Tony could not comprehend. People were talking but he could not hear what they were saying. All he could do was watch as they took him away. He was numb. He could not feel anything. All he could do was stand there stock still and wide-eyed as the rest of the world around him rushed around in a panic but to him seemed like they were moving in slow motion. Suddenly, a blood curling scream broke into his hearing range and it took him a few seconds to realize that it was him who was screaming.
Tony looked down at himself covered in blood and soot not really comprehending that it was not his. Tony knew he couldn't bleed but he wanted to believe that it was his blood he bore. But it wasn't. It was his. The man who they were taking away in a body bag.
Right now Tony could only watch. All he could do was see his new friends huddle in a circle grieving what had just happened. Tony could do nothing but watch. He deserved this. To be alone. He caused his death. He is the reason the human guests were standing there in shock and anger. It was official. He was alone now. His last ray of sunshine was gone.
Tony Stark killed him . Maybe not directly but inadvertently caused his death. Still, none of the Avengers knew so Tony had to tell them. Tell them the truth of what had happened. Then maybe they would leave and he could wallow in misery and a self-imposed exile.
Tony stayed hidden in the shadow realm as he watched the Avengers gather back in their base of operations silently. They still had not processed what happened. If Tony was not there then he would be the same as them but Steve died in his arms while Tony could do nothing about it.
"Where is Stane?" Loki asked looking around the room. Tony had hoped they'd not realize he was not with them. He didn't deserve their worry or comfort.
"I...I don't know," Clint replied, his brows scrunching up in confusion. Tony wished he could wipe away those looks of despair, confusion and anger at his disappearance.
Instinctually Tony reached out his hand and wiped away the tear from Clint's cheek. The man looked up at break-neck speed but Tony knew he couldn't see him. Tony turned to look at the table seeing a pen and paper there. He should not do this. They deserved better but Tony couldn't bring himself to care.
In a swift burst of power Tony short-circuited the power in the room long enough to write on the paper in a large handwriting. It was short, cold and concise. Something Howard would write but he was his son after all, he did have some of his old man's perks.
"I'm sorry-TS," Clint read out loud. Looking around trying to find Tony but they both somehow knew that he would not find him.
Realization flitted around the room after that as each member was able to somehow piece it all together. Each wore a more devastating look on their faces and Tony felt himself break more and more. The only one left looking around in confusion was Bruce.
His Brucie could not put it together like they could. He didn't have the experience nor expertise for it and Tony really wanted to hide him away. Out of them all Bruce would have hurt the most.
Surprisingly it was Loki who spoke up comfortingly explaining it to Bruce. Tony watched sadly as the face shifted from confusion to mortification the more Loki spoke. Tony just let out a strangled sob.
It was hard though breath and he felt like his lungs were constricting. A part of him reasoned that he didn't need air but the larger part, the more in control part completely ignored that helpful insight. Tony's world faded to black.
Barnes had driven upstate with a new person Tony did not recognize. Though the new person reminded him of Rhodey. Tony missed that man so much. Still he stayed in the shadows and watched in a pained curiosity.
"Why are we here?" The new guy spoke up, "shouldn't we be like at the hospital? Talking to the police? Figure out what the fuckhappened?"
"The only person who knows is Howard Stark. T-tony was the one that found him soon after," Wanda replied coolly, "and talking to the police with what we think occurred will just seem like insanity or just imagined up scenarios to 'cope with what happened'."
"So we do nothing to figure out how or why Stark killed him?" Barnes growled angrily.
"Well there is one person who might know," a knowing look passed everyone, "we can forcefully summon him even if he doesn't want to be. I just...the moment we do that we'll be breaking his trust. He won't take kindly to this kind of betrayal."
"Who cares? If the fucker knows than you drag his ass here!" Barnes shouted standing up challengingly.
"Get out," Tony was surprised at the anger in the man's voice as Clint stood up right in front of Barnes, "we don't need you. I get it okay? We all fucking get it . But being vulgar and rude isn't going to get us answers. Ghosts are fickle creatures and the moment they feel unsafe or attacked they lock themselves up and never come back. When we make a decision you will have no right to cast a vote. You are not part of this team. You never believed in this team so you have no room or weight in this group decision."
"Come on guys," The new guy intervened trying to mediate between the two men who just glared at each other. They moved away from each other still unhappy but willing to back down...for now.
"I told 'im not to do this place," Barnes hissed, "told 'im to give it up and let someone else do it. Why couldn't it have been Hammer?"
"Like I said we didn't give a damn about your opinion. He saw people who needed his help so he answered. It's not in his nature to back down from a challenge as well as stand up to those who can't do it themselves. You saying that just shows how much you've forgotten who he is. Do you even love him if you don't know him?"
"I know exactly who he is," Barnes defended weekly.
"Yeah so well that you treated him worse than dirt," Clint growled.
This was getting out of hand. Tony didn't like this. Not one bit. He was forcing his friends to choose between a rock and a hard place. And allowing negativity to build up in the room. This wasn't good at all. So Tony made the choice for them. "Yo," he said walking around the corner. He didn't want to scare the new guy since he thoroughly did not believe in ghosts as stated earlier when he first arrived.
"Tony!" Bruce got up from his seat fumbling over himself trying to get up. If the situation wasn't so messed up Tony would have laughed. Instead he smiled at them warily. He was scared of their reactions and was expecting a physical altercation from one of them, especially Barnes, but nothing that he expected happened. He had closed his eyes in anticipation but instead of a fist to the face he got an arm full of someone. It took him a second to realize he was being hugged by more than one person. Tony opened his eyes to see a sea of brown curls and knew it was Bruce. Only he could give such wholesome hugs. The person behind him just grabbed on tight and began to cry. It was like a veil was lifted from the room and all the emotions they were trying to suppress came crashing down all at once. And Tony soon found himself joining them.
"I...I'm sorry," Tony croaked his arms falling from around Bruce's shoulders. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve this comfort. He deserves both but pain and isolation but he could not bring himself to leave. He was a little selfish after all.
Someone cleared their throats and the whole group parted to allow the new incomer to walk in. It was a police officer holding a notepad and a solemn look in his eyes. Tony did not think he deserved to have that look. He did not even know him . Still, Tony just watched the officer walk deeper into the room to stand almost dead center of the crowd. Everyone was here. Well, everyone except him and Hammer.
"I'm sorry fer yer loss," the man spoke up looking around the room, "we'll get t' the bo'om of this. I promise you. We'd like t' ask ye each some ques'ions. Hope ye don' mind."
Where was this guy from? His English was atrocious. Before anyone of them could answer, Natasha stepped forward and gave the officer the okay. Jarvis had already anticipated that and set up the dining area for the police detectives to use to question each and everyone of them. Tony wished he could seep into the walls again. Why did he reveal himself again?
"Name?" The detective asked not nothing to look up from the papers he has in front of him. Tony hated not being looked at but he hated the indifference in the man's voice. Tony wanted to rip his throat out and he would have if he had not had a century's worth of time to learn how to control these intense emotional urges that ghosts often have. Most ghosts don't bother but he was a Stark he could not let emotion get the better of him...yet.
"Tony Stane," Tony replied coolly leaning back into the chair. He could feel the two detectives in the room shudder due to the temperature drop. He did say ghosts have these weird bursts and Tony's anger runs cold. It used to run hot when he was alive but having been around the Jarvis family members changed his dynamics quite a lot, surprisingly.
"Where were you at 12:30 am?" The standing detective behind the seated one asked. It was intimidation tactic that Tony saw coppers use back in the day when he was arrested for trespassing on some old coot's lot.
"I was in the north west wing," Tony replied. That piqued their interest, he was found there. Tony did not mind being the blame. They could not put him away because he was already living in a prison-like hellhole anyway. If it made these men go away faster so he can leave and hide away in darkness by himself so be it.
"What were you doin' there?" The detective asked.
"Investigating," Tony replied blandly giving both men a blank look. They raised an eyebrow at him when Tony did not elaborate. He was not in the talking mood and he did not have to play nice with these people.
"Investigatin' what?" The detective pressed.
"Ghosts. We were looking for Justin Hammer who was missing for the past few days," Tony replied studying his hands in a bored fashion. He was not going to let any of them know how messed he was inside, how broken he was, how devastated he was.
"Were you with the victim during the time of the attack?" Might as well asked him if he killed him. Tony knew he had but he was not the one to deliver the final blow. He just arrived after it happened.
"No," Tony replied honestly. It was hard to speak at that moment, his throat clogged up as the memories of a few hours ago flashed across the forefront of the mind.
The questioning continued but Tony just closed himself off giving the most minimal answers while trying hard to hold back the tears. He was not going to cry. Not in front of these men. He wanted to tell them to leave. They did not care about him at all. They just seem to want to finish this as fast as possible. Did they find the most laziest pair of detectives ever. Tony wanted to wrangle their necks.
And it was over. Tony was out of his chair faster than he ever thought possible. He was in the hallway and for the first time he felt like he could breath. He began to walk away from the base when a voice stopped him in his tracks.
"Don't go," Clint whispered stepping in front of Tony stopping him from running away. Tony wanted to just that but he knew he could not after seeing the desperate look on Clint's face.
"Why? I am a monster. I played you just like it was a game. That's all this was: a game," Tony looked away. He could feel himself fading.
A pair of hands grabbed the top of his arms, "you lied. And yes it makes me angry Tony but it doesn't mean I hate you or think of you any lesser, okay maybe a little but not enough for you to run out on us you hear? We investigate the dead Tony and...and we help them. We help you. Listen, I have only known you for such a short time but I have never seen anyone merge into our group so fast like you did. I have come to care about you. I don't know how you did it and frankly I don't care but that means I can't let you go just like that. St- he would not want you to be alone. Stay for me? For him?"
Tony blushed at Clint's deceleration not really knowing how to respond except to nod his head. Clint flashed him his child-like smile he got used to seeing. It was ironic that Tony had been planning on finding a way to keep them here longer even though they still had a while to go before they left. Then this happened. He knew that they did not care for him as much as he did them but he wanted to pretend to live a little with the feeling of having friends again. They say it but they are just jacked up on emotional turmoil. They'll come to their senses soon enough. Everyone does in the end.
Clint lead Tony back to the base rubbing his lower back. "You're not out of the woods yet, buddy. We still have to talk about it but for now we all need you just like you need us. What happened was ground shattering but I know he would not have just let happen. So there must be a reason why he did it. Maybe he'll come back as a ghost and we can be together again. If that is the case then I want to die here when the time comes have the whole gang together and go on adventures. Imagine the possibilities."
"A person who dies willingly is less likely to stick around Clint," Tony responds as they walk back into the base, " he's...he'sprobably gone." At least he hoped. Nobody deserved this. Nobody...except maybe Adolf Hitler and Howard Stark.
The whole room went quiet at that. Another new person was there, the other finally getting a name Sam Wilson. This man had quite the presence and surprisingly smiled towards Tony and Clint only to realize that this man was Phil, Clint's Phil, the man they told him about over a bunch of stories. He's a cop so it's not surprising that he knew something went down here and rushed over. Tony watched silently as Phil crossed the room and pulled Clint into his arms. Tony wished someone would hold him like that. Like he was the most precious thing.
"T-Tony," Bruce stepped up to him caustically. Natasha stepped up behind him reassuringly but Tony did not know who she was trying to reassure him or Bruce. He could tell that his interrogation was hard on him. Tony though did not really understand what Bruce needed from him. He was an outsider. They all tell him that he's one of them but in truth he was not and he as sure as hell has never been. Still, Tony will live the lie for a little bit longer until they don't need him anymore.
"Brucie," Tony smiled warmly at him trying to hide his panicked dark thoughts.
"How was it?" He asked pulling the ghost to the chair next to him. Why would he need to know? Was there something that he was not supposed to say? Were they making sure he was not giving away their secrets though Tony was sure he did not know any.
"Fine," Tony replied looking at his feet, "I didn't tell them much if that's what you're worried about."
"Why would I care-Tony!" Bruce called out his name with such surprised anger that made Tony and Bruce flinch, "I just wanted to make sure you're alright. Tell me, I…need to know you're okay."
"I really am fine Bruce," Tony replied pulling Bruce in for an awkward hug. Chairs just made things harder and more awkward.
"Are we going to do the ritual or not?" Barnes asked once everyone was done with the detectives. They spoke about coming back later but Natasha just turned them out of the mansion like it was her own house. Tony never seen men run so fast from a woman like that before...except with Pepper, his precious Pepper.
"It's no longer needed," Wanda spoke up after her long silence. She got real quiet for the past few hours and Clint explained it to Tony that Wanda has a strong spiritual connection and that when a death happens, especially of someone she knows and cares about, makes her connection grow stronger and takes a lot more energy to control it in general. Tony suggested he leave if that might help but Clint insisted that nothing he could do can help except try to comfort her. Tony tried at least and Wanda just gave him a small smile in appreciation. Tony knew that was something cause that woman barely smiled as it is.
"Why?" Wilson, who doesn't even believe in his existence, asked.
"Because the person you want to call is sitting right here dumbass," Tony responded coldly. He had this residual anger towards this man though he just met him. Ghosts can sometimes harness the emotion of the living around them if they hang around them long enough and Tony just guessed that Steve was furious enough for him to have a sour taste in his mouth at the sight of this man.
"Why're you even here?" Barnes spat, "You barely know him. Why do you care what happened to him?"
"A person doesn't have to have been acquainted long for them to care for someone Mr. Barnes," Thor Odinson replied calmly looking at Barnes with a cool look of total indifference. Man that guy can go from jolly to the most stoic person in a flash. It was kind of scary.
"I fell in love with him. Is that what you want to hear?" Tony growled, "I fell in love with your man who you looked at like you could care less if you never see him again. You had one of the most kindest, most gentle, most heroic like man I have ever met and you just threw him away."
"I didn't throw him away," Barnes' voice broke but did not continue further. Tony rested his case.
"So you're a ghost?" Wilson tried to change the subject but both Tony and Barnes just threw him unappreciative stares making him back off instantly. Still, Tony was now proof that there was another side but Tony did not care about creating any more believers today.
"Mr. Stark," Tony jumped up a bit in his spot at Jarvis' voice, "may I suggest we turn in for the night?"
"Don't ask me, J, ask them," Tony swung his arms around obnoxiously, "you should all get as much rest as you can. J, show Barnes and Wilson a bedroom where they can stay. You know where to find me if you need me."
It started with Clint. Everything always starts with him. He wandered into Tony's room a few hours after they disbanded to come up and lay down next to him and put his head on a pillow where Tony's lap would have been. Tony was trying to save up energy so he hid away his bottom half but gave the illusion that he was sitting on his bed leaning against the headboard. Anyways back to Clint, the man came into Tony's room and without a word just occupied the space to Tony's left. Tony began to finger his hands through Clint's hair wondering why he wasn't with his cop boyfriend when Phil came through the door with a soft smile. He pointed at the space in front of him and next to Clint and Tony just nodded wordlessly. Tony just watched this man he just met lay down where his legs should be cuddling up to both him and Clint. Tony thought it was cute that Clint's boyfriend was willing to do things like this for Clint. Tony approved. Not that Clint needed it anyway. Really.
The next person to show up surprisingly was Natasha. That woman just came in raised an eyebrow at him before sauntering up to his bed and claiming the right side of him hers. She did not speak, just like the others, and just lay there. Tony felt like they needed to be together and they felt safe with Tony because he could watch over them while they slept. Great. He was demoted to a guard dog. Tony closed his eyes in annoyance and kept them closed for a little bit feigning sleep.
When he opened his eyes again, Tony noted that not only did Bruce and Wanda somehow wander into his room so did the Odinson brothers. Those two have interacted with the Avengers a few times and have had a long history with them especially with him. Still, even if they weren't Tony was not going to kick them out.
Tony watched over the group who looked to be in different states of sleep but they were sleeping nonetheless. It made Tony happy that they were at least going to get a few hours of sleep. Tony always had that effect on people. He made the place run so cold that it made you sleepy and this was one of the few times Tony was glad that coldness followed him around everywhere.
Still, Tony was contempt to watch over his friends as they tried to sleep. He was going to protect them from anything and everything even if he had to sacrifice his soul to do so.
"This is quite the gathering you've got Anthony," a female voice spoke up as his mother filtered into the room through his closet door.
"Thanks, I was thinking of starting a ghost cult," Tony replied and his mother just laughed. She never got mad at him for his snark. Ever. She says it reminded her of Howard before he became who he was. Or at least she would like to believe.
"I am sorry," his mom floated closer to him, "I tried keeping Howard away bambino. You have to believe me."
"No one blames you mother," Tony said a bit formally. He only gets this way when his emotions are running too high and if he tried anything affectionate he'd break, "you are not his caretaker. That isn't your role. I am glad you tried though but once Howard sets his mind to something it has to happen."
"I know he broke his promise to you," his mother always tried to somehow reason with him and play the middleman between the two Stark men even in death.
"Are you asking me to forgive him? That will never happen mother," Tony growled, "That man...that thing killed him because he got too close. He did this to torture me. To hurt them. To...pacify his need to take a life. Why couldn't he just have killed Hammer instead of holding him hostage for days and just let him go? Just like that. What made him so special? Was it because I loved him? Was it because I LOVED HIM?"
"Shhh bambino," his mother wrapped her arms around Tony pulling him into her embrace. They were behind the veil that protects the human realm from the ghosts. He could not risk his friends waking up due to his outburst.
"If he was not already dead I would have killed him," Tony declares hotly.
"You are not like him," his mother defends, "you will not stoop so low. I do not want you to forgive him. I am trying to help you process. What happened was traumatic and you need to think everything through or it will drive you insane. I know you because I raised you and I have seen you do this to yourself. Remember when Papi passed away? You bottled it up and just exploded and did dangerous things. I vowed never to let that happen to you again."
"You couldn't have promised that he would never kill me," Tony looked at his mother knowing he was striking a nerve. She was already dead a few years before Tony's but a part of him had been angry at her for not somehow protecting him.
"Anthony," his mother whispered his name apologetically making Tony flinch in regret.
"Sorry," Tony apologized, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it mom." And Tony just began to cry.
"I know," his mother just kept her hold on hims strong and kept Tony in her embrace while he finally shed the bottled up tears.
Over the next few days the detectives and the police department locked down the north west wing to investigate what happened. It was fine with Tony as long as he never had to go back there he would be okay. The rest of the group seemed to have stuck around planning on how to have his funeral. They were beginning to move on and Tony never really knew how people could do that. He watched Rhodey and Pepper do the same though he was still around in a way.
"We'll hold a small ceremony here to say goodbye and then take him to his family burial site. He owns the spot next to his ma. He wanted to be buried there if he could. Only people invited are close friends and family no media or police," Natasha spoke their plan out loud. Tony knew they were doing the goodbye ceremony here for his sake more than theirs. Barnes did not look happy about it but he came to the realization that no one in the group, except Wilson, cared for his opinion so he kept his mouth shut.
Though after the burial they were all going to leave. Tony understood the need to be away from this place which has caused them nothing but grief. Though once they were gone he would be alone again. A part of him was glad for it and another wanted to lock them up here so he doesn't have to suffer alone.
Howard has disappeared and no matter how much the Avengers and Tony have tried he never answered. It seemed like he disappeared off the face of the planet. Tony could see the sceptical look on Wilson's face. That man was still convinced that Hammer killed him but no one believed Hammer to be a murderer. Tony thinks he does not have the guts to do it. And why would Hammer kill anyone? None of them really hold a threat to him and is investigative business. It made Wilson feel better to think he knew better than the rest of them and it pissed Tony off. There were multiple times Tony had kicked Wilson or Barnes out of the room when they got too insulting. He does not mind people bad mouthing him, he's used to it but if you try to insult his friends Tony takes it personally. Plus seeing their angered and annoyed faces made Tony really happy for some reason.
The ceremony was starting in a few minutes time and Tony was nervous, sad and hollow. He had nothing left to offer not even his life. Howard always had to have the last laugh and the people Tony loves always paid the price for it. Tony knew he causedhis death so he had no right to be here but every one of the avengers insisted he had to so promised to show up.
Tony stood outside the room where they decided to hold the ceremony. Barnes walked up next to him not speaking a word just stood there staring at the door along with them. Neither moved just stood there silently waiting for something to happen.
"You know the first thing I think about now is the day I met 'im," Barnes spoke up still staring straight forward, "I was takin' a walk to get away from my sisters and I just saw a group of boys gangin' up on this poor pair of boys but it seemed like one kept gettin' up and no matter how many times the bigger boys hit 'im. I...ruined one of the best things I ever had and now I can do nothin' to fix it."
"Why are you telling me this?" Tony asked turning his head slightly to look at Barnes. The man just shrugged not really knowing himself. They fell back into silence again and Tony was glad for it. He was not in the mood for Barnes' sob story, he did this to himself after all.
Clint opened the door for them and smiled at Tony and then gave Barnes a scowl before stepping aside to let them in. Tony stepped into the dimly lit room and found an unoccupied pillow next to Clint who followed him to his seat. The rest of the missing persons filed into the room and surprisingly, Justin Hammer came through the door looking snobbish but humbled. If it were up to Tony he would kick the man to the curb but he knew that he would not want them to do it. Though Hammer was almost shoved out by Wilson, who was still convinced it was him, but Tony intervened claiming that this was an open ceremony and that having such negativity messes with the atmosphere. The Avengers and the Odinson brothers just gave Hammer blank looks and ignored his presence. Tony can at least say that Justin Hammer has some semblance of a heart even if it's really small.
Wanda turned around in wearing a beautiful robe that made he look like a greek goddess and Tony felt pride and fondness bloom in his chest. She looked like she can command both this world and the dead with a single look. It was truly breathtaking. Tony smiled up at her and she nodded at him with a soft look in her eyes. She sympathizes with the dead. She probably just felt bad for Tony because he never got this treatment.
"Today we come together to say our goodbyes to Steven Grant Rogers who will always remain in our memories and our hearts. He was one of the most outstanding men I have ever met and got to know. He helped me when I lost my brother and opened my eyes to the possibilities of helping others with my talent. I used to try and ignore my gifts and try to be normal but he made me realize that I never will be and that is okay. He told me that normal is in the eye of the beholder that what is normal to him was not normal to other people. Steve lit the fire in me and has inspired so many others to do good. To be better," Wanda paused looking around the room before walking up to Natasha and lighting the candle she was holding, "He was dead strong and stubborn but he tried his hardest to be a good man. He loved with everything he had and gave everything he could. I never thought my goodbye would come so soon but I will cherish my time I had with him. Goodbye."
The rest spoke their own goodbyes afterwards each blowing out the candles they were holding after they were done. Tony could see all of them crying or staring silently at the floor having their moment of silence. It was Tony's turn to talk but he did not know what to say. He had always good with words when they did not mean anything but trying to talk about something he cared about always had him tongue-tied. They all purposefully left him for last and Tony was thankful for that even if he had to sit and endure Barnes', Wilson's and Hammer's empty words.
"I knew him for the shortest amount of time but I watched every video, interview, episode that he shared of him and his crew for as long as he had been active in the ghost investigating community," Tony began, "He was bright and hopeful. He...He made me feel like the most valuable thing on this entire planet. He was so easy to talk to that it felt like we knew each other for decades. We bickered like an old married couple sometimes and I often would feel bad for throwing my punches where it hurt but he'd just shrug and say he did not hold back either and that we're good. You know a few minutes...a few minutes before...he told me that he loved me. He promised me to still be my friend even though we came from different worlds.
I can honestly say that this man changed my world. He made me feel a warmth I had not felt in a long time. He made me feel like I was alive even if it was for a short while. St-he...is the most beautiful man I have ever met. I wanted him to live a full life. I never wanted this for him. He deserved so much more than what happened to him. Addio my love."
Tony blew out his candle and Tony fell into darkness.