Chapter the Ninth
I'd penetrate the walls of your castle
Saito's army arrived at nightfall. Arthur watched from the wall as King Saito rode up to the castle and gave an eloquent speech, demanding that Uther surrender and spare the lives of his people.
"Fuck you!" said King Uther.
And that was it. The battle for Camelot began. Arthur had never been so scared. He watched as the knights charged into the enemy lines, withdrawing before they got caught in hand to hand fighting. That was Eames down there. That was Dom, too.
"Ready!" he shouted down the line.
The men along the line drew back their arrows. Arthur had gathered them together that afternoon. King Uther had asked for the best archers, and here they were – almost all of the men who had entered the archery tournament.
"Fire!" Arthur shouted, and watched as the flurry of arrows hit the front lines of Saito's troops.
"Volley!" he cried, and every man shot off arrows as fast as he could.
Arthur took the bow from his shoulder – Eames' longbow, the first bow he'd ever used – pulled back his arrow, and fired.
"Our attack hath had effect on the numbers of our enemy," said Fischer, as he and Eames rode around the enemy lines, preparing for another attack, this time to the enemy's flank.
Eames looked back at the castle. Already Saito's men had pushed ladders against the castle walls and were climbing up in swarms.
"This is why Uther really should have invested in a moat," he said, to no-one in particular.
"Ye, it shall not be long before they do penetrate the walls entirely," said Fischer.
Eames tried not to laugh at the word 'penetrate' as they spurred their horses on for the next attack.
The castle walls were overrun with Saito's men. Arthur had had to swap Eames' longbow for a sword and shield as he and his men tried to stop them from getting any further inside the castle. They couldn't hold them back for long. The soldiers kept coming up, one after the other, and before long they'd made their way to the castle gates, trying to open them from the inside and let the whole army come rushing in. And that was exactly what they did.
Eames lost track of time pretty quickly after that. There was a lot of shouting and hacking and killing and then for some reason everything was on fire and he was inside the castle, which was where practically everyone else was too, bogged down in hand-to-hand fighting, and them some nasty stuff happened involving this guy's neck and a pike that Eames would rather forget and his arm hurt and then so did his leg and chest and he had no idea what was going on or who was winning or what he was doing anymore.
Arthur was a lot more lucid about the whole thing, probably because he was so fucking terrified. Once the gates had been opened, the castle had been flooded with enemy soldiers, and the knights chased in after them, shutting the gates behind them. Arthur shouted for his archers to shoot down the enemies in the courtyard, easy targets now they were trapped inside the castle walls. Stupid poncey Prince Legolas of Gonorrhoea or wherever would insist on doing something ridiculous with his scimitars and kept count of his kills because he had some bet against the little ginger guy with an axe and serious anger management issues who was tearing through the castle like a bloody psycho.
Saito's men were trying to run anywhere they could to take cover, because now they were being cut to fucking pieces. Some of them were forcing their way into the Great Hall, and something terrible clicked in Arthur's brain. Ariadne was in there. He charged his way down the castle wall, falling down most of the steps of the spiral staircase, which was painful and probably dented his armour quite a bit, and fought his way through to the Great Hall. And there was small group of soldiers by the doors, and Ariadne standing there in front of them with her tiny sword drawn.
"I am Princess Ariadne of Camelot! It is my duty to defend the Great Hall! Do panic, motherfuckers!"
"Get the fuck away from my sister!" Arthur yelled, and charged at them, "You fucking douchebags, she's six years old!"
"I'm seven!" Ariadne yelled.
She stabbed the last man still standing in the back and Arthur plunged his sword into his throat before he could do anything about her.
"Take that, dickheads!" Ariadne shouted at the roomful of bodies.
"Are you okay?" Arthur asked, rushing over to her.
"Of course. I told you I could fight."
"We have really got to thank Eames for giving you those lessons."
Uther's army had the upper hand, and were now finishing off Saito's men. Eames felt a surge of hope, and then someone dragged him off his horse.
"Fuck," he swore as he hit the ground, his armour too heavy for him to move quickly.
He struggled to stand up, but he was on his knees when the soldier who'd pulled him to the ground pulled back his sword, ready to slit his throat.
"Oh no you don't," someone behind the soldier said, and Eames saw the bloody end of sword push out of his stomach.
The soldier fell limply to one side, revealing his killer.
"Yusuf!" Eames cried, "Thanks, man!"
"NP, dude," said Yusuf, pulling him to his feet, "I swore an oath to save your life in return for saving mine. My debt is now repaid."
"Hang on, does this mean I don't have a servant anymore?"
Yusuf didn't have time to reply, because right then, there was a shout from the castle walls, and someone suddenly landed on top of Eames from a fair height. They both fell to the ground, sprawled out, groaning in pain.
"Dom," said Yusuf, looking down at him and not doing anything, "Good to see you."
"Fuck, my arm hurts," said Dom.
"Oh, really, I wonder how that must feel," said Eames, "Now get off me."
Yusuf helped Dom to his feet.
"Thank you," said Dom shakily, "When I fell off the wall, I thought I was a goner. It's lucky you were there to break my fall, Eames."
"Yeah," Eames wheezed, "Lucky."
He winced at the pain as Yusuf and Dom pulled him upright.
"Where do you hurt?" asked Yusuf.
"It'd probably be quicker to tell you what doesn't hurt."
"What's that?"
"The little toe on my right foot."
"Well we'd better sort that out," said Dom, and stamped on Eames' foot.
"Aaah! Oh fuck you, Dom, fuck you to hell!"
"Now we're even," said Dom.
"How does that make us even?!" Eames cried, "You stabbed me in the arm, fell on me from a height of at least twelve feet, and now you stamp on my toe! At no point in these proceedings have I injured you!"
"You fucked my little brother. That's worse than any of those things."
"I don't see him complaining!"
Dom was about to shout something back at Eames when a horn sounded, low and loud, and everyone froze where they were, looking up to the keep. Both kings stood there, Saito and Uther, holding a roll of parchment. Saito was looking pretty pissy about the whole thing.
"I, King Saito of Caerleon," he read from the parchment, "Do hereby order my army to retreat and leave the kingdom of Camelot forthwith, under pain of death."
Uther grinned.
"Fight's over," he cried, "Camelot rules! Woo!"
The cheer of Camelot's army was deafening.
Arthur was covered in blood and grime, aching (though he wasn't entirely sure how much of that was from last night and how much was from the battle), and utterly, utterly exhausted. He'd got a servant to help him out of his now bent and broken armour, which improved matters, but there was a gash under his right eye that was bleeding quite a lot and he couldn't find Eames for the life of him and Ariadne was really, really not helping matters.
"Do you think he's dead?" she asked.
"No, Ariadne, I don't."
"But you're scared he might be, aren't you?"
"He's fine, Ari."
"How do you know?"
"He's been in battles before. He knows what he's doing."
"That doesn't mean he can't die. What if there were lots of soldiers, all around him, and he couldn't fight them off? Or if –"
"Shut up, Ari."
Ariadne did as she was told and they walked on in silence.
"Dom!" she cried as they rounded a corner and she spotted her brother, sitting on a barrel, his shirt off, with Lady Mal tending to his wounds.
"Ow," he said as Ariadne jumped on him.
"Are you alright?" she asked hurriedly, "How many men did you kill? Have you broken anything? Where's Eames? Is he dead? Please don't say he's dead!"
"He's fine," said Dom, "He's just over there, look."
Arthur turned and saw Eames, who looked by all accounts to be in a worse state than him, standing by the castle wall and trying to pull his gauntlets off, with little success.
"Eames!" he shouted, and ran over to him, practically crashing into him and pinning him to the wall.
"Easy on the goods, love," said Eames, wincing in pain.
"Sorry," said Arthur, pulling back, "I'm just – uh – I'm glad you're okay."
"Me too. Glad that you're okay, that is. And me. I mean, I'm glad I'm okay, but I meant –"
"Shut up," said Arthur, and kissed him fiercely, all teeth and tongue, as if they'd been apart for months, not hours.
"Oh. Er. That's nice," Eames mumbled.
"Get a room!" Dom shouted.
Arthur twisted round to face him.
"We did last night but you seemed to take issue with that!"
"Fuck you!" Dom yelled.
Arthur turned back to kiss Eames again, giving Dom the finger. Eames moaned quietly, probably in pain, and Arthur pulled away.
"Are you alright?"
"My entire body hurts."
"Surely not your entire body."
"Everything, Arthur."
"Even your –"
"Everything."
Arthur cupped Eames' face in his hands.
"Awh, my poor baby," he said, kissing the tip of his nose.
"I'll be fine," Eames mumbled, "Just need some paracetemol."
"I think you need to see a physician."
"Really? Hate physicians. Latex gloves. Bad memories."
Arthur decided not to ask. Eames had experienced a fair amount of blood loss.
"Come on, you," he said, taking Eames' hand and leading him away.
"Wait," said Eames, pulling him back, "Isn't there something you should tell me? Your answer?"
"It can wait. Let's get you seen to first."
"But you said after the battle was over!"
"I didn't specify how soon after the battle was over."
"You're going to keep me waiting for forty years, now, aren't you?"
"What for?" Ariadne piped up.
"It's nothing," said Arthur.
"Nothing?!" Eames cried, "Me asking you to marry me is nothing?"
"I didn't mean it like –"
"What?" cried Dom, "You can't marry him!"
"Fuck you, Dom," said Arthur, "I'll marry him if I want to!"
"But he doesn't even care about you!"
"Fuck you, Dom," said Eames, "I fucking love him! What more do I have to do to prove it? Die?"
"That sounds like a good idea," said Dom, shrugging, "Want me to help you out with that?"
"Haven't you injured me enough today?"
"Are you still breathing?"
"Yes?"
"Well, then I clearly haven't."
"Oh my God!" shouted Arthur, "I think we've all fought enough for one day!"
"So we can start again tomorrow?" said Dom.
"No!" Arthur yelled, "Just – both of you shut up and listen to me! Dom, I'm nineteen, don't tell me how to live. It's my life and I want Eames to be in it so you're just going to have to suck it up and deal with it. Eames, in spite of everything, I would appreciate the continued existence of my brother. If you want me, a load of other shit comes as well, including Dom. It's a package deal. I love you, and you love me, but both of you are just going to have to grow the fuck up."
Dom and Eames just stood there in silence.
"Now shake hands and make friends," said Ariadne, joining in with ordering people around.
"Go on," said Arthur, nudging Eames.
Eames gave him a look, but went towards Dom, holding out his hand.
"I think you're a dick," said Eames, "But Arthur loves you, so you can't be too bad."
Dom's mouth twisted, and he relented, shaking Eames' hand.
"My sentiments exactly."
"Thank you," said Arthur, sighing, "About time."
He took Eames' hand.
"Come on. You're seeing a physician."
"Do I have to?"
"Yes," said Arthur, tugging him away.
"So, are you going to marry Eames?" Ariadne asked.
"Shut up, Ari," said Arthur.
In the end, the physician was busy seeing to other people, and said that if Eames was well enough to bitch about how much he hurt then he obviously wasn't injured enough to see him. So, Arthur took Eames back to his bedroom and played nurse. It was not the role he was best suited to. He managed to hit Eames in the head while taking off his breastplate, bend his arm round painfully while taking off his gauntlets, and step on his foot while taking off his greaves.
"Aaah, darling, please, be gentle with me," Eames begged, sitting on the bed as Arthur took off his shirt, fingernails scraping his skin.
"Oh, man up," said Arthur, then he saw Eames' bare arms and chest, and he bit his lip.
Eames' torso and arms were mapped with bruises. The bandage around his arm was saturated in blood, and there was a fresh cut running down his side.
"Okay," Arthur said, "I can see what you were moaning about now."
Eames whimpered, looking down at himself, and Arthur took pity and kissed him, making sure that their lips were the only thing that touched. He soaked a strip of cloth in the bowl of water sitting on the bed next to Eames.
"I can take care of you, too," he said, and started to clean the cut on Eames' torso.
"I don't know," said Eames, "I feel like I'm just getting rough love at the moment."
Arthur put a finger to Eames' lips.
"Stop talking."
"No."
"Hush. I am your prince, and that is an order."
"I've never been much good at doing what I'm told."
Arthur smiled a little.
"Neither have I."
"Oh, I know."
Arthur gave him a look.
"How do you manage to make me giving you first aid into foreplay?"
"I can make anything into foreplay."
"What about animal husbandry?"
"Especially animal husbandry. Gotta breed that livestock, if you know what I mean."
Arthur laughed.
"I love you," he said, shaking his head.
There was a brief silence.
"You've never said that to me before," Eames said quietly.
"No," said Arthur, not looking up from Eames' cut, "I suppose I haven't."
Eames took Arthur's chin, tipping his face up to look at him.
"Do you mean it?" he asked.
"What? Of course I mean it, you idiot. I love you more than it is entirely necessary or appropriate to love another human being. It's very inconvenient."
Eames smiled.
"I'm sorry for being so inconvenient for you."
Arthur shrugged.
"It's not a problem. I think I like it."
"I'm going to kiss you now," said Eames, "Because if you talk any more I'm going to turn into an incoherent mush of love and dribble."
"That doesn't sound very attractive," said Arthur, and Eames kissed him.
He pulled Arthur up onto his lap and kissed him for all he was worth, not caring about the pain as Arthur pressed against his bruised skin, groaning in the back of his throat and sucking Arthur's lower lip into his mouth.
"Oh God," he said, leaning their foreheads together, "Please say you'll marry me."
Arthur smiled.
"Ask nicely."
Eames pulled back to look at him seriously.
"Arthur, my darling. I've loved you for four years. Please, let me love you for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?"
Arthur's smile was bright and beautiful.
"Yes," he said, and leant forwards to kiss him, "Always, always, yes."
Eames pulled his arms around Arthur's waist and held him as Arthur kissed him, gentle and warm and full of promise.
"Hey, I just wanted to – oh. Hi Arthur."
Arthur and Eames broke apart, turning to see Yusuf at the door.
"Should I come back later?" he asked.
"It's fine," said Eames.
"Is it?" said Arthur, running a finger down Eames' collarbone.
"I just wanted to get my stuff," said Yusuf, "Now I won't be working for you anymore."
"Sure," said Eames.
Yusuf quickly grabbed a few things, stuffing them into his bag.
"I'm going to miss you, man," said Eames.
"I don't know how you can say that in all seriousness when the teenager you've been publicly lusting over for weeks is in your lap," said Yusuf.
"No, really. We've had some good times, haven't we?"
Yusuf pulled a face.
"Yeah. Mixed in with the run-ins with the authorities and getting chucked out of pubs and castles and kingdoms."
"What are you going to do now?"
"I've always wanted to be a chemist," said Yusuf, stroking his beard, "I think I might see if there are any job vacancies in pharmaceuticals. What about you?"
Eames grinned, running his hands up Arthur's sides.
"I'm going to marry this man."
"Treat him well," said Yusuf, "You've worked hard enough to get him, now you've got to make him happy."
"I don't think we'll have much trouble with that," said Arthur.
Yusuf shook his head.
"Never thought I'd see you settle down, Eames. What happened?"
Eames shrugged.
"I guess I finally figured out how to woo my maiden."
"Good luck, to both of you."
"I'll be sad to see you go," said Eames.
"Calm down, I'm not leaving you forever. I'm just not going to be your servant anymore."
"Oh," said Eames, "I thought you meant you were leaving leaving."
"What? No. I'm just leaving. I'm not leaving leaving."
"Well that's all good," said Arthur brusquely, "Now, if you've got your stuff, Yusuf, I'm sure you've got a lot to sort out."
Yusuf backed out of the room.
"I'll lock the door," he said.
"Now," said Arthur, leaning closer to Eames, "Where were we?"
Arthur kissed him, warm and open and all his, and Eames grinned stupidly.
"What is it?" asked Arthur.
"Nothing. Just – we're getting hitched. We're going to be married. It's a thing."
Arthur pulled a face.
"Chained to you for life. It's going to be a nightmare. You're bad enough already."
Eames kissed him.
"Look on the bright side. How could it get any worse?"