Hello! I know it's been a while since my last update! I'm sorry about that! But with all the snow I just got, I found time to write for you guys! Oh, and I'm sorry if this is a bit short, but what can ya do? Anyways, thanks to Beatlesss, StayAnon, and JamesWinstonParkin-HarrisonLOVE for your lovely reviews! Keep them coming! (But please, be nice!)
I woke up at ten with the thought of seeing Brad today. I had to admit, he was starting to grow on me more and more over time. I was starting to forget about you-know-who and everything I had felt for him. Brad and I had been getting closer over the past few weeks, so close that I had even told him about my dad. Of course I broke down crying, but Brad was right there to comfort me. Even though he couldn't relate to my situation, he tried his best to understand. I really admired him for that.
However, I still couldn't find that something between us. Like that spark when we kissed, or the chills when his skin touched mine. It irked me that I didn't feel those things yet. And it worried me. I didn't want to be stuck in a loveless relationship with a sweet guy that I didn't have the heart to break up with. But maybe those sparks and chills would eventually appear and I wouldn't feel like something was missing anymore.
Guilt was also a factor in wanting to have those feelings for Brad. I liked him more and more every time we talked and went on dates, but it was so disappointing when he would kiss me. I think he felt more than I did when our lips touched. I could tell when things had gotten pretty heated about a week ago.
The two of us had gone out for lunch at a small diner and went for a walk in the park. The weather had been lovely all day; sunny and warm with just a slight breeze. Around three in the afternoon, however, the sky began to turn its Liverpudlian gray which gave way to rain. Brad and I hurried back to his house to escape the poor weather. Once there, he made tea and we snuggled up on the sofa in the sitting room. We started talking and then soon we were kissing. This wasn't anything new; we had made out before. Each time I wished and hoped to feel something, but only to be disheartened again and again.
Before I knew it, though, Brad was fully on top of me, pressing against my body with his and kissing me more and more ardently. This was not what I expected to happen. As I was about to push him away, a terribly loud crack of thunder rumbled throughout the house causing both of us to jump. We looked out the window behind the sofa and saw a steady down pour of rain falling from ominous clouds as bright lightening flashed before us. I had never been as grateful for stormy weather as I had in that particular moment.
"I should uh probably leave before my mom and sister start to worry. . ." I said.
"I can't let ya leave in a storm like this, luv!" Brad exclaimed, running his hand through my hair.
Again, his touch didn't leave any chills behind. Yet, I couldn't deny his caring, gentle face.
"I suppose not . . . okay, I'll stay until it passes," I smiled thankfully at him.
Brad leaned into me and gave me a kiss. Before he could take it further again, I suggested we make dinner. He agreed and we headed for the kitchen. As I moved about the kitchen, I could feel his eyes on me, watching me. It wasn't a stare that I minded; I had become accustomed to it. It was as if he was studying me in a way; attempting to understand how I worked and what made me tick.
While I was cooking at the stove, Brad wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. The warmth of his chest felt good against my body. Soon, I felt his lips softly kissing my neck. I didn't object at first, but then it felt like his kissing would leave a mark. A hickey was definitely something my sister would overreact about and I did not need that! Fortunately, dinner was ready so Brad had no choice but to let me go.
The rain continued into the night at a steady rate. Every now and then lightning flashed and thunder growled. Brad insisted I stay over that night. I didn't have a problem with that . . . as long as he didn't try anything. He hadn't ever tried to take things that far, but he had been extremely touchy all day. Hence, I kept my distance and remained cautious.
Around eleven that night, we both decided it was time for bed. Brad gave me a pair of his pajamas to wear.
"They're me favourites," he told me.
"Oh, well I don't want to wear them if they're your favorites!"
He laughed. "That's why I gave them tah ya luv!"
"Oh. . ." I said feeling stupid.
I went to the bathroom and changed out of my clothes and into Brad's pajamas. As I left the bathroom and entered the hallway, I was unsure of where to go. Was I sleeping in Brad's room? Or was I sleeping on the sofa downstairs? I decided going downstairs was the safest choice. However, as I was making my way down the staircase, I heard a voice behind me.
"Michelle?"
I turned around and saw Brad at the top of the staircase.
"What're ya goin' downstairs foh?" he asked, looking puzzled.
Oh, so I was sleeping upstairs.
"Just uh. . .going to get some water!" I answered quickly.
"Oh, okay. 'Urry back!"
After getting a glass of water, I slowly went back upstairs to Brad's room. I opened the door carefully to find my boyfriend stripping down to his boxers.
"How can you only sleep in that?" I asked surprised. "Don't you freeze?"
"Eh, not if I 'ave ya beside me tah keep me warm!" he replied with a devilish smile.
I rolled my eyes and laughed at his playfulness. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, staying the night. I began to relax as I climbed into bed with Brad. Yet, when I was perfectly content, he started on my neck again. Don't get me wrong; it felt nice, but I just wasn't in the mood. In the darkness of the room, I turned to face Brad to make him stop kissing me. Unfortunately, he mistook this and began kissing my lips and moving closer to me. Soon, he was on top of me again. I could feel his hands on my body, wandering aimlessly. My body was enjoying the intimacy, but my mind was not. I knew this was wrong because I wasn't anywhere close to being ready for sex. I mean, I wasn't a virgin, but I didn't even love Brad. It wouldn't be fair to him, so I had to stop him.
"Brad?" I whispered as soon as his lips had moved away from mine.
"Yes luv?" he answered breathlessly.
"I-I'm still not ready. . ."
"Oh. . ." he rolled off of me slowly. "That's alright Michelle, I undahstand."
"It's just . . . I'm not ready to take that step. I'm sorry," I said quietly.
"Michelle, don't apologize. I'm the one who should be doin' that. I was the one who was movin' too fast," he reassured me soothingly.
I smiled at his words because I knew he meant them and that he felt regretful for what he had done. Giving him a goodnight kiss on the lips, I whispered, "Thank you" and curled up against his body. I closed my eyes, falling asleep to the sound of his heart beating.
Obviously Brad respected me, but I knew it wanted to move things along. But like I said, I just simply couldn't take that step if I didn't love him. Hopefully, he wouldn't mind waiting a little longer.
My mind couldn't leave the thought of that night all morning. I suddenly felt anxious about seeing Brad. Not the bad kind of anxious, but the good kind. Like when you're a little kid and can't wait for summer break.
As I was in the kitchen preparing lunch, I heard a knock at the front door. A smile spread across my face at this knowing Brad had finally arrived. I wiped my hands on a dish towel, patted down my hair and rushed to living room to answer the door. When I opened the door, my eyes widened in surprise at who was waiting for me.
"Uh hiya Michelle. . ." Paul greeted scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.
"Paul? Wha-what are you doing here?" I asked in disbelief at seeing him.
"Um well, I uh wanted tah apologise," he answered quietly. "Can I uh come in?"
Apologize? What could he possibly have to apologize for? I hadn't seen him in weeks. I guess the only way to find out was to let him in.
"Oh, umm sure, you can come in. . ." I said trailing off as I held the door open for him.
"Thanks," he said walking toward the sofa. "I know we 'aven't seen each othah in a while, but I just feel awful about what 'appened at the Cavern that Friday. . ."
"Oh. . ."
"I'm so sorry fer the way I acted. I just . . . wasn't myself," he said looking at me with a small smile. "Can ya forgive me?"
"Of course I can!" I said casually. "I've already forgotten about it!"
Walking closer to him, I sat down on the sofa and he did the same. He chuckled at my enthusiasm.
"Glad to 'ear ya accept my apology!" he said happily. "I really dunno what came ovah me that night . . . I guess it could've been John. . ."
"Oh? What about him?" I asked curiously.
"Well, 'e came tah the gig with this new girl and they were cheesin' me off the whole night. 'E was actin' like 'e was bloody bettah than the rest o' us!" Paul explained angrily.
I thought for a moment. "I didn't see John there with a girl though. . ."
"Oh, they were there alright!" he replied raising his voice. "And 'e knew I liked 'er befoh 'e took 'er from me!"
Suddenly, it dawned on me. Paul wasn't talking about John and some girl he had brought to the gig. He was talking about me and Brad. How dare he!
"Paul, you're not talking about John, are you?" I asked.
"'Ow would you know?! You were too busy with yer boyfriend the whole night!" he exclaimed as his brows furrowed crossly.
"Why does that matter to you?!" I questioned him furiously, standing up. "You seemed pretty happy with that red headed trollop!"
Paul immediately stood up and took a step toward me. "What does Jane 'afta do with this? Are ya jealous of 'er, Michelle? Ya jealous cos she was with me and you were stuck with that stiff Brad?"
"Ugh! I can't believe you! You come to my house, apologize and now you're criticizing me and my boyfriend?! Get out!" I yelled pointing toward the door.
"Michelle, don't ya see what I see? Yer not 'appy with that bloke! 'E bores ya, I can tell!" Paul said calming down and desperately trying to explain himself.
"Didn't you hear me? I said get out!" I shouted again, ignoring his comments.
Paul took another step closer to me, almost too close. "Why won't you listen to me? I'm only tryin' tah look out fer ya!"
"No, no you're not! You're just trying to ruin my relationship!" I yelled at him. "Now, get ou-"
Without letting me finish my sentence, Paul had grabbed my shoulders with his hands and forced my lips against his. I struggled to fight him off for the first few seconds, pushing him away with my hands. Then I realized how good his kisses felt; how good his hands felt against my skin as they moved up my neck. Most of all, I couldn't believe the spark that was created as my mouth moved in sync with his. It was the most amazing feeling I had ever experienced. It made me forget about the fight Paul and I had just had, where I was, and . . . Brad.
Soon, I realized how wrong this all was. I couldn't be kissing Paul when I was supposed to be in a relationship with Brad! But . . . it felt so right. It took all my strength to push Paul away and when I did, I felt lost and uncertain. Paul looked down at me sheepishly.
"You . . . you should go . . ." I said quietly, staring down at the floor.
"Michelle, I . . . I'm sor-"
"Just leave . . . please," I whispered walking past him to the other side of the room.
Keeping my back to him, I heard Paul leave. He seemed to pause at the door, as if waiting for me to stop him. However, I didn't move. I kept still and hugged myself as tears quietly escaped my eyes and slowly streamed down my cheeks.
*GASP!* WHAAT?! Review and tell me what ya think! Thanks! XOXOXO