I awoke the next morning rather dazed. Everything that happened the night before was no dream. I had sex with Steve. I had sex with Steve on his couch.

I felt so dirty…and yet so good.

Stretching I realized I was still at Steve's, but Steve wasn't on the couch with me.

I looked on the floor beneath me and he wasn't anywhere. Did Evie catch us? Did she see Steve and me together on the couch?

Before I got an answer Evie came into the room, holding a plate of breakfast.

"Good morning, Sweet," she placed the food in front of me, "How'd you sleep?"

If she knows she's taking it awful well I thought to myself.

I sat up, "I'm fine. You?"

"Busy," she said, "but I have to fix the car so we can actually drive it. It broke down while I was out, you know."

You are so lucky it did.

I smiled nervously, soon noticing that I had clothes on.

Steve's good at cleaning up.

I didn't believe that she was okay, but she really was. She was perfectly content and she didn't catch us. Steve had gone to work and did a really great job of making up some story about how I came over to play some cards and fell asleep after playing.

Embarrassed, and itching to get out of there, I left the moment after she 'reminded' me of the game of poker and walked into the garage.

I had just had a conversation with the wife of the man I'm sleeping with.

What's wrong with me? I wanted to scream. I wanted to beg her for forgiveness. But she seemed fine! Steve was right. What she doesn't know won't hurt her. She was fine. She was…fine…

Arriving home I took a shower. I needed the dirty feeling to go. I only wanted the good feeling: the feeling that this was okay.

Falling down on the couch I had one more day off, and then I definitely had to come back. The best part for me was the fact that work might distract me from Steve and everything that happened…

But how could it?

I had slept with Steve Randle. I slept with a straight man, which has a daughter, and he's a friend of my boyfriend.

Then again, he did say he enjoyed the kiss…

It wasn't like the way me and Two-Bit had first done it; gentle, worried, timid. It was more so him learning how to be with a man, with experience with women, and just jumping into the deep end of the pool.

It felt nice.

Real nice.

And I wanted more.

Goddamn it, I wanted so much more.

Looking aimlessly at the ceiling I imagined what Two-Bit might say when I told him I was sleeping with his friend. I could imagine him looking down at the ground for a minute, asking which of them I wanted and of course I would respond "you".

But the one thing that I couldn't shake away was the fact that Steve liked the kiss.

What does that mean? Does that mean he only liked the kiss? He had no intention of sex? No intention of considering himself gay?

No matter what it was, he seemed to enjoy himself.

I pulled out a Snickers bar from the cabinet, craving something sweet. Ripping the wrapper off I sat back on the couch, putting my legs up on the table in front of me, trying to ignore and possibly forget what happened the night before.

But it was impossible.

I touched Steve Randle. My mouth was on his body. My fingers caressed his chest. My lips kissed his. My body was inside his…

And what they don't know won't hurt.

Startling me out of thought the phone rang, me finishing the Snickers and answering it.

"Yello?" I tried to sound chipper.

"It's happened again," Darry sounded hoarse, "Pony's missing."

I sighed, "What?"

"I stopped by the college, I've called him, asked his friends," he began to sound frightened, "Only thing different is that no one's dead and Johnny's not involved."

"I'll be right over." I put the phone down; grabbing one of the cookies I baked the other day, finishing it before I get over there.

Unlike before there weren't chairs or a dozen random greasers. This was different.

There was Iris, Darry, and Steve.

Steve.

Out of nowhere I became extremely angry, and I could tell that he was really tense.

What's going on? I needed some chocolate or something. Why is he making me so angry? Damn it! Is it because of the sex? That doesn't make sense…

I sat on one side of the living room and Steve sat on the other.

Darry ruffled his hair, "Okay, guys, thanks for coming."

Steve and I both shrugged. Guess we didn't wanna really talk.

Darry continued, "We stopped by the college and we've been told that Ponyboy left campus. No word, just left."

"He's an adult, he can do that."

There was an awkward silence.

Who said that?

Oh dear god.

It was me.

Darry cocked an eyebrow, "I know he's an adult, Sweet. But I can still be concerned about where my little brother's gone-"

"Why do you need to know everything?" I couldn't help myself.

Sweet, stop it! You're angry because of Steve! Don't take this out on Darry and Pony. Stop!

Darry exhaled, seemingly frustrated, "Because I care about my little brother, Sweet. C'mon, you know I-"

"He ain't your little brother anymore, Darry," I shot, "He's an adult; a grown man, and if he wants to do something you don't approve of, let him."

I had no idea what had come over me.

He stood after a pause, looking down at me, "I don't want another incident like what happened to Soda to happen again, Sweet. I was with Soda and I didn't even have any way of stopping it! You think I wanna be at home worrying and then get a phone call saying my brother's been killed?"

"You may've been there, but you can't control what other people do." I could no longer tell whom I was referring to.

Soda's death was a touchy subject, I knew that, but at the time I just wanted to fight.

Iris broke the tense silence, "We presume he's gone to see Cherry."

I laughed, "So let 'im." What am I saying?

"She's HIV positive, Sweet," Darry stated the obvious, "She put his life in danger, s-"

"You can't control him or what happens to him!" I became infuriated, "They are two adults! They can do as they please!"

"As long as I'm around I will have say in this!" he seemed to get pissed too, "I will make sure my family is safe and secure and-"

"You can't unsure anything if you're not there, you fucking idiot!"

I clocked him.

I clocked him hard.

I clocked him so hard that he fell on the couch, his mouth open in shock and blood slipping through the space between his fingers.

The entire room went silent. I could even hear the blood drip onto the table.

With no use of staying I turned and left, slamming the door on my way out.

You just punched Darrel Patrick Curtis, Sweet. I smiled. What the hell has gotten to you? Why are you so angry? I laughed. This isn't a moment to enjoy. Pony's missing! I had to stop walking I was laughing so hard. Who are you?

I was right. I had no right to be laughing or to have punched Darry.

But it felt good.

And now I feel good.

So what's the trouble with that?

The day passed with me mainly flipping through channels and eating cookies, Two-Bit calling to tell me that it may take a while for him to actually get into the school itself. He asked me if I was doing all right, my answer came out rather happily.

"Glad to hear your voice, Sweet," he said, "I love you."

I took a minute. The anger rushed back through me before I could stop it, but I smiled, sighed and said, "I love you too."

Hanging up the phone I needed something to calm me down. Needed something to calm me down.

There was a knock at the door and I went to answer it.

I could only hope it wasn't Pony.

Then again, it was Steve.

He was still tense just as I was still angry, but after standing there awkwardly for a minute I left the door open and walked to the couch, him hesitating to actually walk inside.

Once he did he closed the door and stood in front of it, looking down at his shoes as I simply stared at him.

He finally looked up, but was tenser than ever before, "Pony's still missing... Darry's nose ain't broken after you…" he couldn't seem to believe it, and I smiled a little, "and Evie's at home with Kim…"

I leaned back on the couch. I knew what he wanted, and even though I was angry I felt so smug.

He wanted it.

And I would give it to him.

I grinned, "Evie's with Kim, you say?"

He nodded nervously, his shoulders up to his chin, "Yea," he detached from the door and began to slowly walk to the couch, "Two-Bit?"

I knew what I needed, "New York."

His hand brushed my cheek, me shivering from his cold fingers.

He seemed taken aback at my response, but I grabbed his hand before he could move away.

"I know what you want, Steve," I stood, "and I'm all yours."

He sort of looked right through me for a moment, me fearing he wouldn't take my offer, but he wanted this. He wanted it bad.

He kissed me, my body getting as close to his as possible, my hands going up and down his chest.

His entire body was still tense. What can I do for you?

But he did it for himself:

Once we separated the kiss he bit my bottom lip, his shoulders at the least calming down.

There was light blood, but it felt good for me too. He began to lick it off, my fingers digging into his back as I brought him closer to me.

The majority of my anger left the moment they dug into him. It was as if my anger was air, and all of it came rushing right out of me.

He roughly pushed me onto the couch and got atop me, biting my shoulder as my nails impaled his back, me moaning and him groaning.

This was what we needed.

I felt so much calmer and he seemed not as stiff.

We both fought out of some sort of anger/hatred, and this was our fight.

He brought his tongue into my mouth, which I bit, and his nails scratched my back underneath my shirt.

Thus began my affair with Steve Randle.