he still and always will love you."
"Thank you sir, I think I needed to hear that."
"No problem kiddo, if you ever want to stop by here I do need helpers on the weekends for the thrift shop."
Just as we were leaving Pastor Dean was getting into car as well. I kept hearing this spinning and rattling noise in the background, finally I realised his car wouldn't start.
I was wonder much Trevor doubted himself, if he did at all. He didn't show it in front of me. He always taught me that passion and will can get anything done, and he a lot of both. Believe it or not I wasn't always with him, because I was either in class or like last year, in a completely different school. But for entire school year I heard the teachers talking about how one of their former students is changing the world. I couldn't say that they one-hundred percent talking about Trevor until the week I came back after his death. However I can tell you I was upset because each teacher tried to take recognition as they were saying that they were a big part of making Trevor who he was.
They were so wrong it wasn't them who made Trevor who he was….it was my mother…..and me. Whoever would have thought that my mom being piss drunk almost every night would have helped Trevor? I guess to explain in short terms, Trevor was my parent more than my brother, and also my best friend. Today was the first time that I allowed my mom to pick me up since I was maybe one or two years old. Every night from when my father hit my mother up until Trevor died, he'd pick me up. Sometimes when I was smaller he'd cradle me, and he'd sing me a lullaby and rock me to sleep. When I got older and a bit bigger we would watch wrestling before bed. When the time came to go to bed I half asleep, so Trevor would pick me up and I'd burry my face into his shoulder usually hugging as tight as I could. We would go to bed, and he would be my teddy bear because I didn't actually have one.
A lot of people made fun of me when they found out about it, but they didn't realise. They didn't know how hurt I was on the inside, all they saw was an easy target. They didn't care about the constant nightmares during the daytime I still had, they didn't care that my mother wasn't there for me when I needed her, they didn't care that I had the best brother in the world. All they saw was someone who they thought was weak. There was one teacher however who was a little different. I'm not sure if he actually cared, or felt sorry for me. I didn't know his first name and I never had as a teacher. His name was Mr. Sinclair. He'd always smile at me in the when I got to school, I guess he was always on yard duty in the morning. I didn't trust him because I thought he would be like the rest of them. Was it really surprising that I didn't trust anyone other than Trevor? But somehow things were changing, I started to be able to see a bright side some people. I started to trust someone else other than Trevor, but that none of it would have happened if I hadn't met Eli.