Chapter 11

It's always been very important to me that I never say I'm broken. I feel like when you admit shit like that, it becomes real.

I've been doing everything and nothing at all. Movie marathons, more wedding planning with Rose, more assuring Rose that I'm okay. But that numbness has settled inside me. Honestly, it's kind of a relief. When you don't have numbness, you have to be so fucking aware of everything. There is no escape.

Edward slams his hand down on the kitchen table. "Bella!"

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"Where the hell are you right now? I'm about to put a three-thousand dollar deposit down for the venue and you're not paying attention."

"I'm tired, Edward."

"Yeah, well that makes no fucking sense. All you do is sleep." I hate hearing him sound so bitter, but I know it's my fault.

All of our sex is angry sex. I'm sore afterwards but I like it. It's like he's trying to fuck the gloom away. He can't, but I love him for trying.

"I have to go back to work to meet with some publishers, and I won't be leaving work until late tonight."

I nod my head and he starts talking to me like a child.

"That means you have to drop this check off, okay?"

"Okay, Edward. I promise I will."

He sighs, kisses my forehead and then leaves.

I'm startled when I hear a loud knock on my office door. I'm even more scared when I realize it's fucking Judy. She's the craziest person alive, but also a mathematic genius, I have double-checked her numbers for the past couple of years and I've never found a mistake. No one likes her, but she doesn't care. She just floats through life.

"Bella!"

"…yes?"

"We are the only ones working hard in this place." I can't disagree with her. Everyone else took the opportunity to leave early, but her and I are still powering through.

"Come out, tonight."

I start to say no, but then I'm like..why the fuck not?

"You work out during lunch, baby?" Edward scoffs.

"What?"

"You've been taking that little duffle bag to work a lot."

I've never found his observance more annoying than now.

"Oh yeah, It's that time of the month and it's said that it's best if you work out to alleviate cramps."

"Alright, well don't overdue it. You're just looking kind of small already, Bella. I don't know if it's stress or what."

"Yeah, I know, but the holidays will thicken me right back up. Especially with all your cooking this time of year."

This makes him smile.

"Yeah, well get ready because I'm pulling out all stops."

I can't get out of the apartment fast enough.

Judy is grinding with some drunken fool and laughing loudly for no reason. I do my best to tune her out.

I fucking love club lights. The colors look wonderful on my skin and I feel so fucking alive.

EPOV

"Edward, a young man named Riley is here to see you."

I tell my assistant Annie to send him in.

"Hey, Riley."

"Hey, Edward. Cool office."

"Thanks, I feel like it's less boring with colorful paintings on the wall."

"Very cool…" He's rubbing his neck and he looks like he's sweating.

"Look, I don't want to overstep but…Bella has been kind of off lately. Her work is still great but…look man if I were you, I would want to know, and I'm friends with you and Bella, but I've known you longer…"he trails off.

"Alright, Riley what's going on? You're starting to scare me."

He takes a deep breath and then he finally says it. "Bella has been going out like every night with the office-loon, Judy."

"What to dinner? I don't care about that, dude, she's been working so hard."

Riley's eye-rolling has me concerned.

"Work has been pretty light lately."

"She told me you guys were working on the Everest project."

"We finished that like a month ago, Edward."

"Riley, I really appreciate this. And look we'll have to hang out sometime soon okay?"

I'm sure my smile has Riley thinking I've lost my mind. He turns around slowly and walks towards the door.

"Alright, take it easy, man. Call me if you need me."

When he's out of sight I fly to my desk and turn on my phone. I type the same message that I've typed every day this week.

What time will you be home tonight?

And I get the same response, but this time I fucking know.

Late, you know that this project is kicking my ass. Xx

I slam my fist into my keyboard, and then type on the shaky keys looking for Judy's social media. I seriously doubt it's set to private.

I find all I need.

BPOV

This will never get old.

"Bella, you are fucking awesome. I always saw you as this demure, little brunette , but I'm glad I was wrong."

I wish she would shut up. She's ruining it.

Soon the vibrations take me away again.

A strong grip comes around my arm and before I know it I'm out in the freezing cold parking lot.

It was too much, too fast, and my sight is blurry.

I go to get the mace Edward put on my house keys, but I'm shocked when I look up and see that it's him in front of me, pacing frantically.

"Did you know that Angela wanted to get back together?"

"Edward?"

"Shut the fuck up, Bella."

"In college. She wanted me back, and I loved her, and it would have been so easy to go back, but I didn't because I saw something in you, and I wanted to give it a shot, and I never regretted that. I never once fucking regretted leaving all the familiar and easy for you, not until tonight." He stops and looks at me. And I will always hate myself for putting that pain there.

"Edward! Please"

"I'm working long hours to pay for our fucking wedding and I'm thinking that you're doing the same when really you're doing God knows what with God knows who inside of a club. I am so fucking tired of this."

He tells me it's time to go home.

We pull into the apartment garage and Edward is staring straight ahead. I get out and start walking to the building, but stop and turn around when I realize he isn't with me.

"Why aren't you getting out?"

"I packed a duffle bag of my own, Bella. I'm going to stay at Rose's for a while."

"Please, Edward!"

"Please go inside. I don't want to say something terrible that I can't take back. I'll call you when I'm ready. But know this, Isabella Swan: If you step back into that fucking club, we are done. Do you hear me?"

"Yes," I whisper.

He's bitter, but he still waits until I'm inside to speed off.

I'm losing my grip.