Chapter 10: No Regrets

Ellie's POV

"Not to be nosy or whatever, but shouldn't you be getting ready for your date?" I let out the word "date" in a biting tone. Would I ever learn to hold my tongue?

Sean was leaning over my shoulder between Jay and I as we glued our materials onto the photo frame. It's not that I minded him being there, but it was just making the whole situation uncomfortable. Me. Him. Just friends. That's how I want it, I swear, but it still will take a little bit to get used to. I'm not used to me and him being in close proximity to each other without making out. A light blush spread over my cheeks as I thought of the serious make-out sessions Sean and I had shared over the course of our relationship.

Sean shifted and his arm brushed against my shoulder. Dear. God. Why did that have to happen? "I guess. Are you finished Jay?"

"Does it look like I'm finished, dad?" Jay muttered as he put a dot of super glue on the back of a sequin.

Sean just kind of stayed in between us before giving a sigh and retreating to his bedroom. I glanced and Jay and we both laughed huskily at how annoyed he had sounded. Jay reached for the scissors across the table and his hand brushed against mine.

I felt nothing.

For all the little "flirting" Jay and I had done all day, there was absolutely no chemistry between us. At least not romantic chemistry. I could feel the start of a friendship chemistry. I could see Jay and I sharing sarcastic comments or making fun of Heather Sinclaire or Paige together, but never becoming romantically involved. The thought hadn't crossed my mind. He is with Alex, after all. But the way Sean had been acting today, it seems the thought had surely crossed his mind. That must be why he was staying so close to us.

"Are you sure this looks fine?"

Sean re-entered the living room area and I turned around in my chair to get a good look at him. Yes, he looked fine. He looked great. Handsome. Sophisticated. Not so... gangsterish? His hair was shaggy and messy, as usual, and he still slouched, even in his khakis and shirt, but he looked like he would make a good first impression with Darcy's parents. That thought made my heart sink.

"You look great," I offered. "I hope you and Darcy have a good time." I hope I sounded convincing. I don't think I did. Please God, let me have sounded convincing. I don't want to play the role of the jealous ex-girlfriend. Because I'm not. I don't need Sean. I don't need anyone. Except maybe a hot college guy to pass the time with. To make Sean jealous with... Woah, woah, woah! Did I seriously just think that? That is not what I meant.

"Hey, I didn't think you were a space cadet. Come on."

I came out of my reverie when I felt Jay elbow me in shoulder. I shook my head and noticed that he had put the picture into the frame and was ready to go. Sean had put on a zip-up hoodie and was slipping his wallet into his pocket. I slipped my own hoodie on over my shoulders and followed the two boys out of the apartment.

Jay's POV

I looked over at Ellie with her head leaning against the car window and tapped my fingers against the steering wheel. We had just dropped Sean off at Darcy's and I couldn't help but notice the event had put a damper on Ellie's mood. A serious damper.

"Hey, vampire. You okay?" I wasn't really concerned, but the tension was thick in the air and I'm not one for weird situations.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?" Someone sounded a bit defensive. She pushed her hair back behind her ears and leaned back in her seat.

"I don't know. You just seemed a bit abrasive when we dropped Sean off. Hardly convincing, if you ask me."

She crossed her arms, "Well, no one was asking you. And since when do you use words like abrasive?"

I shrugged and drummed to the beat of the AC/DC song playing in the background. "Since you started throwing big, three-syllable words around in my presence. You know, it's okay if you still have feelings for Sean. It's not like anyone expects you to get over him so easy."

She laughed drily as I pulled into her driveway. "Listen, no one expects me to be over Sean, but it's okay for Sean to be going on his second relationship since me. It's okay for him to get over me so easily. It's expected. Well, I'm not going to wait around for him. I'm not going to sit around while he has all the fun. I've stayed in the background for far too long and, personally, I'm sick of everyone pitying me. Everyone telling me I'm not good enough. Sean should be the one obsessing over me. I was way too goddamn good for him anyway."

Woah. I didn't realize I'd be getting a monologue from her. It's like she revealed her deepest emotions to me. Me, Jay Hogart, not used to this. No way. Alex likes to express her feelings through a fist or other activities. I'm not used to girls opening up to me and actually saying stuff. So, how do I deal with this? Am I supposed to be sensitive and nod and agree or am I supposed to tell her to get over it and drive away?

She gathered her backpack and purse from the car and threw a quick "thanks" to me before slamming the door shut. I watched as her figure entered through the door and then disappeared behind it. Yeah, she was so over Sean. I laughed too myself and turned the music up. Sometimes girls could be so transparent.

Sean's POV

I licked my lips again and then rubbed my sweaty palms on the knees of my pants. What was taking Darcy so long? Wasn't she supposed to be waiting for me? I glanced up at the stairs for the tenth time in five minutes and then back at her parents. They smiled widely at me, but I could tell they weren't pleased. I looked around the house at the framed pictures, the vase of fresh flowers, the candy dish on the coffee table. Before I knew what I was doing, I saw my hand reach out and grab a huge handful of M&Ms before promptly shoving them in my mouth. Damn. Now I was going to have a chocolate mouth.

I wiped a hand across my sweaty forehead and let out a quiet sigh. Come on, Darcy. Come on, Darcy. Hurry up! I cursed her for taking so long. She better look worth the wait. There was no way I was waiting this long for a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I thought back to my first date with Ellie. That had been a disaster. Mainly because she had dragged her gay best friend along. Like I wanted to get things on with Ellie while Marco was sitting there. That would have been too weird. But she did look beautiful. She smelled wonderful, too. Like roses. I remembered the smell of her perfume as she sat so close to me in the theatre. I just wanted to reach out and grab her hand but she was too busy yucking it up with the fag next to her.

"Sean?" My head shot up and I widened my eyes towards Darcy's parents.

"You were falling asleep," Darcy's mom explained. Did she just roll her eyes slightly?

From now on, every time I see someone roll their eyes, I will automatically think of Ellie. I smiled at the image in my head. Her rolling her eyes and then making some scathing remark towards something she thought was wrong or unfair.

"Okay, I'm ready!" Darcy chirped as she bounded down the stairs. I smiled. She really was cute. She was different from every other girl I had dated. Emma had been too serious. Amy had just been a slut. Ellie had been... well, I can't even compare her to Ellie.

"So you met my parents?"

"Yeah, I met them." And they're a pair of snobs. I took her hand and gave a quick smile at her parents before heading out the door with her.

As soon as we left the house, Darcy turned to me and gave me a weird look. "You could have been more polite to my parents, you know."

"What?" Was she serious? How did she know how I had acted? She was upstairs putting on her jeans and sweater. What the hell had taken her so long?

"I can tell they were a bit... put off."

"Well, maybe that wasn't my fault."

Darcy shrugged and grabbed my hand. "You're right. Who cares. I'm starving!"

We walked towards The Dot and grabbed a booth close to the back. I saw Spinner working behind the counter and I gave a small wave to him. He watched Darcy and I with interest before coming over to take our orders.

"I'll have a gardenburger. And fries. And a coke. You?"

Darcy studied the menu and then shut it. "A fish sandwhich and fries. Oh, and a... coke, also."

Spinner nodded and went into the kitchen to place the orders. I turned my attention back to Darcy. "So..."

"So..."

"Did I tell you what happened between Jay and Alex?"

"No, what happened?"

"Jay forgot their anniversary. Alex got pissed. So Jay, Ellie, and I went after school to get her a present. Jay actually made her a picture frame and put a picture of-..."

"Lame. Who gets upset over a missed anniversary? How long have they been dating? A couple of months? I think people place way too much importance on an anniversary. And, if he really wants her to forgive him, he should have bought her something. Not make her some lame frame for some lame picture."

I wrinkled my brow and played with the salt and pepper shakers to my left. "Well... the idea didn't seem lame before."

"Well, it was."

Wow. At least she was honest. She spoke her mind. Kind of like Ellie.

Spinner appeared with our orders and I gave a silent thank-you. At least now I wouldn't have to keep up a conversation the entire time. I couldn't wait to get to the movies so we could just make out in the dark. On second thought, what was the point of wasting money on a movie we weren't going to watch?

"Hey, do you just want to go back to my place and watch a movie? Cuddle on the couch?" Ugh. I just used the word cuddle. But if it meant I'd be getting past first base with her then it was worth it.

Darcy chewed on a fry. "Sure. Not like we'll be watching much of the movie anyway." She gave me a smile and I smiled back. Now this is what I'm talking about.

I ran my hands along the back of Darcy's sweater until I reached the hem. How far would she let me go? I reached under her sweater and rubbed my hands up and down her smooth back. Okay, so far, so good. Now if I could just get her bra undone. There. She didn't make a single protest. I moaned as she pushed me down on the couch. Clearly, she wanted things to go further. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and concentrated on being with her at that moment.

I trailed a series of kisses from Ellie's mouth to her neck, lightly biting on her skin. She laughed and murmured that it tickled. Her words into my ear was the sexiest thing I'd ever heard. She wrapped her arms tightly around my neck and pulled herself closer to me. We had gone out on three dates now. The disastrous movie fiasco, out to dinner one night, and just tonight we had gone to the video arcade and then a café for coffee. Now we were back at my place, Tracker was out with friends, and the lights were dim. In short, the perfect romantic setup. My grip on Ellie's waist tightened and I slightly raised her off of the couch and repositioned her so she was sitting in my lap. My hands slid down and I rested them on her thighs. Why did she have to decide to wear jeans on this date? Why couldn't she be wearing one of her normal skirts right now? I just wanted to feel every inch of her skin against mine. But, as if she had foreseen the night's events, she had dressed to mock my intentions. Jeans and layers and layers of tops. I moaned as she slipped her tongue into my mouth and closed my fingers tighter around her legs. She was seriously killing me.

Her hands slid from around my neck to my shoulders, her fingers lightly massaging me. Have I ever felt this way about a girl before? The closest thing would have to be Emma, but even she and I didn't have this much chemistry. And I had known her for a quite awhile before we had started dating. I had just encountered the force that is Ellie Nash. And already she was wreaking havoc on me.

Ellie whimpered against my mouth and pulled me closer to her by my neck. I think a piece of me died right there. That's the effect that one little whimper had on me. Imagine what would happen if we...

"I'm ready."

I opened my eyes and looked at Darcy on top of me. Ready? Ready for what? "Huh?"

Darcy smiled and reached to pull her sweater over her head. And I stopped her. "No!" I shouted and shot out from underneath her. "Keep it on!" What was I doing? Here, this girl was offering herself to me. Wanting me. And I was telling her no. What kind of guy am I? Who tells a girl he doesn't want to have sex with her. But every time I tried to imagine having sex with her, a certain redhead's face kept popping up in my mind. This really isn't good.

Ellie's POV

"So, how do I look?" I turned around so Ashley could have a better view of my outfit for the frat party: a sheer long-sleeved shirt, an Andy Warhol "Banana" shirt, a light blue corduroy mini, sheer tights, and stiletto ankle boots.

Ashley's mouth dropped open and she smiled, "If I weren't straight, I'd jump you right now. Could that skirt get any shorter?"

"It's not too short, is it?" I asked worried. I tugged on the micro-mini a bit, but it stayed where it was.

"No, no, no! I think it looks awesome. The guys will be drooling. That skirt is so cute."

"Thanks," I grabbed my usual necklaces from my vanity and put them around my neck. "I'll take you to where I got it sometime and we can go shopping. I really like your blazer, by the way."

Ashley tugged on her light grey blazer and grinned, "What? This old thing?" She laughed and grabbed a tube of lipstick from my vanity. "Ugh, I need a little color in these lips. I look like a dead fish."

I giggled and applied a coat of clear lip gloss, "I myself am going for the juicy lips tonight."

"We sound like Paige."

"Oh, but sometimes it's so nice to see how the other half lives."

We both burst out laughing and I grabbed my cell phone. "I'll give Marco a call and tell him we're on our way."

Marco gripped his door handle and leaned far back in his seat. "Are you kidding me? Slow down!"

I laughed and pressed harder on the gas. "Perks of having the last name Nash."

Ashley leaned forward and turned the cd player up. "Ooh! I love this song!"

We all sang along to "Should I Stay or Should I Go". Even Marco was rocking out, which was good because his constant bickering was starting to get on my nerves.

"Wow, El. You should sing for the Sasquatch sometime. You sound great!"

I gave Marco a look and rolled my eyes. Oh great. I just had to go and open my mouth and sing in front of them. Ashley punched me lightly on the shoulder, "You're voice is awesome! Why didn't I know this before?"

"Because it's not. So I can sing one song fairly well. That doesn't mean a thing."

Marco and Ashley gave each other a look and laughed, "Whatever!" Ashley turned the song up even louder, but I made sure not to sing along this time. Instead I just hummed.

"And who are you?" I looked up and met a pair of beautiful green eyes.

I put the CD I had been looking at down and smiled flirtatiously, "Ellie."

"Well, Ellie. I don't remember ever seeing you here before. The name's Dan."

"Well, Dan. That's because I've never been here before."

"Social outcast?"

"No, just different social circles."

He gave an understanding nod and smiled with two rows of perfect, white teeth. He really was cute. I really liked how his shaggy black hair kind of curled at the end of his collar. "You're running low on your drink!"

"Huh?"

He leaned closer and whispered into my ear, "You're running low on your drink!"

I had heard him perfectly the first time, but I just wanted to feel his breath against my ear. It felt wonderful. I held out my cup and he took it for me. I followed him to the keg and he filled it up for me. I took a sip and leaned seductively against the wall. If I positioned myself just right, he'd be able to see more of my right thigh than he could now.

"It's kind of loud in here. Do you want to go somewhere more quiet?" I found myself nodding to his question without even thinking about it first. But seriously, what's a girl to do?

We escaped to an upstairs bedroom and sat down on the bed together, our legs touching. Okay, this was his chance. All he had to do was lean forward and I'd gladly meet him halfway. The alcohol in my system was making me less inhibited. But Dan didn't make a move. Instead, he just sighed and scratched his forehead. "The noise was starting to get to me. I like to actually have an intelligent conversation with a girl. Even ones I meet at parties."

"Even ones who are well on their way to being completely wasted?" I blurted out. Ouch. Did I really just say that? How desperate did I sound?

Dan chuckled and took a hold of my hand, rubbing it in between both of his. "Yes, even girls like you. So, where are you from?"

I may have been acting a bit more flirty than usual tonight, but I wasn't about to lie. I don't lie. "Degrassi Community School."

"Oh, okay. I have a friend that used to go there. What are you doing up here?"

"Trying to forget an ex-boyfriend." Why was my mouth running before I could even analyze what I was about to say? I feel so stupid. He must think I'm an idiot.

"Yeah, I know how that is. I just broke up with a girl a few weeks ago. We dated for about six months. It was getting pretty serious. But she just changed and... I wasn't feeling it anymore."

I focused in on his mouth while he talked. His mouth was so cute. His lips were full and wow... they would feel really great on mine. I wish he would just shut up and kiss me. Maybe I should take the lead and just kiss him. But then I'd look like a huge tramp. I didn't want that. I took another sip of my beer. What beer was this? The eleventh? Yeah, that's right. "My ex-
boyfriend decided we were getting too serious. Frankly, he changed also. He started getting all worried about his macho-image. Like I could give a shit about how tough he was. I don't care. He's old news. He's already moved on."

"And you're looking to moving on, too?" Dan leaned in closer to me and I positioned my head just right. He was definitely going to kiss me. All I had to do was say the magic words.

"Yes."

And he kissed me.

So, serious, hard-working, ambitious Ellie hooked up with some random guy. Okay, he isn't random.I know his name (Dan!), we talked for ten minutes, and... well, I'm pretty sure I'll be seeing him again real soon. He invited me up for another party Sunday night. I know, I know, I have school the next day, but, honestly, I've handled it this way before. Back when I was bad. Back when I had fun and did whatever the hell I wanted. Back when I didn't have to worry about guys like Sean or girls like Darcy stealing my freaking position on the newspaper.

I didn't tell Marco or Ashley about me hooking up with Dan. They both would have probably freaked knowing them. They would think that I'm rebelling or some bullshit like that. If they only knew how it used to be... I still have Dan's cell phone number on a slip of paper burning a hole in my purse. That number is the key to resolving all my problems. It's my pass to every party, it's my link to Dan, it's my ticket to a better life. A life with a guy who actually wants to be with me. Who knows nothing about me. Who has no expectations of me.

So, it looks like I'll be taking the Corvette out again soon. This time, though, I'll be alone. And this time, I'll stay the night with Dan. And then we'll become a couple. And I won't ever have to deal with trivial, high-school guys ever again. I like the thought of that.

It's Monday and my weekend was eventful:

Saturday- recovered from major hangover.

Sunday- partied at the frat again.

So it looks like I'll be heading up to University again tomorrow night. Dan can't stand being without me, it seems. It's nice to have someone actually want you around. I really think he cares about me. I don't know how deep my feelings go for him. But it sure beats being lonely all the time.