Just Breathe

There was silence as everyone's eyes dropped to the bullet wound now in Merlin's chest, the blood now beginning to flow freely and stain his top. Merlin only had enough time to make a small 'oh' before his body began to shut down. Arthur on the other hand grabbed Merlin's neckerchief and pressed it over the wound, applying pressure. "You have to stay awake," Arthur told him sternly as Merlin's eyes began to close. "Is there anyone here who can help him?" He asked the crowd of sorcerers now forming.

"We didn't think it possible to heal such a wound until he did so for Freya, none of us have that amount of power."

"At least try!" He exclaimed and looked back down at Merlin who was staring at him through clouded eyes. "Hey, talk to me. Tell me where you've been since you left. Anywhere exciting?"

"Grandfather," Merlin whispered.

"Ah the dragon that talked, I remember him. What did you do with him? Just sit around and talk?" Arthur tried to keep the conversation going but everyone around him knew he was fighting a losing battle. His fellow travelers knew enough about gun wounds to know Merlin was lucky to even be breathing now and the sorcerer's watching them had seen a few of their people die from lesser wounds.

Merlin somehow found the strength to direct his gaze towards his Father who stood over them and raised a hand to press it against Arthur's chest, right over his heart. "Safe."

Arthur didn't understand what he meant, of course Arthur was safe, it was Merlin with the bullet wound in his chest. "Yes, safe." The two words softly came from Balinor and that seemed to be enough for his son. A small smile tugged at Merlin's lips and Arthur's heart stopped dead in his chest as Merlin's hand fell to the ground, any sign of life now fading from him.

"No!" He decided to abandon the idea of applying pressure and instead cupped his face in his blood stained hands, "Come back. Don't you dare die on me. I had so many places to take you to, I was going to show you the world and let you know that you're not trapped here."

"Arthur," Lancelot said from near him and he looked over his shoulder to see his people mixing in with the sorcerers. Neither finding the need to battle anymore. "He's gone. You need to let him go so his people-"

"He is not gone, not let." A soft feminine voice interrupted Lancelot and Arthur turned to see Will leading a weak looking Freya out into the open, her skin pale and her legs were shaking everytime she took a step. It was hard to believe this woman had tried to kill him not too long ago.

"Can you save him?"

"I can try," she replied and knelt down at Merlin's side. Will was quick to take his position behind her incase of any interruptions. "You must leave," Freya whispered quietly to Arthur and he frowned in response. "This land is not yours to claim and you have caused nothing but pain since your arrival. I am asking you to leave now and in return I will save him."

"You would let him die if I said I wouldn't leave?"

"There are worse things then death Arthur Pendragon," Freya muttered and that made him move away a little. How on earth did she know his full name? Had Merlin been right in thinking this woman was just as powerful as he was? "Go and never come back."

"I'm not just leaving him. I'll leave when you-" suddenly the world around him turned into a blinding white light and he shaded his eyes to stop his eyes from burning. That's when his body fell sideways onto the ground and he fell unconscious. The next time he opened his eyes he found himself lying on the deck of the boat that had brought his people here and he sat up to find Gwaine crouched down next to him.

"How you feeling?"

"What happened? Where's Merlin? Where's Freya?" Arthur questioned as he got to his feet and swayed as dizziness overcame him.

"We've long since left that island Arthur," Gwaine said as he got to his full height. "One of them must have knocked you on unconscious cause you suddenly passed out as Freya was whispering her … spells? I don't know what it was. Anyway, we were told to leave and here we are. You've been out cold for almost two days."

"Take us back," Arthur ordered.

"Sorry Sire but we can't do that. We're heading straight for England and plan to tell your Father that we found nothing but open water. Nobody needs to know what happened there," Gwaine replied calmly.

"And Radcliffe? What's happened to him?"

"Unfortunately there was a little accident yesterday. He somehow managed to walk off the side of the boat in the middle of the ocean, we tried to save him but the waters were too rough. I fear he didn't make it," Gwaine smiled and lightly punched him in the shoulder. "Cheer up alright? That Merlin fella is probably healed and soon you'll be home, aren't you looking forward to a nice comfortable bed?"

Gwaine left in the blink of an eye and Arthur found himself staring out at the big blue ocean that separated him from Merlin. He could have sworn that everything in the past few weeks had happened in the blink of an eye. It felt like yesterday when he was excited for a new adventure. Now he'd give anything to take it all back if it meant Merlin survived. The men around him might be convinced that Freya could save him but Arthur wasn't.

Miracles didn't often happen around him.

"How is he doing?" Will asked Freya as he came to stand beside her. Both of them now looking at the man who shouldn't be alive standing by a lake with a look across his face that none had been able to understand. It had been a few months since Freya had managed to save his life and he still wasn't his usual self.

"A little better. He spoke to some of the children today, told them of an adventure he once had a child and thought he'd never live to tell the tale. I think I even saw a smile at one point."

"Yet he still won't talk to anyone else?"

"None of us can begin to understand what he's going through," she replied and crossed her arms. "For him to return there was a price and I don't think he can live with that."

"It can't be that difficult to live without magic," Will commented and glanced sideways at her. "At one point all of us didn't know magic. We learnt how to cast spells and he just needs to see that life isn't so bad without it."

"Merlin was born with magic, there's a difference."

"How so?"

"It's too complicated to explain," she leant into Will's side and sighed. "I fear he'll never recover."

"He has us to help him. We're all there for him."

"I don't think it's us that he wants."

"Son," Balinor said as he entered Merlin's tent and there was no response. There never was. It was now rare to find Merlin in his tent during the night, he often liked to walk about the island alone where he didn't have the constant gaze of people watching him. However Balinor knew where to find him.

In a matter of minutes Balinor was stood on the ocean edge next to his Son who stared off into the distance. His eyes seeking out a ship that hadn't been there for many months. "Why do you come here every night when you know he will not return?" No reply came. "You shouldn't do this to yourself. You need to move on."

"Tell me something because I'm having trouble figuring it out," Merlin suddenly spoke and his voice sounded husky due to not using it a lot over the course of his recovery. "Everyone keeps telling me to move on and yet I have no idea what they could possibly suggest that would make that happen. Magic was who I was. I lived and breathed magic, I used it like you use air to breathe. Without it I don't know how to carry on. There is nothing here for me. I shouldn't even be a part of this tribe … not when I'm no longer one of you."

"You'll always be one of us," Balinor replied quietly and put a firm hand on Merlin's shoulder. "You'll find something to keep you going through life. It may not be magic but it's out there."

"Yeah, it probably is out there, I just have no way of getting to it." Merlin's gaze dropped to the water at their feet and sighed, clearly missing the fact he could have used magic to keep his feet dry like Balinor was doing. "Freya sent the one thing I had left away. It's bad enough that I don't have magic but to wake up to find that my heart was taken from me as well? Nobody could come out of that unscathed."

"We don't-"

"Then why do you all expect me to suddenly be okay? You look at me like I should be smiling and jumping around because I'm alive. Honestly I'd rather have stayed dead. A life without magic isn't worth living."

"And a life with Arthur, that wouldn't be worth living?"

"That has nothing to do with this. I can't get to him. He's never coming back. Even if I could … he wouldn't want me as I am now." Merlin hugged his arms around himself and took a step deeper into the water, letting the waves crash against his knees. "I'm just an empty shell compared to the person I once was."

"Why don't you go and visit your Grandfather, I know he's missed talking to you, he could help."

"How would you know whether he's missed me or not? You banished him remember?"

"Clearly none of us can help you right now," Balinor replied without answering his question. "He could help you find the path you need to take from now on. Go and talk to him, I'll be here when you come back." He watched as his son barely glanced at him before heading off down the beach in the direction of the cave where his Grandfather would be waiting. What he didn't know was that he'd never be coming back here again.

At least not any time soon.

"Sire, your Father requests your presence in his chambers. He said it was a matter of great importance."

"Everything is a matter of great importance," Arthur said under his breath and watched as the servant left him to take his time. It was a known fact that Arthur didn't respond well to orders. If someone said come quickly he would often make it a personally challenge to take as much time as possible instead. This was no different. So instead of heading out the door he walked out onto his balcony and overlooked the town below.

Since he had gotten back home he felt completely cut off his home. The people below were no longer friendly faces and instead mocked him, telling him that he had given up something he should have fought for harder. That life was about fighting for the things you want. Not abandoning all hope in getting them back. However there was no way he could back to where he had been. That place was a distant memory now.

He was even beginning to forget what the place looked like. The only thing that remained clear in his mind was Merlin. So imagine his surprise when he turned around to see that very same person standing in the middle of his chambers, a large smile on his face as he looked at Arthur staring at him with an open mouth.

"How…" Arthur began.

"Magic."