Chapter 10

Rain drops tapped on the window sill as a cheery bird or two hoped their song would awaken the sun. Caroline finally opened her eyes only to remember she wasn't in her own bed. Her heart beat a bit faster as she reached for her watch on the bed stand.

Five-fifteen.

Sigh.

She turned her head to look at the sleeping beauty beside her. She's so peaceful. Turning herself over so she could look at Kate for a bit, Caroline contemplated whether to wake her or not. She settled to trace her face with one finger.

A half-awake, "Hmm?" came from closed lips.

"Kate," Caroline said softly.

No reply. She reached over and gave her a kiss on the forehead which inspired Kate's eyes to open a bit. "Mm… what time is it?" she asked rather groggily.

"A little passed five. Kate." Caroline gave her another kiss on the nose to keep her awake.

"Hmm?"

"I should be off soon. My mum will be home later this morning."

Kate sighed and forced her eyes open. "Okay," she said, sitting up a little and then paused for a moment. "Caroline… are you going to tell her?" she asked, rubbing one eye. "I mean, so you don't have to sneak out at ungodly hours like this."

"Y-yes…"

"Caroline." Kate rested her forehead on Caroline's, looking playfully but firmly into her eyes.

"Yes, Kate." She tried to sound confident. "I'm not sure when, but I will tell her."

Kate, still half asleep, contemplated letting it go and sighed, looking down at Caroline with a smile. "So…"

Caroline looked up and reflected her smile. "So?"

"I enjoyed last night," Kate whispered, sweeping back a few stray bangs.

"Me too." She snuggled her face into Kate's shoulder as Kate scrunched her eye brows.

"You know, you really should tell your mum."

A sigh came from Caroline as she scooted herself upright. "Look, Kate. It's nothing to worry about…"

"It is, though, isn't it? I mean, you're forty-six, Caroline."

"You don't know my mum. If I told her, she'd work herself into a tizzy and, at seventy-five, who knows what would happen." Caroline kissed her neck while Kate carried on quite unfazed.

"But that's her own problem, isn't it? I mean, Jesus, Caroline. How can you go on like this? Let alone the fact that half your life has been lived to please someone who, it seems, is one of those mums who will always find something to complain about."

"Okay, she can be…"

Kate raised her eye brows expectantly.

"Well, she can be a decent human being every-now-and-again… when she wants to be. Anyway, she's so happy now that she and Alan are together again, I… I don't want to ruin that, Kate." Caroline looked at her innocently.

She sent Caroline a look of quiet disbelief. "I admit, I don't understand. Surely, if your mum has any ounce of love for her daughter she'd at least try to accept you as you are? At some point, she'd realize that one can't be truly happy if they don't also care for the happiness of those they supposedly love?"

Caroline sank back down and snuggled herself into the covers. "I don't know, Kate."

She yawned. "Is she Church of England?" Kate asked with a bit of smile in her voice.

"No, no. Not really. She hasn't gone to a service in years. She is quite traditional, though, I suppose." Caroline's fingers danced on Kate's arm.

"It sounds to me like she's one of those mums who secretly wants to keep her daughter from going to hell or something."

"I think she's always thought of herself as trying to protect me from the opinions of others."

"Well, obviously, she hasn't protected you from her own opinions," Kate quipped, giving Caroline a kiss on the forehead. "My grandfather always said that a good, loving person is one who enjoys others just as they are, feeling no need to change anyone or mold them into their own image. It was one of those lectures that I'd always roll my eyes at. Means a lot to me now. I loved him a lot." She sat thoughtfully for a moment while Caroline contemplated dozing off. "I would think that God would be good like that. If there is one."

"Ah, now there's something I didn't know. Kate McKensie believes in God," Caroline said with closed eyes, sounding quite amused.

Kate smiled and playfully stroked Caroline's cheek. "I didn't say I did… Just a passing comment—that if he was real, I would think he'd be good."

"Or she."

"Or… why must there be a gender?"

"Or—what if God could be any gender God likes?" Caroline scrunched up her face, trying to make sense of her sleepy words. "But then it's all bollocks, because we can't even see 'em, can we?" she said, closing her eyes again with a sigh.

"But, even if we can't see love—doesn't mean it's not real."

"Oh but Kate, love is… well, it's not a being, is it? It's, among other things, a way of expressing oneself."

"Yes. What I'm saying is… What if we've gotten God or the higher power all wrong? What if God is God because he—or she—isn't limited by body or even soul? What if God's only limitation is not allowing love to be transformed into a lesser version of itself?"

"He who lives in love, lives in God and God in him, for God is love," Caroline croaked in a deep, crackly voice.

"Is that a pipe-smoking granny?"

"Nope. Tolstoy."

"Ah. You're just full of quotations."

"Only when I've had too much wine, have fallen in love, or am on the verge of falling asleep."

"I'd love to know what happens when all those are combined."

"Oh, you'll see," she said, reaching under the covers mischievously.

Kate flinched. "God, your hand is cold!"

"Sorry."

"You're not."

"Not really," Caroline replied with an innocent smile.

Kate shook her head with a grin as Caroline stayed contentedly snuggled in her shoulder.

"Anyway, if there is such a thing as God, then I could live with him— or her— being love. Now forgive me if I start snoring any second," she said with a sleepy smile.

"The point is… I think if there is a God, God would—or should—be good and, therefore, would be good… even to two people like us? Since we love each other. Perhaps God is the very thing that connects us—the light that reflects between two lovers' eyes. Caroline?" Kate glanced down at her, realizing she had fallen asleep, and gave her a long, content kiss on the head.

The few rain drops here and there had turned into a soothing, steady downpour. The late morning skies were grey, barely lighting the bedroom after the night. Caroline nuzzled her face deeper into Kate's shoulder and then suddenly, she bolted upright.

Kate's face collapsed into Caroline's pillow. "What's wrong?" she asked, her voice slightly muffled.

"Oh no. No, no, no."

Kate lifted her head up and rested on her elbows. "What?"

Bouncing out of bed, Caroline proceeded to run around the room trying to find various pieces of clothing. "Shit."

"Caroline," Kate said while she hopped on one foot trying to pull her jeans on. "You shouldn't worry about it. She probably won't even be home."

Caroline finished buttoning the odds and ends. "Oh, she'll be home, alright. It's almost half passed ten." She sped over to the bed stand to collect her watch and leaned over to give a couple of kisses. "I'd better go." Another kiss.

"Okay." Kate smiled as she watched Caroline zip through the bedroom door. "Oh, Caroline!" she called.

"Yes?" came a voice through the wall.

"Take my umbrella! It's leaning on the wall by the door!"

"I'll take you up on that!"

After tossing the wet umbrella in her backseat, Caroline sat in her car and gripped both hands on the wheel, leaning her head back with a deep sigh. God, what if she's home?