Chapter 10 – Rejoice
Memory, memory, what do you want of me? AutumnMakes the thrush fly through colourless air,
And the sun casts its monotonous glare
On the yellowing woods, where the north winds hum.
We were alone, and walking in dream,
She and I, hair and thoughts wind-blown.
Then, turning her troubling gaze on me,
'Your loveliest day?' asked her voice of fine gold,
Her voice, with its angel's tone, fresh, vibrant, sweet.
I gave her my answer, a smile so discreet,
And kissed her white hand with devotion.
– Ah! The first flowers, what a fragrance they have!
And how charming the murmured emotion
Of a first 'yes' let slip from lips that we love!
(Paul Verlaine, "Nevermore", translation ofPoèmes Saturniens: Mélancholia II )
From Chapter 9-
I was so befuddled by her thoughts of my body pressed against hers that I almost missed noticing when her memories changed. The new memory was a vision of me, kneeling amongst the wildflowers, with her hands clasped in mine. I was stunned by the look in my eyes. So much love, so much happiness radiated out of me, and it was all for her. Regardless of the vision, her next words shocked me to my very core.
"Edward, I have to tell you something very important. The last day we were here, together in the meadow, you asked me to marry you. And I said yes."
August 1927
When I heard the word marriage uttered, I was forcefully reminded that I still retained some human, male frailties. I gulped and I stared at Liz in surprise. Marriage? My initial reaction to her words was shock and not a little fear. I was also overwhelmed with tremendous joy that this woman had agreed to be mine. Then, I felt confusion. I had asked Elizabeth to be my wife when I had only been seventeen years old?
"Liz, please do not take this the wrong way, but why did we get betrothed so young? You would have been only sixteen and I seventeen and neither of us had even finished school yet."
I wished the words back as soon as I had spoken them when Elizabeth's face fell. All she could think about was that I didn't want to marry her anymore. It wasn't that I didn't want to marry her. It was just shock that she still might want to marry me.
I grasped her hands in mine and blurted out, "Liz, love…I didn't mean that I don't want to marry you. It's just that..." Liz interrupted me before I could continue.
"We loved each other, Edward. We were going to get married when we finished school and move to Paris. You had plans to study at the Conservatoire de Paris and become a great composer. I was going to apply to the Ecole de Beaux-Arts to study drawing. Oh Edward, it would have been so romantic living in Paris together and pursuing our dreams like we had planned." Liz sighed deeply remembering back to our madcap plans for moonlight walks along the Seine, a little apartment in the rooftops of Paris and candlelit dinners at little sidewalk cafes.
I vowed then and there that I would make that dream come true for Elizabeth one day. Carlisle had amassed a fortune over his hundreds of years of existence and constantly pressed more money on me than I knew what to do with. I never really needed it or wanted it before, but now I would use it to take Elizabeth anywhere she wanted in the world.
I tugged her hands towards me, then leaned in close and kissed her fingertips, "Elizabeth…we will live in Paris one day. I swear it." I vowed to her solemnly.
Elizabeth bit her lip before a tremulous smile brightened her face. I couldn't help but close the distance between us and press my lips to hers. She grasped my fingers in a tight grip and pushed forward to deepen the kiss. I pulled back from her, anxious that my venomous teeth did not mar her perfectly soft lips.
"Sharp teeth, remember?" I reminded her and she blushed prettily before dipping her head.
I remembered something that Liz had said earlier that had slipped past my notice at the time, which I now needed to ask her about.
"Liz, you said before that we had found a way to be together even though our parents had tried to stop us. Why did they try to stop us from seeing each other?"
Elizabeth's face grew red with anger when memories of her father banning her from seeing me slipped through her mind. She explained to me that her little sister, Marie, had inadvertently let slip to her mother that Elizabeth was with me in the meadow. When she had come home that day slightly dishevelled, her parents thought that I had taken advantage of their daughter and had behaved inappropriately. They would not listen when Elizabeth had tried to explain about our love for each other nor that I had not acted disrespectfully towards her.
From then on, Elizabeth had been restricted to the school and to the library. Her memories of our meetings at the library were all of longing looks, fervent declarations of our love for each other and the clasp of our hands under the desk as we pretended to concentrate on our studies. Elizabeth's memories of that time were so crystal clear it was like we were there again. I could almost smell the musty parchment and hear the quiet whispers of the students.
"We ditched school at the end of that week and went to the meadow where you asked me to marry you. We were so deliriously happy, Edward. That is, until your parents found out that we were more serious about each other than they realized. You had missed one of your piano rehearsals for the concert. Your parents found out when the conductor sent a note to your father. He was furious with you. I will never forget your face when we met the next day at the library. You told me that you had never seen him so angry. Your father forbade you to see me any more. He told you that your brilliant career as a concert pianist was worth more than your childish notions of love for a silly little girl."
I gasped. Elizabeth was describing one of the few partial memories I had of my father. "I remember him yelling at me about my career, but I never remembered why." I murmured in distress. It was the last memory, before my change, that I could recall clearly. It had always weighed heavily on me that my father was so angry with me before he died. Especially since I had no recall as to what I had done for him to turn on me the way that he had.
I had been in the music room at our home in Chicago, sitting in front of my piano, my father pacing back and forth in front of me. He had been so mad when he had thrown open the door and charged into the room, still wearing his coat and hat, his face red with anger.
He had yelled at me, "Edward, I will not tolerate your insubordination. You are a minor and living under my roof. You are too young to make decisions like this which will affect the rest of your life. Your mother and I have made sacrifices to nurture your talent. You will not throw away all you have worked for. You will be this country's most eminent concert pianist. Nothing should be more important to you than that. Absolutely nothing!"
That was it, and try as hard as I might, I had never remembered anything else. Shortly thereafter, my family was gone and I was wandering the countryside with Carlisle. My last memory of my father was his disappointment in me. I truly had no idea what I had done to deserve his ire, until now.
Elizabeth was watching my face and the expressions flitting across it while I processed everything I remembered. Oh… the note Elizabeth dropped last night..! I pulled the much folded music score out of my pocket where I had placed it before running to help Liz. Elizabeth took it out of my hands and stroked the paper lovingly.
I picked up one of her hands in mine and caressed it gently with the tips of my fingers before lifting it and pressing my lips against her fingers. "Liz, why were you in the clearing so late last night, crying as if your heart was breaking?"
Elizabeth turned a beautiful shade of pink and hid her eyes from me. I placed two of my fingers under her chin, and gently lifted her face, until her eyes were once again looking at mine. As usual, her teeth were biting her lip in consternation, which was extremely distracting.
"Oh that…" she mumbled, "…my father has become very upset with me. According to him, I am on old maid who is wasting my life away, pining over a boy I hardly knew. Last night, he threatened that if I did not find myself a man to marry, then he would find someone for me. I just couldn't contemplate being with anyone else but you, Edward. I would rather be alone for the rest of my days than be forced to be with someone I would not and could not love."
My heart clenched. The idea of Elizabeth marrying another man was abhorrent to me. I thought then of William Strider, the business associate of Elizabeth's father, and his continued attempts at wooing Elizabeth. The thought of that man's thick fingers entwined in Elizabeth's beautiful hair, his course lips merging with hers, sickened me. He had wanted to possess her, to own her. He didn't care about her alert mind, her sweet nature, her romantic heart. Not like I did.
I tightened my grip on her fingers without realizing it and Elizabeth twitched in discomfort. My hands gentled on hers and then I raised her long slender fingers to my lips in apology.
No matter how instinctive the feelings I had for Elizabeth were or how clear her memories were of the two of us together, I knew we both needed to spend time getting to know each other again. My circumstances had changed so much and Elizabeth needed to know what she was letting herself in for being with me. I wanted to spend my every moment with her, getting to know her again and not just through her memories.
I lifted her face towards me with my fingers under her chin and stared deeply into her eyes as, with trepidation, I asked, "Elizabeth, may I call on you?"
Elizabeth looked slightly startled at my question and stammered out, "How will...what…my family…why?"
She looked adorable in her confusion. "Liz, love, we need to spend time together to get to know each other again and if you are with me openly then your father cannot pressure you and choose another suitor for you."
"But…how can you…you are…Edward, my family will remember you and how will I explain to them that you are not dead after all?"
I chuckled, giddy with joy at the idea of courting Elizabeth properly and in the open, not skittering from tree to tree, furtively shadowing her around town. "What if I become Edward Masen's cousin, Anthony Cullen? I can be visiting downtown Chicago on business where we meet on your way home from the hospital this afternoon."
Elizabeth slowly nodded her head and a wide smile brightened her face before falling again into shadow. "Won't they think it odd that you look exactly like you, you know, Edward Masen?"
I was pretty sure that from everything Elizabeth had told me that I hadn't had too much to do with her family and that they probably only had a faint memory of my face anyway. It had been nine years after all. "Liz, I don't think that your family will recall my face all that clearly and anyway, Anthony Cullen will just have to bear an uncanny resemblance to his cousin, Edward Masen."
Just then, the sun broke through the clouds that had been darkening the meadow and I could tell when Elizabeth saw the reason why I kept to the woods and stayed in the shadows. She shielded her eyes with one hand and reached out the other to touch my face sparkling brightly in the bright midday sun. She gasped in shock and all I heard from both her lips and running through her mind were the words, "Beautiful…so beautiful."
I ducked my head in embarrassment and this time she lifted my face to hers. "Don't hide, Edward. I guess this is why vampires don't come out in the daytime? "I nodded and she continued, "Please tell me you don't sleep in a coffin like in that movie?" Oh Lord, she had a sense of humor. I loved it!
This time I laughed out loud. "No Liz, my love, I don't own a coffin and I definitely would never sleep in one, in fact I don't sleep at all."
"Not ever? Don't you get tired?"
"Liz, I haven't slept since 1918 and no, I don't get tired. Although I used to long for sleep so that I could dream of you."
Elizabeth smiled at my words and then looked up at the sky in a panic realizing how late it had become. "Oh dear, I have to go now or I will be late to the hospital."
The brief moment of sunshine disappeared as quickly as it had come and dark clouds obscured the sun from the meadow. I smiled when I realized that I could prolong my time with Elizabeth. I bowed formally to her and then crooked my elbow, "Shall we, my dear?" Elizabeth threaded her arm through mine and we walked towards town and her volunteer job at the hospital. Elizabeth looked at me uncertainly as we walked up to the front entrance and I assured her I would be waiting at the coffee shop across the road for her at the end of her shift.
My mind turned to practical matters then. I would need to be prepared to answer any questions that Elizabeth's family may ask about me and my intentions. With that, I set about constructing a past for my cousin, Anthony, and a reason for him to be in town for a few months. Once that was out of the way, I started thinking about all of the things I wanted to experience with Elizabeth in my courtship of her.
I had to remember to look like I was drinking all of the coffee I kept ordering but my mind was distracted today. The plants in the planter box next to me were still drowning in all of the coffee that I had pretended to consume over the last weeks. I really needed a new place to wait for Elizabeth.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, I spied Liz walking down the steps of the hospital building across the road. I threw down some money on the table and high-tailed it across the road in a bubble of enthusiasm to be with her again. She smiled at my eagerness and took my arm while we walked towards her home, as I outlined my new background to her.
As we neared her house, I slid her hand down from my elbow and twined her fingers around mine squeezing lightly. Turning to face her, I swallowed nervously and asked her to accompany me to the matinee at the movie theatre tomorrow and then to dinner. She nodded quickly and I arranged to pick her up at 2pm the next day to meet her family as Anthony Cullen.
I think I might have actually done a little dance down the road, feeling so alive and hopeful for our future. I decided that to perpetuate the myth of Anthony Cullen, I couldn't continue to stay amongst the trees and made my way back to town at vampire speed. I checked into the Palmer House Hotel on the corner of State and Monroe Streets and went about setting up my new identity.
First, the switchboard operator helped me to place calls to a number of real estate agents to organize appointments during the week for me to view some potential factories to purchase. Carlisle was always telling me to do something with the money that he kept showering on to me and I thought I could kill two birds with one stone: start amassing income earning investments and facilitate my reason for being in town. Next, I walked down State Street and purchased a new wardrobe from Marshall Field's in order to squire Liz around town. I purchased items from grey flannel trousers to a black tuxedo and everything in between.
With my shopping out of the way, I returned to the hotel around 6pm and commenced pacing back forth shortly thereafter. I paced the room for hours, not very patiently, waiting for morning so that I could finish my arrangements and be with Liz again. Sometime around midnight, I gave up any semblance of patience and left the hotel to return to the forest to hunt. I may have passed Elizabeth's home on the way back to the hotel just to listen to her steady heartbeat for a while. It was on my way…
On the walk back to the hotel, I passed The Chicago Theatre on State Street and saw that the movie "The Jazz Singer" was playing at the matinee session tomorrow. I grinned as I remembered hearing some very good things about the movie starring Al Jolson and couldn't help feeling that everything I planned was coming together nicely.
At 10:00am sharp the next morning, I again left the hotel turning right this time towards the motor car dealership that the concierge had informed me about. There was no way that I would countenance William Strider taking Elizabeth home in his automobile, allowing him to be in such close proximity to my sweetheart any longer. I didn't trust him near her and wanted to eliminate the possibility as much as I could.
I wandered into the dealership and chose a gleaming, black, 2 seat, model T Ford Roadster almost immediately. The salesmen fawned over me when they realized I would be paying cash, which I had withdrawn from the Bank of America late yesterday, and the sale went through seamlessly in the name of Anthony Cullen. Once the paperwork was all signed and the beauty was mine, I slid behind the wheel and settled into the blood red leather upholstery and motored out of the gate and back to the hotel parking garage where I left the car a little reluctantly, yet eager to get ready for my date with Elizabeth.
I rummaged through the clothes and accessories I had purchased the previous afternoon and finally settled on a pair of light grey flannel trousers, a white soft-collared shirt, and a charcoal Norfolk jacket with box pleats down each side and a belt at the back. I also picked out a camel hair polo coat; even though the cold didn't affect me, I didn't want to look out of place when everyone else bundled up when the temperature dropped later in the evening. I snagged a tie from the pile on the bed, a sleeveless undershirt and shorts and finally my wingtip oxford shoes.
Once I had everything I needed, I laid it out on the chair in the corner, then ran warm water in the claw-foot bath, a luxury I hadn't realized I had missed since I had left Carlisle and Esme. As I lay there in the warm bath water trying to calm my nerves, my mind drifted to all that had happened in the last twenty four hours. Not only had I finally shown myself to Elizabeth, held her hand, kissed her lips, I was now embarking on the first step to making a commitment to her
Although my mind had at first been filled with the impossibilities of such a union, Elizabeth and her belief in our love had opened my eyes to all the wondrous opportunities ahead of us. We had been given a second chance at love and I decided that I was going to grab all that my new life offered me with open arms.
Unable to wait a minute more, I unfolded myself from the bath and dried myself briskly before getting dressed into the outfit I had selected to wear on my first date with Elizabeth. Well, the first date that I remember anyway. Once dressed, I attempted to tame my hair, eventually giving up and just running my fingers through it, until it fell into place. As I walked towards the door, I grabbed my fedora from the hook and placed it on my head at a jaunty angle before closing and locking the door and walking down the hall.
Eagerly I descended in the elevator to the basement parking garage and once I reached the car, pressed the starter button on the floor in front of the driver's seat. The Ford's engine rumbled to life as I jumped up into my seat, released the brake and drove off down the street. The day was overcast thankfully and I opened the windows fully. As I reached the outskirts of town, I opened her up to its top speed of 45mph. I laughed joyfully as the wind whipped past me. Although I could easily outrun this car without any effort, I was dizzy with euphoria that I was on my way to see Elizabeth.
Like any normal man on his first date with the woman of his dreams, I was anxious to make a good impression on her parents, her father particularly. I had earlier purchased a bunch of freesias for Elizabeth, some chocolates for her mother and sister and a box of shortbread for her father. The presents were sitting on the seat next to me and as I parked the Ford in front of the gate, I leaned over and scooped them up in my arms before stepping down from the car.
As I reached the front door, I juggled the presents in my left arm, raised my right hand to knock and was amused when the door swung open in front of me and Elizabeth darted out to meet me. Her face was alight with happiness and I could hear her thoughts churning with the delight of being able to see me out in the open. I held one of her hands in my free hand and twirled her around to take in her appearance. I hadn't ever seen her dressed up like this before and I was almost struck dumb with the sight of her beauty.
Elizabeth was wearing a black, drop waisted, sleeveless, beaded dress with pleats that just brushed her knees leaving her arms and stockinged legs visible. I was captivated by the sight of so much bare skin. My eyes were drawn to the pale white skin of her arms and her ever so delicate ankles. I couldn't resist and skimmed my fingers up her arm. Elizabeth shivered in response and her eyes snapped to mine, her thoughts awash with the sensations of my skin against hers.
Instinctively I leaned towards Elizabeth's soft lips but her little sister, Marie, pushed past her in the doorway and squealed in excitement on seeing my car. She scurried straight past us and ran her hands over the paintwork. I cringed at the sight of the fingermarks on the gleaming paintwork and Elizabeth admonished her for both ignoring me and for touching my car.
Marie backed away from the car with a mulish expression and then stuck out her hand to shake mine. I shook it gingerly and Marie pulled back with a gasp exclaiming how cold my fingers were. I murmured that I was pleased to meet her and that my hands were cold from the cold air rushing past the open windows. She shrugged and then asked excitedly whether I would take her for a drive in the car but before I could answer her, Elizabeth scolded her for being so forward and reminded her that we had plans today. I chuckled at her eagerness and assured her little sister that I would indeed take her for a ride in my car soon. Reassured, she scampered into the house and yelled out to her parents that Elizabeth's man friend was here.
Elizabeth blushed furiously at her little sister's actions but I was quick to let her know that everything was fine. Elizabeth grabbed my hand then and tugged me back towards the house to meet her parents. I could hear that she was nervous from the thumping of her heart and the litany of assurances she was uttering in her mind that everything would be alright. I squeezed her fingers ever so lightly and whispered that everything would be alright and she shouldn't worry so much.
She nodded her head at my words and seemed to relax as we walked into the formal sitting room and faced her parents reclining on the sofa. Her father stood at our entrance into the room and came over to shake my hand. He noted the coolness also, but his thoughts betrayed that he had been spying on my arrival through the gap in the curtains. He simply assumed my cool hands were from the cold air.
I introduced myself to Charles and Mary Swanson as Anthony Cullen as planned. I was relieved that I had been right and Elizabeth's parents merely noted a family resemblance to Edward Masen, their minds showed no suspicion of my true identity or nature. Of course, they were both curious about me, although Mary Swanson, I noted, was vastly relieved that Elizabeth and I had started courting. She was very much afraid that her husband would have pushed Elizabeth to marry William Strider, which in her opinion would have been a huge mistake.
Both thought I looked a little on the young side but the presence of the expensive car, my innate good manners as well as my knowledgeable discussion about the local property market and investment opportunities relieved their minds. Thank God that, for the 9 years of endless days and nights, I had used my time to amass a far ranging knowledge of finance, medicine, music and literature. My ability to read other's minds also gave me inordinately good insight on human behaviour and an unfair advantage, I suppose, in negotiating deals.
In fact, her father was congratulating himself on raising a sensible daughter who held out for the right sort of man. It was difficult to hold back my grin at his thoughts when I knew that only a few days ago he had been pressuring Elizabeth to date anyone. After a few more minutes of small talk and reassurances to her father that I would return Elizabeth home before midnight, Elizabeth retrieved her coat and I escorted her out to my new car.
I opened the passenger door with a flourish, took her hand in mine, assisted her up the step and then onto the leather seat. I closed the door with a click, walked quickly to my side and jumped into my seat. Her parents had come to the front door to wave us off so I refrained from taking Elizabeth's hand in mine until we had motored out of their sight. Elizabeth turned to look at me and her smile, like her thoughts, were like sunshine bursting through the darkest clouds.
"We did it, Edward! They really like you. I'm so happy right now I could sing."
I smiled at her and then said, "I love to hear you sing, Elizabeth. That's how I found you in the woods that day, you know. I heard the most beautiful voice singing about waiting for a man to love and I had no choice but to follow it and then I found you."
"You heard me sing?" Elizabeth whispered, "Oh my! How embarrassing. I am a terrible singer."
"On the contrary, sweet Liz, you have the most beautiful voice imaginable. If I hadn't heard you sing then I would not have been intrigued to see who was singing so sweetly and I would have left Chicago without ever meeting you again. I would have lived for all eternity on my own, a shadow of a man without you. "
"Oh, Edward, I can't believe this is really happening? A few days ago my life was monotonous and without real joy and today we are starting on the first day of a new life together. Here is the future that we dreamed of all those years ago. I am so happy I may just burst."
I chuckled at Elizabeth's words and agreed wholeheartedly. Today was the start of our new life together. My life could not have been more perfect. This was better than any dream.
I drove past the hotel I was staying in and parked the car on the street near the theatre. As we walked down the sidewalk I placed my arm around Liz's back protectively. I could feel her warm skin through the material of her dress and this close, her natural scent and her strawberry shampoo was tantalizing my senses. I paid for the tickets and escorted her to our seats.
Once Elizabeth was seated, I sat down myself and draped my arm over the back of her chair, just barely skimming her back. Unable to keep my distance, I threaded the ends of her hair through my fingers and as the shiny, sweet-smelling strands slipped over my skin, I studied her face as she watched the big screen.
She kept glancing at me and smiling and once, about ten minutes into the movie, asked me why I was not watching the screen. I whispered to her that I couldn't take my eyes off her and as she blushed, I leaned over and kissed her pink stained cheeks softly. The smell of her freesia scented blood, so close to the surface of her skin, was hypnotizing.
I had no urge to drink from her at all, but her scent and every touch was intoxicating to me in other ways. She bewitched me so that all I could think about was her. The strawberry strands of her hair against my fingers were silky soft. Her pink stained cheeks were like porcelain and I ached to rub my own cheek against hers to feel the soft warm skin against mine. Her fingers as they gripped my arm when she laughed or cried in the movie were like steel bands binding me to her. It seemed like no time at all before the darkness of the theatre lifted when the movie finished and I reluctantly removed my arm from her shoulders.
It was a short walk back to the hotel where Elizabeth would have dinner but I was compelled to take every opportunity I could find to touch her. I lifted her hand to thread it through my arm as we strolled down the street. I caressed her cheek with my free hand as I brushed a stray strand of hair from her face in the breezy night air and I placed a hand on her back to assist her up the steps of the hotel. At the dining table, I was chagrined to realize we would be seated opposite each other, not close enough to touch, but quickly brightened when I saw the small dance floor on the other side of the room.
I had been intrigued by what Elizabeth had been telling me in the meadow yesterday about our original plans for Paris and quizzed her about her drawing. As usual, she blushed when the attention was placed on her and tried to divert the conversation onto something else. I smirked at her obvious attempts to change the topic until I reminded her that the whole point of courting was to get to know one another before the big leap into marriage.
Elizabeth opened up about her drawing to me which included her deepest hopes to live in Paris some day. Her beautiful face became so animated and passionate while talking about her art and her desire to study in the city that housed such masterpieces at the Louvre. I wanted to share her dreams with her and reiterated my pledge to take her to Paris some day. She smiled at me wistfully as if not fully believing in the possibility and I repeated my vow.
When our orders came, I sneakily disposed of most of my meal in a handkerchief I had brought just for that purpose. For the remainder, I slipped forkfuls to Elizabeth for her to try; completely fascinated by the dainty way she ate her food. I was completely enthralled with the way Elizabeth's tongue would sneak out and lick her lips after savouring each bite. Her pink tongue would slip along her upper lip first then swirl over her lower lip leaving them pink and glistening. Watching her made me think of how her sweet tongue felt against my own lips and I felt my pants tighten under the table.
Once dinner was complete, I asked her to dance with me. She looked at me in surprise and I chuckled when I could hear the doubt in her mind. We had just frolicked around in the meadow as I had never formally learned to dance when I was human.
"Don't worry, love. I learned to dance a few years ago. I won't embarrass you out on the floor."
As we threaded our way through the tables towards the dance floor, I could hear Elizabeth's thoughts take a dangerous turn towards jealousy, wondering who had taught me to dance, and why I had wanted to. I leaned down and whispered to her that the days and nights were long for a vampire when first turned and to fill in some time, Esme and Carlisle had taught me all the dances they knew. Elizabeth asked me who Esme was and was visibly relieved when I explained that Esme was Carlisle's true love and mate.
We were nearing the dance floor then so I promised to tell her whatever she wanted to know tomorrow as I just wanted to hold her in my arms once again. Liz smiled at me in agreement as we reached the edge of the floor. The band chose that moment to commence playing a waltz and I swept Liz into my arms and we whirled around the floor, my arms wrapped around her and her sweet body pressed to mine.