A/N: I've found my mojo with this again after taking a little break :)

Chapter 10

The weeks that followed were arguably mundane for Olivia and Rafael, and neither of them could be more thankful. Boring and eventless was perfectly fine by them as they fell into an easy routine; no dramas save for Noah testing his boundaries, and aside from work, life became relaxing and chilled out. They felt, dare they say it, like a real family. Week days were homework, reviewing cases from the sofa, less takeaways and actual cooking with Rafael teaching them some of his Grandmothers recipes, Saturdays revolved around Noah's little league games with them both cheering him on like the proud parents they were, and Sundays were their favourite, quiet days in pyjamas, cooking breakfast together and watching movies in their bubble.

One Thursday that serenity shattered with their first falling out. Sure they sparred at work and didn't always agree, but this time Olivia was livid with him. She'd held face until Noah was tucked away in bed, hushing "I love you too baby, sweet dreams" as she pulled his door closed. Normally she liked to leave Noah's door open a jar so she could hear him if he called out, but tonight she didn't want to wake him. She knew an argument was brewing, and although deep down she knew she shouldn't bring work home like this because that's what they'd long ago agreed, tonight she couldn't let it go. Rafael had asked her to commit perjury on the stand to help his case. He knew she'd done it only once before in her life with Lewis, and he knew the depths that guilt had burrowed into her being, she'd sworn she'd never do it again, never to put question to her integrity. He knew that, yet he'd still asked.

Rafael padded through the hallway of their building feeling drained, he'd had the longest of days topped off by an argument he'd never wanted to have with Olivia. His words had come out wrong, he'd implored her to understand, but she hadn't, she could only see red and she'd blown up at him outside of court. Turning his key in the lock, he quietly entered the apartment to find his fate. Olivia was in the kitchen emptying the dishwasher, hair scraped back into a loose bun, wearing leggings and a jumper that wasn't his. Warning sign number one; she lived in his old jumpers. Warning sign number two was the deliberate way that she shoved the crockery into the cupboard, he was sure there would be chips. She was definitely still annoyed. "Hey Liv" he said tentatively, not knowing what kind of response he would get. He hated fighting with her, but he wasn't willing to fold when he didn't feel like he was completely in the wrong, and he knew if she had been on the outside looking in she'd have been more cross at him for apologising for what he believed in just to appease. "Don't you 'Hey Liv' me Barba". Rafael quietly sighed to himself, it was bad. "Barba?! So that's how it's going to be Liv?" He wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing that he was a little shocked that she'd called him Barba at home.

Rafael stayed at a safe distance in the living room, internally battling to keep his fiery Cuban disposition in check, knowing it would only make things worse. They hadn't fought like this before ever, and if he was honest, he was a little scared of what the outcome might be. Olivia broke the uncomfortable silence first, speaking angrily just above a whisper, he knew the only reason she wasn't shouting was Noah was in bed, and he was a little thankful that because of that their exchange was tempered.

"How dare you. How COULD you? How. Even." She wasn't actually saying anything in full sentences, so Rafael opened his mouth for the first time "Olivia", she'd pulled the Barba card but he wasn't going to sink as low as calling her Lieutenant, "I never meant for that conversation to end up like this" it was the truth "I wasn't asking you to purjure yourself, I was just asking you to consider holding back some colour in your testimony, in the very least carefully choose your words", "What's the difference? You're still asking me to lie, to live with lying" she barked back at him. Rafael sighed, he still didn't feel like she was hearing him. "Liv, you know full well the jury are going to take what you saw out of context, it isn't even key evidence and it will incorrectly skew the entire case, Jaxon will likely walk and Amy will perhaps have to live with the fact a completely unrelated, naive teenage mistake from years ago will help her attacker walk free.", she fired back answering him with another question "I thought you respected our justice system. I thought you believed in it?", "I do, but it's not perfect, it's not always fair" he replied quietly. He had long ago accepted the flaws in the American judicial system, but it was his job to exploit them for the greater good. "How could you possibly ask me to play God with those imperfections. To decide which facts a jury should hear. To lie?" This wasn't a new concept to her, and Rafael was having a little trouble understanding why should couldn't comprehend it this time round. "Liv it's not that black and white and you know it, you blurred that line for me. I wasn't asking you to outright lie, I wouldn't". She looked up to meet his gaze, "You are the only one that knew everything I went through the one and only time I wasn't 100% truthful on the stand, you know what I did, and what I said I'd never ever do again in the William Lewis trial." Great, she'd made it personal, and she was staring at him with a face of disappointment and angst that didn't help his resolve; it wasn't even about their current case anymore, but at least Rafael now had an idea why she'd responded so extremely to him.

He hated thinking about that time with Lewis, it made him feel sick, but he had come to the realisation that if he dwelled on it he'd have spiralled, plus Lewis was dead and their lives had moved on for the better. But in the midst of their argument, he felt that pain wash over him only adding to his awful day, and in that moment he didn't have any fight left in him. He couldn't do that to her, she was clearly thinking about that time, and regardless of right or wrong, he didn't want to stir it up any more. "I'm sorry". He wasn't sorry about what he'd asked her to do, but he was absolutely sorry for feelings it had unintentionally dragged up.

She didn't acknowledge his apology as she purposefully closed their bedroom door making it clear she didn't want him to follow. Their first argument hadn't been long or loud, but it had hit him hard and it didn't feel resolved; feeling defeated Rafael shrugged his jacket back on and quietly closed their front door behind him. He needed some air and some clarity.

Finding himself in a bar a few blocks away, he slid onto a barstool and ordered a double Macallan, downing it in one the amber liquid burned his throat in a good way, he motioned at the bar tender for another. He didn't plan on getting drunk, the first was to take the edge off, the second was for him to nurse and mope into.

Rafael had always felt that he could speak freely with Olivia, he rarely censored speaking his thoughts with her even if he knew she might not agree. It was one of the reasons he loved working with her, their sides might sometimes be opposite, their perspectives and opinions differing, but they were always, always united by the pursuit of justice for victims. Even though he had more understanding, he still couldn't completely comprehend how it had spectacularly backfired this time, and nearly two hours later he still wasn't finding the answers in the bottom of his whisky glass or from the million bar peanuts he'd eaten instead of going to find some actual food. Signing the cheque, he motioned a thanks at the bartender as he left, he felt buzzed but not in a good way. Rafael wasn't drunk, but the whisky that was normally his liquid comrade and would take the edge off, had instead left him feeling sad still. "Traitor" he muttered into the empty street, he knew it was ridiculous chastising an inanimate object, but no one could hear him.

It was late, a lot later than Rafael had realised, and his mind was swimming as he flagged down a taxi and gave his address. It wasn't until he was putting his key in his lock that he realised where he'd ended up, his apartment. Not Liv's. Resigning himself to a night on his own, he leafed through his post finding nothing of particular interest except for one; a letter from his mortgage advisor with a contract for him to sign. He sighed, the world was cruel. A mortgage approval for their dream house should be a happy occasion, throwing the letter on the counter to deal with another time, he picked a bottle of water from the refrigerator and padded into his bedroom. Taking a long shower, desperate to wash away the day, he rested his head against the cold tiles feeling sleep envelope him as fast as the water did. Perhaps tomorrow, in the light of a new day, things would be better. Turning off the water, he slipped on fresh boxers and a t-shirt, ran a towel roughly through his damp hair, and fell into bed. He'd forgotten how much he loved his bed, it was the first thing he'd purchased when he'd moved in, sparing no expense on a mattress that felt like a cloud, although it was ironic considering how many nights he'd spent on his office couch instead.

Staring at the ceiling and letting out a long sigh, Rafael curled up burying his face into his pillow wishing for sleep, but like the universe was out to get him, he just couldn't settle. The sleepiness he felt in the shower completely evaded him, and he tossed and turned.

Across town Olivia was still fuming at him, even more so that he'd left. She hadn't heard anything, not even a text, and as much as she was mad, she worried that she didn't know if he was safe or not. She knew all too well the horrors of their city, and she hated the idea that if anything were to happen their last words would be cross ones. It wasn't enough to forgive him though, and Olivia was almost glad of the distraction when Noah appeared in her doorway "Mama, donde esta Papi?" (where is Daddy?), his sleepy face and messy bed hair made her heart melt, not least the Spanish that had easily crept into his vocabulary lately, he was fast becoming bilingual. "He's had to go out sweet boy, come here" - it wasn't really a lie. Lifting the covers on Rafa's side so he could slip in beside her. "I had a bad dream Mama", 'Me too baby me too' she thought to herself, stroking her son's hair as his eyes drifted closed. Taking comfort from her little boy snuggled into her, and the rhythmic sensation of his chest rising and falling under her hand was enough to lull her to sleep too.

Rafael picked his phone up for what felt like 100th time to still see no message from Olivia, it was their first night since they got together (perhaps even before then) that they had not said any form of goodnight, and he felt awful, so awful it superseded their argument but not so much he would message her first. He was fully aware he was being petty, but it was in his DNA to hate losing, and that would feel like a loss. Yes, definitely petty.

Admitting defeat of sleep at least, he rolled back out of bed pulling on a hoodie and some joggers, the complete opposite of his daytime attire, pocketed his phone and keys and headed for the front door. New York might be the city that never sleeps, but at that time of night it didn't take long for his Uber to wind through the empty streets to Olivia's building. She might not be talking to him, but he would at least make sure he was there in the morning. He played back the conversation he and Olivia had in his office months ago 'Walking away isn't an option anymore. You have to be prepared to fight every time, even when things get tough', he had made a silent promise that day to live up to just that despite his sometimes emotional shortcomings, and he'd be damned if he was going to break that promise tonight. He was sure that subconsciously that's why he couldn't sleep too, he knew he was in the wrong when it came to leaving, and he knew he was in the wrong place.

Tiptoeing into the apartment, not wanting to try his luck with their bed, he opted for the couch. He knew his back wouldn't thank him in the morning, but perhaps Olivia would see his pending aching muscles as some kind of penance for him. He flopped down pulling the blanket draped over the back of the sofa over him, and before he had a chance to think, he was asleep.

Olivia was woken by an orange stream of light coming through the parting in the curtains, she knew it was the crack of dawn. Gently peeling off her son's leg and arm sprawled across her torso, like a ninja she slipped out of bed to get some water. Checking the time seeing she was right, 5.25am, she crept out towards the kitchen, thankful that she could perhaps get in another hour of shut eye before she had to face the day.

Instinctively, Olivia knew something was out of place as she left the bedroom, moving through the apartment her eyes rested on a sleeping Rafa. His mouth slightly parted, and his face looked tired and drawn even though he was asleep. Her heart momentarily soared; he came back. He didn't run. Olivia wasn't sure if it was the realisation that gave her the goosebumps that appeared on her arms, but taking in his sleeping form with his hood up and blanket tucked around his chin she realised it was also quite cold out here in their apartment. She knew their fight wasn't over, but she loved him, and how deeply she cared for him overtook any feeling of anger in that moment. Cupping his face with her hand and stroking her thumb across his cheek she whispered "Raf, wake up", shaking him gently. He must have been in a deep sleep as he jolted up right, "What, what, is everyone ok? Is Noah ok? You, you.." His eyes darted around her body taking her in "you're okay, you're here". Olivia had no idea what dream she must have woken him from, but he looked terrified. "Raf you're fine, we're all here, you're at home" she could visibly see the sleepy relief flood his brain. Grabbing his hand and tugging him forward with her, "come to bed, it's freezing out here". She wasn't going to give in and tell him she wanted him back in bed, so when he tried to speak mumbling "but.." She cut him off and simply said "It's your bed too". It was enough for Rafa to feel a little peace, that they could get through this, and he felt even more uplifted when he saw Noah asleep in the middle of the bed engulfed by pillows and duvet. For once Rafa would be more than grateful to wake up with Noah the wriggler's toes in his face.

They both settled into bed but things still felt a little frosty, there were no kisses, no touching not even a hand, and it felt wrong; but he was shattered, having had interrupted sleep peppered with nightmares. Instead of dissecting it all, he just cuddled Noah into him for comfort and fell back to sleep with his son's hand gripping his t-shirt.

Olivia was the first to rise in the morning, looking over as she left the room she shook her head and couldn't help but smile a little at the sight of Noah and Rafa clinging to each other as they slept, she was definitely outnumbered by boy's club, the two of them were thick as thieves even in sleep. Quietly she lifted Rafael's phone from the coffee table in the living room and checked his calendar, seeing he hadn't got meetings until 11am, she decided to let him sleep. She didn't feel completely over last night, but sleeping on it had helped, and she would always love Rafa so she wouldn't ever stop putting his wellbeing first.

Later that day Rafael made his way towards the precinct to witness a line up. Though he prayed that this wasn't going to be a case that ate into their weekend, that wasn't the biggest thing occupying his mind; he'd woken up a lot later than normal to an empty apartment so this was the first time he'd see Liv since the night before. When he'd woken up he'd initially panicked, first at the time and then at the emptiness, but that feeling had settled after finding a note from Olivia. 'Thought you could do with some more sleep, takeaway Luigi's on you tonight! Love you x'. He knew it wasn't over, but the dust had settled and the 'Love you' scribbled in her handwriting had done wonders to lighten his heavy heart.

Stopping at their favourite coffee cart, he bought two coffees and her favourite muffin, he wasn't above taking in back up bribery. Taking a deep breath, he exited the elevator on their floor. It was pretty quiet, but her could see the top of her head through the office window, and as much as he was a little nervous he was mostly glad to see her.

"Hey. Peace offering?" He quietly said in jest from the threshold of her doorway. Snapping her head up, she looked at him hovering, it must be the first time ever that he'd hesitated invading her office space. "Don't tell me you've lost your famous big brass bravado Rafael Barba?" she teased him, "I wasn't sure if I was stepping into no man's land" he was a tiny bit serious. He connected eyes with her as she got up from her chair and rounded the desk. He offered out the coffee, "If you think my favourite coffee is going to win me over you've got another think coming", so he silently offered out the muffin, "oh, nice play", taking the bag from him and setting both things down. She leaned against her desk, and the jovial atmosphere evaporated as Rafael looked at her with sincerity in his features "Mi Amor, I'm so sorry", "I know, me too" she replied. He crossed the short space between them and stood close to her, his legs either side of hers, leaning in to kiss her on the forehead. "Are you ok?" He knew she looked okay, but the overnight separation had felt like an eternity to him and he needed to hear it from her. "I am, I think. It all just came flooding back Rafa", "I never meant..", "I know you didn't.". He sighed and pulled her into him, workplace forgotten, her head on his chest and his fingers laced through her hair holding her close. "I love you", "I love you too", as her arms looped around his waist. Things still weren't completely resolved, Rafael still needed to know why that case had triggered her, and where he'd spectacularly poured fuel on the fire, but for now he could take this as a win. Now wasn't the time go deeper.